Talks With Middle Adults: Strengths as Superpowers, Navigating Growth and Balance

Transcript

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hello everybody and welcome once again to the unlearned podcast.

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I'm your host, ruth abigail aka ra.

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What's up, friends?

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It's your girl, jaquita and this is the podcast that's helping you gain the courage to change your mind so that you can experience more freedom.

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Okay, okay, what's up how you doing today?

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Listen, ruth Abigail.

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We out here in these streets, we're doing fantastic.

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It's a beautiful day outside and the Lord has created yet a glorious moment.

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Wow, that's amen, hallelujah.

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Okay, thank you All right.

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Amen everybody.

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Yes, we, it is a beautiful day.

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Uh, it is a beautiful day.

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We are recording this on a Saturday and it is the day before Sunday, and Queda gets a little like that on the day before church.

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Listen, when I just think about the goodness of my God, it just bubbles up on the inside.

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Wow no, but seriously, it's been a time of reflection On the inside.

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Wow no, but seriously, you know, it's been a time of reflection.

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You know, like especially, we're talking about all of these like personality and assessment things, and you know, you just start.

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I feel like it has really helped me to think through how much I've grown, you know, from young adult to middle adult years.

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Like especially because I took a lot of these tests when I was a young adult, and like the way that I thought about them then versus the way that I'm thinking about it now.

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I'm like this middle adult life is different.

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we trying to tell you well it is, and I will say the one we're doing today has probably been one of the most influential ones for me personally and in my particularly in the way that I approach um, work in my career and any you know any kind of thing that falls into that category.

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Because there were so many things about myself as a younger leader and a younger professional where I had made decisions that actually went against what my strengths were.

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I'd made decisions about who I was that went against my strengths and then when I found out what those were, I was like yo, like I can.

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Now I can, I can kind of create my own career path that actually works in a way that isn't draining and that's exciting, based on what I realize I'm good at.

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And the test doesn't tell you what it.

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It doesn't determine what you're good at, it just lets you into it, gives you language to it.

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So it resonated with me, and so the one we're talking about today is the the strength finders, everybody strength finders.

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Listen, I feel like, because strength findersers, you know people put it in their Signatures of their emails, like here are my top five.

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They put it on their resumes.

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You know, like, strengthsfinders is for the professionals, it's for the people working At nine to five.

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Well, maybe not nine to five, but you got your job, you know.

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You got PTO, you got benefits.

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You know about StrengthsFinders.

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You got PTO, you got benefits.

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You know about StrengthsFinders.

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You know Not, I have PTO.

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That's hilarious.

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Listen, pto is listen.

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As a middle adult, there is few, very few things I appreciate more than my PTO.

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Okay, sure, listen, it was.

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You know, when I was young it was like, yeah, I'm just going to take a day off.

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Now it's, do not call me, I will not be answering these emails.

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I need a break from responsibility, amen.

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And I need no pressure Like my PTO is serious, amen.

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So, yeah, no, no.

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If you thinking seriously about StrengthsFinder somewhere, you got means to take a day off.

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You got PTO time.

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Some kind of way.

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You got benefits, you got Listen.

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You probably in an office somewhere, or you definitely have a laptop.

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This is who StrengthsFinder was built for.

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It's built for people who are wanting to grow in their careers.

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That's what it's for, yeah.

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And so we don't talk about that one.

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I I like I said this one has done a lot for me in this space and, um, I really love it.

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It really did revolutionize how I saw my working like, my daily work like, and even how I saw myself, um, in the work that I do.

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So what?

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What we're going to do is we're going to break down a little bit of what it is for those of you that are unfamiliar with it, and then we're going to talk about our particular strengths and kind of what we've had to unlearn about those, how we have to refine those, and maybe it can help you too.

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All right, so Strength Finders, it is through Gallup, so it's a huge company that does all these.

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You've probably taken a survey that Gallup's done, but they do assessments and surveys and they're big data people.

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Right, they're one of the most I think one of the most reliable data sources out there, right?

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Yeah.

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And so what Strength Finders does is so.

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The reality is, most of us and most of the a lot of advice I'm saying most, but a lot of advice we hear is you know, you need to focus on your weaknesses, grow, and that is.

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I'm not saying that you don't have to do that, that's not untrue.

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However, what strength finders argues is that for for when we put too much energy and focusing on our weaknesses, it's draining and it's unmotivating, and so what it does is want to shift your energy, shift your focus.

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It's not that you ignore your weaknesses, but you don't put as much energy into your weaknesses.

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You put more energy into really refining your strengths.

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It is more energizing and it's more motivating.

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It's more encouraging and it'll help you to stay in whatever that career path, to stay in it longer.

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Quite frankly, because you're not focused on what you're not good at.

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You're focused on what you are good at, and so that is the premise of the whole thing Instead of focusing on your weaknesses, focus on your strengths the cool thing.

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So the way it does, the way it has four different categories you have your execution strengths, you have your relationship building strengths, you have your influencing strengths and you have your strategic thinking strengths.

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There's four categories.

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There are 34 different strengths in all that are then plotted in those four areas.

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And so when you take the test, so you can take it, you can go to gallupcom find it it's called Clifton Strength Finders.

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What you can do, you can take it.

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It's about 20, 25 bucks.

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I think they may have gone up, though don't know um listen.

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If you're an educator, use your educator discount okay it might be a little higher, but it'll give you your top five, right.

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And then, if you want to unlock the other ones, you got to pay more, of course, but it'll give you your top five and what it does is 34 right, so they all have a general definition to them.

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But what's?

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I think the next layer of importance about this particular test is it doesn't just give you the general description, but then it breaks it down into how that is unique to who you are, right.

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So, and we'll go through these, but there might be a, for example, me and my father.

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We have, I know, our top.

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Our top strength is the same.

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It shows up differently in who he is versus who I am for, for all different types of reasons, right, and so when, when, we, when I read it, I read it and it really is reading me and who and the person that I am.

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That's unique to this other person who has, again, a similar strength or has the same strength and name.

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But it shows up very differently based on their experiences, who they are, maybe their season in life and based on what the other top five strengths are.

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Right, it takes all that into account when you're doing that, so it's one of the reasons I really like it and, uh, and, and I think it can really help to frame what things again you can focus your energy on, like and for some of you cause this is what did for me it surprised me on some things that I would not have thought were strengths and I I wouldn't have never, I would have never seen it as a strength.

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Um, I really was.

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I had to I some of it.

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I thought it was wrong and I was like, well, this can't be right, this is not who I am, but again, that breakdown really helped, right.

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I love that.

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So I think that something that uh, really to keep in mind is that what it is really fight fighting against is this deficit mindset, where we operate off of this I'm not enough mentality or I don't have what I need mentality, and really getting us to more of an asset-based mentality, where we are thinking we're going into spaces and into opportunities, thinking I have what I need to be successful in this space.

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So, for those of you who have heard, growth mindset versus fixed mindset, like StrengthsFinders feeds right into that I can use what I have to be better at this or to be more productive in this space if I use what is naturally occurring to me.

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Now, the other thing that StrengthsFinders really teaches is the difference between a talent and a strength.

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Right, a talent is something that is just naturally found in us.

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That naturally occurs, right, and you may use it, but you're not using it at its peak performance because you are not using it repetitively.

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Right, which is the purpose of StrengthsFinder is like, hey, maybe if you know that this is a strength, you will use it more and become more consistent in performing in this thing at a high level, consistently, and when you can really execute consistency and a level of excellence in your talent.

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Your talent now becomes a strength, right.

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So, again, it doesn't want you to focus on your deficits, on what you consider to be weaknesses.

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It wants you to focus on your strengths as assets, so that you will invest into your, into your talents, to make them strengths Right.

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So you have, your talent is naturally occurring.

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You have a strength.

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That happens after you have invested into your talent.

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What do you invest into your talent?

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With Knowledge and skill right, a lot of times we make our personality or we make what we feel like we offer to the world.

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Our skill set.

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Your skill set, is just sharpening your strengths.

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That's good, right, and so it allows you, this test allows you, to take a step back and say so hey, listen, yes, I'm good, I'm able to do these things, I have these certifications, I have these abilities, but my natural strength that's operating in the background and informing everything I'm doing right has been made better by these things.

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And I can continue if I lead with my strengths and not just with what I'm able to do.

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I can, I can perform in any environment, right, because I know what I'm bringing into those environments.

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So, for clarity, you take this test and then it lists a strength.

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Are you saying that it is not a strength Until I practice it, or it's a strength and my?

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So, in other words, kind of break that down, because it reads as though I'm already strong in this stuff, but what you're saying is I got to put in some sort of work to actually create the strength.

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Yeah, when you get those test results back, I believe it's actually going to call those themes Like these, those your top five strengths are just themes, are areas of talent that you naturally have that the more you use it, these are, these will become strengths, are already strengths that you haven't realized.

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Oh, this is what I've been working on the entire time.

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For instance, my top strength is input.

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Right, and it is.

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I, you know.

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Input are people who like to collect things.

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Are they like to collect data?

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At that time, when I took StrengthsFinders, I was like, why is my first one input?

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That doesn't make any sense to me.

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I was completely surprised by it because I thought I was going to get something relational as my first one.

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But then I realized I had already been working on that because I learned MBTI before I learned StrengthsFinders and I took that and I collected all the information I could about that test, all the information I could about people around me, and I started sucking in information, like taking it in in high volumes, and I did not realize that me doing that was a strength.

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So sometimes your test results are pointing to hey, did you know that what you're doing is actually one of your strengths right and sometimes it's pointing out hey, you have a really natural talent for this, and if you would shift your focus to, to to focus more on this instead of all these things that you thought you were supposed to be focusing on, then you will see the benefits of this becoming a strength.

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All right.

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So let's, why don't we go through, and let's kind of go through what our top five strengths are.

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Obviously, we're not going to cover all of them, because between the two of us there's, you know, there's only possible 10 and I think we have some that crossover.

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Even so, we're not going to go through all 34, but hopefully, through the conversation of us breaking down what we do have and, I think, also being intentional about talking about those four big categories, because all your strengths are going to land in those categories and we definitely cover the gamut there Uh, then you can find, like your um, you can really be, you can be helped through how we process through this right and how it's helped us to unlearn some things.

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Um, you can really be, you can be helped through how we process through this right and how it's helped us to unlearn some things, um, and move into different seasons of our life of really to uh, creating these as strengths by skills and knowledge of these natural talents.

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Did I do all that right?

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Is that?

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was that good?

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Okay, cool, all was good all right so, um, all right, so quita.

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So I have pulled up kind of my top five and they're, they're, they're like general kind of description, so I'll do that, and then you want to do the same thing with your top five sure all right, cool, so I'm gonna do my top five.

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Then queen's gonna do her top five, all right.

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So my top five?

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My first one is connectedness do her top five, all right.

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So my top five, my first one is connectedness.

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The general description of connectedness is you have faith in the links amongst all things.

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You believe there are very few coincidences and that almost everything has meaning.

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Okay, that's my top one.

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By the way, that shocked me.

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I did not realize I didn't think that would be my top one.

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But whatever, my second one is relator.

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This also shocked me.

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You enjoy close relationships with others.

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I did not realize that you found deep satisfaction and I didn't.

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I didn't realize that.

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Ruth said I enjoy what I was.

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Like that can't be right.

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So you enjoy deep satisfaction and working hard with friends to.

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That can't be right.

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Uh so, uh, you enjoy deep satisfaction and working hard with friends to achieve a goal, all right.

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The third one I have is a ranger.

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You can organize, but you also have flexibility.

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That compliments this ability.

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You like to determine how all the pieces of resources can be arranged for maximum productivity.

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That I immediately connected with.

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Now my fourth one is context.

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You enjoy thinking about the past.

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You understand the present by researching its history.

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Got it?

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And then my last one is strategic.

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You create alternative ways to proceed, faced with any given scenario, you can quickly spot the relevant patterns and issues.

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Okay, so just list those for us real quick, all right.

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So we got connector relator arranger context and strategic y'all once again, me and ruth are going to be very, very different, all right, and we'll talk about.

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We'll talk about a little bit more about why, momentarily.

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All right, friends.

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So just to give you, if anybody was like, hey, I want to know more about Jaquita, well, one, two, three, here you go, all right.

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So my first one is input.

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Okay, input says that people talented in input theme have a craving to know more.

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Often they like to collect and archive all kinds of information which I told you guys, I'm all into everything personality, identity, leadership, all of those things I just like I seek out.

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Information also help me with my degree.

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I got religion degree and master of divinity, so those things kind of really pulled in there.

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My next one is empathy.

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Uh, empathy says where's empathy?

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Oh, people especially talented in the empathy theme can sense other people's feelings by imagining themselves and others lives or situations.

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Then I have positivity, uh, uh, people talented in this theme have contagious enthusiasm.

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They are upbeat and can get others excited about what they are going to do.

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Okay, I think that one speaks for itself, all right.

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Then I have connectedness, uh, and which Ruth Abigail read, but I'll read again they have faith in the links, among all things.

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They believe there are a few coincidences and that almost every event has meaning a woo.

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Can you woo, woo, woo.

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Sorry, I have to sing it every time.

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People talented in the woo theme love the challenge of meeting new people and winning them over.

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Woo stands for winning others over.

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They derive satisfaction from breaking the ice and making a connection with someone.

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So my top five are input, empathy, connectedness, positivity and woo, woo, woo.

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That is.

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I mean, it is wildly different.

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Yeah, we are very different people.

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Yeah, that's okay.

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So let me ask you this which one of those surprised you the most, and which one of those did not surprise you at all?

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Definitely input surprised you the most and which one of those did not surprise you at all?

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Definitely input, I was like, because it, even when I list them out, it's input, connectedness, positivity, empathy and woo.

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It was like what is this input one doing here?

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Like, what is that?

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Um, and for it to be first, I was like who, who does she think she is Just rolling up in here into my relational theme?

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Yeah, messing up my relationship.

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Yeah, my relationship building skills right here.

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And so it took me a while because, and the way that a lot of the descriptions are about input, it's like they like to collect things Like they'll often have, you know, like a lot of books, which I do have, a lot of the descriptions are about input.

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It's like they like to collect things Like they 'll often have, you know, like a lot of books, which I do have a lot of books.

00:19:28.795 --> 00:19:30.381
But you know, it was just like.

00:19:30.381 --> 00:19:36.884
I was like so like I collect, like stamps and like baseball cards, what you mean, I like to collect things, you know.

00:19:36.884 --> 00:19:40.492
And so that one took me a moment to really digest.

00:19:41.920 --> 00:19:44.923
I think the one that didn't surprise me at all was positivity.

00:19:44.923 --> 00:19:56.593
I am idealistic, I am silver lining I am hey guys, it's a bad situation, but when we really look at it, you know what I'm saying.

00:19:56.593 --> 00:20:00.737
This is actually a good thing because God, you know, all things work for the good.

00:20:00.737 --> 00:20:10.048
And then the way God going to flip it is, you know, like that is me all day and I'm I'm really excited to talk about how I've had to process positivity.

00:20:10.048 --> 00:20:15.075
She's the one that I've had to be like all right, let me, I need to work through this a little bit.

00:20:15.075 --> 00:20:16.340
So, yeah, how about you?

00:20:17.865 --> 00:20:18.666
Yes, oh no.

00:20:18.666 --> 00:20:20.932
The one who that shocked me the most was absolutely Relator.

00:20:20.932 --> 00:20:30.770
I had, I have, I have um, um, I have lived most of my life not thinking I enjoyed people very much, like that's legit, like we all felt that, yeah, well, I get that.

00:20:30.830 --> 00:20:34.849
Because again you look at the other ones to your point it just feels out of place.

00:20:34.849 --> 00:20:41.257
All my other things for the most part, I mean connectedness maybe, but I that one really just confused me.

00:20:41.257 --> 00:20:42.039
I just didn't know what that meant.

00:20:42.039 --> 00:20:44.064
It took me a while to figure out what that even meant.

00:20:44.064 --> 00:20:56.366
But like the arranger context and strategic are very much like doer problem solving kind of like productivity things, which was like, yeah, that's totally me, I get that all day later Like where's that?

00:20:56.426 --> 00:20:57.390
What is that Like?

00:20:57.390 --> 00:20:58.965
Why am I relating to people?

00:20:58.965 --> 00:21:01.083
I didn't want it.

00:21:01.083 --> 00:21:04.366
I was like I don't want this, I don't want that.

00:21:04.366 --> 00:21:10.974
So I looked at it and I promise you for the first, like I was, like I don't want it.

00:21:11.015 --> 00:21:11.675
It's crazy.

00:21:13.163 --> 00:21:13.685
I didn't know.

00:21:13.685 --> 00:21:15.645
I was like I'm pretty sure this is wrong.

00:21:15.645 --> 00:21:16.730
And so I kept reading.

00:21:16.730 --> 00:21:30.488
And when I read closely, and even when I read it like it, I was like, oh okay, so it's not just relationships I don't enjoy, like I don't need a lot of relationships, it's close relationships.

00:21:30.488 --> 00:21:36.057
I do enjoy that and I do like this end part, which I actually think they may have added.

00:21:36.057 --> 00:21:46.465
I don't remember reading this before, but finding deep satisfaction and working hard with friends to achieve a goal I if, if you know me at all, Deep satisfaction.

00:21:47.000 --> 00:21:56.090
I love working towards something with people, like I wanna like like when we have conversations, I wanna feel like we left a little closer to something different.

00:21:56.090 --> 00:21:59.406
Right, it's that productivity piece.

00:21:59.406 --> 00:22:15.732
But that relator was very shocking to me and for me this is one of the most, this was one of the most pivotal things I think I mentioned it in a previous episode Like I could not understand how I landed in the particular career path that I'm in.

00:22:15.732 --> 00:22:17.200
I've never understood.

00:22:17.200 --> 00:22:19.488
I was like I don't see how this fits who I am.

00:22:19.488 --> 00:22:32.548
And then when I read that, I was like, oh, you know, I do enjoy close relationships with people and it's not that I don't like people at all, I like to develop the relationship.

00:22:33.140 --> 00:22:42.980
And so I took that information and at the time I was actually doing youth training, a youth, a youth workers training.

00:22:42.980 --> 00:22:53.007
Like I was doing some training for youth workers and development around people who work with young people, particularly in the afterschool setting, and um, and so we had them take it.

00:22:53.007 --> 00:22:54.770
This is like the first class we had.

00:22:54.770 --> 00:22:56.942
We had them take it, and so we took it too.

00:22:56.942 --> 00:22:59.553
And when I took it I said, huh.

00:22:59.553 --> 00:23:08.673
So I really, when I started doing a little research, I said oh man, you know, I think what I might enjoy is one-on-one conversations.

00:23:08.673 --> 00:23:14.028
So this is going to speak to a little bit of how I got better and this, this became a real strength.

00:23:14.028 --> 00:23:20.916
So I embedded into my job description that, for each we're going to we're.

00:23:20.916 --> 00:23:28.201
We started off just doing like classes once a week and um, and that was basically it.

00:23:28.842 --> 00:23:41.903
But I said, hey, I think, uh, I think I want to include one-on-one coaching once a month with the with the women in the class, nice, and so that I said I feel like that's gonna feed me and this strength in a way.

00:23:41.903 --> 00:23:48.529
After studying it, I I think this could be a way to do that, like to get to know them more deeply and to achieve a goal.

00:23:48.529 --> 00:24:08.093
Right, it just all fit and I cause I realized I'm a better instructor and facilitator when I know the person, and I didn't have a mechanism to get to know the person and so I I did that and when I tell you it, it shifted my whole experience in that role.

00:24:08.512 --> 00:24:09.013
I bet it did.

00:24:09.299 --> 00:24:15.374
It became a staple in the way that we did the program and those one-on-one conversations.

00:24:15.374 --> 00:24:18.728
I got really good at one-on-one conversations.

00:24:18.728 --> 00:24:20.632
I also got really good at asking questions.

00:24:22.681 --> 00:24:35.851
Let's take a moment because if you guys have been following the Unlearned podcast for any amount of time Right, and not just this segment, but all the segments Ruth Abigail is really good at asking questions.

00:24:35.851 --> 00:24:44.203
She's really good at getting people to probe past, like surface level information and digging deep Right.

00:24:44.203 --> 00:24:48.904
So let's just let's just take a moment and appreciate that strength of Ruth Abigail.

00:24:48.904 --> 00:24:52.532
Well, I appreciate the ability to ask good questions, because I don't.

00:24:52.532 --> 00:24:57.811
When people say hey, does anybody have any questions, I'm like I have no questions.

00:24:57.811 --> 00:25:01.046
It's not to other people start asking questions.

00:25:01.046 --> 00:25:05.104
I'm like dang, that was a good question, that's hilarious, I, but it takes practice.

00:25:05.163 --> 00:25:06.987
To your point, it was, it was, it's.

00:25:06.987 --> 00:25:12.194
It's a talent that had to be refined and I had to do that skill had to be practiced over and over.

00:25:12.194 --> 00:25:26.208
And understanding that is a strength, or a potential strength of mine, like there's something in me that is the, that has the traits of a relator, that I need to put that to practice and I did and I got good at it.

00:25:26.208 --> 00:25:38.153
And now the way I communicate with people, particularly one-on-one, is, uh, I think it's grown to a higher level because I understand this Right, and so it was a surprise.

00:25:38.333 --> 00:25:47.434
It was something I didn't want, and it's something I did not expect, um, and yet it was probably the thing that was the most impactful.

00:25:47.434 --> 00:25:50.028
This knowledge made it most impactful for me.

00:25:50.859 --> 00:26:03.776
But I think something you just said just really struck me that, like you know, a lot of times we get upset when we are in situations like why do I always have to be the one that you know is giving the advice?

00:26:03.776 --> 00:26:12.261
Why do I always have to be the one that is asking the questions, or that is, why do I always have to be the one that's trying to get everybody organized and arranged?

00:26:12.261 --> 00:26:19.363
It's because the Lord if that's what your belief system is, the Lord is putting you in circumstances.

00:26:19.363 --> 00:26:21.826
That is refining your gift.

00:26:21.826 --> 00:26:38.929
Right, you're good at it, but in order to get you to a place where you do it consistently and excellently, you are going to find yourself in situations where that gift has to be brought to the surface and used repetitively.

00:26:38.929 --> 00:26:44.965
Right, and a lot of times we get tired of doing what we're good at.

00:26:44.965 --> 00:26:45.227
Right.

00:26:45.227 --> 00:26:48.102
It's like why am I always the one encouraging and motivating people?

00:26:48.102 --> 00:26:49.605
Cause you got positivity.

00:26:50.246 --> 00:27:15.682
Like it has to be refined and and it is not enough to say oh yeah, and my conversations with my friends, I'm really good at, you know, giving people the, the silver lining, or the positive sides of things that gift has to be forged in many different types of fire in order for it to be both consistent and excellent.

00:27:15.682 --> 00:27:28.934
It's not consistent if I can only use it in one area of my life and it's not made excellent if I don't allow the other things in my life to start cutting at what I'm doing.

00:27:28.934 --> 00:27:30.983
Right, you have got to allow.

00:27:30.983 --> 00:27:41.073
Yes, you are producing like your strengths are giving, but by you practicing your strengths, you are also being refined in the process.

00:27:43.201 --> 00:27:49.082
And I love that and I think that the other, the other thing, like when you said, like why am I the, why am I the person?

00:27:49.082 --> 00:27:49.584
It's like a.

00:27:49.584 --> 00:27:54.162
It's like it's like an artist that has to sing their number one hit at every performance.

00:27:54.162 --> 00:27:57.568
It is, it's gotta be so fun.

00:27:57.568 --> 00:28:00.480
It's like I am so tired of doing this song right.

00:28:00.480 --> 00:28:05.105
Lauren hill has to do killing me softly every time she touches the stage.

00:28:05.546 --> 00:28:06.226
One time.

00:28:14.894 --> 00:28:16.416
Very good, thank you.

00:28:16.416 --> 00:28:21.314
She has to do it because she knows that her audience is prepped for that.

00:28:21.314 --> 00:28:22.277
We're ready.

00:28:22.277 --> 00:28:23.180
We're ready.

00:28:23.180 --> 00:28:31.252
It's like this is what we need from you, and then you begin to realize that your strengths aren't for you, they're for other people.

00:28:31.252 --> 00:28:37.530
Now, so that means you're going to get tired of it because you're living with it forever, but it's really designed to help others.

00:28:37.530 --> 00:29:11.155
So I think that part of that refining process you're talking about, the uh is, is understanding the selfless nature that you have to begin to, to grow in, in order to really uh allow these strengths to take its to, to take their full course you're not gonna feel like I don't feel the um, the results of me being a relator or my connectedness as much as maybe other people do.

00:29:12.761 --> 00:29:14.327
So connectedness is really interesting.

00:29:14.327 --> 00:29:18.220
Again, I don't think that was an unexpected one.

00:29:18.259 --> 00:29:19.285
It's the only one we share.

00:29:19.660 --> 00:29:20.865
I didn't understand it.

00:29:20.865 --> 00:29:23.208
I didn't understand it for years.

00:29:23.208 --> 00:29:25.144
Really, I was like I genuinely don't get.

00:29:25.144 --> 00:29:26.750
Why is this even a strength?

00:29:26.750 --> 00:29:28.907
Like I think that was for anybody.

00:29:28.907 --> 00:29:32.550
I was like, okay, I believe in all, like there's links to all things.

00:29:32.550 --> 00:29:34.765
Why is that a strength?

00:29:34.765 --> 00:29:37.443
Like, okay, cool, Like a lot of people believe that you know what I'm saying.

00:29:37.443 --> 00:29:38.165
You believe in God.

00:29:38.165 --> 00:29:39.248
That's pretty much what you believe.

00:29:39.248 --> 00:29:40.510
Why is that a strength?

00:29:40.570 --> 00:29:56.112
I didn't get that um, I do now I think like it's still a little fuzzy to me sometimes it's the levels of doubt, but that's the other skepticism I've never thought of myself as a faith person.

00:29:56.211 --> 00:30:08.161
honestly, like I am a, you know I have a faith, but as far as it being a like faith, being anywhere near a strength for me, never thought like that has not that, never.

00:30:08.161 --> 00:30:18.366
That did not resonate and I took me a lot of time to figure out how that belief system kind of manifested itself in my life.

00:30:18.366 --> 00:30:20.571
So how do you describe it for you?

00:30:20.571 --> 00:30:21.634
Connectedness?

00:30:22.760 --> 00:30:56.154
So connectedness for me is I feel like it is used in a very transformative way for me, like I use it to explain, like I use it to it works in correlation with all my other strengths, like it is like my positivity and my input and connectedness is right there in the middle so that I can put together these beautiful, very statesman-like explanations of people, of who they are, what's going on in your life, how it's all connected and bringing all the pieces together.

00:30:56.154 --> 00:31:00.565
It also helps me when we talk about that having faith.

00:31:00.565 --> 00:31:11.382
I don't think that faith has ever been, and when we talk about faith, we're not talking about our belief system, but like, just like the faith, to like walk day to day in it, like I.

00:31:11.382 --> 00:31:15.088
That's not a struggle for me, because I believe it is.

00:31:15.088 --> 00:31:20.607
It is the thing that is connecting everything for me and it's like oh, let me, let me help you.

00:31:20.607 --> 00:31:26.627
It helps me to explain things and helps me to articulate belief.

00:31:26.627 --> 00:31:29.510
I do that through my, through connectedness.

00:31:30.772 --> 00:31:33.517
Helps me to explain things and helps me to articulate a belief.

00:31:33.517 --> 00:31:35.880
I do that through my, through connectedness, and so that's interesting.

00:31:35.880 --> 00:31:45.769
I and I to be honest, me and Quina were talking, we were prepping for this, we were talking about this and it literally just clicked for me as to why how this strength I saw this strength play itself out in a particular way.

00:31:45.769 --> 00:31:49.759
How this strength, I saw this strength play itself out in a particular way.

00:31:49.759 --> 00:31:58.877
If I believe that, innately, everything happens for a reason, I'm very comfortable with understanding that my, what I contribute to it, is a very small part of what the outcome is going to be Like.

00:31:58.877 --> 00:32:04.364
I'm comfortable with that reality, so it makes me a lot more comfortable with risk.

00:32:05.183 --> 00:32:08.105
It's like, I mean, there are some things I can control.

00:32:08.105 --> 00:32:12.589
There are most things I can't control, so I'm not going to spend as much time on that.

00:32:12.589 --> 00:32:18.114
I'm going to do what I can and I'm hoping that this outcome comes as a result.

00:32:18.114 --> 00:32:23.577
But I realize that most of the things that are going to contribute to that outcome actually aren't about what I do.

00:32:23.577 --> 00:32:36.965
It's about something higher and above and beyond me.

00:32:36.965 --> 00:32:41.679
And so because I trust, because in my particular belief system, I trust that that thing, higher and greater and beyond me, is ultimately good, then I'm less I am.

00:32:41.679 --> 00:32:45.708
I am less afraid to take some risks, to do some things.

00:32:46.169 --> 00:32:47.049
Yes and I'm not.

00:32:47.049 --> 00:32:48.272
I'm not that way at all, that's not you.

00:32:50.700 --> 00:32:51.161
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:32:51.161 --> 00:32:54.371
My connectedness has nothing to do with that, because I am very afraid of taking risks.

00:32:54.371 --> 00:33:38.089
If we could revisit the personality conversation and go back to that P versus J, my mind is thinking of all the possibilities and all those and all those potential threats and outcomes are interconnected, they're connected and and you know so, like in my mind, it is my connectedness, as, for me, prevents me sometimes because I'm thinking if I take this step, then it's going to be related to five other steps that I could possibly take that would could potentially end in something negative that will turn out good, but I'm still trying to avoid the negative Right Like I'm not.

00:33:38.089 --> 00:33:39.534
I'm not walking in the risk thing.

00:33:39.534 --> 00:33:55.020
I was all going to work on the end, I'm like, but you don't see all them pitfalls that could possibly happen on your way to the end, but you don't see all them pitfalls that could possibly happen on your way to the end, okay, but okay, so.

00:33:55.121 --> 00:33:56.284
So I want to talk about this.

00:33:56.284 --> 00:33:57.287
I think this is interesting.

00:33:57.287 --> 00:33:59.593
These strengths that we have there, are we coined them?

00:33:59.593 --> 00:34:15.244
Uh, or I know we didn't quote them, but it has been coined that there are, uh, basements to these and ceilings to these, right, so there, are things about these that can be really detrimental, honestly, and then there are things that can be extremely beneficial.

00:34:15.987 --> 00:34:25.831
So let's just talk a little bit about what some of the basements to strengths period like in general, and I'll name one cause.

00:34:25.831 --> 00:34:52.701
I think it's really it's it's important and I think for people like like myself, for sure, and anybody who who relates to this characteristic of being driven, being, you know, kind of a growth minded person, that when you, uh, when you overemphasize your strengths, sometimes you can create blind spots and not pay any attention to what you're not good at, and so that would be an example of a basement that is not a good.

00:34:52.701 --> 00:34:56.130
We can't, we can't just have blinders on.

00:34:56.130 --> 00:35:01.528
It's a tunnel vision kind of I'm only cared about what I'm good at and I'm not fooling them with all this other stuff.

00:35:01.528 --> 00:35:07.096
So I think that's a good example of what a basement for strength could be.

00:35:07.096 --> 00:35:08.822
What's another basement for strength?

00:35:08.822 --> 00:35:13.713
What can a strength do that maybe isn't beneficial, or knowing?

00:35:16.181 --> 00:35:17.927
Can I use me as an example, do you mind?

00:35:17.927 --> 00:35:24.829
All right, I want to talk about my positivity, okay, and how and how I learned the basement of my positivity?

00:35:24.829 --> 00:35:29.039
I, you know I I am very idealistic.

00:35:29.039 --> 00:35:41.530
When people tell me negative things, I my again, my internal response, my, my natural response, is to flip it, because I don't like for people to stay in a negative space.

00:35:41.530 --> 00:35:49.923
Right, I want people to feel encouraged and inspired and motivated and to have the energy to just push, push, push, push, push.

00:35:50.385 --> 00:35:59.474
Well, the basement of positivity sometimes is that we don't deal with negative emotions or negative circumstances very well.

00:35:59.855 --> 00:36:12.527
So when my dad started having health issues and I was constantly, day after day, like, oh, dad, it's going to be fine because we're going to X, y and Z and then we're going to twist it, turn it, flip it, like this, right here and it's going to be good.

00:36:12.686 --> 00:36:29.411
And after doing that, after a year of not seeing change and we were really struggling to get benefits, which I feel like we need to have a whole conversation about social security and how that works, and disability and the system needs to be revolutionized.

00:36:29.411 --> 00:36:55.574
Thank you very much, but but in going through that, I realize my positivity is not allowing him to grieve and it's not allowing me to really sit in the moment of what's happening and to be able to really address the real needs, because I'm trying to squash down everything as it's happening so that it doesn't erupt.

00:36:55.574 --> 00:37:09.315
Because there is a fear that if I don't stay positive, everything will erupt into a volcanic eruption of grief and sorrow and fear and anger and doubt.

00:37:09.315 --> 00:37:27.492
And so I'm always like and so the basement of my positivity is that sometimes I use it to avoid negative feelings and I don't allow myself or others to grieve hard circumstances, and I had to unlearn that.

00:37:27.492 --> 00:37:33.105
I had to unlearn that my strength is a strength in every context.

00:37:33.766 --> 00:37:50.721
I had to unlearn the idea that there are not weaknesses to my strength, and I had to learn that in order for my strength to to really show up, I had to, uh, I had to work through other things.

00:37:50.721 --> 00:37:51.422
In that environment.

00:37:51.422 --> 00:38:01.639
It is not always the appropriate thing to to, to just kind of push over on people Right, just like woo, woo is not always appropriate, you know, when it others over you.

00:38:01.639 --> 00:38:06.670
Over here I have, um, I'm not going to name him, him, but one of my, uh, good friends.

00:38:06.670 --> 00:38:10.264
He is the most, he is the wooiest of the woo.

00:38:10.264 --> 00:38:13.931
Okay, this man could come in and charm anybody.

00:38:13.931 --> 00:38:19.188
He came to visit me recently and had everybody in the office, just oh, he's just like.

00:38:19.248 --> 00:38:22.641
He's so amazing oh, my goodness, and I'm just like.

00:38:22.641 --> 00:38:24.105
Here you go again.

00:38:24.105 --> 00:38:24.907
You know like.

00:38:24.907 --> 00:38:29.706
But like in every context, there is a basement to that like.

00:38:29.706 --> 00:38:38.672
Sometimes it can prevent you from getting to know people authentically, because when you are wooing somebody, when you are winning others over, it can get manipulative.

00:38:38.853 --> 00:38:42.067
I'm about to say, yeah, manipulation can come into that, yeah, it can get.

00:38:42.106 --> 00:38:43.590
manipulative, it can get.

00:38:43.590 --> 00:38:50.871
I know y'all all know that y'all all got a male friend that be wooing, and that's all I'm going to say on that.

00:38:50.871 --> 00:38:55.106
Ah, mm, mm-hmm Y'all all know somebody.

00:38:55.146 --> 00:38:56.670
Let that sink, now Let that sink.

00:38:56.900 --> 00:39:05.766
Y'all all know some bodies okay, because you know a couple of them that know exactly how to turn that swag on.

00:39:05.766 --> 00:39:18.936
They know exactly what to turn up and what to turn down to get somebody to do something that, if they were in their right mind, they may not have done Right.

00:39:18.936 --> 00:39:24.565
Woo has a context where we can use it for harm.

00:39:24.565 --> 00:39:34.797
Just because it is a strength that you are performing consistently and excellently does not mean that you're not doing it in a harmful way.

00:39:34.797 --> 00:39:48.251
I can consistently and excellently use woo in a way that is harmful, and while it is producing a thing, is it producing a righteous thing?

00:39:48.251 --> 00:39:58.849
And so absolutely the intent and stance of your heart matters in this, and you have to commit yourself to integrity in all of these.

00:39:59.300 --> 00:40:26.713
Yeah, I think I love that you went there, because strengths, any kind of strength, right, when I, when I have a strength in something like you, do have to manage your use of that and make sure that the motivation is a motivation that is not self-serving, um, because then that becomes a uh, it, it, it becomes a dangerous right.

00:40:26.713 --> 00:40:34.148
So you think about you know very famously right, and I don't let me preface this by saying I do not know if this is a strength of his.

00:40:34.148 --> 00:40:34.628
I have no idea.

00:40:34.628 --> 00:40:40.766
I don't know the man but you think about, come on, it just left me.

00:40:40.766 --> 00:40:42.003
Who is the guy?

00:40:42.003 --> 00:40:49.101
Who, who stole everybody's money and like with the stock market and uh, went to, like, went to jail.

00:40:49.101 --> 00:40:50.103
What is his name?

00:40:50.103 --> 00:40:51.326
Producer joy, can you help me out?

00:40:51.326 --> 00:40:57.438
Um, I'm blanking, that's crazy.

00:40:57.438 --> 00:40:58.704

Talks With Middle Adults: Strengths as Superpowers, Navigating Growth and Balance

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