Freedom Friday: Ditching the Checklist for Deeper Connections – Prioritizing Presence Over Productivity in Relationships

Hello everybody and welcome once again to the Unlearned podcast. I'm your host, ruth Abigail, aka RA, and this is once again Freedom Friday, where me, or me and a friend of mine come and share something we've unlearned recently and how it has made us just a little bit more free. So I have had a pretty cool first month of 2024. It's been a lot going on, a lot of great stuff and just a lot of movement like a lot of activity really quickly family, personal work, all of it right. It's just been a lot of stuff and one of the things that I very much know about myself is I'm a box checker. I love checking a box. I love saying that's done, that's done, that's done, that's done, like that really satisfies my soul really. I really love the idea of knowing that something got done. And if I'm not careful, I will and can very easily make everything into a box right. I can make time with my husband a box. I can make time with family a box. I can make a phone call with a friend a box. I can make, you know, sending an email a box. I can make meetings a box I can do. Everything becomes a box right and on some level there's some truth to that. There's just some things that you know you need to do, and once you've done them, you've done them, and it's a good thing. One of the things that I'm unlearning is to not have a box, a check the box mentality with everything. Everything is not simply a check the box. That can be a very difficult thing, especially for someone and for those of us who are moving pretty consistently, doing a lot of different things at one time, have a lot of responsibilities, and it can get. It can get to be like the only way you know how to keep everything straight is today, I have to do one, two, three, four, five, and it really doesn't matter where those things fall. I know I need to do those things, and the win is, at the end of the day, I've done them, and that's a win, and sometimes that is a win. Sometimes, though, I believe that, for those that are like me, what we have to unlearn is that there are a lot of things that get boxed checks, that deserve more attention, more time, more intentionality, and I have to be careful particularly not to see my time with people as box checks. Right, all right. Well, today I spent time with this person. I talked to this person, I text these people, I checked in with them, that is, and say, okay, I did what I was supposed to do. It is more important. This is what I want to get to and I'll admittedly say it's going to be difficult and I'm sure for those of you that struggle with the same thing, it's hard to shift this because we have a mentality that values accomplishment, that values getting things done, that values finishing and, dare I say, values feeling like you've won, feeling like you've conquered the day. I've conquered this season of my life, and that's that feels good. People are not to be conquered right. Relationships are not a win-lose situation. Anything dealing with people we can't check boxes with. That is, people and relationships should be nurtured, which means a lot of times there is no box. It's a consistent working. I think the thing that bothers me about that is I love to get around. This is going to sound horrible, but it is what it is. I love to get rid of stuff Like I love. I'm not the person who keeps you know things in a box because I want to remember them. If I haven't used them in six months, it can go. I'm throwing it away and we don't want to transfer that. Okay, this is done, I can get this off my plate. This is finished, I can take this off my plate. We don't want to treat people as items on our plate. That's not, that's not healthy. It's not how you nurture relationships, relationships. People have to be nurtured, which means that it takes time. It also means there might be situations, people, relationships that are never off of your list. You could never check the box and the mentality around. How do I spend intentional time? How do I? How do I, as a person who values getting a lot of things done, how do I pay attention to the things and put more energy into the things that truly will never be finished? It won't be finished, but will continue to be nurtured, and I think it's something that we have to really put a lot of thought into Again. You may not be like me, you may be much better at this, but for those of you who are like me and who have this issue of a check the box mentality, I think we have to really be intentional about being able to separate out what's a box check and what's continuous, what gets a check and what continues, what gets a check and what continues. Everything can't get a check. A lot, a lot of things, particularly things around people, are continuous and we have to give ourselves time and room to enjoy that, to sit in it, to focus on it, to put energy into it and not just try to do something quick to check the box. I believe our lives will be a lot richer because of it and our relationships will be better, even if we're constantly on the move. Just that intentionality and focus and energy when it's time to slow down, when it's time to put time and energy into a relationship, into a person, a person that we don't try to do our best to get to the next thing. All right, cool, I'm going to do this. I'm going to have this phone call, I'm going to eat dinner with my family and it's going to be great. I'm going to check the box and I'm going to move on, but instead enjoy the time, focus on that, don't worry about what's next. I think it'll just be. It'll help to bring harmony, I think, to our lives. I think that's what I'm having to unlearn is that that's a tool or mindset that I can use to bring a little bit more harmony to what it is that I do day to day. So that's it. I hope that's helpful. Stop checking the box with people. Stop checking the box relationships. Understand that it's continuous nurturing journey and it's beautiful. So let's take time, focus on it. Don't rush it, let it marinate. Do what a lot of, for a lot of people like me, might be counterintuitive to do, and just sit. Sit in it and enjoy it. Thank y'all once again for tuning into Freedom Fridays and let's keep unlearning so that we can continue to experience more freedom. We'll see y'all next week, peace. Thank you once again for listening to the Unlearned podcast. We would love to hear your comments and your feedback about the episode. Feel free to follow us on Facebook and Instagram and to let us know what you think. We're looking forward to the next time when we are able to unlearn together to move forward towards freedom. See you then.