Freedom Friday with Kara Rogers: You Are Missing Your Present and Worrying About Your Future

Hello everybody and welcome once again to the under. We're keeping it. We're keeping it car.

That was phenomenal.

I will say that is the first time that the countdown hasn't worked, because there's a whole countdown and I'm like we've got to start here and like hilarious um, that was amazing. Welcome once again to the podcast. I'm your host through that girl aka RA, and this is freedom Friday, where me, or me and one of my friends comes to share with you something we've unlearned recently and how it's made us more free. And today we get to talk to Kara Rogers, who has made an entrance as normal.

Oh my gosh.

Oh my gosh, okay, so you were. We tried to do this like months ago. Look twice Twice. We tried to do it twice.

Yes, what happened the second time? Was it twice? Maybe I'm lying, it could be once, but I feel like every time we tried to record, it was just always something. Either my cell system was like oh my gosh, see, here we go, here we go. I think, maybe it was my cell system or something, or I think it was a microphones. It was something to do with sound, though.

The first time it was that I did. The second time it was a, it was a camera thing, it was just a lot but we got it together?

Yeah, we got it together and the next time we do it.

This time you're just going to wait on the countdown and then we'll have a complete look.

I'm telling you the countdown was not on my screen, y'all, please believe me.

Oh man, kara. Okay, so me and Karve known each other for really for a while, yeah, but currently our current relationship is that we work together every day at Angel Street. Whoop, whoop. Okay, I was saying too much and Kara is a. Why don't let you tell her who she is? I'll let her tell you who she is. Who are you, kara?

Hey y'all, what's up? I'm Kara. Yeah, I am what you would call a creative, a believer and just all around random person. I, yeah, a lover of the color yellow, all the things, guys. Yeah, so imaginative person, all those things you know. So I could basically be the power puff girls. You know sugar, spice and everything nice. So, yeah, by the way, I was Bubbles, so you were you were, yeah, I was Bubbles, oh, wow, yeah. So you know, you have to be like, you have to personify yourself in at least one character. Sure, in a culture, no, but yeah, no.

I, that's true, I think I was. I was, I wanted to be Princess Jasmine in Aladdin. Okay, because she had a pet tiger and I thought that was the coolest thing. Oh, this thing. I was like if I could have a pet tiger, you know, dope that would be.

That's actually dangerous. So you like the little like she had one. I mean, it's a cartoon, exactly this whole thing. Cartoon, okay, not real life?

No, but you said personify.

Okay, you know what I mean for me, but maybe not for you. But anyway, I'm gonna go ahead.

A car anyway. Car said she's a creative creator, she's a believer. A believer in what car? Because I don't know. Some people might not know what that means. Yeah, I believe in Jesus, okay there you go, there, it is Very good, okay, which one? To clarify you could have you know. Be a believer in the wall, the sun.

You're right, you're right, I'm sorry, we have to be together.

We have to be clear. You know what I mean. That's crystal, and you are also a lover of yellow and a. There's an inner powder puff, powder, puff, power puff. Yeah, okay, so you're a creator. What do you create?

Oh man, I create music. I write music, songs, poetry. I do painting, although it is like I think somebody told me that I can't say that it's not good, I guess because it's kind of objective, but I don't believe that. I'm like, really like, I didn't. I haven't taken any painting classes. I just do it because it's kind of calming to me and also recently, like I started living, you know cooking, so and that's therapeutic.

Yeah.

So I create different dishes that come to my mind or different dishes that I want to taste like the other day, no, not even the other day. Yesterday, girl, I made a cake for Thanksgiving and get together and guess what it was? It was a regular cake. It was an orange cardamom cake. Oh, that's good. It turned out pretty good, Was it yeah?

it turned out pretty good. Cara, be cooking Y'all. You got to go on Instagram, Come on.

And just just hashtag Cara be cooking. I've been thinking if I should make that. It's on Instagram page, but I'm telling all right.

Yeah, well, we'll see. We'll see where that goes. We'll see where that goes. So, cara, all right. So we're talking about what we've unlearned recently and as we were talking, before we started recording, you were saying something I think was pretty profound. You, you were saying that something you've been unlearning recently was really focusing more on the present Than putting energy into the future so you could be more present for what's happening right now. Yeah, all right. So like, unpack that, what. What does that mean to you? How are you, how, how, how are you focusing in the future? That's preventing you from from really being present.

Yeah, so Me, maybe you may not can tell, but I sometimes can delve into the land of anxiety, and that's because I think so ahead so many times, whether it's like small things or big things, like, oh, I really want to buy a house or no, I wonder if I'm going to get married, or I wanted from going to have kids, and all these just different things Like I wonder what you know what job I'm going to have next? No, so don't tell. All right, I said that though. So, oh, but just like you know, just different things that pop up in my mind in terms of like future oriented things, and sometimes I could play around and just really get stuck Because, like like I say before, like I'm a very imaginative person and sometimes you can, just I can get stuck in my imagination and with the what ifs and the maybes and the probabilities and all of those different things just get stuck in my mind and it just kind of prevents me from being very like here and present and in the In the now, because I I find that sometimes, when I do think about like a lot of things in terms of for the future and what the future may hold for me, like it steals a lot of my joy for today and rather than me like enjoying, like what I'm doing now, they can Far and advanced yeah. So yeah, that's kind of where I've been, where I've kind of been just kind of not wanting to think in the future. I mean like, of course, think, think reasonably to the future, not dwelling on like anxieties or things that can make me feel paralyzed with fear.

What do you feel like? What do you? What do you feel like you have missed a little bit lately as a result of focusing too much on future stuff.

Something I missed out on lately. Lately, man, if I'm just being honest, like sometimes just even the joy of singleness, because you think, because you think like, oh, you know, well, at least for me, well, I have a companion or a maid or husband or whatever and not to think in any case, sometimes paralyze you into thinking like all of those things are like the ultimate thing. When, like right now, what I'm doing, like being in this season of singleness, is like very much, like it's very cool, like so I don't have to answer anybody, like go to a fro, spend my money? I won't, probably should not. But you know, we're still just really taking the time to just be OK with the season, that I'm here right now and not focusing so so closely on what may or may not happen, you know. So I think that's all one of those things. That's good, kara. So you don't open up a little, can now, kara?

You don't put a little can because? No, because I, I I've been married now for a little over 90 days and I think I say wow, thank you.

Yeah, yeah, it's no absolutely not.

I was not that I was made more of a you know, eight month fiance. Yeah, you know, I grew up in there, like but I live most of my life in the single season and so I can really resonate with that, like there being moments where you don't fully take advantage of that particular season Because you're, so you might be focused on the, like you said, the what ifs, or what if it never happens, and then what? And like you know, or what if, what if I don't know, just like wait, what if? it's just really late in life and then like will it be fun anymore? I mean you have these thoughts right, that's real and I think I think a lot of people feel that you know, I have a lot of friends. It's weird, it's still weird. I mean, I'm very married but it's not but it's not a. I've been living in this skin for like a second Right. I still feel like I probably You're not that far removed? No, I'm not, you know what I mean. So I feel like I really resonate, even still more so, even with my single friends and I do with married folks, right, I'm just not getting into this world. And so I don't know. I just I think that's an important recognition and reality and it's really hard Like it's really hard you know, everything around you is about love which I put that in quotes because I don't you know, okay, and couples and you know, the holidays are coming up and that's always a thing and, like you know, it's just. You know, I don't know, I don't know. I just think that's so real. I appreciate you talking about that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, man, it's. You saw me probably just doing a little like. It reminded me of other songs about emotions. What do the lonely do at Christmas? That's my jam. That's my jam. Yo, yeah, but no, that's a, it's a real thing Like because and don't want to delve off into that, but if that's where we're going, then too. But like to, that's a real thing. And it's so much emphasis put around like the whole concept and, like you said, love and companionship and just having someone, all those and all and all that, something like that. And when it's kind of put in your face so much, it's like you kind of can't help but kind of toy around with it as if you're like a kid with like a ball of yarn and you're kind of thinking about it and then the future and stuff like that. So it's very, it's so crazy, cause sometimes it's like super annoying because you don't try to think of it, but it's like very intrusive at times, can be very intrusive when you think about those type of things. So yeah, man, it's it just be, it's something else, but just trying to really unlearn and unlearning things about the future. And I think also I know one thing that I try. One way that I've tried to start intentionally being present is I do take like if I go to a concert or something, I do take videos and I do take pictures, but they're usually like very limited, like very short, small minute videos, like seconds of videos, and like when we went to the concert, I didn't, we didn't get any pictures at all None, zero At all. And it's like, oh dang, that's crazy. But also I feel like that's a part of just being in the present and being in the hey, I'm here now and I'm not gonna just take pictures just so I can put them on Instagram and be like, yeah, look at what I did, you know, type of thing, whatever. But it's just like I know, like I treasure these things in my heart, like I wanna keep these things for myself, some stuff you don't necessarily gotta put all out there for everybody to see, because it's for you, for that person to experience, whatever it is. So that's a way that I feel like I intentionally kind of just step away and just do stuff, cause I have plenty of pictures and photos and videos and stuff in my phone that I probably have never put up on Instagram or Facebook or anything, and it's just because it's like, well, you know, that's just kind of for me and for the time that I was there and I can look back on it on my phone and be like, oh man, I really remember that time and I had a blast Cause. Like if it's in my phone, I'm really looking back at it and I'm like, oh snap, that was so fun. But, like usually, if I put it like on Facebook or Instagram or and I keep saying these older references because I'm older, so I don't put a lot of stuff on TikTok, I just don't. I'm still trying to learn how to even navigate that thing.

I don't have a TikTok. God bless you.

Yeah, I think I have like three things up. So, yeah, it's not a really big deal, but just like, if I put it out there, all into the social media world is kind of basically to get like some type of like I want you to like this, I want you to love this, I want you like kind of validation, but in really trying to unlearn that as well, like being validated by people who don't really even necessarily know me that well. So I think those probably go hand in hand, kind of being validated by people who you truly know and keeping those things hidden in your heart that are like really most important to you.

So yeah, okay, you make a. This is really interesting Because when you said the validation and putting stuff up for people to like and post and affirm and all this, I think it's really interesting because you're talking about the future and not being present. But when we do that and we make things kind of immortal, then it gives us an opportunity to do that same thing with the past, where you kind of make the past, where you live, where you live, because that's oh, look, three years ago I put up this picture and everybody loved it and I just need to remember that people loved me. Or, like two years ago I was part of this group and, man, people loved that. What we were doing, man, like wasn't that amazing. And then you just kind of like revel in the past and neither one of those is really helpful for where you are right now. Like you miss the joy of today, right, what you know. I think that's really. I love that you brought that up because it's a two-sided coin.

Yeah, yeah, it definitely is. I mean, I think it's just so important because sometimes we get stuck in the what ifs of the future and then when you, like you said you put it up on a different social platform, you kind of live or want to continue living in like your heyday, like I used to do this and this is how I used to be, and all this stuff, and then it kind of prevents you from being in the future I'm excuse me, being in the present as well. So it's kind of a sensitive, sensitive tightrope to walk. You don't want to go too much forward and don't want to go too far back, but you want to just be here in the present, in the way you are now, because, like it, what you had was what you had, but it's it's. It's probably no longer for a reason that's right then also, when you think about your future, like you can think on it and you can be kind of, you know, excited for it, but it shouldn't be like your end-all be all, like this is gonna make everything Right, because the present, what we have, I think sometimes what I feel, like I I can't speak for anybody else, but sometimes what I can maybe neglect with the not being present, is like I, I neglect actually Filling up my space with the love that I have now and with all the things that I can do. Now. I can see my nephews grow up in real time. I can see how they physically and both you know, intellectually, and I could also see the Friendships that I have and the love that I have from family and friends and all In the light and just kind of understand that like me, and just just take it all in and breathe in, because one day, like tomorrow, today is gonna be my past. But just being like, yeah, man, this is really a really cool experience and just being grateful, I think when you are in the present it breeds gratitude because you, you, you Are not promised the future, because you're not promised the future. So when you're in the, when you're in the present. It breeds a different type of gratitude that you can have for the people around you, for yourself and for what's happening now, that you can't get if you're constantly either stuck in reverse or if you're revving up the engine going toward the future.

Man, that's good. And I what I? I think one of the things that came alive and what you said was that the present goes by so quickly. Yeah, and if you, if you're not careful, you'll miss it. Yeah, I said like today will become your past in 24 hours. That's it. That's all you got and how often we miss today, living using the time we have today, living in the past or the present, I'm sorry. The past, the future.

So I think, I think that's a great point, like alright, so.

One of the things I like what you said earlier was use the word intrusive. Use the word intrusive and like you were, like you know we were talking about the singleness aspect of Just kind of like the future thinking but or single season and all this stuff and how like sometimes the thought of, like, sometimes the thoughts around the future about that Seem intrusive. Intrusive, it's like I don't want to think about it, but it's, it's coming, okay. So I like that word intrusive because I I think I resonate, and People probably would resonate, with the idea of thoughts just feeling intrusive, like I don't want to think this like you. You know, you said in the very beginning Anxiety is something that you deal with, do you like? How do you manage intrusive, anxious thoughts?

Yeah, man. So I think that, as of lately, I really have been Honestly just taking a beat, just kind of just taking a beat and then Trying to breathe it out, like I think what we don't realize is how, how Important breath is and just breathing and just realizing one thing of I'm in the present, like I'm here, like I'm grounded, I'm okay, yeah, the things that I'm worried about, that I'm anxious about that, that will pass, it's gonna pass, like so just just breathe it out. So one thing is simple is just kind of taking a beat, breathing and then, like you know, also, I kind of like to be, you know, vulnerable and let people know where I am. Yeah, just let people know. Like, hey, right now I'm not doing too well or I need to take a minute to step out and Do what I do to do, and then I'll come back and then I'll, you know, then I'll be okay, but just being, I think, more the overall, I think, thing that I do is just really Become self-aware, yeah, of what's going on, acknowledging those feelings and just moving with them. I think a lot of times when we don't acknowledge them is when we kind of delve into those spirals, and I think that one thing is like. I want to try to Acknowledge them, know that they are there and try to dictate what's real and what's not real. Yeah, sometimes my feelings, cuz sometimes my feelings can be I'm trying to think of the way I want to phrase it Because sometimes, okay, so my feelings can be real, but are they true at the time? So, like they're real, but like are they true, just trying to differentiate what where I am at the time. That's good, because we all have feelings for a reason, we have emotions for a reason, and those things are very real. But what's the truth about those things? And just trying to define those things and I think that's what kind of helps me when I try to get into like an anxious fight or whatever and just be really honest with people. And I think I just learned over the years that kind of like I'm not a peninsula, I'm not an island. I need other people, yes, and because, like, when I get by myself, it's real easy to just continue in their own cycle, going on and on in my own head try to validate the reasonings behind why I'm feeling what I'm feeling, and then you start becoming your own psychologist and it's just really weird. Man, yeah, I'm just like what's so weird? What's so weird? What's so weird, yeah, but I think that's the biggest thing just knowing that, like I'm, I can't do anything or any of this on my own, but just letting people aware and then honestly, like I also pray about it. I'm just like man, lord, you know I'm anxious right now, so I need you to help me get out, please, amen, you know, just be something simple like that. Like you'll be, like Lord. I'm not feeling it right now. I need you to remove this.

Yeah, you know you, what you, okay. So this is what one thing I love, what you, what you said, we do this. This is. This is my own pet peeve, and I'm not going to stay on this soap box for more than 30 seconds, but I I really and I do it because I've fallen into the lingo, but this, this idea of man I love. You said this, this idea of truth versus reality, because we use the phrase my truth all the time, right, but what I, but what I really genuinely think that we mean is my reality. And now you know, and, and reality is valid, and reality is real, it's reality, it's, it's, it's, it's an actual thing. Yeah, but it does need to be distinguished from the truth. Yeah, um, somebody's reality could be that nobody, nobody, cares about what happens to me. That could be their reality and that is fair. The truth also may be. I have gotten and received phone calls for a week from three different people that I didn't pick up.

Yeah.

Yeah, right, you know what I mean yeah. That's just a random, you know example. But, like, your reality is real and no, and nobody gets to take that away from you. No, but let's not conflate the two, because to say that my reality is because what'll, what'll happen is people, my truth is that nobody cares and you can't tell me. It's my truth and you can't tell me anything about it. Okay, yeah, but but is that true, though? Right, is it true? Is it true? Is that? Do you have actual facts to back that up? Cause, truth has to have facts, reality does it, and the truth has to have facts to back it up. So reality can be your personal experience. Yeah, that's okay. Yeah, but don't call that truth Exactly. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, I know that. Just, it bothers me. I think we, I think we give our reality entirely, our current reality. It's the other thing. Reality changes. Truth doesn't. Reality changes. Come on, you know what I'm saying. And so it's like we give reality, we put reality on the throne of truth and it makes us. It's unstable. You can't handle that. It's unstable. It shouldn't, it shouldn't rule your life.

Nah, Anyway.

I'm done.

We have virtual reality.

We have virtual reality. It was crazy. I think that's crazy because your virtual reality, literally we could be in the exact same space and you have a totally different reality than me. Yeah Right, Because we have on. We have on these little goggles and your experience is something completely different, completely different. Same same same hardware, yeah, different reality, yes, in the same space. Yep, that's that's how I mean. Okay, let's acknowledge that, let's talk about that. But let's not call that truth Cause the truth is, we're actually experiencing the exact same thing at the same time. It just looks different cause we have on different. We're just seeing things differently. That's the truth, right? Anyway, we're, I'm done, I'm gonna stop, but you, just you triggered something, because I really believe that that understanding of being able to distinguish between the two, like reality versus truth, will help people with thoughts that are intrusive, that you're like okay, this is happening in my mind. Like you said, acknowledge it, but don't, don't put it on a throne and don't belong on Right right?

No, because that that reality, like you said, it can change, but like, what's the solidified truth behind what it is that you're experiencing right now, at the time? That's it, and I think that's the that's the biggest thing, man, and we get it mixed up, like you said, we get it, we get it totally mixed up reality and truth. So I think that's something that I've really really been learning, just man, just to identify those things and to know that reality, like the things that I think and where I am and stuff like, and those feelings, those things good, bad, indifferent, whatever those things are real. But like, what's the truth behind it, though?

Like what's true. What's true. What's true. What's true for you today? What is true?

In any way. True, truly, it's raining outside today.

It's truly raining outside today. It is definitely raining. That is just sad. It's the truth.

Yeah, but the truth for me is that I am man. I am. The truth for me today is that I'm very much so, a person who doesn't know what they're doing, but also is willing to try, and that there will be like different, like bumps in the road, different Unexpected things. Things are good, bad and different, but the truth is that it's okay Whatever, whatever it is like. So, yeah, so that's real.

There'll always be a season where you don't know what you're doing. No, for real, I have to be willing to try, and you know what.

And I think the thing of it is is I don't even know if it, if not knowing what you're doing, will even be just one season. No, I think we're always not knowing what we're doing. Right, it's just having the courage to just go ahead and be like I have no idea what I'm doing and people and other people just think I know what I'm doing because that's correct. That's correct, you know. Other people just think I know what I'm doing and they're validating me as to say that I know what I'm doing.

It's the truth. Food out here in these streets.

It's so funny like I think so much about like just how we are is as humans. It's just so funny to me because, like we legit I Think probably I probably think about this more than I probably should but just thinking just like how we just are here on this earth and we're just moving around as if we know what we're doing or as if we control anything, and I and I can just imagine us just like, like if guys just looking down at us, like we like legit, just look like ants, just work her, ants going in and out, just doing about our day, and it's just like y'all real deal, think y'all got any power, I'm gonna wipe you out. Come on, what you think I can make her put the heck like. It's just so funny to me to really think that we, we feel as if, though, we know what we're doing. I think I just came to the realization of, like I don't know what I'm doing and I'm just still gonna try anyway and it's okay. Yes, if I find where I didn't miss success, then great.

So, as we wrap up this wonderful conversation about unlearning, living in the past or the future and focusing on the present Encourage, will you just like talk to someone who is probably experiencing the same thing and struggling with the anxiety of the future and Just kind of give them a couple of thoughts of your, of your wisdom and what you're learning right now?

Yeah. So Know that if you are thinking about the future, did that's? That's a good thing, that's okay. If you're thinking about the past, that's okay as well. Don't get so stuck in the glory days or the what used to be of the past to where it starts to make you feel Regretful of what you shoulda, coulda or woulda done and thinking. Don't get so ahead of yourself and thinking about the future that it causes you to be anxious Into where, because you know we're not, we're not really, you know, we're not certain about the future and what it holds for us. Hold very loosely what it is that you think about the future. Don't cling so tightly to it. And and where you are now is okay, you're okay, you're enough and Just being Is okay. Like a lot of times people feel as if if I do this or make this much, then I've made it. Or if you know, if I Drove this type of car, had this type of house or this type of man or this many kids, or live in this district or whatever, then I would have been X, y and Z. But just knowing that where you are presently is enough and you are okay, like to be where you are right now is just. It's a miracle in itself that you're even here, just all in this time, in this, in this present time. And Just don't think too far ahead. Live very loosely with that. Have some plans, but also know that you're not the author of your own plans and the things of the past are the past. For a reason, if they're regretful or if there's something that would Was good. Think finally on the things that were good in the past. Be grateful for those, but also have a have gratitude for the present and just be here, because people need you here. They don't need you in the future, in the past. They need the now you.

Oh, that's good, cara. Cara, thanks for coming on the show.

Thank you for having me.

Yeah, this was okay. So, um, where can people find you? Because you do be, could do your cooking stuff, and then you also be out here in the world singing and stuff, and then you also be out here in the world writing and stuff and you just be doing lots of, and so, um, tell, poor people can like kind of follow you and just see what you up to, because you're always up to something fun.

Yeah, so I'm on On platforms. On Facebook I do have that. I'm private, so but if you want to be my friend on there, it's Cara K R A Rogers, r O D G E R S and Instagram it is let's L E T S. No apricot free before this. Let's underscore welcome. Underscore, cara. That's where you'll see Carby cooking and just some other random content as well. Yeah, in the new year we're actually before the new year I'm gonna try to make like some you know, some other steps and stuff so I can give you all like a you know website or something you know. So but, yeah, um, if you want to follow me there, follow me there.

Some okay cool, all right. So Thank you, cara, for being on the podcast. This was amazing and I'm looking forward to the next time. Thank y'all for listening to the unlearned podcast. Let's keep on learning together so that we could experience More freedom. We'll see y'all next week. Bye, thank you once again for listening to the unlearned podcast. We would love to hear your comments and your feedback about the episode. Feel free to follow us on Facebook and Instagram and to let us know what you think. We're looking forward to the next time when we are able to Unlearn together to move forward towards freedom. See you then.