Transcript
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hello, hello, hello everybody, and welcome once again to the unlernt podcast.
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I am your host, ruth abigail aka ra what's up, friends?
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It's your girl, jaquita and this is the podcast that's helping you gain the courage to change your mind so that you can experience more freedom.
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And uh, it is.
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Let's see, it is our first series of the year.
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Yeah, we're excited.
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We're excited to have you all.
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Hey, before we jump in, we just want to say one more big thank you for everybody joining our very first facebook live, youtube live event.
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Um and uh, y'all showed up, y'all showed out, you, you, uh, you did your thing it was.
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It was fun, all the calls and the text messages afterwards, the messages yo, for everybody who was there in that live audience.
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Thank you for hyping up the conversation, okay yes because that was, that was literally one of the best experiences of my life.
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Like it was, it was an amazing time.
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Like it really was the way, uh, the lord oh boy, oh boy, don't get me stirred up, saints, I'm gonna stay tame today yeah, please, let's do that, because, because y'all, really, y'all, really like, quita was about to like fly out of her chair and several moments during that live she really was struggling to contain herself.
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I told Ruth that when I rewatched it I was like I'm just sitting there rocking, like the mothers Not rocking.
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Yes, lord, yes Lord.
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It was so good.
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She just told me that every time as I was talking and she wanted to interrupt me because she had something good that came, she had to sip her tea.
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So if you watch it and you look back, every time she's sipping tea, just know she's holding something back because I'm talking.
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She waited but ruth was saying some good stuff but I understand it like you know, I want to jump in, I want to jump in.
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I just think that's funny, I think that's a very, you know that's a very good experience though yes, very much so very much so we want to make sure you know the saints are getting both of us amen, amen.
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So, if you remember, in our in the live, we shared that we'll be starting a new series, so this is a series where we really want to dive into what it looks like to unlearn that which was um well, I'll say it like this that which we learned around our kitchen tables.
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So you know for those of us that, like myself, we would have dinner most days out of the week, and you know, you taught things like you're.
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You taught things that are true by your parents, and you see things, you learn things.
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You also though the kitchen table can be expanded beyond an actual kitchen table you are in environments in which you learn things to be true or not true, and then, even more so in our general society, generations experience life differently that say this is true, this isn't true, this is right, this is wrong, this is what I should expect, this is what I shouldn't expect.
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So we have these kitchen table experiences on all these levels, right Personal, communal and societal and so what we want to do is unpack things that we have to unlearn based on that mentality, because the reality is everything that we've learned in our families, our communities and society isn't necessarily relevant or healthy for us in this season of our life, and so the so we want to, we want to unpack that, and today, um, oh, wait, hold on.
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I got to remember and we got to do better with this.
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Uh, this year, Remember if this, if this is of any value to you, all right, you remember to like, comment, share, subscribe.
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Uh, because we want to continue to get to know our community.
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We want to expand our community, and the only way we do that is for if you yeah, you, I'm looking at you If you help us to share this podcast with more people.
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So I'm telling you at the top share like subscribe, download, All right.
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Tell a friend, to tell a friend.
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Okay, you can find it on Facebook, instagram or YouTube.
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All right, we are in all those spaces.
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So just Apple Podcasts, spotify, anywhere you listen, it's there.
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And so we really want you guys to connect and make sure that you do that again.
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If this is of value to you, and you know what, if it ain't of value to you, don't worry about it, it's cool.
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No problem.
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If it's not valuable to you, it's valuable to somebody else still share oh lord even if you watch you, okay, they're off the day, like it anyway, yeah, like it anyway.
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So we, we don't do it anyway, we're not gonna be on all the time, but you know, we, we appreciate the grace as long as the Lord is on, okay, and he wins.
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Thank you, chiquita.
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So, yeah, that's what our, that is what our series is about, and so we hope you guys tune in for the next several weeks on that, hey.
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So here's what's interesting.
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We just named all the different things so that we are on, but you know what we're not on?
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We're not on TikTok, and I think, no, nobody is I on TikTok, and I think no, nobody is going to say I think that that is okay, because seeing a TikTok is very likely, um, to not be here, uh, from from here on, it is.
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It is something is changing in our, in our society, and we're going to talk a little bit about what it looks like today, our society, and we're going to talk a little bit about what it looks like today, um, like how do you navigate normal in different seasons of your life and what do we have to unlearn about normal in different seasons?
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And so we bring up TikTok because, uh, for a lot of y'all and I'm not one of y'all, I'm not, I've never been a TikToker, I don't have TikTok, I never downloaded TikTok, but I know a lot of people that do and TikTok has been a very staple norm in your life and I just want to be the first to say I'm so sorry that you're going to have to go through this little shift.
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Listen, the saints are in mourning.
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Okay.
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I saw all of y'all little Instagram posts and TikTok may be back by the time y'all actually watch this.
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I don't know.
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No, nobody know what's about to happen with the tickety top, okay, but the saints are in mourning.
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Y'all done all, posted the little I have, tiktok, and I thank TikTok for those couple of perfumes I was able to buy for the low Shout out to TikTok for that.
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A couple of recipes I got from TikTok, thank you.
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I was not a big TikToker, okay, you know I'm a Facebook and Instagram girly.
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I really don't know what I'm doing on those other ones, but nevertheless, the saints are in mourning, okay, and y'all are going to have to learn what Ruth Abigail told y'all last week Y'all going gonna have to learn how to pivot.
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Okay, y'all gonna have to pivot up out of there.
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I'm not really sure what that is.
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It's the truth, Even if TikTok does come back.
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I don't know why.
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Tiktok is the one where society was like we ain't having it Okay, we not having this tickety-tock stuff.
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You wanna know why?
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It's because y'all started doing all them dances.
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Y'all wanted to get on there and you started doing it at the workplaces and you upset the boomers.
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You upset the older generation.
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Because y'all was at work doing it Real talk, though this is a little like, it's a little like this.
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But we got a parent.
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I had a team member receive a text from a parent with one of her children doing a tick in a tiktok dance at angel street right, because during break they that's one of the things that they love to do is do tiktoks.
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And she, she found it and she didn't so much like the song they were dancing to, which is fair, I didn't either, but it was funny because for this generation they're like, I mean, it's really not that big of a deal, like that's fine and and and in comparison to other things that you see it, it wasn't, but it also, I agree it wasn't appropriate, um, and it was just really interesting.
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Like you know, that is true.
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Like there, there are things in the generation that younger generations, that older ones, are like hey, hey, we don't like this, shut this down you know, tiktok, I also think, became such a staple in how people do things.
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You know, how are you gonna make money?
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Oh, I do it through tiktok.
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Oh, you know, whereas like instagram and facebook which, yes, the millennials bought those in.
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You can thank us later, okay, but instagram and facebook was like look at my kids, we went to to the zoo.
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That is so true.
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You know, this is so wonderful at the zoo, but TikTok came in and became an industry and everybody was like hold up, hold up.
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This has to.
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We need to put some policies and guidelines and procedures around this.
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So you know, y'all, y'all took TikTok to the next level and now TikTok need just, she just need a little rest.
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Tiktok is tired.
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Y'all, y'all done.
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Wore TikTok out.
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Tiktok said give me a moment, just give me a minute.
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And I think it's interesting because, to your point we TikTok was, it did serve something, an important medium in a lot of people's lives and seasons.
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And I do want to acknowledge that during the pandemic it was a very relevant, necessary thing for people to connect in a different way, especially for younger generations, and for to connect in a different way, right, not just connect with personal information, like you were saying, just updates on lives, but like like information.
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I mean, so many people tell me you know, tiktok teaches you so much, like I learned how to do this on TikTok and all this and again, I'm not a TikToker, I don't.
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The only reason I downloaded it one time is because you know, there was a time where I could watch the TikToks that somebody sent me just on the browser and then they changed to where you had to have the app and so I like caved and got the app and then I deleted it the next day because I didn't want it.
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So, but like I, so I, but I, so I don't have that experience, but I hear all the time like, no, tiktok is not just for fun, like I actually learn and gain information from it, and so it's to be acknowledged, like, hey, it's useful.
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It is not just a fly-by-night tool, it's a real useful thing.
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But the question is what happens when, because of no fault of your own and it's out of your control, something happens that changes your norm?
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Like, what do you do and what is the proper response?
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Right, is it to and I think this is a general question that I do ask, and I think even we ask during the after the pandemic for a lot of different things, work being one of them.
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Right, this is also, like you know, is it?
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Do we push into Do I need to be up in here?
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Well, yeah, like, do we push to?
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Do we keep pushing forward in these new kind of ways that we connect and work, or do we recreate what we used to have?
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Wait a minute because I feel like I have a relevant example.
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I don't know if I've ever shared this on the podcast, but about two years ago my house flooded and I, you know, I was gone for Christmas.
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I was gone for Christmas break and I came back and I was in my garage and I heard water like a river flowing and I walked in my house and it was water everywhere and it was devastating because the floor I had carpet then was soaked to where, if you walk through it, you could see the tracks of you walking through the house.
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And when it came time, they had to cut out part of my wall, rip up all of the flooring and I had a completely new template and I remember I was out because I had to go shopping for floors and paint colors and new furniture.
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Everything had to get replaced and I remember I was out and I was like, okay, I just want the same gray flooring that was in the kitchen, let's just put that all through the house.
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And I remember I had out and I was like, okay, I just want the same gray flooring that was in the kitchen, let's just put that all through the house.
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And I remember I had a friend pull me to the side and she said you're trying to recreate what was when you are going to have to embrace what God is trying to build for you.
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And a lot of times we get to points in our lives where we're like okay, this is what I learned from my parents or this is what I saw my parents have and I need to recreate this and put those same gray floors in this new structure.
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And the Lord is saying take a step back, because I'm trying to do something new and you're going to have to find a new normal.
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And that's not always easy to do, because we want to build off of the template and not off of god's plan um, I am reminded of the uh, new wine, old wineskins reference amen in scripture.
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I mean, it was good.
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Yes, you shall did um, but but like you know, the reality is, when we try to recreate what was to put in something new, the thing that they won't last very long together.
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They're not going to last very long.
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Are you saying that the old and the new won't coexist very long together?
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Is that what you just said?
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I think that's what I said.
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Yes, is that what I said, and it was good Amen.
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Amen, amen, amen, yeah, yeah.
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Yeah, yeah, no, no, no no, yeah, yeah, no, no, no, no, no.
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They don't, yeah, it doesn't, it doesn't.
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It doesn't last very long, especially when, when, when it's when it's when you're fighting up against each other Because often that's that's the tension, right is, this is what is, but this is what I want.
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I'm going to, I'm going to basically force these two things to work.
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And oftentimes that is not so and oftentimes that is not so.
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So the beautiful thing.
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So let's take.
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Let's take work, for example, because I think the work place has been a real source of tension in this conversation Like where, what do we even for me, right, I mean, I struggle with doing?
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You know, I do work with young people, at teenagers, and so the way that we connect to teenagers like I was trained in a different way right when I was trained, I was trained to go in to schools and connect with kids directly in schools, kind of be at the school for a long time, really, kind of like use a lot of my time in the schools, fluctuating, making informal connections and connecting with young people in that way, and that is still a way to do it.
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However, when you look at the pandemic and you look at the way a lot of schools are operating now, it is not nearly as easy to be that flexible inside of schools, right, and so the way I even have to train my team as to how to make connections with young people Now I have to be willing to not force the way I was trained onto them, because it's what I understand the most and it's what I know, worked when it worked, but I the thing.
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I think one of the things about um existing at a new normal is understanding that anything new you're going to have to be open to learn.
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So even if you are leading, if something is new, the first, the first thing you have to do as a leader is learn.
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You've got to do learning before you can then help your, help, the people behind you or around you to embrace something.
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So that means you're no longer in a posture of directing and teaching.
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You're in a posture of directing and teaching, You're in a posture of student because I don't know.
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And so you have to humble yourself to a place where it says we say, okay, I don't have an answer to this question.
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The best I have is an answer that is old and that's not good enough.
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So, let's pause, let's learn together and then let's, let's form a new way, and that that could be really.
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That could be really really tough, right, because you're fighting against the old.
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But I think that that's so key because, you know, I think a huge part of our podcast and the reach of it is to help, like, one generation of leaders, understand how to impart and build and instruct and guide the next generation of leaders.
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And I oftentimes find myself like really studying them and being like.
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Y'all are different, you know, like and I'm not even talking about like me as as a millennial to the people who are children right now.
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I'm talking about me as an older millennial to some of the younger millennials.
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I'm talking about me as a millennial talking to people who are in the Gen Z era and that's early 20s.
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Now y'all you know what I'm saying.
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They children, they are young adults for real.
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And I remember I had a conversation because, you know, when I went through school, when I was in college, the college right, everything was about together.
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You know we did study groups.
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You know we went and did things together.
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You know if we went out somewhere, it was together.
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You know, if I'm in a class, I'm trying to connect with other people because everything was about community, Whereas I have often found myself trying to create community with a younger generation that does not embrace it and telling them and I'd be like, cause, you know, like I'm in school right now and most of the people I'm in school with are my friends, I have a good bit of friends in my program and I'm like, hey, y'all, y'all want to study together.
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Y'all want to, and they're like not really.
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And I'm like what happened to study groups around here?
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You don't do that on my own, and so I had to readjust my framework of how I engage them, and it requires giving them a lot of independence, but being a soft place for them to land when things don't go as they expected it to, Because I'm the one with the experience, but they're the one with the proper perspective about what the people they're serving needs right.
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So, like they're the ones who are actually doing the work and I'm the one that has to support them and give them the proper framework.
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And so it requires, it's going to require more give on the part of the older generations than I think sometimes we're prepared to give.
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And I think that this is applicable also in parenting, because I think we try to parent children how we were parented Absolutely.
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We're like, hey, what's?
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wrong with this?
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You know, I grew up on the spare, the rods for a child.
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You know, I grew up on the what I say goes, you know.
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I grew up on don't ask me no questions.
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Just do what I say.
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You know I grew up on and, but you haven't.
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The only way you can redefine what's normal is if you take a step back and really, really deal with what needs to be dismantled in you.
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What did that do in you?
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And I'm not I'm not sitting here.
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I'm not a huge proponent for gentle parenting, you know.
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I want you all to do what works for your household.
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I want y'all also to be balanced, Okay, Okay, but you know what I'm saying.
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Like, I'm not a proponent for one or the other, but I am a proponent for, for stepping back and critically thinking.
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Okay, you're trying to use the same methods and the same attitude and the same uh, uh things that you were under, but you struggled with some of that stuff and it had a deeper impact on you than you're even recognizing for yourself.
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How are you?
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Why won't you take a step back and do what's necessary for you to heal and have understanding, so you can give that to your child?
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have understanding so you can give that to your child.
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So, quida, what about normal is feels is safe and comfortable for you?
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Why is normal safe and comfortable?
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Normal is safe and comfort because I think normal has established a pattern right.
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When we talk about normal, we say, okay, I can predict that A plus B is going to get me to C, because this is the pattern that I have established, that is now normal in my life and I want to keep that normal.
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A plus B equals C, because then it requires less from me.
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I don't have to change, I don't have to shift, I don't have to become something new in order to get something new.
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I can just keep myself in the same cycle, doing these same things and getting exactly what I expect.
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And so normal is safe.
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And so normal is safe.
00:21:22.382 --> 00:21:27.023
Normal a lot of times feels because it's predictable.
00:21:27.023 --> 00:21:35.326
It's predictable and you have already seen the evidence of what is normal in your life.
00:21:35.465 --> 00:21:39.287
That's correct you have not yet seen the evidence of doing something new.
00:21:39.287 --> 00:22:00.913
Yeah, and so, even though sometimes the results that you got from doing A plus B equals C, even though sometimes those were not the results that you really wanted and that's not like the hope that you really have for your life, sometimes we stay in it just because, well, at least I know what I'm going to get Right.
00:22:00.913 --> 00:22:08.674
Sometimes we stay in those relationships because at least I know I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.
00:22:08.674 --> 00:22:10.256
At least I know what I'm going to get.
00:22:10.256 --> 00:22:11.715
That's real.
00:22:11.715 --> 00:22:21.419
And a lot of times we don't want because you getting something different is not dependent on somebody else bringing something different to your life.
00:22:29.080 --> 00:22:33.039
It's depending on you deciding to change and you deciding to break the norm in order to get something better.
00:22:33.039 --> 00:22:37.786
So y'all know we, y'all look, y'all know us, but let them know.
00:22:37.786 --> 00:22:38.228
We have a plan Today.
00:22:38.228 --> 00:22:39.272
We have a plan, by the way, we actually have a plan.
00:22:39.272 --> 00:22:41.681
We have notes and everything, but what I'm about to do is I'm about to go.
00:22:41.681 --> 00:22:42.482
I'm about to go left.
00:22:42.522 --> 00:22:44.586
I already knew we weren't going to really get to these notes like that.
00:22:44.707 --> 00:22:48.433
So, basically, everything you just said cause just sparked in me.
00:22:48.433 --> 00:22:53.191
Can we talk a little bit about, um, the children of Israel?
00:22:53.191 --> 00:23:04.144
Uh, I know, I know I'm going a little bible, which is is not always the norm for this podcast but, um, I think this is.
00:23:04.265 --> 00:23:10.866
This is an excellent, uh, illustration of what it looks like to fight against what's new and want to go back to what you know.
00:23:10.866 --> 00:23:23.387
Right, um, is the when, the when, when they, when they ask a question, when they the complaining we don't have where's our food, why we gotta keep eating this same stuff.
00:23:23.387 --> 00:23:29.203
We in the wilderness, right, um, we were, we were doing better in egypt.
00:23:29.203 --> 00:23:37.346
Now, for those who are not, uh, thank you, bring the hard copy, get us, get us to the hard copy get us to the hard copy.
00:23:37.906 --> 00:23:49.663
But, but let me just this is for those of you that are are not familiar with the story um, you know, the children of israel were in bondage in egypt for 400 years.
00:23:49.663 --> 00:23:56.752
Uh, moses comes, and, through a series of events, they are delivered from egypt.
00:23:56.752 --> 00:24:05.991
Okay, they then escape egypt, cross over a sea, so they're completely, uh, separated from egypt and their old life.
00:24:05.991 --> 00:24:10.864
But they walk and they get into a situation where they're in the wilderness.
00:24:10.864 --> 00:24:13.671
They have it, they're in between bondage and freedom.
00:24:13.671 --> 00:24:16.663
They haven't reached freedom, but they're no longer slaves in bondage.
00:24:16.663 --> 00:24:25.039
They're in that in-between stage and they're getting tired, and they're tired of what they don't, they're tired of living in the middle.
00:24:25.039 --> 00:24:36.980
And so, because, to your point, because I don't know what freedom looks like, I'd rather go back to what I know, even if it means I'm going to be enslaved, right?
00:24:37.462 --> 00:24:38.647
I'm sorry because I'm right there.
00:24:38.647 --> 00:24:40.455
We actually talked about this in church today.
00:24:40.455 --> 00:24:40.838
Look at God.
00:24:40.838 --> 00:24:42.246
You better pull a word.
00:24:42.246 --> 00:24:46.923
You better pull it out of the atmosphere is what you better do, y'all you know.
00:24:46.923 --> 00:24:52.089
I just want to take a moment and for those of you who have been, you know supporters for a while.
00:24:52.089 --> 00:24:56.049
You know me and Ruth Abigail's relationship and you know how different we are.
00:24:56.049 --> 00:25:02.859
And in this moment, right now, I'm just so proud because I see the impact of my love and support of her.
00:25:02.859 --> 00:25:05.786
I see that coming to fruition right before my very eyes.
00:25:05.786 --> 00:25:08.086
It's so beautiful to see.
00:25:08.105 --> 00:25:08.768
Don't ruin it.
00:25:08.768 --> 00:25:09.329
Don't ruin it.
00:25:09.641 --> 00:25:13.387
Somewhere in the chat y'all just tell Ruthie proud of her, don't ruin it.
00:25:13.387 --> 00:25:14.391
No, she out here.
00:25:14.391 --> 00:25:22.103
She got a word on the inside of her, but anyways, you know.
00:25:22.103 --> 00:25:30.851
So we were talking about Numbers 13 in church today, and it's the moment where, again, if you're familiar with the story, you know they finally do get to the point where they're close to the promised land.
00:25:30.851 --> 00:25:33.673
Right, they left Egypt, which was a place of bondage.
00:25:33.673 --> 00:25:41.848
They've been in the wilderness, which is like kind of that in-between place, but it's not a fun place to be, but it is a place where we're having to trust God every day.
00:25:42.260 --> 00:25:46.148
And God is trying to rework their normal out of bondage.
00:25:46.148 --> 00:25:47.952
Because you were in bondage.
00:25:47.952 --> 00:25:51.116
We have to redefine what normal is for you.
00:25:51.116 --> 00:25:51.519
That's correct.
00:25:51.519 --> 00:25:54.528
You need to do it before you get over there.
00:25:54.528 --> 00:26:03.461
That's right, right.
00:26:03.461 --> 00:26:07.976
So if anybody feels like they're in an in-between place either, you are just in a place where God is trying to redefine what you feel is normal, because the promise is bigger than the place of bondage.
00:26:07.976 --> 00:26:08.438
The promise is bigger.
00:26:08.438 --> 00:26:09.961
It's bigger than the persecution.
00:26:10.421 --> 00:26:12.564
And if that's, that's that's.
00:26:12.564 --> 00:26:13.724
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off.
00:26:13.724 --> 00:26:14.145
Keep going.
00:26:14.145 --> 00:26:15.247
No, it's all right.