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May 14, 2024

Talks With Middle Adults: Unlearning Your Relationship with Money… Let’s Get Into It

Talks With Middle Adults: Unlearning Your Relationship with Money… Let’s Get Into It
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. This episode isn't just about counting pennies—it's about reshaping our attitudes towards wealth. We'll guide you through the tightrope walk of financial independence, stress the importance of wise giving, and disclose why mastering everyday budgeting is the real secret to financial freedom. Whether you're single, navigating a relationship, or part of a military family, we've got insights that'll help you harness the power of clear communication and intentional habits. And for those moments when you need that extra push? We'll share how motivational content and expert advice can fuel your drive towards positive financial behavior.

Looking to the future, we dig into the essentials of saving for the uncertain and the challenges of building generational wealth. Join us as we confront the realities of financial preparation, from the struggles of squirreling away funds to the rewards of seeing your hard-earned money work for you over time. Our candid discussions reveal that by taking responsibility for our financial growth today, we pave the way for a brighter, more secure tomorrow. So, tune in, get inspired, and let's break free from the old narratives surrounding money together.

Chapters

00:05 - Navigating Money Relationships and Boundaries

10:22 - Financial Stewardship and Discernment

14:54 - Mastering Financial Discipline and Control

24:35 - Financial Discipline for Everyday Budgeting

37:24 - Building Financial Habits for Success

42:10 - Talking About Finances in Relationships

46:10 - Taking Responsibility for Financial Growth

57:48 - Challenges of Saving for the Future

Transcript
WEBVTT

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hello everybody and welcome once again to the unlearned podcast.

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This is the podcast that is helping you gain the courage to change your mind so that you can experience more freedom, and I am your host with abigail aka ra what up?

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what up?

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It's your girl, jaquita.

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What's up we in these money streets?

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Okay, so we just gonna jump right in.

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We ain't gonna do the little back and forth how you doing kind of thing, we just jumping into the money.

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See you two used to being married.

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You want to be cared about.

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Who's?

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Abigail, how are you?

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How's your day, how's your week?

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Are you feeling purposeful, you feeling fulfilled?

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How's that going?

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yes, I am.

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It's been a good week.

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I'm feeling purposeful, I'm feeling fulfilled.

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So, yes, thank you for asking Jaquita, how are you?

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I'm sorry.

00:01:01.594 --> 00:01:02.918
Alright, I apologize.

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Quick, funny note I saw this, this meme or this little thing on Instagram where it was a guy who was texting this girl.

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He was like hello, nicole, did you forget you had a relationship?

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And she said I'm so sorry, I've been single so long I forgot.

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He was like I haven't heard from you in weeks.

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She was like, and then she said you want something to eat?

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You hungry?

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Hilarious, hilarious, okay.

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So sometimes we single folks forget to check in, but it's all right, just know that you're loved, you're adored, I care a lot about you, but my week has been, my week's been really fantastic.

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You know, out here I just I'm loving the relationships that I'm learning and growing in and you know we're just out here in these streets, making a difference.

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You know imparting into the young adult leaders All right, we're here for y'all.

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We, the middle adults, we're here, we love you and we're here to share our ups and downs, highs and lows.

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My Lord.

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You know great moments, proud moments and not so prideful moments.

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And not so proud moments.

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You know what I'm saying.

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We'll put it out there for you.

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One of the things that we have some proud moments and not so proud moments in is the money.

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Let's talk about the money.

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Let's talk about what it looks like to unlearn money.

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Let's do it.

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There's been a lot of apprehension coming to this day.

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Weida has not wanted to talk about this.

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Let's just put it all out there.

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I have been delaying this one.

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I have been delaying this one.

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I have been literally this one, you know, I just feel like one money is something that you don't.

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You know.

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First you have to understand why you have the relationship with money that you have.

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You know like you grew up seeing money being used a certain way, you know, and then that kind of like goes and puts you in a tailspin of like having to learn.

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You know your relationship with Monday, and one thing I always say is that I really know, believe and understand God as a provider, because I have gotten myself in some positions where it was like, okay, lord, I would like to, now that I done messed this up, I would like to now put this in your hands, lord.

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Could you but please, father, god, help your daughter get out of this particular situation, because here we are again and so we had to trust, we had to trust the Lord to bring it back.

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And so you know it's been a relationship with money.

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Not that I have a bad relationship with money.

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I have a growing one.

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I used to tell my students that character is not good or bad.

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Character is either developed or undeveloped.

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So it's not that you are good or bad with money.

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You have either developed some good money habits or you haven't, and it's just straight like that, you know.

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So I think that you know we're here today to talk to you about our stories of development.

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Okay, and here to tell you all about the things.

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So we found this article, um, and it's by the business insider, and we're just going to, like, take some of these things and just talk from, talk about it from our perspective.

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But they did a survey.

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Uh, this was a few years ago, but they did a survey where they were they're listing the seven hardest things you'll ever have to do with your money.

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Okay, and so when we're reading through this, it was like, oh yeah, we gonna tick all those off the list, cause that's true, like those are definitely things that we have had to do and we just want to talk about them.

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So we're just gonna read it, we're gonna read one of them and then we're just gonna share a little bit and we're just gonna go down the list.

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All right, is that cool?

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So, queen, we can like tag team, we'll just go back and forth all right.

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So the first thing that they list is, uh, as one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do with your money is.

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Okay, this is great.

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We just go dive in turning down a family member's request for a loan my lord have you ever had to do that?

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Have you ever had to or or or be on the other side having to ask for it?

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that's hard too, right, yeah, no, for real, you know.

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And I think a lot of times, especially in the middle adult in the millennial phase, you know like we came through some rough economic times, right.

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And like, coming out of my master's degree program, I was unemployed for a bit of time, right and sleeping on a best friend's couch.

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Shout out, jeanne, I love you.

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Forever sleeping on a best friend's couch.

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Shout out, jhane, I love you forever.

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Shout out, I was getting like $92 a week in unemployment.

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And when I tell you, that's how I learned how to cook, because when you're sleeping on someone's couch and you haven't gotten a job yet, you better contribute somehow.

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And so I was in there.

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Like she came home, I was like, is that roast and potatoes on the table?

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Yes, it is, yes, it is.

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And so I feel like I've just been in circumstances where I've been blessed that people were willing to sow into my life.

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You got to put it in spiritual terms, you know, people were willing to sow a seed into my future.

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But I've also been in positions where people have asked me for things that I've had to say no to.

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Have asked me to cover expenses for a family member that I one was unable to.

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Because they have a perception of oh, jaquita went to college, jaquita got a good job working down there at that good university making what they think is that good money.

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And they also think Jaquita doesn't have any kids, so Jaquita should have money and should be able to.

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You know, blah, blah, blah.

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And Jaquita don't got it quite yet, quite like y'all think I do.

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But the perception, especially as a first generation college student, the perception is is that you are killing it and I have had to when I make my budget.

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You know, of course, there I'm a giver, so I'm going to find ways to give, but I have to be really mindful about the ways that I do give.

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But I also, again, in that same token, I have to be, I have to be mindful of the way that I've been provided, for.

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Jaquita wouldn't have gotten to where Jaquita is without the people who have kept her up until this point.

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And so you know, there's some things.

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I really try to be led by the Lord in the way that I'm giving.

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There have been times where I have really financially poured into the lives of other people and I told the Lord that I would.

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There was a scripture, lord, I have to find it.

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I told the Lord that I would.

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There was a scripture, lord.

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I have to find it.

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I told the Lord that I would be a lender as long as he needed me to, and when I tell you, it was a blessed place to be.

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But I also learned a lot in that and I had to learn to set boundaries and limits on that.

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But I also had to agree to be a cheerful giver in that sense.

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But there are boundaries and I think boundaries is what's important to learn.

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And I think so in this article.

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It kind of says you know, it gives a hard answer to that, like you should always like.

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Basically, the best thing to say is just say no, right.

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That's kind of their opening line for it, and I do think there's nuance to it.

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Like you said, queda, there's nuance to it and there's a recognition that you didn't get here by yourself, but there is the boundary.

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Setting boundaries is going to be key and also be realistic.

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So sometimes it may not be a no, it might not be a right, it might be a no, not right now, and it's not a never, but it might be a not now.

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Here's the other thing.

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That's just what I one of the things, one of the my father, my parents I'll say my parents, but my dad, I heard it from my dad the most um taught me a lot of things.

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This is one of the most important things they taught me.

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I literally have grown up this, uh, grown up like this and still hold true to it today.

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He said never give a loan.

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He said if you're going to give somebody money, give it to them, period, don't.

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Don't have this exchange.

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That's where there's in your family close, not close whatever.

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He also told me this.

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He also said never, never require gas money.

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Never ask somebody to do gas money.

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He Say you've been too blessed for that.

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Don't do that.

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Right.

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And and I I've.

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Those two things are stuck with me Whenever, whenever I've given rides.

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When I was, I was one of the um.

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Only one of my friend groups had a car at the time, and so I'd be picking folk up.

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Let me get you gas money.

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No, I don't want it.

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I'm good, Like, even if I didn't really have it.

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That's just not an expectation I'm about to come with, Like, no, don't, don't give me gas money.

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And if somebody asked me for money and I have it, I'm never going to require you to pay me back.

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Now, if you decide on your own accord, I just want to do this because I just want to do it.

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That's on you and I'm and I've also learned not to deny people that opportunity to do it, to pay it forward, even if pay it back.

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I will say that right, Because sometimes that's what people?

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need to do, even for themselves.

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But you know, never require it and I and, and so those two principles for me have really, really helped with my understanding of money.

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Because if we do believe in Quita and I believe right in a god that has an abundant cattle on a thousand hills, I threw it out there, right, yeah, lord.

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so at the end of the day, we understand, we believe that our the source is the source Like we know it's coming back right, but there are some moments where it's just like I ain't got it, like I ain't got it, I can't do it, and we have to be okay with saying that, because there is a responsibility, I'll say this other thing and I'll be done.

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This is one of the things, one of the revelations that came.

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This was a few years ago, but, um, you were created by god.

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You were produced by your parents, but you were created by god.

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God owns you, not your parents my lord they are.

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they're responsible to be stewards of what God created.

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But they don't own you.

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And so when you get to a place of independence financially, you have to remember that you are not your parents, don't own your money, don't own your time, don't own that.

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And so you then have the opportunity to invest back into the people who invested into you.

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But you have to be wise about when you're going to be able to do that, and that is a really difficult thing, which is why it's on this list.

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It's a hard thing to do, but if you don't do that, if you kind of just continue to answer that call for family members or friends or whoever before you're ready, you'll never get to a place where you can actually thrive financially.

00:12:13.812 --> 00:12:35.399
And there is just a reality to that, and then the people who are calling and pulling on you will only get scraps from you, because that's all you're ever able to build up, because you keep giving away too soon, I mean, I think I think you also have to be mindful and we don't have to stay stuck here, but you also have to be mindful, like I believe in intentional sewing.

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You know like sure, there's time that you're giving, but you know if there are things that you are giving into, you got to be mindful of what you're giving into.

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Are you giving into a bad mindset?

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Are you?

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giving into their own.

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You know, disregard for, like, financial management and are you giving.

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Like you know, sometimes stuff really does happen, right, and so, like money, for me, money can't be the top priority, right.

00:13:03.928 --> 00:13:22.716
So, like when I'm thinking about, if my mom came and asked for anything, you know, I know my mom, I know how she financially stewards, I know how she, you know X, y and Z, like there's not, that's not going to be a question in my mind, because I know what I'm giving into, I know that I'm pouring something that's going into good soil right now.

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Every, every request for money isn't like that.

00:13:25.619 --> 00:13:37.061
And but you know, like I've, I've just been around, you know, just as you're considering whether or not to give, if you have it right, all of this conversation is if you have it right.

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This is, this is an if you have it conversation.

00:13:40.347 --> 00:13:54.149
Right, if your bills are paid, if you, you know you're talking about what you're taking out of your storehouse, you know, I I just think that when you're making those decisions, it's, it's not a money decision at that point that's good.

00:13:54.509 --> 00:14:07.663
it's not a money decision, and so I think that there's more to pray about, more to think through as you're making that decision versus you know I'm gonna cut and dry I don't give out loans like I don't give you know I I'm going to cut and dry I don't give out loans Like I don't give you know.

00:14:07.663 --> 00:14:14.970
I think that there's a heart issue there that you should consider Like why is my heart so tied to this money in that way that I can't that?

00:14:14.970 --> 00:14:15.692
I can't that.

00:14:15.692 --> 00:14:19.885
I won't allow God to allow me to be a disbursement center with that.

00:14:19.885 --> 00:14:21.187
So I don't know.

00:14:21.187 --> 00:14:22.850
No, I think that's real good.

00:14:22.850 --> 00:14:24.552
That's a hard one for them to start off with.

00:14:24.552 --> 00:14:26.215
They could have led into that one.

00:14:26.620 --> 00:14:29.764
You know that's tough, they went straight into it.

00:14:30.539 --> 00:14:31.544
Yeah, that's tough.

00:14:31.544 --> 00:14:34.025
We'll move on, though, Cause you know that's that's hard.

00:14:34.025 --> 00:14:36.346
Y'all bite and chew on that as you as you will.

00:14:36.346 --> 00:14:37.789
Okay, so the second one.

00:14:37.809 --> 00:14:38.672
Pray and discern.

00:14:51.220 --> 00:14:54.380
Pray bite Bite to emperor, all right.

00:14:54.380 --> 00:15:02.524
So the second one is learning how to live within or below your means, child, when the means ain't meaning okay, I cannot.

00:15:02.524 --> 00:15:14.469
Living at or below your means when the means ain't meaning Like, these means don't even mean yeah, they're not.

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Even the means are not meeting the needs of my life, right?

00:15:19.931 --> 00:15:33.895
And so when you watch me live below app, there's this little like metric on there that says oh, you know, jaquita, your typical spending, you typically spend, you know, $200 more than what you make, all right.

00:15:33.895 --> 00:15:38.756
Or you know you are you're spending 300 less than what you bring in, right?

00:15:38.756 --> 00:15:41.658
And it either tells you good job, or it's like caution lights.

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You know, and I really you know, I try to live my life so that that little metric will show that.

00:15:48.969 --> 00:15:53.985
That little metric will show that I've been living beneath, you know, living beneath the mean.

00:15:54.024 --> 00:15:56.090
But it's like a constant check for me.

00:15:56.090 --> 00:16:02.408
Like one time years ago, it was like you spend $600 more than you make and I was like, how do I do that?

00:16:02.408 --> 00:16:05.852
What do I need to do?

00:16:05.852 --> 00:16:06.754
Right, but it it?

00:16:06.754 --> 00:16:11.251
It cautioned me to go in and check through my spending habits.

00:16:11.251 --> 00:16:17.188
I was like, wait a minute, okay, something about the way that I'm spending is off because there's no way.

00:16:17.188 --> 00:16:30.491
That means I'm pulling from savings, I'm using credit cards right, I'm using money that I don't actually have, Right, and so it's a check in my spirit to say okay, go reevaluate the way that you've been spending because something's off.

00:16:31.399 --> 00:16:48.827
Yeah and that, and I think, going back to what you said earlier, what's the motivation behind the overspending and and really really having some difficult conversations with yourself and or with somebody else Like you, really talk about that, because there's a what are we?

00:16:48.827 --> 00:16:50.051
What are we trying to prove?

00:16:50.051 --> 00:16:52.928
What are you trying to avoid?

00:16:52.928 --> 00:16:54.445
What are you trying?

00:16:54.445 --> 00:16:56.587
What do you think you deserve Right?

00:16:56.587 --> 00:17:00.211
Those types of questions go way beyond money.

00:17:00.211 --> 00:17:19.354
Money is just the fruit of that, and so when you start finding yourself spending other people's money, aka using a credit card, my lord, uh, you don't have right now spending money you do not have right on things that you don't need right um you got to ask yourself where's that coming from?

00:17:19.619 --> 00:17:20.823
because that there that is.

00:17:20.823 --> 00:17:31.529
That is actually a symptom of something a lot deeper and because that living within or below your means, that means can grow right.

00:17:31.529 --> 00:17:36.288
Your means today don't have to be your means in 10 years, but it will be if you don't take care of it.

00:17:36.980 --> 00:17:42.779
Yeah, and the thing about it is is that that's not determined by your habits.

00:17:42.779 --> 00:17:46.826
Determine how much overflow you have, not your income right.

00:17:46.846 --> 00:17:47.269
Correct.

00:17:47.269 --> 00:17:52.948
Ruth felt that in her soul right, I do, Because you can make more money.

00:17:52.948 --> 00:17:59.405
But that little chart can still say okay, but you still have the same habits, You're still spending more.

00:17:59.405 --> 00:18:05.641
You made more, so you went out and spent more, and so now you don't have anything in the storehouse, Right?

00:18:06.061 --> 00:18:17.462
I remember when I had a couple of jobs ago not not at the current one, I had, you know, we would get off work on Fridays early and my little treat to myself was I worked hard this week.

00:18:17.462 --> 00:18:20.750
I deserve to go out in these spending streets.

00:18:20.750 --> 00:18:22.834
Okay, and so I would.

00:18:22.834 --> 00:18:27.462
I have my little circuit of little stores I used to go visit every Friday.

00:18:27.462 --> 00:18:30.669
You know, I'm like I need to see what's in TJ Maxx.

00:18:30.669 --> 00:18:32.980
I need to hit Nordstrom, rack up.

00:18:32.980 --> 00:18:35.967
Let me see what's at the old Navy, Right?

00:18:35.967 --> 00:18:38.132
And so I'm just walking in these stores.

00:18:38.132 --> 00:18:41.003
I haven't written out my budget, I don't have a.

00:18:41.003 --> 00:18:45.374
I don't have a spending plan for how much money I even have to spend.

00:18:45.374 --> 00:18:48.227
And you go in that store and you convince yourself.

00:18:48.227 --> 00:18:54.291
I'm also a coupon queen and sometimes for all of my couponers it's a trap, baby, it's a trap.

00:18:54.291 --> 00:19:04.270
Just because you get 20% off don't mean you need to buy it right Just because you think you'll never see it at this price again.

00:19:04.270 --> 00:19:06.707
It'll never be $10 again.

00:19:06.707 --> 00:19:07.589
Yes, it will.

00:19:07.900 --> 00:19:09.944
Can we, can we just pause and we?

00:19:09.944 --> 00:19:12.569
Can we just give the Lord a praise for this shift?

00:19:12.569 --> 00:19:13.833
I don't need it.

00:19:15.585 --> 00:19:16.186
I don't need to do that.

00:19:16.186 --> 00:19:16.869
There was a day.

00:19:17.540 --> 00:19:18.324
Let me have a moment.

00:19:18.324 --> 00:19:19.207
Let me have my moment.

00:19:19.207 --> 00:19:22.886
There was a day, oh, there was a day, Lord.

00:19:22.886 --> 00:19:25.211
There was a day, Ooh, there was a day, Lord.

00:19:25.211 --> 00:19:28.541
There was a day when that those phrases wouldn't have come out of her mouth.

00:19:28.541 --> 00:19:34.442
Boy, Ooh, that does my soul good, Because that's the kind of thing I'll be like yo.

00:19:34.442 --> 00:19:35.797
That don't make no sense, queen.

00:19:35.797 --> 00:19:37.326
Okay, you get 50% off.

00:19:37.326 --> 00:19:39.768
You ain't got the money for the 50%.

00:19:39.768 --> 00:19:43.736
Now before Ruth has to get too excited.

00:19:43.736 --> 00:19:44.842
I need that moment right now.

00:19:44.862 --> 00:19:46.445
Before she gets too excited.

00:19:46.445 --> 00:19:57.613
I do still believe the Lord can bless in a sale and that when you catch it and when your spirit say go, it may not make sense to her, but between me and my God we good.

00:19:58.034 --> 00:19:58.354
Oh gosh.

00:19:58.920 --> 00:20:04.292
But I think the problem is not it's on sale, I want it, I should have it.

00:20:04.292 --> 00:20:07.650
The problem is that do you have this budgeted?

00:20:07.650 --> 00:20:10.568
Do you have the income to get this?

00:20:10.568 --> 00:20:24.388
Have you made the necessary sacrifices in the beginning of the week so that when you get to the end of the week and you see something that's on sale that God has put there for you, you made the sacrifices so that you can afford it?

00:20:24.388 --> 00:20:31.381
Right, the problem wasn't that, it wasn't a blessing, because, if you know your girl, I'm really good at what I do.

00:20:31.381 --> 00:20:32.825
I can get stuff for the low.

00:20:32.825 --> 00:20:34.348
Okay, I really can.

00:20:34.348 --> 00:20:35.652
I'm really good at what I do.

00:20:35.652 --> 00:20:42.483
All right, but by the time I've gotten to that point in the week, I've made no sacrifices at the beginning of the week.

00:20:42.523 --> 00:20:44.690
So now buying that thing is a burden.

00:20:44.690 --> 00:21:11.844
Buying that thing is going to put me in a deficit and I used to buy it anyway is what he's getting at right, but you have to live your life, not that I can get everything I want, but you have to live your life at a level of discipline so that when you get to the moments where those things are put in front of you, you've made the sacrifice and you've had good stewardship so that you can have those things.

00:21:11.844 --> 00:21:15.030
It's not about I never want nice things.

00:21:15.030 --> 00:21:17.905
I can never have nice things because I don't make enough.

00:21:17.905 --> 00:21:24.067
No, you got to figure out the level of sacrifice it's going to take, and sacrifice means discipline in your spending.

00:21:24.446 --> 00:21:28.820
Sacrifice may mean finding other sources of income Right.

00:21:28.820 --> 00:21:34.124
Sacrifice may mean, and will mean telling a lot of people no, do you want to go out to eat?

00:21:34.124 --> 00:21:35.769
No, do you want to go to the movies?

00:21:35.769 --> 00:21:38.025
No, do you want to go shopping?

00:21:38.025 --> 00:21:44.412
No, no, no, because I'm sacrificing now, because I got a vision and a purpose that I'm trying to get to later.

00:21:44.412 --> 00:21:46.284
Right, and all of that's necessary.

00:21:46.885 --> 00:21:54.003
It is, and so that that really, I mean, we're really kind of already talking about, about the third one is learning how to control your spending Right, and so it's.

00:21:54.003 --> 00:21:58.612
It's that word discipline, man, is so important.

00:21:58.612 --> 00:21:59.875
It just is.

00:21:59.875 --> 00:22:18.551
I mean, we can't that that if you want to ask yourself why you aren't where you want to be, it's probably because you're undisciplined and I'm speaking to myself too, yeah, but that's the truth Like it's probably because you're undisciplined, and it's not just one of those things.

00:22:18.551 --> 00:22:22.028
It's one time you have to get it under control Right.

00:22:22.028 --> 00:22:25.806
Control your money, so it don't control you, and that, and that's that is what most of your money, so it don't control you.

00:22:25.806 --> 00:22:28.094
And that is what most of us out here letting our money control us.

00:22:28.094 --> 00:22:40.964
And when you don't get control over that, that thing goes wild, because your money don't care about you, your money don't care about you, them credit cards don't care about you, them loans don't care about you Don't care about you.

00:22:41.740 --> 00:22:46.702
When I make a decision, she don't say, hey, girl, hold on, don't care about.

00:22:46.702 --> 00:22:48.292
When I'm making a decision, she don't say, hey, girl, hold on, back up, girl.

00:22:48.292 --> 00:22:49.420
She'd be like we got a little something on the card.

00:22:49.420 --> 00:22:54.269
We got, yeah, don't care, I don't care.

00:22:54.269 --> 00:23:00.307
And the people who gave you the credit card are not, are not mindful of you.

00:23:00.307 --> 00:23:03.961
They're not mindful of your, your money goals, they don't care.

00:23:03.961 --> 00:23:05.686
They want you in as much debt as possible.

00:23:06.028 --> 00:23:20.320
Well, and not only do they not care, but they actually have the exact opposite agenda, which is to get you in as much debt as you possibly can, and so that is so that it makes them more money.

00:23:20.320 --> 00:23:21.867
So let's just be clear about that.

00:23:21.867 --> 00:23:36.260
And so now, anyway, I'm not going to go on a tangent about credit cards, but, um, we gotta, we gotta get more disciplined with our spending, and I think that's, you know, like Quida was saying, for me, the best tool to do that has been a budget tool.

00:23:36.260 --> 00:23:40.326
Um, and you know there are lots of them out there.

00:23:40.886 --> 00:23:53.630
I'm old school, I like using a spreadsheet and I have a spreadsheet that has all the calculations on it, it has all my different categories of spending, and and here's, here's what I had to learn, and I think it's a budget is not.

00:23:53.630 --> 00:23:55.012
It's not something you do one time.

00:23:55.012 --> 00:23:56.083
That is not, it's not.

00:23:56.083 --> 00:23:57.807
You don't just say, oh, I have a budget, I did it.

00:23:57.807 --> 00:24:03.247
No, a budget is a living, breathing document that should change according to your current situation.

00:24:03.247 --> 00:24:16.492
Yo, yo, the way these this week will be different than next week, and your budget needs to reflect that you might you know you might have to go get an oil change.

00:24:18.240 --> 00:24:20.488
You won't have to get one next week, so take that off your budget.

00:24:20.488 --> 00:24:21.680
Put it somewhere else, right you?

00:24:21.700 --> 00:24:22.702
might have a birthday dinner for your best friend.

00:24:22.702 --> 00:24:23.285
That is happening this week.

00:24:23.285 --> 00:24:25.269
Your birthday the birthday dinner is not next week, so take that and put it somewhere else right.

00:24:25.269 --> 00:24:26.393
You might have a birthday dinner for your best friend.

00:24:26.393 --> 00:24:30.280
That is happening this week, the birthday dinner is not next week, so take that and put it somewhere else right.

00:24:30.280 --> 00:24:35.083
And you've got to think through it every time you're dealing.

00:24:35.083 --> 00:24:39.688
I make my budget, every paycheck.

00:24:39.688 --> 00:24:42.253
So some people do it per month, which is fine.

00:24:42.253 --> 00:24:51.946
I do it every two weeks and and so because I like to stay ahead of that, like I'm better at doing it like that, yeah, can.

00:24:52.007 --> 00:24:52.969
I make a quick.

00:24:52.969 --> 00:24:54.632
Can I quickly advocate?

00:24:54.632 --> 00:25:04.605
Yes, I was doing my budget by paycheck, and now and I still do, because it's you know you need to know where the dollars of this paycheck are going, right.

00:25:04.605 --> 00:25:15.118
But recently I sat down and did my budget for the month, like, what are all my expenses for the month and how is that, you know, reflected in my paychecks?

00:25:15.118 --> 00:25:28.355
And what I discovered was that I was like, oh my gosh, I did not realize that I was leaving every, every check in a deficit, that I was using money from in a deficit, that I was using money from the next check to pay for bills for this check and so on.

00:25:28.355 --> 00:25:29.136
And so I was.

00:25:29.136 --> 00:25:36.126
Actually I didn't realize that that was causing me to live above my means, because I was looking at my money from one scope.

00:25:36.126 --> 00:25:49.707
And so what I would advise you to do is to take your money and to look at it from a 360 view, like go all the way around it and say, okay, if I budget according to paycheck, this is what my money looks like.

00:25:49.707 --> 00:25:52.440
If I'm looking at it for the month, this is what it looks like.

00:25:52.440 --> 00:26:06.130
If I take my annual salary and break everything down, that's what that looks like Like really just have a one-on-one session with yourself, with you and your money, and really comb through how much am I spending on this?

00:26:06.451 --> 00:26:09.196
Go back and look at your spending habits, right?

00:26:09.196 --> 00:26:13.153
If you, and when you look at your spending habits, you're really looking at your habits.

00:26:13.153 --> 00:26:13.736
Right.

00:26:13.736 --> 00:26:19.377
If you have a coffee habit, that's going to be reflected in your spending, how much am I spending on coffee?

00:26:19.377 --> 00:26:20.968
How much am I spending eating out?

00:26:20.968 --> 00:26:21.950
Right?

00:26:21.950 --> 00:26:26.038
How much am I spending on these little Friday frou-frou shopping trips?

00:26:26.038 --> 00:26:31.144
You know, because in my mind, if I spend $20, you know $20 ain't nothing.

00:26:31.144 --> 00:26:35.916
But if I spend $20 every week, that's 20 times 52.

00:26:35.916 --> 00:26:40.875
That's over $1,000 that I have spent on Friday trips.

00:26:40.875 --> 00:26:43.922
Right, that I have spent on Friday trips, right?

00:26:43.922 --> 00:26:46.489
How does that make me feel?

00:26:46.568 --> 00:27:02.151
When I look at the number in a different way, and I think that it will make you re-evaluate the way that you are approaching your spending, because it is easy with that check, you'd be like I was doing my checks and I was like, oh, I got 300 extra dollars this month.

00:27:02.151 --> 00:27:03.576
My goal may be like 100 in savings and 200,.

00:27:03.576 --> 00:27:05.944
I'm gonna like I was doing my checks and I was like, oh, I got $300 extra this month.

00:27:05.944 --> 00:27:09.369
My goal may be like a hundred in savings and 200, I'm going to do what I want to do.

00:27:09.369 --> 00:27:10.392
But I didn't realize I was living out of a deficit.

00:27:10.392 --> 00:27:11.756
So I really needed that $200.

00:27:11.756 --> 00:27:15.574
I just didn't need it from that check for those for the bills due.

00:27:15.574 --> 00:27:16.858
Right then, right.

00:27:16.858 --> 00:27:20.730
But when I looked at it differently it completely changed the way I approached my money.

00:27:21.471 --> 00:27:22.094
That's really good.

00:27:22.094 --> 00:27:24.157
I realized that I just did my tax.

00:27:24.157 --> 00:27:35.655
Well, I'm almost done with my taxes because I'm definitely waiting till the last minute, but I was looking at so I have a for my retirement.

00:27:35.655 --> 00:27:37.553
I have an IRA that I've set up.

00:27:37.553 --> 00:27:46.718
And so I looked at I had to do my like yearly contributions and I did not put in as much as I thought I did.

00:27:47.945 --> 00:27:56.692
But, and part of that was I did like I like what you're saying, have a 360 view of it, because I'm I'm very conscious of what's being.

00:27:56.692 --> 00:28:29.517
Um, uh, you know what I'm doing from week every two, every paycheck, or month to month, right, I'm more conscious of that than I am the entire year and I realized, oh shoot, like I've been, I've been I've been sacrificing the long-term for the short-term in that, in that, right, I've been saying, oh yeah, I'm gonna put stuff in that, like, I put stuff in there and I do, but it's not nearly as much as I should, and so and that's because I am part of that is because I am not paying attention to the overall.

00:28:29.517 --> 00:28:40.733
So what I'm going to do, what I have to unlearn, even in this moment, is you need to set a yearly goal, like for putting whatever in your, in your IRA, right, in my case, in my IRA.

00:28:40.733 --> 00:28:45.141
So, like, the yearly, the contribution limit is $6,000.

00:28:45.141 --> 00:28:47.809
Okay, like, do I feel like I can get there?

00:28:47.809 --> 00:29:06.007
Okay, it has to be somewhere between zero and 6,000, pick a number and get there, like, and so that I know, like, for me, even in this moment, I'm like oh yeah, I should definitely do that because it wasn't what I thought it was, and so that's recognizing again, it's a discipline thing.

00:29:06.007 --> 00:29:07.089
It's a discipline thing, it's an awareness thing.

00:29:07.130 --> 00:29:10.965
Don't let your money just be coming, slipping through your hands, going to.

00:29:10.965 --> 00:29:21.090
I think can we go back to what you said about saying no, because that, right there, hey, man, we don't say no enough when it comes to money.

00:29:21.090 --> 00:29:38.173
Because when it comes to spending in ways that we feel like most stuff that you're saying yes to is not going anywhere and I think that's like, hey, there will be other movies that come out and, by the way, it's probably coming to your streaming site that you're probably paying for in the next couple of weeks.

00:29:38.173 --> 00:29:40.577
Don't go, don't go, don't spend that $20.

00:29:40.577 --> 00:29:41.279
That's not necessary.

00:29:41.279 --> 00:29:44.748
Weeks, don't go, don't go, don't spend that twenty dollars.

00:29:44.748 --> 00:29:45.169
That's not necessary.

00:29:45.169 --> 00:29:45.852
Or you know, you're that thing.

00:29:45.852 --> 00:29:46.914
That ipad that you were looking to buy.

00:29:46.914 --> 00:29:53.031
It will be on sale when you're ready to buy it I saw we have a discount store called gabe's.

00:29:53.192 --> 00:29:59.249
They're now selling ipads and macbooks and I'm like you get ipad for seventy dollars.

00:29:59.249 --> 00:30:03.555
Wow, wow, I can have $70.

00:30:03.555 --> 00:30:03.815
Wow, wow.

00:30:06.680 --> 00:30:10.576
I'm okay with that as long as it's in your budget.

00:30:10.576 --> 00:30:17.010
So you know, I just think we have to know that most of the things we're saying yes to I'm saying yes to now.

00:30:17.010 --> 00:30:22.810
It's like that yes, ain't going nowhere, that's, whatever's out there today will be out there in a couple of months.

00:30:22.810 --> 00:30:26.090
Just hold on, just wait, take care of business, right.

00:30:26.090 --> 00:30:36.076
And so I also think it's important you said it that we can't negate the fact that sometimes it really is an income issue.

00:30:36.076 --> 00:30:44.625
So you really just don't have enough and that's real, so okay, so this is and I have these conversations a lot with people.

00:30:45.086 --> 00:30:52.528
So what do you need to do to make room in your life to have a difference, to have more streams of income?

00:30:52.528 --> 00:31:03.951
Some of that you're gonna have to say no to stuff, not just because of the money but because of the time and so that you can free yourself up to make the money you need to make, that's not to say forever.

00:31:03.991 --> 00:31:11.740
When I first started off in the nonprofit space, I made not hardly any money.

00:31:11.740 --> 00:31:15.630
When taxes were out it was just like, well, this is ridiculous.

00:31:15.630 --> 00:31:16.953
I was literally I was doing that.

00:31:16.953 --> 00:31:29.713
But I also had four other streams of income and those streams of income I took every single opportunity I could to make 50 bucks here, 70 bucks here, $75 here, a hundred bucks here.

00:31:29.713 --> 00:31:32.286
Sometimes it was good, it was 350, right.

00:31:32.286 --> 00:31:36.419
But I took it because I knew where I wanted to be.

00:31:36.419 --> 00:31:38.866
But I also knew I wasn't going to be doing that forever.

00:31:39.367 --> 00:31:44.846
I don't have enough energy in my body to be working five jobs forever.

00:31:44.846 --> 00:31:46.387
Nobody's saying do that.

00:31:46.387 --> 00:31:59.787
But once you get your discipline on track right, then you can put your energy into making more and putting yourself in a position financially where you don't have to keep doing that.

00:31:59.787 --> 00:32:09.976
But if your discipline and your spending habits remain the same while you're making more money, you will always be trying to hustle for more money, and so I think it's just a matter of like.

00:32:09.976 --> 00:32:11.423
I can do anything for a short amount.

00:32:11.423 --> 00:32:13.674
I would tell myself that all the time I can do anything.

00:32:13.674 --> 00:32:14.218
For a season.

00:32:14.218 --> 00:32:20.375
I can do anything for a season because I know that season is going to change, because that was the plan.

00:32:20.375 --> 00:32:21.438
I had a plan for that.

00:32:21.438 --> 00:32:23.465
I didn't.

00:32:23.465 --> 00:32:26.755
I was like I'm not going to keep doing this, so just be encouraged by that.

00:32:27.416 --> 00:32:28.378
If it's an income issue.

00:32:28.398 --> 00:32:48.926
there are ways to to to increase that income, um, while also have I recently I have been sitting down with a friend and once a week we like have accountability meetings where we're like okay, these are the things that we are expecting God to do in this, okay, these are the things that we are expecting God to do in this season and these are the ways that we're going to hold ourselves accountable.

00:32:48.926 --> 00:33:00.867
And so we have, like different areas that we're like working through, and one of those areas is money, and on there I'm like I am expecting to be debt free and this is what I got to do to get there.

00:33:00.867 --> 00:33:06.011
Like this is how much money I need to make to pay off everything that I want to be paid off Right.

00:33:06.011 --> 00:33:23.138
And so, like over the summer, when I I think one when you open yourself up to saying, hey, I'm willing to do the work that it's going to take to get to the place, I see myself getting to Right, and then those opportunities will begin to come right.

00:33:23.138 --> 00:33:29.689
Like you may not already have like in your mind, like, okay, I can go, cause I was telling people I was going to go work at Sephora.

00:33:29.689 --> 00:33:40.936
I love makeup, I love perfume, I was going to go to Sephora, and then it would have caused a problem because my spending habits would have increased along with my income.

00:33:40.936 --> 00:33:42.751
So the Lord did not open that door.

00:33:43.845 --> 00:33:44.929
But I also love motivational speaking.

00:33:44.929 --> 00:33:47.397
I love, you know, teaching workshops.

00:33:47.397 --> 00:33:52.613
All that People started like seeking me out for those things, and my immediate answer was yes.

00:33:52.613 --> 00:33:53.556
Do you want me to?

00:33:53.556 --> 00:33:55.186
You know, jaquita, can you teach this workshop?

00:33:55.186 --> 00:33:57.252
Yes, jaquita, can you come in my classroom?

00:33:57.252 --> 00:34:04.116
Yes, yes, yes, and I'm watching as the amount that I told God that I wanted to make, he has given.

00:34:04.116 --> 00:34:07.893
He is opening the door and providing me with the resources.

00:34:07.893 --> 00:34:15.086
The resources have not looked like, you know, an unexpected check in the mail which those are my favorite kinds of blessings, you know.

00:34:15.086 --> 00:34:16.369
But it has not.

00:34:16.369 --> 00:34:21.711
The answer has not looked like somebody saying, jaquita, I want to put $2,000 in your hand right now.

00:34:21.711 --> 00:34:22.434
This is for your future.

00:34:22.434 --> 00:34:25.793
It has not looked like that, although I love those type of blessings as well.

00:34:25.793 --> 00:34:27.952
It has looked like open doors.

00:34:27.952 --> 00:34:30.012
It has looked like opportunities.

00:34:30.012 --> 00:34:32.393
It has looked like work for pay.

00:34:32.393 --> 00:34:33.706
You know.

00:34:33.706 --> 00:34:48.606
It has looked like take the gifts, take the things that I put inside of you, like the parable of the talents, take the talents that I put in your hand, take what I put in your hand and go sow it into the community and I guarantee you you'll come back with more than what you left with.

00:34:48.606 --> 00:34:58.574
But if you are sitting on something that you should be using and operating in, you are missing your biggest opportunity to go out there and create wealth for yourself.

00:34:58.574 --> 00:34:59.155
Right?

00:34:59.536 --> 00:35:02.711
You know Ruth Abigail plays piano keys.

00:35:02.711 --> 00:35:05.871
You know she doesn't, you know, do it for a living anymore.

00:35:05.871 --> 00:35:07.358
You know, miss those days.

00:35:07.358 --> 00:35:08.965
You know I'm trying to get her to play for my wedding.

00:35:08.965 --> 00:35:10.289
Y'all, y'all, y'all.

00:35:10.289 --> 00:35:11.793
Put it in the comments, put it in the chat.

00:35:11.793 --> 00:35:13.427
Tell her she had to play for me for free.

00:35:13.427 --> 00:35:15.331
Be on my side for a change.

00:35:15.331 --> 00:35:25.126
We don't need, we don't need a rebuttal, thank you, but right, but that's something that she does, right?

00:35:25.126 --> 00:35:26.568
That's a gift that she has that she can use.

00:35:26.568 --> 00:35:27.150
Fyi, I'm single, all right.

00:35:27.150 --> 00:35:27.871
Just want to put that out there.

00:35:27.871 --> 00:35:33.677
I don't know who the band is going to be yet, but I know Ruth Abigail can play keys for my wedding, okay, you?

00:35:33.697 --> 00:35:35.940
know I'm going to be in the wedding or I'm going to play for the wedding.

00:35:35.940 --> 00:35:37.065
I have to say that out loud.

00:35:37.065 --> 00:35:39.228
I told her that she's going to walk down the aisle.

00:35:39.248 --> 00:35:40.891
She'll be the first bridesmaid out.

00:35:40.891 --> 00:35:45.777
She'll walk down the aisle, she'll put her bouquet and a little vase on top of the piano.

00:35:45.777 --> 00:35:46.757
Right.

00:35:46.757 --> 00:35:50.047
That would be set like right next to the other bridesmaids.

00:35:50.047 --> 00:35:58.769
She has no excuse but nevertheless that is a gift that she can use right, that she can operate in to bring in more income.

00:35:59.130 --> 00:36:06.911
If she sits on that gift and tells the Lord I don't want to use it, that door cannot open to become a stream of income.

00:36:06.911 --> 00:36:10.137
What are you sitting on that you're refusing to use?

00:36:10.137 --> 00:36:12.690
That is keeping you from your next level of living.

00:36:12.690 --> 00:36:19.639
If I told the Lord, or if I said to myself I'm not going to speak in public, I don't want to do public speaking.

00:36:19.639 --> 00:36:23.152
As much as I love public speaking, I get super nervous about it.

00:36:23.152 --> 00:36:24.257
It wrecks me up.

00:36:24.257 --> 00:36:29.315
The week before a speaking engagement I am like, oh my gosh, I am nervous Right.

00:36:29.315 --> 00:36:46.143
And if I, if I allow that to stop me from doing what I know I'm called and gifted to do, then I'm also closing the door to my opportunity to grow in my assignment and my purpose and in my prosperity to grow in my assignment and my purpose and in my prosperity.

00:36:55.204 --> 00:36:55.606
Bruh, you did that.

00:36:55.606 --> 00:36:56.108
That right, there is it.

00:36:56.108 --> 00:36:56.572
I could not agree more.

00:36:56.572 --> 00:36:56.932
That's just good.

00:36:56.932 --> 00:36:57.978
I hope y'all need to run that back, just whatever.

00:36:57.978 --> 00:36:59.865
Right, if you got to this point, or rewind it for about two minutes.

00:36:59.865 --> 00:37:06.010
Hear that again, because what she just laid out is truly a.

00:37:06.010 --> 00:37:07.813
That's a hack man.

00:37:07.813 --> 00:37:09.398
That is an income hack.

00:37:09.398 --> 00:37:13.728
Stop looking for people to hand you stuff and work what you have.

00:37:14.148 --> 00:37:15.092
Work what you got.

00:37:15.152 --> 00:37:15.893
Straight up.

00:37:15.893 --> 00:37:18.094
Work what you have, work what you've been sitting on.

00:37:18.094 --> 00:37:20.369
It will come, even if you have to do it for free at first.

00:37:21.070 --> 00:37:24.503
On it will come even if you have to do it for free at first.

00:37:24.503 --> 00:37:26.931
Yeah, motivation is teaching for me.

00:37:27.806 --> 00:37:29.494
I just did a couple of free gigs.

00:37:29.494 --> 00:37:31.952
What you say, you paid for them.

00:37:32.373 --> 00:37:35.413
Yeah, but it's the exposure.

00:37:35.413 --> 00:37:37.150
There's a season of exposure.

00:37:37.150 --> 00:37:39.030
People got to believe you.

00:37:39.030 --> 00:37:45.576
People got to believe you're good, they're not just going to hire you off your name, the name Jaquita didn't get me in the door.

00:37:45.576 --> 00:37:49.775
It was the work ethic that built the name that gets me in the door.

00:37:49.775 --> 00:37:52.269
It was the exposure, right.

00:37:52.429 --> 00:37:57.318
And so when my colleagues and my coworkers asked me to do stuff, I tell you no lie.

00:37:57.525 --> 00:38:03.538
I just, maybe three weeks ago, went and talked to a group of students about building their goals and dreams.

00:38:03.538 --> 00:38:17.650
From that experience came two other opportunities to speak to students, because those students went to their department heads, went to their program leads and said you need to invite Jaquita Ross because she knows how to motivate us.

00:38:17.650 --> 00:38:25.898
And I literally just got an email two days ago that said hey, jaquita, your student from this program you spoke at which, by the way, spoke for free.

00:38:25.898 --> 00:38:36.795
They just told us that we have to have you and they don't even really know me like that, like these people who are calling me now don't have any idea who I am.

00:38:36.795 --> 00:38:46.150
But because I spoke at a program for free for my department, they went and told another department about it and now now doors are opening, but you have to.

00:38:46.150 --> 00:38:49.708
You can't be afraid to go through a door because you're counting pennies.

00:38:49.708 --> 00:38:54.465
Go through that door so that it can open the door that you're really trying to get through.

00:38:55.407 --> 00:38:58.735
Absolutely Amen and amen.

00:38:58.735 --> 00:39:04.014
All right, we're going to pivot to the next piece, because this that was good, we could tell, tell we could do that.

00:39:04.014 --> 00:39:05.056
She got stuck right there.

00:39:05.056 --> 00:39:06.862
That's good, that's good, okay.

00:39:06.862 --> 00:39:15.128
So the next one I think this is number four talking about your money with your partner, so, or with a person who can hold you accountable, right?

00:39:15.128 --> 00:39:22.653
So I, because everybody out here ain't married, everybody ain't in a relationship, um, so let me make a point real quick before.

00:39:22.653 --> 00:39:23.835
I'll go ahead, please.

00:39:24.117 --> 00:39:31.610
Okay, I'm sorry, I know normally you lead us off, but I just want to say this for all my single folks like myself amen, for all my single folks.

00:39:31.809 --> 00:39:42.094
Because I think that we build this romanticized view that when I get to that two income household I'm going to be all right, you know, right.

00:39:42.094 --> 00:40:08.172
Like, oh, when he comes, when that man comes, when that woman comes I don't know if men are thinking like this, but I know I'm thinking like this I know a lot of single women like myself are thinking when that man comes, all right, I am not going to have to be as fiscally responsible, Okay, because that man will come and he will bring another income to the fold and we'll be a two-income household.

00:40:08.172 --> 00:40:14.369
And before, I think this is a great time me as a single person who has had that mindset.

00:40:14.369 --> 00:40:20.894
But now I'm watching as my friends get married and I'm realizing it ain't what I think it's going to be.

00:40:20.894 --> 00:40:36.659
I would love, ruth Abigail, for you to talk to the single young adults, the single young leaders and the single middle adults, kind of about like, was that thought, did that become a reality, or what changed in your perception of that?

00:40:41.731 --> 00:40:49.769
Yeah, so it needs to be understood that I have spent most of my adult life so far single, right Meaning I just got married last year.

00:40:49.769 --> 00:41:06.791
I'm in my mid to late thirties We'll say that so, um I, one of the best things that I could have done for myself is what before, before entering into a marriage, and my husband and I talked about this, we talked about this before we got married.

00:41:06.791 --> 00:41:17.090
We talk about it now is that when we, when you get to a, it is great to be able to, to get to a place where you can start off your partnership, building something together.

00:41:17.931 --> 00:41:19.512
It's very so.

00:41:19.512 --> 00:41:35.036
What I would encourage is the reason you want to get your, get your finances and and it may not you may not be totally out of debt, you may not have everything together, but begin to build good financial habits when you're single.

00:41:35.557 --> 00:41:35.958
For sure.

00:41:36.246 --> 00:41:40.476
Is because you don't want to be digging a hole when you get married, digging yourself out of a hole.

00:41:40.476 --> 00:41:48.978
You want to be able to enjoy the opportunity to build with your partner, and so the two of us have.

00:41:48.978 --> 00:41:55.635
We were blessed enough to, and we're blessed to have good financial habits to where we're able to do that now.

00:41:55.635 --> 00:42:06.398
Now it's been we've both done the stupid in different ways right 100% and in some ways are still paying for that.

00:42:06.398 --> 00:42:09.010
Now, right On both of our ends.

00:42:10.188 --> 00:42:13.016
There are things I do not have as much in my retirement as I like to.

00:42:13.016 --> 00:42:19.375
He's in a different situation because he's military, so some of that stuff is taken care of for him.

00:42:19.375 --> 00:42:20.750
For me that's not the case.

00:42:20.750 --> 00:42:22.331
I wish I'd have been more diligent in that.

00:42:22.331 --> 00:42:26.556
I don't even love the amount of savings that we have.

00:42:26.556 --> 00:42:29.673
We're, it's not, it's not horrible, but it could have been better.

00:42:29.673 --> 00:42:32.132
Right, we need to do stuff around the house.

00:42:32.132 --> 00:42:40.378
It would be nice to not have to hustle for that and to have had some stuff saved up to where it's like, okay, let's's, let's get this done right.

00:42:40.378 --> 00:42:43.585
So now we're still in a really blessed position.

00:42:43.664 --> 00:42:56.306
I'm not I and I'm grateful for that, but again it's because we we paid attention to some stuff before we got together here in the end and I I mean I ain't gonna speak for him, but I'm gonna do it a little bit because he ain't here.

00:42:56.306 --> 00:43:08.554
Um, one of the things that he would tell me is like he actually appreciates the fact that I wasn't looking for him to get me out of something as a woman.

00:43:09.054 --> 00:43:09.476
Yeah.

00:43:09.496 --> 00:43:10.257
Reality Right.

00:43:10.945 --> 00:43:12.994
So, like that was a plus.

00:43:12.994 --> 00:43:17.496
It was like and, and, as a woman, I don't need him to provide for me.

00:43:17.496 --> 00:43:21.027
Um, it's not a need, it is a.

00:43:21.027 --> 00:43:21.710
It is.

00:43:21.710 --> 00:43:30.773
It is a privilege to be able to do this together and you want to go into a partnership, with that being a privilege to build?

00:43:30.773 --> 00:43:33.139
Not, I need you because I'm in trouble.

00:43:33.139 --> 00:43:37.472
So it's just a different mindset and it's a good one.

00:43:37.472 --> 00:43:38.894
I'm grateful for it.

00:43:38.894 --> 00:43:42.510
But let me say it ain't easy, and we've had to.

00:43:42.510 --> 00:43:55.152
There are some conversations that we probably should have had before we got married, that we didn't right, that we have now, um, and it's, and it's like, oh, shoot, Like, oh, okay, you, oh, you, oh, that's how you.

00:43:55.152 --> 00:43:56.315
Oh, okay, that's interesting.

00:43:56.315 --> 00:43:58.347
Okay, all right, well, what if we all right?

00:43:58.347 --> 00:43:59.068
So what do we?

00:43:59.068 --> 00:44:10.177
We're both very independent people, and so bringing our finances together and thinking about them together is can be a challenge, right?

00:44:10.257 --> 00:44:17.865
So I think that's something that is is part of the issue with talking about it is talking about your money as one, not as two.

00:44:17.865 --> 00:44:20.371
That's hard when you've been living most of your life as one, not as two.

00:44:20.371 --> 00:44:25.083
That's hard when you've been living most of your life as one.

00:44:25.083 --> 00:44:27.849
I mean as one person, right, or as two different people.

00:44:27.849 --> 00:44:34.851
So I would say like those things, but it takes time, but the operative word there is talk.

00:44:34.851 --> 00:44:38.398
You have to talk, you have to bring it up.

00:44:38.905 --> 00:44:42.494
It has to be, it will be awkward, it's going to be uncomfortable.

00:44:42.494 --> 00:44:44.688
Operative word is talk.

00:44:44.688 --> 00:44:54.197
You have to talk, you have to actually communicate with the person you're in a relationship with, and that communication is going to be different before and after you get married.

00:44:54.197 --> 00:45:01.695
We don't have to get into that, because I definitely know that there are some partnerships that put their finances together without the marriage part, which is totally up to you.

00:45:01.695 --> 00:45:02.586
That's a personal decision.

00:45:02.586 --> 00:45:07.166
I suggest waiting until you're married to totally intertwine that.

00:45:07.166 --> 00:45:10.132
Um, because there are.

00:45:10.371 --> 00:45:19.217
There are just implications, uh, before and after marriage, legally, that are going to matter when it comes to your money, but that's neither here nor there.

00:45:19.217 --> 00:45:20.206
Do what you want to do.

00:45:20.206 --> 00:45:35.554
The point is you have to talk to your partner, right, you have to communicate, you have to talk about that stuff, and what you're also going to realize is when you do get in a relationship, there are going to be things about their habits that you will find out that they didn't tell you about.

00:45:35.554 --> 00:45:36.717
That's real.

00:45:36.717 --> 00:45:40.447
So you have to learn how to move with that and they might be, different than yours.

00:45:40.467 --> 00:45:41.309
You have to learn how to move with it.

00:45:41.309 --> 00:45:44.536
So communication is going to be really key in that, Although I do understand it's weird.

00:45:44.536 --> 00:45:53.865
It's weird it is.

00:45:53.865 --> 00:46:05.726
It is a weird conversation, especially in the sense of like this mindset from two people to one person is going to take talking Right Um and so keep it open, keep your, keep the lines of communication open and don't don't hold it to yourself, All right.

00:46:05.726 --> 00:46:07.994
So, quinn, did you want to say anything else about that?

00:46:09.204 --> 00:46:10.005
No, I think.

00:46:10.005 --> 00:46:15.170
I think it all just also speaks towards, like you know, like the work that I'm doing now.

00:46:15.170 --> 00:46:32.313
I'm doing it with some of that in mind that, like you know, I am going to, when I get presented to my husband in the near future, this year, amen, you know, like I need to, I need to be number one aware of, like my spending habits and ready to communicate that.

00:46:32.313 --> 00:46:35.344
But also I'm trying to present a complete package out here.

00:46:35.344 --> 00:46:37.045
You know, like, nah, baby you, I'm going to come up.

00:46:37.045 --> 00:46:37.726
I am not, I'm not a burden, I'm not.

00:46:37.746 --> 00:46:39.846
Oh, I'm going to have to take on all this day.

00:46:39.846 --> 00:46:40.505
I'm going to come up.

00:46:40.505 --> 00:46:43.387
I am not, I'm not a burden, I'm not, oh, I'm going to have to take on all this day.

00:46:43.387 --> 00:46:44.507
I'm going to take on all her stuff.

00:46:44.507 --> 00:47:03.302
Nah, I've worked through my stuff, I have some stuff saved up, I have some plans, I have things that will bring something to the table and I think that that's that's significant and important yeah, it is because you're partners, and that's important partners are able to pull each other.

00:47:03.791 --> 00:47:04.793
You're not, don't?

00:47:04.793 --> 00:47:06.278
You know, and you know it's not a.

00:47:08.184 --> 00:47:13.505
I was gonna say we, in the age of the sugar mama and the sugar daddy, ain't nobody, ain't nobody trying to give you.

00:47:13.505 --> 00:47:25.824
If you want a partner, if you want somebody that you can walk in life with and build with, it's nobody carrying the other is we both got each other yeah, yeah, we got each other.

00:47:25.903 --> 00:47:26.992
So, yeah, that's.

00:47:26.992 --> 00:47:29.275
That's just a mentality I think is really healthy to have.

00:47:29.275 --> 00:47:37.621
So the the next one is accepting responsibility for your financial situation and starting to change it.

00:47:37.621 --> 00:47:39.552
All right, so that's real.

00:47:39.552 --> 00:47:40.775
That's real.

00:47:40.775 --> 00:47:41.335
Accept.

00:47:41.335 --> 00:47:43.340
Accept the responsibility for where you are.

00:47:43.340 --> 00:47:46.255
It's okay, we've all been where you are.

00:47:46.255 --> 00:47:48.574
Yeah, okay, we've all been there.

00:47:48.574 --> 00:47:54.802
Yeah, and now we have to say okay, and it's not a blame game.

00:47:54.802 --> 00:47:57.858
Well, they didn't teach me, or I didn't grow up.

00:47:57.858 --> 00:48:08.800
Like, yeah, it's not, it's not, that's not helpful you have to take take responsibility, accept it and move forward Right.

00:48:09.141 --> 00:48:17.637
Yeah, and I also think, like when we say talk about accept responsibility, that is also being real with yourself, about your real situation.

00:48:17.637 --> 00:48:19.094
It is not you have to.

00:48:19.094 --> 00:48:20.681
You have to be able to look at your situation and say I am not okay.

00:48:20.681 --> 00:48:22.829
There are times, especially in my twenties, that I able to look at your situation and say I am not okay.

00:48:22.829 --> 00:48:31.465
There are times, especially in my 20s, that I had to take a step back and be like, yeah, this financial situation is not okay, I am not okay.

00:48:31.465 --> 00:48:39.115
There are some times, even in my 30s, mid 30s, that I had to take a step back and say, yeah, I'm not okay, this is not okay.

00:48:39.115 --> 00:48:41.574
I got to make a change, right.

00:48:41.574 --> 00:48:49.916
But you have to take a look at yourself and say have I made myself feel like it was okay because I started using credit cards?

00:48:49.916 --> 00:48:54.619
Have I made myself feel like it was okay because I had a loan here or there?

00:48:55.090 --> 00:49:02.422
I made some financial decisions that helped me to get by, but they have left me having dug a deeper hole, right.

00:49:02.422 --> 00:49:07.978
And so you have to be able to look at yourself and say, okay, where I am right now is not where I want to be.

00:49:07.978 --> 00:49:10.311
I take responsibility for that.

00:49:10.311 --> 00:49:13.838
It was my decisions, it was my choices, it was my blah, blah, blah.

00:49:13.838 --> 00:49:20.983
And then don't get stuck in a pit of despair about it, don't allow the shame and guilt of it to keep you stuck there.

00:49:20.983 --> 00:49:26.442
Start immediately thinking okay, what's the plan for how I'm going to dig myself out of this?

00:49:26.442 --> 00:49:28.777
What's the plan, how am I going to get out of this?

00:49:28.777 --> 00:49:33.889
And the moment you open yourself up to the how, the answers will come.

00:49:33.969 --> 00:49:46.704
That's good Queda and the plan, and I think this is important Like you don't have to reinvent the wheel, like there are multiple experts out there trying to help you through this situation.

00:49:46.704 --> 00:49:51.581
My personal, the one who helped me the most is Dave Ramsey.

00:49:51.581 --> 00:49:58.724
Dave Ramsey has a proven plan to get you to a place financially where you can move forward.

00:49:58.724 --> 00:50:01.856
I know folks got a lot of feelings about Dave.

00:50:01.856 --> 00:50:02.637
I get it.

00:50:03.340 --> 00:50:04.222
I get it, I get it.

00:50:05.889 --> 00:50:06.411
I really do.

00:50:06.411 --> 00:50:10.278
I don't even 100% follow everything.

00:50:10.278 --> 00:50:18.112
I probably do it about 85%, but there's that 50% that I'm like, yeah, I'm going to go this way, but that's okay, because he's got a plan.

00:50:18.112 --> 00:50:19.577
There's a real plan.

00:50:19.577 --> 00:50:22.737
It's seven baby steps towards wealth.

00:50:22.737 --> 00:50:32.625
This stuff he's been doing for decades and it's work Including for me.

00:50:32.625 --> 00:50:35.003
It's a middle adult, call I gotta get a little water, I don't know what.

00:50:36.072 --> 00:50:36.996
That's that middle adult.

00:50:36.996 --> 00:50:37.798
Don't try to worry about that.

00:50:37.798 --> 00:50:41.597
And if it's not Dave Ramsey for you, it might be someone else.

00:50:41.597 --> 00:50:45.280
As much as we are listening, we're on social media.

00:50:45.280 --> 00:50:50.342
I'm in a phase of my life where I'm like yo, there's stuff that I do that I have made a habit.

00:50:50.342 --> 00:50:51.615
Let's make it a productive habit.

00:50:51.615 --> 00:50:56.393
If I'm going to be on Instagram all day, let me go look at some people who are going to feed something into my life.

00:50:56.393 --> 00:50:59.996
Right, let me follow people who have something you.

00:50:59.996 --> 00:51:04.139
Motivational, who can inspiration, people who can help me believe differently.

00:51:04.139 --> 00:51:09.523
Motivational people who can help me behave and act differently, help me move differently.

00:51:09.523 --> 00:51:21.565
Right, make sure you're following people on these Instagram, facebook, snapchat, twitter, youtube all these platforms who are both inspiring and motivating you to be better.

00:51:21.565 --> 00:51:23.777
Right, for Ruth, it was Dave Ramsey.

00:51:23.777 --> 00:51:27.474
For you it could be somebody else, but find you your people.

00:51:27.474 --> 00:51:28.737
They're not hard to find.

00:51:28.797 --> 00:51:30.161
They're not hard to find, man they out here.

00:51:30.161 --> 00:51:33.960
So here's a couple that I've done the Dave Ramsey route.

00:51:33.960 --> 00:51:35.476
I've literally gone through that program.

00:51:35.476 --> 00:51:37.217
But there's a couple others that I like, right.

00:51:37.217 --> 00:51:38.838
So there's a guy who knows.

00:51:38.838 --> 00:51:40.980
There's a guy who know, um, it's, there's a book he has.

00:51:40.980 --> 00:51:42.079
I will teach you to be rich.

00:51:42.079 --> 00:51:50.385
He also has a Netflix series, okay, where he is basically talking to people from all walks of life and walking them through a process of how do you get to your rich life.

00:51:50.965 --> 00:51:56.472
I'm gonna butcher his name, but I believe it's Ramit Sethi.

00:51:56.472 --> 00:52:03.860
I can't R A-E-T-H-I, all right, so that's him.

00:52:03.860 --> 00:52:05.862
He's really, really, really good.

00:52:05.862 --> 00:52:07.503
So I really like him.

00:52:07.503 --> 00:52:09.284
I like the way he approaches it.

00:52:09.284 --> 00:52:11.206
It's different, right.

00:52:11.206 --> 00:52:17.260
It kind of gives a little bit more freedom For those of you that aren't as rigid in your thinking this guy might be for you.

00:52:17.260 --> 00:52:21.161
He helped you start off with your dream and then work your way back.

00:52:21.161 --> 00:52:23.157
I like that, right, I really like that.

00:52:24.030 --> 00:52:26.639
The other group that I really like that.

00:52:26.639 --> 00:52:36.309
They're going to be more like financial education, investment kind of stuff, and they they're, they're kind of your all around financial education.

00:52:36.309 --> 00:52:38.518
People earn your leisure.

00:52:38.518 --> 00:52:50.275
Three, two black guys, three black guys, two in particular, and they, man, um, they man, they, they.

00:52:50.275 --> 00:52:58.800
They are a phenomenal duo, sometimes trio, of people who really know how to speak to the culture, our current culture around finances, and I would really.

00:52:58.820 --> 00:53:01.130
They have a podcast, they've got a youtube channel.

00:53:01.130 --> 00:53:02.112
They got resources.

00:53:02.112 --> 00:53:04.038
Earn your leisureL.

00:53:04.038 --> 00:53:04.639
Look them up.

00:53:04.639 --> 00:53:05.282
They're great.

00:53:05.282 --> 00:53:13.735
So those are just some tools and some resources that you can find that are out there, and they're out there and y'all it's free.

00:53:13.735 --> 00:53:17.199
It's free Like you don't have to pay anything for it.

00:53:17.199 --> 00:53:21.715
They got stuff you can pay for, but you don't have to in order to get that.

00:53:21.715 --> 00:53:28.146
So, once you accept your financial situation and start to change it, these are ways you can start to change.

00:53:28.146 --> 00:53:39.398
It is to just start to get the information, download their podcasts all of them have podcasts download and just at least start listening to it.

00:53:39.398 --> 00:53:42.630
You might gain something just from an episode that you can implement right now.

00:53:42.630 --> 00:53:46.614
But you first have to get to the place where you're like, yeah, I need to do better.

00:53:46.614 --> 00:53:49.297
I messed up, let me pivot.

00:53:49.697 --> 00:53:54.382
Yeah, I'd also like to say find some accountability.

00:53:54.382 --> 00:53:58.246
Like be real with yourself and then be real with somebody else.

00:53:58.246 --> 00:54:07.461
Like don't try to hide it, because the things that you hide you're not going to have the people in your life that can help hold you to it.

00:54:07.461 --> 00:54:11.014
Because things that you know I'm not as disciplined with finances as Ruth.

00:54:11.014 --> 00:54:13.661
Abigail is Right, and it is, you know.

00:54:13.661 --> 00:54:34.398
I could live a life where I'm like I need to hide what's going on with my finances from Ruth because I don't want her to know, because I know she's going to hold me accountable, right, but I try to be as transparent as possible and say, hey, here's where I am right now, so that I have people who are on the outside looking in, who can point to me, point me to the different resources and things that they're using.

00:54:34.398 --> 00:54:44.340
So don't, you know, find trusted people in your life that you can be 100% real with and who can help to hold you accountable to the goals that you're setting for yourself.

00:54:47.431 --> 00:54:47.731
All right.

00:54:47.731 --> 00:54:55.177
So the next one is learning to make rational money decisions rather than emotional ones.

00:54:55.952 --> 00:55:00.418
I would like to say I think that this entire statement is a target against our friendship.

00:55:00.418 --> 00:55:07.471
I think that it is positioning rational above emotional, and I don't like it, you know.

00:55:07.471 --> 00:55:15.637
I just want to say that that, just because we have to get more rational, logical and I don't like to say I'm emotional I make decisions that are value based.

00:55:15.637 --> 00:55:20.577
Okay, thank you very much, and emotions aren't bad anyway.

00:55:20.577 --> 00:55:23.677
Okay, I just don't like the way they worded that.

00:55:23.677 --> 00:55:24.719
That's all I'm saying.

00:55:24.719 --> 00:55:28.811
Nevertheless, I persist Still.

00:55:28.811 --> 00:55:29.335
I rise.

00:55:29.690 --> 00:55:30.813
I'm glad you got that off your chest.

00:55:30.813 --> 00:55:34.235
Thank you, okay, I'm glad you got that off your chest.

00:55:34.235 --> 00:55:35.039
That is fine.

00:55:35.039 --> 00:55:38.380
I don't think emotion has to be bad.

00:55:38.380 --> 00:55:47.818
So I think an interesting example right and they kind of touch on it in the in the article um is is talking about investment, all right.

00:55:47.898 --> 00:56:01.434
So one of the things if you're invested in the stock market like I have money in the market and um, I you know you have a, you have all these portfolios and stuff like that Okay, which you can go, I have mine, I use fidelity.

00:56:01.434 --> 00:56:02.918
It's the simplest thing in the world.

00:56:02.918 --> 00:56:08.742
It basically is it takes you through these baby steps to get you into the market, right.

00:56:08.742 --> 00:56:19.719
And investment, I don't really know much about it, but one thing I do know is that the best thing to do is to let it sit.

00:56:19.719 --> 00:56:24.793
You don't want your invest, you don't want to change just because something goes down.

00:56:24.793 --> 00:56:31.817
So you're going to see these lines, right, green goes up, red goes down for how much you have, right then.

00:56:31.817 --> 00:56:37.293
But you don't make these types of investments in the market for a payout in a year.

00:56:37.293 --> 00:56:38.954
That's not what this is for.

00:56:39.255 --> 00:56:51.391
This is 10, 15, 20 years, and so I think when it's making this statement, like when I read it, I kind of hear okay, don't be discouraged, because you're seeing that red line go down.

00:56:51.391 --> 00:56:52.054
It's like whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:56:52.054 --> 00:56:53.699
Oh, I got to take it out, oh, I got to, I got to.

00:56:53.699 --> 00:56:54.570
I'm losing it.

00:56:54.570 --> 00:57:01.719
Like no, hold on, no, because the market goes through seasons Like our life it goes through seasons.

00:57:01.778 --> 00:57:11.340
It's like you're going to let it roll, let it ride let it go through what it's got to go through, and so I don't what I think like in that regard.

00:57:11.340 --> 00:57:28.503
You can't let your emotions that of being fear or anxiety, right, make you do something too soon because you're not going to reap the benefits of your money being in the market in a short term.

00:57:28.503 --> 00:57:29.244
That's not.

00:57:29.244 --> 00:57:36.313
Most of us don't do that unless you're trading, doing short-term trades and all that stuff, and you're doing day trading and all that.

00:57:36.313 --> 00:57:37.739
That's a whole profession.

00:57:37.739 --> 00:57:40.891
If you want to get into that, that's fine, but most of us aren't going to get into that.

00:57:40.972 --> 00:57:43.601
Most of us are putting in for long-term investments, so let it stay there.

00:57:43.601 --> 00:57:46.043
So I think that's kind of what I'm reading from there.

00:57:46.530 --> 00:57:47.896
I mean, yeah, I get all that.

00:57:47.896 --> 00:57:55.659
I was just saying I get tired of people coming down on emotions and that's why we don't take the time to understand emotions like we need to.

00:57:55.659 --> 00:57:58.038
But we'll do that on another episode.

00:58:04.989 --> 00:58:05.311
We, we will.

00:58:05.311 --> 00:58:07.079
We will because, well, because money isn't emotional, and I think that's the thing.

00:58:07.079 --> 00:58:09.268
Like, money's not emotional, like we said earlier, money don't have feelings, they don't care about you.

00:58:09.268 --> 00:58:23.326
You're emotional and I'm emotional, but money is not, and so if we treat it like it is, we're gonna, we're gonna lose that fight because it has no feelings, and so, anyway, we I see queen about to be mad at me so we're gonna move on.

00:58:23.346 --> 00:58:28.115
Okay, so um all right, so here's the last one.

00:58:28.115 --> 00:58:29.358
Right, all right, so the last one.

00:58:29.358 --> 00:58:38.239
We're moving on, we're good, so here's the last one starting to save and plan for later in life.

00:58:38.239 --> 00:58:45.269
Starting to save and plan for later in life is um is one of the most challenging things to do, quina.

00:58:45.269 --> 00:58:46.233
Why do you think that's challenging?

00:58:48.117 --> 00:59:01.215
Because there are right now needs and you're always operating in the urgency of the now versus thinking about the needs of tomorrow, and so a lot of times, we're not focusing.

00:59:01.215 --> 00:59:05.291
We not focusing our, we're not building for our life that we're going to see.

00:59:05.291 --> 00:59:13.391
We're always thinking about what we're experiencing right now and so, like how you said earlier, like you know you can do anything for a season because you know the season will change.

00:59:13.391 --> 00:59:20.318
Well, sometimes, especially when you feel like you don't have enough money, you never feel like that season's going to change.

00:59:20.318 --> 00:59:28.731
So you build mindsets and habits that are based off of the season you're in right now instead of the season that you're trying to get to right.

00:59:28.731 --> 00:59:33.061
If we knew what was coming, we would prepare better today for what was coming.

00:59:34.070 --> 00:59:36.780
But because we don't know, we operate off of what we know.

00:59:36.780 --> 00:59:41.177
We operate out of off of the lifestyle that we know, off of the situations and the circumstances that we know.

00:59:41.177 --> 00:59:44.186
We operate off of the lifestyle that we know, off of the situations and the circumstances that we know.

00:59:44.186 --> 00:59:46.257
We operate off of what we know.

00:59:46.257 --> 00:59:53.340
Saving is saying I'm putting something aside for a life that I don't know anything about yet.

00:59:57.072 --> 00:59:58.056
Yeah, that's good.

00:59:58.056 --> 01:00:01.929
And so, yeah, that's good.

01:00:01.929 --> 01:00:24.050
I think that we we're I mean we're we're in a I guess a season, at least in america right, where a lot of the talk around building generational wealth like that's kind of one of the the top priorities of doing well with your money, it's like like I want to build generational wealth.

01:00:24.050 --> 01:00:25.795
Well, that's a later in life thing.

01:00:25.795 --> 01:00:31.195
Also, generational implies not you but the next right, so that's another whole thing.

01:00:31.195 --> 01:00:32.539
We got to shift our mindset on that.

01:00:32.539 --> 01:00:35.795
But what's interesting is most of us don't come from that.

01:00:35.795 --> 01:00:38.141
Most of us do not come from wealth.

01:00:38.141 --> 01:01:09.885
So, to your point, the challenge of saving for something that we've never experienced, but not that we've never experienced, but others in our family have never experienced, so we don't have any kind of reference point for what that means, and so I think that is it is a real challenge, and so some of that is just going to have to be just moving and doing what other people suggest or advise, who are in that space, even though you don't understand it.

01:01:10.429 --> 01:01:16.376
And even though other people around you, particularly in your family, may not be doing it Like, you just have to do it.

01:01:16.376 --> 01:01:26.070
You may not know what it's going to turn out to be, you may not understand what that ultimately means turn out to be.

01:01:26.070 --> 01:01:30.204
You may not understand what that ultimately means, but these people that I see out in the world are saying hey, if you want to get here, this is what you need to do.

01:01:30.204 --> 01:01:34.702
If you want to get here, you need to set aside $200 a month and put it in a um.

01:01:34.702 --> 01:01:43.603
Um, put it in an interest bearing account so that in 2025 years, you'll have the million, $2 million that you want in that account.

01:01:43.603 --> 01:01:44.329
Right, like?

01:01:44.329 --> 01:01:45.331
There are numbers.

01:01:45.331 --> 01:01:59.867
There are real numbers that people have calculated to say, when you put this in this account, put $200 in this account, starting at the age of 30, at the age of 55, you'll have X amount of dollars that's a real number.

01:01:59.867 --> 01:02:01.452
Like that's not theoretical.

01:02:01.452 --> 01:02:02.532
X amount of dollars that's a real number.

01:02:02.532 --> 01:02:03.454
Like that's not theoretical.

01:02:03.454 --> 01:02:04.835
And so that that is.

01:02:05.177 --> 01:02:07.940
Those are just some things that we have to just do.

01:02:07.940 --> 01:02:17.231
I know sometimes we're in this age of um information.

01:02:17.231 --> 01:02:20.153
We want to know stuff, we want to understand stuff, we want to have reasons behind stuff.

01:02:20.153 --> 01:02:22.617
I want you to explain some things, some things we just can't wait to fully grasp.

01:02:22.617 --> 01:02:44.711
Just do it, because one of the things I think of with money wealth comes with time, and the more time you use trying to figure things out on your own and just wait on doing things that actually are proven to work, you're losing the time that the money has to grow.

01:02:44.711 --> 01:02:53.172
So you want to be in a position to where your money is growing, even when you don't quite understand what's happening.

01:02:53.172 --> 01:02:56.177
Just put it in there, just do it.

01:02:56.840 --> 01:03:03.311
And so I like what you said, like you're planning for something, for a life that you can't see yet.

01:03:03.311 --> 01:03:10.184
But then there's also the reality that we have examples of that life live that we see.

01:03:10.184 --> 01:03:13.938
It may not be our life, it may not be directly connected to us, but we see it.

01:03:14.360 --> 01:03:17.074
You see the 50, 60 year old.

01:03:17.094 --> 01:03:19.920
you know, you, you, you see.

01:03:19.920 --> 01:03:36.762
Now I'm going to say this statement knowing that this isn't the case for everybody, right, cause you do have some folks who are in their sixties, seventies, who are working you know jobs at a store or something, cause they're like I just need something to do, like I can't be out here just sitting at home chilling, like I need to work.

01:03:36.762 --> 01:03:41.117
But then you have people who are 60 and 70 years old who have to work.

01:03:41.117 --> 01:03:57.253
This is not an option, right, and part of that, for whatever reason it may have been something outside of their control, in their control is because they don't have enough to live on, right, they don't have enough to live on when you get to that age.

01:03:57.253 --> 01:04:01.501
And so there's just a reality to you.

01:04:01.501 --> 01:04:06.570
You need to be thinking do I want to have to work when I'm 70?

01:04:07.514 --> 01:04:23.958
because if you don't want to have to work when you're 70, you have to start that process today yeah right, I mean, that's just real, real talk, real talk, and I think that you know, I think that there are a lot of people who we used.

01:04:24.070 --> 01:04:46.552
You said something about like the numbers being real, that like if you put this amount of money into you know an interest bearing account, you know then there are real numbers, that200 you're putting into that account more real to you than the number that it can bear.

01:04:46.612 --> 01:05:10.547
If you could stay consistent, because a lot of times, like as we're living, like you know, the 1 million I can have at the end is less real than the $200 I may need because the car broke down, or the $200 I may need because I don't have any food in the house, right, and so like the numbers are real, but like our commitment to the future is not as real as our commitment to the present.

01:05:10.909 --> 01:05:22.820
And I think that that's something that we have to unlearn and if we want to get to the reality of the future that we're working towards, we got to believe in that 1 million just as much as we believe in the 200.

01:05:22.820 --> 01:05:26.016
Towards, we got to believe in that 1 million just as much as we believe in the 200.

01:05:26.016 --> 01:05:35.242
And we're used to believing in small but we're not used to believing in the large that's in front of us, and so dream bigger and allow your dreams to become reality even before we get here.

01:05:35.242 --> 01:05:47.608
That $1 million has to be a reality to you before it's sitting in your account a reality to you before it's sitting in your account.

01:05:47.628 --> 01:06:06.059
That's right, that's it, and I'm over here looking because I was like there's another guy, anthony O'Neill, who is a great resource for this kind of conversation, and I was looking because I know I had seen some statistics that this is one.

01:06:06.059 --> 01:06:11.213
This is one of his recent posts right, um, he says how to make 1.2 million in your sleep.

01:06:11.213 --> 01:06:15.001
Right, open an IRA, which is what I have, um.

01:06:15.001 --> 01:06:21.376
And then he says contribute $541 a month, that's 6,500 per year.

01:06:21.376 --> 01:06:30.456
Your money will grow, and in 30 years, you'll have $1.2 million.

01:06:30.456 --> 01:06:43.923
So, if you're in your thirties, if you're 30 years old today and you do that, you will have 1.2 million in your bank account or in your investment account by the time you're 60.

01:06:44.304 --> 01:06:50.396
Here's the beautiful thing, though and this is what I like about that, because, quido, you hit on it you won't always be in the financial situation you are today.

01:06:50.396 --> 01:07:00.715
If you build these habits, do these principles, if you continue to grow and continue to evolve as the person that you uniquely called to be, your finances won't.

01:07:00.715 --> 01:07:03.510
Your finances won't won't look the same.

01:07:03.510 --> 01:07:09.340
Right, so that $561 in three years could be $1,500.

01:07:09.340 --> 01:07:20.530
And the more money you put into it, the more money that it will grow, right, so, just knowing that that's not the only account cause that has an actual limit to it, but there are other accounts that don't have limits to it, that you can.

01:07:20.711 --> 01:07:32.498
You can put more money into it Again, whether it's a money market account, whether in the stock market, whether that is other investment packages I don't, this is not my world.

01:07:32.498 --> 01:07:34.197
So look that up.

01:07:34.197 --> 01:07:35.795
Earn your Leisure is a great resource for that.

01:07:35.795 --> 01:07:45.284
They'll explain all that stuff to you, but you know, you want to know, like, hey, I have an expectation that my financial situation won't be what it is today.

01:07:45.284 --> 01:08:04.485
But so I'm going to dream and believe in what I see, believe in the vision I see for my life, and start acting on that reality today and watch as you begin to change the way you move.

01:08:04.485 --> 01:08:11.557
The money will begin to be different I love it I've seen, literally like I've seen it.

01:08:12.298 --> 01:08:16.305
Um so okay, man, that was fun.

01:08:17.271 --> 01:08:18.173
We made it through.

01:08:18.173 --> 01:08:20.878
Man, I was nervous, but that was actually really good.

01:08:20.878 --> 01:08:24.943
That was really good it was good.

01:08:26.113 --> 01:08:27.358
I learned a lot myself.

01:08:27.358 --> 01:08:34.917
I'm trying to be out in these streets chilling at 55 on a yacht what?

01:08:34.936 --> 01:08:44.639
you talking I'm trying to take all the trips, I'm trying to be out here, I'm trying to be in these relaxing streets.

01:08:44.639 --> 01:08:47.756
Okay, and we're going to make it, ruth, we're going to make it.

01:08:49.421 --> 01:08:51.376
Oh, I ain't got no doubt, I know it.

01:08:51.376 --> 01:08:52.439
We, we on our way.

01:08:52.439 --> 01:08:57.238
All right, man, so this is good.

01:08:57.238 --> 01:08:58.121
So I hope y'all got.

01:08:58.121 --> 01:09:01.211
I really hope that you got that the again.

01:09:01.211 --> 01:09:20.266
The article that we were kind of pulling from was from the business insider the seven hardest things you'll have to do with your money, and so if you can start to work through those things now, you, you, when you get to your middle adult years, this, this, the conversation will be different it'll be different.

01:09:20.386 --> 01:09:26.136
It can be different than it is right now, and just know, that like but you have to begin to unlearn this stuff today.

01:09:26.136 --> 01:09:29.926
Um, don't wait, just don't wait, like.

01:09:29.926 --> 01:09:35.159
Start changing your mind today about your money, all right, so that's it, man.

01:09:35.159 --> 01:09:39.314
That's it, that was good man, that was good done.

01:09:39.314 --> 01:09:41.600
Cool, cool, cool.

01:09:41.600 --> 01:09:46.051
So, uh, oh yeah, wait, wait, all right, I'm supposed to like subscribe, share.

01:09:46.212 --> 01:09:51.649
That's what we're supposed to do like, subscribe, share with y'all, give this information.

01:09:51.649 --> 01:09:55.216
These are some hard fought wins.

01:09:55.216 --> 01:09:58.221
We giving y'all this advice did not come easy.

01:09:58.221 --> 01:10:00.351
All right, do not keep it to yourself.

01:10:00.351 --> 01:10:02.016
Make sure you share it with someone else.

01:10:02.016 --> 01:10:11.626
Make sure you like this podcast so that other people can see it, and make sure you subscribe so that you can stay in contact and in touch with what we're doing here.

01:10:11.626 --> 01:10:18.270
We are just two middle adults trying to get you to the future that we know you deserve, so don't, don't, don't, don't, don't.

01:10:18.270 --> 01:10:19.033
Keep it to yourself.

01:10:19.033 --> 01:10:20.716
Like, share, subscribe.

01:10:23.061 --> 01:10:23.582
That's right.

01:10:23.582 --> 01:10:30.399
So let's keep unlearning together so that we can experience more freedom, and we will see y'all next time Peace.

01:10:30.399 --> 01:10:37.597
Thank you once again for listening to the Unlearned Podcast.

01:10:37.597 --> 01:10:41.778
We would love to hear your comments and your feedback about the episode.

01:10:41.778 --> 01:10:48.519
Feel free to follow us on Facebook and Instagram and to let us know what you think.

01:10:48.519 --> 01:10:54.876
We're looking forward to the next time when we are able to unlearn together to move forward towards freedom.

01:10:54.876 --> 01:10:55.798
See you then.