Dec. 13, 2024
Freedom Friday: Stop Only Believing in What You Can Do!
Ever felt like your life is stuck on repeat, especially during the holidays? Join us on this special Freedom Friday episode of the Unlearned Podcast, where we navigate the emotional maze of going home for the holidays. As we approach our two-year celebration, we uncover the tension between our past and present selves, particularly when life’s milestones seem stubbornly out of reach. We all harbor dreams of love, fulfilling careers, and vibrant social lives, but what happens when these dreams remain unfulfilled? Listen as we share personal stories and insights about battling the disillusionment of stagnant aspirations amidst a season of reflection and expectation.
Transcript
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Hello everybody and welcome once again to the unlearned podcast.
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I'm your host with Abigail aka Ra, and this is Freedom Friday, where we come and share something we've unlearned recently and how it has made us just a little bit more free.
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First, before we get into what we're unlearning today, I just want to say thank you.
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Thank you for rocking with this show for almost two years.
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Actually, I think next week would be our technically our two-year anniversary from when we first dropped something out in public.
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So you guys have been rocking with us for two years.
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Thank you for everybody who downloads, subscribes, shares, views, listens.
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You guys are incredible.
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We do this to build community with you around unlearning, helping you to change your mind.
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So hopefully you're becoming more free.
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We are becoming more free and we will continue to do that.
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So please continue to like, share, subscribe and listen to the Unlearned podcast.
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It helps us to continue to grow and add to the community.
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I bet so if you have not listened to part one of our show called Home with the Holidays.
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No, that's not what it's called Home for the Holidays.
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There we go Home for the Holidays, which dropped a few days ago.
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Check it out.
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It's part one.
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So it's going to end abruptly because we decided to split the recording because it was a little lengthy, because it was so good.
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So we decided to split the recording because it was so it was.
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It was a little little lengthy cause it was so good, so we decided we're going to give the people bite-sized pieces, um, but it was really good.
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And we really just talked about how it can be challenging sometimes to come home for the holidays uh, particularly around what, what it means to really have to the tension between your past and your present, and the tension being that sometimes your past and your present are very similar and when you begin to get around people around the holidays and people are asking you about what's going on in your life, and from year to year to year to year, you answer the same thing.
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It's the same answer.
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Nothing seems to have changed.
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Because, if we're honest with ourselves, a lot of the things that we wish were true could be that we want a spouse, could be that we want a different job, could be that we want children, could be that we want more friends, a different community, whatever.
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It might be that sometimes it can be really disheartening, because when we don't have those things and we have this vision in our head of what our life is supposed to look like, around those hopes and desires, and when we don't get them, it feels as though nothing has changed.
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It feels like I'm in the same place that I was one, two, three, four years ago, and when I come home now I have to continue to be met with the same looks, the same questions as I have been over the years.
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But the truth of the matter is things have changed.
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Things have changed and um, but when we don't, when we don't recognize it, and when we're, when our, when our eyes are so fixed on the vision that we had for our lives years ago in a younger state whether that younger state was 18, 19, 25, 32, it was 18, 19, 25, 32, then we sometimes can lose hope for what the future can hold, and at the end of the year it's a really great time for reflection.
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So in this conversation we really talked about, we talked a lot around this, and one of the things that I had to be honest about is that hope is hard for me.
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Hope is hard for me, and I am naturally more of a cynic than I am a hopeful person, and I believe that's the case, as it might be, for you as well, because I don't like the idea of disappointment, like I hate being disappointed and I hate being surprised, like I, I actually would prefer to be able to predict certain things.
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I don't like surprises and I don't like disappointment.
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Um and so, during that conversation uh, of course, jaquita, of course, as you've been listening, if you've been listening for any length of time we are almost the exact opposite in everything that you can think of, and she is a very hopeful person, hopeful even to the point of delusion sometimes, and so we talk a lot about this.
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And one thing she helped me, and helped me to realize that my lack of hope really is rooted in a desire of control and rooted in a desire to really only believe in what I'm able to actually do, what I feel is possible because I'm able to do it, and really that limits a lot of.
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It limits your vision, and that it limits your vision, it limits what the possibilities are for your life, and I've been guilty of that and I've had to really wrestle with that over the years, and it takes a lot for me to allow hope to lead me as opposed to my own understanding.
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All right.
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So what it is that I've had to unlearn and I think I will continue to unlearn and hopefully you will unlearn if you need to is to unlearn the outcomes of your own efforts.
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Unlearn the power of the outcomes of your own efforts.
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Unlearn the power of the outcomes of your own efforts.
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They're not as powerful as you think.
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The outcomes of your own efforts aren't as powerful as you think, and the reality is they're not the only outcomes possible.
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They're not the only outcomes possible.
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There are a million different outcomes that are possible.
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Do you know what they are?
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No, but the fact that you know that there are outcomes possible outside of the power of your own efforts allows you to hope.
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It gives you permission to hope.
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Hope is not something that is always easily communicated as to how to do it, but I do think that for a lot of us, especially reflecting in this year, hope for the next year is going to be very important.
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If we want to continue to pursue freedom, we got to be willing to hope.
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There are some things that, if I'm honest, I've been afraid to hope for because I don't see how it can happen.
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So, instead of hoping, I plan and I say this is going to happen.
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Because, if I'm honest, I can say that with confidence.
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That's not hope, that's not faith.
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It's I can see it.
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If I can see it, I can believe it can happen.
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But what do you do with the things you can't see?
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Just give up on them?
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I don't think that.
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That that's.
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I don't think that that's what we ought to do.
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That's certainly not what God wants us to do.
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We don't.
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He doesn't want us to give up on the things we can't see, right, um, but I do acknowledge that it is difficult for for some of us to do that.
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So my question is are you willing to be expectant of things on the front end that have nothing to do with your own efforts?
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In other words, are you willing to expect that you can have great outcomes outside of your own effort, that great outcomes are possible outside of your own effort?
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Are you willing to believe that before you start moving at all?
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Are you willing to believe that April of next year doesn't have to look like April of this year?
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Are you willing to believe that April of next year doesn't have to look like April of this year?
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Are you willing to believe that now, not just when you start doing what makes sense to you, but are you willing to believe that now, before you even know what April brings?
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So I think that is important for us to unlearn.
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We gotta unlearn the power of our own efforts.
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With these outcomes, the things that you've been praying for, hoping for, desiring for and thinking about are on your mind and truly, if you're honest, you're like man.
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I'm afraid to want this, because I don't think it's gonna happen, because, as I look back over this past year, there have been no signs to say that this is going to happen.
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Well, both of us me and you really need to practice the art of hope, and the first step is just naming it out loud.
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What is the thing that you believe is too big to happen, that you really want, that you really want to happen?
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What is the thing that you believe is really is not possible right now because you don't see it, but that you have a deep desire for?
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Is it a partner?
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Is it a child?
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Is it a job?
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Is it financial freedom?
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Is it a new place to stay?
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Is it a community?
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Is it a better relationship with God?
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Whatever it is, I know you don't see it, I know you can't carve the path out, but hope anyway, because what I can guarantee you is, next year won't be the same as this year.
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So, instead of allowing yourself to remain in a place of cynicism and doubt, to remain in a place of cynicism and doubt, replace that with hope, because we are not in control anyway.
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So, on the journey and on the pathway and the journey of which we have very little control, let's approach it in a more positive way.
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To say I not only believe this can happen, but to admit that you want it to happen, and allow yourself to live in the land of hope.
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Um, and see what takes you, see what it does, and then we can reflect back to say I hoped for this and I continue to do so.
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All right, that's it, y'all.
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I hope that's helpful.
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Um, so check out part two of our uh, last episode for the season home for the holidays.
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It's going to come out on Tuesday and again, if you haven't heard it, I have the heard part one.
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Go ahead and listen to that one before part two drops, because you're going to want to.
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Um, you're going to want to hear part one before part two.
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It'll make more sense.
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So, again, thank you.
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Like, share, comment, subscribe.
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We're going to see y'arned Podcast.
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We would love to hear your comments and your feedback about the episode.
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Feel free to follow us on Facebook and Instagram and to let us know what you think we're looking forward to the next time when we are able to unlearn together to move forward towards freedom.
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Know what you think we're looking forward to the next time when we are able to unlearn together to move forward towards freedom.
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See you then.
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