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June 25, 2024

Talks With Middle Adults: Unlearning and Growing in Our Faith Journey Pt. 2

Talks With Middle Adults: Unlearning and Growing in Our Faith Journey Pt. 2
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Ever wondered what happens when preconceived notions of faith community clash with reality? Ruth recounts her eye-opening experience at divinity school, confronting her own self-righteousness and learning to see others through a more compassionate, God-like lens. Through their stories, Ruth and Jaquetta highlight the importance of personal growth, differentiation, and the ongoing process of self-discovery. We share heartfelt anecdotes about overcoming legalism, the evolution of friendships through honest confrontations, and the necessity of self-awareness and vulnerability in cultivating deeper relationships.

Discover the power of genuine prayer and honesty with God as we discuss the transformative potential of being brutally open about our struggles and fears. Ruth and Jaquetta encourage listeners to rest in God's love, trust the process of self-discovery, and embrace the journey towards greater freedom and peace. As we look forward to our upcoming series on "Unlearning Entrepreneurship," this episode serves as a profound reminder that faith, like any journey, requires continual unlearning and growth. Join us for a thought-provoking conversation that promises to inspire and challenge your faith walk.

Chapters

00:05 - Unlearning and Growing in Faith

16:26 - Changing My Major to Religion

28:52 - Journey to Differentiation and Purpose

35:37 - Unlearning Self-Righteousness and Embracing Love

51:57 - Rooting Out Self-Righteousness Through Love

01:04:07 - Overcoming Fear and False Humility

01:17:33 - Encouraging Faith Journeys and Unlearning

Transcript
WEBVTT

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hello everybody and welcome once again to the unlearned podcast.

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I am your host, ruth abigail aka r?

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A hello friends, it's your girl, chiquita and this is the podcast that is helping you gain the courage to change your mind so that you and us can experience more freedom.

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And we are back for part two.

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Part two.

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Part two Quina yes.

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Part two, part two.

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Part two of us talking about what we've unlearned in our faith journeys.

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So if you haven't listened to the last episode, we're going to encourage you to do that, because we actually didn't get past one point.

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We did one, for one and a half says one and a half says one but we basically didn't get down the list because it was just like we, just we, just, we just spent.

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It was just worth talking about my God, my Lord.

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Right, my Lord, you right, my Lord, you can get caught up.

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It's like fire.

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It's like fire Shut up in my bones.

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That's it, hallelujah.

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There's a lot of fire and now it's unshut.

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And the fact that it's unshut, you can go listen to it.

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Unshut is crazy.

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Well, it's crazy.

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So, but what we do want to do, just to kind of just so that you're aware of the framework that we are kind of going through, quida and I are sharing some things we've unlearned in our faith journey from our 20s until now.

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And so, quida, what, what was the point, what's kind of the point that we unpacked at the last episode?

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So I think that we started unpacking a point and it really just took us on a journey.

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The point that we started with in the last episode was just unlearning the idea that the same fervor that I had in the beginning of my walk with God will continue to fuel my continued path, and how the answer to unlearning that was learning that discipline determines my direction in my faith walk.

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And so if y'all want more than that, you got to go check it out.

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Okay, because me and Ruth was we were hitting the points.

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Okay, we were giving it out.

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Okay, because me and Ruth was we were hitting the points.

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Okay, we were giving the juice.

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Okay, and we done told y'all we didn't learn this stuff the easy way.

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Okay, through many toils, trials and tribulations.

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Okay, we came across what we have.

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And so this little bit that I have I give to you and I need y'all to go watch that episode and get it.

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Okay, because it was good.

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All right, that's right.

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So go check out the episode.

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We're going to keep moving into the next point.

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So we also kind of talked a little bit about our backgrounds.

00:02:58.966 --> 00:03:01.889
So my background is very different than Queda's background.

00:03:05.719 --> 00:03:07.043
Queda did not grow up traditionally in church.

00:03:07.043 --> 00:03:08.187
She was she exposed to the church.

00:03:08.187 --> 00:03:09.490
But I liked the way she puts this.

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You know, and I'm totally speaking for you, not that you don't have a microphone and can't say anything for yourself, but I I liked the way she puts this.

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It's a like grew up on the outskirts of church.

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I think that's a really good way of putting it.

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I did not.

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I grew up in church, squarely in church, drenched in it.

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So I know a lot of y'all have that same story.

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You are part of a church since you can remember Maybe your parents were in ministry or very involved in the church they had you there when the church opens and when it closed.

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Y'all was there all the days of the week.

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Now I will say we wasn't there.

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We was there twice a week, three times a week, once a month when we had what we called SWAT, soul Winners Action Team.

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Look we would go out, we would go out.

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Y'all went to the highways and the byways.

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We went to the highways and the byways, to the neighborhoods, to the sick, and shut in.

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We knock on the door.

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Do you know the Lord?

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You know we did that.

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So anyway, that was every first Saturday, right, so I was.

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And then we had church, you know, Sunday morning, Sunday night, Sunday school, you know, Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday church.

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I mean, we were in it right.

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So we had very different experiences.

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Quida and I my that part of my life was very much driven by my parents as it would be, you know well, not necessarily for everybody, so for me it was driven by my parents.

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My father is a pastor.

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He is still a pastor.

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My mom grew up in church her whole life, a very, very dedicated woman of God, and so when they got together, they said our children are going to be in the church.

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And that's exactly what happened.

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Not only that, they also put us in Christian school, kindergarten through 12th grade, and so we have Bible class every day.

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I mean, I have Bible class every day From the time I started school to the time I ended it.

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Say a verse right now, off the top of your head.

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Say a verse.

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I know you know them John 3, 16.

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For God so loved the world, don't test me now.

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Now catch me at a sword drill.

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You're not going to.

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I got you right A sword drill is You're not, you're not going to.

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I got you Right.

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A sword drill is crazy.

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Those of you that don't know what that means.

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Right In the Bible, there's a scripture that talks about the Bible as a two-edged sword.

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Two-edged, ah, no, that's King, like I speak, that's me.

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No, I was completely with it.

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Keep going, I got you.

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Yeah, it's a double-edged sword, by the way, double-edged sword, two-edged sword, whatever.

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Y'all know this.

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How you know, I grew up in church.

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Nobody says edged Um and so uh, so anyway, so we call sometimes the Bible is referred to as a sword, so we call these things sword drills where you, basically you say a verse and the first person to flip to the verse gets a point.

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We used to do this all the time.

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These are, these are the types of things I grew up doing.

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I don't know if that was y'all, so I grew up very, very much in that.

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I was.

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I was if, if, uh, if the dictionary had, uh, if there was a picture next to adopted her parents' faith, it would be my picture.

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I was very much attached to the faith of my parents uh from up until I went to college.

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So what I, what I had to unlearn, is that my and I'm I'm kind of thinking through how to phrase this Uh, so I had to unlearn that my faith journey won't necessarily always lead me to where my parents landed.

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My Lord, talk about it, my faith journey may not always lead me to where my parents landed.

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My faith journey may not always lead me to where my parents landed, and that it was a very hard lesson for me.

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And what I mean by that is not, you know, for me, I think mostly, but as far as maybe, things that I believe we might disagree in some things, which is totally okay.

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Christians disagree all the time, and there are some things that I grew up in that I don't necessarily think are totally accurate now, that maybe one or both of my parents may be like I disagree with you, and so I had to learn that that was okay and it was very much tested in college.

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So I'm going to tell the story.

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Queen has heard this story.

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Wait, which story are you about to tell?

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I got a couple on the.

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I got a couple I could tell I know you do and that I've been telling actually.

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Well, what's the story you could tell?

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Go?

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ahead, you're going to want to lead this conversation.

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No, no, no.

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I'm curious, though what story are you thinking of?

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That story when you locked in the room.

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Oh, oh, I wasn't going to tell that one.

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I'll tell you that in person.

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Catch me in person.

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I'll tell you that one in person.

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Catch her in person and say Ruth, do you know the Holy Ghost?

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Yeah, tell me.

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No, catch me in person, the Holy Ghost.

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Yeah, tell me now, Catch me if I'm not doing that on air.

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But I will tell a story.

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I was and Queda mentioned this some in her when she shared what she had to learn in the last episode is being really impacted by her friends.

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I was very much impacted by my friends in college.

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The first way I was impacted was because I didn't have a car, and so you have to understand we don't have a car.

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You are forced to go where they go If you want to leave.

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You know what I'm saying.

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I have to you know.

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so I grew up in a traditional black Baptist church and then I grew up in a multi-ethnic community Presbyterian church and then I grew up in a multi-ethnic community Presbyterian church.

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So I got all kinds of experiences.

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That's kind of wrapped up in me.

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But what I did grow up in was a charismatic community.

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So you know, and for those of you that don't know what that is right, that's essentially when I speak of that, I'm specifically talking about communities that really, um, had had more emphasis not not the most emphasis, but just more emphasis than I was used to on, uh, speaking in tongues and prophetic words and, um, those types of like um, what's the word I'm looking for, what's the word I'm looking for?

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Pentecostal, y'all.

00:09:51.595 --> 00:09:52.556
Yeah, Pentecostal.

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Yeah, that kind of Pentecostal leaning, not the denomination.

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Yeah, Pentecostal leaning.

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Anyway, that's what I mean, so hopefully that made sense.

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I wasn't used to that.

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When I got to college I was much more exposed to that than I ever had been.

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And I'm supposed to that at two different churches, and so there were some things that I had to wrestle with theologically around how I grew up versus what I was experiencing there.

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The biggest rub I had, if I'm honest, wasn't necessarily a theological rub, mostly because I wasn't all that like I wasn't.

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I wasn't at the point where I was like I wasn't a Bible scholar or anything like that, so I didn't really.

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I knew what I read and I read to understand some things, but the biggest thing that scared me about that was that I didn't think it lined with my parents lined up, and so I was really nervous about that and it, it, it.

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It had me stuck for a while.

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Uh, and I I spent a lot of time wrestling with that idea of what happens when the experiences I'm having with God might not land me in the place that I feel.

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Like my parents taught me, or that the places that my parents were a part of or in leadership of had taught me what happens, what do I do with that, and that that had that really wrecked me for a while, like it wrecked me for a while to the point where I had to I mean, I had to come just face to face with some things and uh talk to them about how to uh talk to them about like, hey, this is kind of what I think is what I believe, um, and that was really hard unlearning that your, your, your journey may not land you where your parents landed.

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It doesn't mean that God's not walking with you, and that's where I had to really have a deeper trust that just because you have some disagreements with your parents doesn't mean God isn't with you.

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It is your walk, it is your journey.

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You've got to wrestle with these things.

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You got to wrestle with these things.

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It doesn't mean that you also have to wrestle with them.

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It's okay, it's okay.

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So, anyway, I don't know, that's one of the things I've had to unlearn and, to this day, there's just some things that I don't embrace to the level my parents do, that I don't embrace to the level my parents do, uh, that that there are things that they don't.

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They don't embrace the way I do.

00:12:54.063 --> 00:13:11.412
Um, you know, and we make each other better as a result of it, and for some of you that might be confusing, because it's like okay, and I will even say beyond parent and child just the idea of I get this a lot with people who are probably like on the fence of Christianity or you know, like you know, I'm kind of a Christian, but not really.

00:13:11.412 --> 00:13:19.765
And one of the reasons because, man, y'all, but how are there so many different beliefs and denominations Like, shouldn't it all just be one thing, like, how do you just what, what, why?

00:13:19.765 --> 00:13:22.551
Why is there so much uh, seeming division?

00:13:22.551 --> 00:13:29.323
So there's, and that that that could be a really difficult thing to understand in and of itself.

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And also, at no time in the world did any group of people agree on everything Like, so Christianity is not, is it?

00:13:40.630 --> 00:13:42.554
Christians are no different, right?

00:13:42.554 --> 00:13:55.326
There are some certain core things and core beliefs that in order to have the name Christian, you have to have, but there are some things that are kind of just exploratory.

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Honestly, you just have to, you just have to be willing to go through that process and different people land in different places and that's okay, so that.

00:14:03.072 --> 00:14:07.023
So that's, that's a, that's a difficult, sometimes can be hard to get to grab.

00:14:07.023 --> 00:14:45.471
Queda said it in in the in the episode before and just repeated it here the idea of discipline and and and kind of building that skill of discipline will really help with that tension, because part of that discipline is studying and, and being willing to understand, being willing to go deeper than just your experience yeah, because I think I think what's important is understanding that, like it wasn't a fly by night.

00:14:45.751 --> 00:14:59.850
Like change Right, Like and I think that there was an honor for, like you know, like my parents raised me in the church, my parents raised me as a believer and I am not leaving that.

00:14:59.850 --> 00:15:06.044
Like you did not leave God to go find God Right.

00:15:06.044 --> 00:15:19.956
Like you developed your own relationship with God and, in so doing, learned a different side of God, learned what you needed from God to continue moving forward in your journey with God.

00:15:19.956 --> 00:15:52.033
It was not a I put something down, it was I picked up more understanding and I think that you did a beautiful job of carrying that to's also, just the um, just the acknowledgement that they are watching you and that they're.

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I think that you know, I'm not a parent yet, but I mentor a lot of people.

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But you get to a point where you start learning from them.

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You know, and I think that there are things that your parents have learned.

00:16:04.148 --> 00:16:06.065
I can't speak for them, but I love them, Hello.

00:16:06.065 --> 00:16:09.741
But you know, I think that there are things that you have learned from that.

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They are learning from you through your walk, just as you've learned from them by watching their walk.

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You know, it's interesting because I was like I don't know if I'm going to have anything to add to this, but I do because I had kind of a very different experience.

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I was just a fair junior in college.

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It was the day before fall semester, junior year, began.

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I was sitting on my bed.

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Well, I went to go visit my advisor.

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I was a psychology major.

00:16:42.748 --> 00:16:46.363
I went to go visit my advisor yeah, you see where this is going.

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I went to go visit my advisor and I was telling her girl, I'm so excited.

00:16:50.077 --> 00:16:52.364
I was really cool with my psychology advisor.

00:16:52.364 --> 00:16:53.768
Shout out to Aaron Hahn.

00:16:53.768 --> 00:16:54.890
I'm still really cool.

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Aaron Hahn, dr Ponteri, like all of my psych people at Furman, were the bomb Right.

00:17:01.044 --> 00:17:11.560
And so I was sitting in her office and she I was going to take this class on autism and I was super hype about it, to learn about all of the different things and she gave me the book.

00:17:11.560 --> 00:17:13.246
She was like you ain't got to buy these books.

00:17:13.246 --> 00:17:14.087
Here go the books.

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I was like thank you, girl, cause I ain't want to buy them books.

00:17:16.903 --> 00:17:33.123
Um, but, and I was so excited about being a psych major, I, you know, at Furman I was a pretty good student until I got to do psychology classes, like I have all A's and B's on my, on my, on my transcript, except for psychology.

00:17:33.123 --> 00:17:33.964
I got a C plus.

00:17:33.964 --> 00:17:37.381
I took three psychology class, got a C plus in every single one of them.

00:17:37.381 --> 00:17:38.422
But that's neither here nor there.

00:17:38.422 --> 00:17:43.467
And so I'm really hype about, you know, starting my junior year as a psych major.

00:17:43.988 --> 00:17:58.623
That night, friends, I go to my room, I'm sitting on my bed and I got like some paper spread out, cause I'm like, okay, this is my syllabus for this class and this is where this class is going to be.

00:17:58.623 --> 00:18:00.105
And I'm just like setting myself up and I hear the.

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I hear the Lord say to me because by that time in my walk I really knew the voice of God and I heard the Lord say to me you're not going to be a psychology major.

00:18:08.145 --> 00:18:16.529
And I was like cool with me because I'm close to failing these classes every time I take one.

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So the Lord is like showing me psychology is not the path for you, daughter.

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I have another plan.

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And I'm like, absolutely, lord, and let's try something else because this isn't working.

00:18:31.227 --> 00:18:39.441
And I remember I went to the computer and I pulled up the majors at Furman and I'm looking up and down the computer screen and I'm like I could be an English major.

00:18:39.441 --> 00:18:40.943
I'm a pretty good writer.

00:18:40.943 --> 00:18:42.106
That could really hit.

00:18:42.106 --> 00:18:46.181
I could be a sociology major, because that's what everybody was doing.

00:18:46.181 --> 00:18:50.090
They was leaving psychology, which was difficult, and going to sociology.

00:18:50.090 --> 00:18:54.027
I was like I could do that, I could do anthropology, you know what I'm saying.

00:18:54.587 --> 00:19:07.953
And I just kept feeling a nah, nah, and I would look at religion and I was like I'm not going to be no religion major, so, but sociology though, lord, they say that's easier and that could still get me through my to my destiny of being a social worker.

00:19:07.953 --> 00:19:11.590
And I'm looking and I see religion and I'm like uh-uh.

00:19:11.590 --> 00:19:14.640
And then I'm like, and I was stuck on English for a while.

00:19:14.640 --> 00:19:26.559
I was like I'm a really good writer, I write poetry, I can write short stories, I can write long stories, I can write essays, I can write, I can write research papers and could write long stories, I could write essays, I could write research papers.

00:19:27.180 --> 00:19:50.548
And then I saw religion and it's like religion was looking at me and I was looking at religion and I literally because I was very dramatic at the time I literally got up because I started crying and I got my stuff and I walked to my car and I just started driving around campus and and crying Like I was like Lord, are you trying to make me a pastor?

00:19:50.548 --> 00:19:52.451
What Religion?

00:19:52.451 --> 00:19:54.016
Major, right.

00:19:54.016 --> 00:20:11.546
And I just remember like that being a turning point in my journey and I called my mom and I said mom, now, just to give a little bit more background, I'm a first generation college student.

00:20:11.546 --> 00:20:14.772
You know they, like Queda made it out the hood.

00:20:14.772 --> 00:20:17.886
You know, I didn't come from the hood but Queda made it out.

00:20:17.886 --> 00:20:20.073
You know, come from the country.

00:20:20.073 --> 00:20:20.922
It's very different.

00:20:20.922 --> 00:20:23.048
I just wanted to be clear about that.

00:20:23.067 --> 00:20:24.612
That's true, blackwood, b-wood.

00:20:24.612 --> 00:20:31.743
Okay, that's enough on Blackwood, not too much, not too much, right?

00:20:31.743 --> 00:20:41.760
But I just remember like calling my mom and being like, like mama, I'm changing my major, and I know she was like, oh good, cause maybe she going to like be a doctor, cause everybody in my family wanted me to be a doctor.

00:20:41.760 --> 00:20:44.265
And I was like I'm changing my major to religion.

00:20:44.265 --> 00:20:48.571
And the first thing my mama said was what you gonna do with that?

00:20:48.571 --> 00:20:50.775
And I was like I don't know.

00:20:51.221 --> 00:20:55.087
The Lord just told me to change my major to religion.

00:20:55.087 --> 00:21:01.682
And my mama was like, but what kind of job, what kind of future?

00:21:01.682 --> 00:21:04.424
Why would you be a religion major?

00:21:04.424 --> 00:21:06.727
And I had no explanation.

00:21:07.288 --> 00:21:22.229
I had no, no real narrative to give her other than I was following God and that I had heard the voice of God, which and again I went to you know, family that believes in God loves God.

00:21:22.229 --> 00:21:23.371
But they weren't.

00:21:23.371 --> 00:21:25.094
The voice of God told you to do what?

00:21:25.094 --> 00:21:28.229
No, the voice of God told you to get, get a degree that's going to get you a job.

00:21:28.229 --> 00:21:30.744
I know that's what the that's what my God would have told you.

00:21:30.744 --> 00:21:34.601
I don't know who you hearing out here, but you know it was.

00:21:34.601 --> 00:21:51.396
There was, like for me, a a fundamental like I felt, like I was like, okay, chiquita, like I felt like I was like, okay, you out here on this faith journey by yourself, yeah, and everybody thought that my life was going to end.

00:21:51.396 --> 00:22:02.105
You know my uncle would tell me you're going to be president of the United States and you know I had told everybody in my family I was going to be a doctor or a counselor or something that was going to make some money.

00:22:02.546 --> 00:22:11.132
You know when I went and said, my faith journey has led me to change my career journey.

00:22:11.132 --> 00:22:14.128
That was when a line was drawn, that's really good.

00:22:14.128 --> 00:22:16.928
Everybody was like, oh, that's real cute.

00:22:16.928 --> 00:22:18.285
Yeah, you know Jaquita know the Lord.

00:22:18.285 --> 00:22:19.208
Yeah, she love the Lord.

00:22:19.208 --> 00:22:21.467
Yeah, yeah, you know she love the Lord.

00:22:21.700 --> 00:22:23.267
Wait a minute, religion major, hold on.

00:22:23.267 --> 00:22:33.290
You have now gone too far and being out there on my own and feeling so misunderstood.

00:22:33.290 --> 00:22:41.154
You know and feeling and it's one thing to feel misunderstood when you have a strong conviction about what you're doing.

00:22:41.154 --> 00:22:45.913
You know when you're like this is my purpose and my destiny.

00:22:45.913 --> 00:22:49.624
I didn't know until I started the religion classes.

00:22:49.624 --> 00:22:57.724
I remember my first religion class was ancient Israelite prophets and I went in that class, shut up Ruth.

00:22:57.724 --> 00:23:21.773
I went in that class and the very first day when they said turn to the book of Jeremiah and they started reading out of the Bible in the class, when they said turn to the book of Jeremiah and they started reading out of the Bible in the class, I said it's like everything in me, just like fireworks, like I was like this is my stuff, like this is it for me, but I, I had to take, like that step of faith.

00:23:21.773 --> 00:23:24.642
I had to take without the backing of my family.

00:23:24.961 --> 00:23:25.303
Yeah.

00:23:25.423 --> 00:23:32.009
Nobody understood and I've had to take many steps that nobody understood.

00:23:32.009 --> 00:23:40.517
But now they look at me and I think that they have a greater grasp of what I couldn't explain at the time.

00:23:40.517 --> 00:23:46.190
Yeah, like I couldn't get everyone to understand where God had me.

00:23:46.190 --> 00:24:01.903
But when, but when God started walking me through, like when I went to divinity school, like we ain't even know that was a thing I had to ask my professors I was like, hey, what do religion majors do, what, what, what do we do when we graduate from here?

00:24:01.903 --> 00:24:06.209
And they was like we go to divinity school or seminary.

00:24:06.209 --> 00:24:08.231
I said, what school did y'all go to?

00:24:08.231 --> 00:24:09.874
Because I literally knew nothing.

00:24:09.874 --> 00:24:11.701
They was like, oh, we went to Vanderbilt.

00:24:11.701 --> 00:24:16.461
Okay, sign me up, will you write me a recommendation letter to go to Vanderbilt?

00:24:16.461 --> 00:24:18.664
I had no idea.

00:24:18.984 --> 00:24:27.762
I was taking it one step at a time and as God unveiled it to me and made it more clear to me, I was able to make it more clear to my family.

00:24:27.762 --> 00:24:45.685
You know, and I think that there may be some people like me who you know, it's not that you had to disagree with your family, is that you had to make a, you had to take a walk that literally nobody understood and you you know, but it you know where I am now and who I am now.

00:24:45.685 --> 00:24:47.348
You know it is.

00:24:47.348 --> 00:24:57.021
It has been every bit worthwhile and I now see myself as, as you know, I'm taking everybody with me on this journey, you know.

00:24:57.021 --> 00:25:00.391
But it was um, it was a, it was a rough start.

00:25:01.440 --> 00:25:17.819
So that I think that's such a good um, I think a lot of people, I get a lot of younger people who have the relationship with faith, and I just came back from a workshop.

00:25:17.980 --> 00:25:31.770
I'm in this leadership development cohort and we just did a workshop where one of the topics was discipleship with young people and just kind of like, how do you you know, what is your discipleship with young people look like?

00:25:31.770 --> 00:25:34.002
And so I.

00:25:34.002 --> 00:25:44.576
One of the things we were talking about is just how a lot of young people's faith is shaped because of their experience with their parents in some form or fashion.

00:25:44.576 --> 00:25:48.130
Right, and that that can either be a positive or negative experience.

00:25:48.130 --> 00:26:07.767
One of the things that I, I, I will, I will also kind of as a point B, that I had to unlearn and I, yeah, I had to unlearn about that is that your parents don't own you, and that's a really difficult.

00:26:07.767 --> 00:26:10.746
That's not something we're used to.

00:26:10.746 --> 00:26:15.307
When we think about ourselves, we think about ourselves as belonging to our parents.

00:26:15.848 --> 00:26:16.329
You don't.

00:26:16.800 --> 00:26:18.026
You don't belong to your parents.

00:26:18.026 --> 00:26:20.667
You were actually not your parents' idea.

00:26:20.667 --> 00:26:23.243
You were God's idea.

00:26:24.686 --> 00:26:26.009
Preach here Ruth Abigail.

00:26:27.031 --> 00:26:27.333
Preach.

00:26:27.333 --> 00:26:35.661
You were God's idea, so God is you're God's, not your parents.

00:26:35.661 --> 00:26:39.064
But your parents are stewards of you.

00:26:39.064 --> 00:26:49.415
They are here to steward over what God has given them to take care of, up into a point, and then you go back.

00:26:49.415 --> 00:26:58.615
Your relationship with your creator begins at the point after your parents have stewarded.

00:26:59.780 --> 00:27:13.068
After that stewardship season, there is a point where stewardship season of your parents ends and that's a really difficult thing for us to to understand and to even admit, and even parents to to to be okay with right.

00:27:13.068 --> 00:27:44.088
There is that tension and you know, those of us that, especially those of us that go away, um, you know, after, if you, if you have, if you left your parents' house, uh, and've, now you're out into the world, you're experiencing all this stuff and, like you said, queda, you have a, an epiphany that your family just cannot get behind, simply because they cannot understand why you would do that.

00:27:44.088 --> 00:27:47.169
There's no understanding what doesn't make any sense.

00:27:47.169 --> 00:28:04.144
But in that moment you decided I'm going to move forward with my creator and not my parents, not because I don't love them, but because they don't own me.

00:28:04.144 --> 00:28:05.708
You begin to understand I belong to God, I don't own me, I have.

00:28:05.769 --> 00:28:06.088
I begin to under.

00:28:06.088 --> 00:28:08.920
You know you begin to understand I belong to God, I don't.

00:28:08.920 --> 00:28:10.785
I don't belong to my parents.

00:28:10.785 --> 00:28:13.490
They just took care of me up until a certain point.

00:28:13.490 --> 00:28:19.548
That's something that I I I had to unlearn and it's okay to.

00:28:19.548 --> 00:28:50.653
It is okay to get to that point and I think the thing that really I see a lot of younger people struggle with when you're starting that journey of your kind of adulthood and coming from up under the stewardship of your parents, is feeling the responsibility of making, of feeling the responsibility of not making them feel insignificant.

00:28:50.653 --> 00:28:52.796
You know what I mean.

00:28:52.796 --> 00:28:56.448
Like you don't, you don't want to make your parents, your family, feel insignificant.

00:28:56.448 --> 00:28:57.971
Okay, I'm gone, forget y'all.

00:28:57.971 --> 00:28:59.843
And nor is that what we're saying.

00:29:00.464 --> 00:29:00.704
Yeah.

00:29:01.366 --> 00:29:14.267
However it, it can be much harder to do that when your family has such a tight grip and hold over you and I'll be honest, I don't like.

00:29:14.267 --> 00:29:16.931
That's something I'm grateful for.

00:29:16.931 --> 00:29:23.388
My parents didn't do that Like they wanted us to go and they let us go.

00:29:23.388 --> 00:29:25.653
I think they had that same understanding.

00:29:25.653 --> 00:29:29.568
But there are those that have their.

00:29:29.568 --> 00:29:41.704
Their parents have a really tight grip, for whatever reason, and it can be really challenging to separate yourself when you feel like you are moving differently than they did.

00:29:42.307 --> 00:29:43.750
That's in your faith walk.

00:29:43.750 --> 00:29:46.700
That could be in your uh, your relationships.

00:29:46.700 --> 00:29:47.482
That could be in a lot of different things.

00:29:47.482 --> 00:29:47.925
Your could be in your uh, your relationships.

00:29:47.925 --> 00:29:52.832
That could be in in a lot of different things your work, career choices, all that stuff.

00:29:52.832 --> 00:29:57.742
So, quina, what would you, what would you say?

00:29:57.742 --> 00:30:12.049
From your experience, you know that what would you say you do with that Like when it feels like and I'm not saying this was the case with your, with your family, but you had you probably had a different.

00:30:12.049 --> 00:30:15.066
I mean, I feel like it was closer to that than mine Like.

00:30:15.066 --> 00:30:27.262
So when you have, when this feels like there's this responsibility, that and there's this maybe a stronger grip to you and your story that you have to pull away from.

00:30:27.262 --> 00:30:27.986
How do you do that?

00:30:27.986 --> 00:30:28.788
Like, what did you?

00:30:28.788 --> 00:30:29.601
What did you do?

00:30:30.201 --> 00:30:30.482
Yeah.

00:30:30.482 --> 00:30:44.313
So one thing you learn about like just like being in, like research or like in higher ed is that what they love doing is taking ordinary words and making a big deal of it.

00:30:44.313 --> 00:30:46.184
And so there's.

00:30:46.184 --> 00:30:54.910
It's not necessarily an ordinary word, but the word that I got stuck on when I was at Vanderbilt was differentiation and how.

00:30:54.910 --> 00:31:02.131
It is the process by which you establish yourself as a young adult.

00:31:02.131 --> 00:31:06.079
Right, and there's a process to it, and there's a process to it.

00:31:06.079 --> 00:31:09.604
Right, there's a surrender to it, there is a you know.

00:31:09.604 --> 00:31:28.490
You have to really come to terms with who you were and who you're becoming, and you have to give yourself the space to do that, because this is a walk that is building you as an individual and not necessarily you as an appendage to your family.

00:31:28.490 --> 00:31:42.701
Right, this is a you and God walk, and I think that even when we look at biblical characters, they have moments when they were with their families and then they have moments when they were called out for a moment of differentiation.

00:31:42.701 --> 00:32:06.930
And you have to know when you've come to that point where God is calling me to something Abraham, jacob, joseph, moses right, there is a moment when your walk will become different from what you may have experienced before, and it is going to require a level of trust.

00:32:06.930 --> 00:32:07.830
It's going to require a level of trust.

00:32:07.830 --> 00:32:09.281
It's going to require a level of surrender.

00:32:09.281 --> 00:32:17.001
It's going to require a level of dedication to learning more about who you are and who God is.

00:32:17.423 --> 00:32:30.472
I remember when I graduated from divinity school, I was 25 and I came back to Greenville because I love my church, shout out to my church and I came back and I remember.

00:32:30.472 --> 00:32:32.843
But I was at a point of differentiation.

00:32:32.843 --> 00:32:44.053
I was at a point where I felt like no one understood me, where I couldn't explain to people who I was, and I was very afraid, like really just riddled with fear.

00:32:44.053 --> 00:32:53.287
And I remember I sat on the couch and the Lord told me to write down 10 things that I really liked about myself, and I could only write three.

00:32:53.287 --> 00:33:16.448
Right Part of the act of differentiation, of really coming into the fullness of who you are, even despite other people not understanding or agreeing, is about you spending time with the, with God, to be able to write at least 10 things that you know and love about yourself on a piece of paper.

00:33:16.448 --> 00:33:23.624
At the time I could only write three and it it really stressed me out because I had, and they were like really simple.

00:33:23.624 --> 00:33:27.528
I was like I'm smart, I'm funny and I love people.

00:33:27.528 --> 00:33:28.760
And the Lord was like that'm smart, I'm funny and I love people.

00:33:28.760 --> 00:33:31.086
And the Lord was like that is not all of who you are.

00:33:31.086 --> 00:33:35.214
How can you really love you if you don't really know you?

00:33:35.214 --> 00:33:39.949
And so I started praying and I said, lord, show me who I am.

00:33:40.450 --> 00:33:44.904
And the Lord started giving me more words about who I am.

00:33:44.904 --> 00:33:51.044
He said you are an intercessor, you are a prophetic voice, you are a teaching voice.

00:33:51.044 --> 00:33:52.208
You are, you know.

00:33:52.208 --> 00:33:54.435
And he started telling me who I was.

00:33:54.435 --> 00:34:01.752
And he started telling me what my gifts were and what my strengths were and the purpose behind the process.

00:34:01.752 --> 00:34:06.073
Because if all I'm presenting to my family is the process hey guys, I changed my major to religion and I'm going to divinity school right.

00:34:06.073 --> 00:34:10.206
If all I can present my family is the process hey guys, I changed my major to religion and I'm going to divinity school right.

00:34:10.266 --> 00:34:16.425
If all I can present them with is the process, then they will never be able to buy into my purpose.

00:34:16.907 --> 00:34:28.431
The reason why I don't get the same questions now that I got back then is because I showed them my purpose, like here, was the profit of the process.

00:34:28.431 --> 00:34:33.144
Right, here is what God was really doing all along.

00:34:33.144 --> 00:34:47.047
But you have to get to that point where you are walking that walk for yourself and, knowing that you are, you are allowing God to give you the understanding that you need so that you can present to somebody.

00:34:47.047 --> 00:34:50.927
Hey, here's the package that God put on the inside of me.

00:34:50.927 --> 00:34:58.554
I have more words for it now, I have more understanding for it now, and you grow in that.

00:34:58.554 --> 00:35:13.275
I didn't have all the words when I first started, but the more I grew with God and the more God took me on my journey, on the journey to learning and becoming myself, the more I was able to to share with others who I was, um and again I was.

00:35:13.275 --> 00:35:16.565
I was able to present them with purpose and not just process.

00:35:16.565 --> 00:35:19.192
But you can't do that until you go through process.

00:35:19.960 --> 00:35:22.023
That's good, that's that's good.

00:35:22.023 --> 00:35:24.545
So all right, what's the uh?

00:35:24.545 --> 00:35:24.867
What?

00:35:24.867 --> 00:35:25.146
What's?

00:35:25.146 --> 00:35:31.215
What's your next unlearning journey, faith journey.

00:35:32.320 --> 00:35:37.282
So you know one thing that I learned in divinity school, right, divinity school.

00:35:37.282 --> 00:35:42.099
I always tell people, you know, like they ask me like how did you like being in divinity school?

00:35:42.099 --> 00:35:57.733
And I'm like, when I again, I didn't know nothing, I knew nothing, I was green I really thought we was about to be in divinity school and we was about to be kumbayaing every night, like sitting around a fire pit with Bibles and talking about the goodness of the Lord.

00:35:57.733 --> 00:36:00.128
This is what I thought divinity school was going to be like.

00:36:00.128 --> 00:36:11.105
And when I got there and I remember being in orientation and somebody we were like going around introducing ourselves and talking about what our hope for being in divinity school was.

00:36:11.105 --> 00:36:17.106
And one person said, well, I am here hoping to find God because I haven't found him yet.

00:36:17.106 --> 00:36:26.451
And I remember we all looked at each other like this ain't the place, like this, do not go to divinity school saying you're going to find God.

00:36:26.451 --> 00:36:28.193
This ain't it, it ain't it.

00:36:28.193 --> 00:36:39.123
But I didn't know that yet you know, and I remember being in that place and realizing that what I got from divinity school was number one.

00:36:39.123 --> 00:36:45.362
It helped me to give voice to my faith, right, it helped me to be able to articulate and share it.

00:36:45.784 --> 00:37:10.983
But it also really, really started breaking down, like some of the, some of the uh, let's just call it self-righteousness, right, like, let's just call it like this uh, this, this legalistic version of myself I had created to say I'm holy, right, I'm righteous, I'm saved, right, and, and this is what I was presenting to this world, like, and.

00:37:10.983 --> 00:37:27.956
And the thing that I had to unlearn after my twenties was that the only way to show people God was to present a perfect version of myself that I had to preach through perfection, right.

00:37:27.956 --> 00:37:52.748
And I had to unlearn this idea that perfection equaled righteousness, or that perfection which, again, self-righteousness, because none of us was perfect and you trying to put a cover over your imperfections or over your weaknesses does not help to bring people closer to God.

00:37:52.748 --> 00:38:00.407
And the way that I learned this is is because, again in divinity school, I thought I was going.

00:38:00.407 --> 00:38:12.724
I was coming there to be with people who believed like I believed and who knew God like I knew God, and who were just like the Bible is right and everything else is wrong.

00:38:12.724 --> 00:38:19.423
I thought I was going to people who shared these same sentiments.

00:38:19.643 --> 00:38:20.626
I love Vanderbilt.

00:38:20.626 --> 00:38:23.733
I loved all my professors, I love the friends that I made there.

00:38:23.733 --> 00:38:27.188
But that is not what I experienced.

00:38:27.188 --> 00:38:33.532
I got there I said, oh Lord, you didn't put me on the battlefield, like I thought I was coming here to a safe place.

00:38:33.532 --> 00:38:35.422
But this place is dangerous.

00:38:35.422 --> 00:38:36.585
It is.

00:38:36.585 --> 00:38:39.110
It is theologically dangerous.

00:38:40.652 --> 00:38:53.070
And I remember cause I had so much judgment of everyone that was around me because they did not think like I thought and I kept trying to present, like I got to present this picture of perfection to them.

00:38:53.070 --> 00:39:00.320
You know, I got to show them the things that I don't do I don't listen to this music and I don't drink that and I don't do this and I don't do that.

00:39:00.320 --> 00:39:04.463
I got to show them this because they're they're living lives.

00:39:04.463 --> 00:39:07.126
That is displeasing to God.

00:39:07.126 --> 00:39:12.650
But I remember I was standing on the balcony.

00:39:12.710 --> 00:39:15.112
I worked at the music library at Vanderbilt.

00:39:15.112 --> 00:39:17.554
I always had a job at somebody's library.

00:39:17.554 --> 00:39:21.378
I don't know what I was going through in that season, but I worked at a music library.

00:39:21.378 --> 00:39:31.891
I was on my 10-minute break, honey, and I walked to a little balcony and I was standing out on the balcony just looking out over the campus and I remember the Lord told me.

00:39:31.891 --> 00:39:35.481
He said you have to see people the way that I see them.

00:39:35.481 --> 00:39:44.168
And he was like you cannot continue to judge them until without being able to see them properly.

00:39:44.168 --> 00:40:04.831
And I felt so convicted because all I was judging people off of was their behavior, was the things that they said that they did, the things that they said that they believe, everything that, in my eyes, seemed so wrong and I was stuck on it.

00:40:04.831 --> 00:40:17.746
I was just like these people is wearing me out, lord, and you know, I was really having an Elijah moment, like I was standing on the mountain and I was like Lord, don't nobody know you but me.

00:40:17.746 --> 00:40:21.266
You know, and I'm the only one.

00:40:22.280 --> 00:40:36.626
I'm the only one out here I can attest to this version of Jaquita, whatever, because me and Jaquita would talk just about every day while she was at Vanderbilt and when I tell you she would go in every day.

00:40:37.148 --> 00:40:37.730
On her way now.

00:40:38.661 --> 00:40:39.322
Every day now.

00:40:40.085 --> 00:40:40.568
Not too much.

00:40:40.568 --> 00:40:42.465
They would stress me out.

00:40:42.465 --> 00:40:50.168
It was a hard place to be, though, because I learned, I learned again.

00:40:50.168 --> 00:40:55.490
I learned so much, but we would be, we'd be in class and somebody talking about how they don't believe the bible.

00:40:55.490 --> 00:40:57.724
I was like I'm sick of it.

00:40:57.724 --> 00:41:02.552
I'm sick of it, you know, and so it was.

00:41:02.713 --> 00:41:08.708
But it was god pulling me back and saying you see this as the worst of people.

00:41:08.708 --> 00:41:17.775
But if you want to know what it really did, is that it pulled me back into my gifting, because my gifting really is to see the best in people.

00:41:17.775 --> 00:41:38.326
Right, but I was in my own way, right, and so when and this was my first year there the Lord, the Lord, pulled me all the way together, honey, like I left there and I was like, let me humble myself, right, but it was just that idea that, like, my self-righteousness made me holy.

00:41:38.326 --> 00:41:43.663
Right, my belief in my own righteousness, because that's really what self-righteousness is.

00:41:43.663 --> 00:41:44.403
Right.

00:41:44.403 --> 00:42:02.512
It's your belief that you are more righteous, more this, more that than the other person, and it was actually what I thought was making me holy, was preventing me from actually being able to operate in the spirit with which God really wanted me to.

00:42:02.512 --> 00:42:04.684
Right, because you can have.

00:42:04.684 --> 00:42:05.686
What is it?

00:42:05.686 --> 00:42:08.353
Faith, hope and charity.

00:42:08.353 --> 00:42:09.967
The greatest of these is love.

00:42:09.967 --> 00:42:12.909
Without love, clanging cymbals.

00:42:12.909 --> 00:42:17.271
And you cannot love people if you see yourself as better than them.

00:42:18.181 --> 00:42:19.768
If you see yourself as above them.

00:42:20.219 --> 00:42:45.028
Vanderbilt taught me how to really love people, and not just love them in an ooey-gooey way, but love them in an enduring way, in a way that related to them and didn't exile them or make them feel abandoned, but in a way that joined in with them.

00:42:45.028 --> 00:43:03.289
And that really was something that I had to learn was that my self-righteousness did not make me holy and that I needed to, that I did not have to present perfection, but that all I had to do was continue to present.

00:43:03.289 --> 00:43:14.509
It was there that I think that I started talking through what God was teaching me through my mistakes and through, like, what I was having to work through, versus teaching from a.

00:43:14.509 --> 00:43:24.628
Well, you know, guys, all you have to do is just take that word of God and apply it and you know you'll be better, you'll be better.

00:43:24.628 --> 00:43:25.983
That's what I did.

00:43:25.983 --> 00:43:41.889
You know it was like, hey, no, I really struggled and God caught me and taught me and pushed me and, and and, preaching from a place of, of, of surrender, versus a place of.

00:43:41.889 --> 00:43:44.414
You know, I'm already there.

00:43:45.360 --> 00:43:49.489
Yeah, so a couple of thoughts are coming to my mind.

00:43:49.489 --> 00:43:52.382
Uh, I'll, I'll, this is the freshest one.

00:43:52.382 --> 00:44:31.228
So when I was 23, I think 23 or 24 is when I started doing youth ministry and, um, there's something about having to one of the things that we were at the organization I was with, we had to have a Bible study and this was, you know, I had teenage girls middle school was where I was at that time and I was essentially tasked with explaining scripture and ultimately, you know, the gospel and what a relationship with Jesus looked like to 12, 13 year olds who really weren't.

00:44:31.228 --> 00:44:35.771
They had been around church but not really invested in it and didn't know a whole lot.

00:44:35.771 --> 00:44:39.161
And you know, not too different than 12 or 13 year olds that you might know right now.

00:44:39.161 --> 00:44:53.117
So it this being charged with teaching something, is a great way to discover where you are on it.

00:44:55.402 --> 00:44:56.025
My Lord.

00:44:56.699 --> 00:45:07.152
So one of the things that I had to unlearn in regards to that is I had to.

00:45:07.152 --> 00:45:08.974
I had a self-righteous problem too.

00:45:08.974 --> 00:45:12.021
It looked a little different than Queda's, but it was there.

00:45:12.021 --> 00:45:38.637
I felt I know I was arrogant, especially, um, I, if you, uh, if you go to, if you go to second Corinthians 12, um, that Paul describes how he um saw, how he describes the reality of who he was, and then he then diminishes that reality because of who God is.

00:45:38.637 --> 00:45:41.909
In other words, this is who Paul was.

00:45:41.909 --> 00:45:50.829
Like I am, you know and I'm not reading it so I'm paraphrasing but I was a top-level Pharisee.

00:45:50.829 --> 00:46:01.467
I know the word of God, I was a major teacher, I was a leader in the Jewish community All these things, I'm, all these things and all those things are real.

00:46:01.467 --> 00:46:16.112
But when I understand who God is, that's way more than who I am, and I need to bring myself down so that I can then make him greater than me.

00:46:18.161 --> 00:46:30.023
He's greater than me, so anyway if you want to read that, just 2 Corinthians 12 is what I'm talking about, and for me, I resonated with that because I resonated with Paul's understanding of himself.

00:46:30.023 --> 00:46:42.061
What I had to get to that point so that's where my self-righteousness came from is, like you know, I got this resume of Christianity that I just have just because I was born into it.

00:46:42.061 --> 00:46:46.286
And I got this like I'm, I'm cool, like I got it.

00:46:46.286 --> 00:46:49.992
I got it and so I went into.

00:46:49.992 --> 00:47:10.103
That's the mentality I had when I started going into youth ministry, and then I had to begin to break down what this was, and when I started doing that, I realized, oh shoot, how can I try to convince a 12-year-old that they need Jesus when I'm not sure I believe I do?

00:47:10.103 --> 00:47:15.469
And that began to wreck me.

00:47:15.469 --> 00:47:28.005
And so one of the things that when I was uh, when I was, when I was in my twenties, the thing that helped me to get closer to God, was to get closer to my sin.

00:47:28.005 --> 00:47:31.989
I know that sounds weird.

00:47:32.409 --> 00:47:34.731
When I say closer, I don't mean do more of it, but I mean let me.

00:47:34.751 --> 00:47:37.394
When I say closer, I don't mean do more of it, but I mean let me, let me.

00:47:37.394 --> 00:47:44.382
I don't mean do more of it, but what I do mean is I had to come to and let me back up.

00:47:44.382 --> 00:47:51.956
When I say sin, I mean the things that I I've done, that I know were wrong or that I was convicted of.

00:47:51.956 --> 00:47:57.588
That said, you really probably shouldn't be doing this, or these are things that you should be doing that you're not doing.

00:47:57.588 --> 00:47:59.592
That's what I mean when I say that.

00:47:59.592 --> 00:48:28.454
So, instead of focusing on just the things that you know, what I was focusing on was the things that I was proud of when I began to be more in tune with the things that I wasn't proud of is when I began to get closer to God, because I began to understand more of how I needed God, because there were actually things I wasn't proud of.

00:48:28.454 --> 00:48:37.038
One of the things that I wasn't proud of about myself was my lack of vulnerability, the walls that I had built up, the fear that I had.

00:48:37.105 --> 00:48:39.067
She had them walls, y'all she had them walls.

00:48:39.086 --> 00:49:01.541
Chill out, chill out, chill out, chill out, chill out the fears that I had of people getting to know me, because I didn't want people to see certain parts of me right, the you know the mistrust I had in the fact that other people could love me the way I felt like I needed to be loved.

00:49:01.541 --> 00:49:06.050
There were, so that's just one example.

00:49:06.050 --> 00:49:07.835
I built up all these walls.

00:49:07.835 --> 00:49:09.978
I had an image problem.

00:49:09.978 --> 00:49:21.429
I wanted people to think of me a certain way and I wanted to present myself a certain way, and so that's what I did, but I didn't do it in an authentic way.

00:49:21.429 --> 00:49:26.387
It was what is the image I can present that's going to get me the most accolades?

00:49:26.387 --> 00:49:31.239
That's going to get me the most, you know, likes from other people.

00:49:31.239 --> 00:49:32.628
Who is that with?

00:49:32.628 --> 00:49:33.230
Abigail Cause?

00:49:33.230 --> 00:49:34.715
That's the one that I want to answer the world.

00:49:34.715 --> 00:49:40.735
Um, and I, I worked harder on my image than I did understanding my identity, and that was on.

00:49:40.755 --> 00:49:44.949
Wait a minute, wait a minute, don't brush past that.

00:49:44.949 --> 00:49:46.090
That was good.

00:49:46.090 --> 00:49:51.159
Identity versus image.

00:49:51.219 --> 00:50:00.449
My Lord, so that was, that was a yeah, and I mean that those are, and I know that those are things that younger people struggle with today, with pouring into other people.

00:50:00.449 --> 00:50:28.351
It then puts the mirror back on you, what you have to say, and then in my next season of my vocation, my career, I was in charge of training people how to do what I did.

00:50:28.351 --> 00:51:03.963
So there's just these levels of teaching, and it was like at every level of teaching I had to then face what I really what I believed and how it applied to me, Because for too many years, I was very good at articulating the what of the faith, but I wasn't good at sharing my why of it, and I needed to that, and so I was challenged with that.

00:51:03.963 --> 00:51:17.052
So I think if you are, if that's something you struggle with this self-righteous kind of mentality, then I would challenge you to to get more in touch with the things you are not proud of.

00:51:17.733 --> 00:51:24.940
Stop hiding them from yourself and stop hiding them from God and stop hiding them from other people, because that's where accountability comes in.

00:51:24.940 --> 00:51:40.130
Don't be afraid to be held accountable because you're being authentic, and allow for other people, trusted people, to speak into your life, to see things that you aren't proud of and then help to speak that into you.

00:51:40.130 --> 00:51:45.126
When Quita real talk, Quita, Quita and I are obviously we're different.

00:51:45.126 --> 00:51:47.094
Y'all can tell that from the podcast.

00:51:48.746 --> 00:51:50.353
We get more alike as we get older, though.

00:51:52.527 --> 00:51:54.809
Well, we come a little closer, right, we come a little closer.

00:51:54.809 --> 00:51:56.652
So, balance, amen.

00:51:56.652 --> 00:52:04.333
So when we were in college, I would say in college for us, we were the furthest apart on some things.

00:52:04.333 --> 00:52:22.710
And so when Quina would call me when she was at Vanderbilt and would go in about some of the things that she was experiencing at Divinity School, it would rise up in me to basically be like man, you're being judgmental.

00:52:22.710 --> 00:52:24.989
There was the.

00:52:24.989 --> 00:52:28.813
I would say, Quina, like you have to like, why are you?

00:52:28.813 --> 00:52:31.934
We would have these back and forth, Did we not?

00:52:31.934 --> 00:52:33.050
We had these back and forths.

00:52:33.445 --> 00:52:34.827
Yeah, it's the theme of our friendship.

00:52:34.827 --> 00:52:35.929
You said what you said.

00:52:35.969 --> 00:52:36.809
It's the theme of our.

00:52:36.809 --> 00:52:38.132
You said what.

00:52:38.452 --> 00:52:39.773
It's the theme of our friendship.

00:52:40.094 --> 00:52:40.375
It is.

00:52:40.375 --> 00:52:44.521
It's the theme of our friendship, but one of the things that I think was so good.

00:52:44.521 --> 00:52:51.365
This is an example.

00:52:51.365 --> 00:52:52.608
Queda was not afraid to be honest about where she was.

00:52:52.608 --> 00:53:02.009
Therefore, and even though she may not want to hear it, she opened herself up to a different perspective that may have challenged that part of her that it was needed to be challenged.

00:53:03.331 --> 00:53:15.094
And so don't try to cover up the things that may not be as attractive about who you are when you're that young, 're that young like?

00:53:15.094 --> 00:53:16.918
Don't, don't cover it up.

00:53:16.918 --> 00:53:18.139
Allow for God to work.

00:53:18.139 --> 00:53:22.072
Work it out through the context of relationship and accountability.

00:53:22.072 --> 00:53:25.599
Um, so, yeah, I just that.

00:53:25.599 --> 00:53:25.905
That.

00:53:25.905 --> 00:53:27.929
That, just that, really.

00:53:27.929 --> 00:53:30.655
Yeah, what you said just kind of hit me in that regard.

00:53:30.655 --> 00:53:51.003
Um, I had to really come to grips with who I was, and, and you have to get to the point where you really believe that you need God, and when you're self-righteous, you don't believe you need God, you think you are enough, and that's a very dangerous place to be, and I didn't even realize how dangerous of the place I was.

00:53:51.003 --> 00:53:53.576
I didn't realize how in danger I was when I was thinking that.

00:53:54.427 --> 00:54:31.065
I think something that is important to note is that For me, self-righteousness and for many others, was actually a symptom of my insecurity, idea of being like holy and better and, you know, righteous to cover up the things that I didn't like about myself or that I wasn't confident in or that I didn't feel were good points about myself.

00:54:31.065 --> 00:54:47.974
You know, and I think a lot of times people do that, like they, they they go into, they're looking to find something to boost themselves up with, and for me self-righteousness was that, especially when I first got the Vanderbilt Um.

00:54:47.974 --> 00:55:07.762
But when I understood that, like, really what I was doing was covering up insecurity, I could address what the real issues were right, because a lot of times we deal with the fruit but we don't deal with the root and you need to spend some time.

00:55:07.762 --> 00:55:14.759
This is something that I tell every young adult, young leader amen, because that's what we said we would call y'all.

00:55:14.759 --> 00:55:24.019
That I tell every young leader that I mentor is that you need to spend some time with God and really get to the root.

00:55:24.019 --> 00:55:29.137
Ask God, show me what led to this belief I have.

00:55:29.137 --> 00:55:32.045
Show me what led Lord.

00:55:32.045 --> 00:55:50.617
I'm noticing that I have this type of behavior when I get in these type of situations, I respond like this Lord, I'm noticing that I'm triggered by this and a lot of times we have not sat down with God to really unpack what happened.

00:55:50.617 --> 00:55:52.280
Where did this begin?

00:55:52.280 --> 00:55:58.434
Because it didn't begin the moment you noticed it, that's just when you saw it.

00:55:58.434 --> 00:56:10.512
But God has always known that that thing is there and you have to go back to the root of it and ask God to start digging up and addressing the roots of why things were.

00:56:10.572 --> 00:56:23.047
Because for me, self-righteousness was the product of the root of insecurity, and that root of insecurity was something that I had to deal with for years.

00:56:23.047 --> 00:56:33.391
And that because sometimes the insecurity came out as self-righteousness, other times it came from an overwhelming sense of guilt and shame Anytime I messed up.

00:56:33.391 --> 00:56:34.472
Sense of guilt and shame.

00:56:34.472 --> 00:56:50.429
Anytime I messed up, I felt like I had disappointed God, disappointed everybody, and that there was no recovering from it.

00:56:50.429 --> 00:56:55.096
And it took years for me to learn that I had to deal with me and I had to come to terms with me.

00:56:55.476 --> 00:57:02.952
And again, I cannot stress it enough you have to go through the process of learning to love you.

00:57:02.952 --> 00:57:05.876
Flaws and all.

00:57:05.876 --> 00:57:07.639
Yeah, sin and all.

00:57:07.639 --> 00:57:12.188
Well, you know we don't love sin, amen, but you have to.

00:57:12.188 --> 00:57:14.235
You know I try to be clear.

00:57:14.235 --> 00:57:15.710
I try to be clear.

00:57:15.710 --> 00:57:19.567
You know I don't want nobody out there my minister license is right behind me.

00:57:19.567 --> 00:57:24.268
I don't want nobody going out saying Minister Ross told them to love sin.

00:57:24.268 --> 00:57:25.030
I did not.

00:57:25.030 --> 00:57:36.916
But you need to love you and to hear God's voice.

00:57:37.135 --> 00:57:43.298
All I would hear every single day for two years, literally I'm not even joking was the Lord saying.

00:57:43.298 --> 00:57:48.302
Was the Lord basically saying you know, rest in my love.

00:57:48.302 --> 00:57:49.782
And I was like what does that mean?

00:57:49.782 --> 00:57:55.494
I'm resting, lord, I love you, lord, I know you love me.

00:58:00.545 --> 00:58:18.094
But the Lord was saying rest in it, like when we treat God like, like you know that he can't overcome our sin, or that like, or that the blood of Jesus isn't enough, that our belief isn't enough, that like you know, like God is saying like literally, rest in it so that you can see more.

00:58:18.706 --> 00:58:38.280
You're so frenzied, you're so anxious, you're so nervous, you're so, you know, high, strong, that you are missing the opportunity to really experience God because you're trying so hard to be right and to be perfect and to present perfection.

00:58:38.280 --> 00:58:43.713
But God is saying let me love you, let me love you.

00:58:43.713 --> 00:59:00.456
And that was definitely something in my twenties, I promise you, the Lord said that to me every day for two years and it wasn't until I got probably around 28 to early 30s that I was like, oh, I get it, you know.

00:59:00.456 --> 00:59:13.786
But it's so important that we learn to trust God and not just trust God to do the big things outside of us, because I think we trust.

00:59:13.786 --> 00:59:21.257
Like when we think about trusting God, we think about trusting God with purpose and with my finances and with you, know this and with that.

00:59:21.257 --> 00:59:25.704
Trust God with you, trust God with you, trust God with you.

00:59:25.704 --> 00:59:26.005
Trust.

00:59:26.085 --> 00:59:27.452
God with the real you.

00:59:29.485 --> 00:59:31.152
With the real you Like the real you yeah.

00:59:31.284 --> 00:59:33.835
Not your representative, that you want people to see, not your representative.

00:59:34.045 --> 00:59:35.329
Like trust God with the real.

00:59:35.329 --> 00:59:38.317
You Like that's God is.

00:59:38.317 --> 00:59:39.541
Trust God with the real.

00:59:39.541 --> 00:59:40.784
You like that that's God.

00:59:40.784 --> 00:59:45.646
God is not afraid of the real you he knows he already knows.

00:59:45.646 --> 00:59:46.326
Trust him with it.

00:59:46.326 --> 00:59:50.309
And that kind of leads into, I think, my last kind of thing.

00:59:50.309 --> 01:00:02.757
I've had to unlearn, but before I say that I do want to, I want to say this for those of you that self-righteousness is not something that you struggle with, but you have friends that you know and the people.

01:00:02.757 --> 01:00:07.500
There are people you know, whether friends or colleagues or people that you're around.

01:00:07.500 --> 01:00:11.963
You're like man, they and it, just it bothers you, right, because you're like man.

01:00:11.963 --> 01:00:19.802
They think they, so they so much better, and they always trying to tell me this and tell me they don't understand.

01:00:19.802 --> 01:00:26.378
Remember what Queda said, and I will echo that most of that comes from insecurity, from pain, from hurt.

01:00:26.378 --> 01:00:32.335
Have some grace for the self-righteous people in your life.

01:00:32.335 --> 01:00:34.451
They are struggling.

01:00:36.726 --> 01:00:39.913
Hold on, because I feel like I have really painted myself, to be like.

01:00:39.913 --> 01:00:42.717
Uh-uh, no, don't do that no, no, no, no, no.

01:00:42.717 --> 01:00:46.291
Like I was just like rude or wrong, Like I was just like you know.

01:00:46.291 --> 01:00:58.202
But I think sometimes I think it's important that you also understand that like just because your self-righteousness isn't loud doesn't mean it's not there.

01:00:58.784 --> 01:00:59.105
Absolutely.

01:00:59.204 --> 01:01:07.559
Like when you talk about dealing with the real, you don't just it's not deal with the you that nobody else knows about.

01:01:07.559 --> 01:01:09.891
Deal with your self-righteous thoughts.

01:01:09.891 --> 01:01:15.626
Deal with your self-righteous opinions you know what I'm saying, and not even just self-righteous.

01:01:15.626 --> 01:01:20.530
Whatever it is for you, right, you still have to surrender it on the altar.

01:01:20.530 --> 01:01:25.632
You still have to ask God to help you to work through it, right?

01:01:25.632 --> 01:01:49.530
Whether it's some levels of deception, or if you have issues with trust, or if you have issues with insecurity, which we've been talking about, our pride, whatever it is, whatever it is, you still have to surrender it, even if it's quiet, even if no one's called you out on it yet.

01:01:49.530 --> 01:01:58.315
Let me give y'all a pro tip, pro tip If you deal with it with God, by yourself, you won't have to get called out on it in public.

01:01:58.315 --> 01:02:01.548
Okay, if you go to God, be like God.

01:02:01.548 --> 01:02:13.447
If you could just, lord and I'm not saying that you, you're not going to catch everything, you're not going to catch everything, but if you keep walking with the Lord and say Lord, if you show me I.

01:02:13.909 --> 01:02:20.074
The one scripture I used to pray all the time I ain't prayed it in a long time, but I ain't lying to you Was.

01:02:20.074 --> 01:02:22.094
I think it's Psalm 130.

01:02:22.094 --> 01:02:23.356
It might be Psalm 139.

01:02:23.356 --> 01:02:24.137
I have to look it up.

01:02:24.137 --> 01:02:28.719
But it says test the reins of my heart, lord, and see if there be any wicked way in me.

01:02:28.719 --> 01:02:41.365
I used to pray that prayer all the time, lord.

01:02:41.365 --> 01:02:42.809
Test the reins of my heart, lord, and you tell me.

01:02:42.809 --> 01:02:46.376
You tell me, lord, if there's any wicked way in me, and we can work this out, me and you, jesus.

01:02:46.376 --> 01:02:51.210
Right, but I might've unlearned praying that scripture.

01:02:51.911 --> 01:02:52.632
I need that.

01:02:53.293 --> 01:02:54.775
So that's good Cause.

01:02:54.775 --> 01:03:03.132
Speaking of prayer and this is kind of where I wanted to uh that my unlearning around prayer is really simple.

01:03:03.132 --> 01:03:05.737
Uh, you have we.

01:03:05.737 --> 01:03:24.161
One thing I've had to unlearn is that God can't handle my honest prayers and brutally honest prayers, like prayers even that implicate that.

01:03:24.161 --> 01:03:36.612
Prayers that even may indicate is what the word I'm looking for, that I don't believe things that I've said I've believed right.

01:03:36.612 --> 01:03:42.771
Prayers that might indicate that I'm not interested in changing.

01:03:42.771 --> 01:03:49.121
Prayers that might indicate that I'm angry, I'm upset.

01:03:49.121 --> 01:03:52.266
Prayers that might indicate that I really don't feel like I'm.

01:03:52.266 --> 01:04:00.336
I genuinely feel like I am a pretty awesome and I don't really need to change.

01:04:00.336 --> 01:04:03.840
Right, you know what I'm saying.

01:04:03.840 --> 01:04:06.733
Those are the types of things that God wants to hear.

01:04:06.733 --> 01:04:24.193
And to to what Queda was saying you, I don't believe that you can't get to the point where you're praying that that prayer of Psalm, without first leveling, getting to the level of this, is what's really.

01:04:24.193 --> 01:04:25.356
This is who I really am.

01:04:25.925 --> 01:04:40.815
If you can't articulate that praying, that prayer of show me, you aren't really open to God showing you so he might show you and you'll miss it because you, you haven't gotten to the point, to where you're really.

01:04:40.815 --> 01:04:41.862
It's one thing to pray.

01:04:41.862 --> 01:04:45.253
It's another thing to really like be open to the answer.

01:04:45.253 --> 01:04:58.376
And you can't be open to the answer of that If you have not already brought to God the honesty that you've been hiding, because he will reveal other stuff if you ask him to.

01:04:58.376 --> 01:05:00.889
But if you are hiding what you?

01:05:00.889 --> 01:05:02.373
There are some things you already know.

01:05:02.373 --> 01:05:09.818
There are some things I already knew that I just I was hiding and so I could pray that prayer all day long.

01:05:09.818 --> 01:05:26.735
I'm not really open to hearing the answer until I get to the point where I'm willing to share with God what I already know, that I'm hiding from him and he don't got to reveal some stuff to you, some stuff you know right.

01:05:26.735 --> 01:05:35.025
So you know, like I said earlier, for me one of those things was like it was fear around, being vulnerable, had these walls up and I had to be.

01:05:35.025 --> 01:05:43.619
I had to tell God I don't want these walls down, I want to keep my walls, don't take them down, and here's why I want to keep my walls.

01:05:43.619 --> 01:05:46.210
I don't, I don't want to do it Right, like that's.

01:05:46.210 --> 01:05:53.632
Those are the types of things that I had to learn how to pray and that did not come until much later, like it came like my.

01:05:53.871 --> 01:05:59.500
My later twenties um, mid thirties is like when that really became real for me.

01:05:59.500 --> 01:06:10.492
Most of my 20s I just kept them up, but there were certain things that I was just afraid of right, and I was afraid of my own success.

01:06:10.492 --> 01:06:13.954
To be honest with you, I was afraid that I would take that and run with it.

01:06:13.954 --> 01:06:24.416
I would take that and run with it, that if I was honest about the fact that I might be good at certain things, that I would abandon God.

01:06:24.416 --> 01:06:27.592
That's what I believed about me.

01:06:27.592 --> 01:06:30.514
So I didn't really want to accept.

01:06:30.514 --> 01:06:35.534
I didn't want to accept some of those things I knew were true.

01:06:36.445 --> 01:06:41.637
So I put walls up of false humility to say no, no, no, no, no, no, I can't do that, I'm not good at that.

01:06:41.637 --> 01:06:42.909
Like that's not something that.

01:06:42.909 --> 01:06:44.514
No, I'm not a leader.

01:06:44.514 --> 01:06:44.945
No, I'm.

01:06:44.945 --> 01:06:46.371
No, I'm not good at speaking.

01:06:46.371 --> 01:06:47.710
No, I'm not good at being in front of people.

01:06:47.710 --> 01:06:58.164
No, I don't want to do that, you know.

01:06:58.206 --> 01:06:59.447
And and so I those things which I didn't really believe.

01:06:59.447 --> 01:07:01.672
But I felt like if I didn't say it, I would go left and abandon God If I had any success in that.

01:07:01.672 --> 01:07:02.594
I don't know what yours is.

01:07:02.594 --> 01:07:12.380
That was a big one for me, and God, literally um, sent people in my life who didn't even know me very well.

01:07:12.380 --> 01:07:16.492
They were at my house for the first time.

01:07:16.492 --> 01:07:29.516
They they said to me, they said you are a leader, you are a leader, and that I was.

01:07:29.516 --> 01:07:32.706
I was like I don't even know where that came from, like what do you?

01:07:32.706 --> 01:07:33.068
What?

01:07:33.068 --> 01:07:34.313
Where's that even coming?

01:07:34.313 --> 01:07:35.277
We weren't talking about it.

01:07:35.277 --> 01:07:47.871
And they said they started going in and then I, that was, that was the point where it was like either you take it from them or we don't have to go to another level here of exposure because you are just resisting this.

01:07:48.634 --> 01:07:58.557
And so, being honest with God, like through prayer, like, like we just said, like one of the ways you can do that is, uh, one of the ways that you can avoid being like out in the public.

01:07:58.557 --> 01:08:09.840
Take care of it in prayer, like, really take care of it in prayer, and so I think that was one of the things I had to unlearn is just like that God can't handle my brutal honesty.

01:08:09.840 --> 01:08:15.436
And I know and I know at least I know that I feel like I've heard that a lot.

01:08:15.436 --> 01:08:20.555
I heard that a lot Like, just be honest with God, he can handle your stuff, he can handle your stuff.

01:08:20.555 --> 01:08:22.069
You can hear it.

01:08:22.069 --> 01:08:24.332
It's one thing to actually like do it.

01:08:26.826 --> 01:08:31.798
One of the things I'm unlearning, even right now, is that God can't.

01:08:31.798 --> 01:08:36.332
God will still be around when I'm inconsistent.

01:08:36.332 --> 01:09:02.779
God will still be around when I'm inconsistent, because right now, I'll be inconsistent a lot in my prayer life and, if I'm just being real, it's not as consistent as it used to be, and there are moments sometimes I delay coming back to the presence of God because I'm unsure that he'll be there, because I just have been away for so long, and that is something I've had to unlearn and continue to unlearn.

01:09:02.779 --> 01:09:05.288
No, no, no, no, no.

01:09:05.288 --> 01:09:06.913
God is always going to be there.

01:09:06.913 --> 01:09:16.309
Don't delay going back because you don't believe that he will, and so you just have to know that's an honest moment, it's real.

01:09:16.989 --> 01:09:21.813
And don't just commit to honesty.

01:09:21.813 --> 01:09:26.356
Commit to honesty in your relationship with God.

01:09:26.356 --> 01:09:35.387
And even if you wouldn't say you had a relationship with God, I think that's the beautiful thing about prayer it opens that door.

01:09:35.387 --> 01:09:53.429
It opens the door right, even if it feels weird, you talking to the wall, you talking to the ceiling, you talking to the air and I've told some of my young people this before like, try it, just try it.

01:09:53.429 --> 01:10:00.207
It's going to feel like you talking to yourself, but if there's any small thing in you that believes that something might hear it, just try it.

01:10:00.207 --> 01:10:03.997
And then you know, commit your like.

01:10:03.997 --> 01:10:14.750
It opens yourself up to a possibility of of discovering something that you didn't even, you're not even sure is real, but that's, it's a great entry point, um and so.

01:10:14.750 --> 01:10:24.653
So that's whether you have a relationship with God or you're not entirely sure about it, but something might be out there.

01:10:24.653 --> 01:10:26.797
I'm just going to try it, just try it.

01:10:29.527 --> 01:10:33.475
My Lord, little evangelist, I'm going to start calling you missionary.

01:10:33.496 --> 01:10:37.324
Don't do that, don't do that, missionary gardener, don't do that Don't do that Missionary Gardner, don't do that.

01:10:38.145 --> 01:10:44.036
She want to talk to y'all about how to find God, how to really come to learn them.

01:10:44.036 --> 01:10:45.538
That was good.

01:10:46.685 --> 01:10:49.212
Nah, that's real, I've had to unlearn that.

01:10:49.212 --> 01:10:50.115
Have you had to unlearn that?

01:10:51.685 --> 01:10:55.284
Yeah, I think that mine was different.

01:10:55.284 --> 01:11:00.658
You know, I was just riddled with fear.

01:11:00.658 --> 01:11:06.478
Like fear, I think, has been like my arch nemesis.

01:11:06.478 --> 01:11:21.702
Like, and what God recently showed me was that my fear is really tied to, like my not wanting to be disappointed and not wanting to be disappointing.

01:11:21.702 --> 01:11:26.289
And so I have ran from.

01:11:26.289 --> 01:11:33.100
I tell people, I got my Master of Divinity in 2012, right In 2012,.

01:11:33.100 --> 01:11:38.096
Got my degree, came back to Greenville to be at my church.

01:11:38.096 --> 01:11:51.099
I got licensed in 2019, seven years later Right, and like, I think by that time, my pastor was like so do you, do you not want to be a minister?

01:11:51.099 --> 01:11:52.591
What are you doing?

01:11:52.591 --> 01:11:56.592
Like, and I was just like I don't want to go until I.

01:11:56.592 --> 01:12:00.462
I didn't want to go until I knew I could do it without making mistakes.

01:12:00.903 --> 01:12:01.122
Yeah.

01:12:01.586 --> 01:12:08.712
And I also was like I'll go when I hear the voice of the Lord tell me to go, even though he told me to go to divinity school.

01:12:08.712 --> 01:12:09.574
He told me to come back.

01:12:09.574 --> 01:12:12.014
Like girl, you come on.

01:12:12.014 --> 01:12:19.175
But I remember the Lord told me it was time for me to get off the bench, meaning you already on the team.

01:12:19.175 --> 01:12:22.239
You just won't go play like we call.

01:12:22.239 --> 01:12:31.105
We called your number a few times and you won't come out onto the court.

01:12:31.105 --> 01:12:32.305
Get off the friggin bench.

01:12:32.305 --> 01:12:42.429
You know, for me there has always my delay has always been in believing that God would use me.

01:12:43.029 --> 01:12:43.269
Yeah.

01:12:43.649 --> 01:12:57.572
And in believing that, like my gifts and my whatever, whatever fit the moment or fit that I can be useful and also there still be, sometimes I'll be like, do I know what I'm doing?

01:12:57.572 --> 01:12:59.893
I don't know, but the Lord knows.

01:12:59.893 --> 01:13:08.255
Okay, and trusting that because I like to, it really is tied to my like need for control.

01:13:08.255 --> 01:13:12.216
I like feeling like I have control.

01:13:12.216 --> 01:13:21.778
And when you are a person that operates in spiritual things, you never have control Like you never have it.

01:13:21.778 --> 01:13:38.962
You know, and I've had to learn so many lessons that all point back to the same fact that God, it is God, it is God, it is God that holds the reins of your life, of your call, of your gifts.

01:13:38.962 --> 01:13:41.922
It is God's purpose, it is God's plan.

01:13:41.922 --> 01:13:52.713
Like even in ministry, it is not because I studied so hard I didn't preach.

01:13:52.713 --> 01:13:58.345
Well, because I studied so hard If y'all only knew right, I preach.

01:13:58.345 --> 01:14:05.068
And it's not that I don't be studying when I have to preach, it's that I be waiting for the Lord to talk and sometimes he just be sitting there like, and I'd be like hey, lord, hey, it's me again.

01:14:05.068 --> 01:14:11.886
Hi, jaquita, I just wanted to just coming back seeing if you had that word for Sunday.

01:14:11.886 --> 01:14:12.908
I ain't know what you.

01:14:12.908 --> 01:14:17.618
I ain't know if you was ready to release it, cause you ain't really said much.

01:14:17.618 --> 01:14:21.092
But you know it's in two days and everything like that.

01:14:21.173 --> 01:14:23.908
And I've been, I've been on my face, it ain't you know.

01:14:23.908 --> 01:14:51.229
It ain't like I ain't been coming to the throne room but I and the Lord moving entirely how he wants to move, you know, and really surrendering to that, to that.

01:14:51.229 --> 01:14:59.895
And I have really had to unlearn that God needs me right, because the idea that God needs me kept me riddled with fear.

01:14:59.895 --> 01:15:11.082
It gave me a different mindset towards it, to saying that, like the Lord, I am a willing vessel and that God can fill me and I can pour out.

01:15:11.082 --> 01:15:12.927
But that it is not.

01:15:12.927 --> 01:15:14.391
This is not a.

01:15:14.391 --> 01:15:15.534
You know, I'm sorry.

01:15:15.534 --> 01:15:16.818
I just watched the movie Harriet.

01:15:16.818 --> 01:15:18.631
I highly recommend everybody watch that.

01:15:18.631 --> 01:15:20.009
That woman knew the Lord.

01:15:20.009 --> 01:15:22.511
Shout out to Harriet Tubman that woman knew the Lord.

01:15:22.511 --> 01:15:24.188
I mean, I knew that.

01:15:24.188 --> 01:15:27.476
But watching the movie I was like yo, she that's a great movie man.

01:15:27.537 --> 01:15:29.993
Yeah, I don't know what took me so long to watch it.

01:15:29.993 --> 01:15:32.634
I was honestly tired of slave movies.

01:15:32.634 --> 01:15:39.292
We're coming up on Juneteenth, so happy Juneteenth.

01:15:39.292 --> 01:15:40.842
Y'all might be watching this after Juneteenth, but celebrate again.

01:15:40.842 --> 01:15:50.907
All right, you know, I just, I was just so afraid Like Harriet would have been.

01:15:50.907 --> 01:15:52.212
She'd have pulled the gun out on me.

01:15:52.212 --> 01:15:55.725
She'd have been like girl, bring your tail, we going to freedom land.

01:15:55.725 --> 01:15:58.186
Harriet would not have fooled up with me because I'd have been like girl, bring your tail, we go in the freedom lane.

01:15:58.186 --> 01:16:02.689
Harriet would not have fooled up with me because I'd have been like girl, I'm scared.

01:16:03.149 --> 01:16:17.618
I thought I'd be able to do it, but God showing me that it is always me, it is always me and I'm so happy to have you with me, but it is always me Right.

01:16:17.618 --> 01:16:25.987
And and that God's love is not predicated upon my ability to perform, but that God just loves me and he's not.

01:16:25.987 --> 01:16:30.595
And you know like I get so nervous because I want to again.

01:16:30.595 --> 01:16:33.872
I want to do it right, like I want to preach right.

01:16:33.872 --> 01:16:35.050
I want to pray right.

01:16:35.050 --> 01:16:36.712
I want to give right.

01:16:36.712 --> 01:16:37.225
I want to.

01:16:37.225 --> 01:16:45.791
Whatever it is that I do, I want to preach right, I want to pray right I want to give right, I want to whatever it is that I do.

01:16:45.850 --> 01:16:46.872
I want to do it right.

01:16:46.872 --> 01:17:07.992
And the Lord is like, if you want to do it right back up, if think that me doing it right meant that I spent 12 days in strict prayer and fasting, and you know, and sometimes it does require that I'm not even playing.

01:17:07.992 --> 01:17:15.127
You know, whatever the Lord leads you to do, but even if you did all of that, that don't make you right, like, no, like that doesn't.

01:17:15.127 --> 01:17:15.710
That doesn't.

01:17:15.710 --> 01:17:19.368
That doesn't make that, doesn't like make your gift shine more.

01:17:19.368 --> 01:17:32.826
It is still the Lord, it is, it is, it is still God and what God wants, you don't, you don't, you don't have a say in how God wants to love his people and in, uh, serving.

01:17:32.826 --> 01:17:39.880
I learned so much more in serving and in growing in God and in like ministry.

01:17:39.880 --> 01:17:49.800
I've learned so much more because, again, the weight of the assignment will cause you to shift so that you understand and know God more.

01:17:51.007 --> 01:17:52.252
But yeah, I had to unlearn that.

01:17:52.404 --> 01:17:53.570
I had to unlearn fear.

01:17:53.570 --> 01:18:04.444
I had to unlearn control, I had to unlearn thinking I was, you know, top tier preaching over here and it was like nah, girl, just back up, that's what the Lord said.

01:18:04.444 --> 01:18:07.152
The Lord said back up, back up, and I said, okay, thank you.

01:18:10.627 --> 01:18:16.096
All right, so I think we've sufficiently bared our souls.

01:18:16.096 --> 01:18:19.516
Yeah, that's enough of that.

01:18:19.516 --> 01:18:22.841
I think it's enough of that, so we won't mention this again.

01:18:22.902 --> 01:18:34.131
no, I'm just joking tell no one what you've heard here today, except tell everyone actually, because what we need you to do, ruth Abigail, what do we need the people to do?

01:18:34.506 --> 01:18:41.131
we need the people to like to share, to comment, to subscribe specifically, to like to share, to comment, to subscribe specifically on that share piece.

01:18:41.131 --> 01:18:43.337
Share this with people, share.

01:18:43.337 --> 01:18:50.467
They need to be encouraged by understanding that the faith is a journey and not just a moment and a decision.

01:18:50.467 --> 01:18:56.649
It's a journey and it's you're going to go through and you'll come out, in different places at different times in your life, and that's okay.

01:18:56.649 --> 01:19:03.006
Um, so you know, we again, we want to engage with you, let us know, we love to know your stories.

01:19:03.006 --> 01:19:09.878
We would love to know, um, what, uh, what your, you know what your journey has been like.

01:19:09.878 --> 01:19:25.462
Yeah, and we also want to encourage anyone who's hearing this and is coming up with like more questions around their faith to seek out guidance from people in your life.

01:19:25.462 --> 01:19:37.460
Maybe they are, maybe it's, maybe it is a local church, maybe you're at a church and you've been at a church, but you've never you've never been brave enough to ask certain questions or to engage in certain conversations.

01:19:37.460 --> 01:19:39.050
Find someone that you trust.

01:19:39.385 --> 01:19:46.817
If you don't have a local church, then maybe you have a friend who is on this journey too, that you can talk about things with.

01:19:46.817 --> 01:19:56.533
Maybe you have a mentor, maybe it's your parents, maybe it's somebody in your family, but don't just keep it inside, don't just wrestle with it in your head.

01:19:56.533 --> 01:20:05.242
Find someone to share something with and an unpack it, because we do realize that some of this is some.

01:20:05.242 --> 01:20:19.207
This could be some heavy stuff, this could be some things that, uh, can be kind of hard to grasp and can bring up certain things in your life and your past or your present, that present that you haven't dealt with, need to deal with, have kind of avoided.

01:20:19.207 --> 01:20:21.172
Just don't let it sit there.

01:20:21.172 --> 01:20:22.636
Like don't let it sit there.

01:20:23.706 --> 01:20:32.493
I have found that, more times than not, god works through the people in my life to bring me to certain places in my faith journey.

01:20:32.493 --> 01:20:35.918
So, like, just watch out for those moments.

01:20:35.918 --> 01:20:37.449
So I would just encourage you to find somebody.

01:20:37.449 --> 01:20:38.594
It could be at the church you're at.

01:20:38.594 --> 01:20:44.858
If you don't have that somebody in your life, you know, maybe it's your grandmother, who you know love the Lord you ain't talked to in a while.

01:20:44.984 --> 01:20:46.090
Praying grandmother.

01:20:46.090 --> 01:20:47.068
I knew that I was.

01:20:47.068 --> 01:20:48.131
I set you up for that.

01:20:48.131 --> 01:20:49.826
Hallelujah Y'all.

01:20:49.826 --> 01:20:51.733
I can't wait to be somebody praying grandma.

01:20:51.733 --> 01:20:55.090
You kind of bring that baby to me Like.

01:20:55.109 --> 01:20:56.271
you're not far from it.

01:20:56.653 --> 01:20:58.515
My Lord, I cannot wait.

01:20:58.936 --> 01:21:01.605
So, anyway, just just just do that.

01:21:01.605 --> 01:21:08.436
And, man, I said y'all we are I will say this is it we are actually going to.

01:21:08.436 --> 01:21:14.057
I want you to be on the lookout for our very, for our next series.

01:21:14.057 --> 01:21:37.069
We've done certain series for it, like interview series where I have a guest on and we'll talk about something We've done unlearning religion, we've done unlearning marriages, We've done unlearning shoot, unlearning your personality, and I'm missing another one, but it's in the archives, and this one we are going to do unlearning entrepreneurship.

01:21:37.850 --> 01:21:39.233
Why entrepreneurship?

01:21:39.233 --> 01:22:04.390
Because I don't think I go through a week where somebody doesn't say I want to start a business, I want to start my own nonprofit, and most of the time I say I don't know that you do, and so I think it'd be really interesting to talk to people who have decided to go off and venture on their own and say I'm going to take responsibility for something, an idea that God has given me or an idea that I feel like has just landed into my head and I want to build on it.

01:22:04.390 --> 01:22:06.074
That's a really, really difficult thing.

01:22:06.074 --> 01:22:30.501
So, and I find them to be the most interesting conversations, like entrepreneurs are pretty special people, and so that I think that's going to be our next series unlearning entrepreneurship and whether you're an entrepreneur or you have an entrepreneurial mind, that is maybe within the context of a of a job, this.

01:22:30.501 --> 01:22:33.266
I think this could be really interesting for you to understand.

01:22:33.327 --> 01:22:40.117
What are some things that people who have done it have had to unlearn and what are some things that you can unlearn in order to grow in that skill.

01:22:40.117 --> 01:22:43.001
So that'll be our next series.

01:22:43.001 --> 01:22:44.527
Be on the lookout for it.

01:22:44.527 --> 01:22:48.595
In the next few weeks, we will drop the episodes for that.

01:22:48.595 --> 01:22:50.319
So that is it.

01:22:51.845 --> 01:22:57.918
Let's keep unlearning together so that you can experience more freedom, peace.

01:22:57.918 --> 01:23:06.814
Thank you once again for listening to the Unlearned Podcast.

01:23:06.814 --> 01:23:10.994
We would love to hear your comments and your feedback about the episode.

01:23:10.994 --> 01:23:17.734
Feel free to follow us on Facebook and Instagram and to let us know what you think.

01:23:17.734 --> 01:23:24.076
We're looking forward to the next time when we are able to unlearn together to move forward towards freedom.

01:23:24.076 --> 01:23:24.978
See you then.