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June 4, 2024

Talks With Middle Adults: Leadership Be Hard...Let's Talk About It

Talks With Middle Adults: Leadership Be Hard...Let's Talk About It
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Can effective leadership transform your team from good to great? Tune in to the Unlearned Podcast as we explore the heart of leadership with Ruth Abigail (RA) and Jaquetta. In this special two-part series, we reveal the origin story of our podcast, rooted in our mutual support and shared leadership experiences. This episode is rich with insights on preparing young leaders for the future, the art of influence, and the hurdles of navigating leadership in today’s dynamic culture. 

We provide actionable strategies for addressing team needs, such as asking team members what they require and reintroducing accountability tools. We also explore the need for emotional intelligence and empathy in fostering a healthy workplace culture, balancing familiarity with the necessary boundaries. Through personal anecdotes, we illustrate how genuine relationships, clear communication, and creativity can help leaders adapt to constant changes and better understand their teams' underlying intentions.

Leadership is not just about managing systems; it's about nurturing human potential. We delve into the crucial elements of developing and retaining young leaders, highlighting the alarming statistic that 82% of people leave their jobs due to their direct manager. Effective communication, particularly understanding nonverbal cues and individual processing styles, is key to successful leadership. We also tackle the complexities of leadership transitions, stressing the importance of visionary leaders who can reorient their teams towards future goals. Join us as we prepare to lead with purpose, vision, and a commitment to collective progress.

Chapters

00:03 - Unlearned Podcast

05:58 - Leadership

19:18 - Leadership Styles and Organizational Dynamics

33:35 - Leaders' Development and Responsibility

43:58 - Leadership, Communication, and Creativity

49:34 - Understanding Leadership Through Communication

59:16 - Navigating Leadership Transitions and Vision

01:07:23 - Navigating Leadership Transitions With Patience

Transcript
WEBVTT

00:00:03.926 --> 00:00:09.996
hello, hello everybody, and welcome once again to the unlearned podcast.

00:00:09.996 --> 00:00:13.342
I am your host, ruth abigail aka ra.

00:00:13.342 --> 00:00:14.183
What's up?

00:00:14.183 --> 00:00:14.664
What's up?

00:00:14.664 --> 00:00:22.608
It's your girl, chiquita, and this is the podcast that is helping you gain the courage to change your mind so that you can experience more freedom.

00:00:22.608 --> 00:00:26.946
We're very excited to be with y'all week after week we drop on Tuesdays.

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Be sure to like, share, subscribe, get in there.

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This is something that you will find you find helpful to yourself or somebody else that you might know.

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Listen, listen.

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You got a friend.

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You got a friend.

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You know need this.

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All right, don't hold it to yourself.

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Be a good friend and share no-transcript.

00:01:14.200 --> 00:01:14.802
That was a lot.

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That was a lot.

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High degree of confidence we have here.

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It's all about trying to help people, to understand the necessity of helping their friends, and I felt like I could be of help there.

00:01:28.945 --> 00:01:30.911
Wow, All seriousness.

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No, no, you know me and Ruth, we, we share with each other.

00:01:33.647 --> 00:01:34.561
We share.

00:01:34.561 --> 00:01:42.123
You know, I think a part of like the idea for this podcast came when me and Ruth got like our the leadership roles that we have now.

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We started like having like meetings, like hey, let's have some talks about what you're learning in leadership and how we can help each other.

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We were like reading books, like hey, I read this book and it taught me this.

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Like what you learn, what you read, I need some help.

00:02:03.004 --> 00:02:08.492
So like literally, literally, like I think a lot of like what we know about leadership.

00:02:08.492 --> 00:02:12.188
We kind of learn together and I think that's what that's, what good friendship is.

00:02:12.188 --> 00:02:18.288
You know, it's really having each other's backs through all seasons of life and leadership is just one of those things.

00:02:18.288 --> 00:02:20.387
We were like, hey, you a leader, I'm a leader too.

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You got some tips.

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No, that's a good point.

00:02:23.639 --> 00:02:24.486
No, that's a good point.

00:02:24.486 --> 00:02:26.924
No, that's true, I forgot we used to have our what we call them director's meetings.

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Our director's meetings.

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Yeah, yeah, we did used to do that.

00:02:30.461 --> 00:02:32.227
And now these are our director's meetings.

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Now we're doing them publicly, you know what I mean?

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We letting y'all in.

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Okay, giving you the inside scoop.

00:02:40.780 --> 00:02:41.881
We be talking about this stuff.

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This is important, and leadership is actually a very you know.

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We've been talking about different things relationships, finances, mentorship.

00:02:50.971 --> 00:02:51.972
We've been talking about different things.

00:02:51.972 --> 00:02:56.616
I think this topic is something that is really pretty near and dear to our hearts.

00:02:56.616 --> 00:03:00.966
Absolutely, it's about influence.

00:03:00.966 --> 00:03:15.788
It's about who you are as a person, and, even though we haven't always been in leadership positions, we have always found ourselves as leaders on our journeys, and so I think that we've been dealing with this topic for a long time.

00:03:16.169 --> 00:03:19.215
And so because of that, we're actually going to break this thing up.

00:03:19.215 --> 00:03:20.562
So we're going to.

00:03:20.562 --> 00:03:22.328
You're going to get to how many?

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To two.

00:03:23.439 --> 00:03:23.741
You got it.

00:03:23.741 --> 00:03:25.685
We got a two for one special coming at you.

00:03:25.685 --> 00:03:27.808
Okay, buy one, get one free.

00:03:27.808 --> 00:03:28.972
There you go.

00:03:29.032 --> 00:03:30.375
Buy one, get one free.

00:03:30.375 --> 00:03:30.816
Bogo.

00:03:30.816 --> 00:03:39.806
We're going to do we're going to break this up, because we looked at our notes and we're like, oh shoot, this is going to be a four hour conversation, so let's not do that to the people.

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We're not Joe Rogan in here.

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We're going to.

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We're going to we're going to split this thing in half and and talk a little bit about about leadership over the course of a couple of weeks.

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So we really would love for y'all to engage with this.

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We like we have I think we've said this in previous episodes like young leaders are are extremely needed today, like we need to get to a point where we are prepared to take the mantle of leadership.

00:04:07.466 --> 00:04:08.168
And it is.

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It is a uh.

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There's a lot to learn.

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We're we're leading in a very different culture and so we wanted to just talk through a few ideas.

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We'll do a few today and a few next week we're going to.

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We want to talk through a few ideas that we have unlearned about leadership.

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My Lord.

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And we're going to just just share.

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Is that all right with you, queda?

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We going to do that.

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That's what we're going to do.

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Listen, sharing is caring, okay, and we care about y'all.

00:04:32.168 --> 00:04:51.781
We do and you know, I think one of the things that Ruth Abigail just said, like the, our future organizations are going to be shaped by how our young leaders learn to lead, and if we don't pass down the information that we learned, then we're not setting ourselves up to have better futures, like when we are at the next level of our leadership.

00:04:51.781 --> 00:04:55.490
I am preparing the people who are under me right now.

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I'm preparing every single one of them to be able to take my job if they want it.

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Like and you have to pass down information like that so that this thing can continue.

00:05:05.788 --> 00:05:06.750
We don't want no lapse.

00:05:06.750 --> 00:05:20.889
We don't want no lapse, and that the key is if they want it, because there's a lot of reasons you might not, and I think that's a reality of leadership, so we'll just dive in Hop on in there.

00:05:21.209 --> 00:05:22.091
You know we're going to dive in.

00:05:22.091 --> 00:05:29.466
So the first thing so, like I you know I've been, I'm a co-founder of an organization.

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I've led in many different positions.

00:05:32.052 --> 00:05:52.310
Um, this is the first one I've led from the top, like the top of the you know org chart, if you will, Uh, but in other positions as well, and in those I've've made a lot of mistakes, as most leaders have I don't dare say all people in leadership positions have made mistakes, and so I.

00:05:52.310 --> 00:05:54.985
Obviously, you know we have a podcast, so we like to talk.

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Words are something that you know I think both me and are pretty good with.

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But here's the thing and this is kind of the first thing, something I've had to unlearn as a leader that when you make a mistake and when you have to shift something in your leadership, you have to fight the perception of what, based on what you've done right, there is a perception of you as a leader.

00:06:15.831 --> 00:06:23.172
You got to fight that perception with actions, not words, because the perception was based in an action.

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So you can't fix the perception by saying what you're going to do or saying how you're going to change, or making it real eloquent and explaining it and all this stuff and creating a nice little podcast about it.

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You have to do it.

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You know what I'm saying.

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You got to do it.

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And so a lot of times, explanation is not what people need.

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They need action.

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And that's one of the things that I've had to.

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I've had to unlearn um as as a leader.

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That, and not just any action, but immediate action, and I've learned that.

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I have learned that the hard way like that, that those battles have been fought um hard fought and won in my leadership journey, is immediate action.

00:06:59.711 --> 00:07:00.273
What do you think?

00:07:01.160 --> 00:07:02.062
No, okay.

00:07:02.062 --> 00:07:03.244
So I don't know why.

00:07:03.244 --> 00:07:10.507
I don't know why, but this random quote from a movie just came to my mind Love and basketball.

00:07:10.507 --> 00:07:40.947
Yes, I know it's problematic, but here's the point, right, but where Monica just joined the team and she was struggling because she was like a rookie it was her freshman year and the coach was riding her, and I remember there was one point where they were running on the track and Monica was struggling and she was kind of in the back and the coach yelled out at her and said Monica, point guards lead from the front, right, and it's not just about, like, are you able to finish the lap?

00:07:41.026 --> 00:07:55.307
Yes, but the perception is that if you're going to be a person that leads this team, that has any role on this team, you have to be in the front of it, and so I think that, as leaders, our actions have to stay at the forefront of our perception.

00:07:55.728 --> 00:08:10.233
Like we have to continue to, like you know, put ourselves out there and make ourselves uncomfortable, and I think that that starts by realizing that everybody on your team is going to need something different and their perception of you is important.

00:08:10.579 --> 00:08:17.252
Like you don't get to just say this is who I am as a leader, no, no.

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Like if you, if and I think if you start with a servant, a servant, slash service mindset towards your leadership.

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That makes it easier to serve through actions, because service is always actions.

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We can always say, oh man, the poor just need money, they need resources, they need things, and we can talk about it all day, but only actually providing those resources is going to answer their immediate problems.

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And I think that we need to see our leadership like that too, like when you've made a mistake or when and sometimes it's not even about making mistakes something, sometimes there's just something that needs to be resolved that only you can do.

00:08:58.274 --> 00:09:10.009
Be the one and and you have to be the one to start the action at the very least, and make sure that you are modeling for your team what you want them to follow in.

00:09:10.409 --> 00:09:26.392
Yeah, I, I uh, recently, um, I addressed a couple of just frustrations that teams have and you know, uh, with a few of my, my team members, and I realized that we had a good conversation.

00:09:26.392 --> 00:09:37.089
So out of that, you know, the first thing, I think one of the most important things is to ask what needs to be done, right?

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So I think a part of, if you're going to use your words, use them for a question, and ask your team what is it that I need?

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What is it that you would need from me in order to resolve this and then go do it?

00:09:50.947 --> 00:09:52.509
Go do it Right.

00:09:52.509 --> 00:09:54.052
Um, I did.

00:09:54.052 --> 00:09:58.087
I recently had a conversation with some of my team members general team stuff.

00:09:58.087 --> 00:09:58.308
I mean.

00:09:58.308 --> 00:10:00.241
Look, if you leave people, you're going to have issues.

00:10:00.241 --> 00:10:01.725
It is what it is.

00:10:01.725 --> 00:10:03.548
That's no surprise to anybody.

00:10:03.548 --> 00:10:10.845
Uh, you're always just going to have like just stuff right Different personalities, different expectations, different understandings, miscommunication, all of it.

00:10:10.845 --> 00:10:18.390
And as a leader, if you are leading people, whether it's one person or a hundred people you've got to find ways to manage that.

00:10:19.312 --> 00:10:28.614
So one of the things I was actually thinking about recently was, like how am I going to answer this, or kind of respond to one of these frustrations?

00:10:28.614 --> 00:10:39.716
And it can be as simple as reintroducing a tool of just a tool for people to use.

00:10:39.716 --> 00:10:45.389
So it doesn't always have to be something like unique or specific or, like you know, you don't always have to.

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Sometimes it's just a matter of like, hey, we just need some, a way to work better.

00:10:49.840 --> 00:10:56.033
So I spent some time really kind of revising a tool that we had used in the past.

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I was like, oh shoot, we stopped using this, and this is where some of this stuff can kind of go out of whack.

00:11:00.659 --> 00:11:02.346
It's like, hey, we haven't used this in a couple of years.

00:11:02.346 --> 00:11:05.485
Out of whack, it's like, hey, we haven't used this in a couple of years, let's bring it back.

00:11:05.485 --> 00:11:05.886
It actually worked.

00:11:05.886 --> 00:11:25.871
Now you got there's some responsibility on both ends to you know, some accountability, but the tool helps to hold the accountability which ultimately will help with some of you know, when you have tools of accountability, a lot of times it helps with some of those misunderstandings, and so I think that is just a real practical way.

00:11:25.871 --> 00:11:27.173
It's like find a tool.

00:11:27.173 --> 00:11:29.326
The tool does not, should not always be you.

00:11:29.706 --> 00:11:43.311
If it's you, you're going to, you're going to burn out, you're going to be way too exhausted all the time for each thing, and you're also not going to do it effectively, because you, as a human, have emotions attached to you.

00:11:43.940 --> 00:11:44.788
Tools don't have emotions.

00:11:44.730 --> 00:11:45.157
Use the tool right.

00:11:45.157 --> 00:11:45.947
Yeah, and I think that, like, as a human, have emotions attached to you Tools.

00:11:45.947 --> 00:11:46.114
Don't have emotions.

00:11:46.114 --> 00:11:46.900
Use the tool right.

00:11:47.000 --> 00:11:55.227
Yeah, and I think that, like, as a leader, you have to be diligent about like, keeping yourself informed Leadership.

00:11:55.227 --> 00:11:56.452
You know how people say.

00:11:56.452 --> 00:11:59.000
You know like you're, are you a natural leader?

00:11:59.000 --> 00:12:43.403
Like you know, like you might have natural leadership, natural leadership capacity, but any talent or any gift that you have, if you are not building upon that, if you are not pouring into yourself and finding resources whether that's going to conferences, whether that's reading books about leadership, like you need tools at your disposal, but if you're not going out looking for that and you're always trying to shoot from the hip every time you find yourself in a new situation, you're really going to, you're not going to know how to react or how to be proactive in order to set the attitude for your team, and a lot of times, we come in with our own presuppositions about how people should feel about things or how people should react.

00:12:43.403 --> 00:12:49.974
You know, one thing that I try to be really intentional with my team is is that you know we are intentional.

00:12:49.974 --> 00:12:59.395
On every meeting, we start with kudos and affirmations right, like you know, like, start by telling each other like, what are the good things that we've seen about each other?

00:12:59.395 --> 00:13:06.714
What are the things that we've seen each other accomplish this year that we're like man, you really pushed through and want to let you know that I saw that Right.

00:13:06.714 --> 00:13:16.826
But even in that like, I still hear not just my team members but other other uh partners, community partners say, man, we don't get recognized enough for our work.

00:13:16.826 --> 00:13:20.980
Well, how many times am I going to hear that before I do something about it?

00:13:20.980 --> 00:13:23.605
Right, how many times am I?

00:13:23.605 --> 00:13:41.961
And and I think that the worst thing for somebody who is a team member to feel is unheard I have, because even speaking, a concern is uncomfortable, right, like if somebody comes to you and says hey, I have a concern about the way something is happening on the team.

00:13:41.961 --> 00:13:44.089
I have a concern about something, about the way something is happening on the team.

00:13:44.089 --> 00:13:46.860
I have a concern about the way something is happening in the organization.

00:13:46.860 --> 00:13:53.513
And I have braved through whatever I had to brave through to express my concern to you.

00:13:54.061 --> 00:14:03.572
And if you don't act on their concern, they will feel unheard and that stuff, if they stop talking to you, it's going to get bottled up.

00:14:03.572 --> 00:14:07.630
And now you have created more issues on your team.

00:14:07.630 --> 00:14:20.253
So the best thing you can do is is that when you are presented with the issues and with the situations that your team is still feels vulnerable and comfortable enough to share.

00:14:20.253 --> 00:14:25.508
You need to move on it because you don't want them to feel like you are not.

00:14:25.508 --> 00:14:29.815
You are a person who is dismissing what they're bringing to your attention.

00:14:29.815 --> 00:14:34.831
And moving on it does not mean just commiserating with them.

00:14:34.831 --> 00:14:40.961
It doesn't mean like man, girl, you feel that Me too Really does suck, doesn't it man?

00:14:40.961 --> 00:14:42.287
These people crazy, ain't it?

00:14:42.287 --> 00:14:44.648
Yeah, girl, but we don't keep on pushing through.

00:14:44.648 --> 00:14:47.066
Just push on through and it's going to be all right.

00:14:47.147 --> 00:15:05.371
No, I had one situation Be careful how I say this but I had one situation where a team member just expressed concern with how another leader was kind of like approaching them about a situation, and so I said you know what?

00:15:05.371 --> 00:15:09.671
Put me on the meeting because they were having side meetings with this person.

00:15:09.671 --> 00:15:14.315
I said don't even worry about it, add me to the meeting because I'm not going to let you face that alone.

00:15:14.315 --> 00:15:34.806
Right, I had to come up with a solution so that one my team member didn't feel unheard and that she didn't feel like she had backing, and also inserting myself into the situation to say, hey, I don't yet know what the solution is, but I know it's not going to be on her alone to carry this weight.

00:15:34.806 --> 00:15:42.211
If she brings a weight to me that says, hey, I'm, I'm really struggling with this, then, okay, add me to the mix.

00:15:42.211 --> 00:15:46.201
Let's, let's roll, let's go, we roll together.

00:15:46.221 --> 00:15:48.086
What's up, what you need to say, what's going on, what needs to happen?

00:15:48.086 --> 00:15:49.671
Okay, and it ain't.

00:15:49.671 --> 00:15:52.929
It's not even a confrontational thing, it's just a you need to.

00:15:52.929 --> 00:15:54.798
You know, like needs to be known, like.

00:15:54.798 --> 00:15:58.243
I got her back, and that's what people need to feel, right?

00:15:58.243 --> 00:16:06.152
Is that my leader, my, the person that I put my trust in, has my back.

00:16:06.493 --> 00:16:15.822
But if you don't move and you just all talk and no, show people not going to respect that, and then they're going to start finding solutions outside of you.

00:16:15.822 --> 00:16:24.067
And as a leader, I'm saying one thing as a leader, nothing feels worse than to see your team members go to other people to get what they need.

00:16:24.067 --> 00:16:35.192
Nothing feels worse when they came, they brought something to you and you didn't resolve it, so then they took it past you, like, as a leader, that's not a good feeling.

00:16:35.192 --> 00:16:42.035
But if you don't and sometimes it's not about making the right move, it's just about moving, keep moving until it's resolved.

00:16:42.035 --> 00:16:43.120
Okay, that didn't work.

00:16:43.120 --> 00:16:43.924
We're going to try something else.

00:16:43.924 --> 00:16:44.407
Okay, that didn't work.

00:16:44.407 --> 00:16:45.230
We're going to try something else.

00:16:45.230 --> 00:16:46.355
Okay, that didn't work, we're going to try something else.

00:16:46.355 --> 00:16:46.697
You know what?

00:16:46.717 --> 00:16:49.388
I'm saying yes, and I think you said something really good.

00:16:49.388 --> 00:16:54.611
Being heard is not just a matter of literally listening.

00:16:54.611 --> 00:16:55.926
It's a matter of taking action.

00:16:55.926 --> 00:16:59.744
The feeling of being unheard sometimes.

00:16:59.744 --> 00:17:05.191
I appreciate you listening, and they do, but they're not coming to you for you to just listen.

00:17:05.191 --> 00:17:16.462
Most of the time they're coming to you because they want you to do something, so you know, for a person to not feel unheard, it's going to take more than listening.

00:17:16.482 --> 00:17:19.169
It's going to take some version of action and and I I like it's it can be tough.

00:17:19.169 --> 00:17:21.073
It can be tough.

00:17:21.073 --> 00:17:28.704
I know one of the challenges I face with it is honestly prioritizing it, because you have all these other things.

00:17:28.704 --> 00:17:35.028
I have all these other things that I'm doing Right and it's like hey, you got to prioritize those moments.

00:17:35.028 --> 00:17:39.051
It's not something you get to push to the next meeting, our next staff meeting.

00:17:39.051 --> 00:17:43.074
Work do it today, it is not something that you get to push.

00:17:43.134 --> 00:17:51.922
The next one-on-one sometimes needs to be handled today, right, and so I have learned that it's not something you need to schedule another meeting for.

00:17:51.922 --> 00:17:53.405
I've done all those things right.

00:17:53.405 --> 00:17:59.210
Pushed it to a staff meeting, said I'll talk about it in the one-on-one, we're going to create a different meeting to handle this.

00:17:59.210 --> 00:18:00.280
I've done all those.

00:18:00.280 --> 00:18:01.703
None of them worked.

00:18:01.703 --> 00:18:03.567
None of them worked.

00:18:03.567 --> 00:18:26.015
All of them were about me being more comfortable with confronting it, and so I chose living in my own comfort zone as opposed to taking the right action when it comes to that, and so it gave a perception for my team at the time of I don't believe anything's going to change.

00:18:27.040 --> 00:18:43.686
And so you know, when you hear that, when you hear that from your team, like you need, you need to take that into consideration and I think a lot of leaders whether their team is, you know, saying it to them directly, which you said earlier that is really difficult.

00:18:43.686 --> 00:18:50.415
It's a difficult thing to come to, to gather up the courage to say I don't like something or something isn't working for me.

00:18:50.415 --> 00:19:01.491
And if they're not telling you, they're probably telling somebody else and I've seen it this generation.

00:19:01.491 --> 00:19:09.568
There are a lot of different ways to make money and they have found them, so they are not tied.

00:19:09.588 --> 00:19:11.420
They're not playing with us, I'm telling you.

00:19:11.420 --> 00:19:12.605
They're not playing with us.

00:19:13.279 --> 00:19:17.884
They're not tied to your job.

00:19:17.884 --> 00:19:31.297
If the emotional and empathetic kind of muscle is not worked on in the organization, in the company, they only On to the next.

00:19:31.297 --> 00:19:33.664
And I don't blame them.

00:19:33.664 --> 00:19:35.590
I understand that, right, I get that.

00:19:35.590 --> 00:19:46.442
And so it's really up to us to work that organizational muscle which is a very different way of of of approaching, I think, leadership in the, in our generation.

00:19:46.463 --> 00:19:56.901
That hasn't been the story, and so like action, action, action, listen to people and take the action, and I think that's that's been something that I've had to unlearn.

00:19:58.704 --> 00:20:04.275
Yeah, I think workplace culture has become like such a like huge thing.

00:20:04.275 --> 00:20:33.105
Like you know, like oh god, like if they don't feel, like you know how, like it used to be, like they had those memes where it was like if somebody, if you're on a job interview and they say we're like a family, like it was like run, like nah, like number one, like you have to this generation, you have to be able to create a culture that establishes a high level of familiarity but also has a lot of boundaries, like they want their privacy, they want their time.

00:20:33.105 --> 00:20:45.368
Don't add you and you don't need to know all my business, but make me feel comfortable while I'm here, you know, make me feel good while I'm here and maybe I'll have a one-on-one something with you, but I don't need it with everybody, you know.

00:20:45.368 --> 00:20:50.145
And so, like, you have to be able to establish that culture yeah, no, that's good I've.

00:20:50.266 --> 00:20:54.538
I heard it say um, don't, don't describe your organization as a family.

00:20:54.538 --> 00:20:55.923
You're a team, not a family.

00:20:55.923 --> 00:21:01.703
It's two very different things listen oh, you're not a family, uh, because you're just not.

00:21:01.703 --> 00:21:06.348
Anyway, we can talk about that another time, all right, so, so, all right.

00:21:06.348 --> 00:21:07.352
What's the next thing, queda?

00:21:07.920 --> 00:21:08.401
All right.

00:21:08.401 --> 00:21:14.859
So we I'm really excited to talk about this one Managers versus leaders, right?

00:21:14.859 --> 00:21:33.951
And I think that a lot of times, when we think about our leadership style and the way that we approach even just being a leader like, you have to recognize that when you are leading, especially when you are leading a group of people, you have to differentiate between am I moving along a process or am I moving along people?

00:21:33.951 --> 00:21:39.163
Right, so, managers move processes, they move systems, they move.

00:21:39.163 --> 00:21:42.569
You know purpose and the way things are operating.

00:21:42.569 --> 00:22:00.786
Right, leaders move people right, and you have to be able in most cases you have to be able to kind of vacillate between that right, like, am I in management mode where there's a process, there's a strategic move that we're trying to facilitate and so I'm managing that process?

00:22:00.786 --> 00:22:07.675
Right, but it is my job when I'm in front of a team to be able to lead a team.

00:22:08.099 --> 00:22:14.772
And when we talk about the word people, there is no one characteristic that fits people.

00:22:14.772 --> 00:22:18.669
Right, I have a team of about it's a total of five of us.

00:22:18.669 --> 00:22:23.310
Right, I have to be able to cater to each person on the team, including myself.

00:22:23.310 --> 00:22:32.288
Right, I have to know, as a leader, I have to know how to lead myself in order to be able to lead my team right, and so there are just so many scenarios.

00:22:32.288 --> 00:22:41.568
I got a couple in mind, but, ruth Abigail, I'm going to let you pop us off, like what are, some examples of times where you had to work as a manager or work as a leader.

00:22:42.230 --> 00:22:50.949
I'll say right off top I hate managing, I don't like it, I hate it, and so, to be quite frank, I don't do it well.

00:22:50.949 --> 00:22:52.946
I absolutely do not do it well.

00:22:52.946 --> 00:23:00.710
That has been, I think, one of my downfalls, and one of the things I have definitely had to unlearn is like, as a leader, you can't opt out of managing.

00:23:00.710 --> 00:23:08.369
What has helped me, though, is what you said is understanding that you have to manage systems and processes.

00:23:08.430 --> 00:23:15.143
I think the thing that bothered me about managing is I never wanted anyone to feel like they were being controlled, and I don't want to feel like I'm being controlled.

00:23:15.143 --> 00:23:20.892
I want to be trusted, and so I always wanted to to.

00:23:20.892 --> 00:23:26.530
Um, I and I still do I want to uh have that culture of trust within our team.

00:23:26.530 --> 00:24:06.719
However, however, uh, that doesn't come without trust, does not come without accountability, and systems help you keep things accountable, not just for sure, but but goals and um and, and you know all those things like you gotta, you gotta, you're going somewhere, and so we have to use these systems and processes and manage those in order to feed people, in order for people to feel successful, and then the leading people, I think, is how am I responding to how people are using those systems and processes?

00:24:06.798 --> 00:24:10.308
and what it's doing to them that I lean much more into.

00:24:10.308 --> 00:24:14.221
I'm going to lean more into the people part than the process part.

00:24:14.541 --> 00:24:29.020
I'm learning that the process part is essential for the people part, because it helps them to see how they're moving better than I can say oh, you're doing a good job, and I think I've, I've, I've had to unlearn that and I'm continuing to unlearn it.

00:24:29.020 --> 00:24:37.734
Um, I, I am, uh, I think, shoot, I'm there, I've been there.

00:24:37.734 --> 00:24:39.604
I mean, we're we're a startup organization.

00:24:39.604 --> 00:24:45.670
So processes I think we talked about this on another episode we are very, very different stages.

00:24:45.670 --> 00:24:56.570
We work in very different stages of organizations and I've always worked in startup kind of I've spent 15 years being a part of founding teams of something.

00:24:56.779 --> 00:24:58.099
Lord, that's a middle of the door.

00:24:58.099 --> 00:25:01.249
I've been in this work for 15 years.

00:25:01.390 --> 00:25:13.115
All right, I have to say it like that because oftentimes I forget that and I forget how much that kind of that experience has ingrained my expectation of workplace.

00:25:13.115 --> 00:25:21.269
I don't come into a workplace expecting to have all this structure I've expected to build it or to work without it.

00:25:21.940 --> 00:25:26.567
Like that's my, that's how I've I've been formed, so I have to.

00:25:26.567 --> 00:25:38.868
I had to quickly unlearn that most people that you're going to hire at at, at at another stage, at like your second stage of growth in an organization, are going to be people who have experienced different work environments.

00:25:38.868 --> 00:25:43.926
They're not going to be the people that founded it, which you was going to be people coming from places that they have more structure.

00:25:43.926 --> 00:25:48.901
So, for us, creating those processes has been a creation.

00:25:48.901 --> 00:25:50.765
It hasn't been evolving.

00:25:50.765 --> 00:25:58.765
We have to build it, and it's been a struggle to figure out what you need when you need it.

00:25:58.944 --> 00:26:17.718
Often you learn by some crisis happening and you have to, you know, figure it out, and from that crisis comes a process that's built so we can handle the crisis right, or issue you know everything's on a crisis, but or just confusion, right, there's.

00:26:17.718 --> 00:26:51.527
All these moments require you to put something in place, and so I remember we were trying to figure out we get all these requests for performances right, and we've been doing it for years, and so for a lot of years, for a lot of years, we when I say we myself and then the other two founder, the founding team would just make decisions based on what we understood to be the need, or who we knew or whatever.

00:26:51.527 --> 00:26:52.432
We would kind of make decisions.

00:26:52.432 --> 00:27:09.267
Well, we start to bring other people into that mix and we had to start to focus in on other areas of the organization and had to then give them some uh some authority or some autonomy over choosing and we had to.

00:27:09.366 --> 00:27:16.970
Quickly, we realized, because there were there were moments where it's like they would maybe turn down something and we were like, wait, hold on.

00:27:16.970 --> 00:27:27.854
But we know them, we can't turn it down, like we got to do this and they'd be like, well, you told us that we had the option to do it Right, and we're like, yeah, but not this one.

00:27:27.854 --> 00:27:30.182
And that can't happen over and over.

00:27:30.182 --> 00:27:33.290
You can't be coming in vetoing folk that you give authority to Right.

00:27:33.900 --> 00:27:34.140
Yeah.

00:27:34.661 --> 00:27:35.162
That don't work.

00:27:35.162 --> 00:27:46.155
So we found we said, okay, we need to create a process by how we uh, how we take, take performances, what are the most important things that need to happen?

00:27:46.155 --> 00:27:58.724
So we sat down as a team and created a list and say, if it checks three out of five of these boxes or whatever it is four out of five of these boxes, then we can say yes, and if it's less than that, then we can't do it.

00:27:58.724 --> 00:28:01.615
And as founders we had to be okay with that.

00:28:01.615 --> 00:28:14.126
We had to be okay with not having the final say in that and giving somebody else the authority, and also the team had to be okay with the idea of, like, going through this process.

00:28:15.229 --> 00:28:17.932
And so there there is that.

00:28:17.932 --> 00:28:18.814
That helped.

00:28:18.814 --> 00:28:19.580
It helped.

00:28:19.580 --> 00:28:30.747
It wasn't perfect, Cause, again, when you're used to doing things and moving quickly like that, processes slow you down Can feel like they slow you down, which I hate, but you got to get used to it.

00:28:30.747 --> 00:28:34.767
So, yeah, I think that's a like for us.

00:28:34.767 --> 00:28:42.119
That's just one example of how we've had to shift that culture, and so that's what we did and it's worked.

00:28:42.119 --> 00:28:42.982
I mean it's worked.

00:28:42.982 --> 00:28:44.347
It's much better than it was before.

00:28:45.299 --> 00:29:06.616
No, I think that that's really, really key, because the example that I was thinking of when I think about managers versus leaders is there is nothing worse than, as a team member, being managed Like when someone makes you feel like.

00:29:06.616 --> 00:29:29.744
So I give you this example Currently, my, my role, my job we've had a lot of transition, like a lot, and so in the interim we've had a multitude of directors, and it is hard when you don't have the time to really, you know, really delve into a leadership role, to really like give it your all.

00:29:29.744 --> 00:29:40.032
And so our leaders have been way more management oriented and so it's been very task oriented versus like vision oriented.

00:29:40.032 --> 00:29:46.003
And so like the task oriented is like hey, we need to get X, y and Z done.

00:29:46.003 --> 00:29:46.986
How are you doing this?

00:29:46.986 --> 00:29:47.748
What are you doing?

00:29:47.748 --> 00:29:49.352
How are we going to da, da, da, da da.

00:29:49.352 --> 00:29:58.967
And I was like wait a minute, this is not how I work, right, and it was really beginning to wear me down, because I am not a task oriented person.

00:29:58.967 --> 00:30:19.705
I'm very much a visionary person and I'm also very much a give it to me and let me run, and then, if I need you, I'll let you know, and that's kind of how I lead my team, it's like I have empowered and supplied you with what you need to be successful and I'm willing to step in and do the work alongside you.

00:30:19.705 --> 00:30:24.983
But you've been empowered to lead your own processes and to dream for your area.

00:30:25.385 --> 00:30:49.549
And I think a lot of times when we start managing people, when we start taking away that autonomy and that ability to contribute to the organization, we also quell and quiet the parts of them that could make our organizations better, like we prevent them from dreaming and becoming their own visionaries for their roles because we start micromanaging.

00:30:49.549 --> 00:31:00.207
You can easily slip into micromanaging when you see people as tasks or as things that need to be managed, like, oh you know, she don't know what to do.

00:31:00.207 --> 00:31:01.645
I got to go over there and manage her.

00:31:01.645 --> 00:31:05.548
No, but when you are a leader of people, you become a developer.

00:31:05.548 --> 00:31:29.172
You say, okay, in order for them and that's what you guys did in order for them to be good at doing this thing that we want to delegate to them, we need to continue to develop them so that they know how to make these decisions, develop them so that they know how to make these decisions Right, and so sometimes that looks like creating a new strategy.

00:31:29.172 --> 00:31:39.803
Sometimes that looks like hey, you know, we're low as an organization, we're low on the skill set, or they don't have the same perspective that we have about something, so we need to change their perspective.

00:31:39.803 --> 00:31:41.644
But they're more than capable.

00:31:42.046 --> 00:31:49.236
When you see the people as you lead as being capable, then you will always work to empower them to do work.

00:31:49.236 --> 00:32:01.650
When you see the people you lead as being needy or as being projects like when you make them a project instead of because you're supposed to manage projects.

00:32:01.650 --> 00:32:12.644
But when you make people into a project, then you start treating them like you know, like hey, here's the one, two, three list of what you, of what you can do, and then I'll handle the rest Right.

00:32:12.644 --> 00:32:15.751
And then your presence becomes a hindrance.

00:32:15.751 --> 00:32:16.340
That's right.

00:32:16.340 --> 00:32:32.463
When you manage people, when you show up, you make them feel like, okay, they don't really think I'm capable, so now they coming up and they snooping versus if you are a developer of people and if they feel empowered to do what you've assigned them to do.

00:32:32.845 --> 00:32:38.682
When you show up, they pull you into their vision and as a leader, I can't.

00:32:38.682 --> 00:32:40.286
I'm like that's where.

00:32:40.286 --> 00:32:50.883
That's like the sweet spot is when my team comes and says Jaquita, this is the vision that I have for how I'm going to lead this part of my organization, you know.

00:32:50.883 --> 00:32:58.023
And then all they're asking me is from your view, from your perspective, what do I need to be mindful of?

00:32:58.023 --> 00:32:59.346
What do I need to change?

00:32:59.346 --> 00:33:00.689
What do I need to shift?

00:33:00.689 --> 00:33:02.593
How can I make my vision bigger?

00:33:02.593 --> 00:33:03.921
And that's what we need.

00:33:03.921 --> 00:33:06.426
That's what we need to get to as leaders.

00:33:06.426 --> 00:33:14.269
I am developing you to carry your own vision, and then it becomes my job to help you enlarge your vision.

00:33:14.269 --> 00:33:16.961
But my vision includes the whole team.

00:33:16.961 --> 00:33:19.887
I need you to handle yours and I got you.

00:33:19.887 --> 00:33:30.071
And so, like when we become the push instead of the pull, when we are pushing people from behind, you got it, go for it, push, push, push Instead of pulling them towards.

00:33:30.071 --> 00:33:32.546
Hey, this is the way I see things need to be done.

00:33:32.546 --> 00:33:34.191
I'm going to pull you to where I'm at.

00:33:35.500 --> 00:33:44.188
That's how we lose these young leaders, because we treat them like they don't know anything and that they're not capable and they're going to go somewhere where they feel valued.

00:33:44.188 --> 00:33:52.373
People do not feel valued when you do not leave room for their input and for them to be able to contribute to the organization.

00:33:52.373 --> 00:33:53.942
They don't feel valued.

00:33:53.942 --> 00:34:05.972
And I think sometimes what's worse is when what you are contributing gets misconstrued, like because other people may not understand your leadership style.

00:34:05.972 --> 00:34:10.331
But if you are a leader that is developing people, then you are doing what you're supposed to do.

00:34:10.331 --> 00:34:21.233
If the people you're leading feel like they are getting what they what they're supposed to get, that's the that's the first grade you should consider when considering if you're a good leader.

00:34:21.233 --> 00:34:25.570
What do the people who follow you, what do they say and take their?

00:34:25.570 --> 00:34:32.268
And that those are the first points that I believe you should take seriously, because they're the most impacted.

00:34:32.708 --> 00:34:34.661
They are and they're going to, they're going to know.

00:34:34.661 --> 00:34:38.393
I think that is again.

00:34:38.393 --> 00:34:43.067
I just I think this combination of development and process are so crucial.

00:34:44.010 --> 00:35:07.273
You, you can't properly develop somebody without a process, so even your development needs a process so that you have a direction that people can expect to go when it comes to their own growth, and I think and that that is, I think that's the work of people who are leading other people is to not just develop a process for the thing, for the task, but develop a process for your team.

00:35:07.273 --> 00:35:09.648
Like personally, this is what I expect.

00:35:09.648 --> 00:35:20.489
You started here, I expect you to grow here, and it takes time, and I think that is a difficult thing in this culture is that we expect everything to.

00:35:20.489 --> 00:35:21.250
I mean, we really.

00:35:21.250 --> 00:35:24.355
You know, they call us the microwave culture, which is true.

00:35:24.355 --> 00:35:27.327
You know, this is the TikTok culture.

00:35:27.387 --> 00:35:31.610
We like it best Right, like I mean, which is way faster than a microwave.

00:35:31.610 --> 00:35:35.563
You know, the TikTok world is it's 15 to 30 seconds.

00:35:35.603 --> 00:35:45.855
Listen, they wouldn't have made it through MySpace when we was actually on there like coding and like yeah, you know, like, hold on, I need to find the song and get it into the algorithm.

00:35:45.855 --> 00:35:48.764
No, for real, like it's just it's so, it's it's.

00:35:49.206 --> 00:35:51.371
We thought the way we move was fast.

00:35:51.371 --> 00:35:57.048
Their movement is so fast and they've grown up in a, in a, in a what they call a digital.

00:35:57.048 --> 00:35:58.311
They're digital natives.

00:35:58.311 --> 00:35:59.844
This is, they don't know anything else.

00:35:59.844 --> 00:36:07.244
And so I we have to take that into consideration that we have a much.

00:36:07.244 --> 00:36:15.023
We have this the the young leaders coming up to learn faster than any generation we've ever had.

00:36:15.402 --> 00:36:23.996
Therefore, you have to be prepared faster to nurture that, nurture their the learning.

00:36:23.996 --> 00:36:26.561
They're going to be ready to do more faster than other people.

00:36:26.561 --> 00:36:32.684
They're going to be ready to lead more faster than you were, because they have a different knowledge expansion.

00:36:33.186 --> 00:36:34.971
Yeah, they have a different access.

00:36:34.971 --> 00:36:45.023
I think the thing you have to remember is is that they have a lot of information but not a lot of understanding, have a lot of information but not a lot of understanding.

00:36:45.023 --> 00:36:47.568
And what you, as a leader, should be able to provide is perspective and insight.

00:36:47.568 --> 00:36:49.413
Right, because they're coming at you.

00:36:49.413 --> 00:36:52.847
You know, everyone I lead has at least a master's degree.

00:36:52.847 --> 00:36:54.911
Are they working on getting their master's?

00:36:54.911 --> 00:36:55.501
Are they?

00:36:55.501 --> 00:36:58.507
Are they real educated or real experienced Like I?

00:36:58.507 --> 00:37:05.331
Everybody I have, like they, they they come in with something right, but what makes me the leader is my perspective.

00:37:05.331 --> 00:37:14.514
What qualifies me as a leader is my ability to take what they know and to give them what they need to take it to the next level.

00:37:14.514 --> 00:37:17.106
Right, and so you can't be intimidated.

00:37:17.487 --> 00:37:18.952
One of my leaders has an MBA.

00:37:18.952 --> 00:37:20.824
You know he roll around.

00:37:20.824 --> 00:37:26.568
He's like, hey, we're going to start doing stoplight scenarios and I got some systems and I want to do this.

00:37:26.568 --> 00:37:29.501
You know he has like 10 million ways that he works.

00:37:29.501 --> 00:37:36.422
Right, I can't quench that in him, but I should be able to continue to give him insight about.

00:37:36.422 --> 00:37:37.925
Okay, you have a lot of tools.

00:37:37.925 --> 00:37:41.293
Here's how you use them to get a better result.

00:37:41.293 --> 00:37:53.023
Right, you have to be able to take what they have, and that means you, as a leader, cannot be slack about researching and getting up to par with the same knowledge that they have.

00:37:53.023 --> 00:37:55.809
On my team, I have a master of divinity.

00:37:55.809 --> 00:37:58.481
I didn't get a master's in student affairs.

00:37:58.481 --> 00:38:01.309
I didn't, I didn't, I didn't learn none of that, Right.

00:38:01.309 --> 00:38:08.603
But I have to make sure that I'm staying up to par with what the rest of my team knows so that I can continue to give them perspective.

00:38:08.603 --> 00:38:11.452
Man, that's good, that's leader.

00:38:11.452 --> 00:38:14.181
Talk Now, if you managing, you not worried about none of that?

00:38:14.362 --> 00:38:15.565
There you go and thank you.

00:38:15.565 --> 00:38:16.847
That's, that's the difference.

00:38:16.847 --> 00:38:18.092
That's the difference.

00:38:18.092 --> 00:38:25.403
You, that is the difference, and I and and I think we have most people.

00:38:25.403 --> 00:38:26.025
I forgot what the statistic is.

00:38:26.025 --> 00:38:29.193
Most people who leave an organization leave because of their direct manager.

00:38:29.193 --> 00:38:35.409
Most I mean in the high eighties, like it's.

00:38:35.409 --> 00:38:36.210
It's staggering.

00:38:36.731 --> 00:38:37.193
My Lord.

00:38:37.659 --> 00:38:42.552
And, and it just speaks to the importance of understand even that language.

00:38:42.552 --> 00:38:44.326
Right, A manager, which is fine.

00:38:44.326 --> 00:38:51.001
But again, you have to understand as a manager, if that is even in your title, which it is in so many.

00:38:51.001 --> 00:38:55.487
You are managing a system, you are managing a process.

00:38:55.487 --> 00:38:57.045
You are managing a human.

00:38:57.045 --> 00:38:58.400
So what do you?

00:38:58.400 --> 00:39:07.391
82%, 82%, I found it 82% of people leave as a result of a direct person that they have to report to.

00:39:07.391 --> 00:39:07.833
They're directly-.

00:39:07.873 --> 00:39:08.032
My.

00:39:08.072 --> 00:39:09.614
Lord So-.

00:39:09.876 --> 00:39:10.356
That's real.

00:39:10.681 --> 00:39:47.364
Your relationship with that individual is crucial and if you on both sides of that, if you're the one doing the leading or if you're the one that's being led in that way, if people who are in in have a level of management responsibility, I think if we can get this, if we can separate that out and put my energy into managing systems and processes, which part of it, again, is making sure that they're there, making sure that they are clear, making sure that it's communicated, well then you have very little to do but pay attention to people.

00:39:47.364 --> 00:39:48.206
That is your job.

00:39:51.032 --> 00:39:51.693
That's your job.

00:39:51.693 --> 00:39:52.815
Amen.

00:39:52.815 --> 00:39:53.878
Somebody, amen.

00:39:53.878 --> 00:40:01.684
I feel like I've been trying to get people to understand that I honestly think the thing that makes you a good manager is your operational or institutional knowledge.

00:40:01.684 --> 00:40:04.476
The thing that makes you a good manager is your operational or institutional knowledge.

00:40:04.476 --> 00:40:19.061
The thing that makes you a good leader is your self-awareness and your ability to communicate and your ability to develop people Right, but you cannot lead somebody past the point that you've led yourself.

00:40:19.262 --> 00:40:19.443
No.

00:40:19.764 --> 00:40:24.786
So if you are not investing in your own development, then you don't know what.

00:40:24.786 --> 00:40:41.967
When you sit in front of a team member and you're trying to help them to grow or to move past something or to shape like the way that they are growing in their leadership, if you are not actively doing that work in yourself, it's going to be real difficult to do that work for someone else.

00:40:41.967 --> 00:40:43.922
I used to work.

00:40:43.922 --> 00:40:52.349
I had an afterschool program for third through fifth graders and I had like a couple of different teachers and I had one teacher she just could every.

00:40:52.349 --> 00:40:53.960
You know we was in.

00:40:53.960 --> 00:40:55.985
You know we was at Title I school.

00:40:55.985 --> 00:40:56.586
Amen.

00:40:56.708 --> 00:40:57.389
He was in the hood.

00:40:57.409 --> 00:41:00.163
Don't say it, queenie, he was in the hood he was at a Title I school.

00:41:00.163 --> 00:41:01.605
All right, with beautiful children.

00:41:01.605 --> 00:41:02.286
I love those kids.

00:41:02.286 --> 00:41:05.992
Those kids were hilarious, but those kids, like you, had to be able to take a joke.

00:41:05.992 --> 00:41:09.429
You had to be able to take a joke and you had to be able to return that joke.

00:41:09.429 --> 00:41:14.862
You get what I'm saying Like I remember one day they'd be like Ooh, ms Ross, what's wrong with your hair?

00:41:15.202 --> 00:41:19.007
Hey, bro, your shoes is untied, worry about that and get down the hall.

00:41:19.007 --> 00:41:21.190
You know, like you had to be able to take that.

00:41:21.190 --> 00:41:23.793
But I had teachers who could not take it.

00:41:23.793 --> 00:41:29.186
They was like they're disrespectful, they're this, they're that, and and I just don't know why they say these things to me.

00:41:29.186 --> 00:41:33.503
And I was like the real problem is not what these kids are doing, because they're kids.

00:41:33.503 --> 00:41:37.400
The real problem is is what work have you done on you?

00:41:37.400 --> 00:41:41.108
Let me stop pointing in the camera, trying to be respectful.

00:41:41.469 --> 00:42:08.552
What work are you doing on you, so that you can recognize that these are words coming from a child who's probably been through more than you've been through, who's probably experienced some things that you don't know about, but you're so worried about your needs that you can't attend to their needs and as a leader, you have to be responsible for taking care of your needs at the house, baby, I don't get to come to work and unload my needs on the people I'm leading.

00:42:09.021 --> 00:42:18.945
I don't get to be like, well, you know, my boyfriend broke up with me, I ain't got a boyfriend, but you know I don't get to go in there and be like, well, you know, I mean the bills ain't billing.

00:42:18.945 --> 00:42:26.847
You know the money ain't the needs, ain't meeting the ends, not meeting my Lord, right, I don't get to unload on them.

00:42:26.847 --> 00:42:31.532
I come in and I come in and I say you know what?

00:42:31.532 --> 00:42:41.686
This space is yours, right, all one-on-one time, anytime that I have dedicated to developing you, right, this space is yours.

00:42:41.686 --> 00:42:43.014
This is your space.

00:42:43.014 --> 00:42:55.813
This is your space, this is your time, and my mind is focused on what can I do, what can I share, what can I pull from my well in order to provide something for you that you need, right?

00:42:55.813 --> 00:43:17.929
And so leadership is a very unselfish place, and if you go in there thinking about what you need and you know ain't nobody leading me, baby, you better go read a book, listen to a podcast, amen, find you some resources and get what you need to be a better leader.

00:43:22.400 --> 00:43:24.626
Get what you need, baby Get what you need, baby, get what you need.

00:43:24.626 --> 00:43:25.186
That's good.

00:43:25.186 --> 00:43:37.094
So we're gonna move on to the next point here, because, uh, I think this is these are things that what we've been talking about so far.

00:43:37.094 --> 00:43:42.952
Really, uh, you, you gotta have, I think, these three things to really effectively do it.

00:43:43.512 --> 00:43:43.994
Talk about it.

00:43:45.264 --> 00:43:47.184
And so I'm going to share them.

00:43:47.184 --> 00:43:48.327
And, queenie, you tell me what you think.

00:43:48.327 --> 00:43:53.831
Okay, right, so we'll call it the three C's.

00:43:53.831 --> 00:43:55.786
Okay, that's what we're going to do.

00:43:56.400 --> 00:43:56.943
That's handy.

00:43:57.284 --> 00:43:57.525
Uh-huh.

00:43:57.525 --> 00:44:12.403
So, in order to really effectively do this kind of stuff, really understand the difference between management and leadership and prepare yourself for that, really taking action, the way things you know, you, the action part of things how do you, what do you need?

00:44:12.403 --> 00:44:15.266
In order to do that, the first thing you need to do is be able to connect.

00:44:15.266 --> 00:44:19.539
Ok, as a leader, you have to connect, you have to build and nurture relationships.

00:44:19.539 --> 00:44:22.289
That is with your team, that is with people who you your co-le relationships.

00:44:22.289 --> 00:44:25.847
That is with your team, that is with people who you your co-leaders, that is, with people outside of your organization.

00:44:26.159 --> 00:44:29.990
You have to be able to connect human to human, have connection.

00:44:29.990 --> 00:44:43.106
Because, without connection, you're not going to listen well, you're not going to have empathy, you're not going to be able to take action when it's time to take action, because you're not going to be able to lead unselfishly without connection.

00:44:43.106 --> 00:44:44.548
You have to have connection, okay.

00:44:44.548 --> 00:44:47.822
The second thing, I think, is you have to learn how to communicate.

00:44:48.364 --> 00:44:50.369
My Lord, you got to talk.

00:44:50.628 --> 00:44:52.293
That is one of the hardest things, I mean.

00:44:52.293 --> 00:44:56.829
People talk all day without communicating.

00:44:57.550 --> 00:44:57.992
My.

00:44:58.092 --> 00:45:01.360
Lord, people talk all day without communicating.

00:45:01.360 --> 00:45:03.809
I have been one of those people.

00:45:04.521 --> 00:45:05.443
I am one of those people.

00:45:06.925 --> 00:45:08.429
Because communication is two ways.

00:45:08.429 --> 00:45:10.193
It's a two-way street.

00:45:10.193 --> 00:45:12.844
You have, you have the person who's talking, the person who's listening.

00:45:12.844 --> 00:45:20.472
If it's not if, if and if you are not adept at playing both roles, you're not a good communicator.

00:45:22.282 --> 00:45:23.164
Ooh, I got so much.

00:45:23.164 --> 00:45:23.726
I got so much.

00:45:23.726 --> 00:45:24.650
Okay, go ahead, go ahead.

00:45:25.001 --> 00:45:25.965
Why do you need to communicate?

00:45:25.965 --> 00:45:28.543
Well, because people cannot work confused.

00:45:28.543 --> 00:45:29.443
They need clarity.

00:45:29.443 --> 00:45:34.012
Third thing you have to be creative.

00:45:34.012 --> 00:45:35.695
You have to be creative.

00:45:35.695 --> 00:45:39.788
Nothing stays the same in our world and it don't.

00:45:39.788 --> 00:45:48.041
It's not going to be the same and it ain't you have to learn how to move with change, and part of moving with change is being creative.

00:45:48.101 --> 00:45:57.659
You know, I'm saying for those of you who are listening and not watching you missed our little bounce.

00:45:57.659 --> 00:46:00.393
All right, it's the creative bounce we're bouncing.

00:46:00.432 --> 00:46:02.831
Yeah, we're bouncing because you gotta you gotta be able to flow.

00:46:02.831 --> 00:46:16.628
You know you gotta be able to go, yeah, and you can't always like you can't always control that flow, so you gotta be creative, I'm sorry, creative, wait, isn't there something that they were like?

00:46:16.668 --> 00:46:26.391
you can always tell when a millennial is dancing because we start with a clap like oh, like, yeah, we just oh man oh man, it is what it is.

00:46:27.005 --> 00:46:28.411
Say what you want, we still look.

00:46:28.411 --> 00:46:30.791
Whatever, you wouldn't be where you are without us, Anyway.

00:46:30.791 --> 00:46:37.135
So so, yeah, so those three things right.

00:46:37.135 --> 00:46:38.298
Connect.

00:46:38.298 --> 00:46:40.105
Thank you, Jaculia Connect.

00:46:40.164 --> 00:46:40.565
You're welcome.

00:46:41.768 --> 00:46:43.373
Communicate and create.

00:46:44.777 --> 00:46:45.739
Yo can I skip.

00:46:45.739 --> 00:46:55.318
I just need to skip to communicate real quick, okay, because it is touching my soul and it's probably something that I honestly have to work on.

00:46:55.318 --> 00:47:24.692
Actually, ruth Abigail, just last night, just last night, just last night, me and Ruth Abigail were talking and like, if anybody knows, like Myers-Briggs personality type or Enneagram or anything that dictates like a personality, like style, me and Ruth are on opposite sides of the spectrum, like we are completely different.

00:47:24.692 --> 00:47:29.831
I'm an ENFP, she's an ISTJ, I think I'm an Enneagram 7.

00:47:29.831 --> 00:47:30.675
You're a 3.

00:47:30.675 --> 00:47:35.414
Like we are like, just like, completely different on all accounts.

00:47:35.414 --> 00:47:48.376
And so we were having a conversation last night and I was like trying to express myself and not doing it very well, and Ruth Abigail was responding to what I was saying.

00:47:48.376 --> 00:47:53.978
But I realized that and I was getting frustrated because I was like, why is she not hearing me?

00:47:53.978 --> 00:47:59.494
And I realized that she was hearing what I was saying but I had not yet communicated what I meant.

00:47:59.494 --> 00:48:03.092
And a lot of times I know that was that.

00:48:03.092 --> 00:48:04.820
That rolled off real smooth, didn't it?

00:48:04.820 --> 00:48:06.766
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Thank you, right.

00:48:06.766 --> 00:48:10.438
And a lot of times we're talking but we haven't.

00:48:10.518 --> 00:48:27.394
Even I, one thing about my personality style is I'm an extroverted thinker, so I'm literally processing as I'm talking, right, and so if I don't give, if I don't do my pre-work and process before I talk with somebody, they are literally getting, like you know, raw thoughts.

00:48:27.394 --> 00:48:32.148
These are not cooked thoughts, they haven't been in an oven, I didn't put them in a microwave, nothing.

00:48:32.148 --> 00:48:38.945
I just it's like a carrot straight out the ground, like here, right, and.

00:48:38.945 --> 00:48:43.052
But when they respond to my thought and not my process, I get frustrated because I'm like that's not what I meant.

00:48:43.052 --> 00:48:48.871
I need to get to the point where I understand what I'm really trying to say.

00:48:48.871 --> 00:49:05.737
And so we were back and forth, back and forth last night and finally it was when I sobered myself and was able to communicate and say here's my real concern and here's what I'm really trying to say, and communicate.

00:49:05.864 --> 00:49:10.092
And from there it was golden, like it was like okay, wait, I get it.

00:49:10.092 --> 00:49:21.201
And I realized that she was responding to my feelings but I wasn't expressing my truer concerns.

00:49:21.201 --> 00:49:26.918
And so a lot of times we don't really give space for real communication.

00:49:26.918 --> 00:49:32.793
We're just like yeah, I heard what you said and I got something to say to that, and it's like, yeah, but did you get to what they meant.

00:49:32.793 --> 00:49:39.079
Are you able to read into people's real intentions and concerns?

00:49:39.079 --> 00:49:43.396
Because you cannot be a good leader just listening to what people say.

00:49:43.396 --> 00:49:45.793
You have to be able to read hearts.

00:49:45.793 --> 00:49:52.215
You got to be able to anticipate and that's where that relationship, that connection piece comes in.

00:49:52.215 --> 00:49:55.336
You got to know your people.

00:49:55.376 --> 00:49:56.340
Yeah, your people right.

00:49:56.422 --> 00:49:59.269
Like every single one of my team members is different.

00:49:59.269 --> 00:50:00.532
You gotta know them.

00:50:00.532 --> 00:50:03.666
You know last example and then I'm gonna pass the ball.

00:50:03.666 --> 00:50:09.509
Like I have one of my directors, you know, like he is not, like he doesn't tell me when stuff is wrong, right?

00:50:09.509 --> 00:50:10.833
He came in my office one day.

00:50:10.833 --> 00:50:11.894
He said hey, how you doing?

00:50:11.894 --> 00:50:13.418
I said, oh, I'm good, how are you?

00:50:13.418 --> 00:50:15.159
He's like, oh, okay, yeah, I'm good.

00:50:15.159 --> 00:50:17.000
And then he just stood there and I was like okay.

00:50:17.000 --> 00:50:20.101
Then, like 15 minutes later, he said, hey, how you doing?

00:50:20.101 --> 00:50:21.742
I said I'm good, how you doing?

00:50:21.742 --> 00:50:23.106
He's like yeah, I'm all right.

00:50:23.106 --> 00:50:25.487
Then, like an hour later, he's a hedge quitter.

00:50:25.487 --> 00:50:26.588
You, you doing, all right.

00:50:26.989 --> 00:50:50.541
And I finally't realize he literally asked me how I was doing five times that day and I didn't realize he was trying to clue me in to say, hey, I need you, right, but you got to know your people because they're not always going to communicate outright.

00:50:50.541 --> 00:50:57.538
But you got to be able to pick up on those idiosyncrasies so that you can, you can be able to identify needs as they arise.

00:50:57.538 --> 00:51:19.496
And it is incumbent upon the leader to be able to recognize nonverbal cues, to be able to recognize when your people have something to say to you and to be able to read them, because they're going to say it differently and communication is communication and that connection piece got me so sorry, I had to, I had to, I had to go in a little bit.

00:51:19.757 --> 00:51:20.278
That's good.

00:51:20.278 --> 00:51:31.010
So, uh, as you were talking, uh, number one, I'm realizing I have I actually have a teammate who is very much like you as an external processor and um you're welcome.

00:51:31.271 --> 00:51:34.155
And I, and, and she's, she's incredible.

00:51:34.155 --> 00:51:37.286
My whole team is just crazy good and so.

00:51:37.286 --> 00:51:44.097
But when we talk and I find myself, let me, let me pause.

00:51:44.097 --> 00:52:01.434
She is an external processor and sometimes there is tension with the way that you operate, because it's like I I'm'm not, I'm constantly in my head and by the time it comes out, at least it's as clear as I can make it.

00:52:02.295 --> 00:52:07.108
And then people responding and asking questions help to always get it to be more clear.

00:52:07.108 --> 00:52:14.715
And here's the other thing I think is important with learning how to communicate with external processes.

00:52:14.715 --> 00:52:18.889
If that's not, you is that, and I do this.

00:52:18.889 --> 00:52:21.235
I make the mistake of doing this.

00:52:21.235 --> 00:52:40.690
I made the mistake of doing this with you last night, quita, as I was talking and you said it responding to somebody's feelings with thoughts you can't do that you can't do that you don't respond to feelings with thoughts, because when people are communicating their feelings, they're not looking for your thoughts.

00:52:41.431 --> 00:52:56.418
They're looking for your presence, more than anything, to just be heard as far as how you're feeling, not your thoughts about their feelings.

00:52:56.418 --> 00:52:58.880
And I think we are.

00:52:58.880 --> 00:53:15.313
You know, I'm so, my thoughts are so loud, my feelings are much more quiet and I I, when I, when I speak, I'm speaking directly to somebody else's thought process.

00:53:15.313 --> 00:53:19.871
But if that hasn't, if that hasn't come yet, then sometimes I feel inadequate for the situation.

00:53:19.871 --> 00:53:21.835
It's like well, what else do you want me to do?

00:53:21.835 --> 00:53:25.251
I mean, you said this yesterday.

00:53:25.251 --> 00:53:26.733
You told me.

00:53:26.733 --> 00:53:30.146
You said you've gotten to a place that I haven't gotten yet.

00:53:31.288 --> 00:53:31.427
And.

00:53:31.867 --> 00:53:33.391
I was like okay, I get that.

00:53:33.391 --> 00:53:41.927
So my job is to understand that and to allow you to have a process of getting there.

00:53:41.927 --> 00:53:48.347
And so with your team, it's the same way when I have team members who are external processors.

00:53:48.347 --> 00:53:59.646
Don't assume that they don't know, don't assume that they're confused, don't assume that those things are happening, don't assume that they're not going to ever figure something out or that they have a lack of understanding.

00:53:59.646 --> 00:54:00.208
It's not.

00:54:00.208 --> 00:54:01.952
They're processing something.

00:54:01.952 --> 00:54:04.177
Wait until they get to that place.

00:54:04.177 --> 00:54:12.748
And I've experienced this with her, because it's like I'll say things and then she'll be like oh yeah, yeah, I totally understand that.

00:54:12.748 --> 00:54:17.157
And it's like in my mind sometimes I'm like well then, what was all that about?

00:54:17.157 --> 00:54:22.804
Cause I'm hearing something it's like it doesn't seem like you understand based on what you're saying.

00:54:22.804 --> 00:54:29.865
But that's not her thoughts, that's her feelings and feelings in feelings, have a feelings there's uncontrolled.

00:54:29.885 --> 00:54:31.068
They're not, we don't control.

00:54:31.068 --> 00:54:46.356
Uh, you know what I'm saying, and so I think that is just important Don't respond to a, to a feeling, with a thought when people are not in a place where where they're using the thinking side of their brain.

00:54:46.356 --> 00:54:49.143
You can't connect that way.

00:54:49.143 --> 00:54:50.146
It doesn't work yet.

00:54:51.009 --> 00:55:03.545
Well, yeah, and I think that, like you were communicating solutions whereas I was still trying to fully communicate the problem Correct, and that's why I was like you're ahead of me right now.

00:55:03.585 --> 00:55:03.867
Yeah.

00:55:04.027 --> 00:55:17.458
Like because for me, it was important that I express my feelings, it was important that I was able to say, hey, this is making me feel da, da, da, da da.

00:55:17.458 --> 00:55:29.858
But when you start spouting out solutions, I was like, okay, wait, you're invalidating my experience and it's making me feel like you're not really like I was.

00:55:29.858 --> 00:55:35.177
Like, don't make me feel like a silly little girl, like I understand everything you're saying.

00:55:35.177 --> 00:55:58.478
But and because you know me and Ruth, we have worked our friendship to the point where this it was an easy conversation to have, like you know, like it didn't feel like I was having to be super vulnerable, it was just, hey, I need to let her know how I'm feeling in this moment, because and what I also told her was I needed the challenges that she gave me.

00:55:58.478 --> 00:56:04.184
It was just the timing of it was hey, wait, let's get to it together.

00:56:04.565 --> 00:56:08.952
And communication is not a solo journey, like you're not doing it alone.

00:56:08.952 --> 00:56:24.114
So when you are communicating with your team members and you know more and see more and understand more than they do, and you start spouting off, well, you need to X, y, z, and do this, this, this and that, and you're not walking with them where they are.

00:56:24.114 --> 00:56:39.090
You have got to learn how to start from their viewpoint and help to expand their view, versus trying to give them the big picture straight off the top, because you don't want to invalidate where they are.

00:56:39.090 --> 00:56:47.802
You also don't want to assume that you have nothing to learn from what they would be able to communicate to you about what they see.

00:56:47.802 --> 00:56:49.666
That's good Right that you.

00:56:49.666 --> 00:56:55.057
I think, in every area that we lack humility, we risk falling.

00:56:55.318 --> 00:56:55.559
Yeah.

00:56:56.826 --> 00:56:57.889
In every area.

00:56:57.889 --> 00:56:59.773
I know right, pride comes before the fall.

00:56:59.773 --> 00:57:00.757
Y'all know it Right.

00:57:00.757 --> 00:57:04.635
In every area that you lack humility, you risk falling.

00:57:04.635 --> 00:57:24.918
Yeah Right, because if you come at your team with the hey, I know what we need to do and this is what we're going, and da, da, da, da, da, da, da da, and you don't open it up for them to be able to provide their own insights and their own experiences, then your perspective alone is not going to carry the organization.

00:57:24.918 --> 00:57:31.286
You need to be able to go on that journey with your people to help get them from point A to point B.

00:57:32.389 --> 00:57:35.396
So just final thoughts on these three things.

00:57:35.396 --> 00:57:43.034
So I just think they're just very key to leadership is that you're connecting right.

00:57:43.034 --> 00:57:44.411
Connection is an important thing.

00:57:44.411 --> 00:57:49.190
Understand that you're learning isn't just gonna come from books and podcasts, it's gonna come from people.

00:57:49.190 --> 00:57:53.431
So you gotta make new connections and you gotta nurture old ones.

00:57:53.431 --> 00:57:55.451
So that's important.

00:57:55.451 --> 00:57:56.791
Spend your time doing it.

00:57:56.791 --> 00:58:02.396
And then, on the communication piece, clarity is your friend.

00:58:02.396 --> 00:58:04.972
You want to be clear.

00:58:04.972 --> 00:58:10.356
Okay, if it doesn't make sense outside of your own head, you haven't gotten there yet.

00:58:10.356 --> 00:58:11.911
You have more work to do.

00:58:13.228 --> 00:58:17.710
So keep working it out right, make it make sense, because it's worth your time to do that.

00:58:17.710 --> 00:58:20.561
And then creativity is like.

00:58:20.561 --> 00:58:26.695
You have to treat your brain as an engine, and creativity is the fuel to that engine.

00:58:26.695 --> 00:58:33.994
So don't run out of gas, because change is coming and you've got to that.

00:58:33.994 --> 00:58:35.297
That muscle's got to be right.

00:58:35.297 --> 00:58:39.773
So don't don't ever let your brain stop being creative.

00:58:39.773 --> 00:58:44.416
You may not always use everything you think about, but at least write it down right.

00:58:44.416 --> 00:58:49.820
Write it down so that when it comes to the point where you need it, you have it and you're not searching for it.

00:58:50.101 --> 00:58:57.099
So I just wanted to kind of make sure that we really understood why that's those things are important.

00:58:57.099 --> 00:59:09.614
They're not the only important things, but they're super crucial and if you know, as you are preparing for leadership, or if you're new in your leadership, or if you've been there for a while, nurturing those three things are going to help.

00:59:10.416 --> 00:59:10.916
I love it.

00:59:10.916 --> 00:59:11.478
That was good.

00:59:11.478 --> 00:59:15.186
Rue, the three C's, the three C's, the three C's Love it.

00:59:15.186 --> 00:59:15.507
That was good.

00:59:15.507 --> 00:59:16.588
Rue, the three C's, the three C's, the three C's Love it.

00:59:16.588 --> 00:59:36.726
All right, we got one more point for you guys that we want to talk about and I am becoming an unwilling expert in this of leadership.

00:59:36.746 --> 00:59:45.228
Right One if you are a leader in any type of way, there are going to be times where you have to let go of a former whatever, a former idea, a former practice, a former way of being right.

00:59:45.228 --> 00:59:52.048
So leadership transitions is all about letting go, and it's also all about raising up as a leader.

00:59:52.048 --> 00:59:59.815
There are going to be times where you have to build, where you have to strengthen, where you have to create something that was not there before right.

00:59:59.815 --> 01:00:24.315
And so, as we are thinking about, I think one of the things that I've really had to unlearn in the midst of those leadership transitions is checking my own ego and my own connection to the past and my reliance on my past experiences, versus allowing the future to dictate how I operate in the present Right.

01:00:24.315 --> 01:00:25.579
Any thoughts on that?

01:00:25.844 --> 01:00:27.789
Hold on, say that you got to say that one more time.

01:00:27.789 --> 01:00:29.213
Okay, all right, all right.

01:00:29.233 --> 01:00:40.719
The thing that I've had to learn as a leader is to not just rely on my past, but to allow my future to determine how I operate in the present.

01:00:42.326 --> 01:00:43.692
That is really good.

01:00:43.692 --> 01:00:48.195
Let the future determine how you operate in the present.

01:00:48.195 --> 01:00:54.713
I will say this about leadership transition Ooh, and this has been a tough.

01:00:54.713 --> 01:00:55.800
This is I've.

01:00:55.800 --> 01:01:29.338
I've had to go through this, not at the level of some people, but I remember um someone who I'm close to saying this uh, about their, their leadership transition experience is they were coming behind a effective, successful founding leader and one of the things that he required in order for him to say yes to this position was that that leader understood where he was going next.

01:01:31.427 --> 01:01:32.068
That's perfect.

01:01:32.690 --> 01:01:42.016
That future is highly important when it comes to transitions, because if you are unclear about the future, you will not know how to operate today.

01:01:42.016 --> 01:01:43.528
And that is not.

01:01:43.528 --> 01:01:47.257
It's not just about the person coming in, it's about the person going out.

01:01:48.065 --> 01:01:48.184
Yeah.

01:01:48.565 --> 01:01:55.534
So you're, you're, you know, and this, this is difficult.

01:01:55.534 --> 01:01:59.456
Now, I'm not now, the person who did this was a very seasoned leader.

01:01:59.456 --> 01:02:17.869
I mean, I, I, you know they're up there, you know they're doing their thing You're talking about, you know, you're talking about somebody in their, you know, mid to late twenties, early thirties, who are going, who are kind of following effective leaders and going into these positions and going into these moments where you're having to take on these responsibilities.

01:02:17.869 --> 01:02:25.809
It's not as easy to make that as a requirement.

01:02:25.809 --> 01:02:28.222
Right, like you got to figure out what you're going to do next.

01:02:28.222 --> 01:02:35.998
Right, figure out what your next move is, and I need to know that before I sit here and and and do this.

01:02:35.998 --> 01:02:36.326
Right.

01:02:37.228 --> 01:02:55.135
But I would challenge people who are going into those situations You're especially following the founder or somebody who's at the very beginning of something that is a difficult thing to follow that you ensure, you make sure and even if that's you got to help them do it.

01:02:55.135 --> 01:02:57.880
Hey, what's your next move?

01:02:57.880 --> 01:02:59.067
What are you excited about?

01:02:59.067 --> 01:03:02.896
What are you looking forward to about your future?

01:03:02.896 --> 01:03:11.447
Because if they are focused on their future, they will not be overly concerned about where you are in the present, which is now their past.

01:03:12.690 --> 01:03:12.911
Yeah.

01:03:13.012 --> 01:03:13.592
That makes sense.

01:03:14.193 --> 01:03:32.503
Yeah, I think that for me, especially, like most all of the jobs that I got a job offer I ain't take all the ones I got to offer for, but all of the ones that I got a job offer is because I was able to go into the interview and tell them what their next move was as an organization.

01:03:32.503 --> 01:03:35.054
Yeah, I studied that organization.

01:03:35.054 --> 01:03:35.751
I studied the culture.

01:03:35.751 --> 01:03:36.605
I studied the culture.

01:03:36.605 --> 01:03:40.652
I studied what was happening, like do you have new leadership?

01:03:40.652 --> 01:03:41.286
Did something?

01:03:41.286 --> 01:03:46.478
What has shifted and changed for this organization within the last three to five years?

01:03:46.478 --> 01:03:49.474
What challenges are they currently facing?

01:03:49.474 --> 01:03:51.833
And it's easier to find than you think.

01:03:52.565 --> 01:03:53.951
Read some news articles.

01:03:53.951 --> 01:03:57.766
Okay, especially if they're a well-known organization, you know.

01:03:57.766 --> 01:03:59.409
Go look on their website.

01:03:59.409 --> 01:04:02.056
See if there's been any new leadership transitions.

01:04:02.056 --> 01:04:03.628
See if there's been any.

01:04:03.628 --> 01:04:08.565
Anybody that has come from somewhere different that's now in, you know.

01:04:08.565 --> 01:04:15.880
Go read the people, read, go look at the staff directory and see, okay, where did these people get educated at?

01:04:15.880 --> 01:04:17.728
When did they start working here?

01:04:17.728 --> 01:04:26.516
Right, unpack that and then start looking at the mission and the vision of that organization and see where they are according to who.

01:04:26.516 --> 01:04:30.768
They said that they are Right and I was able in those interviews.

01:04:30.768 --> 01:04:31.971
That's how I got my current job.

01:04:31.971 --> 01:04:35.835
I went in there and I said I see that y'all are here, right?

01:04:35.835 --> 01:04:45.291
I see that y'all just recently became an office that brought three teams together two years ago at the height of COVID, right?

01:04:45.291 --> 01:04:57.530
I know that where you're going to need to get to is this and this is the next step for this organization, not based on where you've been next step for this organization not based on where you've been, but based on where you have to go.

01:04:57.570 --> 01:05:02.980
And in order to be a good leader, you have to be able to communicate.

01:05:02.980 --> 01:05:03.746
There's that word again.

01:05:03.746 --> 01:05:09.777
You have to be able to communicate a vision of where we're going and point us in that direction.

01:05:09.777 --> 01:05:17.978
Leadership is a constant resettling of the people to point them back toward the promised land.

01:05:17.978 --> 01:05:19.371
That's what Moses did.

01:05:19.371 --> 01:05:22.293
Moses was like y'all know the red, come on.

01:05:22.293 --> 01:05:24.251
No, we got to go through here.

01:05:24.251 --> 01:05:26.413
I'm pointing y'all to the promised land.

01:05:26.413 --> 01:05:27.949
Oh Lord, we in the wilderness.

01:05:27.949 --> 01:05:28.873
They didn't got stuck again.

01:05:28.873 --> 01:05:33.077
Hey, pointing you back, pointing you back to the promised land.

01:05:33.077 --> 01:05:35.786
Excuse me, everybody, can I get your attention please?

01:05:35.786 --> 01:05:39.840
We're going this way, pointing you back to the promise right.

01:05:40.001 --> 01:05:47.038
And he had to constantly fight to keep their minds out of Egypt, like, please, stop thinking about where we came from.

01:05:47.038 --> 01:05:49.188
That's not who we are anymore.

01:05:49.188 --> 01:06:07.373
We're headed toward a promise and, as a leader, you are constantly fighting to get people to not get stuck in their experiences of their past, because, whichever way they decide to look, because we're all standing in the present right, everybody is present in the present.

01:06:07.373 --> 01:06:08.918
That's where we're standing at.

01:06:08.918 --> 01:06:14.112
But where you're looking at, where your team is looking at will determine where you go.

01:06:14.112 --> 01:06:18.998
So, if you have a team that's constantly looking back oh man, remember when?

01:06:18.998 --> 01:06:21.286
Oh man, I used to love, when we used to do that?

01:06:21.286 --> 01:06:26.025
Oh man, we should continue these practices that worked for us three years ago.

01:06:26.427 --> 01:06:31.557
If they're constantly looking back, then you'll never be able to push them toward promise.

01:06:31.557 --> 01:06:46.385
You have to keep your team looking toward the thing, toward the productivity, toward the purpose, toward the promise that we're trying to move them to, and so you have to be able to communicate a vision that is in front of them and not the one that's behind them.

01:06:46.385 --> 01:07:03.139
And, as a person who has experienced a lot of leadership, transitions is not always as easy as one may think, because, when I lost my first supervisor, we still struggling, okay, right.

01:07:03.139 --> 01:07:07.876
And so, like you have to be mindful to be like, okay, yes, that was a great era.

01:07:07.876 --> 01:07:11.710
Like, yes, we, oh, we loved it, oh, it was awesome.

01:07:11.710 --> 01:07:14.137
Oh, but we not, baby, it doesn't make.

01:07:14.137 --> 01:07:16.206
We can't keep pointing ourselves back.

01:07:16.206 --> 01:07:17.650
That way we got.

01:07:17.650 --> 01:07:21.137
We have to point ourselves to the promise of our future.

01:07:22.925 --> 01:07:23.507
That's good.

01:07:23.507 --> 01:07:28.018
I realized that I, when you said that I took it a totally different way.

01:07:28.018 --> 01:07:35.434
And but I and I, I kind of, when I think leadership, transition, I think person.

01:07:35.434 --> 01:07:40.061
For whatever reason, I don't know why, that's the first thing that comes to my mind, like in an individual.

01:07:40.061 --> 01:07:45.090
And so what I was hearing you say was as a, as an entity.

01:07:45.090 --> 01:08:01.833
You know, some, that transition happens sometimes as a result of a person, but it, or as a, you know, and your, your example, COVID, like, like this, was built during this era.

01:08:01.833 --> 01:08:05.487
We got to move into a different era, but it is, it is a almost.

01:08:05.507 --> 01:08:19.380
You're moving an organism or an organization moving an entity, and so the entity is going through a transition, and and I you know, in and when I hear leadership transition, I first think individual.

01:08:19.380 --> 01:08:27.597
Now I'll say this Obviously they impact each other right.

01:08:27.597 --> 01:08:38.859
Because so much of the movement of an organization into a different transition has to do with an individual who is going through a transition Right.

01:08:39.060 --> 01:08:48.800
Yeah, and so understanding how to manage both of those realities and understanding that both of those need to be managed well, I think is so important.

01:08:48.800 --> 01:09:06.554
Like you know, it's important that the individual who is transitioning is excited about and not tied to their past, but they're excited about their future.

01:09:06.554 --> 01:09:10.739
And it's important for an organization to be focused on future and not so ingrained in what's going on in the past.

01:09:10.739 --> 01:09:14.895
And why do you think it's so hard for that?

01:09:14.895 --> 01:09:17.347
Like, why do you think it's so hard for that?

01:09:17.347 --> 01:09:18.470
Why do you think it's hard to get there?

01:09:18.470 --> 01:09:26.412
What do you think the barriers are in people's brains when it comes to moving from past to future?

01:09:27.493 --> 01:09:29.639
Because I think the future requires trust.

01:09:29.639 --> 01:09:40.529
I think it requires us to pull on the pieces of us that are okay with the unknown, and we don't like that.

01:09:40.529 --> 01:09:45.194
Like experience, experience all comes out of the past.

01:09:45.194 --> 01:09:54.993
Right, it is easier to trust your experience because I've seen that and even if it wasn't good, at least I know how to work with it.

01:09:54.993 --> 01:09:55.635
Right.

01:09:55.635 --> 01:09:57.359
That's why people stay in.

01:09:57.359 --> 01:10:02.676
Bad relationships are in things that they know may not be fruitful for them.

01:10:02.676 --> 01:10:06.471
Because at least I know it, yeah, at least it's familiar.

01:10:06.872 --> 01:10:13.088
Right, when we talk about the future and we start, um, thinking about the hope of what something could be.

01:10:13.088 --> 01:10:13.369
Hope.

01:10:13.369 --> 01:10:14.912
Hope is dangerous.

01:10:14.912 --> 01:10:17.837
Hope is risky, right.

01:10:17.837 --> 01:10:22.875
Like saying that, like, ooh, maybe what I hope for can become a reality.

01:10:22.875 --> 01:10:24.398
Hope is also work.

01:10:26.087 --> 01:10:41.077
Right, where experience is routine, all right, I can just do what I've always done, and even if it doesn't work, I can still look like I'm doing something, versus if I'm saying, okay, we're going to move to something new and we're going to do something new.

01:10:41.077 --> 01:10:44.247
We as a team have to take a step back.

01:10:44.247 --> 01:10:51.029
I have to build a plan, I have to build a system, I have to figure out how are we going to get there?

01:10:51.029 --> 01:10:52.853
Right, and I have to.

01:10:52.853 --> 01:10:56.842
As a leader, I have to trust my God, amen.

01:10:56.842 --> 01:11:08.597
But I also have to trust, like my own gift set Right, because I can't, I have to lead out of my own strengths Right, and so I have to trust what I have to get us where we're going.

01:11:09.038 --> 01:11:16.765
And so a lot of times, people don't want to, don't want to go through that experience of risk and that experience of vulnerability.

01:11:16.765 --> 01:11:27.514
The future is a vulnerable place to uh to orient yourself to, because we don't always know it and it doesn't always work out the way that we think that we do.

01:11:27.514 --> 01:11:42.680
But that is why it's so important somewhere in your leadership, in the leadership of your organization, there has to be a visionary, there has to be people who are willing to set vision that they can then communicate to people, so that people will be willing to take the risk.

01:11:42.819 --> 01:11:50.171
Yeah, no, that's good, and we're going to talk about that, I think, in part two is what that can look like.

01:11:50.171 --> 01:12:12.889
I think the other thing about transition is that we have to, and the other thing that I've seen and I have personally had to unlearn about transition, and that is absolutely not quick, because when you are moving, the old African proverb, go fast, go alone, you go far, you go together right.

01:12:13.229 --> 01:12:20.671
Listen, ending with an African proverb is the most middle adult thing we could ever do.

01:12:20.671 --> 01:12:27.806
It is the most middle adult and I'd like to end with an African proverb.

01:12:27.806 --> 01:12:30.050
Go with me if you will.

01:12:32.554 --> 01:12:42.341
It's real, though it is a very middle adult thing and I learned it from an older adult, but it is if you want to go fast, go alone.

01:12:42.341 --> 01:12:43.604
If you want to go far, go together.

01:12:43.604 --> 01:12:48.972
That's real, and I like to move fast.

01:12:48.972 --> 01:12:50.734
I am a fast mover.

01:12:50.734 --> 01:12:59.411
I don't like moving slow, and so for me, fast mover, I don't like moving slow, and so for me, transition.

01:12:59.411 --> 01:13:07.472
What I've had to unlearn is that in the process of transition, you are not just transitioning, you you are transitioning it, so it does not move fast, even though you do.

01:13:08.095 --> 01:13:08.617
That's good.

01:13:09.005 --> 01:13:21.081
And I believe that if we can reset our expectations around the process of transition, then sometimes it won't feel as painful.

01:13:21.081 --> 01:13:25.195
So you know, that is I think this is really important.

01:13:25.195 --> 01:13:34.032
It's something I've had to unlearn I don't know about anybody else out there, but I've had to really and I still do and I think about like okay, we need to make these changes, like this is what I see right.

01:13:34.032 --> 01:13:35.248
It's like we need to do this, this and this.

01:13:35.248 --> 01:13:36.994
Okay, tomorrow, we're going to start that tomorrow, guys.

01:13:36.994 --> 01:13:43.636
And it's like I expect it to be like okay, all right, so I'm going to send an email.

01:13:43.636 --> 01:13:45.287
I have done this.

01:13:45.527 --> 01:13:46.287
I have done this.

01:13:46.768 --> 01:13:53.176
And my team had looked at me like hold on, like wait a minute you want to start this next week.

01:13:53.216 --> 01:13:59.305
We just got this and you didn't even Like we're in the middle of like big project.

01:13:59.725 --> 01:14:01.752
I one time sent a really lengthy email.

01:14:01.752 --> 01:14:15.916
I was having a team member transition from part-time to full-time and in order to do that though, she was going to like not do some of the duties she was doing then to focus in on some other stuff at a full-time capacity.

01:14:15.916 --> 01:14:20.697
So some of those other duties were going to have to shift to other members of the team.

01:14:20.697 --> 01:14:27.895
Now I, in my dumbness, sent an email explaining this.

01:14:27.895 --> 01:14:29.318
I didn't talk to anybody.

01:14:29.618 --> 01:14:30.239
Ruth Abigail.

01:14:31.305 --> 01:14:35.914
I sent an email being like okay, guys, as of this date, this is what's going to happen.

01:14:36.855 --> 01:14:37.497
Ruth Abigail.

01:14:37.537 --> 01:14:41.212
I was dumb and they.

01:14:41.984 --> 01:14:44.895
This is how you learn to become a leader of people and not a manager.

01:14:44.895 --> 01:14:47.073
Like literally this is how you learn.

01:14:47.265 --> 01:14:50.292
You do stupid stuff, like I have done stupid things.

01:14:50.524 --> 01:14:52.350
Yeah, no, because that required a meeting.

01:14:52.993 --> 01:14:53.895
That required a meeting.

01:14:53.895 --> 01:14:59.876
But in my, in my, in my uh, flawed understanding, I said, well, we don't have time.

01:14:59.876 --> 01:15:02.649
Like we got to move and it's like we got.

01:15:02.649 --> 01:15:04.554
We got this much space, this much time.

01:15:04.554 --> 01:15:06.747
We already had a little bit of a culture tension.

01:15:06.747 --> 01:15:12.033
It was just a lot going on and so I was like take action, we're going to do this.

01:15:12.033 --> 01:15:14.899
We've had so many other meetings where I'm not going to meet anymore.

01:15:14.899 --> 01:15:15.699
We're just going to do it.

01:15:15.699 --> 01:15:17.903
Dumb, this is dumb.

01:15:18.042 --> 01:15:20.006
That's young, that's young leader stuff right there.

01:15:20.006 --> 01:15:21.990
Hey, all right, I sent y'all the email.

01:15:21.990 --> 01:15:22.993
Now I expect to see it.

01:15:23.515 --> 01:15:39.122
And and so I I learned, like you can't make those kinds of shifts fast, because it's not just about you understanding it, it's about everyone understanding it and everybody's not going to understand it at the rate you are, and so, and not going to be ready to move at the rate you are.

01:15:39.644 --> 01:15:39.904
My Lord.

01:15:40.166 --> 01:15:42.210
It is important to take your time.

01:15:42.210 --> 01:15:44.735
Don't expect for transitions to happen fast.

01:15:44.735 --> 01:15:49.869
They won't, and so that's that anyway.

01:15:49.869 --> 01:15:59.935
Yeah, transition is one of the hardest things in leadership that you'll ever have to do, but it is the most constant thing that you will ever have to do.

01:16:01.925 --> 01:16:04.333
Facts, actual and factual.

01:16:04.333 --> 01:16:32.692
Listen, if you are committed to not going alone on your leadership journey, share part one with someone, study it, talk about it with each other, growing your leadership journeys, and then meet us together for part two, where we got some more great, great, great leadership facts and figures and things and perspectives and understandings that we're going to unpack for you guys and send us questions and comments.

01:16:32.692 --> 01:16:42.939
If you are talking about this with another leader and something comes up, or if you're talking about some things with your team, right, and you have like a great revelation, are you like questions?

01:16:42.939 --> 01:16:45.407
Come up, send us those in the comments.

01:16:45.407 --> 01:16:54.835
Um, send us, send us direct messages, reply to us on our Instagram posts, send it to the, to the DM, and we will get back to you, we will.

01:16:55.076 --> 01:16:56.137
And we look excited.

01:16:56.137 --> 01:16:59.100
We are excited to continue with you guys on your leadership journeys.

01:16:59.885 --> 01:17:02.675
Yo, well, I think we're done with this one.

01:17:02.675 --> 01:17:05.532
Think we're done with segment one.

01:17:05.532 --> 01:17:07.490
Yeah, we are Y'all.

01:17:07.490 --> 01:17:10.310
Let's keep unlearning together so we can experience more freedom.

01:17:10.310 --> 01:17:12.270
We will see you next week.

01:17:12.270 --> 01:17:14.237
Peace, Peace.

01:17:17.645 --> 01:17:20.496
Thank you once again for listening to the Unlearned Podcast.

01:17:20.496 --> 01:17:24.676
We would love to hear your comments and your feedback about the episode.

01:17:24.676 --> 01:17:31.417
Feel free to follow us on Facebook and Instagram and to let us know what you think.

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We're looking forward to the next time when we are able to unlearn together to move forward towards freedom.

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See you then.