Talks With Middle Adults: What Do I Do When I Don't Find Purpose In My Job

Transcript

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hello everybody and welcome once again to the unlearned podcast.

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Uh, this is the podcast that is helping you gain the courage to change your mind so you can experience more freedom, and I'm your host, ruth abigail aka ra what's up everybody's.

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Jaquita, glad to be with you, glad to be in the midst One more time.

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One more time, y'all.

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There she is, churchy Jaquita, all right, so what's up, jaquita, how's your week been?

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Man, this week has been crazy busy but so so, so good.

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Went to the Men of Color Conference Shout but so so, so good.

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Went to the Men of Color Conference Shout out Clemson University.

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It was an amazing experience, met so many cool people, made so many great connections.

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So I'm feeling good right now.

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I'm feeling good.

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That's what's up, that's what's up.

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How about you, Ruth Abigail?

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You know it's been good, it's been a good week.

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I always have trouble figuring out what I did this week, but I know it was good.

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You know what I'm saying Hold on, hold on, hold on.

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I can look at my calendar and tell you, because I keep, because that's the only way I know what I did.

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No, no, no, for us the only way I know what it did.

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So let's see, we had, oh, oh, oh, I had a great.

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You were on TV Talk about that.

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Oh, yeah, I was, I was on TV.

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I gotta say, if you're ever on, if you're ever on the news, always be sure that you realize when the camera is actually on you, because they may not tell you that it's on you.

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Because that's what happened to me.

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I watched the clip of it and I didn't know.

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I genuinely didn't know I was on camera.

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I thought it was angled to the other person.

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So I'm over here fixing myself while they talking and I look crazy anyway.

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But it was fine.

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It was like 15 seconds of crazy and the rest of it was fine.

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But yeah, got a chance to speak on behalf of Angel Street and that was cool.

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We also had a really great event of Angel Street, and that was cool.

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We also had a really great event for Angel Street.

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We had a Halo Happy Hour, which is where we kind of celebrate powerful women and have some fun, and so that was really cool.

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You know it was a good week today.

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You know I like weeks like that.

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We get to do fun things.

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It's not normal Weeks when you just casually, you know, like weeks like that we get to do fun things, it's not, yeah.

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Weeks when you just casually, you know, yeah, put on tv to talk about your organization, sure, sure, weeks where you're just casually intermingling with the community and doing big things just casual, just to catch another week in the in the life of ruth abigail it's okay.

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Well, you know.

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Well, I mean, I'm blessed.

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You know I'm saying I'm blessed.

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You know why.

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You know why.

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You know why I'm saying I'm blessed.

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You know why, queeda, you know why I'm blessed.

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Why are you blessed?

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Because I love my job, queeda.

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Come on here, listen, listen.

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I love my job too, but there was a time.

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There was definitely a time, ruth Abagas, you were there with me, you were part of my life.

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At this point, there was definitely a time where I did, in fact, not at all like our love, my job, and was there for three years in that state, and I think that you know we all are, everything's not a winner.

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You know everything's not a winner for you.

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Everything's not.

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You know everything that you would hope it to be.

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But you know, I, when I think about the job that I did't like, I remember the day that I left because I didn't like that job so much that the next job I took I actually made less than what I was making that job.

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But I was like I have to get out of here.

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You know, and there's a lot of different reasons why you may not like your job.

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You know, for me it was the environment was toxic, but and also they wouldn't allow me to operate in what I felt like was my area of purpose.

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You know, they wanted to kind of pigeonhole me into this one way of being, way of thinking, way of operating, and I was just like this is not where I could be best utilized in this company.

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But when I applied for other positions, they told me until you master this one, you don't get access to any other position in this company.

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And it was very frustrating.

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But the day that I left that job which I'm not going to name on this podcast, but the day that I remember, the day that I left the job and they were passing out my cupcakes and everybody was celebrating me, I remember thinking this is a super bittersweet moment and it didn't hit me until then because I was so excited about leaving that I didn't realize that, while I had fulfilled a piece of purpose there, that I felt like I had walked into purpose by taking another job, that I had misused and abused my season of preparation, and a lot of times we don't realize that preparation is what is really pulling the purpose out of us.

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So, ruth Abigail, what's the?

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name of the piece.

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Look at you.

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You better walk on into this topic.

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You better walk into the topic.

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Yes, yeah.

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So what we want to talk about is how do you pull purpose out of any situation you're in with your work for?

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Sure how do you, how do you get it right?

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We talk a lot about, so there's.

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You know, I don't know when you remember when this book came out um the purpose driven life by rick warren it was all the rage like high school.

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Yeah, we were in high school it was all the rage, I know.

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For our generation that was like probably one of the core books and definitely core topics when it came to work.

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Work was always synonymous with purpose.

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Find your purpose right, you need to find your purpose you need to be.

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You know you want to do work that puts you in your purpose, and we heard that.

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And without guidance, what will happen?

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And you said, your story kind of depicts that a little bit Queda what will happen is you'll start looking for a job with purpose before you understand the preparation behind that particular purpose.

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Right, You're like, okay, this is what I love to do, Let me go find it.

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Yeah, let me, let me just jump right in.

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Right that that's not always healthy, um, and I think we just want to talk about a little bit of our experience as to what that, what, what that can be, and how every job won't scratch that itch, but every job will prepare you when you're ready to actually walk into it.

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And I'll put this plug in here Jobs don't all jobs are the only thing that bring out purpose.

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Your paycheck, just just.

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You don't have to be getting a paycheck to work in purpose.

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Yeah.

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So that's also something to always remember.

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You might want, um you might want, to be working in your purpose, but that doesn't mean that you have to get paid for it.

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There are other avenues, anyway.

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Well, we'll dive in no, no, no, cause I, like you, made such a great point that I want to like piggyback right off of that is that the way that I found myself walking in purpose was by taking the unpaid things, things that started off unpaid.

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You get what I'm saying.

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What'd you say?

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I said, that's good yeah.

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I started by taking the things that are unpaid.

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I remember I was working at this particular job and I needed.

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I needed to be actively, like using my gifts of, like motivational speaking and teaching and like really just getting in front of people, like presenting something that was going to help them get to their next level of life.

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You know, I came out of divinity school and went into the nonprofit world and there was nothing wrong with nonprofit, but I was like I'm not in front of people anymore, like I'm not speaking and and pouring life back into the community like I was used to.

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So I started going to community centers, I started linking up with community programs, like hey, you know, I linked up with a college prep program here in Greenville and I started going on their interviews to interview to bring their students into the organization, interview to bring their students into the organization.

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And I went to almost every single interview that they had, to the point where they looked at me because I had been volunteering so avidly and consistently with them that they looked at me and said, hey, do you want to come speak to our students about how to transfer into college?

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And I was like yes, absolutely.

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And then they looked at me and said, hey, why don't we just bring you on for the whole summer to teach classes?

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And I was like, absolutely yes.

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And I worked with that organization for seven to eight years and I'm still connected.

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But that started with me volunteering my time consistently because I knew it was a place of purpose for me.

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Right, and so purpose doesn't, like you said, purpose doesn't always come from the, from the paycheck.

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The paycheck at that time wasn't providing what I consider to be purpose.

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It was providing, but what I didn't realize at the time was that that spot that I was in was a place of preparation.

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It was ironing out some things in me that needed to be made right for the place that I was going into, where I might feel like I was doing things that were more purposeful.

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But I needed a foundation.

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I'm not the most structured person.

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We all know this.

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I'm good with who I am now.

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But just because you're a more casual or kind of go with the flow person doesn't mean that you don't need to learn structure.

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It doesn't mean that you don't need to learn how to be more business minded.

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Just because you are a more regimented person doesn't mean that you don't need to learn how to glean from other people, right?

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I often tell people, you know, because we get stuck on our personalities, right?

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Well, this is just who I am, you know.

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I just got to be 100 percent me, and the thing that I used to teach my college, my my college skills classes was personality is about preference, and maturity will require you to go against your preference, right, that?

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The only reason I can teach that is because I had to learn that and I wanted to be a certain way in that job.

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I didn't want to do all of that.

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I don't like administrative work, I don't like spreadsheets, I don't like doing all of that, and that's what that job wanted me to do, but it was preparing me so that I had it in my bag.

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Now that I'm a director and I'm overseeing teams, I have to do a lot of administrative work.

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It's not my favorite thing to do, but because I went through a season of preparation, I'm able to better operate in my season of purpose.

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But you got to see it right.

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So there's a book.

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If you haven't read it, I think it's a great.

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This is a great time in your life to read it, right, Any time in your life is really a good time to read this book.

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This is a really good book.

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It's called so Good they Can't Ignore you.

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When.

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I was training youth workers.

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This is one of the books that we we went over.

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Right, it was my favorite book to go over.

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Couple of chapters to me are some of the most relevant for that season of your life where you're transitioning and certainly when you're trying to figure out what.

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What does the rest of my professional world look like?

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So they, they, they make a couple of distinctions.

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I'm going to read a quote, though, that I think Really encapsulates one of the one of the principles of the book.

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Come on, quote he says working right trumps finding the right work.

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Yeah, pretty good.

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Huh, that's good.

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Yeah, do it again.

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Working right trumps finding the right work right.

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I promise y'all, we gonna make her into a preacher one day, one day absolutely not so.

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So I think like that.

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That is what, when you're saying what you're saying, quita is like okay, no matter where you are, what does right work?

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look like man period, whether you feel like you're good at it, whether you like it, uh, whether it's you know, whether it's something that you know brings you joy or whatever.

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Yeah, what does right work?

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Look like, so like, believe it not.

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I tell my team all the time people are watching, all the time.

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Most people will never say it, but people are watching, they're seeing everything, and a lot of times what they're seeing they see from a different lens, because they know something a little deeper than what you might know at this season.

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So you don't always know that what they might be interpreting based on what they're seeing.

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So just be aware of that right.

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And so the best thing to do is to do right work as opposed to finding the right work.

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You will find it once you start to do it.

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Yeah.

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And or better yet, it will find you, and that's been my experience.

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Right work has found me because I've decided to do the right work.

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That makes sense, yeah.

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So I think that part of Part of working right is having what he calls in his book a craftsman mindset as opposed to a passion mindset Right.

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So a passion mindset is what can the job do for me?

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Yeah, a craftsman mindset is what can I contribute to the job?

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Yeah, right, it is shifting that it to the job?

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Yeah, right, it is shifting that.

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It's shifting your mindset because at the end of the day, you're, if you have a craftsman mindset and say what is it in me that can benefit this thing, as opposed to looking for how it can benefit you.

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Number one, you'll last longer anywhere because you're contributing something you're not just taking and when you contribute, what you don't realize is you actually you actually take take the power away from this entity that could suck it out of you, that could suck life out of you.

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You take that power away by deciding to contribute to it every day, yeah, otherwise, sometimes you can just sit back and it just gets draining and now you can't function.

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So I think that's one of the most important things you have to learn how to contribute wherever you are, based on your gifts, based on what you're able to do, based on what you know you can do well, but also through learning, learn how to do things, learn how to do new things.

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You might not be great at everything, but you can get better at a lot of things.

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For sure.

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I think one of the things that I had to unlearn is that my fulfilling purpose is not based on my sense of joy or my sense of contentment with what I'm doing.

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Right, I thought, because I'm a very passionate person, right, and so I thought that when I am actively using my passions and I'm like on like my energy levels on 10 and I'm operating up at that high energy level, like, the thing that I thought when I was in my 20s was that when I'm in that high octane zone and I'm up in front of a crowd and I'm speaking and I'm like moving and I'm like doing the things that I know that I'm supposed to be doing, like with my life, and I'm like on like 10 with my gifts, that that's me and purpose right.

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But what I had to learn was was that the work that I'm doing when I'm on a lower level of energy, where I may not be the person in the front or in the foreground, that that stuff is just as much purposeful as the stuff as when I'm in front of a crowd or when I'm in or when my work is being seen Right.

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And so I think that that changed the way that I approach work where, like where you say, with the craftsmanship versus what was it, passion Versus passion, like the craftsmanship, like where it changed for me thinking about, oh, I got to get myself up here because when I'm operating at this level, I'm in purpose to like being like okay.

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How am I always a contributor to like being like okay.

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How am I always a contributor?

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How am I always a key player?

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How am I always valuable, even when I'm not in the forefront?

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To give you an example the job I had before where I was working in campus life and I was the director and I was kind of like it was me and the students and we had an amazing relationship.

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You know, to these days, those are my forever mentees.

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They know they got me for real.

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You know, to these days, those are my forever mentees.

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They know they got.

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They know they got me for real.

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You know, and I was pouring into into the lives of students on a daily basis.

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It's like 20 students sitting in my office.

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I'm like what do you need?

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What do you need?

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What do you need?

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Pouring, pouring, pouring, and I'm their point person.

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When I got to the job that I have now.

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There are people in their twenties, right, who are operating at the level where they're the ones pouring into students.

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I don't walk into their office and be like, hey, man, let me talk to these students, I know I can get them where they need to be Right, let me, let me holler at them because, see, they need me.

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No, they don't need me.

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That's not my level of purpose.

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My level of purpose is not to be in the forefront right now.

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My level of purpose is to be sitting with the young leaders, pouring into them so that they're able to pour into the next generation, and not me trying to skip past them.

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You got to get past the point where you are the person that's always in front, doing things right.

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You have to be able to see yourself as being a valuable key player at all times and really contributing to the movement of the organization, right.

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And so when I'm looking at again as a middle adult, when I'm looking at younger leaders who are under me and they're operating at that high octane level, it's not my job to over, to pass them and to bypass them and to say I'm a person that's supposed to be impacting these students.

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No, it's my job as a leader to now influence you and your impact Right and as and kind of like that grandfather role or that grandmother role, because you know I'm a woman Right, and in that role you know we are actually pushing purpose forward.

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So it's not about my purpose, it's about the purpose of the organization, it's about the purpose of everyone around me now, and I really think that that's the difference between, like a middle adult view versus a young leader view, because we're thinking about more about like who all's in the room and who all needs something, versus just, I need to be impactful in what I'm doing right, and I think that I do think that that's a shift that happens as you grow in leadership but that's not a shift.

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That happens with everybody, though, and I think a lot of people, um, like.

00:18:52.333 --> 00:19:11.218
My question is what if you are in an environment where you're the leader or the your boss or whoever don't think like that and they are almost it's like they're in competition with you because they're trying to get you know what I'm saying Like they're trying to get theirs too and they're not thinking about the whole picture, so like, so, okay.

00:19:11.218 --> 00:19:12.007
So let me just I'm going to.

00:19:12.007 --> 00:19:16.440
This is interesting statistics, right, okay, okay, so let me just I'm going to.

00:19:16.440 --> 00:19:18.025
This is interesting statistics, right, okay?

00:19:21.464 --> 00:19:25.164
74% of employees in the US believe that company culture is one of the biggest contributing factors to job satisfaction 74%.

00:19:25.164 --> 00:19:26.388
It makes sense, right?

00:19:26.388 --> 00:19:27.574
Company culture.

00:19:27.574 --> 00:19:37.846
So if you have a team or a leader of whoever who doesn't have that mindset that you just described, what do you do with that like?

00:19:37.846 --> 00:19:43.086
How do I continue to like if they're always trying to take, take over what I'm supposed to be doing?

00:19:43.086 --> 00:19:45.971
Because it feels like you know they are.

00:19:45.971 --> 00:19:52.489
It feels like they're trying to keep, keep their place, like you said, like all right, no, this is what I do you's like.

00:19:52.528 --> 00:19:54.530
Well, what do I do with that?

00:19:55.811 --> 00:19:56.613
That's interesting.

00:19:56.613 --> 00:20:18.926
I think that that's where I was when I was in my first professional position that I really didn't like, and I think part of the preparation that I was encountering in that, as far as like pulling purpose for myself in that role, was how was the toxicity that comes from that and how damaging that mindset is?

00:20:18.926 --> 00:20:36.785
And so I think in those instances you know, yes, there's only so much you can do in your position, right, like I'm not, I'm not able to have the influence that I may want to have in that organization to be able to pull everybody up, right.

00:20:36.785 --> 00:20:42.196
And so you do become kind of hyper-focused on your role and what you're doing.

00:20:42.196 --> 00:20:48.586
And I think that I'm looking back at some other instances where I've always had ideas about how things should be led.

00:20:48.586 --> 00:21:17.631
I think that those are moments that you have to like really practice some high emotional intelligence, right, and I think that emotional intelligence, kind of the four quadrants of emotional intelligence, is going to be key for you because you are in a position to learn and you may not be able to have, you may not have the power or the authority in that position to have as much impact, but you can manage up and that's important, but you can only do that if you have the emotional intelligence to do it right.

00:21:17.631 --> 00:21:19.317
So what is emotional intelligence?

00:21:19.317 --> 00:21:20.182
There's four quadrants.

00:21:20.182 --> 00:21:30.789
The first is self-awareness right, you have to become really, really aware of how you are being impacted by outside stimuli, right?

00:21:30.789 --> 00:21:32.974
Like how is this job impacting you?

00:21:32.974 --> 00:21:39.657
Is it making you angry, is it making you frustrated, is it making you upset, does it make you feel ill at ease?

00:21:39.657 --> 00:21:41.362
Does it make you feel like I just want to move?

00:21:41.362 --> 00:21:42.304
I got to get out of here?

00:21:42.304 --> 00:21:44.247
Right, you got to know yourself, right.

00:21:44.247 --> 00:21:46.069
Am I a fight or flight person?

00:21:46.069 --> 00:21:47.912
Right, do I feel like I want to knock?

00:21:47.912 --> 00:21:49.453
If you're a buck, all right.

00:21:49.453 --> 00:21:51.297
Or am I running for the hills?

00:21:51.297 --> 00:21:53.619
Right, you got to know that about yourself.

00:21:53.619 --> 00:21:53.881
Right.

00:21:53.881 --> 00:21:57.250
Heels right, you got to know that about yourself.

00:21:57.250 --> 00:21:57.369
Right.

00:21:57.369 --> 00:21:57.872
Okay, All right.

00:21:57.872 --> 00:21:59.357
I don't know if y'all know that Ruth got a little gangster in her.

00:21:59.357 --> 00:22:00.903
She's a little Ruth the Revolutionary.

00:22:00.903 --> 00:22:06.767
I don't know if y'all have met her yet, but yeah, you can't just casually say knock if you buck and she'd be okay.

00:22:06.767 --> 00:22:09.473
Right, but you got to know that about yourself.

00:22:09.554 --> 00:22:19.827
I just had a phone call with somebody today who had an issue where they heard somebody in the hall speaking negatively about a student and they're like what should I do?

00:22:19.827 --> 00:22:21.031
Because I need to write a letter.

00:22:21.031 --> 00:22:26.834
I need to do something Like you need to know what is your impulses.

00:22:26.834 --> 00:22:29.440
You need to know your own impulses.

00:22:29.440 --> 00:22:31.228
You need to know your own biases.

00:22:31.228 --> 00:22:34.757
You need to know your own proclivities, right, how are you?

00:22:34.757 --> 00:22:36.580
Who are you right?

00:22:36.580 --> 00:22:39.171
And you need to spend some time in that quadrant, right.

00:22:39.250 --> 00:22:43.368
And then, once you get the who are you, we need to go to self-management and self-regulation.

00:22:43.368 --> 00:22:45.512
Okay, I got angry, right.

00:22:45.512 --> 00:22:46.935
I got hype right.

00:22:46.935 --> 00:22:49.047
I mouthed off to somebody, I did something.

00:22:49.047 --> 00:22:50.509
How do I regulate that?

00:22:50.509 --> 00:22:58.691
How do I manage that so that I'm responding in a way that is more temporal, in a way that's more productive, right?

00:22:58.691 --> 00:23:17.567
How do I present myself in this instance so that I can have that craftsmanship mentality right, so that I can be a contributor to this environment, versus taking away, because having a boss that doesn't have your best in mind isn't supportive, isn't like really helping you out, right?

00:23:17.567 --> 00:23:24.310
You are going to have to figure out on your own how to best contribute to that environment and it's going to take some time, right?

00:23:24.391 --> 00:23:35.759
And then I think, once you get those two down, then you can begin to look outside of yourself and have more empathy, which is the third quadrant, right Empathy and also social awareness, right.

00:23:35.941 --> 00:23:47.406
Once I get to empathy, then I start looking around and say, okay, how is this affecting my colleagues, how is this affecting the work of the organization, how is this affecting how we're able to move forward or not move forward?

00:23:47.406 --> 00:23:51.916
Until you get those three down, you cannot have community impact.

00:23:51.916 --> 00:24:17.913
And a lot of times we want to think that we know exactly what to do and how to make a place better and how to increase the productivity of a place, and we think, oh, if I was the boss, I know exactly what I was doing, but you haven't gotten your time of self-awareness yet, you haven't gone through any self-management, you haven't practiced any empathy yet and you haven't gone through and really developed yourself to be the person of impact that you know that place may be.

00:24:17.913 --> 00:24:19.378
So it takes time.

00:24:19.378 --> 00:24:28.189
It's not something you may be able to immediately evolve into, but you have to recognize I'm on a journey, just like this organization that I'm working in is on a journey.

00:24:29.490 --> 00:24:34.219
So I want to speak from a from a.

00:24:34.219 --> 00:24:37.246
This is this kind of thought came to me while you were talking, queda.

00:24:37.246 --> 00:24:39.689
You know we're in our middle adulting years.

00:24:39.689 --> 00:24:43.673
I'm I lead an organization, you lead a department.

00:24:43.673 --> 00:24:47.761
We are still young, right?

00:24:48.403 --> 00:24:48.864
It is.

00:24:49.724 --> 00:24:50.165
And is.

00:24:50.165 --> 00:24:56.685
We're young and I love the empathy part.

00:24:56.685 --> 00:25:02.426
I have been the leader who has not.

00:25:02.426 --> 00:25:19.140
I've definitely led a season as an organization through a difficult culture stint right Difficult, toxic culture stint and I have been a part of that and I know I have.

00:25:19.140 --> 00:25:20.974
I love what you were saying Like.

00:25:20.974 --> 00:25:27.627
The self-awareness part of that was very like you know I had to be.

00:25:27.627 --> 00:25:29.564
I didn't know myself as a leader.

00:25:29.564 --> 00:25:30.835
In reality I didn't know myself as a leader in reality.

00:25:31.036 --> 00:25:34.557
I didn't know myself as a, as an organizational leader, and I had to.

00:25:34.557 --> 00:25:37.625
I didn't realize I didn't know myself until I got there.

00:25:37.625 --> 00:25:57.404
So the team I had had to endure me getting to know myself right and go through a season where things were tough culturally a lot because I did not know who I was as a leader and so that that that's that emotional intelligence quadrant.

00:25:58.046 --> 00:26:11.134
uh is certainly uh necessary to go through for everyone the self-awareness and we have to be willing to have empathy with each other, right?

00:26:11.134 --> 00:26:23.431
So I would encourage you, if you're in a position where you're like man this thing is especially if my leader or you know my person that I answer to supervisor whatever.

00:26:23.431 --> 00:26:33.261
I think so much of this is understanding that what we're talking about.

00:26:33.261 --> 00:26:34.969
We're all human beings that are looking to contribute to something greater than us.

00:26:34.989 --> 00:26:47.842
That's the idea of a job, whatever that job might be, but we're human beings, so there are going to be moments where things don't fully function the way they need to function.

00:26:47.842 --> 00:26:52.089
However, the question is what about this human?

00:26:52.089 --> 00:26:56.038
Do I believe like?

00:26:56.038 --> 00:27:01.887
Is this human, a person who can evolve in similar ways that I'm evolving?

00:27:03.170 --> 00:27:21.950
Yeah, and ask yourself that question, because it might help you stay in a situation that maybe the day-to-day is not what you'd like it to be, maybe the tasks aren't what you want, but are the people willing to evolve?

00:27:21.950 --> 00:27:25.601
Is your supervisor a willing person to evolve?

00:27:26.020 --> 00:27:45.721
Because if that's the the case you'll be able to, like we were saying earlier, you're pulling, you will be able to pull purpose out of that place yeah if that now I will say this, and I don't, because what we're not saying is stay in a place that's life-sucking and you just drain and there's just, you can't function.

00:27:45.721 --> 00:27:46.962
That's not at all.

00:27:46.962 --> 00:27:51.836
We would never, never advise that, because I think that you do again.

00:27:51.836 --> 00:27:54.162
The self-awareness quadrant is crucial.

00:27:54.162 --> 00:28:00.442
No, you need to know like I can't be here, like this is not working for me, and that's and that's totally okay.

00:28:00.442 --> 00:28:09.958
But I do think like part of part of understanding how to pull purpose is not just about what the work is, but about who the people are around you.

00:28:10.578 --> 00:28:16.218
Because, everyone is evolving and everyone is trying to figure out how to become the best version of themselves.

00:28:16.218 --> 00:28:17.601
Let me not say they're trying to.

00:28:17.601 --> 00:28:19.023
It's an option.

00:28:19.023 --> 00:28:21.375
We have the ability to be on that path.

00:28:21.375 --> 00:28:29.442
So it's like I mean, do I see that happening and do I have the stamina to work through that?

00:28:29.442 --> 00:28:31.636
Like you were saying, queda, it takes time.

00:28:32.238 --> 00:28:44.770
I do feel like you know, obviously, compared to decades prior, the um kind of lifetime of a person, an organization or a company is much, much shorter.

00:28:44.770 --> 00:28:46.336
Right, two to three years.

00:28:46.336 --> 00:28:48.160
You're lucky if somebody stays two to three years.

00:28:48.160 --> 00:28:51.026
I do think there is.

00:28:51.026 --> 00:29:03.019
But there is value in longevity, and not just because you're trying to build a reputation, but because you learn a lot from being in a place and experiencing different cycles of an organization.

00:29:03.019 --> 00:29:12.326
Hello, my colleague and I were talking the other day and we were just kind of reminiscing on you know kind of our journey in this particular area.

00:29:12.326 --> 00:29:24.647
I and I I've been in the youth development world for 14 years and I started off at 23 when I in in 2014, we co-founded Angel Street.

00:29:25.154 --> 00:29:32.272
I couldn't have told you I couldn't have told you that that was I.

00:29:32.272 --> 00:29:32.874
Actually.

00:29:32.874 --> 00:29:37.060
I could have told you I was never planning on doing that, but in 2014,.

00:29:37.060 --> 00:29:42.269
Let's say I started in 2011, no 10.

00:29:42.269 --> 00:29:55.566
So that time I was four years in where I had that's I had been in one organization for about that long doing the work I was doing and then we co-founded something.

00:29:55.566 --> 00:30:16.644
I had four years not just of working with kids, but working with kids in a particular setting, and so I was able to transfer a lot of knowledge, and a lot of deep knowledge because of the time that I had, into how to then build on top of that.

00:30:16.644 --> 00:30:22.479
When you I think there's value in sticking through stuff.

00:30:23.380 --> 00:30:42.461
I realized a couple of years in to the, to the uh job I had at the organization I was in, that I'm really not very good at uh and managing stuff, I'm much better at creating it and but I had.

00:30:42.461 --> 00:30:43.383
I didn't have a choice.

00:30:43.383 --> 00:30:46.496
I had to manage, I had to manage volunteers, I had to keep data.

00:30:46.496 --> 00:30:47.778
I had to do all those things.

00:30:47.778 --> 00:30:58.395
And it was only after I left and the person who came in after me man, the system she had were packed, she had that thing down.

00:30:58.435 --> 00:31:02.896
I said, oh yeah, I'm not good at that, that's not what I do, that ain't what I do, but I still.

00:31:02.896 --> 00:31:17.440
I was in it, I did the best I could and then I was able to transfer that knowledge, even to the level I knew it and could do it, because I had done it, even if it wasn't great at it, I had done it and I moved it into the thing that we built.

00:31:17.440 --> 00:31:31.190
So I just I think you have, I think there's so much value in sticking through things, even if it's not feeding your passion in the moment.

00:31:31.755 --> 00:31:36.144
Yeah, and sometimes that we can get very stuck on.

00:31:36.144 --> 00:31:42.782
I want to be passionate, I want to make a difference, I want to like, like, honestly, you don't have to.

00:31:42.782 --> 00:31:45.188
That's passion.

00:31:45.188 --> 00:31:46.897
Passion is doesn't equal purpose.

00:31:46.897 --> 00:31:47.519
Those aren't the two.

00:31:47.519 --> 00:31:50.699
Those are two very different words and sometimes I think we conflate them.

00:31:50.699 --> 00:31:52.303
Passion is is very different.

00:31:52.303 --> 00:31:55.800
Passion really is a self-serving entity, like it.

00:31:55.800 --> 00:31:57.907
It's about me feeling good.

00:31:57.907 --> 00:32:04.402
Right, you disagree, bad thing.

00:32:04.402 --> 00:32:05.943
I'm not saying it's a bad thing.

00:32:06.003 --> 00:32:09.128
I think that passionate feeling can be something.

00:32:09.169 --> 00:32:10.190
It's a feeling you have?

00:32:11.515 --> 00:32:15.920
Yeah, but it's a feeling I can communicate and it motivates and inspires.

00:32:15.920 --> 00:32:17.763
I agree.

00:32:17.903 --> 00:32:27.016
I agree, I'm not saying, I got passion too, I got it, but I'm just saying passion, but your passion is different, okay, it's different.

00:32:27.016 --> 00:32:40.070
Okay, it's different, but I'm saying, like the passion that we have, unless there is some direction and purpose to it, I'm just saying they're not the same I got you, unless it's pouring out somewhere.

00:32:40.111 --> 00:32:40.353
Yeah.

00:32:40.715 --> 00:32:41.698
It's just about you.

00:32:41.698 --> 00:32:45.646
Yeah, yeah, no, okay, agree, agree, okay, cool, cool, all right.

00:32:45.646 --> 00:32:53.077
So no, I see, okay, cool, cool, all right, so quick.

00:32:53.097 --> 00:33:19.978
No, I see man, chill out, man, I'm not down a passion, I'm all about passion but not at the expense of something purposeful and so, yes, but, and so, anyway, I think this, this book again, I'm gonna do a call back to the book because it really breaks down a lot of the dangers in having having a a solely passion mindset and uh, and how, how you really aren't going to get as far as you think with that, because passion runs out, um, cause you won't always be passionate.

00:33:19.978 --> 00:33:31.328
And so sometimes, when you don't have the passion, your expertise, your craftsmanship will get you through a thing when you don't feel good about it.

00:33:31.328 --> 00:33:32.857
At least you know how to do it.

00:33:33.400 --> 00:33:37.028
So, so that you can pull the purpose you can pull the purpose.

00:33:38.196 --> 00:33:40.000
You know when you're not passionate.

00:33:40.000 --> 00:33:47.425
Even when you don't have that high emotional energy Right, you can still activate and get what needs to be done done.

00:33:47.425 --> 00:33:52.301
And I think that there is a difference when we talk about how do you know when to go versus when to stay.

00:33:52.301 --> 00:33:55.528
There is an assignment.

00:33:55.528 --> 00:34:25.760
You have to know when your assignment is up, but you have to know, you have to figure out what that is right and it's not always connected to what you're passionate about right and so, like I think that for me in different instances where I have moved it has been, I knew that my my time there was up, that I did what I was supposed to do in that, in that place and in that season I contributed to that organization, what I was supposed to contribute, and I think that that also has come.

00:34:25.840 --> 00:34:35.248
I didn't know that first job I had I said leaving was bittersweet because I believe I left prematurely but I didn't understand the pattern of who I was at that time.

00:34:35.248 --> 00:34:48.719
I didn't know that I am a person that goes in and infuses energy into a place that helps people to get the ball rolling and helps to set up structure and to set up teams and to lead teams to a place where they can really be self-sufficient.

00:34:48.719 --> 00:34:56.701
I didn't know that about myself at the time, but now that I know that about myself, you really do as you continue to work through life, you really do.

00:34:56.701 --> 00:35:10.146
You just know, you have a knowing when you have done what you were supposed to do, not when I'm tired, not when I'm frustrated, not when I'm sick of it, but when have I completed the thing that I know is in me to do in this place.

00:35:10.146 --> 00:35:17.443
And it's not always passion, it's not always what I'm passionate about, but it is what I'm assigned to do and why I'm purposed to be there.

00:35:17.443 --> 00:35:33.985
And after I've pulled purpose, when I've gone through the process of pulling purpose out of that place whether it's pulling the purpose out of myself or, as a more direct leader now pulling purpose out of other people you don't leave until your assignment is done.

00:35:34.315 --> 00:35:39.784
And I think a lot of times we leave when we're frustrated or when we're tired or when we don't feel passionate anymore.

00:35:39.784 --> 00:35:55.965
And I think you have to become aware, become self-aware enough and empathetic enough to the environment around you to be able to figure out when is my assignment done, when is the thing that I was supposed to do in this place.

00:35:55.965 --> 00:35:58.438
When can I put a check mark next to that?

00:35:58.438 --> 00:36:04.195
And until you can do that, until you recognize this is why I'm here don't leave.

00:36:04.195 --> 00:36:05.099
Get a mentor.

00:36:05.099 --> 00:36:06.782
That's the other thing I wanted to say.

00:36:06.782 --> 00:36:08.755
Your supervisor does not have to be your mentor.

00:36:08.755 --> 00:36:09.775
Your supervisor does not have to be your mentor.

00:36:09.775 --> 00:36:15.603
Your supervisor does not have to be the one that is instructing and guiding and helping you to be better at what you're doing.

00:36:15.603 --> 00:36:24.032
Find people who are at the point that you want to be at, who are doing it in a way that you respect and admire, and get time with those people.

00:36:28.934 --> 00:36:31.601
Spend time with those people, allow them to pour into you so that you can be a person of greater impact.

00:36:31.601 --> 00:36:36.878
So I want to end it with this, because, again, this is about unlearning, changing your mind so you can experience more freedom.

00:36:36.878 --> 00:36:38.701
And the reality is most people aren't free.

00:36:38.701 --> 00:36:56.155
And if you want to be like most people, keep doing what you're doing, and I just believe that you know what I'm saying, like real talk.

00:36:56.155 --> 00:36:56.896
So in regards to what we're saying.

00:36:56.896 --> 00:37:00.846
So there's another statistic that is interesting 65% of employees in the US are satisfied with their job.

00:37:00.846 --> 00:37:07.501
65%, that is a high majority of people are satisfied with their job.

00:37:09.204 --> 00:37:10.748
I want to be more than satisfied.

00:37:10.748 --> 00:37:13.737
I mean that sounds fine.

00:37:13.737 --> 00:37:17.106
But also when I hear the word satisfied, I hear that's enough.

00:37:17.106 --> 00:37:25.340
I hear like you know, I'm good, that's cool, and I just what we spend.

00:37:25.340 --> 00:37:31.047
We spend out of 24 hours in a day.

00:37:31.047 --> 00:37:36.351
We spend, on average, seven to eight hours a day.

00:37:36.351 --> 00:37:40.824
So it's about what Eight times 40 hours a week, right, that's on average.

00:37:40.824 --> 00:37:42.398
Some of us spend a lot more.

00:37:42.398 --> 00:37:43.862
Some of us may spend a little less.

00:37:43.862 --> 00:37:52.318
That's a lot of your week, and I just think it's too much of your week to settle for satisfaction of your week, and I just think it's too much of your week to settle for satisfaction.

00:37:52.318 --> 00:37:58.528
You want to be uh, I, I, I, with any work I do, if I put in what God has put in me, I want it.

00:37:58.528 --> 00:38:00.077
I want to be more than satisfied.

00:38:00.077 --> 00:38:01.000
I want to be fulfilled.

00:38:01.000 --> 00:38:02.103
It's two different things.

00:38:02.583 --> 00:38:02.844
Yeah.

00:38:03.286 --> 00:38:05.797
I don't think those are the same words, Um.

00:38:05.797 --> 00:38:18.878
And so I want to be fulfilled, but I also want to be a good steward of what I believe is my.

00:38:19.340 --> 00:38:30.166
I want to be a good steward of the gifts that I have, and I think in order to do that, we have to start shifting our mindsets on some stuff and doing what's not normal.

00:38:30.166 --> 00:38:32.579
Don't like you, don't leave when you get frustrated.

00:38:32.579 --> 00:38:44.079
Uh, don't just don't make you know, don't just be looking to go, don't just be looking to go, for you know well, they ain't paying me enough or they're making me do more than I'm supposed to be doing, or whatever.

00:38:44.079 --> 00:38:47.005
It's like hey, hey, I mean, I get it, I get it.

00:38:47.527 --> 00:39:09.326
But if you want to continue, if you want to continue to do what you are, if you want to continue to be normal, or if normal is cool, keep doing what most people are doing If you prefer something a little better than normal.

00:39:09.326 --> 00:39:15.114

Talks With Middle Adults: What Do I Do When I Don't Find Purpose In My Job

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