Talks With Middle Adults: The Truth About Spiritual Growth, Understanding True Colors Personality Assessment, Discovering Self Through Relationships and Reflection, and Navigating Personal Growth Beyond the Workplace

Transcript

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hello everybody and welcome once again to the unlearned podcast.

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I am your host, ruth abigail aka ra what's up, friends?

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It's your girl, jaquita and this is the podcast that is helping you gain the courage to change your mind so that you can experience more freedom.

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And, uh, we have been doing this for a little over, well, almost two years, so we're coming up on a two-year anniversary.

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My Lord.

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On January of 2025.

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Woo, it's pretty amazing and, man, that is only because of you all, so just continue to like, share, comment, follow, subscribe.

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We're on all the platforms that you can get your hands on and we absolutely love our audience.

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Y'all tell us all the time that you enjoy it, so share it with somebody else.

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You know what I'm saying.

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Don't hurt yourself.

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Listen, why are you being selfish?

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Now go on and send it to somebody.

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You know somebody need to hear this information.

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Right, you know somebody need to hear this information.

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You know somebody need to come cut up with your girls, send it to them and then make sure y'all subscribe, because a lot of y'all is supporting and we appreciate the likes.

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Appreciate it, but make sure you subscribe.

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Hit that subscribe and look if you're watching on YouTube.

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All right, bet, bet, so Queda, what's up y'all, what it is how you doing.

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Yo man, we out here chilling Today we are talking about something so absolutely just.

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It's kind of amazing.

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We're talking about personality.

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Once again, we got another assessment for our friends okay.

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Another one.

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Listen, we're taking these assessments and I think a big point of why we're taking these assessments is so that you guys can kind of listen to how we are processing through the information that we're learning about and then figure out OK, which ones do I need to make an investment of my time, energy or money into?

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You know, where am I stagnant at in my life?

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That one of these assessments might, might help help to kind of push, propel you forward.

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Okay, and so this week we are talking about the true colors assessment.

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I see your true colors shining through.

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It's been in my head for like the last hour or so.

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I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry you did that better than me.

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I knew I didn't know the song, so there it is.

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Thank you for that.

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It's okay, it's alright, I don't know who sings the song, so if y'all know who sings the song, throw that in the chat for us, okay, cause we're clueless, no idea.

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Because we're clueless, no idea.

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Nor do I think we know any more of the song, like I think that's it.

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Is that all you know?

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That's why I love you, and that's it, thank you Okay got it.

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Okay, got it.

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Okay, good, good, good, Very good, Very good.

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That's all I got.

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So True Colors, so you know, have been introduced to a lot of different assessments.

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You may have taken them.

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I also think it's worth noting.

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I like what you said, Quida, as far as the assessments figuring out what part of your life you really are trying to get to know a little bit more Like.

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So some of these assessments are really good for working situations, Some of them are really good for individual assessments Some of them are really good for your.

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How do you, how do you work as a team, Right?

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Some of them, um, some of them are really, uh, good for it.

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They're.

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They're good for understanding, like the why behind your personality.

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Right.

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So understanding where you need to kind of put a little bit more energy of unlearning is really really important.

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This one is a really good starter assessment.

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If, if assessments and this kind of like personality thing, you haven't really been introduced to um, on a uh in in any way or you really just don't see yourself spending 20, 30 minutes on a test right, uh, then this is a really good one, just to kind of like it's quick, you can do it in under 10 minutes.

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You don't have to.

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It's not going to give you a ton of information you have to digest super general very general, very basic, but in the in a good way.

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Again, for those that are like I mean, this is cool, but I'm not trying to sit here dissecting all these different you know combinations and you know all this stuff, like I just just, I just need to have a, a general sense of what, what, what I might look like in in context or in comparison with other personalities.

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Right, yeah, I also think it can be good if you have, like just like, a really large team and if you want to teach personality in a way that's going to give everyone a really quick general understanding of, maybe like how they're, because this one is not as much about how you work as it is about your temperament, right, and that's how you show up, right.

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And so if you want people to understand and I think one of the things really indicated in the description of why it was even developed is that it was developed to help mitigate conflict, to help people understand themselves and understand other people, so we can lessen the noise, okay, so we can get past differences and appreciate what other people are bringing to the table in a way that's going to move really, really fast.

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So the way that it's set up is that there's four colors.

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Each color has just a general, like a real general kind of personality or temperament profile.

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So the four colors are you have your orange, you have green, you have blue and you have gold, right, and each one of those represent kind of a different temperament.

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I also think that it's important to note that this test is really kind of loosely based off of Myers-Briggs, so if you know your MBTI and you know that Myers-Briggs is kind of broken up into four categories, it's really describing those categories and it's taking out all of the complexities and saying, in general, you kind of fit into this big realm of a temperament, right.

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So greens are innovative and logical.

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They like to understand the world.

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They really value competence and logical thinking, intellectual freedom.

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They're more practical.

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Oranges is just like think about the color orange, right.

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Fiery, spontaneous, active, optimistic, right Like go, go, go.

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Very action oriented people, dynamic, animated, right Our goals.

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They are kind of your stable people Like think about gold.

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We put a lot of stability in how much gold we have.

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Like you might have money in your pocket but you got gold somewhere sitting up backing up your money.

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That's gold.

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Gold is dutiful, it's useful, it's practical, goal-oriented values, rules, pragmatic.

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You know, really they are the kind of like the people who are keeping the traditions of society.

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You know moving forward, you know moving forward.

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And then you have blues who are very intuitive, very much in search of meaning, very much harmony, relationship based and love to kind of create, like that energy amongst groups or teams, right.

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So, ruth Abigail, which color are you?

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Well, I am dominantly green, so I am that logical, innovative, future focused kind of you know, curious.

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You know that that's me right, that's my dominant, is pretty dominant.

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So I think the top you can get up to 20 on your score, right, I got 18 on that.

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That's pretty high.

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It's a pretty high green, and so that's me.

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And then my secondary is blue.

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No, I'm sorry, my secondary is gold and I got a 13 on that.

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And so, yeah, that kind of stable, dutiful, you know, organizational, goal-oriented, that kind of thing.

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So that's me, and if you've been listening long enough to me and Jaquita and know us on any level, then you can probably guess what Quita is.

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Quita, what are you?

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I'm the exact opposite, of course, okay.

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Why would I be anything else?

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Why would I be anything else?

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I'm the exact opposite, Of course, okay, why, why would I be anything else?

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Oh, why would I be anything else?

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I am 100% blue.

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Okay, I got 20 out of 20 on the blue.

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Every single one that they offered.

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I was like, yep, I got 20 points on the blue, okay, relationship oriented, uh, intuitive.

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And it's so funny because here are the two things that me and Ruth Abigail, just through the years, have probably like been like I don't all the way understand you on this point Like my intuition against Ruth Abigail's practicality.

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Like has has been like one of our biggest like.

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Like I'll be like man, I just you know, like, I know this to be true.

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And Ruth will be like how?

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And I'm aggravated that she's asking how, she's aggravating that I know something without being able to tell her any any sense as to why Reason Right Correct.

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Yeah, I don't need any reasons.

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I follow, I follow my gut.

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It's called the Holy.

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Ghost and you know what, and let me.

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I love that because I'm going to go ahead and share, I think, and something that I that this test in particular kind of drew an unlearning for, and you set it up perfectly, because one of the things that I have had to unlearn and is that it's overvaluing my personality because it makes the most sense to me, like I really struggle with understanding things that are other people's way of thinking or being.

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That just don't.

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It's not that I struggle with the difference.

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I got it.

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I know that people are different.

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It's what doesn't make sense.

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It doesn't make sense to me that somebody can know something so well without having any real evidence or reason.

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I don't, it does not compute in my brain how that's even possible, right, and so I tend to undervalue that particular.

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Let me say I have been guilty in the past.

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I believe I'm growing and Quidi, you can, you can attest to that or not.

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Past, I believe I'm growing and quitty, you can, you can attest to that or not, but I believe I'm growing in it.

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But it's like I, I have struggled with accepting that other people's personalities are I need to like, don't need to be fixed.

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Yes, there you go, don't need to be fixed right, that's it like they yeah, I completely understand, right, yeah?

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Be fixed.

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Right, that's it like, yeah, I completely understand, right, yeah?

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that's.

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But that's something I've had to unlearn and it's tough right, especially when you have a personality that is kind of centered and rooted in ideas that were make sense.

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It's like that logic is on.

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My logic is on all cylinders a lot of times.

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I'm always I'm thinking about and rationalizing, coming up with reasons and all that stuff, like it's how I'm, it's how my brain naturally works, and so to come up against another thought that has no real, like I can't connect it to anything real, I struggle with accepting that but you, you know, I think so.

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A couple of things.

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One, like I am a very intuitive person and, just as a side note, my secondary color is orange.

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So the idea of, you know, being energy, spontaneous, optimistic, active in some respect and regards, you know, like, it's also very true for me.

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But I'm, I'm very much a blue.

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But when I, when I entered into divinity school, right, I got challenged with being able to give voice to my faith, right, it was, you know, like, as soon as you get into divinity school, it's all right, write this 20 page paper on who the Holy spirit is, and I'm like I just know him.

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20 page paper on who the Holy Spirit is, and I'm like I just know him, you know why you need, why, why you need a paper on it, like you don't walk with him, you know, and so.

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But it really took me through a process of being able to really be a, to really give voice to my faith and to be able to walk someone through my, my reason and my rationale for why I believe.

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What I believe are the deepness of God and being able to like, really, you know, like the art of preaching is you have to be able to communicate to people in a way that everybody's not thinking like you, but it has to come across the pulpit in a way that's going to land with everybody not thinking like you, but it has to come across the pulpit in a way that's going to land with everybody Right.

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So I can't go up there just talking about what I know and I'm not giving any foundation to it, and so I will definitely say, through the years I have learned to give voice to my intuition.

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It's not, it's not always logical and rational, but it is reasonable Like there is reasoning to what I'm saying.

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It is just not practical reasoning Like it is.

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And I think what people have to understand.

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What I try to help people understand about being intuitive versus being practical is that you are picking up on information that is unseen.

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So you're picking up on patterns.

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You're just intuitively picking up on man.

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This and this are related and these things are working in a cycle that nobody sees and you're just ingesting that.

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You're not discerning it, if that makes any sense.

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You're not saying like, oh, I saw A and I saw B and this is how they're working together.

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Your mind is just naturally picking up on this information and making sense of it, and so you have to slow yourself down and try to.

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It is more difficult to explain the unseen than it is for people who are a little bit more practical oriented and they can be like it's just A and B put together and you know, like, and I know it because I saw it and because I heard it and because I had a practical connection with it.

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You know, and so I think a lot of times when it comes to you know, one thing I do like about True Colors is that it was built on the basis of again trying to decrease conflict by increasing understanding, and a lot of times it's what we don't understand about ourselves that creates conflict.

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If you knew that there was a label, if we knew in college that there were labels for these things practical, intuitive, right it would have been easier to disregard the right versus wrong thinking.

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But because all you have in the beginning of this is what I think is right and what they're doing is wrong, it prevents us from really understanding other people.

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When I first started learning about personality, it was life changing for me because I was like oh my gosh, there are words for this.

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Like, there are labels for this.

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Like I am intuitive.

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Okay, that helps me, because not a lot of people around me were intuitive.

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I think in our friend group it's like me and Ashley, everybody else is is is, is more practical.

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Yeah, I do wonder, like, as you were talking this, that that, excuse me.

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So the blue right, that's who you are.

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I mean, that's kind of what what we're talking about.

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So, if you're, if you are, um, how would you, as some, how would you kind of summarize that color?

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I think blue, I definitely think intuitive, I think very much interested in like what's beneath the surface, not at all interested in small talk, not at all interested in you know what the weather is like, but more so interested in like the emotional well-being of other people, well-being of other people, um, the and and the and kind of like the series of whys that led there.

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So like, interested in the story of people.

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So very story oriented and very um can be optimistic and but more so idealistic, because, and when people think about idealistic, they think that people live in a world that's not real but really it's.

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You're living in a world of your ideals, right, you're living in a world of man.

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What if everybody got along?

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You know what if?

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What if the world?

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What if there was really world?

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Peace, right, because that is an ideal that you have.

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Right, peace, right, because that is an ideal that you have.

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Right, you have an ideal that everyone would be respected and would be given a chance and given an opportunity.

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And you see the world in a how do we push everybody towards the ideal?

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Right, and a lot of times, because you're looking for the fulfillment of your ideals, you become idealistic.

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So anytime you see a promise of that thing that you really want to see in the world happening, you begin to make that one thing, that you see the whole picture right.

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And so when we say that blues tend to be idealistic, right, it is really.

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I think, if you really like, break it down and say, well, what are your ideals?

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Like you know, not just your idealistic, and you live in a fairytale world and you, you know, are bound up in in something not being real.

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What is it that you're hoping for?

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Because blues are very, very hopeful, and I think that that's something I had to unlearn in my own journey was that I got to a point where I felt like I had to put my hope down to bring on reality, a more realistic view.

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But me putting down my hope was like Captain America putting down his shield or like Thor putting down his hammer Right, like it was.

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Like I got to a point where I was like, oh, oh, this is the tool that helps me to be, helps me to operate in my superhero era.

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No, give me my hope back.

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Yeah, that's good.

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No, and I the reason I asked that is because it seems like there's and I think there's it's kind of like this, with a lot of different personality sets, if you will like, um, and in this is the colors, but even the other ones that feel more accepted, like in society, like more easily, like digestible and and like accepted and um, that one, that kind of uh, I think I think high emotional intelligence is not something which I which I'm gonna say blues have that like.

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I think I think that color can be seen as like a very you don't think so.

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No, you disagree I don't know, it depends on the blue, I mean, I think, emotional intelligence, because the basis of that no other color is emotionally intelligent, isn't emotionally intelligent, you know.

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I think as far as being able to relate to other people, yes, but I think where blues may struggle is is understanding their own emotions.

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That's fair.

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That's fair yeah.

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But I just think about, like the intuitive nature, the optimism, the idealistic kind of thinking about certain things against, you know, a gold, for example, right the, the more traditional, like high value, goal oriented.

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You know, I'm very routine, like you know this, and we kind of elevate.

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I'm very routine, like you know this, and we kind of elevate.

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I think there are some traits depending on, well, depending on the like, the area of life you're talking about, and and and I think what we tend to do is.

00:20:57.266 --> 00:21:34.080
What I tend to do is, and they even tell you, when you take this because we spend so much time at work, tell you when you take this, because we spend so much time at work, and especially once you get to a certain age, work becomes the majority of your life, then we take these tests and we we really uh, uh, pigeonhole them to work and it's hard for us to see the value of, of, of, of different personalities outside of the workplace and so, like things like logic and innovation and routine and goal oriented work really well in our, in our kind of traditional workspaces.

00:21:34.080 --> 00:21:39.980
Things like idealism and optimism and hope don't nobody cares, like you know nobody cares.

00:21:40.080 --> 00:21:42.585
And so I think it's, it's, that is.

00:21:42.585 --> 00:21:48.953
That is something I think we have to unlearn, just as a society, that number one everything is.

00:21:48.953 --> 00:21:50.395
It doesn't have to revolve around work.

00:21:50.395 --> 00:21:56.753
That is really hard, and so when you see, you know like your personality.

00:21:57.840 --> 00:21:59.003
No, but that's such a.

00:21:59.003 --> 00:22:01.471
I just need to cut in real quick.

00:22:01.471 --> 00:22:04.509
That's such a difference between the 20s and the 30s man.

00:22:04.509 --> 00:22:05.232
Just need to cut in real quick.

00:22:05.232 --> 00:22:11.519
That's such a difference between the twenties and the thirties man.

00:22:11.519 --> 00:22:12.903
The twenties I was like man, work, work, workity, work.

00:22:12.903 --> 00:22:13.305
I gotta go to work.

00:22:13.305 --> 00:22:17.115
My purpose is at my job, and if my job does not give me purpose, then what am I doing here, you know?

00:22:17.617 --> 00:22:35.384
And at 35, y'all the videos that are sending me right now that I think are hilarious are the you know how millennials supervise and how people in their late 30s and 40s supervise oh, mg, okay, because we are like we were like.

00:22:35.384 --> 00:22:44.671
We spent our 20s thinking that work was the most important thing in the world, and now, when we supervise, we're like baby, I don't care, you need to take some leave.

00:22:44.671 --> 00:22:45.442
Take your leave.

00:22:45.442 --> 00:22:47.085
That's what is fault.

00:22:47.085 --> 00:22:49.671
Now, listen, you know, I listen.

00:22:49.671 --> 00:22:52.565
You want to work this 40 hours or you need to take some time.

00:22:52.565 --> 00:22:54.971
You let me know, all right, just, you know.

00:22:54.971 --> 00:22:55.980
Let me tell you something.

00:22:55.980 --> 00:22:57.001
I'm a back you up.

00:22:57.001 --> 00:22:58.463
We ready to back somebody up too.

00:22:58.463 --> 00:22:59.645
I'm a back you up.

00:22:59.645 --> 00:23:00.626
Somebody got something to say?

00:23:00.626 --> 00:23:01.288
Let me know.

00:23:01.288 --> 00:23:21.602
I got your back, okay, because we're like, when I think about I mean, when I was in my twenties and I was working, kind of like you know, to establish what I thought I wanted to be impactful, and I thought that I had to work more than everybody else to do that.

00:23:21.662 --> 00:23:28.131
And I remember shout out to Pam Green who, if you guys know me, you know that I love me some Pam Green.

00:23:28.131 --> 00:23:33.326
Pam Green was my administrative assistant for a previous role and she is the absolute best.

00:23:33.326 --> 00:23:39.747
I remember one day at work I used to be at that job till seven, eight o'clock at night.

00:23:39.747 --> 00:23:41.490
Pam would leave every day at 4.30.

00:23:41.490 --> 00:23:44.467
I mean packing her stuff up and getting ready to go.

00:23:44.847 --> 00:23:51.868
And one day Pam looked at me and she said, jaquita, I want you to have something.

00:23:51.868 --> 00:23:58.299
You know, she was like I look forward to going home every day to my husband and being with my family.

00:23:58.299 --> 00:24:00.000
And she said I want that for you.

00:24:00.000 --> 00:24:11.960
And I said I want that for me too, pam, because why am I sitting here Like, like this my whole world?

00:24:11.960 --> 00:24:14.711
But it is easy and I'm telling you I be.

00:24:14.711 --> 00:24:16.355
I was on my team about that.

00:24:16.355 --> 00:24:19.090
I was like y'all will have balance, y'all will.

00:24:19.090 --> 00:24:20.374
Y'all will have boundaries.

00:24:20.374 --> 00:24:52.868
This will not be your life, you know, and so I just think that when we think about who we are, it's so tied up in these roles and in this job, but, as a believer, like your impact is is so much greater than your, than your job, and I really want to talk about it in context of my new job, but I'm a save it because I got points of my new job, but I'm gonna save it because I got points um, can we?

00:24:52.888 --> 00:24:56.595
but can we do this, though, because I think we've hit on something interesting.

00:24:56.595 --> 00:25:15.195
Can we talk to um people who are single right now that are in there, and I, and you know, I say this I am single today, but I have been single longer than I've been married, and so she want to be so bad she want to act like she can still operate on both sides of the coin.

00:25:15.526 --> 00:25:16.991
You is married, honey.

00:25:16.991 --> 00:25:19.874
You don't get to have a single conversation, no more.

00:25:19.874 --> 00:25:22.913
I've been single longer than I've been.

00:25:22.913 --> 00:25:23.915
No, you married.

00:25:23.915 --> 00:25:28.115
You will represent the married perspective and I will represent the single one.

00:25:28.628 --> 00:25:30.948
Absolutely not, absolutely not.

00:25:30.948 --> 00:25:33.490
No, I get to still talk from that perspective.

00:25:33.490 --> 00:25:34.854
You see how she gave her little lead up.

00:25:34.854 --> 00:25:47.791
I'm still very familiar with it, but, like I think what this conversation between you and Pam that you just narrated is, really interesting and it hits home Nobody, ever, ever.

00:25:47.811 --> 00:26:01.758
I never had that particular conversation, but I did have that moment where it was like, okay, I need to find, I need to figure me out outside of this, outside of work, so that when I leave work I can still enjoy my life.

00:26:01.758 --> 00:26:04.730
Right, it doesn't feel like there was a.

00:26:04.730 --> 00:26:09.999
There was a season where if I was, if I wasn't working, I didn't know how to enjoy life.

00:26:09.999 --> 00:26:15.317
Yeah, and part of that was because I didn't really know who I was Right.

00:26:16.105 --> 00:26:20.051
I didn't really and the parts what I did understand of me.

00:26:20.051 --> 00:26:21.835
I only knew how to.

00:26:21.835 --> 00:26:25.000
I only knew how to really execute at work.

00:26:25.000 --> 00:26:29.184
I only knew how to really execute at work.

00:26:29.184 --> 00:26:29.645
So how do I so like?

00:26:29.645 --> 00:26:35.818
What do I need to do to unlearn how to actually execute these personality traits that I'm learning about myself outside of work?

00:26:35.818 --> 00:26:41.855
How do I create a space, or find spaces, where I can still be my authentic self?

00:26:42.376 --> 00:26:59.732
that is purposeful and intentional and life-giving to others and to me, outside of getting a paycheck right yeah and so, like, when I think about even these, even this assessment, and I'm looking, it's like okay, big thing for me.

00:26:59.732 --> 00:27:00.515
We talk about this all the time.

00:27:00.515 --> 00:27:03.008
I'm a curious person, I curiosity.

00:27:03.008 --> 00:27:05.294
Don't shake your head, don't roll your eyes.

00:27:05.294 --> 00:27:06.536
Okay, see this, bothers.

00:27:06.576 --> 00:27:11.474
Queen, queen, queen no, because we y'all, we've actually been talking about this all week.

00:27:11.474 --> 00:27:21.777
As far as, like me being curious, not being curious, with Abigail trying to force me to be curious and I, yeah, yeah because I think being curious is good, but it's just a natural part of who I am.

00:27:22.846 --> 00:27:28.808
So it's like, okay, where does curiosity show up in my, in life, out of work?

00:27:28.808 --> 00:27:33.291
Where does where does competency't know?

00:27:33.291 --> 00:27:58.797
It wasn't until my, it wasn't until I was in my thirties, for sure, that I I was able to to do that, and I was able to say okay, these are things that I'm actually interested in.

00:27:59.005 --> 00:28:01.073
I you know, these are conversations I like to have.

00:28:01.073 --> 00:28:02.509
These are things.

00:28:02.509 --> 00:28:19.295
These are just fun things I like to do, right, like I am totally comfortable having interesting conversations with random people and that doesn't bother me right, as long as they're conversations about something that's not surface Like I'm, cause I love asking questions.

00:28:19.484 --> 00:28:41.457
I did a, and so one of the things that helped me to understand about myself, I decided to do a program that really was like a personal development program and it it unlocked it's the reason this podcast is here, but it unlocked like these traits in me that were like I really am curious, I like trying stuff.

00:28:41.457 --> 00:28:49.556
I like you know, asking questions, like I like asking questions that a lot of people may not want to answer like I.

00:28:49.556 --> 00:28:50.678
I enjoy that.

00:28:50.738 --> 00:28:57.096
You know I'm saying welcome to welcome to my life questions that people don't want to answer you know what I did.

00:28:57.336 --> 00:29:03.395
This is so because and this this actually enhanced, I think, and whether you, whether you agree with me or not, to quit is perfect.

00:29:03.395 --> 00:29:05.248
What do you like it or not, it's perfectly fine, don't bother me.

00:29:05.769 --> 00:29:33.011
Um, when I learned how to ask better questions, but I definitely started doing it with my friends I was like every conversation I'm asking a good question oh my gosh, and I am, me, the blue, who is, you know, not focused on, like, logical and reasonable answers, but focused on feelings and harmony, you know, and I think that that's.

00:29:33.011 --> 00:29:57.317
I think that these tests are really good for understanding what's going on inside of other people when we're communicating and connecting with each other, right, because I think that for the longest time, me and Ruth Abigail did not understand what was going on inside of each other, and I think that that leads to you making judgments on other people, right?

00:29:57.317 --> 00:30:26.112
So, like, when Ruth was asking me questions, I saw it as her judging me, as her trying to like find fault in me, and I, I I judged her as being like, okay, so you think you're right and you want you're trying to figure out what's wrong with me, and the questions put me on the defense, because I didn't understand the idea of somebody just being curious.

00:30:26.112 --> 00:30:37.489
Curiosity to me came laden with feelings and emotions of like, uh-uh, nah, you trying to get information to like, prove a point, are you trying to get?

00:30:37.489 --> 00:30:41.164
You trying to get evidence to build a case, right?

00:30:41.164 --> 00:30:47.115
And so, when you like recognize more about what's going on inside of people.

00:30:47.115 --> 00:31:03.645
So when, in answer to your question like how do you, um, how do you begin to understand more about how you, who you are, your purpose, how you show up your temperaments, your preferences, how that shows up outside of work?

00:31:03.645 --> 00:31:13.075
A lot of it will come by embracing the conflict, by embracing the differences that you are seeing in your relationships with other people.

00:31:13.476 --> 00:31:41.130
And I will say, for those of us that went to college and then your college friends moved away or, like you all, like live in different states, cause I mean, I felt like in college we were having these conversations like every night, like this was the, this was the, this was the sweet, the dorm room conversation, you know, and we were really immature about it too, because it was terrible, like we almost broke up friendships based off of these type of you know, like this was, you know, and not just me and Ruth, the whole crew.

00:31:41.130 --> 00:31:44.013
Like I'm sick of you, you know.

00:31:44.013 --> 00:32:18.615
But you need to really begin to investigate what is happening when I communicate with other people, or when I'm connecting with other people, or in my relationships with other people, what is happening inside of me that maybe they're not understanding and that I'm not able to communicate because I don't fully understand what's happening inside of me and what am I misjudging that's happening inside of other people, because I haven't taken the time to really get to understand them.

00:32:18.615 --> 00:32:38.827
And the more and this is a very blue answer and I'm really sorry about that but, um, but the more that you really start to investigate, okay, what's going on inside of me and really start to investigate what are the emotions that's coming up inside of me when certain things happen.

00:32:38.827 --> 00:32:39.990
What are my responses.

00:32:40.972 --> 00:32:42.155
Investigate that stuff.

00:32:42.155 --> 00:32:43.546
You can investigate it at work.

00:32:43.546 --> 00:32:45.410
You can investigate it at church.

00:32:45.410 --> 00:32:47.114
You can investigate it with your family.

00:32:47.114 --> 00:32:48.436
You can investigate it at work.

00:32:48.436 --> 00:32:49.219
You can investigate it at church.

00:32:49.219 --> 00:32:50.040
You can investigate it with your family.

00:32:50.040 --> 00:32:51.263
You can investigate it with your friends, with your mentors.

00:32:51.263 --> 00:32:53.248
But start really taking inventory.

00:32:54.089 --> 00:33:03.050
I didn't really start understanding myself until I really started taking inventory about okay, and and, and.

00:33:03.050 --> 00:33:06.335
I will tell you start with the good and I will tell you start with the good.

00:33:06.335 --> 00:33:24.845
Start by taking inventory about what is good about me, what character trait, what skill set, what thing that I bring to a room that people have complimented me for, that I've dismissed.

00:33:24.845 --> 00:33:33.294
What things have you dismissed about yourself that are actually really pivotal and key to unlocking who you are?

00:33:33.714 --> 00:33:47.738
I got told by everybody at church that I gave good hugs and this was before I had my self-proclaimed hug ministry but I would get told like, oh, you just, oh, I mean people just falling into my arms.

00:33:47.738 --> 00:33:50.009
And I was like, oh, you know.

00:33:50.009 --> 00:33:58.413
But I also got told you just carry like this aura of love about you, like you just have this light about you, right?

00:33:58.413 --> 00:33:59.615
I dismissed it.

00:33:59.615 --> 00:34:06.317
I dismissed it because I didn't want to investigate that about myself, because I didn't yet believe it.

00:34:06.317 --> 00:34:08.806
I didn't yet believe that, I didn't yet believe that I was loving.

00:34:08.806 --> 00:34:10.931
Because we have a negativity bias.

00:34:10.931 --> 00:34:14.826
You are biased to think the worst about yourself, right?

00:34:14.826 --> 00:34:18.773
And it takes you taking a step back and embracing.

00:34:18.773 --> 00:34:22.748
First embrace the good before you stay stuck on what's negative.

00:34:22.748 --> 00:34:33.813
Try to embrace what's good about you and then try to embrace how is this, what are the things working around my good?

00:34:33.813 --> 00:34:40.893
That's trying to prevent that good from coming to the surface, and then you'll start to get to the complexity of who you are.

00:34:41.956 --> 00:35:01.922
And so because, as you're sitting here talking about it, this gold color, right, this kind of traditional, you know, needs to be useful, organized, you know, very goal-oriented, right, dependable.

00:35:01.922 --> 00:35:11.695
All those things, all those things, this it's, this is, I think this part of me is is what is immediately reacting to what you're saying, and that that is.

00:35:11.695 --> 00:35:30.059
I find looking for the good first really hard, because I'm always trying to figure out how do I get better and so that that element of my personality rubs up against this element of you know what is good, embracing what's good.

00:35:30.059 --> 00:35:34.211
It's not that I don't believe there are good things, it's like, got it, those are out there.

00:35:34.211 --> 00:35:41.436
But that's what I really need to work on are these things, and I need to put my energy into being better at these things, right?

00:35:42.485 --> 00:36:06.137
And so for those of you that have that mindset, that might be hard to do what she was suggesting, and so what helps me in that is to ask other people what they see is good about me, because it's hard for me to generate it myself, even if other people have said it.

00:36:06.137 --> 00:36:08.226
It's hard for me to generate it myself, even if other people have said it.

00:36:08.226 --> 00:36:10.853
It doesn't, it doesn't stick Right.

00:36:10.853 --> 00:36:22.572
So if you have a person and you're like I really want to, I need, I need to, I need to learn how to understand myself a little bit more, and I specifically want to start with the good.

00:36:22.572 --> 00:36:23.735
I think that's a great suggestion.

00:36:23.735 --> 00:36:30.726
I think that cause.

00:36:30.746 --> 00:36:32.030
That's going to help you stay in the fight.

00:36:32.030 --> 00:36:33.215
If you start with the bad, it's going to be depressing.

00:36:33.215 --> 00:36:34.418
Um well, if you start with the bad, that's not you.

00:36:34.418 --> 00:36:34.940
You know what I'm saying.

00:36:34.940 --> 00:36:35.543
Like you start with the.

00:36:35.543 --> 00:36:36.965
I'm not this and I'm not that.

00:36:36.965 --> 00:36:38.628
You're not you're.

00:36:38.628 --> 00:36:40.050
That's not who you are.

00:36:40.050 --> 00:36:45.818
Start with who you are, and that means starting with what inside of me works.

00:36:47.039 --> 00:36:47.800
I think that's great.

00:36:47.800 --> 00:37:02.489
And so ask if you have somebody, just one person, who knows you well enough to be able to tell you that that you trust, take that and then write down what they say, because you're going to forget it.

00:37:02.489 --> 00:37:17.454
You're going to forget it if you're wired in certain ways, if you're wired to be more goal-oriented, thinking ahead, like you're always trying to get better at certain things, and that's just what you naturally do, then you're going to need a reminder, right?

00:37:17.454 --> 00:37:22.588
So ask somebody what is it that you see that's good about me?

00:37:22.588 --> 00:37:23.028
How do you see me?

00:37:23.028 --> 00:37:24.150
And then write things down About me.

00:37:24.150 --> 00:37:25.090
Who, how do you see me?

00:37:25.090 --> 00:37:27.454
And then write things down, and then when?

00:37:27.494 --> 00:37:31.978
you need to go back to it and then, like, take inventory and use that to help you.

00:37:31.978 --> 00:37:33.719
That helps me, like I don't.

00:37:33.719 --> 00:37:35.521
I'm going to easily forget that.

00:37:36.242 --> 00:37:51.661
No, I think that that's so key because it emphasizes the importance and the power of your circle and that you really will be defined, molded and shaped by the people that are around you.

00:37:51.661 --> 00:38:00.994
And if you have people around you that are empowering you to be your best self, then you will start to see the fruit of that relationship in your life.

00:38:00.994 --> 00:38:23.065
And I know that me and Ruth Abigail joke a lot about us being different, about us pushing each other, but I think that one thing that I've really learned about just personality testing in general, but especially from the true colors, is that you really have to set your mind towards growth and not change.

00:38:23.065 --> 00:38:51.313
And I think that one thing that Ruth Abigail and my friendship has really emphasized over the years, over the almost 20 years of friendship, the thing that our friendship has constantly emphasized, is that I'm going to push you through growth and what makes something grow Light water and being in the right, in the right climate, in the right environment.

00:38:51.313 --> 00:38:52.195
You get what I'm saying.

00:38:52.195 --> 00:38:58.195
You need to have people who are going to create the right environment for your growth.

00:38:58.195 --> 00:39:00.161
You need to have those people.

00:39:00.161 --> 00:39:01.206
You get what I'm saying.

00:39:01.346 --> 00:39:04.271
And it took time, I will say.

00:39:04.271 --> 00:39:05.192
I will say this.

00:39:05.192 --> 00:39:16.018
It took time for us to grow, but we always provided the right environment for the both of us to grow, Even when we were at odds with each other.

00:39:16.018 --> 00:39:21.047
Like it was like hey, all right, I don't really understand what you got going on right now, but I love you.

00:39:21.047 --> 00:39:26.101
That's hilarious, you know, it was the climate, it was the.

00:39:26.101 --> 00:39:27.827
It was the climate, it was the.

00:39:27.827 --> 00:39:29.666
It was the watering, it was the.

00:39:29.666 --> 00:39:32.215
Hey, listen, don't you know you the bomb?

00:39:32.215 --> 00:39:34.329
Like, don't you know you that girl?

00:39:34.329 --> 00:39:35.092
You don't know that.

00:39:35.092 --> 00:39:35.954
I know that.

00:39:35.954 --> 00:39:37.385
Like, like.

00:39:37.887 --> 00:39:59.315
And it was when, I think, when our friendship really shifted was when we grew a deeper respect for who we each were, and when we grew that level of respect, like I again, I may joke with Ruth Abigail, but when I'm talking to other people about Ruth Abigail, I am like, first of all, let me tell you about my best friend.

00:39:59.456 --> 00:40:02.530
Okay, Like you ain't finna find nobody.

00:40:02.530 --> 00:40:08.157
Like you ain't gonna find nobody that's going to be able to lead like her, hustle, like her, create and innovate like her.

00:40:08.157 --> 00:40:13.248
You're not going to find nobody that's going to be able to lead like her, hustle, like her, create and innovate like her.

00:40:13.248 --> 00:40:29.099
You're not going to find nobody that's going to be able to really inspire and motivate change in an organization like Ruth Abigail and I know her and because we spent so much time really getting to know each other, all of these ideas about you know who she is I'm constantly reinforcing that.

00:40:29.099 --> 00:40:46.213
I'm like, girl, do that thing, you killing it and and the same, you know the same in reverse, you know, but it did take us getting to a level of respect and we're going to talk about this later, and I mean later, like y'all going to have to catch the next episode Okay, Later.

00:40:46.213 --> 00:40:49.539
But if you can't respect them, you can't lead them.

00:40:49.960 --> 00:40:50.300
Amen.

00:40:51.146 --> 00:40:57.757
If you can't respect them, you can't, you can't befriend them, you can't be a real friend to somebody you don't respect Absolutely.

00:40:57.757 --> 00:41:02.108
You can't, you can't, you can't pour into somebody that you don't believe in.

00:41:02.108 --> 00:41:03.010
What are you doing?

00:41:03.429 --> 00:41:03.971
Absolutely.

00:41:04.110 --> 00:41:04.751
I don't, I don't.

00:41:04.751 --> 00:41:06.614
I don't want you speaking over my life.

00:41:06.614 --> 00:41:08.434
I don't want you touching nothing I got.

00:41:08.434 --> 00:41:14.702
If all you think about me is she needs to change, I'm not we, we not for each other.

00:41:18.965 --> 00:41:26.681
You know, and I like, I like the difference you just you just said between change and growth, because it it their growth is.

00:41:26.681 --> 00:41:36.139
Uh, I don, I want to say it the environment produces growth and growth, in its time, produces change, right.

00:41:37.005 --> 00:41:38.550
But trying to change.

00:41:38.811 --> 00:41:53.146
Trying to go for change first without the growth part is damaging and it is discouraging and it can be um very arrogant right in in any kind of relationship.

00:41:53.146 --> 00:42:01.090
It's like this idea you need to change, need to change, and that's that's the constant kind of uh, uh way that you're communicating some to somebody.

00:42:01.090 --> 00:42:03.032
No, no, no, no, no.

00:42:03.032 --> 00:42:07.056
Growth is the pathway to change.

00:42:07.896 --> 00:42:17.572
And I think that when we focus on how do we help each other grow, that change happens in its own time.

00:42:17.572 --> 00:42:27.677
If there's one thing that I have learned about gardening, which I've mentioned, we do this right she got her country man.

00:42:27.677 --> 00:42:33.530
Alright, she be out there and we be gardening, and so I just gave somebody a bag of peppers today, anyway.

00:42:33.530 --> 00:42:41.288
So you're that person, ruth you're now bringing people like vegetation.

00:42:41.288 --> 00:42:43.755
I met them in the parking lot of church and.

00:42:43.978 --> 00:42:44.543
Ruth Abigail.

00:42:44.543 --> 00:42:45.550
I used to have somebody I worked with.

00:42:45.550 --> 00:42:45.911
Shout out to Bob.

00:42:45.911 --> 00:42:48.025

Talks With Middle Adults: The Truth About Spiritual Growth, Understanding True Colors Personality Assessment, Discovering Self Through Relationships and Reflection, and Navigating Personal Growth Beyond the Workplace

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