Talks With Middle Adults: Unlocking Personal Growth Through DISC Assessments, Adapting to New Roles, and Embracing Authentic Leadership

Transcript

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let's go.

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What's up everybody?

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It's uh, wait a minute, I'll jack that up.

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Hold on.

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What's my intro.

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What's up everybody, and welcome once again to the alert podcast.

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Yeah, that's right, I'm your host, ruth abigail aka ra what's up, friends?

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it's your girl, jaquita yo, and this is indeed the podcast that is helping you to gain the courage to change your mind so that you, yes, you, yes, you experience just hallelujah.

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Yes, lord, freedom.

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All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right.

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So we're in a series, we're talking about unlearning personality, we're using different assessments to talk about this particular topic.

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So far, well, dang Ruth, no check in, I'm jumping in.

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You know what I'm saying.

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I feel like we, okay, all right, the water.

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If the water is stirring, you know what I'm saying.

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If the water is stirring, we're going to get there.

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You know what I'm saying.

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In the water, we were going to get there.

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You know what I'm saying.

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We were going to get to the check in, but I was just trying to, like you know, recap, set them up.

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Go ahead and set them up, recap.

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So we unlearned about personalities, and so this week we'll talk about a particular assessment that a lot of you may have taken maybe have not, but before we get there, how are you, jaquita?

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I'm doing fantastic.

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Thank you for asking.

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It's been, you know, a good week, but definitely, you know, these personality conversations have been coming in handy because starting a new job, oh yeah, and being at this middle adult age, let me tell y'all something starting a new job at 37, almost 38, is way different than when I was in my 20s, that's fair, you know.

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First of all, all that excitement and rah, rah, rah, it's like, hey, what do I need to do?

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Let me tell you something.

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Let me tell you something.

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Hello, friends, people that I work with, I don't need no family.

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Let me get in.

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Let me get in and get a job done and get home okay, you know, not a family, we ain't gotta do all that listen, listen, listen, listen.

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But you know what my new workplace is so much quieter than my last one.

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Anyway, like everybody, and I went from working in a space where there was a lot of young adults and three middle adults and now it's a few middle adults and grown, grown folk.

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Like they, grown, grown, like some of them like hey, about to retire in a few years.

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You know, I started meeting with all of the directors because I'm a director in this space.

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I was meeting with all the other directors and it was like was like yeah, close to retirement, thank you, man.

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And I'm like I have arrived, conversations have changed, and so knowing my personality and where I sit on all these assessments has been really helpful, because I can tell you exactly who I am.

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Well, listen, it ain't going to do that.

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Well, it ain't gonna take two years to learn me here.

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Here it is, here I go, I know that's right, like for real yeah um all right.

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How have you been, ruth?

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I've been good.

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You know I'm saying um, I've been good, I I have my tea on this, this particular come on here recording so we got a little tea.

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On one of the recordings we uh, I didn't have my tea and you got to listen to it to know why.

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But um, now I do and I feel better.

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Immediately I think I've taken four sips.

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I thought that's not good.

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You know, I'm saying like that's not good.

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I should be able to just be who I need to be with with a drink of water and some.

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You know well, you know good rest, but not so, not so.

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Let me tell you something I told.

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I told the people I'm about to be a coffee drinker, like I'm.

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I say, yeah, I'm about to, I'm about to start a coffee habit, like I'm about to start a habit.

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Because, listen, listen, it's getting harder and harder to know live without the things.

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And somebody was like ask me.

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They was like so wait, you don't, you have no caffeine habits.

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No, I don't have to have soda.

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No, tea no, no, it's not no, because I'd be tired the first two hours of every day.

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That's a good thing that's a good thing man um water ain't enough probably just need more electrolytes that's probably what it is honestly.

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So, quita, what?

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What assessment are we talking about today?

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listen, we're talking about the assessment that put the workplaces on fire.

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Okay, immediately, it had us all looking at each other like, oh so that's why you the way you is, that's why you get on my nerves.

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All right, Everybody, we're talking about the disc assessment.

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All right, Y'all.

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Some of you may remember taking it, all right, Listen, I know for me.

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I was working at Girl Scouts when I took it and we were all side-eyeing each other like that makes sense, that's funny set the workplace on fire?

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it does, I think that.

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So we, if you haven't watched it yet, check out our our talk about strength finders, which is also used a lot in the workplace.

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But it's a very different test.

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That strength finders is really about.

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You kind of um you being about like gifts and skill sets yeah, gifts and skill sets.

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This test is about behaviors and temperament and and it it's very the, the, the context of this is communal, right, and it's not like.

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It's not that these others aren't, but this is where, like when it comes to your personality and particularly your, your personality when it comes to um, a lot of times in the work environment, it is a communal assessment.

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So you understanding you is also you understanding how you behave around other different types, and it's what makes it, as Jaquita said, on fire.

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It's what makes it set on fire because you start to realize like, oh man, like, anyway, we'll get into it.

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It's crazy.

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So, if you haven't heard of it, disc it stands for four different words Dominant, influencing, steady and conscientious.

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Okay, dominant, influencing, steady and conscientious, disc.

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So when you take it, you will be rated with those four different words and you'll kind of be rated like from a scale of high style to low style, right, and it kind of it rates you in between.

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So we're going to tell you what we are and once again, let's not uh, spoiler alert we are the exact opposite of course, in everything and everything it is actually kind of wild.

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So I am a high d, meaning when I I am actually yeah, I'm a very high d, I'm not just, I'm a very on the scale.

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It goes from high, very high to high style.

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I'm a very high d.

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So I am like in the red.

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That means that I have my.

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That D stands for dominant.

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Okay, and we'll go over what that means.

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I'll tell you, when I first took it, I did not appreciate it.

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I was like who, dominant, who like that?

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I feel that I feel I feel attacked, like I, you know, and I didn't appreciate it.

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So I'm a high D and I'm also a high C, all right.

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So I'm a high D and I'm also a high C.

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My Lord, all right.

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So what are you?

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Listen, I'm a high, I OK, I am.

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We are enthusiastic, we are energy driven because we are trying to influence atmospheres and influence kind of like the mood of a room and like the mood of the people.

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Like we want to inspire, we want to motivate, we want to pump people up, and so that's very much where I sit most of the time.

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And what do you know?

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What your second one is?

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My second one is S, which is kind of the one that is really focused on, like, building structures, making plans right, we're steady, all right.

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Slow and steady, all right.

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We like to kind of, you know, build and think through and ideate and like, but we're not quick to move, but we're quick, we're, we're really good at building, kind of the underpinning of a thing.

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That's really good, that's really good.

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So as a d?

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Um I am.

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So what, what it?

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What it how it describes the d is work towards achieving goals and results.

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Absolutely, uh, they function best in active and challenging environments.

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100, that describes me very well.

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When I read it I was like all right, fine, I have to take that fine, I'll be this and then conscientious is.

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It says work towards doing things right and focus on detail, and they function best in structured and early environments.

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And so I definitely have both of those I I.

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At first I identified more with the conscientious than the dominant, because, in my mind, dominant.

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I'll be totally honest with y'all and let me preface this by saying my mom is one of my biggest role models.

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I love her so much but growing up I just was like I don't, my mom is a, my mom, I'm a high d.

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My mom is the highest d.

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She's way higher than I am on that scale, and I don't know that she has another letter.

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Pretty sure that's the only letter she's got.

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So I, growing up, it was like my mom was very, she was very dominant.

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It was very much like you know all the things about a D.

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She was at the top of and I was like yo, like I don't want to be like that.

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Like you know, you know, especially as a kid, you always get in trouble or you know you're getting criticized for something or you need to do this better, we need to make this so, but you know, be here on time, or whatever you know, and it was just like uh-uh.

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No, I don't want to do that, but you are who you come from, amen it is just what it is.

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It shows up, it's just what it is, and so I've realized.

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But I also realized that, like, a lot of why she was that way is because she, she, cares so much about us being well, and it's like you know that it, this, this is what it's going to take for you to be well, for the house to be well, for the house to be well, for everybody around us to be well, even if you don't like it.

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I'm okay with that.

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I'm doing this for your best good, and I began to realize that so like.

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But so when I read this, I associate that particular trait with my mother and I rejected it immediately.

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I am not my mom, this is me.

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it can't be and then I read it and I was like, oh man, I definitely am.

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Uh, my dad is also a high d, they're both, they're both.

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They're both very so.

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I, it comes on us.

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Just like I can't.

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It's just like I can't help it, would you say what do you know?

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Can you see where yours comes from?

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like um I would say I think my mom is a d.

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I think my mom has more, though, more of that dominance characteristic, but I think that she also has, like some of the s, like I think that she is steady, structured and you know s is, I think, tend to be a little bit more mild, tempered um, and I think can, like, exude, kindness and care for sure, in that way um, and so I definitely think I see some of that.

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I don't know about my dad.

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My dad is so reserved sometimes it's hard, not definitely not dominant um, I can see my dad having, maybe, like he probably has some eye, like he, he, I think, but I think he does it very intellectually, which is me too, you know, but I have way more energy than my dad.

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Like I'm a, I'm a pump up a crowd.

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My dad is like I said what I said go be inspired.

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I said it three minutes ago.

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I have nothing else, you know.

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So, like I definitely think that that there there are.

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But I, what I have learned, and which may be the first thing that I've unlearned, is kind of like than previous, because I had to take charge, and when I get into, especially like when I walk up to an event and things are not right immediately I engaging like hosts and, like you know, like leads of events and things, and I was telling them that I went to this one event and we thought it was going to be 200 people and there were 400.

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And it was like goat yoga.

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So we got the goats people grabbing goats, carrying goats all over the place it's 400 people.

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They're there an hour and a half early, like standing in line waiting to do goat yoga, and I was just like I went into full like dominant mode, like I was in the mic.

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I was like, excuse me, if you holding a goat, I need you back in the fence.

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Like I was not playing.

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And then I had to go back and like bring out my eyeself and like so, after I like gave all these rules and stuff, I came, came back and I was like who's ready to have some fun?

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Huh, who's ready for a good time?

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Right, yeah, thank y'all.

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But it's like an event mode.

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I switch and like we say that in the office that I was in previously, like there is like you have like your regular person, and then you have event Jaquita.

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So you have Jaquita, like you have office Jaquita.

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Then you have event Jaquita and you have to get to know event Jaquita, cause she, she different, she different.

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So you make the.

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I'm so glad you did that because you make a very this is brings us into a very um, you know important understanding about this.

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So when you take this test, you actually depending on the level of test you take right?

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I happen to take it in a leadership development course and so they really broke down every I mean, I have a 46 page document right.

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The two things that it measured were your natural style and your adaptive style, and what Queda was talking about was the difference between her natural style and adaptive style.

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So you'll see that you naturally, naturally, you adapt right.

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Especially again and I always want to draw this back because, again, those of you that are listening to this podcast if you are an unlearner, okay, then you are interested in growing and maturing and getting better and moving to the next level.

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Your mindset, like you, want a mindset shift in order to gain the freedom in the season that you're in.

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That's going to take some unlearning, which means you're growing right, and so, naturally, that type of person is going to learn and wants to learn how to adapt into their situation and adapt into what it is that they're doing.

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So you are probably adapting a lot in this season of your life which is going to be different than who you would be if you were in a, you know, just in your natural kind of laid back state where you didn't have any real expectations of you, there was nothing that you were tasked to do.

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There's, you know, you don't have a real high level leadership role or whatever that might be.

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If you're in that area at Thanksgiving, right, you may not be the person who's getting the food together, versus at your job, you may have a leadership role, but at Thanksgiving I say in my situation, my aunt is the leader.

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She does that.

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I chill, I walk in the house, I sit back, I eat food.

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I don't have any decisions I got to make, I don't have any orders I have to give, I don't have to check in with nobody.

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I could just be me.

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So a lot of how I am in the workplace is totally different in a situation where somebody else is in charge.

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But when I'm in charge, I look different, right?

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Like Queda was saying, when she's in charge she looks different, versus when she's not in charge, she looks different.

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So your style is either you adapt to your adaptive style, your natural style.

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So I happen to have mine in front of me.

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I'll give you an example of, like my, the D and the C, which are my top ones, don't change really much, like they're still at the top.

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But for the I, cuida's highest is my lowest.

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So for for me, the, the I is very low in my natural style, very low in my natural style.

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I am not, you know, that idea of creating, you know, social synergy and you know I'm, you know life of the enthusiasm high that that ain't me right.

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That's not who I am, but in a my adaptive style, because of the role I have of leading an organization, I got to have a little bit of that.

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It's still not high, but it's higher than I would be just as plain old with Abigail at her house.

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Right and same for the S.

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The S is lower.

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I actually am.

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I am perfectly fine with going with the flow.

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Most days I don't have to have a plan like we can just move days I don't have to have a plan like we can just move, but it when as a leader, that's not, that's not the case, like I have to have a plan, right, I gotta have a structure.

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You have to be able to communicate that structure.

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Again, it's, it's much higher than just in my, in my, in my lowest, you know, in my regular state.

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So is quita, what I think, what you described is exactly what that is, exactly what that was like.

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You know, jacquita versus office, jacquita versus at home jacquita right like listen.

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Totally, at home, jacquita is so chill, you know, um, I I think there's something about, like the social setting that just like turns things on.

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Yeah, you know, like, like and like.

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I think that, like as you, it's kind of like as you enter into different environments, like it is like hitting buttons on the inside of you.

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Um, because when I get to work, it is immediately like I was especially in my last position where there were so many young adults, young leaders.

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Um, there were so many young adults, young leaders.

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I was constantly like in encouraging mode and hyping them up and helping them to sit down, think through the problems, come up with strategies, you know, but at home, jaquita is like we chilling, like, and I have spent all my energy and I don't feel the need to do those things.

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There's also nobody at home.

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Ain't nobody here, okay, so there's nobody to turn anything on for.

00:19:39.151 --> 00:19:47.403
So, um, but I would say, like with my friends, like I don't feel the need to inspire y'all, you know, like I'm not, like I'm sorry sometimes.

00:19:48.854 --> 00:19:56.015
First of all, we need inspiration y'all be all right, but I don't feel like it's not something that always just turns on like.

00:19:56.015 --> 00:19:59.221
I'm more so thinking through life with you.

00:19:59.221 --> 00:20:03.531
You know and and pondering, and, and I think I pull more on my s?

00:20:03.531 --> 00:20:03.892
Like.

00:20:03.892 --> 00:20:06.894
I think that that's more of like, my S like.

00:20:06.894 --> 00:20:09.695
Let's think through, let's engage.

00:20:09.695 --> 00:20:15.539
You know thoughts and you know figure out the structure of things.

00:20:16.039 --> 00:20:30.518
Versus, when I am in a place where performance is expected, I immediately turn into that I, and when there is, when I'm in a space where there is a larger thing at stake, I can be a little controlling.

00:20:30.518 --> 00:20:41.971
But up until then, I think I think anybody who has ever worked for me will tell you that, like yo, she really let me have it Like my ideas, the things that I wanted to do.

00:20:41.971 --> 00:20:44.316
Like she let me do it Like.

00:20:44.316 --> 00:20:52.680
I was never like pushing, pushy when it came to them making their plans, amir, what do you want to do, tiana, what you want to do?

00:20:52.680 --> 00:20:53.951
You know, darby, what you doing.

00:20:53.951 --> 00:21:05.542
You know, like, and they would just sit down and like, detail out to me what they want to do and I was kind of not critiquing it, but helping them to like give shape to their ideas.

00:21:05.663 --> 00:21:15.317
It wasn't until I got to the thing that I was like all right, all the things haven't been you know, sure you know, and it wasn't even that they hadn't thought of things.

00:21:15.317 --> 00:21:17.125
It's just my mind, I think.

00:21:17.125 --> 00:21:22.635
In the fight or flight mode I think I have more fight than I than I previously realized.

00:21:22.635 --> 00:21:27.142
Like, when things happen, I'm like yo, what we doing?

00:21:27.142 --> 00:21:40.253
Yeah, like I rarely run unless it's an animal, but otherwise y'all, there was a frog in my garage, yeah oh my gosh, it was like no, it wasn't even.

00:21:40.535 --> 00:21:41.757
It doesn't matter.

00:21:41.757 --> 00:21:42.819
It doesn't matter.

00:21:42.819 --> 00:21:46.335
I have not parked in my garage, oh, in months.

00:21:46.335 --> 00:21:53.163
Okay, because the idea of getting out of my car and that frog being near my feet stressed me out.

00:21:53.163 --> 00:21:56.371
Okay, my car in the driveway right now.

00:21:56.371 --> 00:21:58.796
Okay, because I can't do it.

00:21:58.796 --> 00:22:00.459
I cannot do it.

00:22:00.459 --> 00:22:03.083
Animals just freak me out.

00:22:03.083 --> 00:22:07.490
I haven't been in my backyard in years just because there's a creek that runs back.

00:22:07.510 --> 00:22:08.476
I don't know what's out there.

00:22:09.730 --> 00:22:11.257
I let the yard man deal with that.

00:22:11.257 --> 00:22:13.536
Don't even tell me.

00:22:13.536 --> 00:22:23.592
No, that frog stressed me out and my neighbor and her three-year-old were walking around my garage trying to get it and I was just standing back there like y'all got it, I can't do it, I cannot do it.

00:22:23.592 --> 00:22:24.734
I can't, I can't do it, I just I cannot do it.

00:22:24.734 --> 00:22:26.720
A three-year-old yeah.

00:22:26.800 --> 00:23:10.576
She was like come on, you've held a frog before and the little three-year-old was running around and I was like I'm so grateful but nevertheless, nevertheless, like I have learned that like my fight or flight mode is fight and I think that, like when I get in those situations and there's a lot going on or there's like a critical emergency or something is happening, I had a student, we were at an event and this student was about to pass out and immediately I went into let's take care of it mode, Like and it was so funny because I walked on her and I was trying to get her to a chair and she just fell on me like in my arms, was like I'm so tired and I was like mama here, baby, mama here you're really making me.

00:23:10.636 --> 00:23:22.760
So this is, this is interesting because and I'm scrolling through because I want to I want to make sure there's a, there's a particular um, I think that's.

00:23:22.760 --> 00:23:25.703
Guys, let me find in my notes.

00:23:25.703 --> 00:23:27.266
Yeah, here we go, okay.

00:23:27.266 --> 00:23:33.741
So so the I and this is interesting and I'm kind of putting this together.

00:23:33.741 --> 00:23:36.753
So, if you're an I or if you and you have to take, take this.

00:23:36.753 --> 00:23:55.546
But if you, if you're like hey, you know, I, I typically uh, i's and s's typically uh, are more people oriented versus D's and C's are more task oriented typically, and so in that moment, right it you that what you just described?

00:23:55.546 --> 00:24:05.153
It's really interesting because it's like, as an I, yeah, like, let me ask you this do you think you would have been as intense if it wasn't a human problem?

00:24:05.536 --> 00:24:08.816
Oh, absolutely not, Absolutely not.

00:24:08.816 --> 00:24:20.122
When things happen and they're like we need this paperwork immediately, I'm like, whatever you know, like absolutely not.

00:24:20.122 --> 00:24:21.596
I could care less.

00:24:21.596 --> 00:24:24.678
Yes, I could care less.

00:24:24.758 --> 00:24:26.853
No, I'm remembering a time.

00:24:26.853 --> 00:24:39.618
So my, uh, my, my partner in crime and angel street um one of my partners in crime, her name is jill, she's also, she's also an eye, uh, and me and jill it's y'all are very similar.

00:24:39.719 --> 00:24:42.006
So we were uh, this was years ago.

00:24:42.006 --> 00:24:43.371
Gosh, this is over 10 years ago.

00:24:43.371 --> 00:24:50.090
Um, we were in germany, um, for a conference, and we were trying to get.

00:24:50.090 --> 00:24:57.561
We were on our way, we're at the airport, getting back home, and there was an issue with the security and the plane and all this.

00:24:57.561 --> 00:25:03.219
Anyway, we were, we were very, very close to missing our flight and we had like it wasn't an option.

00:25:03.219 --> 00:25:04.942
Like you know, we're traveling internationally.

00:25:04.942 --> 00:25:05.932
We have to get home.

00:25:06.413 --> 00:25:09.759
Missing your flight just isn't as simple as if you're in the States, right?

00:25:09.759 --> 00:25:19.271
So, jill, there was a point where she just literally bowed her way through the crowd and said okay, guys, we're getting through.

00:25:19.271 --> 00:25:20.453
And she said follow me.

00:25:20.453 --> 00:25:27.790
And we, she went, and we went right behind her and it was very uncomfortable for me because I don't, that's not.

00:25:27.790 --> 00:25:39.053
I would prefer to think of every other type of way than to like bother people, right, I don't want to do that, but and I and I don't think she does either but what was concerning to her was I gotta get y'all home.

00:25:39.053 --> 00:25:40.676
I gotta get y'all home.

00:25:40.676 --> 00:25:42.280
This was a trip I asked you to be on.

00:25:42.300 --> 00:25:49.493
I gotta get y'all home oh, yeah, so she, every sense in her was about us and the problem it.

00:25:49.493 --> 00:25:54.423
Since the problem concerned her people, she was like it ain't even a thing.

00:25:54.851 --> 00:26:00.300
Listen, I'm not an aggressive person, but mess with somebody that's up under me.

00:26:00.300 --> 00:26:01.242
I'm quick.

00:26:01.242 --> 00:26:10.194
I saw this, uh, this video on Instagram where it talked about like being a millennial boss, and the lady was on there and she was like, oh, they said what?

00:26:10.194 --> 00:26:17.759
Okay, copy me in the next email and say, bringing Jaquita in for visibility and I'll take it from there.

00:26:17.759 --> 00:26:19.701
That's very much me Like.

00:26:19.901 --> 00:26:24.243
Something similar happened and I was like yo, add me on to that next meeting.

00:26:24.243 --> 00:26:26.704
You know what I'm saying.

00:26:26.704 --> 00:26:27.746
And we're going to handle this.

00:26:27.746 --> 00:26:28.746
We're going to squash this.

00:26:28.746 --> 00:26:38.040
All right, I was quick to make a meeting Like, hey, guys want to just meet so we can all get on the same page.

00:26:38.040 --> 00:26:39.387
And I'm coming in like, so what?

00:26:39.387 --> 00:26:39.709
The problem is?

00:26:39.709 --> 00:26:41.355
Okay, we're going to fix things.

00:26:41.355 --> 00:26:58.175
When you come against, like and I think it's also because I think like as one, as a millennial or as a middle adult like we got pushed over, like we got talked about bad, y'all came for the millennials, y'all came for us.

00:26:58.175 --> 00:27:05.518
Okay, y'all try to act like we was lazy, like we ain't wanna do no work, like we was complaining all the time.

00:27:05.518 --> 00:27:06.560
Now, look at y'all.

00:27:06.560 --> 00:27:09.237
Now, y'all need us.

00:27:09.237 --> 00:27:12.105
Now, we, the middle adults running the world.

00:27:12.125 --> 00:27:19.665
Okay, y'all know what to do with these 21 year olds, yeah they, they, generation alpha gonna stress y'all out.

00:27:19.846 --> 00:27:22.093
Okay, they already don't know what to do with gen z.

00:27:22.093 --> 00:27:27.448
They like, yeah, put some respect on our names, okay.

00:27:27.448 --> 00:27:34.063
Also, most of us are close to 40, if not 40 already, but nevertheless, all right, we're not.

00:27:34.063 --> 00:27:36.234
We're not the young ones, no more Y'all talking about them.

00:27:36.234 --> 00:27:39.411
Gen Zers now, all right, we do the side part, they do the middle.

00:27:39.411 --> 00:27:42.055
It's real easy to to to tell us apart.

00:27:42.055 --> 00:27:44.138
You know they wear long socks, we wear short ones.

00:27:44.138 --> 00:27:47.324
You know them long socks be stressing me out.

00:27:47.324 --> 00:27:52.049
Do you know how hard we fought to have the no-show ankle socks?

00:27:53.493 --> 00:27:54.739
I still don't understand that.

00:27:56.537 --> 00:27:57.039
I don't get it.

00:27:57.039 --> 00:27:59.935
Nevertheless, I have learned.

00:27:59.935 --> 00:28:04.596
As I've grown older, the dominance comes out more in me.

00:28:04.596 --> 00:28:23.336
I will tell you it is quite stressful because I had a lot of issues with people with the with the d personality, like you know I was just about to say let's talk about what bothers us, sometimes about certain you know, and this is why I said that, like the disc assessment, tore these workplaces up.

00:28:23.917 --> 00:28:36.154
Okay, because I would just like to say, as soon as I learned the disc assessment, I knew I had beef with the C's, like I, I knew, cause they stress, they're always like but what about the details?

00:28:36.154 --> 00:28:37.078
What about the facts?

00:28:37.078 --> 00:28:40.156
What about compliance?

00:28:40.156 --> 00:28:43.378
Everybody has to comply, procedure, procedure, procedure.

00:28:43.378 --> 00:28:45.914
And I'm like ain't nobody got time?

00:28:45.914 --> 00:28:47.252
And you know they're always the ones.

00:28:47.252 --> 00:28:50.192
You know everybody's like all right, guys, we're all going to get it done.

00:28:50.192 --> 00:29:00.015
Yeah, and the C person's like well, I just really don't think that we thought about policy E, uh, section two, and I'm just like it's true.

00:29:01.556 --> 00:29:02.856
Please don't, nobody care.

00:29:02.856 --> 00:29:08.142
Again, I'm people oriented, so all of that, you know, policy, policy, policy.

00:29:08.142 --> 00:29:09.462
I'm like it's gone.

00:29:09.462 --> 00:29:09.942
It's gone.

00:29:09.942 --> 00:29:13.645
You know, I might have to change the policy up depending on what I'm doing.

00:29:13.645 --> 00:29:24.938
Anyway, like you know, I don't be really thinking that you know one policy going to do everything I need it to do anyway.

00:29:24.938 --> 00:29:26.825
So you know, like I quickly had to like be mindful of I don't, don't come too hard on the seas.

00:29:26.825 --> 00:29:30.173
You know, like I, I I quickly had to like be mindful of all right, don't don't come too hard on the C's.

00:29:30.173 --> 00:29:37.517
You know, and and I think, being around, it's interesting that you're a D, cause I don't know that I would have guessed that.

00:29:37.537 --> 00:29:41.233
But y'all, ruth Abigail, I learned more about Ruth Abigail every year.

00:29:41.233 --> 00:29:42.715
Like it's like another.

00:29:42.715 --> 00:29:45.721
Like you know, like when you know Shrek said he was an onion.

00:29:45.721 --> 00:29:47.884
You know Ruth Abigail has been an onion.

00:29:47.884 --> 00:29:52.922
You know she just keeps becoming more and more herself, which is beautiful.

00:29:53.371 --> 00:29:58.058
But it's 20 years of friendship and you know she was not a D in college.

00:29:58.058 --> 00:30:00.954
Well, no, she kind of was, you kind of was.

00:30:00.954 --> 00:30:04.792
I wasn't a confident D, you weren't a confident D.

00:30:04.792 --> 00:30:08.779
But I remember when we led the gospel choir together.

00:30:08.779 --> 00:30:20.743
Ruth Abigail was president, I was vice president and one rehearsal she wasn't going to be there and she left me like a list of instructions of what I needed to do so that I would do it the way that she would do it.

00:30:20.743 --> 00:30:22.497
And I was like absolutely not.

00:30:22.497 --> 00:30:30.636
Like she even left me a word y'all, because we would give like a little inspirational word at the beginning Me a whole religion major.

00:30:30.636 --> 00:30:34.621
She did not trust me to write my own words.

00:30:34.621 --> 00:30:36.436
She was like here's the word I wanted to give.

00:30:36.436 --> 00:30:39.700
I really need you to give it just as it's written on this paper.

00:30:39.700 --> 00:30:42.618
And I was like what?

00:30:42.769 --> 00:30:43.894
And she didn't do it, by the way.

00:30:44.991 --> 00:30:52.038
No, I tried to, and that's when everybody was looking at me side eye because you had a reason you want nevertheless, nevertheless.

00:30:52.038 --> 00:31:13.061
You know, I think what's interesting to me as I start to like live more in my d era, in my dominance era, is that I think back on all of the, all of the kind of really hard times I had with that personality type and it scares me sometimes because it's like some of it was traumatic.

00:31:13.061 --> 00:31:24.765
You know, like some of the stuff from growing up and just living with people and engaging with people, like some of it was traumatizing and things that I don't want to repeat ever.

00:31:24.765 --> 00:31:34.237
And I don't want to repeat ever and I don't want to make anybody else feel like, but when I get in those, when eventually it comes out, it's just so natural and immediately I'm just like.

00:31:34.237 --> 00:31:47.744
It's like after I come back to my eyeness I'm like, oh Lord, I hope I didn't like hurt anybody or traumatize anybody and you have to unlearn that there's trauma associated with what you've experienced.

00:31:47.990 --> 00:31:52.099
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I think what you're.

00:31:52.099 --> 00:31:59.980
So one of the things that I think I'm constantly unlearning and I appreciate what you said about the onion I am constantly.

00:31:59.980 --> 00:32:12.795
I am learning more about myself, and not just learning more, but getting comfortable, right, like I said in the beginning, when I saw that D, it triggered me because it brought me back to a space I always said I never wanted to be, but I am it just.

00:32:12.795 --> 00:32:17.332
That's just who I am Like and it doesn't have to be a bad thing.

00:32:17.332 --> 00:32:21.932
Now there's an upside, there's a, there's an under underside and upside to any personality.

00:32:21.932 --> 00:32:23.940
We've talked about that before and it true.

00:32:23.940 --> 00:32:31.598
Like you, you know, I can be very controlling, like, as quita said, like you know, do this, say this, be this.

00:32:31.598 --> 00:32:33.082
You know, don't veer from that.

00:32:33.082 --> 00:32:34.772
This is my plan and I want to move that.

00:32:34.813 --> 00:32:35.394
Like that right.

00:32:35.394 --> 00:32:38.321
You ain't been in control that, and that I've got.

00:32:38.362 --> 00:32:42.631
I've gotten caught in that trap and I've had to learn how to trust and let go and let people be who they are.

00:32:42.631 --> 00:32:45.883
Um, and also there's a.

00:32:45.883 --> 00:32:47.107
There's an upside to it.

00:32:47.107 --> 00:32:53.363
It's like I don't want to get things done and it's like there's a, like you know the combination of a, d and a c.

00:32:53.363 --> 00:32:58.705
If that is who you are, you know how to you know what it's going to take to move, something like.

00:32:59.468 --> 00:33:14.020
And even though you may not know, this is key, and this is why I think the beauty of um, of of the of the difference of two people like me and quita um is I know how to move things.

00:33:14.020 --> 00:33:16.511
Quita knows how to move people, and that's true.

00:33:16.511 --> 00:33:19.417
I'm not great at moving people.

00:33:19.417 --> 00:33:33.800
I'm learning, and I have learned from people like like to quita and their personality types, but I naturally am very good at moving a thing, and, and so sometimes you have to know the difference.

00:33:33.800 --> 00:33:35.373
You have to know what's needed in the moment.

00:33:35.373 --> 00:33:37.921
Do you need to move people or do you need to move a product?

00:33:37.921 --> 00:33:38.810
Do you need to move a thing?

00:33:38.810 --> 00:33:40.353
Right?

00:33:40.353 --> 00:33:51.306
And so one of the things that I have that I've had to unlearn is you know, we say this, but again it brings up the tension.

00:33:51.306 --> 00:33:58.618
The reality is, if you want something different, if you want something different, you got to do something different, and sometimes you are not the person to do the different.

00:33:59.029 --> 00:34:08.023
You have to accept something different, and that might mean you have to accept a different way of doing something that somebody else is going to do.

00:34:08.023 --> 00:34:30.114
And I know that when I saw this, I immediately realized some gaps in my own behavior styles that didn't allow people to do what's needed for the thing that I want to see better like.

00:34:30.114 --> 00:34:41.663
I'm trying to fill in gaps that other people need to fill, not me, but in order for that to happen, I gotta let go of how I would do it right.

00:34:42.452 --> 00:34:49.353
So like, if I need my team, if I want my team to grow, which I do, but my team to grow, I want them to develop.

00:34:49.353 --> 00:34:57.980
It's not just about giving them more responsibility, that's my natural, like I'm just going to give you more stuff to do versus a quita.

00:34:57.980 --> 00:34:58.661
How would you?

00:34:58.661 --> 00:34:59.021
What?

00:34:59.021 --> 00:34:59.911
What are some things?

00:34:59.911 --> 00:35:05.711
First of all, let me ask you this, just as a different way of thinking would that be part of your plan?

00:35:05.711 --> 00:35:09.219
And if, maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but what else would you add to that?

00:35:10.306 --> 00:35:13.490
from your side when you say would what be part of my plan, Like growth?

00:35:13.530 --> 00:35:19.659
and development of a team Like my first thing is, I'm going to give you more responsibility, I'm going to watch how you do it and we're going to talk about it.

00:35:22.811 --> 00:35:52.505
I think I spent a lot of time getting to learn who my team members were individually and and what their ultimate goal was, and I crafted a kind of professional development plan that was specific to who they were and I'm just constantly aware of their strengths and weaknesses and I have a goal in mind for them and I'm like watching over the pot, like okay, yep, I see where he's growing.

00:35:52.505 --> 00:35:54.411
Let me add a little bit more of this.

00:35:54.411 --> 00:35:56.981
And it, it, I scaled it Right.

00:35:56.981 --> 00:36:11.545
So it wasn't I want you to get from A to Z by tomorrow, it was I want you to get from A to C, then I want you to get from C to F, like I want you to make incremental leaps toward like a fulfillment.

00:36:11.545 --> 00:36:14.255
And it allowed me to figure out.

00:36:14.416 --> 00:36:22.179
I'm always aware of when to be honest and when to when is when is the best time to drop truth?

00:36:22.179 --> 00:36:35.014
You know I had been, I'd had my team for almost three years about two, three years by the time I left and it wasn't until like my last two weeks in the job where I was like here's your next point of growth.

00:36:35.014 --> 00:36:44.576
Now, I had always known that, but it I dropped it at the right time, because sometimes when we're looking at people and we're like you just need to be made better.

00:36:44.576 --> 00:36:53.025
And I've been in those circumstances by these, where I got a story to tell my sister.

00:36:53.025 --> 00:37:00.490
I got a story to tell, but I've been at that point where it's just, why can't you just do all of these things and become this person, right One?

00:37:00.490 --> 00:37:02.273
I'm not that person, yep, and it took me a while to realize that.

00:37:02.273 --> 00:37:04.215
Yep, and it took me a while to realize that.

00:37:04.215 --> 00:37:11.505
It took me a while to realize that the version of me that people were making up in their head was not me.

00:37:11.505 --> 00:37:21.030
Yeah, it was not who I am.

00:37:21.030 --> 00:37:23.597
It was not my gift set, it was not my personality, it was not my strengths, it just wasn't me.

00:37:23.597 --> 00:37:26.603
And who they wanted me to be was really a different version of themselves.

00:37:26.603 --> 00:37:46.684
That's right, and you cannot mold somebody to be you, and I think that people who are more task oriented tend to do that For sure, because they are like they want it, and the biggest thing is is that they didn't care about who I was or who I would become.

00:37:46.684 --> 00:37:50.300
They cared about what I would do and what it looked like.

00:37:50.300 --> 00:38:05.050
I want you to do, act and behave in a way that symbolizes that you represent the way that I behave and act right and think and everything.

00:38:05.050 --> 00:38:05.791
You get what I'm saying.

00:38:05.851 --> 00:38:16.940
And so and it was it was stressful because I felt like I didn't have an advocate that was saying, hey, no, actually you bring value.

00:38:16.940 --> 00:38:31.969
Like, not only did I not have someone saying, no, you, you actually bring a lot of value to a space, you actually add a lot of value.

00:38:31.969 --> 00:38:53.416

Talks With Middle Adults: Unlocking Personal Growth Through DISC Assessments, Adapting to New Roles, and Embracing Authentic Leadership

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