Freedom Friday: The Past Doesn't Dictate The Future

Hello everybody and welcome once again to the unlearned podcast. I am your host, ruth Abigail, aka RA, and this is Freedom Friday, where myself or a friend of mine come and share something with unlearned recently and how it has made us just a little bit more free. So first of all, I want to thank y'all for rocking with us this year. We got started in January and we're coming up on a whole year of doing podcasts, which is kind of crazy. I don't know that I expected to do that, but, y'all, I couldn't have done it without you. Thank you so much for listening, continue to listen, continue to share, continue to engage, and we're going to go on to year two. So this year, the past few years, really, you know, for everyone, have been pretty tough. Right, you had the COVID years and we've had so much that's gone on with that, and one of the things that I think a lot of people have experienced is the loss of something. Right, and particularly, I have experienced a lot of, you know, changes, not necessarily losses, but changes in relationships with people, and it hasn't been easy. And so one of the things that I have had to unlearn is, or I'm unlearning, is that just because something happened with one person doesn't mean it's going to happen with the next. I know that seems like something we've probably heard before, you know, and it's not an original thought. But when you're in the midst of it and when you are really trying to figure out how do I move forward in a similar situation, but with a different person, it can get really tough, because you don't have much to go on other than the last thing. And when the last thing didn't go the way you wanted it to go, or go the way you think you did think you wanted it to go, then it's hard to believe that it'll happen with the next time. And so I'm having to unlearn that what happened in the past is not necessarily what happens in the future, and I'm also having to unlearn why things happen. I am naturally hard on myself. I think way too highly of myself I'll be honest about that and so I tend to think that the reason things happen is because of me in some way. That's not most of the time the case, honestly, and it's probably not most of the time the case with you. Most of the time things change with people because of them, not necessarily you. Now hear me. We screw up right. Nobody gets to say that they don't mess up and they don't make something wrong, or they don't make something the way it's not supposed to be. So I don't want you to hear me saying that, but a lot of times the thing that's happened with the other human, the reason the relationship didn't go the way you thought, or the change in relationship happened, that does not always mean that it was on you and it doesn't necessarily always mean it's bad. It's just different, it's just changed. It may not have been your desire, and so I think that three things that helped me to stay focused on the possibilities of better in the future when it comes to relationships. The first thing is remembering, like I said a lot of times, it's not about you. It may be about the other person and just what they have to deal with, and it's not necessarily. Don't think so highly of yourself, don't do like me and think so highly of yourself, because it's not necessarily about you, and understand that if it did have something to do with you, then the best thing to do is stay humble and move forward, learn from the lesson and change the behavior, as opposed to continue to beat yourself up, because sometimes we do mess up, and sometimes it is on us. But get humble, learn the lesson, change the behavior. And then the third thing is me understanding that dwelling on the past will only sabotage the future relationships, because you're gonna subconsciously develop unhealthy behaviors and relational habits, trying to correct what can't actually be undone. That makes sense, right? So I'm a natural people pleaser. It's one of the things that I have to constantly, constantly refine and constantly grow out of. I naturally feel like if I want something to change, the best thing to do is to give the person what they want. That is nine times out of 10, not the healthiest way to move right, but it's something I have to continue to fight. My tendency is to. If I feel like something's going in a direction that feels familiar and not fun, not what I want, then my unhealthy habit is to then please that person in some way. What do I need to do to make it better? Or what do I perceive that I need to do to make it better so that the thing doesn't change or so the person doesn't leave or something remains in a positive way? I'm just being real with y'all. That's my struggle. What is your unhealthy habit that you lean to? To try to correct something in the past that you can't undo. But you're trying to correct something so it doesn't happen again. But in doing that, a lot of times we actually sabotage what we have right now. So things change. Sometimes it's on you, sometimes it isn't, but the reality is we gotta move forward and we can't dwell on the past. We can't dwell on what we should have done or wish we could have done and repeat those same things, hoping that it doesn't happen again. The best thing to do is to be the best you you can be in the moment. Be the best you can in any relationship, any type of relationship, and accept changes when they happen, because they're always gonna happen and most of the time it doesn't have to do with you. Most of the time it's just life, it's just what is and allow the grace of God to cover you and to keep you in that moment, cause it can be tough. I'm having to unlearn that. It's been a really unexpectedly challenging few years in regards to that, and so I am constantly having to unlearn that. I hope this helped you a little bit, and that's it. So thanks again for joining us on Freedom Fridays and let's keep unlearning together so that we can live with more freedom, and I will see y'all next week. Peace. ["football"]. Thank you once again for listening to the Unlearned podcast. We would love to hear your comments and your feedback about the episode. Feel free to follow us on Facebook and Instagram and to let us know what you think. We're looking forward to the next time when we are able to unlearn together to move forward towards freedom. See you then. ["football"].