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Nov. 12, 2024

Talks With Middle Adults: The Truth About Spiritual Growth, Understanding True Colors Personality Assessment, Discovering Self Through Relationships and Reflection, and Navigating Personal Growth Beyond the Workplace

Talks With Middle Adults: The Truth About Spiritual Growth, Understanding True Colors Personality Assessment, Discovering Self Through Relationships and Reflection, and Navigating Personal Growth Beyond the Workplace
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Take the True Colors Assessment!
https://home.hamptonu.edu/student-affairs/wp-content/uploads/sites/59/2021/11/true_colors_test-for-mentoring-fillable.pdf

Unlock the secrets of self-discovery and personal growth with us on the UnLearnT Podcast. Discover how personality assessments, particularly the True Colors assessment, can be a game-changer in understanding yourself and others. We promise that by the end of this episode, you'll have tools to enhance your relationships and mitigate conflict both at work and in your personal life. Through engaging discussions, we explore the fascinating world of personality types, focusing on how identifying as "blue"—with traits like intuition and a focus on emotional well-being—can influence your connection with others.

We also reflect on the evolution of priorities from work-centric mindsets in our 20s to a more balanced life in our 30s. Through personal anecdotes, we illustrate how unlearning societal norms can lead to a more fulfilling existence and better relationships, beyond just professional achievements.

Our conversation highlights the power of understanding your authentic self through relationships and reflection. We explore the critical distinction between change and growth, using the metaphor of gardening to illustrate how nurturing the right environment can lead to transformative personal development. 

Chapters

00:03 - Understanding True Colors Personality Assessment

11:00 - Unleashing Personal Growth Through Understanding

17:27 - Navigating Personal Growth Beyond the Workplace

26:29 - Discovering Self Through Relationships and Reflection

34:08 - Embracing Personal Growth Through Relationships

40:46 - Self-Growth Through Reflection and Action

55:16 - Tilling Soil for Spiritual Growth

01:01:50 - The Unlearning Process Toward Freedom

Transcript
WEBVTT

00:00:03.886 --> 00:00:09.073
hello everybody and welcome once again to the unlearned podcast.

00:00:09.073 --> 00:00:14.028
I am your host, ruth abigail aka ra what's up, friends?

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It's your girl, jaquita and this is the podcast that is helping you gain the courage to change your mind so that you can experience more freedom.

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And, uh, we have been doing this for a little over, well, almost two years, so we're coming up on a two-year anniversary.

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My Lord.

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On January of 2025.

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Woo, it's pretty amazing and, man, that is only because of you all, so just continue to like, share, comment, follow, subscribe.

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We're on all the platforms that you can get your hands on and we absolutely love our audience.

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Y'all tell us all the time that you enjoy it, so share it with somebody else.

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You know what I'm saying.

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Don't hurt yourself.

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Listen, why are you being selfish?

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Now go on and send it to somebody.

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You know somebody need to hear this information.

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Right, you know somebody need to hear this information.

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You know somebody need to come cut up with your girls, send it to them and then make sure y'all subscribe, because a lot of y'all is supporting and we appreciate the likes.

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We appreciate the comments.

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We appreciate the pullovers at the grocery store.

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Appreciate it, but make sure you subscribe.

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Hit that subscribe and look if you're watching on YouTube.

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Youtube, I have noticed, like you know, I kind of knew this because you, you hear about this stuff when you, when you, when you research it, but real talk, those likes help other people see it.

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So, like the youtube, even if you'll get all the way through it giving a little thumbs up give a little thumbs up, it'll help get it out to everybody else.

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All right, bet, bet, so Queda, what's up y'all, what it is how you doing.

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Yo man, we out here chilling Today we are talking about something so absolutely just.

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It's kind of amazing.

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We're talking about personality.

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Once again, we got another assessment for our friends okay.

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Another one.

00:02:01.459 --> 00:02:20.757
Listen, we're taking these assessments and I think a big point of why we're taking these assessments is so that you guys can kind of listen to how we are processing through the information that we're learning about and then figure out OK, which ones do I need to make an investment of my time, energy or money into?

00:02:20.757 --> 00:02:23.927
You know, where am I stagnant at in my life?

00:02:23.927 --> 00:02:29.269
That one of these assessments might, might help help to kind of push, propel you forward.

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Okay, and so this week we are talking about the true colors assessment.

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I see your true colors shining through.

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It's been in my head for like the last hour or so.

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I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry you did that better than me.

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I knew I didn't know the song, so there it is.

00:02:52.967 --> 00:02:53.651
Thank you for that.

00:02:53.671 --> 00:03:01.501
It's okay, it's alright, I don't know who sings the song, so if y'all know who sings the song, throw that in the chat for us, okay, cause we're clueless, no idea.

00:03:01.520 --> 00:03:02.163
Because we're clueless, no idea.

00:03:02.163 --> 00:03:05.195
Nor do I think we know any more of the song, like I think that's it.

00:03:05.195 --> 00:03:06.099
Is that all you know?

00:03:06.139 --> 00:03:10.603
That's why I love you, and that's it, thank you Okay got it.

00:03:10.603 --> 00:03:11.183
Okay, got it.

00:03:11.204 --> 00:03:12.764
Okay, good, good, good, Very good, Very good.

00:03:12.764 --> 00:03:13.425
That's all I got.

00:03:13.425 --> 00:03:17.429
So True Colors, so you know, have been introduced to a lot of different assessments.

00:03:17.429 --> 00:03:29.846
You may have taken them.

00:03:29.846 --> 00:03:31.203
I also think it's worth noting.

00:03:31.203 --> 00:03:41.461
I like what you said, Quida, as far as the assessments figuring out what part of your life you really are trying to get to know a little bit more Like.

00:03:41.461 --> 00:03:50.085
So some of these assessments are really good for working situations, Some of them are really good for individual assessments Some of them are really good for your.

00:03:50.224 --> 00:03:52.292
How do you, how do you work as a team, Right?

00:03:52.292 --> 00:03:58.026
Some of them, um, some of them are really, uh, good for it.

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They're.

00:03:58.247 --> 00:04:01.322
They're good for understanding, like the why behind your personality.

00:04:01.382 --> 00:04:02.324
Right.

00:04:03.086 --> 00:04:09.883
So understanding where you need to kind of put a little bit more energy of unlearning is really really important.

00:04:09.883 --> 00:04:15.093
This one is a really good starter assessment.

00:04:15.093 --> 00:04:36.422
If, if assessments and this kind of like personality thing, you haven't really been introduced to um, on a uh in in any way or you really just don't see yourself spending 20, 30 minutes on a test right, uh, then this is a really good one, just to kind of like it's quick, you can do it in under 10 minutes.

00:04:36.923 --> 00:04:37.728
You don't have to.

00:04:37.728 --> 00:04:44.608
It's not going to give you a ton of information you have to digest super general very general, very basic, but in the in a good way.

00:04:44.608 --> 00:05:04.504
Again, for those that are like I mean, this is cool, but I'm not trying to sit here dissecting all these different you know combinations and you know all this stuff, like I just just, I just need to have a, a general sense of what, what, what I might look like in in context or in comparison with other personalities.

00:05:04.603 --> 00:05:29.079
Right, yeah, I also think it can be good if you have, like just like, a really large team and if you want to teach personality in a way that's going to give everyone a really quick general understanding of, maybe like how they're, because this one is not as much about how you work as it is about your temperament, right, and that's how you show up, right.

00:05:29.079 --> 00:05:56.848
And so if you want people to understand and I think one of the things really indicated in the description of why it was even developed is that it was developed to help mitigate conflict, to help people understand themselves and understand other people, so we can lessen the noise, okay, so we can get past differences and appreciate what other people are bringing to the table in a way that's going to move really, really fast.

00:05:56.848 --> 00:06:01.404
So the way that it's set up is that there's four colors.

00:06:01.404 --> 00:06:09.802
Each color has just a general, like a real general kind of personality or temperament profile.

00:06:09.802 --> 00:06:21.720
So the four colors are you have your orange, you have green, you have blue and you have gold, right, and each one of those represent kind of a different temperament.

00:06:21.720 --> 00:06:44.404
I also think that it's important to note that this test is really kind of loosely based off of Myers-Briggs, so if you know your MBTI and you know that Myers-Briggs is kind of broken up into four categories, it's really describing those categories and it's taking out all of the complexities and saying, in general, you kind of fit into this big realm of a temperament, right.

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So greens are innovative and logical.

00:06:48.494 --> 00:06:49.959
They like to understand the world.

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They really value competence and logical thinking, intellectual freedom.

00:06:55.732 --> 00:06:56.814
They're more practical.

00:06:58.021 --> 00:07:01.190
Oranges is just like think about the color orange, right.

00:07:01.190 --> 00:07:06.619
Fiery, spontaneous, active, optimistic, right Like go, go, go.

00:07:06.619 --> 00:07:11.709
Very action oriented people, dynamic, animated, right Our goals.

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They are kind of your stable people Like think about gold.

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We put a lot of stability in how much gold we have.

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Like you might have money in your pocket but you got gold somewhere sitting up backing up your money.

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That's gold.

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Gold is dutiful, it's useful, it's practical, goal-oriented values, rules, pragmatic.

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You know, really they are the kind of like the people who are keeping the traditions of society.

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You know moving forward, you know moving forward.

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And then you have blues who are very intuitive, very much in search of meaning, very much harmony, relationship based and love to kind of create, like that energy amongst groups or teams, right.

00:07:57.464 --> 00:07:58.487
So, ruth Abigail, which color are you?

00:07:59.988 --> 00:08:13.677
Well, I am dominantly green, so I am that logical, innovative, future focused kind of you know, curious.

00:08:13.677 --> 00:08:18.600
You know that that's me right, that's my dominant, is pretty dominant.

00:08:18.600 --> 00:08:26.990
So I think the top you can get up to 20 on your score, right, I got 18 on that.

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That's pretty high.

00:08:28.656 --> 00:08:32.105
It's a pretty high green, and so that's me.

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And then my secondary is blue.

00:08:33.389 --> 00:08:38.563
No, I'm sorry, my secondary is gold and I got a 13 on that.

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And so, yeah, that kind of stable, dutiful, you know, organizational, goal-oriented, that kind of thing.

00:08:48.919 --> 00:08:59.750
So that's me, and if you've been listening long enough to me and Jaquita and know us on any level, then you can probably guess what Quita is.

00:08:59.750 --> 00:09:00.554
Quita, what are you?

00:09:00.956 --> 00:09:02.263
I'm the exact opposite, of course, okay.

00:09:02.263 --> 00:09:02.907
Why would I be anything else?

00:09:02.907 --> 00:09:03.551
Why would I be anything else?

00:09:03.551 --> 00:09:05.039
I'm the exact opposite, Of course, okay, why, why would I be anything else?

00:09:05.039 --> 00:09:06.863
Oh, why would I be anything else?

00:09:06.863 --> 00:09:08.807
I am 100% blue.

00:09:08.807 --> 00:09:11.312
Okay, I got 20 out of 20 on the blue.

00:09:11.312 --> 00:09:13.563
Every single one that they offered.

00:09:13.563 --> 00:09:21.446
I was like, yep, I got 20 points on the blue, okay, relationship oriented, uh, intuitive.

00:09:21.446 --> 00:09:37.788
And it's so funny because here are the two things that me and Ruth Abigail, just through the years, have probably like been like I don't all the way understand you on this point Like my intuition against Ruth Abigail's practicality.

00:09:37.788 --> 00:09:42.202
Like has has been like one of our biggest like.

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Like I'll be like man, I just you know, like, I know this to be true.

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And Ruth will be like how?

00:09:47.686 --> 00:09:59.453
And I'm aggravated that she's asking how, she's aggravating that I know something without being able to tell her any any sense as to why Reason Right Correct.

00:09:59.754 --> 00:10:01.024
Yeah, I don't need any reasons.

00:10:01.024 --> 00:10:03.369
I follow, I follow my gut.

00:10:03.369 --> 00:10:04.803
It's called the Holy.

00:10:04.864 --> 00:10:07.042
Ghost and you know what, and let me.

00:10:07.221 --> 00:10:38.053
I love that because I'm going to go ahead and share, I think, and something that I that this test in particular kind of drew an unlearning for, and you set it up perfectly, because one of the things that I have had to unlearn and is that it's overvaluing my personality because it makes the most sense to me, like I really struggle with understanding things that are other people's way of thinking or being.

00:10:38.053 --> 00:10:38.835
That just don't.

00:10:38.835 --> 00:10:40.806
It's not that I struggle with the difference.

00:10:40.806 --> 00:10:41.950
I got it.

00:10:41.950 --> 00:10:43.546
I know that people are different.

00:10:43.546 --> 00:10:44.946
It's what doesn't make sense.

00:10:50.279 --> 00:10:52.606
It doesn't make sense to me that somebody can know something so well without having any real evidence or reason.

00:10:52.606 --> 00:10:59.991
I don't, it does not compute in my brain how that's even possible, right, and so I tend to undervalue that particular.

00:10:59.991 --> 00:11:02.798
Let me say I have been guilty in the past.

00:11:02.798 --> 00:11:04.509
I believe I'm growing and Quidi, you can, you can attest to that or not.

00:11:04.509 --> 00:11:08.424
Past, I believe I'm growing and quitty, you can, you can attest to that or not, but I believe I'm growing in it.

00:11:08.424 --> 00:11:19.826
But it's like I, I have struggled with accepting that other people's personalities are I need to like, don't need to be fixed.

00:11:19.846 --> 00:11:23.937
Yes, there you go, don't need to be fixed right, that's it like they yeah, I completely understand, right, yeah?

00:11:23.937 --> 00:11:24.177
Be fixed.

00:11:24.177 --> 00:11:27.004
Right, that's it like, yeah, I completely understand, right, yeah?

00:11:27.044 --> 00:11:27.245
that's.

00:11:27.245 --> 00:11:38.022
But that's something I've had to unlearn and it's tough right, especially when you have a personality that is kind of centered and rooted in ideas that were make sense.

00:11:38.022 --> 00:11:40.365
It's like that logic is on.

00:11:40.365 --> 00:11:43.832
My logic is on all cylinders a lot of times.

00:11:43.832 --> 00:12:05.192
I'm always I'm thinking about and rationalizing, coming up with reasons and all that stuff, like it's how I'm, it's how my brain naturally works, and so to come up against another thought that has no real, like I can't connect it to anything real, I struggle with accepting that but you, you know, I think so.

00:12:05.312 --> 00:12:06.094
A couple of things.

00:12:06.094 --> 00:12:12.591
One, like I am a very intuitive person and, just as a side note, my secondary color is orange.

00:12:12.591 --> 00:12:23.313
So the idea of, you know, being energy, spontaneous, optimistic, active in some respect and regards, you know, like, it's also very true for me.

00:12:23.313 --> 00:12:24.674
But I'm, I'm very much a blue.

00:12:24.674 --> 00:12:43.807
But when I, when I entered into divinity school, right, I got challenged with being able to give voice to my faith, right, it was, you know, like, as soon as you get into divinity school, it's all right, write this 20 page paper on who the Holy spirit is, and I'm like I just know him.

00:12:43.807 --> 00:12:57.504
20 page paper on who the Holy Spirit is, and I'm like I just know him, you know why you need, why, why you need a paper on it, like you don't walk with him, you know, and so.

00:12:57.504 --> 00:13:08.760
But it really took me through a process of being able to really be a, to really give voice to my faith and to be able to walk someone through my, my reason and my rationale for why I believe.

00:13:08.760 --> 00:13:27.591
What I believe are the deepness of God and being able to like, really, you know, like the art of preaching is you have to be able to communicate to people in a way that everybody's not thinking like you, but it has to come across the pulpit in a way that's going to land with everybody not thinking like you, but it has to come across the pulpit in a way that's going to land with everybody Right.

00:13:27.591 --> 00:13:39.461
So I can't go up there just talking about what I know and I'm not giving any foundation to it, and so I will definitely say, through the years I have learned to give voice to my intuition.

00:13:39.461 --> 00:13:49.712
It's not, it's not always logical and rational, but it is reasonable Like there is reasoning to what I'm saying.

00:13:49.712 --> 00:13:53.436
It is just not practical reasoning Like it is.

00:13:53.436 --> 00:13:58.601
And I think what people have to understand.

00:13:58.621 --> 00:14:05.143
What I try to help people understand about being intuitive versus being practical is that you are picking up on information that is unseen.

00:14:05.143 --> 00:14:06.629
So you're picking up on patterns.

00:14:06.629 --> 00:14:10.990
You're just intuitively picking up on man.

00:14:10.990 --> 00:14:19.168
This and this are related and these things are working in a cycle that nobody sees and you're just ingesting that.

00:14:19.168 --> 00:14:22.643
You're not discerning it, if that makes any sense.

00:14:22.643 --> 00:14:27.644
You're not saying like, oh, I saw A and I saw B and this is how they're working together.

00:14:27.644 --> 00:14:38.136
Your mind is just naturally picking up on this information and making sense of it, and so you have to slow yourself down and try to.

00:14:38.136 --> 00:14:57.591
It is more difficult to explain the unseen than it is for people who are a little bit more practical oriented and they can be like it's just A and B put together and you know, like, and I know it because I saw it and because I heard it and because I had a practical connection with it.

00:14:57.591 --> 00:15:18.393
You know, and so I think a lot of times when it comes to you know, one thing I do like about True Colors is that it was built on the basis of again trying to decrease conflict by increasing understanding, and a lot of times it's what we don't understand about ourselves that creates conflict.

00:15:21.360 --> 00:15:36.524
If you knew that there was a label, if we knew in college that there were labels for these things practical, intuitive, right it would have been easier to disregard the right versus wrong thinking.

00:15:36.524 --> 00:15:47.153
But because all you have in the beginning of this is what I think is right and what they're doing is wrong, it prevents us from really understanding other people.

00:15:47.153 --> 00:15:55.923
When I first started learning about personality, it was life changing for me because I was like oh my gosh, there are words for this.

00:15:55.923 --> 00:15:57.889
Like, there are labels for this.

00:15:57.889 --> 00:15:59.995
Like I am intuitive.

00:15:59.995 --> 00:16:04.792
Okay, that helps me, because not a lot of people around me were intuitive.

00:16:04.792 --> 00:16:12.605
I think in our friend group it's like me and Ashley, everybody else is is is, is more practical.

00:16:12.725 --> 00:16:18.543
Yeah, I do wonder, like, as you were talking this, that that, excuse me.

00:16:18.543 --> 00:16:21.350
So the blue right, that's who you are.

00:16:21.350 --> 00:16:24.062
I mean, that's kind of what what we're talking about.

00:16:24.062 --> 00:16:31.654
So, if you're, if you are, um, how would you, as some, how would you kind of summarize that color?

00:16:38.687 --> 00:17:10.984
I think blue, I definitely think intuitive, I think very much interested in like what's beneath the surface, not at all interested in small talk, not at all interested in you know what the weather is like, but more so interested in like the emotional well-being of other people, well-being of other people, um, the and and the and kind of like the series of whys that led there.

00:17:10.984 --> 00:17:12.267
So like, interested in the story of people.

00:17:12.267 --> 00:17:27.343
So very story oriented and very um can be optimistic and but more so idealistic, because, and when people think about idealistic, they think that people live in a world that's not real but really it's.

00:17:27.343 --> 00:17:33.405
You're living in a world of your ideals, right, you're living in a world of man.

00:17:33.405 --> 00:17:35.311
What if everybody got along?

00:17:35.311 --> 00:17:36.863
You know what if?

00:17:36.863 --> 00:17:38.425
What if the world?

00:17:38.425 --> 00:17:40.029
What if there was really world?

00:17:40.029 --> 00:17:43.969
Peace, right, because that is an ideal that you have.

00:17:43.969 --> 00:17:47.942
Right, peace, right, because that is an ideal that you have.

00:17:47.942 --> 00:17:51.989
Right, you have an ideal that everyone would be respected and would be given a chance and given an opportunity.

00:17:51.989 --> 00:17:58.265
And you see the world in a how do we push everybody towards the ideal?

00:17:58.265 --> 00:18:06.038
Right, and a lot of times, because you're looking for the fulfillment of your ideals, you become idealistic.

00:18:06.038 --> 00:18:18.467
So anytime you see a promise of that thing that you really want to see in the world happening, you begin to make that one thing, that you see the whole picture right.

00:18:18.467 --> 00:18:24.286
And so when we say that blues tend to be idealistic, right, it is really.

00:18:24.465 --> 00:18:28.484
I think, if you really like, break it down and say, well, what are your ideals?

00:18:28.484 --> 00:18:37.230
Like you know, not just your idealistic, and you live in a fairytale world and you, you know, are bound up in in something not being real.

00:18:37.230 --> 00:18:39.780
What is it that you're hoping for?

00:18:39.780 --> 00:18:57.636
Because blues are very, very hopeful, and I think that that's something I had to unlearn in my own journey was that I got to a point where I felt like I had to put my hope down to bring on reality, a more realistic view.

00:18:57.636 --> 00:19:08.095
But me putting down my hope was like Captain America putting down his shield or like Thor putting down his hammer Right, like it was.

00:19:08.095 --> 00:19:16.167
Like I got to a point where I was like, oh, oh, this is the tool that helps me to be, helps me to operate in my superhero era.

00:19:16.648 --> 00:19:17.903
No, give me my hope back.

00:19:17.903 --> 00:19:19.367
Yeah, that's good.

00:19:19.367 --> 00:19:51.605
No, and I the reason I asked that is because it seems like there's and I think there's it's kind of like this, with a lot of different personality sets, if you will like, um, and in this is the colors, but even the other ones that feel more accepted, like in society, like more easily, like digestible and and like accepted and um, that one, that kind of uh, I think I think high emotional intelligence is not something which I which I'm gonna say blues have that like.

00:19:51.644 --> 00:19:56.261
I think I think that color can be seen as like a very you don't think so.

00:19:56.442 --> 00:20:08.480
No, you disagree I don't know, it depends on the blue, I mean, I think, emotional intelligence, because the basis of that no other color is emotionally intelligent, isn't emotionally intelligent, you know.

00:20:08.480 --> 00:20:16.871
I think as far as being able to relate to other people, yes, but I think where blues may struggle is is understanding their own emotions.

00:20:17.402 --> 00:20:17.762
That's fair.

00:20:18.164 --> 00:20:18.968
That's fair yeah.

00:20:32.900 --> 00:20:39.029
But I just think about, like the intuitive nature, the optimism, the idealistic kind of thinking about certain things against, you know, a gold, for example, right the, the more traditional, like high value, goal oriented.

00:20:39.029 --> 00:20:44.859
You know, I'm very routine, like you know this, and we kind of elevate.

00:20:44.859 --> 00:20:46.204
I'm very routine, like you know this, and we kind of elevate.

00:20:46.224 --> 00:20:57.266
I think there are some traits depending on, well, depending on the like, the area of life you're talking about, and and and I think what we tend to do is.

00:20:57.266 --> 00:21:34.080
What I tend to do is, and they even tell you, when you take this because we spend so much time at work, tell you when you take this, because we spend so much time at work, and especially once you get to a certain age, work becomes the majority of your life, then we take these tests and we we really uh, uh, pigeonhole them to work and it's hard for us to see the value of, of, of, of different personalities outside of the workplace and so, like things like logic and innovation and routine and goal oriented work really well in our, in our kind of traditional workspaces.

00:21:34.080 --> 00:21:39.980
Things like idealism and optimism and hope don't nobody cares, like you know nobody cares.

00:21:40.080 --> 00:21:42.585
And so I think it's, it's, that is.

00:21:42.585 --> 00:21:48.953
That is something I think we have to unlearn, just as a society, that number one everything is.

00:21:48.953 --> 00:21:50.395
It doesn't have to revolve around work.

00:21:50.395 --> 00:21:56.753
That is really hard, and so when you see, you know like your personality.

00:21:57.840 --> 00:21:59.003
No, but that's such a.

00:21:59.003 --> 00:22:01.471
I just need to cut in real quick.

00:22:01.471 --> 00:22:04.509
That's such a difference between the 20s and the 30s man.

00:22:04.509 --> 00:22:05.232
Just need to cut in real quick.

00:22:05.232 --> 00:22:11.519
That's such a difference between the twenties and the thirties man.

00:22:11.519 --> 00:22:12.903
The twenties I was like man, work, work, workity, work.

00:22:12.903 --> 00:22:13.305
I gotta go to work.

00:22:13.305 --> 00:22:17.115
My purpose is at my job, and if my job does not give me purpose, then what am I doing here, you know?

00:22:17.617 --> 00:22:35.384
And at 35, y'all the videos that are sending me right now that I think are hilarious are the you know how millennials supervise and how people in their late 30s and 40s supervise oh, mg, okay, because we are like we were like.

00:22:35.384 --> 00:22:44.671
We spent our 20s thinking that work was the most important thing in the world, and now, when we supervise, we're like baby, I don't care, you need to take some leave.

00:22:44.671 --> 00:22:45.442
Take your leave.

00:22:45.442 --> 00:22:47.085
That's what is fault.

00:22:47.085 --> 00:22:49.671
Now, listen, you know, I listen.

00:22:49.671 --> 00:22:52.565
You want to work this 40 hours or you need to take some time.

00:22:52.565 --> 00:22:54.971
You let me know, all right, just, you know.

00:22:54.971 --> 00:22:55.980
Let me tell you something.

00:22:55.980 --> 00:22:57.001
I'm a back you up.

00:22:57.001 --> 00:22:58.463
We ready to back somebody up too.

00:22:58.463 --> 00:22:59.645
I'm a back you up.

00:22:59.645 --> 00:23:00.626
Somebody got something to say?

00:23:00.626 --> 00:23:01.288
Let me know.

00:23:01.288 --> 00:23:21.602
I got your back, okay, because we're like, when I think about I mean, when I was in my twenties and I was working, kind of like you know, to establish what I thought I wanted to be impactful, and I thought that I had to work more than everybody else to do that.

00:23:21.662 --> 00:23:28.131
And I remember shout out to Pam Green who, if you guys know me, you know that I love me some Pam Green.

00:23:28.131 --> 00:23:33.326
Pam Green was my administrative assistant for a previous role and she is the absolute best.

00:23:33.326 --> 00:23:39.747
I remember one day at work I used to be at that job till seven, eight o'clock at night.

00:23:39.747 --> 00:23:41.490
Pam would leave every day at 4.30.

00:23:41.490 --> 00:23:44.467
I mean packing her stuff up and getting ready to go.

00:23:44.847 --> 00:23:51.868
And one day Pam looked at me and she said, jaquita, I want you to have something.

00:23:51.868 --> 00:23:58.299
You know, she was like I look forward to going home every day to my husband and being with my family.

00:23:58.299 --> 00:24:00.000
And she said I want that for you.

00:24:00.000 --> 00:24:11.960
And I said I want that for me too, pam, because why am I sitting here Like, like this my whole world?

00:24:11.960 --> 00:24:14.711
But it is easy and I'm telling you I be.

00:24:14.711 --> 00:24:16.355
I was on my team about that.

00:24:16.355 --> 00:24:19.090
I was like y'all will have balance, y'all will.

00:24:19.090 --> 00:24:20.374
Y'all will have boundaries.

00:24:20.374 --> 00:24:52.868
This will not be your life, you know, and so I just think that when we think about who we are, it's so tied up in these roles and in this job, but, as a believer, like your impact is is so much greater than your, than your job, and I really want to talk about it in context of my new job, but I'm a save it because I got points of my new job, but I'm gonna save it because I got points um, can we?

00:24:52.888 --> 00:24:56.595
but can we do this, though, because I think we've hit on something interesting.

00:24:56.595 --> 00:25:15.195
Can we talk to um people who are single right now that are in there, and I, and you know, I say this I am single today, but I have been single longer than I've been married, and so she want to be so bad she want to act like she can still operate on both sides of the coin.

00:25:15.526 --> 00:25:16.991
You is married, honey.

00:25:16.991 --> 00:25:19.874
You don't get to have a single conversation, no more.

00:25:19.874 --> 00:25:22.913
I've been single longer than I've been.

00:25:22.913 --> 00:25:23.915
No, you married.

00:25:23.915 --> 00:25:28.115
You will represent the married perspective and I will represent the single one.

00:25:28.628 --> 00:25:30.948
Absolutely not, absolutely not.

00:25:30.948 --> 00:25:33.490
No, I get to still talk from that perspective.

00:25:33.490 --> 00:25:34.854
You see how she gave her little lead up.

00:25:34.854 --> 00:25:47.791
I'm still very familiar with it, but, like I think what this conversation between you and Pam that you just narrated is, really interesting and it hits home Nobody, ever, ever.

00:25:47.811 --> 00:26:01.758
I never had that particular conversation, but I did have that moment where it was like, okay, I need to find, I need to figure me out outside of this, outside of work, so that when I leave work I can still enjoy my life.

00:26:01.758 --> 00:26:04.730
Right, it doesn't feel like there was a.

00:26:04.730 --> 00:26:09.999
There was a season where if I was, if I wasn't working, I didn't know how to enjoy life.

00:26:09.999 --> 00:26:15.317
Yeah, and part of that was because I didn't really know who I was Right.

00:26:16.105 --> 00:26:20.051
I didn't really and the parts what I did understand of me.

00:26:20.051 --> 00:26:21.835
I only knew how to.

00:26:21.835 --> 00:26:25.000
I only knew how to really execute at work.

00:26:25.000 --> 00:26:29.184
I only knew how to really execute at work.

00:26:29.184 --> 00:26:29.645
So how do I so like?

00:26:29.645 --> 00:26:35.818
What do I need to do to unlearn how to actually execute these personality traits that I'm learning about myself outside of work?

00:26:35.818 --> 00:26:41.855
How do I create a space, or find spaces, where I can still be my authentic self?

00:26:42.376 --> 00:26:59.732
that is purposeful and intentional and life-giving to others and to me, outside of getting a paycheck right yeah and so, like, when I think about even these, even this assessment, and I'm looking, it's like okay, big thing for me.

00:26:59.732 --> 00:27:00.515
We talk about this all the time.

00:27:00.515 --> 00:27:03.008
I'm a curious person, I curiosity.

00:27:03.008 --> 00:27:05.294
Don't shake your head, don't roll your eyes.

00:27:05.294 --> 00:27:06.536
Okay, see this, bothers.

00:27:06.576 --> 00:27:11.474
Queen, queen, queen no, because we y'all, we've actually been talking about this all week.

00:27:11.474 --> 00:27:21.777
As far as, like me being curious, not being curious, with Abigail trying to force me to be curious and I, yeah, yeah because I think being curious is good, but it's just a natural part of who I am.

00:27:22.846 --> 00:27:28.808
So it's like, okay, where does curiosity show up in my, in life, out of work?

00:27:28.808 --> 00:27:33.291
Where does where does competency't know?

00:27:33.291 --> 00:27:58.797
It wasn't until my, it wasn't until I was in my thirties, for sure, that I I was able to to do that, and I was able to say okay, these are things that I'm actually interested in.

00:27:59.005 --> 00:28:01.073
I you know, these are conversations I like to have.

00:28:01.073 --> 00:28:02.509
These are things.

00:28:02.509 --> 00:28:19.295
These are just fun things I like to do, right, like I am totally comfortable having interesting conversations with random people and that doesn't bother me right, as long as they're conversations about something that's not surface Like I'm, cause I love asking questions.

00:28:19.484 --> 00:28:41.457
I did a, and so one of the things that helped me to understand about myself, I decided to do a program that really was like a personal development program and it it unlocked it's the reason this podcast is here, but it unlocked like these traits in me that were like I really am curious, I like trying stuff.

00:28:41.457 --> 00:28:49.556
I like you know, asking questions, like I like asking questions that a lot of people may not want to answer like I.

00:28:49.556 --> 00:28:50.678
I enjoy that.

00:28:50.738 --> 00:28:57.096
You know I'm saying welcome to welcome to my life questions that people don't want to answer you know what I did.

00:28:57.336 --> 00:29:03.395
This is so because and this this actually enhanced, I think, and whether you, whether you agree with me or not, to quit is perfect.

00:29:03.395 --> 00:29:05.248
What do you like it or not, it's perfectly fine, don't bother me.

00:29:05.769 --> 00:29:33.011
Um, when I learned how to ask better questions, but I definitely started doing it with my friends I was like every conversation I'm asking a good question oh my gosh, and I am, me, the blue, who is, you know, not focused on, like, logical and reasonable answers, but focused on feelings and harmony, you know, and I think that that's.

00:29:33.011 --> 00:29:57.317
I think that these tests are really good for understanding what's going on inside of other people when we're communicating and connecting with each other, right, because I think that for the longest time, me and Ruth Abigail did not understand what was going on inside of each other, and I think that that leads to you making judgments on other people, right?

00:29:57.317 --> 00:30:26.112
So, like, when Ruth was asking me questions, I saw it as her judging me, as her trying to like find fault in me, and I, I I judged her as being like, okay, so you think you're right and you want you're trying to figure out what's wrong with me, and the questions put me on the defense, because I didn't understand the idea of somebody just being curious.

00:30:26.112 --> 00:30:37.489
Curiosity to me came laden with feelings and emotions of like, uh-uh, nah, you trying to get information to like, prove a point, are you trying to get?

00:30:37.489 --> 00:30:41.164
You trying to get evidence to build a case, right?

00:30:41.164 --> 00:30:47.115
And so, when you like recognize more about what's going on inside of people.

00:30:47.115 --> 00:31:03.645
So when, in answer to your question like how do you, um, how do you begin to understand more about how you, who you are, your purpose, how you show up your temperaments, your preferences, how that shows up outside of work?

00:31:03.645 --> 00:31:13.075
A lot of it will come by embracing the conflict, by embracing the differences that you are seeing in your relationships with other people.

00:31:13.476 --> 00:31:41.130
And I will say, for those of us that went to college and then your college friends moved away or, like you all, like live in different states, cause I mean, I felt like in college we were having these conversations like every night, like this was the, this was the, this was the sweet, the dorm room conversation, you know, and we were really immature about it too, because it was terrible, like we almost broke up friendships based off of these type of you know, like this was, you know, and not just me and Ruth, the whole crew.

00:31:41.130 --> 00:31:44.013
Like I'm sick of you, you know.

00:31:44.013 --> 00:32:18.615
But you need to really begin to investigate what is happening when I communicate with other people, or when I'm connecting with other people, or in my relationships with other people, what is happening inside of me that maybe they're not understanding and that I'm not able to communicate because I don't fully understand what's happening inside of me and what am I misjudging that's happening inside of other people, because I haven't taken the time to really get to understand them.

00:32:18.615 --> 00:32:38.827
And the more and this is a very blue answer and I'm really sorry about that but, um, but the more that you really start to investigate, okay, what's going on inside of me and really start to investigate what are the emotions that's coming up inside of me when certain things happen.

00:32:38.827 --> 00:32:39.990
What are my responses.

00:32:40.972 --> 00:32:42.155
Investigate that stuff.

00:32:42.155 --> 00:32:43.546
You can investigate it at work.

00:32:43.546 --> 00:32:45.410
You can investigate it at church.

00:32:45.410 --> 00:32:47.114
You can investigate it with your family.

00:32:47.114 --> 00:32:48.436
You can investigate it at work.

00:32:48.436 --> 00:32:49.219
You can investigate it at church.

00:32:49.219 --> 00:32:50.040
You can investigate it with your family.

00:32:50.040 --> 00:32:51.263
You can investigate it with your friends, with your mentors.

00:32:51.263 --> 00:32:53.248
But start really taking inventory.

00:32:54.089 --> 00:33:03.050
I didn't really start understanding myself until I really started taking inventory about okay, and and, and.

00:33:03.050 --> 00:33:06.335
I will tell you start with the good and I will tell you start with the good.

00:33:06.335 --> 00:33:24.845
Start by taking inventory about what is good about me, what character trait, what skill set, what thing that I bring to a room that people have complimented me for, that I've dismissed.

00:33:24.845 --> 00:33:33.294
What things have you dismissed about yourself that are actually really pivotal and key to unlocking who you are?

00:33:33.714 --> 00:33:47.738
I got told by everybody at church that I gave good hugs and this was before I had my self-proclaimed hug ministry but I would get told like, oh, you just, oh, I mean people just falling into my arms.

00:33:47.738 --> 00:33:50.009
And I was like, oh, you know.

00:33:50.009 --> 00:33:58.413
But I also got told you just carry like this aura of love about you, like you just have this light about you, right?

00:33:58.413 --> 00:33:59.615
I dismissed it.

00:33:59.615 --> 00:34:06.317
I dismissed it because I didn't want to investigate that about myself, because I didn't yet believe it.

00:34:06.317 --> 00:34:08.806
I didn't yet believe that, I didn't yet believe that I was loving.

00:34:08.806 --> 00:34:10.931
Because we have a negativity bias.

00:34:10.931 --> 00:34:14.826
You are biased to think the worst about yourself, right?

00:34:14.826 --> 00:34:18.773
And it takes you taking a step back and embracing.

00:34:18.773 --> 00:34:22.748
First embrace the good before you stay stuck on what's negative.

00:34:22.748 --> 00:34:33.813
Try to embrace what's good about you and then try to embrace how is this, what are the things working around my good?

00:34:33.813 --> 00:34:40.893
That's trying to prevent that good from coming to the surface, and then you'll start to get to the complexity of who you are.

00:34:41.956 --> 00:35:01.922
And so because, as you're sitting here talking about it, this gold color, right, this kind of traditional, you know, needs to be useful, organized, you know, very goal-oriented, right, dependable.

00:35:01.922 --> 00:35:11.695
All those things, all those things, this it's, this is, I think this part of me is is what is immediately reacting to what you're saying, and that that is.

00:35:11.695 --> 00:35:30.059
I find looking for the good first really hard, because I'm always trying to figure out how do I get better and so that that element of my personality rubs up against this element of you know what is good, embracing what's good.

00:35:30.059 --> 00:35:34.211
It's not that I don't believe there are good things, it's like, got it, those are out there.

00:35:34.211 --> 00:35:41.436
But that's what I really need to work on are these things, and I need to put my energy into being better at these things, right?

00:35:42.485 --> 00:36:06.137
And so for those of you that have that mindset, that might be hard to do what she was suggesting, and so what helps me in that is to ask other people what they see is good about me, because it's hard for me to generate it myself, even if other people have said it.

00:36:06.137 --> 00:36:08.226
It's hard for me to generate it myself, even if other people have said it.

00:36:08.226 --> 00:36:10.853
It doesn't, it doesn't stick Right.

00:36:10.853 --> 00:36:22.572
So if you have a person and you're like I really want to, I need, I need to, I need to learn how to understand myself a little bit more, and I specifically want to start with the good.

00:36:22.572 --> 00:36:23.735
I think that's a great suggestion.

00:36:23.735 --> 00:36:30.726
I think that cause.

00:36:30.746 --> 00:36:32.030
That's going to help you stay in the fight.

00:36:32.030 --> 00:36:33.215
If you start with the bad, it's going to be depressing.

00:36:33.215 --> 00:36:34.418
Um well, if you start with the bad, that's not you.

00:36:34.418 --> 00:36:34.940
You know what I'm saying.

00:36:34.940 --> 00:36:35.543
Like you start with the.

00:36:35.543 --> 00:36:36.965
I'm not this and I'm not that.

00:36:36.965 --> 00:36:38.628
You're not you're.

00:36:38.628 --> 00:36:40.050
That's not who you are.

00:36:40.050 --> 00:36:45.818
Start with who you are, and that means starting with what inside of me works.

00:36:47.039 --> 00:36:47.800
I think that's great.

00:36:47.800 --> 00:37:02.489
And so ask if you have somebody, just one person, who knows you well enough to be able to tell you that that you trust, take that and then write down what they say, because you're going to forget it.

00:37:02.489 --> 00:37:17.454
You're going to forget it if you're wired in certain ways, if you're wired to be more goal-oriented, thinking ahead, like you're always trying to get better at certain things, and that's just what you naturally do, then you're going to need a reminder, right?

00:37:17.454 --> 00:37:22.588
So ask somebody what is it that you see that's good about me?

00:37:22.588 --> 00:37:23.028
How do you see me?

00:37:23.028 --> 00:37:24.150
And then write things down About me.

00:37:24.150 --> 00:37:25.090
Who, how do you see me?

00:37:25.090 --> 00:37:27.454
And then write things down, and then when?

00:37:27.494 --> 00:37:31.978
you need to go back to it and then, like, take inventory and use that to help you.

00:37:31.978 --> 00:37:33.719
That helps me, like I don't.

00:37:33.719 --> 00:37:35.521
I'm going to easily forget that.

00:37:36.242 --> 00:37:51.661
No, I think that that's so key because it emphasizes the importance and the power of your circle and that you really will be defined, molded and shaped by the people that are around you.

00:37:51.661 --> 00:38:00.994
And if you have people around you that are empowering you to be your best self, then you will start to see the fruit of that relationship in your life.

00:38:00.994 --> 00:38:23.065
And I know that me and Ruth Abigail joke a lot about us being different, about us pushing each other, but I think that one thing that I've really learned about just personality testing in general, but especially from the true colors, is that you really have to set your mind towards growth and not change.

00:38:23.065 --> 00:38:51.313
And I think that one thing that Ruth Abigail and my friendship has really emphasized over the years, over the almost 20 years of friendship, the thing that our friendship has constantly emphasized, is that I'm going to push you through growth and what makes something grow Light water and being in the right, in the right climate, in the right environment.

00:38:51.313 --> 00:38:52.195
You get what I'm saying.

00:38:52.195 --> 00:38:58.195
You need to have people who are going to create the right environment for your growth.

00:38:58.195 --> 00:39:00.161
You need to have those people.

00:39:00.161 --> 00:39:01.206
You get what I'm saying.

00:39:01.346 --> 00:39:04.271
And it took time, I will say.

00:39:04.271 --> 00:39:05.192
I will say this.

00:39:05.192 --> 00:39:16.018
It took time for us to grow, but we always provided the right environment for the both of us to grow, Even when we were at odds with each other.

00:39:16.018 --> 00:39:21.047
Like it was like hey, all right, I don't really understand what you got going on right now, but I love you.

00:39:21.047 --> 00:39:26.101
That's hilarious, you know, it was the climate, it was the.

00:39:26.101 --> 00:39:27.827
It was the climate, it was the.

00:39:27.827 --> 00:39:29.666
It was the watering, it was the.

00:39:29.666 --> 00:39:32.215
Hey, listen, don't you know you the bomb?

00:39:32.215 --> 00:39:34.329
Like, don't you know you that girl?

00:39:34.329 --> 00:39:35.092
You don't know that.

00:39:35.092 --> 00:39:35.954
I know that.

00:39:35.954 --> 00:39:37.385
Like, like.

00:39:37.887 --> 00:39:59.315
And it was when, I think, when our friendship really shifted was when we grew a deeper respect for who we each were, and when we grew that level of respect, like I again, I may joke with Ruth Abigail, but when I'm talking to other people about Ruth Abigail, I am like, first of all, let me tell you about my best friend.

00:39:59.456 --> 00:40:02.530
Okay, Like you ain't finna find nobody.

00:40:02.530 --> 00:40:08.157
Like you ain't gonna find nobody that's going to be able to lead like her, hustle, like her, create and innovate like her.

00:40:08.157 --> 00:40:13.248
You're not going to find nobody that's going to be able to lead like her, hustle, like her, create and innovate like her.

00:40:13.248 --> 00:40:29.099
You're not going to find nobody that's going to be able to really inspire and motivate change in an organization like Ruth Abigail and I know her and because we spent so much time really getting to know each other, all of these ideas about you know who she is I'm constantly reinforcing that.

00:40:29.099 --> 00:40:46.213
I'm like, girl, do that thing, you killing it and and the same, you know the same in reverse, you know, but it did take us getting to a level of respect and we're going to talk about this later, and I mean later, like y'all going to have to catch the next episode Okay, Later.

00:40:46.213 --> 00:40:49.539
But if you can't respect them, you can't lead them.

00:40:49.960 --> 00:40:50.300
Amen.

00:40:51.146 --> 00:40:57.757
If you can't respect them, you can't, you can't befriend them, you can't be a real friend to somebody you don't respect Absolutely.

00:40:57.757 --> 00:41:02.108
You can't, you can't, you can't pour into somebody that you don't believe in.

00:41:02.108 --> 00:41:03.010
What are you doing?

00:41:03.429 --> 00:41:03.971
Absolutely.

00:41:04.110 --> 00:41:04.751
I don't, I don't.

00:41:04.751 --> 00:41:06.614
I don't want you speaking over my life.

00:41:06.614 --> 00:41:08.434
I don't want you touching nothing I got.

00:41:08.434 --> 00:41:14.702
If all you think about me is she needs to change, I'm not we, we not for each other.

00:41:18.965 --> 00:41:26.681
You know, and I like, I like the difference you just you just said between change and growth, because it it their growth is.

00:41:26.681 --> 00:41:36.139
Uh, I don, I want to say it the environment produces growth and growth, in its time, produces change, right.

00:41:37.005 --> 00:41:38.550
But trying to change.

00:41:38.811 --> 00:41:53.146
Trying to go for change first without the growth part is damaging and it is discouraging and it can be um very arrogant right in in any kind of relationship.

00:41:53.146 --> 00:42:01.090
It's like this idea you need to change, need to change, and that's that's the constant kind of uh, uh way that you're communicating some to somebody.

00:42:01.090 --> 00:42:03.032
No, no, no, no, no.

00:42:03.032 --> 00:42:07.056
Growth is the pathway to change.

00:42:07.896 --> 00:42:17.572
And I think that when we focus on how do we help each other grow, that change happens in its own time.

00:42:17.572 --> 00:42:27.677
If there's one thing that I have learned about gardening, which I've mentioned, we do this right she got her country man.

00:42:27.677 --> 00:42:33.530
Alright, she be out there and we be gardening, and so I just gave somebody a bag of peppers today, anyway.

00:42:33.530 --> 00:42:41.288
So you're that person, ruth you're now bringing people like vegetation.

00:42:41.288 --> 00:42:43.755
I met them in the parking lot of church and.

00:42:43.978 --> 00:42:44.543
Ruth Abigail.

00:42:44.543 --> 00:42:45.550
I used to have somebody I worked with.

00:42:45.550 --> 00:42:45.911
Shout out to Bob.

00:42:45.911 --> 00:42:48.025
He used to have somebody I worked with, shout out to Bob.

00:42:48.025 --> 00:42:49.811
He used to bring me a bag of corn.

00:42:52.130 --> 00:42:53.393
Like not the first time either.

00:42:53.393 --> 00:43:00.510
We've done this before, so we've got peppers for days, but anyway, so, like if cause I love what you said about growth.

00:43:00.510 --> 00:43:07.027
It's and if, if you, if you want to understand growth, plant a garden, it is extremely.

00:43:07.027 --> 00:43:15.239
It's almost sobering to watch it, because you know that light, watering and environment is everything.

00:43:15.239 --> 00:43:21.867
We tried to grow some watermelon in our yard and they started off okay.

00:43:21.867 --> 00:43:35.835
One of the problems was that where we planted it, the way the sun is, the light wasn't shining enough, right on the watermelon, so it didn't get enough of that, the nutrients that comes from the sun.

00:43:36.326 --> 00:43:45.056
We watered it, the soil was okay, but we didn't have enough light, right, and so they came.

00:43:45.056 --> 00:43:47.311
You could see them, but they didn't grow.

00:43:47.311 --> 00:43:49.692
They started, I know.

00:43:49.692 --> 00:43:52.371
Okay, you know what I'm going to let you because I see something working in you.

00:43:52.371 --> 00:43:52.871
Come on.

00:43:53.213 --> 00:43:54.175
No, no, no, no, no.

00:43:54.175 --> 00:44:01.619
I just you know, when you think about light, light is all about reflection.

00:44:01.619 --> 00:44:13.054
Even when you think about colors, right, the way that we perceive color is based off of the way we are interpreting the way that light bounces off of an object, right?

00:44:13.054 --> 00:44:24.434
And so when you think about something having light on it or not getting enough light, you're not understanding the depth of who you are because you're not standing in the light of it.

00:44:24.673 --> 00:44:25.155
That's good.

00:44:25.465 --> 00:44:26.922
You are reflecting what you stand in the light of.

00:44:26.922 --> 00:44:27.443
So if you not standing in the light of it, that's good.

00:44:27.443 --> 00:44:28.597
You are reflecting what you stand in the light of.

00:44:28.597 --> 00:44:37.356
So if you are standing in the shadows of your doubt and your disbelief, you are not going to be able to fully materialize into who you are supposed to be.

00:44:37.356 --> 00:44:51.570
But if you go, stand in the light of this is who God created me to be, and I am good, and God created a marvelous work in me you will begin to uncover and discover who you really are it is.

00:44:51.570 --> 00:44:54.556
It is dependent on where you're standing.

00:44:54.556 --> 00:44:59.032
If you want to know who you are, get out the shadow and walk in the light.

00:44:59.393 --> 00:45:01.878
Okay, all right, all right, okay, sorry.

00:45:02.224 --> 00:45:03.427
Okay, I got excited.

00:45:03.568 --> 00:45:04.130
I know you did.

00:45:04.130 --> 00:45:05.934
That's why I said I got to pass it on.

00:45:05.934 --> 00:45:08.750
I got a tag team because I understand she got something that I needed to.

00:45:08.750 --> 00:45:11.016
I need to come out, that's good, and so.

00:45:11.016 --> 00:45:15.556
So I'm sitting here and I'm thinking, okay, so it's like we had these little watermelons.

00:45:15.556 --> 00:45:20.184
They were little, they grew, but they didn't get to the point where you can actually enjoy them, right?

00:45:20.706 --> 00:45:22.768
um, and so we also.

00:45:22.768 --> 00:45:26.152
Um, the watering process is really interesting, right?

00:45:26.152 --> 00:45:33.041
So there are some things that you, there's some things environmentally that you can control.

00:45:33.041 --> 00:45:39.554
When it rains, we don't have to worry about watering, but when it doesn't rain, you have to be intentional about watering.

00:45:39.554 --> 00:45:44.251
That watering process is every day, you cannot skip, and it's 15 minutes.

00:45:44.251 --> 00:45:50.429
I think my husband waters it 15 minutes twice a day, right, and so you just stand there and you just water it.

00:45:50.429 --> 00:45:51.411
That's all you're doing.

00:45:51.411 --> 00:45:53.936
You just water it For 15 minutes Twice a day.

00:45:53.936 --> 00:45:57.333
Yeah, it requires a lot of water, right?

00:45:58.144 --> 00:46:10.568
I will say so my point like that consistency that's a consistency thing, right, and either you have to do it or nature is going to do it, but it's got to get done every day, Right?

00:46:11.148 --> 00:46:17.987
And girl, I'm so sorry, no continue.

00:46:18.166 --> 00:46:19.289
No, no, no, no, no, go ahead.

00:46:19.909 --> 00:46:24.559
I just think it when you said either either nature is going to do it or you have to do it.

00:46:24.559 --> 00:46:31.789
How much, how much energy have you put into blaming other people for not watering you?

00:46:32.711 --> 00:46:33.552
Ooh that's good.

00:46:33.552 --> 00:46:42.518
How many times have you sat down and thought I'm this way because so-and-so didn't do this and so-and-so didn't do that?

00:46:42.518 --> 00:46:43.485
And I'm?

00:46:43.485 --> 00:46:45.407
Let me tell you something I'm in this healing.

00:46:45.407 --> 00:46:50.255
I'm in a healing class right now, so I ain't, I'm not, I'm not coming against nobody's.

00:46:50.255 --> 00:46:54.221
You know past traumatic experiences.

00:46:54.221 --> 00:46:57.391
We all went through some traumatic experiences.

00:46:58.072 --> 00:47:06.733
But when are you going to water yourself, when you know what I'm saying Like, if you not getting it, you need to go to the source?

00:47:06.733 --> 00:47:11.503
And you know what I'm saying Like, if you're not getting it, you need to go to the source.

00:47:11.503 --> 00:47:12.565
You need to go get watered.

00:47:12.565 --> 00:47:14.246
You need to.

00:47:14.246 --> 00:47:15.128
You need it's living water waiting on you.

00:47:15.128 --> 00:47:19.157
And you, you have to be responsible for going to the well.

00:47:19.157 --> 00:47:43.628
Yeah, instead of sitting back thinking about how nobody has come to water you and I can say that because I've been there I spent so much time and energy frustrated because I could not understand why people refuse to understand me and to get me and to make me feel like it was okay to be who I was.

00:47:43.628 --> 00:47:49.692
Know, when you think about being that blue, it's not traditional, you know it's not.

00:47:49.692 --> 00:47:55.474
Society is not built for the idealist, for the romanticist, for the emotional.

00:47:55.474 --> 00:47:57.516
You know what I'm saying.

00:47:57.516 --> 00:47:59.717
Checklist efficiency.

00:47:59.717 --> 00:48:15.630
I am probably one of the least efficient people I know, because it is.

00:48:15.630 --> 00:48:17.253
Did you just amen me?

00:48:17.253 --> 00:48:17.813
I tell you.

00:48:17.893 --> 00:48:24.288
Ruth, Abigail, take you off track real quick.

00:48:24.288 --> 00:48:30.139
I am not an efficient person because my mind is not focused on the best way to do it.

00:48:30.139 --> 00:48:48.273
My mind is focused on how can we do this in a new and exciting way, Like, I want things to be exciting, not efficient, Right and so, and so it took me and that's really my orange coming out, but it took me a while to be like no exciting is necessary.

00:48:48.273 --> 00:48:56.367
Sometimes, galvanizing people and creating energy in atmospheres that is a gift of mine and it's it's necessary.

00:48:56.367 --> 00:48:58.130
And I had to water that.

00:48:58.130 --> 00:49:06.094
I had to be like hey, I'm really good at creating energy and really making sure that everybody feels boosted by what we're doing.

00:49:06.094 --> 00:49:13.534
Hey, I'm really good at creating great community and team environments and everybody feeling that sense of belonging.

00:49:13.534 --> 00:49:15.652
Hey, I'm really good at developing people.

00:49:16.045 --> 00:49:28.342
I had to start watering myself, and if you got to get in the mirror and talk to yourself and tell yourself, girl, you that girl, man, you that guy, you that one, you need to do that.

00:49:28.342 --> 00:49:32.952
Y'all need to start speaking positively to yourself about you.

00:49:32.952 --> 00:49:37.420
Water your own garden If nobody else has watered it.

00:49:37.420 --> 00:49:43.548
You need to be finding you some scriptures, finding you some affirmations, finding you some things that speak well of you.

00:49:43.889 --> 00:49:45.311
That's right, that's correct.

00:49:45.311 --> 00:49:56.778
Water your own garden and this is the last thing I'm going to say about the garden, because you mentioned three things, so I got to hit on them from that practical standpoint.

00:49:56.778 --> 00:49:57.583
You see how this is working.

00:49:57.583 --> 00:50:00.833
See, I'm being practical and she pulling out that this good, okay, this is good, this is good.

00:50:00.853 --> 00:50:01.094
Listen.

00:50:01.114 --> 00:50:19.291
It took us a while to figure this friendship out, but we got it, but the thing that I was the most fascinated with when it comes to our garden was the ground it's the thing I was most fascinated with the process of it right so we I mean our we have a backyard.

00:50:19.291 --> 00:50:21.094
It was grass, and so we have to figure out we.

00:50:21.094 --> 00:50:25.050
We carved out a, a slice of the yard in order to to do this garden.

00:50:25.291 --> 00:50:25.992
Of course I did.

00:50:26.452 --> 00:50:27.715
Our garden is not.

00:50:27.715 --> 00:50:28.778
We don't pot anything.

00:50:28.778 --> 00:50:40.117
It comes straight from the ground, right, and so the thing that you have to do is you have to till the ground and basically you have to get all the grass out, get down to the dirt.

00:50:40.117 --> 00:50:41.672
The soil has to be right.

00:50:41.672 --> 00:50:43.431
Then you have to prepare the soil for it.

00:50:43.431 --> 00:50:48.925
That process is by far the hardest thing I've ever seen anyone.

00:50:48.925 --> 00:50:52.719
It's one of the hardest things I've ever seen somebody do up close, um, to watch.

00:50:52.719 --> 00:50:54.786
Uh, my husband till.

00:50:54.786 --> 00:51:03.750
It was a tiller and like it was breaking up the it had never been the fallow ground it sure, the fallow ground.

00:51:03.769 --> 00:51:14.057
very good, it was breaking up all that stuff, right, everything that the ground accumulated in however many decades of being there and that house being there, and all this stuff.

00:51:14.057 --> 00:51:15.969
I don't know how, I don't know, it doesn't?

00:51:15.969 --> 00:51:21.007
It did not look like a garden had ever been planted, and if it had, it's been a long time.

00:51:21.007 --> 00:51:27.552
So you have to go underneath the ground, dig it up, get all that stuff out, and then you have to kill the stuff that will then, uh, harm.

00:51:27.552 --> 00:51:30.219
You have to go underneath the ground, dig it up, get all that stuff out, and then you have to kill the stuff that will then harm.

00:51:30.219 --> 00:51:34.289
You have to put stuff, chemicals, in the ground to make sure that the things that are everything's dead.

00:51:34.289 --> 00:51:36.572
That would harm what you're about to plant.

00:51:37.695 --> 00:51:43.914
And so here's what's cool about that Once that's done, you can plant anything.

00:51:43.914 --> 00:51:45.780
You can plant anything.

00:51:45.780 --> 00:51:48.527
So you know, there are certain things you plant in the summer.

00:51:48.527 --> 00:51:54.027
We planted the peppers, tomatoes, watermelon, squash, cucumbers, all that stuff.

00:51:54.027 --> 00:52:07.489
And then there are things you plant in the winter Right now we have, I think, cabbage greens and something else and there are things you plant in the spring, and all this stuff we don't have to till it again.

00:52:07.489 --> 00:52:14.492
We don't have to do anything to the ground that's a, that's a one-time thing, but it is the only it is the.

00:52:14.572 --> 00:52:16.777
It is the thing that is required.

00:52:17.077 --> 00:52:45.275
If you don't have good soil, I don't care how much light you have, how much water you have ain't nothing right and so if you, if the and I think this is this is I'm not that think this is a big reason why we want to do this personality kind of um, unlearning your personality, um, uh, you know, series, because you gotta do the hard work of getting to fresh soil like you have to do that.

00:52:45.275 --> 00:52:52.067
If you don't do that then any other thing you try to do to grow will fail.

00:52:52.067 --> 00:52:54.251
Anything else you do.

00:52:54.251 --> 00:53:03.010
If the part, if the, if who you are isn't prepared to have the nutrients isn't prepared to get, the the right.

00:53:03.250 --> 00:53:07.157
Uh, the isn't prepared for the seeds, isn't prepared for the?

00:53:07.157 --> 00:53:15.983
Um, uh, the water isn't prepared for the sunlight, anything else is not going to grow and it won't work.

00:53:16.003 --> 00:53:37.248
You know what I mean, and so I think that's that is, but it's the hardest part of the whole process and it's the most challenging and it hurts the most right, but you have to be sure that you, that you make that happen get, say, say it like you said it again, like you have to get rid of everything you have that have.

00:53:37.710 --> 00:54:05.735
Yeah, you have to get rid of when the soil you've got to get, you've got to get rid of everything that would kill the seed um, you got to get rid of it.

00:54:05.755 --> 00:54:07.157
It's got to be fresh.

00:54:07.157 --> 00:54:09.557
It's got to be fresh single folk.

00:54:09.557 --> 00:54:22.634
You know, when we think about I don't think we we realize how much the stuff that's in your soul is going to impact the seed of your new relationship.

00:54:22.634 --> 00:54:25.539
You get what I'm saying.

00:54:25.539 --> 00:54:35.018
Like I think you want to plant the seed of marriage, of togetherness, of the strength of relationship.

00:54:35.018 --> 00:54:37.347
You want to plant the seed of vulnerability.

00:54:37.347 --> 00:54:44.809
You want to plant all of that into a ground that you've been unwilling to till, you've been unwilling to break up.

00:54:44.809 --> 00:54:55.889
And you think you're going to plant the seed in that ground and that because you water it with your expectation and your hope and because you put it in the light you praying Lord, do it.

00:54:55.889 --> 00:54:57.054
Lord, do it, lord, do it.

00:54:57.054 --> 00:55:01.407
And the Lord is saying break up your ground, god dog clean up.

00:55:04.632 --> 00:55:06.253
Whoa whoa, whoa whoa.

00:55:07.215 --> 00:55:10.519
Break up your ground, you trying to put it in the light.

00:55:10.519 --> 00:55:12.148
Lord bless it, lord bless it.

00:55:12.148 --> 00:55:12.909
Lord bless it.

00:55:12.909 --> 00:55:14.050
Lord bless it.

00:55:14.050 --> 00:55:15.052
Water it, water it.

00:55:15.052 --> 00:55:16.755
We going to be all right, we going to be all right.

00:55:16.755 --> 00:55:20.512
I believe, I believe, I believe, but you won't do the work.

00:55:20.512 --> 00:55:31.815
You won't do the work of digging up what inside of you, because you are the ground, what's inside of you that would threaten your seed.

00:55:31.815 --> 00:55:34.331
You got to do the work.

00:55:34.331 --> 00:55:50.271
You got to figure out, lord, what old mindsets, what old belief systems, what old ideologies, what old hurt, what old pain, what old trauma, what old what.

00:55:50.271 --> 00:55:54.021
I got some other seeds in there that are there illegally.

00:55:54.021 --> 00:55:55.045
What old what?

00:55:55.045 --> 00:55:58.025
I got some other seeds in there that are there illegally.

00:55:58.105 --> 00:56:09.610
You holding, you think, holding on to, you know, I wish you know, even and this is something the Lord just checked me on recently you holding on to the, to the fact that you wish that last relationship had worked, and you've been holding on to that.

00:56:09.610 --> 00:56:20.659
That is a seed in your ground that will threaten the growth of the seed you praying and asking God for and you're wondering why the Lord has not bought you that new seed.

00:56:20.659 --> 00:56:45.264
It's because what is in your ground would threaten the growth of what you're asking God to give you In 2025, y'all what we going to do is we're going to examine our soul and we're gonna say, lord, take out anything that's in my soul that would threaten the seed of what you're putting in to prosper for the next year.

00:56:45.264 --> 00:56:47.226
Y'all, we got two months.

00:56:47.226 --> 00:56:54.550
Let's, let's break the soul up, let's get threats.

00:56:54.550 --> 00:56:56.271
You mean what's in me?

00:56:56.271 --> 00:56:58.532
That old hurt I'm holding on to.

00:56:58.532 --> 00:57:00.855
That unforgiveness, that doubt, that fear.

00:57:00.855 --> 00:57:05.277
That's what's been threatening my promise, because that's what your seed is.

00:57:05.277 --> 00:57:06.217
That's your promise.

00:57:06.217 --> 00:57:09.500
That's that thing you keep praying for and asking God for.

00:57:09.800 --> 00:57:11.581
Lord, I want financial security.

00:57:11.581 --> 00:57:13.242
Lord, I want a spouse.

00:57:13.242 --> 00:57:14.563
Lord, I want family.

00:57:14.563 --> 00:57:16.724
Lord, I want financial security.

00:57:16.724 --> 00:57:17.204
Lord, I want a spouse.

00:57:17.204 --> 00:57:18.065
Lord, I want family.

00:57:18.065 --> 00:57:22.427
Lord, I want increased spiritual growth.

00:57:22.427 --> 00:57:23.510
Lord, I want to be healthy, healed and whole.

00:57:23.510 --> 00:57:29.568
You praying for these things, but the Lord is saying let me till your soil and every time God comes knocking at the door, you won't open it in for him to come.

00:57:29.568 --> 00:57:33.976
Do the work In 2025,.

00:57:33.976 --> 00:57:38.655
Friends, we tilling soil.

00:57:38.655 --> 00:57:44.217
No, before we get to 2025, go ahead and submit yourself to the process of.

00:57:44.217 --> 00:57:46.251
I'm going to do a soil check.

00:57:46.251 --> 00:57:49.789
Kind of sound like soil check, don't it?

00:57:49.789 --> 00:57:54.996
I'm going to do a check, examine yourselves and I'm look.

00:57:54.996 --> 00:57:55.905
Examine yourselves because that's what.

00:57:55.905 --> 00:57:57.811
And I'm only saying that because that's what I'm doing.

00:57:57.811 --> 00:58:00.306
I'm not saying that for no high in the mighty place.

00:58:00.306 --> 00:58:00.768
That's what.

00:58:00.829 --> 00:58:05.664
That's the process I've been in I just don't even know where that came from.

00:58:05.664 --> 00:58:31.251
It came from you, what you're talking about, no, no, no, I mean, I understand, I know I get it, but that right there, and I say this you know, now I'm gonna speak from a married hat before I will speak from a single head, because I still you were never speaking for no but I, if that ain't the truth, man like you better know, you better let.

00:58:31.251 --> 00:58:39.751
And here's the thing it's just inviting god to start the process it's just not expecting it to be complete.

00:58:40.193 --> 00:58:51.675
Understand that tilling process may not be complete, right and come on, but you gotta, you gotta, the process has to start and so don't don't.

00:58:51.675 --> 00:59:02.945
I think the, I think the other side of that is don't, don't, um, don't prevent what might what, what might come your way because you don't feel like you're done tilling.

00:59:02.945 --> 00:59:11.239
Hold on, because whoever god brings you will, will, will, add to the tilling and that that's.

00:59:11.239 --> 00:59:13.954
But you don't because okay, let me see if I can make this make sense.

00:59:13.954 --> 00:59:25.820
So you, you, god is going to start the process and the person he brings into your life, your spouse, should be partnering with God in that same process.

00:59:25.820 --> 00:59:27.786
It.

00:59:27.786 --> 00:59:36.813
But if it doesn't, if you know, if you don't feel, if you don't understand what it's like to feel with God, and then somebody else comes along and starts to help till you, it's going to feel like an attack.

00:59:36.813 --> 00:59:38.710
And it's not an attack.

00:59:38.710 --> 00:59:41.092
Girl, I almost threw something at the laptop.

00:59:41.224 --> 00:59:44.650
Girl shut up and keep on talking.

00:59:44.784 --> 00:59:53.268
It's going to feel like an attack, because you're not prepared for somebody to come and help you grow, because you feel like you're just breaking me down.

00:59:53.268 --> 00:59:57.014
He's not breaking you down, he's breaking you up, and that's important.

00:59:57.014 --> 00:59:59.518
Ooh, that's important.

01:00:00.119 --> 01:00:00.840
Y'all we.

01:00:01.460 --> 01:00:02.121
We on one.

01:00:02.121 --> 01:00:03.123
I don't know where this is at Listen.

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I don't know where y'all at, but y'all better get with it.

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Because let me tell you something, you know it is just I am at a space in my life where I'm like I'm not going to let nothing, I'm not going to let nothing hinder me from walking in the goodness of God.

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There are so many areas that the enemy has made us believe that God is not good, because we went years seeing no progress, seeing no change, seeing no growth, and you thought God forgot about you.

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And this is the year I've been saying this since January.

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This is the year of what God always intended.

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And what God always intended was for you to be fully free, for you to be fully loved and for you to be fully known.

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God always intended for you to walk in all of who you are, knowing that you are supported and that you are loved by God and that you are protected by him.

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That is what God intended.

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But somewhere along the line, along the line we believe that we did not deserve what God said he had for us.

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Somewhere along the line you believed you wasn't worthy of God planting.

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Somewhere along the line you believed you wasn't worthy and the rocks that got in your soul, soul, soul, soul, soul, soul, soul, soul, soul.

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The rocks that got into your soul, the things that have been sitting there for decades, decades.

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It's been sitting there and the Lord is saying this is the year of what I always intended.

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This is the year where you see who I really am, where we grow in relationship together.

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And I got to get your soul, I got to till that, I got to break that up because I got good seed that you and just as much as we've been asking God for things God wants to give us, those things.

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Yeah, that's right.

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There is no lack of desire on God's part for blessing us.

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Not at all.

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There's no lack of desire on God's part for wanting to see us in our best lives, with all of the things that he promised us.

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That's not who he is.

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But when you and I and I, just I'm telling y'all because that is, you can ask me that, because it's not who he is.

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But when you and I and I, just I'm telling y'all because that is, you can ask with that, because exactly where I am, like, when you, when you give in to the process of allowing your soul soul to be investigated and surrendered to god for his tilling it is, you will back away from the idea of it being an attack to thinking this is the most loving process I've ever been in, because you will realize that the things that you've been holding on to because you thought that God wasn't with you, the Bible says yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me In your darkest moments, in your most traumatic instances.

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When you begin to allow God to break the soul up, what you will realize is that, as that soul is breaking up, you'll be like oh oh wait, lord, you were there.

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Oh, you had my back.

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Oh, you covered me.

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Oh, you protected me.

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Oh, you still love me through all of that and it will be the most loving experience you will ever go through.

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But I promise y'all we about to walk into some freedom.

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Ain't that the point of this podcast?

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We about to walk into some freedom in this next year.

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Amen.

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We are, because this is the unlearning process.

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Unlearning is the breakdown, it is the breaking up of who you thought you needed to be, what you thought you always knew, and it's breaking that up into a new, new reality and refined truth.

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And that is, and that's the only way that you're going to be able to go from here to there, Like, and that's what we want to do and that's what this podcast is about, that's what the these episodes about and that's really what our hearts are like, because it's not it's we have.

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We are consistently going through this process and I think, because we work with people, we see the value of going through the process and we also see how people aren't like, we see the consequences of not going through it.

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And it's tough, man, because you don't have to be the same Like you don't have to continue to accept what keeps coming your way and it's not, it's it.

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And most of the time it's not an out there issue, it's an in here issue, and it's just if we can begin to shift and go through the process of shifting what we thought we understood about ourselves what we believed about ourselves?

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What life has taught you about yourself?

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If you can begin to unlearn those things, then the things that you're looking for will become more clear to you and apparent because it's not that they're not there, but you can't see them yeah and and so that and we know, we know what it's like to be on one side of that coin and we know what it's like to be on the other, and so that's just what we.

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We hope that these, you know, these conversations um that we have week to week are helping to do.

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You know what I'm saying?

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Like is is is for those of you that are interested in changing your mind about you, so that you can be more free.

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That's what we want to do so funny story, right, we gonna, we gonna, we gonna be real.

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The the true, this true colors one.

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If we had to rate them wasn't our favorite right no um, not gonna lie.

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So this is crazy that I feel like this episode went way better than we thought when I tell you we were prepared to be like all right, if y'all work with middle schoolers, why don't you, uh, use this true colors assessment?

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man, this thing went way better boy.

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Oh yeah, man listen when you try colors.

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Man shout out to the lord because and shout out to the true colors that the lord used to prove us wrong.

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Uh, thank you, that's.

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That's real.

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Because we we were not, we did not have high expectations Listen for this particular one, but this was good.

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This one of the ones I'm going to definitely go back and listen to.

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Oh, for sure no just for my own self.

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Listen, I think that this, this one is, represents a turning point for for all of us.

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I think that it's one thing to know your personality.

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It's another thing to kind of be moving forward in your destiny and you have to move from self-awareness to some type of purposeful like all right, I'm going to take all this information I learned about myself and I'm going to push forward into another level of purpose and ministry and mission.

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And because I'm going to go moving and I think the purpose of personality assessments is that again, that you will believe the best about yourself None of these assessments were like hey, here's what's wrong with you, about yourself.

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None of these assessments were like and here's what's wrong with you.

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You know they were all like man, look look at you.

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Like you, you add such a value to the world.

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And I think that if, if, if you got even just that from one of these episodes so far, then we're we're starting to accomplish our purpose purpose.

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Well, y'all, that's it, we're done.

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Um, that was good, that was good, uh.

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So again, like, share, subscribe, follow.

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Uh, make sure that on the youtube you're clicking that thumbs up button, man.

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Um, real talk.

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If there is a piece of this that you think would be really helpful for somebody else, just share.

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Share it with them and say you know, fast forward to this that you think would be really helpful for somebody else, just share, share it with them and say you know, fast forward to this point, you know?

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don't you know what I mean?

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Maybe you don't want to go through the whole hour, that's okay, but, like, share, share the clip, share the clip.

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You know what I'm saying.

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Share, share a section that you think is it would be helpful for somebody else.

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Um, and, and just let's not keep this to ourselves, you know, let's, let's, let's share it and, uh, be sure again to comment, let us know what you think.

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Yeah, it's also helpful if, if you found something helpful, put the timestamp in the comment so that other people can go find that point, because I feel like there was a lot of really, really good stuff given in this one Um, and if you want to lead them straight to the meat, I ain't mad at it.

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I ain't mad at all.

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I ain't mad at all.

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All right, y'all.

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Well, until next time, let us keep unlearning together so that we all can experience more freedom.

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And we'll see y'all later.

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Peace, bye, bye.

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Thank you once again for listening to the Unlearned Podcast.

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We would love to hear your comments and your feedback about the episode.

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Feel free to follow us on Facebook and Instagram and to let us know what you think.

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We're looking forward to the next time when we are able to unlearn together to move forward towards freedom.

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See you then.