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July 30, 2024

Talks With Middle Adults Season Finale: Overcoming Perfectionism, Embracing Vulnerability, and Nurturing Financial Wellness

Talks With Middle Adults Season Finale: Overcoming Perfectionism, Embracing Vulnerability, and Nurturing Financial Wellness
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Ever wondered how young professionals tackle perfectionism, navigate their career paths, and find a balance between personal growth and professional success? Discover the candid and inspiring stories of Amir  and Joya  in the season finale of the Unlearned Podcast, where our hosts Ruth Abigail (Ra) and Jaquetta bring you a wealth of insights and practical advice. Listen in as Amir, an assistant director and campus programmer, and Joya, a passionate young adult, share their personal journeys, challenges, and victories. Producer Joy also joins the celebration, adding a rare and delightful on-screen presence to our discussion.

From overcoming imposter syndrome with the help of mentors to embracing the philosophy that "done is better than perfect," this episode addresses the real struggles young professionals face in high-pressure environments. We unpack Amir's transition from diverse roles to his niche in student affairs and Joya's path from uncertainty to discovering her passion for administration. The stories are not just about professional growth but also about maintaining authenticity and vulnerability, essential traits for effective leadership and healthy workplace dynamics. Hear firsthand how our guests manage these intricate balances and integrate personal development into their careers.

As we wrap up this season, we also highlight the significance of self-care, financial wellness, and setting intentional boundaries. Dive into practical tips for managing stress, achieving financial health, and finding joy in everyday routines. Plus, don't miss our exciting announcement about the upcoming series on unlearning entrepreneurship. Stay connected with us on Facebook and Instagram for updates and continue this journey of unlearning to achieve greater freedom and fulfillment. Join us for this enriching episode and celebrate the milestones with the Unlearned Podcast community!

Chapters

00:06 - Unlearned Podcast Season Finale

10:05 - Building Confidence and Professional Reputation

19:13 - Navigating Perfectionism in Professional Settings

32:22 - Navigating Career Paths and Passions

38:52 - Balancing Personal and Professional Traits

47:29 - Personal and Professional Integration

54:00 - Balancing Personal and Professional Boundaries

59:10 - Navigating Transparency and Vulnerability

01:09:22 - Self-Care and Financial Wellness

01:24:36 - Exciting New Series Announcement

Transcript
WEBVTT

00:00:06.448 --> 00:00:07.189
yo, yo yo.

00:00:07.189 --> 00:00:08.529
What's up everybody.

00:00:08.529 --> 00:00:12.615
Welcome once again to the unlearned podcast.

00:00:12.615 --> 00:00:28.794
I am your host, ruth abigail aka ra, and hey, friends it's your girl, jaquita and this is the podcast that is helping you gain the courage to change your mind so that you can experience just a little bit more freedom.

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Y'all, I'm excited about this particular episode.

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My Lord, we have some fun.

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This is going to be fun.

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So you should know that this is actually our season finale.

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Look at us.

00:00:42.072 --> 00:00:43.674
We've done a season.

00:00:47.380 --> 00:01:03.332
We've been out here, in these streets out here in these streets, we have, and uh, we're excited about this because we get to really uh dive into some of these topics, uh, from people who are indeed, ladies and gentlemen, younger adults.

00:01:03.393 --> 00:01:05.135
We found the young adults.

00:01:05.135 --> 00:01:08.641
We brought the young adults on.

00:01:08.641 --> 00:01:09.325
They're here.

00:01:09.325 --> 00:01:11.507
Welcome, young adults.

00:01:12.000 --> 00:01:21.191
They're coming to come, and so we also once again have Producer Joy.

00:01:21.251 --> 00:01:24.121
Shout out Producer Joy, out here on the scene.

00:01:24.121 --> 00:01:26.102
Okay, producer Joy, producer Joy, out here on the scene.

00:01:26.123 --> 00:01:27.844
Okay, producer Joy, producer Joy.

00:01:27.844 --> 00:01:28.906
Producer Joy shouldn't be here.

00:01:28.906 --> 00:01:32.989
She is nonetheless for this one-time season finale.

00:01:32.989 --> 00:01:35.671
Season one, season finale Woo-woo.

00:01:36.251 --> 00:01:39.674
Listen if y'all like having Producer Joy on the screen with us.

00:01:39.674 --> 00:01:41.316
You know, let us know.

00:01:41.316 --> 00:01:43.496
Okay, let us know.

00:01:43.496 --> 00:01:46.584
Put it in the comments.

00:01:46.584 --> 00:01:47.371
I want to see more joy.

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We'll make it happen.

00:01:48.159 --> 00:01:49.356
We'll make it happen.

00:01:49.356 --> 00:01:50.644
We'll make it happen.

00:01:51.664 --> 00:01:56.010
Look at this willing vessel are you looking at the face?

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A non-verbal vessel?

00:01:57.778 --> 00:01:59.908
My non-verbal cues tell you that.

00:01:59.908 --> 00:02:05.924
But okay, we have a couple of other new faces.

00:02:05.924 --> 00:02:11.320
So please, jaquita, ruth, abigail, can you give us a little intro?

00:02:12.584 --> 00:02:15.931
sure, I feel like we should go in the order that she called us.

00:02:15.931 --> 00:02:20.465
Um, I love that my name was first.

00:02:20.465 --> 00:02:21.246
Thank you for that.

00:02:21.246 --> 00:02:25.592
Producer Producer Joy, listen with us today.

00:02:25.592 --> 00:02:29.182
We have the illustrious, we have the excellent.

00:02:29.182 --> 00:02:32.070
We have the networking genius himself.

00:02:32.070 --> 00:02:35.180
Okay, we have Mr Amir Moore.

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Can y'all clap it up for Amir?

00:02:37.181 --> 00:02:42.188
Okay, amir is my assistant director.

00:02:42.188 --> 00:02:59.929
He is one of the greatest programmers campus programmers I've ever met and I've met quite a few, but Amir is absolutely excellent at what he does and an absolute excellent person to help lead and support, and we're just excited to have him on the show.

00:02:59.929 --> 00:03:01.885
Amir, say what's up to the people.

00:03:02.461 --> 00:03:03.526
Thank you so much for having me.

00:03:03.526 --> 00:03:07.560
I'm definitely excited about the conversation and I appreciate the introduction.

00:03:07.560 --> 00:03:08.905
That was heartwarming.

00:03:08.905 --> 00:03:09.707
I appreciate that.

00:03:10.080 --> 00:03:10.362
Thank you.

00:03:10.362 --> 00:03:11.326
I meant every word, amir.

00:03:11.326 --> 00:03:12.384
I meant every word.

00:03:13.564 --> 00:03:17.395
Amir, later on you'll tell us what she really Says about you behind closed doors.

00:03:17.395 --> 00:03:17.758
Okay.

00:03:19.625 --> 00:03:20.687
Amir know I got him.

00:03:20.687 --> 00:03:21.691
I ain't worried about that.

00:03:23.670 --> 00:03:24.556
Alright, who you got Rita?

00:03:24.556 --> 00:03:25.020
Are we there, Abigail?

00:03:25.020 --> 00:03:29.568
In the building we have Miss Joya Harrington.

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I have known Joya.

00:03:31.145 --> 00:03:34.210
I went to your high school graduation.

00:03:34.210 --> 00:03:39.383
Which was four plus years ago, I think is right.

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Is that right?

00:03:41.788 --> 00:03:44.092
Three, I have no idea.

00:03:44.823 --> 00:03:45.887
I can't know I can't tell you.

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But she's now a college graduate and Joya, I have seen her blossom, blossom into a very intelligent, inquisitive, curious, hardworking, wise, beyond her years.

00:04:04.712 --> 00:04:09.456
Uh, young person Like she is very much.

00:04:09.456 --> 00:04:10.901
She's not, she's your.

00:04:10.901 --> 00:04:14.091
It's a rarity Joya is is somebody different.

00:04:14.091 --> 00:04:20.867
Um, and she and I got an opportunity to work together at Angel Street, um, I think the summer last summer.

00:04:20.867 --> 00:04:27.651
Um, she interned with us and now she is out in the world, the world, doing her thing.

00:04:27.690 --> 00:04:35.242
She has a real heart and passion for people, really just young adults themselves, and I love the way Joy takes on challenges.

00:04:35.242 --> 00:04:38.410
She says she doesn't want to do something, but she does it anyway.

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And that is including this podcast.

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To a certain degree, there's a little bit of you know, I don't know if I you know, but she's doing it.

00:04:49.024 --> 00:04:56.961
And, like, I've seen her do that, I've seen her do that at work, I've seen her do that in church, things that we've talked about, like you know.

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And, man, I'm proud of Joya, so I'm glad you're here.

00:05:01.786 --> 00:05:02.783
Everybody.

00:05:02.783 --> 00:05:07.112
Welcome Joya, hey Joya, so I'm glad you're here, Everybody welcome Joya.

00:05:07.132 --> 00:05:07.334
Hey Joya.

00:05:07.334 --> 00:05:14.733
Okay, you talked a little bit about how you and Joya first met.

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Can you go in?

00:05:15.997 --> 00:05:20.107
Can y'all go into detail about that, Like what first happened?

00:05:20.107 --> 00:05:27.971
Where did it become just a ooh, an associate to like something a little bit more, a little bit more deep, personal, professional?

00:05:27.971 --> 00:05:29.153
How did that happen?

00:05:31.779 --> 00:05:32.803
Go ahead, joya, do you remember?

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I'm gonna let you talk.

00:05:35.120 --> 00:05:49.084
So I knew about her because we used to go to the same church and my parents are friends with her parents, and then my parents became friends with her and so she just kept showing up.

00:05:49.084 --> 00:05:55.548
So I was like, okay, let me, let me, let me, you know, speak.

00:05:55.548 --> 00:05:59.850
Obviously I don't want to be rude.

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That was like for a while like she was just with my parents and I don't think it really turned into anything like like, oh OK all right.

00:06:14.459 --> 00:06:14.940
How are you doing?

00:06:14.940 --> 00:06:15.641
You know the kind of thing.

00:06:15.641 --> 00:06:27.064
Until I got a little bit older I would say high school, and even more so when I started working at Angel Street, like that was when it really to me we went into a different time zone.

00:06:27.064 --> 00:06:31.165
Basically, the other one did leave, but we added on a new one.

00:06:32.139 --> 00:06:36.521
Yeah, so what I'm hearing is that she was stalking you and your family for a little bit.

00:06:36.541 --> 00:06:39.043
You could say that just a little, but it wasn't bad.

00:06:40.100 --> 00:06:42.944
It was just like Good stalking, good stalking Okay.

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Alright, okay, I don.

00:06:45.144 --> 00:06:46.709
I like the way you interpret things, joy.

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That's how I heard it.

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I'm sure the audience does too.

00:06:49.824 --> 00:06:59.279
I feel like Joy's whole intention is how can I continue to hear the weird negative things about these hosts today?

00:06:59.279 --> 00:07:03.850
I feel like this is like an exposing documentary for her.

00:07:03.850 --> 00:07:06.043
This might be Joy's last time.

00:07:06.043 --> 00:07:06.966
I think Joy's done.

00:07:06.966 --> 00:07:09.401
Never mind, do not put it in the chat.

00:07:09.401 --> 00:07:10.805
If you want to see Joy, you won't.

00:07:10.805 --> 00:07:12.247
You won't.

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Ain't.

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No more Joy.

00:07:14.173 --> 00:07:22.608
Okay, Amir, how was your first interactions with Jaquita Like what happened there?

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Were you like, ah, this is someone I want to get to know more.

00:07:26.971 --> 00:07:33.422
Or were you like I'm gonna do my own thing, Like what happened with that relationship when you first met Jaquita?

00:07:33.903 --> 00:07:37.913
Yes, yes, so my first interaction actually, I found Jaquita on LinkedIn.

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So I messaged Jaquita and said hey, my name is Amir.

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I am interested in the job opportunity.

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Do you have time to get on the phone?

00:07:47.648 --> 00:07:59.509
So my first interaction was through LinkedIn, but during my interview process Daquita was, like I said, very enthusiastic, very open, so I had a really great experience.

00:08:00.603 --> 00:08:05.168
My two interactions with Daquita Okay, so you put in that initiative.

00:08:05.168 --> 00:08:10.189
You're like, ah, let me, let me get to know who this person I might be working with for a while.

00:08:10.290 --> 00:08:14.084
Yes, Mr Initiative himself.

00:08:14.084 --> 00:08:16.488
Let me tell you something about Amir Moore.

00:08:16.488 --> 00:08:22.610
Okay, First of all, yes, he did send that LinkedIn post and it was absolutely fantastic.

00:08:22.610 --> 00:08:24.834
But Amir, I knew.

00:08:24.834 --> 00:08:29.028
When Amir came to the interview, I said this man is not to be played with.

00:08:29.028 --> 00:08:37.107
Number one Amir carries like a black leather briefcase looking bag that he walked in the office with.

00:08:37.107 --> 00:08:38.966
I was like, okay, all right.

00:08:38.966 --> 00:09:02.866
And he in the interview, out of this bag he took like a packet of materials that he had prepared for the interview, Like he had pages of ideas and notes for programming, and so Amir was automatically impressive and so, yeah, he's that guy, he's that guy.

00:09:03.567 --> 00:09:06.413
Okay, nice, all right.

00:09:06.413 --> 00:09:15.410
Well, since we've been getting started, what have y'all specifically learned?

00:09:15.410 --> 00:09:24.212
I guess from anybody, because this is the Unlearned Podcast, and so we're unlearning as we're aging in our middle adult times.

00:09:24.212 --> 00:09:24.546
Y'all are also unlearning.

00:09:24.546 --> 00:09:25.722
Listen, we're unlearning as we're aging into in our middle adult times.

00:09:25.722 --> 00:09:27.967
Y'all are also unlearning.

00:09:27.967 --> 00:09:29.904
Listen, we're aging.

00:09:29.904 --> 00:09:33.443
Ok, ruth Abigail, just live this, feel it, just embrace it.

00:09:33.443 --> 00:09:35.945
We don't have to accept that.

00:09:35.945 --> 00:09:38.292
Yes, you can, I need you to push again.

00:09:38.292 --> 00:09:45.133
Aging is a real thing, guys, ok, but what is one of the things?

00:09:45.133 --> 00:09:48.841
Um, because that's the theme of this whole podcast unlearning.

00:09:48.841 --> 00:09:50.504
What would you say?

00:09:50.504 --> 00:09:59.784
That, if you learn from Jaquita or Ruth Abigail or from someone else in your life, what is one big thing that you have unlearned, like recently?

00:10:02.427 --> 00:10:04.990
I would say definitely.

00:10:04.990 --> 00:10:07.833
Let me tell y'all the last cover.

00:10:07.833 --> 00:10:23.265
The last big or deep conversation I had with RA was, I think, close to my last day at work, and when I tell y'all she said like it's like she took a flashlight and just shined it in my eye and I was a little offended because it was.

00:10:23.265 --> 00:10:24.326
It was like surprised.

00:10:24.326 --> 00:10:28.532
I'm like all right, she never did this to me before.

00:10:28.532 --> 00:10:31.115
But when I tell y'all she read me.

00:10:31.115 --> 00:10:32.615
I was like what?

00:10:32.615 --> 00:10:35.250
I didn't think she was paying attention that much.

00:10:35.250 --> 00:10:39.381
Okay, so that was one of the things like from that conversation.

00:10:39.381 --> 00:10:45.793
I was like okay, julia, if she saw it, you got to shape up Like come on and all right, she's going to tell you.

00:10:45.793 --> 00:10:47.243
Like she will tell you.

00:10:47.243 --> 00:10:52.443
And it's like she, I was surprised, I was shook, I was shook.

00:10:52.443 --> 00:10:58.096
So one of the things that I definitely learned was basically to watch my words.

00:10:58.400 --> 00:11:05.349
Ok, and it came up again in this last internship I did is having confidence in new tasks.

00:11:05.349 --> 00:11:13.582
So I would do it, but I would have this sense of like can I do it, even though I know I can do it?

00:11:13.582 --> 00:11:15.587
But I would still have this sense of like.

00:11:15.587 --> 00:11:17.692
I don't know if I can do it.

00:11:17.692 --> 00:11:18.522
And our A?

00:11:18.522 --> 00:11:20.148
She was like you need to cut that out.

00:11:20.148 --> 00:11:29.471
Basically, she was just like you, you're, you got it, but you're making you're, you're, you got it, but you're making you're, you're hurting yourself, like you're bringing yourself down, like when you just just do it.

00:11:29.471 --> 00:11:31.514
It's like, oh, okay it.

00:11:31.514 --> 00:11:32.481
So.

00:11:32.481 --> 00:11:35.971
People kept saying that, but it didn't really hit until all right, it was just like.

00:11:35.971 --> 00:11:38.385
She was just like there's a bush.

00:11:38.385 --> 00:11:40.711
I'm not going around it like this is the bush.

00:11:40.711 --> 00:11:43.725
She was just like take it you.

00:11:44.888 --> 00:11:46.291
Joy, let me tell you something.

00:11:46.291 --> 00:11:49.063
Ruth Abigail don't know nothing about no bush.

00:11:49.063 --> 00:11:53.623
She ain't never been around no bush, she ain't familiar with no bush.

00:11:55.245 --> 00:11:55.947
Bush is not real.

00:11:55.947 --> 00:11:59.053
She's been doing this to us for 20 years.

00:12:01.442 --> 00:12:28.815
Okay, so, Joy, can you expound on, because I think the confidence deal might be something that a lot of people struggle with, especially like when you're doing something new and like you know, you're kind of fresh into the professional world and you're doing new things and it's like you know I have heard from other people who are kind of in that same place it can be really, you know, you don't want people to think you don't know what you're doing.

00:12:28.815 --> 00:12:33.274
Right, you want to come across as confident, but it may not.

00:12:33.274 --> 00:13:00.774
It may not translate as that, Like you, you know what is, what are some things that you feel like you either do differently or would like to do differently than you've done before in order to show up more confidently well, I think that because, especially working in like a professional area, um, there's a lot of people that are already there, so they know how the flow goes.

00:13:01.020 --> 00:13:09.966
And trying to trying to do or try to become acquainted with the environment in a little time, especially like the internships, that's what I've been doing.

00:13:09.966 --> 00:13:18.211
It's kind of I don't want to say hard, but it's a little uncomfortable because you got to do a lot in a short time span.

00:13:18.211 --> 00:13:27.562
So one of the big things for me was putting, let's say, for an email, because it was an HR internship so I have to, you know, go with my emails and stuff.

00:13:27.562 --> 00:13:36.870
So when I had my email checked and they said, okay, you're good to go, I still I felt the need to check back over to make sure like, okay, like you sure it's like go ahead.

00:13:36.870 --> 00:13:37.211
It was.

00:13:37.211 --> 00:13:39.663
It was like a okay, they said go.

00:13:39.663 --> 00:13:42.629
They said it's fine, so so do it.

00:13:42.629 --> 00:13:45.073
It's like at some point you got to send it anyway.

00:13:45.073 --> 00:13:57.082
So like it was like the, the, the nervousness or the anxiety and like, okay, I actually have to push, send and it's going out to the entire company Like they're going to see it.

00:13:57.744 --> 00:14:04.443
So it was like basically having confidence in that I know what I have in me.

00:14:04.443 --> 00:14:05.668
I know what I've been trained to do.

00:14:05.668 --> 00:14:07.426
I put it on the resume that I know how to do it.

00:14:07.426 --> 00:14:08.469
So it's in me.

00:14:08.469 --> 00:14:09.764
So they know that it's in me.

00:14:09.764 --> 00:14:14.962
So it's like going with what you know it's in you, like it's not.

00:14:14.962 --> 00:14:17.029
It's there for a reason.

00:14:17.029 --> 00:14:23.205
They hired you for a reason because they see something in you, because you saw something in yourself and you wanted to share it.

00:14:23.205 --> 00:14:29.730
So it's being confident, or going with or doing, just doing it.

00:14:29.730 --> 00:14:32.633
If you're doing your best, it's really hard to mess up.

00:14:32.633 --> 00:14:36.115
If you're doing your best, you're asking the questions, if you're doing what you're supposed to be doing.

00:14:36.735 --> 00:14:46.875
So yeah, it sounds like a lot of like because I can relate to this is with having that imposter syndrome.

00:14:46.875 --> 00:14:52.191
You know, like you said, having the skill set but not having the confidence to go with the skill set.

00:14:52.191 --> 00:14:57.350
Yet, amir, did you ever feel that in any way in the beginning of your career?

00:14:58.980 --> 00:15:00.884
Yes, I think that is really important.

00:15:00.884 --> 00:15:10.743
What she said like just building the confidence to do kind of imposter syndrome, being able to be in spaces that you never thought you would be in, having to operate at a certain level.

00:15:10.743 --> 00:15:16.363
So, yes, I did have a certain amount of imposter syndrome, building my confidence to get things done.

00:15:16.363 --> 00:15:22.063
But you have great supervisors, great mentors and they're like you got this, don't worry, don't trip, you got this.

00:15:22.063 --> 00:15:31.607
But it is a motion or a path that you have to get over to say you know, I got this, I'm capable and I can do the job.

00:15:33.020 --> 00:15:33.221
Yeah.

00:15:33.701 --> 00:15:48.105
You know, I think it's interesting that you know, when Joya talked about, you know like it was the email for her, like in the email that an entire company was going to see her, like in the email that an entire company was going to see.

00:15:48.125 --> 00:16:17.229
And I think sometimes as middle adults or as people who are supervising or supporting middle adults, we forget, like something that may seem like, oh okay, it's just an email to us is like a moment of vulnerability for them, and so we forget to coach them through some of those moments and we, you know, we think small of like the things that they're experiencing, but they're experiencing it on a very high level and for her, that was a bridge from one level of confidence to the next.

00:16:17.750 --> 00:16:26.679
You know it wasn't just send the email, it was wow, I am really doing what I said I'm capable of doing, and it was.

00:16:26.679 --> 00:16:39.644
And sometimes we forget to like, really like, zoom in on those moments for the people we're supporting and saying, hey, I understand where you are, this is a first for you.

00:16:39.644 --> 00:16:45.840
You know, let me help support you to get into this moment, because it's bigger than what we think it is sometimes.

00:16:45.840 --> 00:16:56.025
And so, joy, I appreciate you kind of shedding light on that, because I think that that's something important for us to note to other people who are mentoring and supervising young adults.

00:16:58.267 --> 00:17:10.093
I think that you know we often forget what it was like to send that first email.

00:17:10.093 --> 00:17:13.875
I mean it does seem like, okay, it's just an email.

00:17:13.875 --> 00:17:32.641
But to your point, I mean it's your voice, really my name, your name Going out to all these people and you want it to be right, you want it to be the best impression, right.

00:17:32.641 --> 00:17:34.125
I say you only get one time to make a first impression.

00:17:34.125 --> 00:17:34.888
I mean, so that's it and it's and.

00:17:34.888 --> 00:17:46.954
So I think, yeah, you're, you're to your point, quida, it is important to, um, see the weight of that like, remember the weight of that and coach, uh, younger professionals through that, without, without making it feel like it's not a big deal.

00:17:46.954 --> 00:17:50.385
It's more than just an email, like you said.

00:17:50.425 --> 00:17:53.251
For you, joya, it was more than an email.

00:17:53.251 --> 00:18:10.613
It was your introduction to the company and you wanted them to see you a certain way and you wanted to come across in the way that you presented yourself on paper and that is, uh, that's important, and so I think sometimes it can be.

00:18:10.613 --> 00:18:17.750
For, for those of us who are have been doing it forever, it's like, it's fine, like no big deal.

00:18:17.750 --> 00:18:24.374
Everybody sends a, you know, halfway thought out email, which is true, but for for you.

00:18:24.374 --> 00:18:26.278
It's like I'm not trying to do that.

00:18:26.278 --> 00:18:26.861
You know what I mean.

00:18:28.423 --> 00:18:43.364
I also think, like it is like I would love to hear from Amir and Joya a little bit about, like the importance of reputation, because you guys are beginning to build kind of like your reputation in the fields that you're in.

00:18:43.364 --> 00:18:46.518
And what things are you thinking through as you're kind of like your reputation in the fields that you're in and what?

00:18:46.518 --> 00:18:54.191
What things are you thinking through as you're kind of building your presence in your like workspaces?

00:18:56.894 --> 00:18:57.641
I can go first.

00:18:57.641 --> 00:19:02.109
Um, I would say I would look at my different intersectionality.

00:19:02.109 --> 00:19:07.961
So I'm a black male, professional male, young black professional male in the space.

00:19:07.961 --> 00:19:12.250
So I know I'm looked under microscope everything I do.

00:19:12.250 --> 00:19:21.842
So as I go into the office, especially in a majority woman-based space, I have to show up a certain way, I have to speak a certain way.

00:19:21.842 --> 00:19:27.065
So, yes, I'm very when it comes to my integrity, my work.

00:19:27.065 --> 00:19:28.743
I take great pride in it.

00:19:28.743 --> 00:19:41.507
So every email I send, every event I do and this is a lesson learned from Jaquita's Protector of Peace I do struggle with that at times because, like I said, I think the world is my art piece.

00:19:41.507 --> 00:19:45.500
So everything I do, I do want it to be perfect and have a certain amount of perfection.

00:19:45.500 --> 00:19:47.061
But the world is not perfect.

00:19:47.061 --> 00:19:58.776
So I definitely take a lot of responsibility in how I act, how I present myself, how I speak and how my name is brought up in different rooms when I'm not in there.

00:19:58.776 --> 00:20:02.330
So I take high regard of my integrity and how I present myself.

00:20:04.980 --> 00:20:06.767
Seeing your work as an art piece.

00:20:06.767 --> 00:20:09.303
That's deep, that's beautiful, yeah.

00:20:10.766 --> 00:20:16.203
I definitely like I'm with him, I'm with a mirror, like that is me, like I was.

00:20:16.203 --> 00:20:20.842
I was like I taught I was talking a young age that the first thing people see on your paper is your name.

00:20:20.842 --> 00:20:24.630
So if your name is messy, that tells a lot about you.

00:20:24.630 --> 00:20:26.232
It's like, okay, what?

00:20:26.232 --> 00:20:27.721
Like it extends.

00:20:27.721 --> 00:20:30.547
So I am a perfectionist.

00:20:30.547 --> 00:20:45.513
I listen, hey, but I had to learn that in a fast paced environment it can be perfect all the time it needs to be done and you can go back and perfect it, but it needs to be done first.

00:20:45.513 --> 00:20:46.739
So back and perfect it, but it needs to be done first.

00:20:46.759 --> 00:20:52.939
Um, so that was definitely one of the things I want, like, like Amir said, integrity, like what?

00:20:52.939 --> 00:20:58.873
What people saying when they see me, when they think about my name in in the conference room or whatever.

00:20:58.873 --> 00:21:10.047
It's like I want it to be that she's punctual, that that she dress nice, that she does her work, that she does the best work, she's new, she's a breath of fresh air.

00:21:10.047 --> 00:21:15.852
It's like, oh, joya, ok, I want a positive reaction.

00:21:15.852 --> 00:21:20.551
I want people with dopamine to shoot to the brain when they hear my name.

00:21:20.551 --> 00:21:34.936
You know it's like I want yeah, I want to have like a good reputation y'all both said perfectionist, and I think that's very interesting.

00:21:35.577 --> 00:21:48.481
Do you think that's something that a lot of people, um, like your age, when they're entering to the professional community, like they feel like they have to be perfect in every part and every aspect of the job.

00:21:48.481 --> 00:21:54.570
Or is that, like, do you feel like that's an internal or an external pressure that's being placed on y'all?

00:21:56.580 --> 00:21:57.605
Definitely internal.

00:21:57.605 --> 00:22:03.028
Internal, I can't, I cannot speak for myself, okay.

00:22:03.368 --> 00:22:04.311
No, listen.

00:22:04.311 --> 00:22:19.355
And so, okay, okay, you talked, both of y'all talked a little bit, but I would love for y'all to expand about how y'all are in that young, professional standpoint, like trying to get away from the perfectionist.

00:22:19.355 --> 00:22:35.873
Because you said before, joya, like sometimes it's too fast paced and you just got to get it done, and so when you feel that urge of perfectionists coming up, bubbling up inside of you, what are some of the tools that y'all would give the audience to combat that?

00:22:35.873 --> 00:22:39.829
And, jaquita, ruth, abigail, have y'all got some tools to give them out?

00:22:52.420 --> 00:22:52.601
for me.

00:22:52.601 --> 00:22:55.329
Uh, when it came to certain projects, I made sure the content was perfect rather than the look of it.

00:22:55.329 --> 00:23:00.928
Um, because people they the first thing they want is to make sure that they can get to the correct content for the correct thing.

00:23:00.928 --> 00:23:05.394
And then they go back and look and say, oh, that looks nice, like that's the.

00:23:05.394 --> 00:23:18.844
Because it's like when you're setting up water bottles on the table, once people start grabbing, that setup don't mean nothing, like you did all that for nothing, but the water bottle was just the product that was perfect for them for in the moment.

00:23:18.844 --> 00:23:26.694
So making sure that the content of the creation is what is the perfection, what is correct.

00:23:27.460 --> 00:23:30.808
But it's the substance or the substance.

00:23:30.808 --> 00:23:31.250
Thank you.

00:23:33.642 --> 00:23:34.826
That's good, that's good.

00:23:36.701 --> 00:23:51.406
I would have to say, doing programs I had to focus on the experience, so not so much of the very, very, very small, small details that could be mitigated, I just make sure the students came and had a great time.

00:23:51.406 --> 00:23:52.810
I think that was my main focus.

00:23:52.810 --> 00:23:54.964
But I think Jaquita taught me a great lesson.

00:23:54.964 --> 00:24:11.000
I put a lot of internal pressure on myself, so being able to kind of let, let let those things go and, for example, marketing, if I come to, if I'm going to, then I want to make sure the flyer looks really good, because it's 12 am and if the flyer don't look good I'm not coming.

00:24:11.000 --> 00:24:19.223
So but Jaquita taught me really that hey, maybe give grace on the flyer, give grace on the marketing and just focus on the experience.

00:24:19.223 --> 00:24:30.126
So being able to kind of just focus on the things that I can't control, um, so I don't have a panic attack at times yes, that control thing, I'm working on it.

00:24:30.748 --> 00:24:42.603
I am working on it, but it um that it's like it's scary, it's just like because I know how I want it to be, like I know what it can be, and it's like I don't have the time to do it.

00:24:42.603 --> 00:24:43.744
It's just it can be so frustrating.

00:24:43.744 --> 00:24:45.347
It's like I don't have the time to do it.

00:24:45.347 --> 00:24:46.229
It's just it can be so frustrating.

00:24:46.229 --> 00:24:51.357
It's like just be perfect, like give me time, like I don't have it, yeah.

00:24:53.701 --> 00:25:04.355
I think one of my favorite sayings is that done is better than perfect because perfect never gets done.

00:25:04.355 --> 00:25:10.266
Done is better than perfect because perfect never gets done.

00:25:10.266 --> 00:25:11.751
And there is a reality to nothing is ever going to be perfect.

00:25:11.751 --> 00:25:19.061
And I think just when you kind of start with that premise, it takes the pressure off of being perfect because you kind of know it is never going to be what you want.

00:25:19.061 --> 00:25:21.107
And I like what you said, joya.

00:25:21.107 --> 00:25:24.244
You said that and it's like you know it needs to get done.

00:25:24.666 --> 00:25:37.924
And then the other thing I would say is I think you learn, unless you are a solo entrepreneur, it's also never squarely on your shoulders.

00:25:37.924 --> 00:25:44.803
So there are different people that are contributing at different levels Some you may see, some you may not.

00:25:44.803 --> 00:26:01.065
That if you do all you can do, it is then other people's job to fill in the gaps and like we can't put everything on us to get all the things because it's not all on us.

00:26:01.065 --> 00:26:02.887
And so when we remember that, I think it's less pressure.

00:26:02.887 --> 00:26:06.073
I know that's because I am I'm a recovering perfectionist.

00:26:06.493 --> 00:26:22.862
I want the thing to be right and and I've had to learn sometimes you can just shoot yourself in the foot by doing that, because it it, it becomes, it's the timing of it isn't good, right, it's not, it's not done.

00:26:22.862 --> 00:26:24.227
Things get done too.

00:26:24.227 --> 00:26:26.962
It's too close to the deadline and all these things.

00:26:26.962 --> 00:26:36.560
But also you, I know I have, in my, my kind of control, perfectionist tendencies.

00:26:36.560 --> 00:26:58.029
I have eliminated the opportunity for other people to contribute, for other people to contribute, and that stifles relationships and team and so, and you're never, we're never going to grow as much as we need to, professionally or personally, if you don't have a team.

00:26:58.951 --> 00:27:11.895
No, I think, going back to something that Amir said earlier, you know, just being, you know, like hyper aware of who's on my team has been so important.

00:27:11.895 --> 00:27:26.238
You know, like recognizing that Amir is a black male, like right now he is one of three out of like 17 people that are male in our office and so, like, what does that mean for him?

00:27:26.238 --> 00:27:29.866
What does that, you know, what does that constitute his needs?

00:27:29.866 --> 00:27:33.864
Because he supervises like a team of 10 students, right?

00:27:33.864 --> 00:27:35.589
So how are they perceiving him?

00:27:35.589 --> 00:27:38.759
How is he also supervises a grad assistant.

00:27:38.759 --> 00:27:41.729
How is he being perceived by the grad assistant?

00:27:41.729 --> 00:27:43.915
How is he being perceived by the office?

00:27:43.915 --> 00:27:46.082
How is he being perceived by the campus?

00:27:46.082 --> 00:28:11.469
And how can I support him so that he doesn't take on the undue pressure of just being different and just having a different approach or a different perspective, and really protecting that and helping not only to protect it but making sure that I am showcasing it in a way where it's seen as valuable to the organization.

00:28:11.469 --> 00:28:14.912
You know, and always you know, promoting that.

00:28:14.912 --> 00:28:30.169
You know that what Amir is bringing may be different, but that it's needed and it's necessary, necessary, and I think that sometimes you know, even within my own self, you know like I have to deal with my own intersectionality and I've had to learn.

00:28:30.169 --> 00:28:40.040
I've had to learn how to have my own voice in a place where my voice is not always as not that it's not celebrated or welcomed, it's not as known.

00:28:40.040 --> 00:28:47.752
You know like when you are speaking and you are the unknown voice and everyone else was used to, used to speaking in this.

00:28:48.153 --> 00:28:53.251
In a similar way, I did an interview just yesterday about what it's like to be a mid-level manager.

00:28:53.251 --> 00:28:55.346
I really felt like I gave her some good juice.

00:28:55.346 --> 00:29:10.467
But the one thing, the one thing she said she asked me how I would describe my management style and I told her that my team, they're the melody, they're the note everybody's going to hear and remember.

00:29:10.467 --> 00:29:19.673
I'm the harmony, I'm what backs them up to make sure that we as a team sound and look good, and I just think that there are.

00:29:19.673 --> 00:29:21.526
But there's so much work.

00:29:22.087 --> 00:29:46.883
It is easy to sometimes to sing the melody, but I don't think that people always realize how difficult it is to find the harmony right, to be able to balance out each of your people so that they feel supported in what they're doing, especially when you have multiple people that are under you, and even in thinking about the perfectionistic thing, like that's really just like we were talking about an area of control.

00:29:46.883 --> 00:29:51.593
What do I teach him, what do I help him learn and unlearn about control?

00:29:51.593 --> 00:29:56.733
Because in some ways Amir's events are excellent, excellent.

00:29:56.733 --> 00:30:01.525
This man already has fall and spring planned out, and I used to do events.

00:30:01.525 --> 00:30:06.054
I promise you I didn't have a year planned out by June or July.

00:30:06.420 --> 00:30:09.728
Amir has all his vendors and contracts in Amir.

00:30:09.728 --> 00:30:10.328
You know what I'm saying.

00:30:10.328 --> 00:30:12.093
He's always on top of his game.

00:30:12.093 --> 00:30:19.473
But what do I teach him about pulling back and like and and allowing space for things that may not go right?

00:30:19.473 --> 00:30:25.364
You know, like and so like as a, as a supervisor or as somebody that's providing the harmony.

00:30:25.364 --> 00:30:37.071
Sometimes we get stuck on how good the melody sounds, that we forget that there needs to be a balance added in order to create harmony, so that they can create a full picture in what they're doing.

00:30:41.695 --> 00:30:44.357
Yeah, thanks, cleta, that was good.

00:30:46.940 --> 00:30:47.508
I like that that's clippable.

00:30:47.508 --> 00:30:56.709
Cl like that that's clippable one band, one sound one band, one sound.

00:31:02.171 --> 00:31:03.252
I mean, it always does that.

00:31:03.252 --> 00:31:06.410
I'll say something long and drawn out in the mirror.

00:31:06.410 --> 00:31:12.680
Come out with one punch line there's that balance, there's harmony.

00:31:16.964 --> 00:31:21.169
Oh okay, joy, just tell us a little bit deeper.

00:31:21.169 --> 00:31:42.224
Um, so we've gone through several different topics over this season, and one of the ones Ruth Abigail told me that kind of resonated with you a little bit was how to relate when you can't find purpose at a job.

00:31:42.224 --> 00:31:46.173
How do you make that work?

00:31:46.173 --> 00:31:49.346
So what has been your experience with that?

00:31:52.125 --> 00:31:55.446
My whole entire life.

00:31:55.446 --> 00:32:02.622
I've always been a do-everything, a jack-of-all-trades, a Jill-of-all-trades I've been.

00:32:02.622 --> 00:32:07.301
I do a lot of stuff so that I can be good at everything.

00:32:07.301 --> 00:32:15.928
So I can't be without if that makes sense so learning how to get all these different traits and like stuff just out of the blue.

00:32:15.928 --> 00:32:17.170
But there's something to do.

00:32:17.170 --> 00:32:17.411
I can.

00:32:17.411 --> 00:32:21.644
I can put my name on Like if I decide to go back to it, I can, you know.

00:32:21.644 --> 00:32:28.261
So I've never been like the person that knows exactly like oh, I want to be this when I grow up.

00:32:28.261 --> 00:32:29.805
I want to go to school for this.

00:32:29.805 --> 00:32:31.608
It's been the complete opposite.

00:32:31.608 --> 00:32:40.432
I have no, I still don't know, but it's like I have an idea now, but I don't have a.

00:32:40.432 --> 00:32:44.046
I'm going to school for this, I'm doing this, I want to do this.

00:32:44.046 --> 00:32:45.469
This is where I want to end up.

00:32:45.469 --> 00:32:46.352
I don't have that.

00:32:46.352 --> 00:32:56.929
So, going through all these different things, doing these different jobs or programs or whatnot, and it's like I have all this under my belt.

00:32:56.929 --> 00:32:59.344
I don't know what to.

00:32:59.344 --> 00:33:01.249
How do I like?

00:33:01.249 --> 00:33:06.530
I enjoyed them, but I didn't feel a sense of purpose from them.

00:33:06.530 --> 00:33:09.945
They all can pay the bills.

00:33:09.945 --> 00:33:14.266
If I choose one, I would be fine, I would be well off.

00:33:14.266 --> 00:33:28.242
But it's like I want something that will that when I wake up, even though I'm tired, I know I'm going to enjoy going and doing what I'm doing and pouring into and getting poured back I got.

00:33:28.242 --> 00:33:32.512
I want some aspect of the job to be able to pour back into me.

00:33:32.512 --> 00:33:41.114
So I think that with industry, that's really where I found like, oh, I actually like this.

00:33:41.839 --> 00:33:43.786
I first I was not listening.

00:33:43.786 --> 00:33:45.090
I'll be honest I love you, ari.

00:33:45.090 --> 00:33:48.766
I did not like kids.

00:33:48.766 --> 00:33:52.755
I was like I do not want to work for children, I do not.

00:33:52.755 --> 00:34:00.993
So when she gave me this position in administration, I was like OK, it's like I can be there, but I don't have to be there.

00:34:00.993 --> 00:34:10.248
But during the summer internship and I was able to actually like I had to hang out it was like, oh, you know, you're not that bad.

00:34:10.248 --> 00:34:13.541
You know the children aren't that bad.

00:34:13.541 --> 00:34:14.922
It's not as bad as I thought.

00:34:14.922 --> 00:34:24.262
And so it was like I it's like a door unlocked that I didn't know.

00:34:24.262 --> 00:34:26.237
It was like maybe that was a missing.

00:34:26.570 --> 00:34:29.639
So now it's like, now that I've been there, it's like I want that back.

00:34:29.639 --> 00:34:35.057
I want the feeling that I had back they I mean they got on my nerves.

00:34:35.057 --> 00:34:54.489
I mean I was just like, oh, but I wanted to go back because I knew I saw the potential, I saw what they could be, what they were gaining, what I was able to give to them, so that they won't have to go through what they see everybody else going through.

00:34:54.489 --> 00:35:03.219
And they need people that didn't have to go through, so to speak, to tell them, hey, you don't have to go through, to tell them, hey, you don't have to go through.

00:35:03.219 --> 00:35:10.286
And instilling that wisdom so they can skip over the mistakes and, just like they can, it won't be the same mistakes repeated over and over again.

00:35:21.909 --> 00:35:25.175
And it's like I like the administration, the paperwork aspect, but I also need this itch scratched in my brain, Like you were saying in the episode.

00:35:25.175 --> 00:35:30.425
It's like like it's something that's not there, that's not being fulfilled, and it's like it's like what do I?

00:35:30.425 --> 00:35:32.130
What do I do with that?

00:35:32.130 --> 00:35:34.916
And I know I don't want to waste my time.

00:35:34.916 --> 00:36:03.539
I don't like wasting my time, so I don't want to spend this x amount of years in a job that I know it's not doing it for me, but it's like I have to do something Cause like at some point you gotta pay, you gotta pay bills, like and so, having everything under the belt, it's like, yeah, I, I will be able to pay my bills, but I want what I do, like I want, I want to pay my bills and I want to scratch the itch that I have in my brain.

00:36:04.262 --> 00:36:05.851
That's good, that's good.

00:36:06.652 --> 00:36:07.231
That's good.

00:36:08.094 --> 00:36:10.597
Yeah, okay, thank you for sharing that, joya.

00:36:10.597 --> 00:36:11.878
That's good.

00:36:11.878 --> 00:36:13.539
I think that's a lot of people.

00:36:13.539 --> 00:36:19.490
Um, I think a lot of people feel that way, like, uh, amir, do you, do you have?

00:36:19.490 --> 00:36:20.072
Do you resonate with?

00:36:21.753 --> 00:36:23.237
that at all Right now.

00:36:23.237 --> 00:36:26.161
I currently do enjoy what I do.

00:36:26.161 --> 00:36:43.396
However, I have had previous jobs where, as Joya said, it was that emptiness and that's why I pivoted into higher ed to kind of fill that emptiness, Because I have had previous experiences where it was just something lacking and I just wasn't passionate about the work.

00:36:43.396 --> 00:36:46.967
It may have paid the bills, but money is not always happiness.

00:36:46.967 --> 00:36:53.730
So being able to pivot into something that fills your heart but also, as Joy said, pays the bills as well, yeah.

00:36:54.170 --> 00:36:58.298
Yeah, Amir has had many former lives.

00:36:58.298 --> 00:37:04.677
Every month or so we find out another different type of job he's had.

00:37:04.677 --> 00:37:18.802
He's done so many different things, but I think it's been really cool watching him kind of find his niche.

00:37:18.961 --> 00:37:28.135
He's found his lane, amen, and I think that he, you know he, he knows he kind of found the direction that he wanted to head into.

00:37:28.135 --> 00:37:45.090
Amir, can you kind of talk about like what led you to like discovering, like okay, it's student affairs for me Like what, what helped you, cause Amir was previously like working in the medical industry, so like what helped you to make that transition?

00:37:46.753 --> 00:37:47.976
um, I like going in.

00:37:47.976 --> 00:37:51.610
I think, um, I didn't know what I want to do in life, I just knew I love leadership.

00:37:51.610 --> 00:37:59.873
So, as jacquita said, um, I worked on capitol hill, I did public policy, I did I was on a hockey team, I worked, uh, in sports.

00:37:59.873 --> 00:38:03.840
Um, I did fundraising during COVID.

00:38:04.461 --> 00:38:05.403
Hold on, hold on.

00:38:05.403 --> 00:38:13.394
You was in Washington DC, you was on a hockey team, you did fundraising, you did medicine.

00:38:13.394 --> 00:38:14.659
Who are you bro?

00:38:15.389 --> 00:38:25.579
Exactly, exactly what in the world he lived like five lives in one and it wasn't like oh yeah, I worked at McDonald's, then I worked at Wendy's.

00:38:25.579 --> 00:38:29.878
No, I was on Capitol Hill, I was telling surgeons what to do.

00:38:29.878 --> 00:38:34.876
I was leading a hockey team and now I'm in student affairs.

00:38:34.876 --> 00:38:37.710
It's like wait there we go.

00:38:39.235 --> 00:38:40.869
I was doing PPP loans during COVID.

00:38:49.777 --> 00:38:50.599
I was doing.

00:38:51.099 --> 00:38:52.201
PPP loans or COVID, that's wow.

00:38:52.201 --> 00:38:53.762
So student affairs like where?

00:38:53.762 --> 00:38:55.222
How did now in the world did you?

00:38:55.222 --> 00:38:57.204
How did you move to?

00:38:57.204 --> 00:38:58.146
From all that to there?

00:38:58.887 --> 00:38:59.530
Yes, yeah.

00:38:59.530 --> 00:39:01.036
So I had a really great mentor.

00:39:01.036 --> 00:39:04.998
So I'm part of SOB it's an organization that helps men of color all over the country.

00:39:04.998 --> 00:39:06.411
So I'm part of SAAB it's an organization that helps men of color all over the country.

00:39:06.411 --> 00:39:11.550
So he really instilled that passion of student affairs and he really saw that in me.

00:39:11.550 --> 00:39:14.458
So he said, amir, I think you really be good at student affairs.

00:39:14.458 --> 00:39:17.172
You're very personable, you love to see students succeed.

00:39:17.172 --> 00:39:18.657
I'm like, okay, okay.

00:39:18.657 --> 00:39:20.842
So I kind of tried my route.

00:39:20.842 --> 00:39:22.652
However, he was definitely correct.

00:39:23.373 --> 00:39:28.483
Student affairs was for me because I was able to give back to students, able to really be passionate about it.

00:39:28.483 --> 00:39:37.005
Student Affairs people are certain type of people, so like me and Dequita, very, very open, very bubbly, very communicative.

00:39:37.005 --> 00:39:38.974
So it was just who I was.

00:39:38.974 --> 00:39:43.123
So I was able to fit the job prescription with my personality and it fit perfectly.

00:39:43.123 --> 00:39:48.710
So I get to see students thrive, I get to create really great experiences and work with amazing people as well.

00:39:48.710 --> 00:39:50.434
So everything fit.

00:39:50.434 --> 00:39:57.981
And, as I said with Jaquita yesterday, sometimes when I say, jaquita, sometimes you're in the, you're trying to play every position, but you're in the wrong game.

00:39:58.590 --> 00:40:03.920
So being able to yes, that was good Amir, he was talking about Amir, go ahead, tell the story.

00:40:03.920 --> 00:40:05.143
Amir, go ahead, tell the story.

00:40:10.891 --> 00:40:13.481
Yeah, so another part of my life.

00:40:13.481 --> 00:40:15.269
I did play football in seventh or eighth grade.

00:40:15.269 --> 00:40:25.893
However, they tried to put me as like a receiver and on the line and all these different positions, but none of the positions worked for me and I'm actually a tennis player, so I was trying to make every position on football work, but it just wasn't a game for me, and I'm actually a tennis player, so I was trying to make every position on football work, but it just wasn't a game for me.

00:40:25.893 --> 00:40:29.521
So sometimes you just got to find your lane and maximize your time.

00:40:30.730 --> 00:40:43.619
Yeah, it's not that you're not good, it's that you're in the wrong game, you know, and so, like you're trying to find a position in a game you're not supposed to be in, and then you know, and so I thought that was real insightful when he said that.

00:40:43.619 --> 00:40:45.302
Thank you, mia, I forgot about that.

00:40:45.804 --> 00:41:16.273
I meant to write that down life Because, like we were saying earlier, when you're starting your career there is a particular essence or who you want to show, but as you get into your career there's some comfortability that comes out.

00:41:16.273 --> 00:41:18.621
You start getting relaxed.

00:41:18.621 --> 00:41:22.070
So you have to navigate that professional and personal life.

00:41:22.070 --> 00:41:26.570
Amir, with all the jobs you've had, how have you done that?

00:41:27.753 --> 00:41:29.976
Well, it's definitely been intentional.

00:41:29.976 --> 00:41:34.724
So, as you see, in my personal life I do a lot.

00:41:34.724 --> 00:41:42.853
I walk in the mornings, I like to travel, I do a whole lot in my personal life and it's sacred to me.

00:41:42.853 --> 00:41:53.237
But I think it has been, it has been challenging different ways in the in the Southern culture from Ohio, so up North but um and down South, is very relational.

00:41:53.237 --> 00:42:04.679
It's very personal and sometimes when you you hide parts of yourself, it can come off as he doesn't like me or he, you know, he, he, he, he doesn't want to be friends with me or he doesn't want to be close to me.

00:42:04.679 --> 00:42:07.798
So that was a learning barrier that I had to have.

00:42:07.880 --> 00:42:14.851
So, through my personal life, I do set boundaries, such as like okay, I don't want you to follow me on Instagram at work, and different things.

00:42:14.851 --> 00:42:20.322
But I have found, as I progressed in my job, being more open and sharing more things.

00:42:20.322 --> 00:42:27.623
That's why Jaquita says every other month, they find something new about me, because it just takes time for me to kind of share out.

00:42:27.623 --> 00:42:38.179
And sometimes Jaquita gets home and sometimes our meeting, we're having some personal moments and then she's like don't mirror me, because sometimes I'm like all right, let's talk about contracts, don't talk about budgets.

00:42:38.179 --> 00:42:46.393
So also like setting that boundary and kind of learning what you want to keep sacred to yourself, but also what are you comfortable with sharing.

00:42:46.393 --> 00:42:57.612
So there's always also a balance and also you don't want to get too comfortable because, especially being a black male in the space, um, that that can cause, uh, certain concerns or issues.

00:42:57.612 --> 00:43:06.306
So trying to find that that balance is definitely work yes, it's hard man so hard?

00:43:07.793 --> 00:43:19.911
Do you find that there are parts of who you are that like certain habits or certain traits about who you are?

00:43:19.911 --> 00:43:25.233
Do you see, or what traits or what habits do you see that bleed into both, like you know?

00:43:25.233 --> 00:43:30.278
Do you see, or what traits or what habits do you see that bleed into both, like you know, work in work life and outside of work life?

00:43:30.278 --> 00:43:30.780
Like what?

00:43:30.780 --> 00:43:31.340
What are some?

00:43:31.340 --> 00:43:32.871
Very like a mirror?

00:43:32.871 --> 00:43:34.356
This is a mirror in both.

00:43:34.356 --> 00:43:42.041
Maybe they're positive or maybe they're negative, but like what are some traits that people would notice and be able to see in both worlds?

00:43:48.492 --> 00:43:50.918
would notice and be able to see in both worlds.

00:43:50.918 --> 00:43:54.907
I think I can't hide my humor at times or being sarcastic, even though I tried to hide that person going to the work.

00:43:54.907 --> 00:43:55.208
I just can't.

00:43:55.208 --> 00:44:00.179
So, for example, first day it's called lunch club, so everyone comes together.

00:44:00.179 --> 00:44:01.001
It's like a potluck.

00:44:01.541 --> 00:44:03.757
So, for example, someone it's not like a potluck.

00:44:03.777 --> 00:44:13.778
I'm here Like well, you got different cultures, like cultures like some might bring, you know, the mashed potatoes with the peas on it and raisins, and it's interesting, um, it's an interesting setup.

00:44:13.778 --> 00:44:18.695
So, um, my very first day they didn't tell me that, um, they eat together.

00:44:18.695 --> 00:44:23.052
So I'm like, okay, um, it's my first day at the job, I got my little meal.

00:44:23.052 --> 00:44:26.599
I'm gonna go back to my, to my office and kind of have a meal.

00:44:26.599 --> 00:44:28.650
But we're all in this space and they're like Amir, what did you bring?

00:44:28.650 --> 00:44:33.838
I'm like, you know, I'm about to warm up this brat sausage and my personal meal and go back to my office.

00:44:33.838 --> 00:44:36.119
It's like, no, this is going to be a group meal.

00:44:36.119 --> 00:44:43.820
So, jaquita and another staff member, they laughed at me because, like I said, I just started the job Funds weren't high.

00:44:43.820 --> 00:44:46.045
I think I had a brat sausage and like a banana.

00:44:46.045 --> 00:44:49.780
So that's where they kind of see some of my personality come out.

00:44:49.780 --> 00:44:51.916
So I think that's something I cannot hide.

00:44:51.916 --> 00:44:56.030
It's like my humor, my sarcasm and just kind of how I operate as myself.

00:44:56.210 --> 00:45:00.061
Yes, Did you share your sausage and your banana?

00:45:00.909 --> 00:45:05.771
So Jaquita has a great boss and the colleagues she added.

00:45:05.771 --> 00:45:10.956
I think they had an extra piece of bread and some other things to add on to my lunch, so it would have been a complete lunch.

00:45:12.179 --> 00:45:13.851
Y'all Get some popcorn.

00:45:13.851 --> 00:45:15.376
That precious lamb.

00:45:15.376 --> 00:45:16.721
I thought he was gone.

00:45:16.721 --> 00:45:20.735
I said, oh, let me see if I can get him something.

00:45:20.735 --> 00:45:23.518
One thing I'll do in the office is feed somebody.

00:45:23.518 --> 00:45:28.952
I'll be trying to find food for people, but Amir y'all.

00:45:28.952 --> 00:45:32.742
Just to reiterate the point, Amir is one of the funniest people I know.

00:45:32.742 --> 00:45:38.623
Okay, Amir is hilarious to me especially.

00:45:38.623 --> 00:45:44.802
But yeah, I can definitely see how that plays in both areas of your life.

00:45:44.802 --> 00:45:46.375
You can't hide that, Amir.

00:45:46.375 --> 00:45:50.175
You should lead with it, in fact, Lead with that.

00:45:52.289 --> 00:45:54.295
Sometimes it's just going to bleed in either way.

00:45:54.295 --> 00:45:56.181
What about I'm sorry?

00:45:56.181 --> 00:45:57.762
No, you say it.

00:45:57.762 --> 00:45:58.469
What were you going to say, ruth?

00:45:58.469 --> 00:45:59.594
I was going to say what about you, Joya?

00:46:00.552 --> 00:46:03.621
Are there things about your personal?

00:46:03.621 --> 00:46:28.391
Are there traits or characteristics, or just habits that you see are similar in both the personal and professional world, that you know either positive or negative, right Like that, you that are just going to be the same going to be the same.

00:46:28.452 --> 00:46:38.378
I would say the main one would probably be my facial features communicate before my words and I'm learning to control them Because in the wrong, different setting it might not be appropriate.

00:46:38.378 --> 00:46:46.873
But if I hear something that's not like up here and it should be, my face is going to tell you I'm not going to say it, but it's going to tell you.

00:46:46.873 --> 00:46:48.356
Um, so that's one thing.

00:46:48.356 --> 00:46:56.911
So I can be quiet, like in my personal professional, I can be sitting there and I'll hear something, but, like, my face will tell you what I'm thinking.

00:46:56.911 --> 00:46:59.313
Um, so it's been positive and negative.

00:46:59.313 --> 00:47:08.925
And I guess the other thing would be definitely opening up the more you get to know me, because I will again.

00:47:08.925 --> 00:47:18.445
I will sit there and I will look at you, I'll be paying attention and I want to be in your company, but you won't be able to tell Nope.

00:47:21.130 --> 00:47:29.449
Wait, hold on, wait, hold on.

00:47:29.449 --> 00:47:30.311
He's like complete opposite.

00:47:30.331 --> 00:47:32.673
Your face is telling you everything but words aren't coming out.

00:47:32.673 --> 00:47:45.889
It's like, it's like I, I like company, I like people, but it's just always been this type of I don't know my face it's gonna.

00:47:45.889 --> 00:48:02.987
I don't say I have a mean mugging, but if something's confusing, I'm looking at you like okay, I'm just saying, okay, I'm just processing, I process on my face, my face processes.

00:48:02.987 --> 00:48:06.134
So it's like it comes up because I'm reserved at first, processing I process on my face, my face processes.

00:48:06.134 --> 00:48:21.233
So it's like it comes up because I'm reserved at first, and then when I start wiggling, my face shows up a lot more and then now it'll be followed by words, not just facial features.

00:48:21.253 --> 00:48:22.534
Yeah, that's what I get.

00:48:22.534 --> 00:48:27.740
It goes from what would you say at first, your reserve to a wiggle to words.

00:48:27.740 --> 00:48:34.215
Is that it yes, got it, Got it, okay, all right, I can attest this to be true.

00:48:34.215 --> 00:48:44.025
I've seen this process work itself out over time with Joya, from nothing to the, you know, the wiggle Right.

00:48:44.025 --> 00:48:45.273
That's so funny To.

00:48:45.293 --> 00:48:47.139
Right To the words.

00:48:47.791 --> 00:48:49.619
The wiggle is hilarious.

00:48:49.869 --> 00:48:55.103
So how do you, I guess, cut down the wiggle time to get to the words?

00:48:55.103 --> 00:49:07.293
I mean, this is something because you can't, you won't always have enough time Like you want to get to the words quicker, right?

00:49:07.293 --> 00:49:13.594
Is that something a goal of yours, like in a professional sense, either way, professional or personal?

00:49:14.077 --> 00:49:19.532
personal, if you don't get past the wiggle, then you're probably not supposed to be in the first, like in the.

00:49:19.532 --> 00:49:26.264
It's just you know and I think it's because I'm an observer that my facial features say it first.

00:49:26.264 --> 00:49:32.262
So if you can't make it past the observation phase, in my personal you're not supposed to.

00:49:32.262 --> 00:50:27.902
Let's just be honest If it takes a long time for you to get past the wiggle, it means I'm still processing and it's like, ok, I don't know what it is, but I can't let you get this far in the personal or this deep in the words, like I'm not going to just be giving away all this good stuff up here yeah professional, professional are you still, you can't still be working on it say working on it, but, um, there is room for, there's opportunity for improvement, um, like with supervisors and things like that, because I have a different professionals, like people in my, my professional spaces to me.

00:50:28.550 --> 00:50:31.059
They shouldn't know that that much about me personally, that's just me.

00:50:31.059 --> 00:50:34.400
Cause it's like I don't want any blurred lines.

00:50:34.400 --> 00:50:41.019
I don't want like I don't want to be into anything or that somebody took it the wrong way, so you don't know anything.

00:50:41.019 --> 00:50:46.539
You know what I tell you, which is cause I have like a list of things like, okay, people just need to know.

00:50:46.539 --> 00:50:49.043
And I actually am getting over that.

00:50:49.043 --> 00:51:02.074
It's like I'm becoming more of an open book, not being like exposing myself, but being a little bit more transparent and like, okay, they need to know who they're working with, so they, you know they won't be scared in case something happened.

00:51:02.074 --> 00:51:12.362
They're like, okay, I can be in the same room with Joy and not feel any type of way, and that's like I want everybody to be able to like hey, joy, I need some help with this, can you do this for me?

00:51:12.362 --> 00:51:14.297
And they'd be comfortable with that.

00:51:14.297 --> 00:51:31.072
But I'm still learning that I haven't been in the professional arena for that long professional arena for that long you know.

00:51:31.092 --> 00:51:34.400
Yeah, ruth, I'm interested in how we as middle adults answer this question and if there is, if there cause.

00:51:34.400 --> 00:51:39.795
I think I have a different perspective as a middle adult, but I'm interested in hearing yours too.

00:51:40.516 --> 00:51:46.023
Well, yeah, I think it is different because I'm sitting here being like I don't.

00:51:46.023 --> 00:52:00.661
I just, I think, being in this space for however long we've been professionals, I don't know, whatever, it is A while it's been a minute, but I don't know that there is a separation.

00:52:01.041 --> 00:52:01.322
I don't.

00:52:01.322 --> 00:52:03.655
I think at some point it's.

00:52:03.655 --> 00:52:08.773
You can, at the beginning of anything, right, it's a lot more distinction.

00:52:08.773 --> 00:52:37.617
But when you start moving and like it becomes a part of who you are everywhere, and so I was I was literally just thinking like, um, when I think about and I I know we want to get into this and I'm not saying this because I want you to say what you're going to say but I'm gonna use this as my example for me when it comes to, uh, money, right, when it comes to money in my, like, one of the responsibilities I've had since I've started in the space I'm in is building a budget.

00:52:38.230 --> 00:52:53.179
When I wasn't building a budget personally, I didn't have a real concept of how to do that in my job, and I mean, I did what was told, I did what they told me to do, but I didn't know how to think about it.

00:52:53.179 --> 00:52:56.034
I didn't know how to really maneuver it.

00:52:56.034 --> 00:52:59.210
I wasn't really sure what to do with it After I started living a little bit.

00:52:59.210 --> 00:53:01.056
So it showed in how I was.

00:53:01.056 --> 00:53:04.204
I really wasn't paying attention, right, so I'm just spending stuff.

00:53:04.204 --> 00:53:28.480
I'm spending, I'm spending, I'm not really paying attention, and so, as I'm, you know, in my personal life, as I started to get better with money, I started getting better with money in my work and that also then added more value to how I was working and gave me opportunities to have more responsibility because I understood something different because of how I was working and gave me opportunities to have more responsibility because I understood something different because of how I was personally.

00:53:28.480 --> 00:53:30.282
And that's just one example.

00:53:30.282 --> 00:53:41.673
I think, relationally, the better I've got being at relationships personally, I got better at being in the professional world and so on and so forth.

00:53:41.673 --> 00:53:59.653
But I think that once you start living in both worlds longer, I don't think you can really effectively separate the two, because you, everything that you are doing outside of work, is going to bleed in at some point like the good, the bad and the ugly.

00:54:00.536 --> 00:54:02.440
And so at this point I just take the approach.

00:54:02.440 --> 00:54:08.398
I even you know, you know, know, joy, I don't know if um, I we've had so many different conversations at work but I I don't.

00:54:08.398 --> 00:54:17.282
I take the approach now where it's like let's just, let's just be that like, I want you to be um at work.

00:54:17.282 --> 00:54:21.423
I don't want you to sit here and try to be a sliver of yourself, because that won't last.

00:54:21.423 --> 00:54:41.735
Let's come to the table with everything, put it on the table, and my job is to create an environment where you feel safe enough to be everything about you, um, so that you, so that we don't have to, so that we can all grow Right and so we don't have to pretend, because you know, keeping that up it's just not going to.

00:54:41.775 --> 00:54:44.340
Like you said, joya, your face is what it is Like.

00:54:44.340 --> 00:54:54.811
So if I know that about you, though, right, if I know that, and I know, hey, this just Joya, I don't then have to interpret, I don't have to wonder.

00:54:54.811 --> 00:54:59.501
She wants to be here because I already shared hey, y'all, like, this is how I am.

00:54:59.501 --> 00:55:17.193
I'm just kind of like this everywhere my face be talking before me, and I just want to let you know that you know what I mean Like, and just kind of having that kind of openness when, when you're in the, at the workplace, I think is healthy.

00:55:17.213 --> 00:55:18.396
At this point, I just I don't know what do you think I?

00:55:18.396 --> 00:55:29.952
So, immediately I was like the vulnerability that leadership requires will not allow for for you to have multiple versions of yourself.

00:55:29.952 --> 00:56:17.295
You know, like, and I think that like as you, because, as leadership is really servanthood, it is I am offering myself up to you as a, as a, as a, as a vessel Sorry, I was trying to think of a non-churchy term, I really was but as a vessel to help move you along in your journey, and the only thing I have are the thing that I have the most to offer is my experience, is my perspective, is my truth, is me, and so I am constantly giving all of me, not a professional me, not a hey guys, all right, we're going to blah, blah, blah, blah, but I'm giving all of me and I have to draw from all of my experiences.

00:56:17.617 --> 00:56:24.233
I have to draw from my personal experiences, I have to draw from my professional experiences, I have to draw from my faith.

00:56:24.233 --> 00:57:05.166
I have to, you know, even if I can be the non compartmentalized version of myself and I think that that's something I would definitely say you learn to do that there's still boundaries, of course, but there's boundaries with intentionality, because there's a difference between boundaries that protect yourself and boundaries that are purposed to protect everybody.

00:57:05.166 --> 00:57:10.382
So when I create boundaries, my boundaries are not just y'all can't touch this area of my life.

00:57:10.382 --> 00:57:17.123
My boundaries are for the sake of what you need from me and for what I have to give.

00:57:17.123 --> 00:57:24.257
I have to create this line right For the sake of who I have to be in this place.

00:57:24.820 --> 00:57:30.958
I have to create lines Right, but it's not, it's not, it's not a, there's not a.

00:57:30.958 --> 00:57:33.623
There's not a personal and a professional Jaquita.

00:57:33.623 --> 00:57:41.184
There is a Jaquita that shows up wherever she goes and gives whatever she's called to give in that setting.

00:57:41.184 --> 00:57:45.250
But I also think, ruth, you were saying something that sparked something.

00:57:45.250 --> 00:57:46.634
What was the last point you made?

00:57:48.077 --> 00:57:49.713
Yeah, I have no idea Okay.

00:57:50.239 --> 00:57:58.554
Welcome to the Middle Adult Talks, where we two middle adults can't remember what we said two minutes ago or what we was about to say.

00:57:58.554 --> 00:58:00.494
All right, this is real Joy.

00:58:00.494 --> 00:58:01.277
Keep us in.

00:58:01.277 --> 00:58:02.291
The people need to know.

00:58:02.291 --> 00:58:07.695
Amir and joya need to know where they're headed and the people need to know that we be.

00:58:07.715 --> 00:58:17.480
look at joy, joy, be so frustrated with us, um this is the face I have behind the camera every time something real quick, real quick.

00:58:18.041 --> 00:58:20.474
Um, you said something about not knowing how to.

00:58:20.474 --> 00:58:21.817
Well, there's no separate.

00:58:21.817 --> 00:58:24.304
My thing, my thing is, and y'all can help me.

00:58:24.304 --> 00:58:31.239
I don't like people in my business and it's like I don't know what.

00:58:31.239 --> 00:58:33.382
How do I know what?

00:58:33.382 --> 00:58:38.177
It's like they need to know this, or I mean, how do I say it?

00:58:38.177 --> 00:58:44.423
I don't like people to know everything or know personal things about me, cause it's like if this don't last, then know everything or know personal things about me.

00:58:44.423 --> 00:58:49.668
Because it's like if this don't last, then you just got all this information about me and it's like it's weird.

00:58:50.393 --> 00:58:55.811
It's weird to me before y'all respond Amir, do you feel that same way?

00:58:58.014 --> 00:59:01.128
yes, I Amir been nodding the whole time.

00:59:01.128 --> 00:59:03.938
Amir been like, yes, I don't want nobody nothing.

00:59:03.938 --> 00:59:04.085
Yes, I keep both separate.

00:59:04.085 --> 00:59:04.391
However, it You've been nodding the whole time.

00:59:04.391 --> 00:59:05.277
You've been like, yes, I don't want nobody to know nothing.

00:59:06.862 --> 00:59:08.574
I keep both separate.

00:59:08.574 --> 00:59:10.713
However, it is time for a bleed in.

00:59:10.713 --> 00:59:20.355
But I'm very intentional in the workspace who I share with, I even put people on a test run sometimes to see okay, I'm going to tell you this and let me see.

00:59:20.355 --> 00:59:27.318
Let me see where your spirit is and that's how our relationship has been tested.

00:59:27.318 --> 00:59:34.282
Jaquita, you're very great, so you want to know.

00:59:34.543 --> 00:59:35.204
I've been tested.

00:59:35.204 --> 00:59:37.516
I was tested.

00:59:37.516 --> 00:59:40.452
I hope I pass, but hold on.

00:59:40.452 --> 00:59:41.315
That just reminded me.

00:59:41.315 --> 00:59:42.519
I hate to cut in real quick.

00:59:42.519 --> 00:59:51.543
That just reminded me of the point I was about to make and it might answer Joya's question is when I think that it is important for people.

00:59:51.543 --> 00:59:54.177
It is not important to tell everybody your business.

00:59:54.177 --> 00:59:56.197
That is not what we're advocating for.

00:59:56.197 --> 01:00:39.581
There is a difference between being private and being we're not asking for like full transparency, but there is a level of vulnerability as you grow that's necessary in order for the right people to be able to help, and so the point that I was going to make earlier is is that if we never, sometimes, as we are leading, we are having to fish out what it is that we are trying to help you guys with, like what it is that we're trying to pour, what it is that we're trying to develop, because you're trying to put on this perfect face or you're trying to put on this super professional face Right, and sometimes it can block you from getting what you need.

01:00:39.581 --> 01:00:48.744
And what you learn as you grow older is how to be discerning about what moments do I need to open up so that I can let people in.

01:00:49.250 --> 01:00:50.213
I know for Amir.

01:00:50.213 --> 01:00:52.159
I was just telling somebody the story the other day.

01:00:52.159 --> 01:00:55.840
Amir is never forthright with how he feels about things.

01:00:55.840 --> 01:00:57.514
He doesn't one.

01:00:57.514 --> 01:00:59.139
He tries to protect other people.

01:00:59.139 --> 01:01:06.436
When other people tick him off, he tries to protect them by not running to me and telling Because he knows I'm going to be like well, let me Right.

01:01:06.436 --> 01:01:10.153
So he, he tries to.

01:01:10.153 --> 01:01:11.539
He tries to protect other people.

01:01:11.539 --> 01:01:16.820
Amir also tries to handle stuff on his own until he feels like he gets to a point where he can't.

01:01:16.820 --> 01:01:20.378
I had to learn Amir will not come and tell me how he feels about stuff.

01:01:20.378 --> 01:01:23.239
One day Amir knows exactly what day I'm about to talk about.

01:01:23.239 --> 01:01:24.539
One day Amir knows exactly what day I'm about to talk about.

01:01:24.559 --> 01:01:28.583
One day Amir asked me five times how I was doing, literally five times.

01:01:28.583 --> 01:01:29.304
I saw.

01:01:29.304 --> 01:01:31.985
Every time I saw Amir in the hallway he was like hey, how you doing?

01:01:31.985 --> 01:01:34.250
I was like Amir, I'm good, thank you for asking.

01:01:34.250 --> 01:01:35.251
Saw him again.

01:01:35.251 --> 01:01:36.552
He was like hey, how you doing?

01:01:36.552 --> 01:01:39.876
I was like Amir, I'm great, thank you for asking.

01:01:40.097 --> 01:01:41.998
He came to my office, just stood in my doorway.

01:01:41.998 --> 01:01:43.541
He said hey, jaquita, how you doing?

01:01:43.541 --> 01:01:45.543
And finally I turned and looked at him.

01:01:45.543 --> 01:01:47.364
I said Amir, how are you?

01:01:47.364 --> 01:01:48.947
He said well, actually.

01:01:48.947 --> 01:01:57.860
Well, actually, I have some concerns, I'm a little upset about something you know.

01:01:57.922 --> 01:02:01.496
And then he started, like briefly describing the incident.

01:02:01.496 --> 01:02:11.150
I'm like, wait a minute, come in, shut the door, sit down, let's talk about it, right, but I one, I had to work because he wasn't being forthright in the moment.

01:02:11.150 --> 01:02:14.090
I had to work to figure out his cues, like.

01:02:14.090 --> 01:02:17.853
So now I know, if Amir ever asked me how I'm doing, I'm like Amir, wait a minute, wait a minute.

01:02:17.853 --> 01:02:21.336
If he ever asked me twice, that's Amir's opening line is how you doing?

01:02:21.336 --> 01:02:25.860
So that's why I didn't take it at first, right, but I had to learn his cues.

01:02:26.262 --> 01:02:41.135
And then I had to get him to a place of vulnerability Tell me what's going on, right, because sometimes, when you hold stuff, I can't help you if you hold it, I can't help you if you mask it.

01:02:41.135 --> 01:02:59.431
And so there has to be a level of trust where Amir says I can go to Jaquita with this and I can trust that it's going to be handled discreetly, without messing up my reputation or my name, and I can trust that she's going to help me to navigate the situation in a way that's going to help me get to a solution.

01:02:59.431 --> 01:03:09.293
But you, I think you, you, you take the mask off as you trust and as you discern that this is a moment I need to do it in, and sometimes it's.

01:03:09.293 --> 01:03:18.063
It's a moment where you need assistance, and sometimes it's going to be moments where you have to assist somebody else and you're going to have to decide.

01:03:18.063 --> 01:03:20.213
I'm going to have to be open and vulnerable.

01:03:20.213 --> 01:03:32.369
The only way I can help them is by telling them my truth, and the only way I can tell my truth is if I break down some of my walls and allow them in so that they can receive from me.

01:03:32.690 --> 01:03:34.054
And so I think again.

01:03:34.054 --> 01:03:35.036
You can ask a mirror.

01:03:35.036 --> 01:03:36.519
I ain't open with everybody.

01:03:36.519 --> 01:03:38.952
Everybody in the office don't have access.

01:03:38.952 --> 01:03:41.074
You can ask the people I mentor.

01:03:41.074 --> 01:03:51.346
I let them know this is a privileged space, right, like I'm not, I'm not, I'm not out here with my business everywhere.

01:03:51.346 --> 01:03:55.181
Right, but to those who the Lord allows, amen.

01:03:55.181 --> 01:04:00.742
And to those to whom I'm called and assigned to and into the spaces that I'm called to walk in.

01:04:00.742 --> 01:04:13.315
Because even for me, as a, as a motivational speaker, as a whatever, as a preacher, wherever, whatever stage God puts me on, I don't get to dictate what he what he, what he requires of me in that moment.

01:04:13.315 --> 01:04:19.313
But I know that if God is requiring it and if God has opened the door, then I'm protected.

01:04:19.313 --> 01:04:23.483
And you have to trust the Lord's protection as you open up and pour out.

01:04:23.483 --> 01:04:26.460
And I'm sorry for being so long winded, but those are my thoughts.

01:04:27.532 --> 01:04:30.141
Can I give this kind of illustration?

01:04:30.141 --> 01:04:34.820
I was just talking about the difference between transparency and vulnerability the other day.

01:04:34.820 --> 01:04:41.621
I think those two words get conflated and get intertwined.

01:04:41.621 --> 01:04:42.543
They're very different.

01:04:42.543 --> 01:04:52.780
And so, to your point, joy, no transparency would be the idea of telling people your business, and that is not something that is necessary in both professional and personal.

01:04:52.780 --> 01:04:54.304
You'd be very, very selective in that.

01:04:55.070 --> 01:04:56.313
Transparency is like a window.

01:04:56.313 --> 01:04:59.762
If you have a window, you can see through it.

01:04:59.762 --> 01:05:01.632
Right, transparency is your window.

01:05:01.632 --> 01:05:05.101
You are free to shut your blinds at any point.

01:05:05.101 --> 01:05:09.038
That is what you're supposed to do or you can open them, but understand that.

01:05:09.038 --> 01:05:10.362
That's what transparency is.

01:05:10.769 --> 01:05:14.139
Think of transparency as a window and think about vulnerability as a door.

01:05:14.139 --> 01:05:20.014
That is something you have to intentionally open and let people in, right?

01:05:20.014 --> 01:05:29.967
But you know so that and that is the idea of vulnerability is you open the door so that it is a risk?

01:05:29.967 --> 01:05:31.914
Right, there's a risk to it.

01:05:31.914 --> 01:05:36.775
You open the door and you let people in, but it's very intentional versus your window.

01:05:36.775 --> 01:05:42.739
Is your window, right, I'm going to let people see it or not, like you know you, this is what people can see.

01:05:42.739 --> 01:05:43.681
This is what they can't see.

01:05:43.681 --> 01:05:45.251
This is what I'm going to allow them to see.

01:05:45.251 --> 01:05:45.650
See this one.

01:05:45.650 --> 01:05:46.711
I'm going to allow them to see moments.

01:05:46.711 --> 01:06:16.695
Vulnerability is crucial because you won't grow unless you are willing to open your door and allow other people to come in and do whatever is necessary.

01:06:16.695 --> 01:06:19.295
But it doesn't mean that your window has to be open.

01:06:19.295 --> 01:06:22.197
No, it doesn't mean that.

01:06:22.197 --> 01:06:25.538
That's how I like to think about it, abigail.

01:06:25.538 --> 01:06:25.983
That was doesn't mean that, right?

01:06:25.934 --> 01:06:27.795
So that's how I think about it, abigail, that was good.

01:06:28.096 --> 01:06:28.498
Loved it?

01:06:28.498 --> 01:06:31.159
Well, yeah, did I answer your question?

01:06:34.411 --> 01:06:57.835
yes, I love it um so kind of in that same vein, um of the boundaries, um, how would y'all say you work on yourself, how has your self-care changed?

01:06:57.835 --> 01:07:13.990
Or, like for amir and joya, how have y'all been working on your self-care to maintain that balance of who you are, um professionally versus personally, so that you can have a good mindset going into work?

01:07:13.990 --> 01:07:16.974
Like, how do y'all navigate that field?

01:07:28.445 --> 01:07:28.846
Perfect.

01:07:28.846 --> 01:07:30.471
So I working out is very big for me.

01:07:30.471 --> 01:07:33.699
So I take a lot of time in the morning to do runs, jogs, make sure my health and my wealth is there.

01:07:33.699 --> 01:07:37.371
So I go into office, I'm clear-minded and I feel great.

01:07:37.371 --> 01:07:38.333
So that's one thing.

01:07:38.333 --> 01:07:40.068
Definitely finding my people.

01:07:40.068 --> 01:07:48.498
So through these tests I have different individuals in the office that I can close the door on, I can laugh and I can be myself.

01:07:49.400 --> 01:07:57.150
So definitely finding my people that I can tell how I'm feeling, laugh, kind of be in that spirit.

01:07:57.150 --> 01:08:01.775
Other things, of course, is just staying grounded, daily reflection.

01:08:01.775 --> 01:08:03.876
So what did make me mad that day?

01:08:03.876 --> 01:08:04.717
What made me happy?

01:08:04.717 --> 01:08:05.637
What did I learn today?

01:08:05.637 --> 01:08:07.018
How can I grow from that?

01:08:07.018 --> 01:08:13.164
So daily reflection and just giving myself grace and find that time to kind of breathe at times.

01:08:13.164 --> 01:08:19.158
So even if I need to tell you, hey, I need a day off, like I'm not feeling so well, things are not right, things are going on.

01:08:19.158 --> 01:08:23.648
So just kind of having that holistic well-being in those different parts of my life.

01:08:23.648 --> 01:08:30.935
So just constantly be intentional of where my spirit is, how I'm feeling, what's going on around me and find out how I can navigate as a mirror.

01:08:31.925 --> 01:08:36.712
Yes, I would like to advocate sick days aren't just for when you're sick, all right.

01:08:36.712 --> 01:08:39.958
Also, we like to advocate sick days aren't just for when you're sick.

01:08:40.460 --> 01:08:40.800
All right.

01:08:40.800 --> 01:08:47.082
Also, it's a mental health day Take it when you need it, and that's from a pharmacist, so admit something.

01:08:52.057 --> 01:08:52.860
It did to me yeah.

01:09:03.664 --> 01:09:04.207
What about you, joya?

01:09:04.207 --> 01:09:05.451
How have you worked through your self-care journey?

01:09:05.451 --> 01:09:16.792
Well, I think that, like Amir said, I've recently got into going to the gym, things like that, and it's actually seeing the relationship between gym, gym life or gym working out and my personal professional was really amazing how much it relates and I think that's really been helping me.

01:09:16.792 --> 01:09:22.652
Amazing how much it relates and I think that's really been helping me.

01:09:22.652 --> 01:09:31.675
And also just taking time, making sure I carve out time in my day either at the beginning to get in my word and carve out time at the end of my day to read my book or listen to my audio book and crochet.

01:09:31.675 --> 01:09:42.631
I do what I know helps me to be relaxed or to keep my brain to like cool off so that I'm not I'm not tossing and turning, thinking about the day.

01:09:43.032 --> 01:09:54.318
You know it's like and and learning how to, I guess, leave professional like, leave work at work or leave school at school.

01:09:54.318 --> 01:09:58.770
It's like at this time, like at this point in this hour.

01:09:58.770 --> 01:10:04.779
This is me giving myself time so that I can give my best in other areas.

01:10:04.779 --> 01:10:09.617
And, like you said, walking like physical activity really does help.

01:10:09.617 --> 01:10:14.515
If I had a bad day at work and somebody just made me so upset.

01:10:14.515 --> 01:10:20.309
It's just like I can't hit you but I can't do this punching bag, you know.

01:10:20.309 --> 01:10:32.045
I'm saying I can't run this this five mile or whatever, and and get my anger out that way or get this frustration like pump out this adrenaline some other kind of way, so that I can't.

01:10:32.045 --> 01:10:37.774
When I come back it's like oh, it's fine, you're no, we're good, we're good, you know.

01:10:38.917 --> 01:10:39.738
I totally get that.

01:10:39.738 --> 01:10:46.597
I, they know I've been in my health um health journey too and I've been working out more and stuff like that.

01:10:46.597 --> 01:11:16.372
So for me, like you were saying, joya, it's the clearing out what happened during the day and being able to like focus in on yourself, like and that's a part of the workout too it's though it's a physical workout, it's also definitely a mental workout at the end of just clearing out the things of the day and focusing more on yourself and what you need and then also just getting that frustration energy out on that bag on whoever needed it.

01:11:16.412 --> 01:11:22.121
That day Queda, we have to step our game up.

01:11:22.545 --> 01:11:27.594
I was just about to ask Amir how many miles you be running to get your frustration out.

01:11:27.594 --> 01:11:32.011
I need to know how much frustration you got, because Joya said five miles.

01:11:32.070 --> 01:11:34.846
I was like my Lord, that is not literal.

01:11:34.846 --> 01:11:37.408
That was not literal, okay, I got you.

01:11:37.951 --> 01:11:41.395
I was like y'all didn't upset this baby Somebody.

01:11:45.988 --> 01:11:47.314
I can walk five miles.

01:11:47.314 --> 01:11:55.956
I can, yeah, but running Not yet Give me some more time.

01:11:55.975 --> 01:11:56.618
That's funny.

01:11:56.618 --> 01:12:04.134
I think you know, ruth abigail, to your question or to your statement that we need to step our game up, absolutely.

01:12:04.134 --> 01:12:08.975
I'm listening to them and I'm like, oh, working out does all of that maybe.

01:12:08.975 --> 01:12:12.364
Maybe I need to try it a little bit more intentionally.

01:12:12.364 --> 01:12:35.302
But I think I also think I was just gonna say I think that, like you have to get past the initial you know pain and distress of working out to get the benefits, and I feel like I was at that point, like I do get to that point, but sometimes I drop it, just like we drop our self-care habits.

01:12:35.363 --> 01:12:44.850
Sometimes, you know, like in favor of hey, I got 10 million other things that I'm serving, that I'm giving whatever, whatever, but like it is important.

01:12:44.850 --> 01:12:52.613
Like thank y'all for reminding me, and probably a lot of middle adults who've been making that you know that monthly donation to a gym.

01:12:52.613 --> 01:13:03.943
You know that we ain't been attending but we still got the membership'm talking to you planet fitness members y'all sign up for that ten dollar deal and then we don't go.

01:13:03.943 --> 01:13:19.033
I understand, you know, but like really reminding us of the benefits of it, because you do need a release somewhere somehow so that's good you do, you do self when it comes to self-care.

01:13:19.153 --> 01:13:20.194
What are some other?

01:13:20.194 --> 01:13:23.277
I know, joya, you mentioned something earlier.

01:13:23.277 --> 01:13:27.542
You want to kind of like lean into around finances and self-care.

01:13:27.542 --> 01:13:30.067
How do those things connect for?

01:13:30.087 --> 01:13:32.288
you.

01:13:32.288 --> 01:13:45.038
I think my boyfriend has helped me out a lot with this and making sure that if I ain't got it, I don't buy it.

01:13:45.038 --> 01:13:49.761
And so my thing is I'd be like, oh, I'm going to have it later.

01:13:49.761 --> 01:14:00.770
So I'm doing a credit card thing with the debit card.

01:14:00.770 --> 01:14:01.734
It's like wait, you know, it's like anyway.

01:14:01.734 --> 01:14:14.646
So he's really taught me about, like, reserving myself so that when I do decide to go out to eat, I ain't got to worry about budget because I know that I've used my money for what I need it to be used for, so that when I do it, there's no guilt around it.

01:14:15.167 --> 01:14:30.822
And taking that I think somebody said in the last podcast about it was that having that set aside like okay in my brain because I hate, like I like shopping but I hate spending money.

01:14:30.822 --> 01:14:38.114
So it's like having in my brain, okay, I'm going to spend this amount today, I'm setting this money aside so that I can spend it.

01:14:38.114 --> 01:14:44.170
My dad says it all the time Savings is still your money, it's just you for later.

01:14:44.170 --> 01:14:47.454
It's like what am I saving that for?

01:14:47.454 --> 01:14:58.329
How is what I'm doing now with my money now going to help me to make sure that I'm still taking care of me, if that makes sense.

01:14:58.511 --> 01:15:19.747
That was like a whole bunch of jumble, but, um, yeah, just making sure that I have I do what I need to do so I can do what I want to do, and having the money set aside like we send money aside every week after savings or whatever to be like, okay, what am I going to do this time?

01:15:19.747 --> 01:15:20.930
What and what, what?

01:15:20.930 --> 01:15:22.354
What yarn am I going to buy?

01:15:22.354 --> 01:15:22.875
What color?

01:15:22.875 --> 01:15:24.158
What project do I need to do?

01:15:24.158 --> 01:15:31.106
And doing one project at a time, not starting on another until I finish this one, not buying more yarn if I have this.

01:15:31.106 --> 01:15:37.716
You know stuff like that that's really, I think, the.

01:15:38.577 --> 01:15:44.451
I like how you, I like how you uh integrated the two in that it it does take money.

01:15:44.451 --> 01:15:49.186
Sometimes there are some self-care activities that you that require money.

01:15:49.186 --> 01:16:06.609
Right, and, um, you know, shopping is a self-care activity for a lot of people, okay, um, you know, uh, the the gym is it costs money to be a gym member, right, you know, going out to eat, like you said, you might want to treat yourself to a little meal.

01:16:06.609 --> 01:16:07.751
That costs money.

01:16:07.751 --> 01:16:09.292
Right, a little massage.

01:16:09.752 --> 01:16:10.594
Mani Pedi.

01:16:10.594 --> 01:16:14.037
Treat yourself, treat yourself Like that, but yourself.

01:16:17.140 --> 01:16:17.601
Like that.

01:16:17.601 --> 01:16:36.675
But those things are important, but it's like, do we, do we and I think one of the things that we talked about was it's probably one of the earlier episodes, but sometimes we can stop like in service to self-care in that way, like it's like no, I need to treat myself because I've had a hard week.

01:16:36.675 --> 01:16:47.731
You also do yourself a disservice for your future and it's like we have to find ways to make sure that those things do not conflict with each other.

01:16:47.731 --> 01:16:59.837
And, to your point, joya, doing what you need to do first and then finding ways to save for what you want to do, how is okay?

01:16:59.837 --> 01:17:06.765
So let me, let me ask y'all when it went like, based on the culture we have today, we're such a fast-paced culture.

01:17:06.786 --> 01:17:15.452
You have such a culture that is very, you know, with social media driven, everybody's seeing all this stuff that we we we didn't necessarily see before.

01:17:15.452 --> 01:17:20.507
Like when we were at this stage in our lives, we didn't have all the access.

01:17:20.507 --> 01:17:28.631
We didn't have as much access to people's personal experiences, like you know, I'm going on this vacation.

01:17:28.631 --> 01:17:34.488
Or you know, look at, I used to live in my car and now I'm a millionaire in 30 seconds.

01:17:34.488 --> 01:17:47.675
Right, that's not how we didn't see that, those types of clips or those types of just marketing tools, if you will, for a better life.

01:17:47.675 --> 01:17:51.430
That wasn't what was in our faces all the time.

01:17:51.430 --> 01:18:01.576
How do you feel like that impacts the way you view money and the way you view what you deserve, especially in this season of your life, or does it at all?

01:18:05.128 --> 01:18:05.770
okay, do it.

01:18:06.990 --> 01:18:35.792
Okay, I was gonna say that, um, because I I'm probably trying to let it affect me, um, and it really doesn't, unless I allow it to like, if I'm in a headspace where I'm longing to go out of town, something like that, and I'm looking at people travel, it's like, oh man, then I like to think about the fact, like I think somebody said in the last podcast how they're putting themselves in debt to keep up an image.

01:18:36.413 --> 01:18:41.172
And it's like I want, when I decide to do and I do decide to travel, do decide to go.

01:18:41.172 --> 01:19:02.592
When I do it, I don't have to worry about coming back and being like, okay, now I got to work two times harder or two times more to take up because I want to keep up this image, and making sure that I limit my time on social media because that's just a breeding ground for comparison and I like my joy and I don't want no social media stealing my joy.

01:19:02.592 --> 01:19:11.051
Okay, I don't want to have to compare and then I lose what's right in front of me, you know, and so that's pretty much it.

01:19:11.193 --> 01:19:13.289
That's good Wise, just wise.

01:19:13.390 --> 01:19:14.213
What about you, amir?

01:19:14.213 --> 01:19:18.391
Just what Joy said yeah, comparison is the thief of joy.

01:19:18.391 --> 01:19:26.890
So just being grateful what you have right now, so being rich in spirit, being rich in health, just being rich in certain ways for yourself.

01:19:26.890 --> 01:19:31.867
But also I do live in abundance, so I do have to, I do have to be careful.

01:19:31.867 --> 01:19:36.738
So I do love trips, I love going and kind of making sure I'm okay.

01:19:36.738 --> 01:19:49.338
But I think just making sure I got a house over my head, I got food, the little things are more important than comparisons, because that will make you be broke, that'll make you be unhappy and just lead you to a life that may not be desirable.

01:19:49.338 --> 01:19:51.988
So just try to keep my own joy inside.

01:19:53.010 --> 01:19:55.833
And another thing is learning.

01:19:55.833 --> 01:19:59.800
I've been learning how to be creative in the area that I'm in.

01:19:59.800 --> 01:20:01.747
Like, how do I make my room?

01:20:01.747 --> 01:20:09.520
Do I buy the palm tree and just turn my light on when I need to go to the island, or something like that.

01:20:09.520 --> 01:20:11.167
Get a perfume, you know.

01:20:11.167 --> 01:20:15.435
Making it fun where I'm at so that I can't eat those kids.

01:20:15.435 --> 01:20:21.588
Music at Chick-fil-A so that I can have money to go to a merry-go or something like that.

01:20:21.588 --> 01:20:22.292
You know what I mean.

01:20:22.292 --> 01:20:25.106
Just doing those little things.

01:20:25.106 --> 01:20:29.194
Making it fun buying a puzzle whatever, game night, whatever.

01:20:32.072 --> 01:20:33.649
I like that you can treat yourself.

01:20:33.649 --> 01:20:37.180
But treat yourself on a budget for a smaller thing so that later on you can do the.

01:20:37.180 --> 01:20:44.797
But treat yourself on a budget for a smaller thing so that later on you can do the bigger thing yeah, yeah that's so true, that's very true, okay

01:20:44.957 --> 01:21:03.599
all right, I like that I love it um well, is there any last big thing y'all feel y'all want to let the audience know what it is out there, life like a young adult?

01:21:03.599 --> 01:21:06.902
These middle adults don't understand, you know.

01:21:06.902 --> 01:21:20.391
Or is there anything like you want to just shout out to the audience and make sure, like, hey, this is a real thing and we're in it too, and we're like here are some of the tools we're doing, like make sure that, hey, this is a real thing and we're in it too, and we're like here are some of the tools we're doing.

01:21:20.391 --> 01:21:25.927
Anything like that, guys, it's okay if there is.

01:21:26.248 --> 01:21:31.110
I have to say my favorite quote life happens outside of your comfort zone.

01:21:31.110 --> 01:21:36.934
So if you're still a young professional, even if you're a middle-aged adult, take risks.

01:21:37.073 --> 01:21:41.990
Hold on, hold, on hold on, we're not middle-aged, we're middle adults.

01:21:41.990 --> 01:21:43.814
Sorry, sorry.

01:21:44.636 --> 01:21:44.997
Thank you.

01:21:44.997 --> 01:21:47.751
Thank you, we can edit that out, spin it.

01:21:48.153 --> 01:21:49.015
No, no, no, keep it in.

01:21:49.015 --> 01:21:52.153
I think it's important that the people know the distinction.

01:21:52.153 --> 01:21:53.636
The distinction, yeah.

01:21:55.207 --> 01:21:57.729
So definitely take risks, have a great time.

01:21:57.729 --> 01:22:03.234
The only barrier that the world puts on you is what you put on yourself, so self-limitation.

01:22:03.234 --> 01:22:05.658
So dream big, do big things.

01:22:05.658 --> 01:22:07.271
You can be wherever you want.

01:22:07.271 --> 01:22:09.431
Just like I said, have faith in yourself.

01:22:09.431 --> 01:22:17.019
Continue to believe in yourself and you can make it Love that Love, that Beautiful Amir.

01:22:22.845 --> 01:22:23.488
That's good, amir.

01:22:23.488 --> 01:22:25.916
We're going to go with what Amir said.

01:22:25.916 --> 01:22:30.938
It's fine, thank you, we're loving it.

01:22:30.938 --> 01:22:31.564
We're loving it.

01:22:31.564 --> 01:22:34.613
I love what you said, amir.

01:22:34.613 --> 01:22:35.034
It works.

01:22:35.034 --> 01:22:38.534
We're going to end with that one.

01:22:38.534 --> 01:22:40.230
Thank you so much, guys.

01:22:40.230 --> 01:22:49.338
I appreciate you taking out your time this morning to hang out with us and talk to some middle adults, as we like to call ourselves.

01:22:49.338 --> 01:22:53.891
Yes, thank you so much.

01:22:53.891 --> 01:22:57.490
Well, we're going to Ruth.

01:22:57.490 --> 01:22:58.715
Abigail, you want to say your words?

01:22:58.965 --> 01:23:00.412
Well, I think we're done.

01:23:00.412 --> 01:23:02.545
People Are we done, we're done.

01:23:03.106 --> 01:23:07.703
A quick request like share and subscribe.

01:23:07.703 --> 01:23:23.375
Okay, if you enjoyed hearing all of the insights from all of the different levels of adulthood on today, if there's somebody that you know that's a young adult saying, hey, they can really relate with what Amir and Joya were saying.

01:23:23.375 --> 01:23:26.889
Listen, like, share, subscribe and comment.

01:23:26.889 --> 01:23:30.277
We got so many good comments on the last couple of episodes.

01:23:30.277 --> 01:23:32.587
It was really cool engaging with you guys.

01:23:32.587 --> 01:23:33.829
Keep them coming.

01:23:33.829 --> 01:23:36.675
We like talking with you, we like engaging with you.

01:23:36.675 --> 01:23:41.349
So, yeah, let's, let's, let's, keep it going, let's keep it going.

01:23:41.389 --> 01:23:42.912
Shout out to the people watching on youtube.

01:23:42.912 --> 01:23:51.871
I will say we, our youtube views have been up like I mean now when I say up, you know we still, we're still working we're not talking numbers, we're just.

01:23:52.112 --> 01:23:56.407
We're just aligned, it's been increased right in this last couple of weeks.

01:23:56.407 --> 01:24:10.631
And so, uh, shout out to the youtube viewers and I comment, man, like I mean, that really actually helps people see the see the show is commenting and um, and we'd love to engage, so be sure to share it.

01:24:10.631 --> 01:24:12.015
Don't hold it to yourself.

01:24:12.015 --> 01:24:14.706
It's important you know somebody that wants, needs to hear this.

01:24:14.706 --> 01:24:16.186
Don't be selfish people.

01:24:16.186 --> 01:24:17.368
Be generous.

01:24:17.368 --> 01:24:18.408
Give it to them.

01:24:18.408 --> 01:24:18.930
It's free.

01:24:18.930 --> 01:24:20.650
All you have to do is click send.

01:24:20.650 --> 01:24:23.533
So that's it y'all.

01:24:23.533 --> 01:24:30.198
So thank y'all once again for our special special guests, joya and Amir, and our producer, joy.

01:24:30.198 --> 01:24:31.078
Producer.

01:24:31.099 --> 01:24:31.560
Joy.

01:24:32.239 --> 01:24:34.943
Thank you all for coming for our season finale.

01:24:36.284 --> 01:24:36.975
This is our season finale, guys.

01:24:36.975 --> 01:24:47.131
So this is what's coming up on the unlearn podcast and then, uh, you, we will be starting a new series, um, on unlearning entrepreneurship, and that will start.

01:24:47.131 --> 01:24:48.134
That will come out.

01:24:48.134 --> 01:24:49.746
Those are dropping the next couple of weeks.

01:24:49.746 --> 01:24:54.256
Uh, continue to stay tuned for our freedom Fridays and this talks with the middle.

01:24:54.256 --> 01:24:59.045
Middle adult segment is going to come after our entrepreneurial series.

01:24:59.045 --> 01:24:59.747
We're going to be.

01:24:59.747 --> 01:25:01.994
We got some fun stuff planned for season two.

01:25:01.994 --> 01:25:03.891
We're really excited about it.

01:25:03.891 --> 01:25:04.909
They didn't fire me.

01:25:06.326 --> 01:25:09.011
No, no, we're giving Quida a break.

01:25:09.011 --> 01:25:17.578
We're going to do the entrepreneurial segment mid-August and then we're going to come back with season two for y'all.

01:25:18.125 --> 01:25:21.872
It's going to be fun, we're going to have a great time and that is all.

01:25:21.872 --> 01:25:30.435
So let us keep unlearning together so that we all can experience more freedom.

01:25:30.435 --> 01:25:32.699
We'll see y'all later, peace.

01:25:32.699 --> 01:25:37.569
Thank you once again for listening to the Unlearned Podcast.

01:25:37.569 --> 01:25:41.733
We would love to hear your comments and your feedback about the episode.

01:25:41.733 --> 01:25:48.440
Feel free to follow us on Facebook and Instagram and to let us know what you think.

01:25:48.440 --> 01:25:54.800
We're looking forward to the next time when we are able to unlearn together to move forward towards freedom.

01:25:54.800 --> 01:25:55.725
See you then.