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Jan. 28, 2025

Talks With Middle Adults: Why Am I So Emotional?

Talks With Middle Adults: Why Am I So Emotional?
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We explore the crucial process of unlearning harmful emotional lessons ingrained in us from childhood, emphasizing the importance of emotional vulnerability. This episode dives into the impact of societal expectations and the interplay between faith and emotions while encouraging listeners to confront their emotional baggage for true healing. 

• Emphasizing the importance of emotional vulnerability 
• Discussing societal and familial influences on emotional habits 
• Clarifying the distinction between emotional transparency and vulnerability 
• Examining the complexities of faith in relation to feelings 
• Encouraging self-exploration and acceptance of emotions

Chapters

00:04 - Unlearning and Growing Through Life

05:32 - Releasing Emotions and Unlearning Strength

15:20 - Breaking Down Emotional Barriers

19:45 - Understanding Emotions and Childhood Influences

24:57 - Understanding Vulnerability vs Transparency

30:07 - Exploring Emotions and Vulnerability

35:28 - Embracing Emotional Growth and Authenticity

47:59 - Main Characters in Relationships

54:14 - Balancing Faith and Emotions

01:06:00 - Navigating Truth and Emotions Authentically

Transcript
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Hello everybody and welcome once again to the Unlearned Podcast.

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I am your host, ruth Abigail, aka RA.

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What's up folks?

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It's your girl, jaquita, and this is the podcast that's helping you gain the courage to change your mind so that we can all experience more freedom.

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And let's see, we are recording.

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It's a beautiful Saturday.

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Queda is putting in a new deck.

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Y'all I've been running today, Okay.

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You hear me Running.

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Okay, shout out to my uncle and my cousin who are out here doing home renovation projects with me.

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And yeah, and my mama was here, and you know, when your mama is at your house, there's no rest, no Sitting down, no, it's so relaxing.

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No.

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She see five million things that need to be done, and my mom is the type of person like when she see it, she want it done.

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Right then, sure, right.

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So we were going to wash my deck pillows were a little dingy because I bought white pillows because I thought it would be cute not knowing more maintenance because it's white and it's outside, and so my mom was like on me about those pillows.

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I mean, but hey, you know, I'm saying stuff get done.

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Though, like when they leave, you feel like you be accomplished.

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Yeah, you feel like I Absolutely.

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Do you ever sit and think like I mean, you are, you know, in a parental role?

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Now, you know like, sometimes I like sit and think and I'm like am I going to be like this?

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Like do you like?

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Look at yourself now and be like ah, Jacqueline, the answer is yes, you will absolutely be like that.

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It will happen, you don't know how else to be.

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You know you only know one way it's the way you know.

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It's like you know.

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My children are in for a wild ride alright, I'm telling you now.

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There are moments that sticks up on me and I'm like oh no like, no, no, but you know, I think you know, even as a middle adult, because it has to always be mentioned okay, y'all, even as a middle adult, because it has to always be mentioned, ok, y'all got to recognize as a middle adult, like when I started like I went from being like you're like a big sister, you know, to like you're like an auntie.

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Yeah, you know to like.

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You know you're just really like a mom to me.

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That's right, you know, and I realize it through each of those stages of development.

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Sure, you know, I might write a little PhD about that.

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The.

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You know the trajectory of a black woman, you know as she goes through these different tropes.

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Okay, that was a real academic world.

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Very Like, you know, yeah, like, and you know.

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But like when I became like Mama Jaquita, I'm like, hey, let me tell y'all something.

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Everybody sit down around me, gather round.

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I want to spread my wisdom.

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Jaquita.

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No, but literally that's how people I think are friends, and then when they introduce you to their friends as their mentor, you're like Hilarious.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's who I am.

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That's more than friendship.

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That's who I am, so that's that's about right.

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Well, speaking of all the family, um, uh, uh, examples and all of that, we are talking about what things we had to unlearn from our environments.

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This could be a family, this could be your community.

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This could be your community.

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This could be society, um, so, yeah, last, last time, we talked about, uh, unlearning normal, uh, and how to overcome your giant of normal.

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If you haven't looked at that, feel, uh, you know, feel free, uh, take, take a look back.

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I think it's a pretty powerful episode because, um, we really have to unlearn what normal means at different seasons of our lives, and so, yeah, that's what we talked about.

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This week we're talking about something a little different, um, and I think this week I don't know this could be a little sensitive, um, a little sensitive of a topic.

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Yeah, it's a sensitive thing to talk about.

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Yes, agreed, yeah, um, so I uh, today's saturday we're recording on a saturday, right and for, on this particular side, this is not every saturday, but on this saturday it happens to be cleaning day, uh, for the gardner household, and so, um, I did a little cleaning.

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Well, the kid has a little play area and he was tasked to clean his play area.

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Well, he comes and says, okay, hey, I'm done cleaning my play area.

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I said okay, cool, so I'll go in there.

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I look at him.

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I say what's underneath that table?

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Dude, he looked at me.

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I said what's underneath the table?

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And he gonna say, well, it's just toys.

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I say lift it up, toys too big to fit.

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He has his bins.

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It's too too big to fit in the bins.

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I said okay, we'll lift it up here.

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I see paper, cardboard, all this trash.

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I see this whole thing.

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I said I wanted the floor clean.

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He had a pile of stuff in the corner that was smaller than the pile that he started with and he had stuffed some of the rest of it in the corner that was smaller than the pile that he started with and he had stuffed some of the rest of it under the table.

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And then there was other stuff, stuff underneath, he going to say I said no, sir.

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I said I wanted a clean floor.

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You're not done.

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He proceeded to take literally the next few hours to do it, did it all by himself, just came from in there before we started recording, recording clean floor.

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And I said what'd you learn from this dude?

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He said I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, clean it as I go.

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And this, I think, is an excellent way to begin this conversation.

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That's good.

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So what we're talking about today is unlearning what we've had to, the things we learned about emotions growing up and how many of us wish we'd have just cleaned as we went.

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Y'all.

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She didn't tell me that one that's not in the notes, Okay, she, I was wondering cause she looked like she looked like she was sitting on something.

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She didn't tell me she had a lead in like that.

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Oh my Lord, yes, Lord, it's going to be a good one y'all.

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How many of us?

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wish we would have cleaned up as we went, Because now you're older, you're going to learn all these possibly unhealthy ways of dealing with emotions and now you got to unpack that and look underneath and clean it and throw away the trash and it's taking you a long time to do it right, girl, girl, no, but for real you don't even realize like that.

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You have been stuffing stuff for so long.

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You know how people say I just have layers, right, but some of your layers really need to be discarded, like these are not layers, that, like you, have been stuffing trash underneath things and hiding things and suppressing things Correct, instead of getting it out and keeping a clean vessel.

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And so you know, I feel like as middle adults, you really get to a point where it really is kind of like you're at a crossroads and you get to a point where it's either I'm going to deal with this or I'm going to allow it to prevent me from prospering.

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That's right, because you really will get to a point where I can't carry this any further.

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Sorry, a biblical example just came to mind.

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Come on, I'm going to sneak it in there.

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We're not going to belabor the point, but the example that came to mind was Abraham and Lot.

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You know, abraham left his home of origin, right, and he wasn't supposed to take anything with him, but he brought Lot with him.

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Oh boy, he said hey, lot, my boy, you coming with Right.

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But then they got to the point they went as far as they could go together because they were at odds with one another Abraham's servants over here fighting with Lot's servants and they were not going to both be able to prosper in the same land.

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You have to know that your old you and your new.

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You are not both going to be able to prosper in the same land and you are going to have to make a decision.

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I want to continue to be set back by the old me and I'm going to end up in a place that I'm going to have to, that I'm going to end up that's going to burn Lot ended up in Sodom and Gomorrah, which ended up burning Like you're going to end up in a place where everything that you didn't deal with is going to come to the forefront and overtake you.

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Or do you want to give the new you a chance to prosper, but until you do the cleanup work, you won't be able to um to operate in your new season.

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So so much of that of that work is is internal, is with you, is with your heart and how you handle your heart, how you handle emotions, and so we want to share a little, a few things that we had to unlearn about that few things that we had to unlearn about that, particularly because it's what we were either like taught or just like saw.

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You know what I mean.

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So it may not have been something anybody specifically said, but it's what you observed and so you learned from that.

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Right, this is how I handle things, and we all have that Like.

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We all have those things Again, whether it's directly from your family or just from your community and the environment you were brought up in.

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Like you learn and pick up on certain things that then become habits that you then, you know, you weave into the rest of your life, and then you get to a season maybe that's the season you're in today where you're like this doesn't feel like it's helping me anymore.

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This is not.

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I'm not.

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I'm stuck, but I don't know what else to do because I don't know how.

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What I saw, this, this is all I know to do.

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So we want to share some of the things that we had to unlearn about how we handle our emotions and what we believe about emotions.

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Okay, so where to even begin?

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I know right, I know.

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Like for real, honestly, like when we were going, when I was writing in this, this didn't, this actually didn't take long, like it just kind of flow it flow yeah.

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Flow.

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That's what it is.

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I don't know what was happening, but it flowed.

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It didn't take long to come out because I realized, like these are really, these are, these are major things like.

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This is not.

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These aren't small things.

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So yeah, what, what, and I think it's something that we've been actively working on.

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Yeah, yeah, for sure, 100, yeah, 100 um.

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So, queda, why don't you go what you got?

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What's something you had to learn All?

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right.

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I think the first thing that we need to address is the sister soldier that's in all of us.

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My.

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Lord, this, this idea of being a strong woman, right.

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And I think that I saw my mom, single mom, raising two girls, working as many jobs as she had to, you know, doing everything.

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I saw everything but like an emotionally vulnerable piece, and so I think that part of me I wouldn't say that I'm a highly emotional person, I would but I would say that that is probably the case because I grew up learning to numb and self-soothe pain instead of identifying and addressing it, and so I think that one of the things that I had to unlearn, especially in my thirties.

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It became a huge deal and I would, I dare say it was really after 35, like I think 30 was when I started saying, huh, these emotions are not going anywhere.

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It does not matter how many times I try to push them to the side, it doesn't matter how much I try to pretend like they're not there.

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They are there.

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And I was living so much with all of this kind of accumulated pain and, you know, suffering and sometimes anger and sometimes sadness, sometimes a lot a load of disappointment, right.

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But I had to learn to really take a step back and say you don't have to be this quote unquote strong woman that continues to push and, push and push and get things done and never feel your feelings.

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And so I had to learn and it took.

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It took a while.

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It took a while for me to be able to step back from a situation because I had been so out of practice from actually having emotional reactions to things that I was not able to identify what emotions was coming up in different situations.

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Right, so, like I would, I would never, you know.

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I think people who probably knew me in my twenties and early thirties was like she don't really get angry.

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You know I have a righteous indignation about the Lord.

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Okay, they probably saw that.

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You know, if it was something about Jesus, I was like oh wait a minute, I might've flipped the table at two in my day, for my Lord.

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Okay.

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But when it came to me I was always like oh no, that's okay, oh no, I'm fine, yeah, I'm good.

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Oh no, I'm not sad, and I, you know.

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And I had to learn to one take a step back and say no, jaquita, how did that really hit you, so that I could identify the emotions.

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Then I had to get past my intellectual self, because I am very much an intellectual person and I can intellectualize and rationalize.

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And I would call Ruth and Joy and all my other friends and I would just sit there and I would talk about my feelings and I'd be like yeah you know, I think I'm angry.

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I think I'm angry.

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Yeah, I might be angry, but I didn't feel it.

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Right.

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Yeah, so I had to move from identifying it to being, like, I'm not mad about that and it was wrong.

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You know, you don't be held accountable, right and but.

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That took such a process for me to be able to, to feel, to feel like I was even worthy of that process, to even be able to have feelings that show up in public spaces public spaces.

00:14:27.961 --> 00:14:30.427
I'm glad you mentioned that public piece because this is something that we we shared.

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And as specifically, um, I just tagged this on like I had to unlearn that, um, holding back tears publicly made me strong and I, I cause I, I can't say I haven't, I don't cry and I don't release by myself, but it's around others or in a like publicly.

00:14:50.812 --> 00:15:09.003
It's like I, it's like you want to maintain this of strength, right, and so I don't.

00:15:09.003 --> 00:15:09.644
It's interesting that that is.

00:15:09.644 --> 00:15:13.035
I think we both share that, like you said, like that's, there's this, there's this need to feel strong.

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Where do you like I?

00:15:15.620 --> 00:15:19.541
I feel like I, I definitely was.

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I admired my father a lot and I could count the number of hands that I see my father cry, um, and I'd seen him be down, I'd seen him, you know, you know, be solemn or just not, but but not cry and uh, and and when he did it, it I just didn't even know how to handle it and I think I kind of took that and um, and I think I kind of took that and really modeled myself after that.

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It's like, well, you know, I'm like my dad, you know everybody, and everybody used to tell me that, so we don't even have to go, we're never going to go down that road.

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But everybody used to say to me all the time you're just like your father, just like your father, just like your father.

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And so in my head, I'm thinking I have to do everything like him, including hold my tears.

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Wow, right, like that was something that I felt like I needed to do.

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And, um, my mom has never had a problem releasing her emotions, ever.

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My mother, you were going to know exactly how she feels and cause she's what, and she'll tell you like I, uh, I get it out and then I'm done, I don't, I don't hold on to stuff, and and so she, she and my father are opposite that way, and I I do have the tendency to hold on um to things and not release them immediately, but even more so because, it's like you know, people say I'm like my dad, I want to be like my dad.

00:16:41.293 --> 00:16:43.600
Um, I don't cry.

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My dad don't cry, wow you know I mean and that I had to unlearn that because, just like, not crying doesn't make you, doesn't make you strong, um what about your dad?

00:16:56.628 --> 00:16:58.854
did you admire that?

00:16:58.854 --> 00:17:01.740
You thought was like connected to the not crying piece.

00:17:02.022 --> 00:17:12.903
I think it was how other people held him, the regard that other people held him in, and that he seemed to be the place where other people came.

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And it's like if you feel, if, if I feel like I don't have, if I don't, if I don't seem like I have it together, then how can I be there for other people?

00:17:23.392 --> 00:17:25.135
You know what I mean.

00:17:25.135 --> 00:17:36.115
So if I have this perception of, well, she's just gonna break down, well, I can't, I can't count on her to be strong, so I, I gotta, I need somebody who can, who I can be strong around.

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And so I think in the back of my head that may have been playing itself out like people don't, people don't rely on people who don't have it together wow, wow and see, I think for me the thing that was the kind of like mantra that was going through my head was that, like, you have to rely on yourself, and so I was trying to be strong for me, like, yes, for other people too.

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But I was like, hey, if you break down, there may not be a way to put you back together, and I think that that's always been like something that was kind of like like an undercurrent, even in the ways that, like I, like built friendships and built relationships, the ways I related to, like my parents and everyone else, it was a hey, if you, if you break down, there's nobody going to be able to put the pieces back together.

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And so I think that there was something internally that was like hold it together, hold it together, hold it together, hold it together.

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But you get to a point where things around you start crumbling and you have to like go back and find that inner thing.

00:18:52.377 --> 00:19:02.327
But I think it's important, even as we're continuing to have this conversation about kind of like you know, emotional vulnerability, how we found it, how we've grown in it.

00:19:02.327 --> 00:19:19.863
You know, and for everyone listening is that you have to figure out what is kind of like that, that that thing that you have believed, that has built, you know, entire structures and understandings about how you relate to other people.

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What is the thing that you believe that has kept you from really being able to dig deeper into your emotions?

00:19:27.231 --> 00:19:45.275
And for me it definitely was like there is not going to be anyone that's going to come, that's going to be able to help you, and so and you know, and it sounds like for you you were like I won't be respected yeah if I express that emotions like that's and that and and what's.

00:19:45.474 --> 00:19:53.193
What's interesting is you know, there's a quote that I, I've, I think I've said it before and I it's just.

00:19:53.193 --> 00:19:55.547
It's a quote my father shared with me years ago.

00:19:55.547 --> 00:19:58.173
That just stuck with me.

00:19:58.173 --> 00:19:59.596
Don't know who said it.

00:19:59.596 --> 00:20:01.311
It's a psychologist.

00:20:01.311 --> 00:20:15.519
Nobody's really credited to a specific person, but he's credited to a psychologist that says children are great imitators of their fathers, but terrible, terrible interpreters.

00:20:17.326 --> 00:20:18.969
Yeah, I've heard that, but that's good.

00:20:19.170 --> 00:20:28.532
Yeah, and I think that has a lot to do with we see and we do, but we don't understand, right.

00:20:28.532 --> 00:20:34.367
And so in my case I see that and it's like I want to be respected.

00:20:34.367 --> 00:20:39.425
Don't cry, because it makes you seem weak and you people don't respect people who are weak.

00:20:39.425 --> 00:20:56.315
But I don't know how much crying my father has done outside of my presence to make him respected because he understands people, not just because he's strong, because he understands people, because he's cried too, and that's what didn't.

00:20:56.476 --> 00:20:58.884
I don't know that because when I'm growing up, all I see is he doesn't cry.

00:20:58.884 --> 00:21:00.198
But I don't know that because when I'm growing up, all I see is he doesn't cry.

00:21:00.198 --> 00:21:03.440
But I don't know how he got to the place he got.

00:21:03.440 --> 00:21:06.142
There was a lot of crying.

00:21:06.142 --> 00:21:11.330
That happened, um, and so I think that's just like to your point.

00:21:11.330 --> 00:21:19.016
I mean, we have to be so careful not to pick up truth just from observation, with no understanding.

00:21:20.267 --> 00:21:21.952
I don't know why that hit me, but it did.

00:21:21.952 --> 00:21:28.498
Even in thinking about my own life, I saw the work my mom did.

00:21:28.498 --> 00:21:34.377
I don't know what was going on internally because I did not even as a child.

00:21:34.377 --> 00:21:42.125
If I had seen it, I don't know how I would have processed it, you know, and so there's a lot.

00:21:42.125 --> 00:21:43.789
Even you know.

00:21:43.990 --> 00:21:46.414
The Bible says that we see in part.

00:21:46.414 --> 00:21:48.239
It also says we prophesy in part.

00:21:48.239 --> 00:21:52.974
But I think it's important to know that, like, what you are seeing is not yours.

00:21:52.974 --> 00:21:57.693
You can never see the entire picture because we don't see as God sees.

00:21:57.693 --> 00:22:04.305
That's right, and so you know it was also only in my 30s that I really started having real conversations with my parents.

00:22:04.305 --> 00:22:06.391
That helped me to understand.

00:22:06.391 --> 00:22:09.749
Like I had conversations with my dad and I was like, wait a minute, what?

00:22:09.749 --> 00:22:12.237
What happened to your child?

00:22:12.237 --> 00:22:17.654
Yeah, what you endured, what you went through, what, and it gave it opened up.

00:22:17.654 --> 00:22:23.051
I mean rooms and rooms and rooms of understanding for me.

00:22:23.051 --> 00:22:40.597
But like I didn't have that information as a child and so everything that I processed emotionally from you know, experiences and relationships you only I was processing with half the information you know that's not to remove accountability in anyone's situation.

00:22:40.858 --> 00:22:45.296
Right, you know, but realize you don't know the whole story.

00:22:45.336 --> 00:23:01.887
Man look, you don't know the whole story and even after all that he's told me, I'm like there's still so many layers that I still you know what I'm saying, I still don't know, you know, still, you know what I'm saying, I still don't know.

00:23:01.887 --> 00:23:02.128
You know, um.

00:23:02.128 --> 00:23:09.907
But I think one thing I want to make sure I uh, I point out, when it comes to um, what I was saying about not being able to identify my feelings.

00:23:09.907 --> 00:23:16.791
For there may be some other people, you know, I always tell people everyone looks different when they get overwhelmed, right.

00:23:16.791 --> 00:23:21.489
You have some people who get overwhelmed and they scream, fuss and fight, right.

00:23:21.489 --> 00:23:27.849
And they are like really, really, they start articulating that I'm tired, I'm sick of this, I don't want to be here.

00:23:27.849 --> 00:23:32.126
Then you have other people who get really quiet, withdrawn, right.

00:23:32.227 --> 00:23:56.489
I know for me, when I feel overwhelmed, I get stuck, it's like I can't, I can't produce when I'm, when I have too much sitting up here, and part of the uh, the thing I had to do was especially with understanding being emotionally overwhelmed, meaning you're overloaded with feelings that you don't always understand and that you can't yet express.

00:23:56.489 --> 00:24:01.278
I again, before I say anything, I just want to reiterate we are not counselors.

00:24:01.278 --> 00:24:03.854
We are just middle adults.

00:24:03.854 --> 00:24:06.730
We've been out here, that's it Living life.

00:24:07.005 --> 00:24:09.791
We have no degrees in counseling or psychology.

00:24:09.791 --> 00:24:10.554
I ain't got it.

00:24:10.554 --> 00:24:11.316
None of that.

00:24:11.316 --> 00:24:13.541
Nope, I got a divinity degree though.

00:24:13.541 --> 00:24:15.527
Yeah, I have a communications degree.

00:24:15.527 --> 00:24:17.529
I'm degreed to play and I'm music.

00:24:17.529 --> 00:24:20.914
Come on, you know break out Ruth's a worshiper.

00:24:20.914 --> 00:24:24.519
Well, amen, I could talk a little bit A Levite, if you will.

00:24:24.519 --> 00:24:27.281
Goodbye, jaquita, Keep going with your story.

00:24:27.281 --> 00:24:27.605
I'm sorry.

00:24:28.969 --> 00:24:33.047
I really only said that to get on her nerves, but listen, okay.

00:24:33.047 --> 00:24:39.932
So listen, nothing we saying here is going to take the place of any good counselor.

00:24:39.932 --> 00:24:48.582
Now, a good one, a good counselor, you know what I'm saying Pastoral counseling, christian counseling, regular counseling, therapy, all of the things right.

00:24:48.582 --> 00:25:24.554
But I will encourage you to whatever is going to be kind of your next step, to seek out something that's going to help you to understand your emotional depth and how you are going to begin processing and and addressing the things that are on the inside of you Because, like we said, you know it's a lot of stuff we've been stuffing under the table, that we've been hiding in boxes and in closets and and sorry, I got stuck coming out the closet, you know in the M and M song.

00:25:28.181 --> 00:25:29.083
But anyways, we you.

00:25:29.083 --> 00:25:35.957
There's so much stuff that we've been storing and you need help processing those things, you know.

00:25:35.957 --> 00:25:38.509
So I just want to take a moment to encourage you.

00:25:38.509 --> 00:25:50.809
It doesn't matter how mild you believe your situation is, I guarantee you when you start digging you'll be like dang, okay, I got some things to work on here.

00:25:51.269 --> 00:26:02.207
Yeah, you do, you do for sure More than you believe, do, uh for sure more than you believe.

00:26:02.207 --> 00:26:13.085
Um, I, I think, I think this is a good, I want to, I want to bring up another unlearning that I had that, um, I think, connects to what you're saying, and that's this idea of vulnerability, because I think we, we, we get it, uh, we get it confused with transparency.

00:26:13.085 --> 00:26:24.932
So, um, like you said, identifying something like this is what it is, I'm identifying it and that is so.

00:26:24.932 --> 00:26:27.994
So, one of the things I had to learn, number one the transparency.

00:26:27.994 --> 00:26:54.010
And because they're experts, but just in the best way, we know how right Transparency is like I think I've heard oh man, I hope I don't mess this up I think I've heard it said like this Transparency is like looking through a window and vulnerability is like looking in a mirror.

00:26:55.355 --> 00:26:55.556
Okay.

00:26:56.486 --> 00:26:58.093
And so I think that's right.

00:26:58.093 --> 00:27:02.185
We're going to go with that for right now, but yeah we're going to keep.

00:27:02.185 --> 00:27:03.148
Well, we'll keep going.

00:27:03.148 --> 00:27:06.086
If that doesn't make sense, hopefully this next thing will like.

00:27:06.086 --> 00:27:07.288
But?

00:27:07.288 --> 00:27:12.997
But essentially, transparency is releasing like that's the.

00:27:12.997 --> 00:27:19.273
There is stuff that is true, that has happened, that you release and you make known.

00:27:19.273 --> 00:27:20.236
That is.

00:27:20.236 --> 00:27:21.097
That is.

00:27:21.097 --> 00:27:22.326
That is transparency.

00:27:22.326 --> 00:27:38.237
Vulnerability is the act of allowing yourself to be exposed right so that other people have access to what you have been protected because of those things that you've released.

00:27:38.837 --> 00:27:41.373
Come on, it ain't vulnerable if you ain't been protecting it.

00:27:41.726 --> 00:27:51.651
No like that's the difference and it's like, hey, you can release stuff and you can still release, but still protect you in the process.

00:27:51.651 --> 00:27:57.695
I could tell you things that have happened but not be open to your response to that.

00:27:57.695 --> 00:27:59.419
I'm not vulnerable.

00:27:59.419 --> 00:28:08.288
So what I had to unlearn is that releasing, just simply releasing things and releasing your emotions makes you vulnerable.

00:28:08.288 --> 00:28:09.673
That's not true.

00:28:09.673 --> 00:28:10.894
It doesn't make you vulnerable.

00:28:10.894 --> 00:28:15.112
You have to understand what's behind the emotion.

00:28:15.874 --> 00:28:20.526
Like you got to go deeper, right, um, I remember me and Queen were talking about that.

00:28:20.526 --> 00:28:57.259
We talked about this a while back and this is, um, I feel like we'd be repeating stuff, queen, because I feel like we said this on the pod before, early on, but maybe it's a conversation me and you had and we were talking about, like this, um, like you know, you get into a point where you're you're wanting to be more vulnerable, right, and uh, describing like there is a um, you know there's stuff on the inside and, like you, you're like, okay, I'm, I'm getting old, but then there's this little like safe in the corner and there's a key to that safe and the vulnerability is unlocking the safe, even though there's all this other stuff around it.

00:28:57.259 --> 00:29:03.798
It's like it's like the difference between, okay, with, like, you robbing a bank and just robbing the teller, or you're going to the vault.

00:29:03.798 --> 00:29:08.623
Okay, I'm just I can't think of anything better but it's like why we gotta be robbing.

00:29:08.623 --> 00:29:09.045
I'm sorry.

00:29:09.045 --> 00:29:10.788
Okay, all right, I don't know what.

00:29:10.788 --> 00:29:12.392
It didn't need to be robbed, you're right.

00:29:12.593 --> 00:29:15.726
True, but the good stuff is in the vault.

00:29:15.726 --> 00:29:21.218
Yes, it's not behind the desk, okay, and so you know.

00:29:21.218 --> 00:29:28.771
So you have to be brave enough to get to the vault, and we talked about that, and it's just like, hey, there's, yeah, this is good, but what's?

00:29:28.771 --> 00:29:29.272
What's?

00:29:29.272 --> 00:29:33.569
What's in the vault and what's behind the thing that you're releasing?

00:29:34.672 --> 00:30:06.780
And that's where your vulnerability comes and that's that's really the emotion that has to be dealt with, um is what's behind the information that you're releasing let's just call them suitors Things that I've tried and they're like, yeah, I'm a really vulnerable person you won't find anyone more vulnerable than me and I'm like you're very transparent.

00:30:06.780 --> 00:30:18.173
You tell a lot of stories, you're a great storyteller, but you are not really unpacking how this has really affected.

00:30:18.173 --> 00:30:22.548
You Affect affected emotions Like you have not really.

00:30:22.548 --> 00:30:27.578
You have you are not really forthright with what's going on internally.

00:30:27.578 --> 00:30:33.817
You don't mind telling your business to make it, but that's almost to throw you off Right.

00:30:33.817 --> 00:30:36.721
And and people do that People trauma dump.

00:30:36.721 --> 00:30:40.391
Yeah, people you know, like they, they can't wait to tell somebody about.

00:30:40.391 --> 00:30:46.169
You know what they've been through and you know everything that happened to them, but you're not really.

00:30:46.169 --> 00:30:48.173
That's not unpacking.

00:30:48.173 --> 00:30:50.590
Yeah, that's showing me what's in the case.

00:30:50.811 --> 00:30:50.972
Yeah.

00:30:51.105 --> 00:31:20.325
Hey, come over here and look at this case, look at everything in there, and when I reach in and be like, hey, let's take that out, no-transcript.

00:31:20.325 --> 00:31:27.848
You know, like I'm like you, in order for this to be a very vulnerable moment, you have to escort me in.

00:31:27.848 --> 00:31:28.431
Yes.

00:31:28.471 --> 00:31:29.173
To your vault.

00:31:29.232 --> 00:31:30.056
Do not make me.

00:31:30.056 --> 00:31:32.191
I can't break down the door myself.

00:31:32.191 --> 00:31:34.036
Right, you have you.

00:31:34.036 --> 00:31:37.573
You know they got the vaults with the big locks that go like that.

00:31:37.573 --> 00:31:42.493
Look like you know steering wheels and you want me to break down the wall to get into your?

00:31:42.493 --> 00:31:55.373
No, you have to escort somebody else in and you have to give them the key and you have to allow them to have a key to you, and y'all have to experience vulnerability as a shared experience.

00:31:55.613 --> 00:31:56.375
Yes, really good.

00:31:56.494 --> 00:31:57.356
You get what I'm saying.

00:31:57.356 --> 00:31:59.384
That's great Because it's an exposure.

00:31:59.384 --> 00:32:16.107
Yeah, it is being exposed and I think that if you have not done the work yourself to really begin to unpack yourself what's in there, it is going to be difficult for you to explain to somebody else what's in your vault.

00:32:16.107 --> 00:32:19.477
You know, I don't know if anyone watches Manifest.

00:32:19.477 --> 00:32:21.228
It's a.

00:32:21.228 --> 00:32:24.196
I think it's like four or five series on Netflix.

00:32:24.196 --> 00:32:31.037
It's the series about the airplane and they come back and they've been lost for five years and right.

00:32:31.085 --> 00:32:36.532
But there's a one episode where they're walking into, they're walking this man who seems really troubled.

00:32:36.532 --> 00:32:39.406
He was holding up a bank and he was like take me to the vault.

00:32:39.406 --> 00:32:40.170
And they got the vault.

00:32:40.170 --> 00:32:42.486
Finally, they get the vault open and they're looking.

00:32:42.486 --> 00:32:44.672
They're like look, there's your money, I don't care about this money.

00:32:44.672 --> 00:32:59.484
And he pulls out like a wristwatch and he starts boohoo, crying and they all looking at him like and then he tells the story about how his grandfather was saved in World War II because because he had that, uh, that thing in his pocket, in his breast pocket.

00:32:59.484 --> 00:33:02.029
And it's like nobody else.

00:33:02.530 --> 00:33:09.111
If I go in and look in your vault, I'm just gonna see plain things, I'm gonna okay, there's I.

00:33:09.111 --> 00:33:11.938
Nobody else is gonna be able to tell you what this stuff means.

00:33:11.938 --> 00:33:14.789
Yeah, you are gonna be able to have.

00:33:14.789 --> 00:33:22.227
You are gonna have to be able to articulate what's in your vault and not just, hey, I let you in.

00:33:22.227 --> 00:33:23.990
No, no, baby.

00:33:23.990 --> 00:33:24.250
What?

00:33:24.250 --> 00:33:26.776
This is a random little.

00:33:26.776 --> 00:33:27.979
Why is this so important?

00:33:27.979 --> 00:33:29.207
Did your mama throw this at you?

00:33:29.207 --> 00:33:30.550
What happened?

00:33:30.550 --> 00:33:32.275
Why is this impactful to you?

00:33:32.275 --> 00:33:35.209
You have to be able to articulate this is.

00:33:35.368 --> 00:34:06.161
This was the significance of this to me and this is why I've been holding it so so close um and trying to secure it um a good a good uh, a good resource to help unpack, uh, your vault and to name it uh is is, if you haven't heard, um, the emotion wheel, the wheel of emotions, okay, and cause, sometimes it's hard to identify what the actual emotion is.

00:34:06.161 --> 00:34:10.231
I mean, there's so many different emotions and we really only talk about a handful of them.

00:34:10.231 --> 00:34:17.472
Um, but what, what you might have classified as sadness, might actually be disappointment.

00:34:17.472 --> 00:34:35.106
What you, um, what you may have classified as anger, may actually have been, um, pride, um, or you know, uh, or anxiety, or something that there, it's something that you don't, you don't, we don't often talk use.

00:34:35.126 --> 00:34:35.987
The language of.

00:34:35.987 --> 00:34:38.193
That can help, so you can Google it.

00:34:38.193 --> 00:34:40.184
It's a million different types of them.

00:34:40.184 --> 00:35:01.626
But look at it and like, if you're like, hey, I need to, I need to name this, I need to begin to identify what's really behind this stuff so that you know what it really is, and then, like was saying the um, the story behind it becomes, becomes more apparent, right, uh, as opposed to, that made me sad.

00:35:01.626 --> 00:35:05.094
You weren't really sad, you know your expectation wasn't met.

00:35:05.094 --> 00:35:11.275
Like that's deeper than sadness, like you were deeply disappointed and like what does that lead to?

00:35:11.275 --> 00:35:17.085
So, just, you know, I'm sure, some, a lot of you have heard of it, but you may not use it, you may not look at it.

00:35:17.085 --> 00:35:22.018
It's really really helpful, um, really helpful to really get some different language around different emotions.

00:35:22.445 --> 00:35:27.730
Yeah, and I'll definitely say that that was one of the things that helped me to learn how to like.

00:35:27.730 --> 00:35:33.608
I would just be sitting there and I'd be like I feel big feelings, yeah, I don't know what it is.

00:35:33.608 --> 00:35:37.072
And then I would go and I'd be like okay, which one of these bigger words match?

00:35:37.072 --> 00:35:37.934
Okay, it's anger.

00:35:37.934 --> 00:35:40.697
Okay, out of anger, out of the ones under anger.

00:35:40.697 --> 00:35:42.000
Okay, I'm frustrated.

00:35:42.000 --> 00:35:43.947
Yeah, right, and then it.

00:35:43.947 --> 00:35:46.072
That helps you to better navigate the moment.

00:35:46.072 --> 00:35:47.597
Yes, that's good.

00:35:48.425 --> 00:35:50.333
Um Quido, what's up?

00:35:50.333 --> 00:35:52.166
What's something else you've had to unlearn?

00:35:52.186 --> 00:35:54.090
Okay, okay, okay.

00:35:54.090 --> 00:36:01.360
So I I think I have talked about this before, but it's it's always worth mentioning.

00:36:01.360 --> 00:36:12.246
Um, I had to unlearn being positive, patty.

00:36:12.246 --> 00:36:13.588
Oh, I was, I was silver lining McGee out here.

00:36:13.588 --> 00:36:14.009
Okay, I was, you know.

00:36:14.009 --> 00:36:19.657
Hey, everything is rainbows and sunshine, okay, all the time.

00:36:19.657 --> 00:36:35.934
And when people would present me with hard situations, I would immediately try to flip it for them and say, hey, you know, but it's really not that bad, because when you look at it this way, it's going to work for your good.

00:36:35.934 --> 00:36:37.536
Yeah, there you go.

00:36:38.036 --> 00:36:56.460
I have been like that since childhood, and one thing that I really began unpacking as we were preparing for this episode is is that I internalized thinking that being positive is what made people want to keep me around Right.

00:36:56.460 --> 00:37:09.708
People want to keep me around Right, and so that, like as long as my mission in life became make them smile, make them feel good about themselves, and then they won't try to push you out, or they will.

00:37:09.708 --> 00:37:15.938
They will always feel a need for you because you are the positive person.

00:37:15.938 --> 00:37:21.527
And so I really built kind of like an emotional life around.

00:37:21.527 --> 00:37:23.472
I'm going one way or another.

00:37:23.472 --> 00:37:44.123
We're going to flip it and people are going to leave an encounter with me feeling great about their situation, and it took me a while to trust the integrity of my relationships enough to tell people the whole truth.

00:37:44.123 --> 00:37:44.784
That's good.

00:37:44.905 --> 00:38:00.012
It's not that what I was saying wasn't true, because I still, you know, I'm a person that's of great hope and I'm always excited and hopeful and I really do find a positive thing, the positive side of things and hopeful, and I really do find the positive thing, the positive side of things.

00:38:00.012 --> 00:38:19.981
But I, I think in my middle adult years, I started being able to hand people a full picture and say, hey, it's hard right now and, yes, this sucks, and yes, what they did was wrong, and you have every right to feel the way that you feel.

00:38:19.981 --> 00:38:40.818
But and you know what I'm saying Like I was able to give a more layered response because I wasn't, I wasn't looking for I, I, I didn't need from the interaction, reinforcement and and my emotions kind of a massage.

00:38:40.818 --> 00:38:47.137
Yeah, I was able to serve because I learned that, like you're more than just positive.

00:38:48.300 --> 00:38:53.646
Yeah, um, I think you said something really key is you had to trust the integrity of your relationships.

00:38:53.646 --> 00:38:55.628
That's really really.

00:38:55.628 --> 00:38:57.690
That's really really, man.

00:38:57.690 --> 00:39:29.693
That is key, because how many of us temper our emotions based on the reaction from others, because you're unsure of what that's going to bring, because you're really unsure about the relationship you don't know Right, and I think that's that's such a and we, and again, those are things we learned how to do, based on how we just grew up and began to manage ourselves emotionally.

00:39:29.693 --> 00:39:37.831
Like this is this is this is what I can, um, I I have to make sure that this relationship remains intact.

00:39:37.831 --> 00:39:45.215
So I learned how to manage my emotions around that, their responses and that's.

00:39:45.496 --> 00:39:46.278
that's a big deal.

00:39:46.278 --> 00:40:03.695
I think that I think that even as we're talking about, you know, like kind of these, uh, kitchen table topics and things that, like, you've learned from your family of origin, right, A lot of what you learned and a lot of the ways that you, you know how people say just this, just the way I am.

00:40:04.076 --> 00:40:07.027
Right, what made you that way, man?

00:40:07.027 --> 00:40:08.351
What made you that way?

00:40:08.391 --> 00:40:20.021
Come on, because maybe you don't have to be that way and maybe maybe after you're done unpacking, you might look around and be like this is actually not who I am.

00:40:20.021 --> 00:40:21.184
No, that's right.

00:40:21.184 --> 00:40:21.746
You know.

00:40:21.746 --> 00:40:35.534
What was really interesting is when I was back in high school, like if you had asked anybody like what they like what their impression of me was, they would have said something like oh yeah, jaquita, like she's kind of quiet, she's shy, she doesn't talk a lot.

00:40:35.534 --> 00:40:41.934
You know like she is, you know bubbly around her friends, but you know she's a little bit more introverted, right.

00:40:41.934 --> 00:40:45.695
Anybody who knew me in college would be like who are you talking about?

00:40:45.695 --> 00:40:47.391
Because that is not Jaquita.

00:40:47.945 --> 00:40:55.025
But when I was in high school I was surrounded by friends who were kind of popular, like they were out there, everybody loved them, right.

00:40:55.166 --> 00:41:01.878
And I was also fighting a lot of insecurities and fighting this idea of being too much.

00:41:03.146 --> 00:41:32.797
Somebody called me intimidating one day and that just completely rocked my world and I was shrinking and I was getting smaller and smaller and smaller until I started kind of looking up under the table and in the boxes and in the places where I had hid all the things, that I started trying really exploring who I was and allowing myself to be outgoing and vibrant and you know, and a big and take up space.

00:41:32.797 --> 00:41:46.331
And I remember the summer after high school I went to a friend's house and it was a bunch of people over there and I was over there cracking jokes and you know, being myself, and they were like we didn't know you talk, we didn't know you were funny.

00:41:46.331 --> 00:41:50.405
Like, didn't know I was funny, imagine Right.

00:41:50.405 --> 00:41:54.313
But like they, they were absolutely like in shock.

00:41:54.313 --> 00:42:11.052
And that's when I realized, like who you are today, when you start unpacking that stuff that you've been stuffing away and what you've been trying to suppress, you would be surprised at who you actually end up being.

00:42:11.393 --> 00:42:20.335
So, all of these people who try to get us to accept the version of you that has not gone through a process.

00:42:20.335 --> 00:42:21.759
We're looking at you.

00:42:21.759 --> 00:42:29.056
Sometimes you have people who are looking at you and they're like no, there's more there, there's more to you than what you're presenting we just got to again.

00:42:29.056 --> 00:42:32.693
Emotional vulnerability is going to be the key that will begin unlocking.

00:42:33.835 --> 00:42:51.195
Yeah, um, can we uh, yes, I, I think, uh, this is interesting because what you, what sometimes, uh, we call, we call our, the personality traits.

00:42:51.195 --> 00:43:02.663
Our personality traits that we, um, that we identify with, our personality traits that we identify with, are really, uh, products of dysfunction.

00:43:02.663 --> 00:43:22.059
And so, when we begin to be more functional and when we begin to actually become more healthy, a lot of sometimes those personality traits begin to shift and you have to allow yourself to be reintroduced to the healthy version of you.

00:43:23.121 --> 00:43:25.023
Hmm, yeah.

00:43:25.204 --> 00:43:28.092
Which can be, which can be weird.

00:43:28.092 --> 00:43:38.492
Sometimes it could be like you know a little and it could be weird for other people because they're not used to the and they don't necessarily know that it's unhealthy, right.

00:43:38.733 --> 00:43:40.320
Not just weird, challenging.

00:43:40.460 --> 00:43:41.264
Challenging Cause.

00:43:41.264 --> 00:43:44.547
They've gotten to know you a certain way and like, like.

00:43:44.547 --> 00:44:11.009
For you, quina, like you were saying, if you could imagine you being the quiet version of yourself, the quiet person you really didn't say a whole lot, and so the people around you, and then all of a sudden you turn into somebody who has a lot more life, energy, more outgoing, and it's like, well, that's not who you used to be.

00:44:11.009 --> 00:44:20.306
So now it feels like I don't even really even know you anymore, like, or I feel like our personalities are competing, or the spotlight is more on you than me and I need to.

00:44:20.306 --> 00:44:25.909
Now it's like now we're fighting for the, for the, for the, for the attention or whatever, like, and.

00:44:27.351 --> 00:44:35.552
But I think that's that's sometimes the risk of understanding who you are emotionally.

00:44:35.552 --> 00:44:42.750
Um, is the risk is the change that comes as a result of that Like your personality.

00:44:42.750 --> 00:44:53.150
It's very possible that your personality will go through a shift that will make others uncomfortable around this new version of you.

00:44:53.150 --> 00:45:11.918
But is it worth being dysfunctional and maintaining relationships as a dysfunctional version of yourself or becoming more healthy and developing relationships as a person that you actually want to continue to cultivate and maintain?

00:45:14.525 --> 00:45:31.239
So this is kind of bumping against one of my other points, because I think one of the things that I continually was I continually was especially kind of like in my 30s and moving.

00:45:31.239 --> 00:45:34.760
You know, in your 30s you start off in your early 30s, sure.

00:45:34.760 --> 00:45:36.242
You have your middle 30s, sure.

00:45:36.242 --> 00:45:37.831
And you have your late 30s, sure.

00:45:37.831 --> 00:45:40.632
I have just now entered into the realm of the late 30s.

00:45:40.632 --> 00:45:41.193
There you go, all right.

00:45:41.193 --> 00:45:44.826
All right, middle adults you understand, you understand.

00:45:45.047 --> 00:45:57.934
But I think in my early 30s is when I really started to really consider, like, what am I not requiring of other people?

00:45:57.934 --> 00:45:59.735
But what am I?

00:45:59.735 --> 00:46:09.782
What am I communicating to other people that I need and allowing that to to be a part, one of the driving forces in our relationships?

00:46:09.782 --> 00:46:36.007
Because in my 20s I was focused on hey way they relate to me.

00:46:36.007 --> 00:46:50.952
It was almost like I had to be more aware of people's emotional state than they were, because I was so afraid of how something might come back on me, like you know, like if somebody expressed anger, I was like, okay, wait a minute, wait a minute, I got it.

00:46:50.952 --> 00:46:52.811
First of all, I need to be able to foresee that.

00:46:52.811 --> 00:46:54.610
I don't want no surprises.

00:46:54.610 --> 00:46:56.311
Don't pop up on me surprised.

00:46:56.311 --> 00:46:57.951
I'm like eyeballing you.

00:46:57.951 --> 00:47:08.192
All right, you know the way she picked that teddy bear up and how she normally pick a teddy bear up and she about to pop off and I need to be ready and it's a very high, strong place to be.

00:47:08.192 --> 00:47:38.231
And so I spent so much of my life really, really keyed in to what's going on inside of other people and I never expected or requested or really advocated for people doing the same for me yeah, yeah, yeah you know, maybe not in that way, but hey, I need you to know that how I feel this is, and I think this is part of the new way that I started showing up.

00:47:38.826 --> 00:47:42.402
I started being like, hey, that really bothers me when you do that and I don't like that.

00:47:42.402 --> 00:47:46.985
Yeah, and people were like unbothered Jaquita, right, not as preferences.

00:47:46.985 --> 00:47:49.807
Like unbothered Jaquita not has preferences, yeah, she does.

00:47:49.807 --> 00:47:51.110
Okay, she does.

00:47:51.110 --> 00:47:54.192
She not just taking anything that's presented to her.

00:47:54.192 --> 00:47:59.496
Yeah, right, you know, unbothered Jaquita was out here getting walked all over.

00:47:59.496 --> 00:48:06.041
Yeah, and I think that that's something that you and I talked a lot about in our friendship was like hey, jaquita, no, you need to stand up for yourself.

00:48:06.041 --> 00:48:09.885
Yeah.

00:48:09.885 --> 00:48:12.110
Was like hey, no, you need to stand up for yourself.

00:48:12.110 --> 00:48:16.541
Yeah, and, but I was afraid to because you are weighing the balance of what might I lose?

00:48:16.541 --> 00:48:20.289
Yes, if I assert anything or if I ask for anything, am I gonna lose everything?

00:48:20.289 --> 00:48:25.038
If I ask for anything, am I gonna lose everything?

00:48:25.038 --> 00:48:25.559
That's good.

00:48:25.739 --> 00:48:43.559
And that is where, again, emotional vulnerability, trusting the integrity of your relationships you have to take the risk to peek your head out and say, hey, I don't want to hide in the shadows of this relationship anymore.

00:48:43.559 --> 00:48:46.952
I want to be a star player in my own life.

00:48:46.952 --> 00:48:48.177
I want to be a star player in my own life.

00:48:48.177 --> 00:48:54.673
I want to be a star player in these one-on-one relationships that I have with people that I say I'm really close with.

00:48:54.673 --> 00:48:56.418
I want to be the star.

00:48:56.538 --> 00:48:58.128
I'm not a supporting cast member.

00:48:58.128 --> 00:49:00.534
Yeah, in in our, in our friendship.

00:49:00.534 --> 00:49:01.635
Yeah, I'm not.

00:49:01.635 --> 00:49:06.673
I'm not the side character, I'm not a walk-on, sure, sure'm a main.

00:49:06.673 --> 00:49:14.878
We are both main characters and, as the protagonist, okay, I have needs.

00:49:14.878 --> 00:49:17.554
I have the storyline right.

00:49:17.554 --> 00:49:25.684
We're going to have conversations that explore what both of us are getting and what both of us need, and it's going to be vulnerable for everybody.

00:49:25.684 --> 00:49:36.228
But you have to start showing up in that relationship like that and not as, like you know, like the Niecy to Myesha yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what I'm saying.

00:49:36.228 --> 00:49:38.536
Or Moesha, moesha, yeah, moesha.

00:49:38.536 --> 00:49:39.971
Or what's another sidekick?

00:49:39.971 --> 00:49:41.309
The Dejanay to Penny?

00:49:41.309 --> 00:49:42.855
There you go From the Proud Family.

00:49:48.317 --> 00:50:11.795
You know, what I'm saying I don't know, I couldn't, I couldn't get you know I'm saying starsky and hutch, you know, uh, I'm not, I'm not getting anymore.

00:50:11.815 --> 00:50:16.478
You're not as good as this, you know you could at least went.

00:50:16.478 --> 00:50:17.559
Bonnie and clive.

00:50:17.559 --> 00:50:19.460
No, it's too late, it's too late.

00:50:19.460 --> 00:50:26.097
It's too late, you know, but we're both, we are both main characters.

00:50:26.097 --> 00:50:28.202
Right, and you to stop.

00:50:28.202 --> 00:50:31.652
I think a lot of times we make ourselves the side character.

00:50:31.652 --> 00:50:33.592
I was the side character.

00:50:33.592 --> 00:50:34.268
Yeah, that's real.

00:50:34.268 --> 00:50:46.590
I was showing up like hey y'all, I'm just here to make sure the main character has a great time and that their storyline gets told well, and I'm just here for a little comic relief.

00:50:46.590 --> 00:50:48.027
And then I'ma peace out.

00:50:48.027 --> 00:50:54.018
Absolutely not little adult baby sit down.

00:50:54.018 --> 00:50:54.681
We got to talk.

00:50:54.681 --> 00:50:59.293
Yeah, okay, hey friend, hey bestie, all right, let's chit in the chat.

00:50:59.293 --> 00:51:01.927
All right, because I have needs.

00:51:01.927 --> 00:51:09.534
You know, side characters they don't get to have needs, except for that special episode that you do every other season, sure.

00:51:09.704 --> 00:51:12.068
You know, every other season they're like you know what?

00:51:12.349 --> 00:51:14.590
Sure you know what, like Martin, they be.

00:51:14.590 --> 00:51:15.713
Like Tommy, this your show.

00:51:15.713 --> 00:51:18.260
Yeah, this show today is about Tommy.

00:51:18.260 --> 00:51:18.684
That's right.

00:51:18.684 --> 00:51:20.373
How many Tommy episodes did we get?

00:51:20.373 --> 00:51:25.307
You can go on and see, yeah, but you cannot.

00:51:25.307 --> 00:51:34.239
You are going to get to a point in middle adult years and your young adult years, you know like, you feel like, hey, this side character gig is going to work out One day.

00:51:34.300 --> 00:51:40.117
It's going to One day they're going to make a season about me.

00:51:40.117 --> 00:51:40.800
Sometimes you get them.

00:51:41.606 --> 00:51:42.246
Sometimes you get the sequels.

00:51:42.246 --> 00:51:49.942
They rebooted the whole Proud Family, the whole Proud Family franchise, and did a whole reboot.

00:51:49.942 --> 00:51:54.737
And still DeJanea side character, hilarious Still all the friends side characters.

00:51:54.737 --> 00:52:01.896
You're going to end up in a reboot and you're going to feel like you are reliving your twenties all over again.

00:52:01.896 --> 00:52:16.126
Don't, let me tell you something the only way to avoid a reboot is that you are going to have to stand up and demand what it is you need, and for so long I was afraid to do that and I thought the show was going to get canceled.

00:52:16.126 --> 00:52:28.675
I thought, if I, if I became a person in a relationship that needed something and that the other person is like ew, I have to cater to you.

00:52:28.876 --> 00:52:29.657
Yeah, that's tough.

00:52:30.199 --> 00:52:30.780
You know what I'm saying.

00:52:30.780 --> 00:52:38.173
I thought I was like they're going to end the relationship, they're going to back away from me, I'm not going to have this person in my life anymore.

00:52:38.173 --> 00:52:42.617
And we can talk about all of the deep reasons why I had these fears, right.

00:52:42.617 --> 00:52:46.456
But right now we're dealing with my emotional vulnerability and how I got there.

00:52:46.456 --> 00:52:48.793
I had to say you know what?

00:52:48.793 --> 00:53:00.717
I trust the safety of these relationships, that they're not going to end, and I will tell you you have to be okay with taking a step, because that's how they got deeper.

00:53:00.717 --> 00:53:07.219
Yes, that was how we went to the next level and that was how we've maintained 20 years of friendship.

00:53:07.219 --> 00:53:07.681
That's right.

00:53:07.681 --> 00:53:08.585
You know what I'm saying.

00:53:08.724 --> 00:53:12.175
We weren't going to maintain it with everybody being side characters.

00:53:12.175 --> 00:53:13.909
Nobody wants to watch that.

00:53:13.909 --> 00:53:17.376
Who wants to watch a whole season of side characters?

00:53:17.376 --> 00:53:21.152
We're going to be like all right, even the Avengers got a leader.

00:53:21.152 --> 00:53:23.172
Y'all know Avengers be having leaders.

00:53:23.172 --> 00:53:25.677
Everybody step up to be the main character at some point.

00:53:25.677 --> 00:53:27.027
Yeah, all right, either.

00:53:27.027 --> 00:53:28.632
Captain America got to be like all right.

00:53:28.632 --> 00:53:33.293
Iron man be like, hey, all right, somebody got to be the leader, right.

00:53:33.293 --> 00:53:38.135
Somebody got to step up and bring main character energy out here in these streets.

00:53:38.135 --> 00:53:40.588
Absolutely, you have to allow for that.

00:53:43.376 --> 00:53:45.210
Amen, can we do this?

00:53:45.210 --> 00:53:54.434
Can y'all indulge us for a few more minutes as we pivot to something I think is really, really important for us to address?

00:53:54.434 --> 00:53:54.574
Um it?

00:53:54.574 --> 00:54:11.045
We haven't talked a whole lot about how kind of your, your faith um walk, your faith journey impacts the way you perceive emotions, and so, um, I think I think this is important.

00:54:11.186 --> 00:54:13.251
I, I, I'll, I grew up in a family.

00:54:13.251 --> 00:54:15.295
You know, my father's a pastor.

00:54:15.295 --> 00:54:17.932
We grew up in church, we was church people, all that stuff.

00:54:17.932 --> 00:54:22.347
Um, we grew up I was, we were the family that did Bible studies in the morning at 5am.

00:54:22.347 --> 00:54:23.690
He would teach us things.

00:54:23.690 --> 00:54:26.574
Um, you know I was, I went to a Christian school.

00:54:26.994 --> 00:54:34.730
Uh, we were very, very, very um, immersed in the word of God and the Bible.

00:54:34.730 --> 00:54:38.436
Okay, we knew a high, high biblical knowledge.

00:54:38.436 --> 00:54:54.646
Um, and that could sometimes be, uh, hmm, how do I say this?

00:54:54.646 --> 00:55:05.197
As we grew, as we grew, as I grew older, what I, what I begin to realize is that I sometimes begin to use my biblical knowledge as a, as a cop out for feeling, feelings, feelings.

00:55:05.197 --> 00:55:19.865
So it's like well, because I know the truth, I really don't need to be paying attention to these feelings, because these feelings don't don't, um, don't outweigh the truth, which is true.

00:55:20.465 --> 00:55:41.164
Let me be clear Feelings don't outweigh the truth, but it doesn't mean they're irrelevant, and I had to unlearn that because I was so, the truth was so ingrained in me that I didn't know how to feel real feelings and be okay with that.

00:55:41.164 --> 00:55:44.231
And I had to unlearn that.

00:55:44.231 --> 00:55:51.690
I really had to unlearn that truth that Jesus didn't care about my feelings, he only cared about the truth.

00:55:51.690 --> 00:56:00.413
No, no, he cares about how you feel, but they don't outweigh the truth.

00:56:00.413 --> 00:56:02.072
I do want to say that very clearly.

00:56:02.072 --> 00:56:05.715
They do not outweigh the truth, but they matter.

00:56:05.715 --> 00:56:13.494
And sometimes I think in Christian culture, in church culture, it could come across like your feelings don't matter.

00:56:14.405 --> 00:56:17.690
Listen, oh my gosh, I okay.

00:56:17.690 --> 00:56:21.579
Just as a note, my story is almost the exact opposite of you.

00:56:21.579 --> 00:56:25.309
I did not grow up with 5 am prayer.

00:56:25.309 --> 00:56:31.000
I did not grow up, you know, I think we went to church for a while and then we didn't.

00:56:31.000 --> 00:56:42.221
And then I found, really, really I found church going friends in high school and they were like, hey, we're joining the gospel choir like senior year.

00:56:42.221 --> 00:56:46.396
And then that was when I was like what's this gospel music you speak of?

00:56:46.396 --> 00:56:47.873
This is different.

00:56:47.873 --> 00:56:51.692
Huh, a little hand clap, a little rock, this is a whole different vibe, right.

00:56:52.445 --> 00:57:31.208
And then that was kind of like started my journey to walk with God, especially in my college years, and I will say, as I was really getting to know God and faith and church, I was learning faith and truth, along with learning, like all of these emotions are now starting to come up about what I'm experiencing and I feel like there were a couple of times when I felt like it was like, hey, you need to really shut down the feelings, because we don't operate off of feelings, we operate off of faith.

00:57:31.208 --> 00:57:33.813
Yeah, yeah, like we are not.

00:57:33.813 --> 00:57:35.978
You know, listen, all them tears.

00:57:35.978 --> 00:57:38.126
Yeah, no, you need to pray.

00:57:38.126 --> 00:57:45.280
Yeah, you know, you need to go find a scripture and hold fast to God's unchanging word.

00:57:45.280 --> 00:57:52.028
You know, and I didn't struggle with that at first because I was like, oh, okay, you know what I'm saying.

00:57:52.028 --> 00:57:54.916
First of all, I'm not really a crier anyway, so cool.

00:57:54.916 --> 00:58:01.027
And then also, okay, you don't want me to feel cool, I don't need to, I don't need to address my feelings, right, I, I.

00:58:01.128 --> 00:58:08.056
And so when I went to divinity school, after four years of I had really given my life to God, I became a religion major.

00:58:08.056 --> 00:58:10.601
The Lord sent me to continue learning about ministry.

00:58:10.601 --> 00:58:22.556
I went to divinity school and I was like child, you know, I was like this is the, this is the word of God and y'all need to respect it and reverence it and learn, and learn to walk in it.

00:58:22.556 --> 00:58:28.813
And I became like a talking head, right, I became like a hey, hey, what about the word?

00:58:28.813 --> 00:58:30.016
What about the word, what about the word?

00:58:30.016 --> 00:58:33.795
And it was, I remember, because I used to be hard.

00:58:33.795 --> 00:58:35.952
I was hard on the yard in that divinity school.

00:58:36.125 --> 00:58:37.971
Okay, I was like hey, hey, friends.

00:58:38.974 --> 00:58:39.494
I don't know.

00:58:39.494 --> 00:58:45.989
Y'all supposed to be preparing to be pastors, ministers and leaders and I need y'all to believe the things and be able to articulate things.

00:58:45.989 --> 00:58:52.898
I remember I was standing on a balcony one day and the Lord was like why are you judging my people?

00:58:52.898 --> 00:58:54.061
Who gave you that right?

00:58:54.061 --> 00:58:55.268
Who basically like a?

00:58:55.268 --> 00:58:56.349
Who do you think you are?

00:58:56.349 --> 00:58:57.552
But it was.

00:58:57.552 --> 00:59:21.608
It was me taking down that wall that allowed me to begin feeling the feelings and seeing the things and then becoming overwhelmed with the weight of things like shame and guilt and sadness, grief, anger, but still actively in my twenties, trying to suppress that.

00:59:21.608 --> 00:59:23.938
Because I'm trying to be a woman of faith.

00:59:23.938 --> 00:59:24.599
I'm trying to be.

00:59:25.081 --> 00:59:29.335
Now I got, I have the MDiv and I want people to trust me with it.

00:59:29.335 --> 00:59:34.217
I want people to say, okay, jaquita, maybe that's somebody that could be useful in ministry.

00:59:34.217 --> 00:59:50.125
I didn't yet want to be a minister, but I wanted to be useful, right, I wanted to feel trusted in faith spaces because I was beginning to be seen as someone with a call or someone that could be given a microphone and I wanted to be trusted.

00:59:50.125 --> 00:59:53.914
And I didn't think I could be trusted if I was also emotional.

00:59:53.914 --> 01:00:01.005
I was also being told you cannot be trusted until you learn to stop being, until you learn to stop having feelings.

01:00:01.005 --> 01:00:22.114
But the feelings were so strong I mean it was like everything from my entire life was coming up to the surface and I think one of the things that I had to unlearn was that being spiritual meant being emotionally blank or emotionally void of emotions.

01:00:22.114 --> 01:00:31.347
Right, that we process things through a lens of faith and that we should not be processing things through the lens of our carnality.

01:00:31.347 --> 01:00:35.596
But you are a real life person having real life experiences.

01:00:35.596 --> 01:00:36.036
That's right.

01:00:36.097 --> 01:00:59.893
And now when I look back, you know, and I and I kind of merged the world of like my religious vocation and kind of my vocation of working, kind of in like higher education and working with students and working I realized that, like one, when you look at the Bible, there were a lot of emotionally bothered people that we base a lot of our walk on.

01:00:59.893 --> 01:01:03.000
I mean, david was going through it.

01:01:03.000 --> 01:01:10.311
He was angry, he was grieved, he was disappointed, he was sorrowful, he was guilty.

01:01:10.311 --> 01:01:28.077
You know he had shame, he was working through those emotions and some of the Psalms that we are like constantly repeating, like you know David would be like the waves, are washing over me in my grief, you know like, creating me a clean heart, renewing me a right spirit.

01:01:28.077 --> 01:01:29.905
These are emotional Psalms.

01:01:29.905 --> 01:01:39.731
When you think about Jeremiah the crying prophet, he was crying and prophesying, he was lamenting and tearing down Right and.

01:01:39.911 --> 01:01:43.746
And when you think about the duality of it, you have got it.

01:01:43.746 --> 01:01:55.240
Your faith wall, your, your belief in God, who, who is the greatest lover of your soul, who is king, but he's also father, right?

01:01:55.240 --> 01:02:02.679
When you start thinking about the balance of it, you have to be able to trust God with the seed of your emotions.

01:02:02.679 --> 01:02:14.121
You have to put him on the seat and put him on the throne and say, god, I have this, but I'm trusting you with it, and not try to say, god, I have this, but I'm working really hard to get rid of it.

01:02:14.121 --> 01:02:19.505
I'm working really hard not to be angry anymore, and when I stop being angry, I'll come back and chat with you about it.

01:02:19.505 --> 01:02:29.657
But you know, no, you have to go to God and say, god, I'm angry and I really need some perspective so that you can help me to unpack it.

01:02:29.657 --> 01:02:36.076
Not help me to stop being angry, right, but God helped me to understand the root of it and unpack it.

01:02:36.664 --> 01:03:00.983
And I think that when you do that, something else, that in that process of bringing your emotions to God, bringing your emotions and like I like how you said that putting him on the seat of your emotions, you need to be prepared for that emotion to be met with a truth that may not always be emotionally satisfying.

01:03:00.983 --> 01:03:33.405
So there is a reality to being honest about your emotions and bringing that and then being able to receive truth in the midst of it, in the midst of how you feel, and understanding that sometimes you might still feel how you feel, even if you know the truth.

01:03:33.405 --> 01:03:39.172
And that's okay, that is okay.

01:03:39.172 --> 01:03:58.427
You know that when you hear the truth, when because when you, when you bring, when you bring God into the situation, when you, when you allow him to sit on that seat, he is going to be compassionate and loving and truthful, he's going to be gracious and truthful.

01:03:58.427 --> 01:04:06.163
God is not going to leave you swimming in your feelings that he wouldn't be a good God if he did that.

01:04:06.163 --> 01:04:19.802
So you will, and so, but understand I think that's the beauty of the of what the seeming dichotomy of grace and truth grace prepares you for, truth, that's that's.

01:04:19.862 --> 01:04:22.114
You have to have that in order to receive it.

01:04:22.114 --> 01:04:31.795
So truth can be difficult to hear, but grace is kind of like the um, uh, that, no, that's not what I want to say.

01:04:31.795 --> 01:04:42.592
Okay, grace, grace often prepares it when, when, prepares you to hear, to hear the truth, and so I think that's what is.

01:04:42.592 --> 01:04:44.114
Is is important.

01:04:44.114 --> 01:04:58.842
As you are practicing releasing your emotions and giving them to God, don't think that you're not going to then be met with a truth that might not solve how you feel in the moment.

01:04:58.842 --> 01:05:00.284
That's not the point.

01:05:00.485 --> 01:05:01.851
That's not what it's supposed to do.

01:05:03.195 --> 01:05:06.943
You get to feel how you feel and accept the truth at the same time.

01:05:06.943 --> 01:05:12.400
As a lot of people like to say, two things can be true at the same time.

01:05:12.400 --> 01:05:15.052
The truth is the truth and you feel how you feel.

01:05:15.052 --> 01:05:27.143
One does not cancel out the other, and I think in church and in Christian culture, we try to make one override the other, when really they need to be.

01:05:27.143 --> 01:05:54.510
You need to learn, um, exist in that tension, because the reality is that tension is going to, it's going to be inside of you all the time, and the worst thing we can do and I think what we tend to do and, queen, I'm going to tag back to what you said earlier about this being positive, being overly positive, right, I think in Christian culture, we tend to color our real emotions with Christian positivity.

01:05:55.172 --> 01:05:59.536
That's not really true and we use truth to do that.

01:05:59.536 --> 01:06:03.572
Like you said, right, um, god's gonna work it out for my good.

01:06:03.572 --> 01:06:08.050
Okay, cool, but you just lost the most important person in your life.

01:06:08.050 --> 01:06:13.320
Don't tell me that God is gonna work it out for my good.

01:06:13.320 --> 01:06:14.922
Who wants to hear that?

01:06:14.922 --> 01:06:16.110
Like, that is not.

01:06:16.110 --> 01:06:18.556
So I don't look, look, is it true?

01:06:18.556 --> 01:06:20.822
Yes, is it true, absolutely.

01:06:20.822 --> 01:06:28.244
However, don't try to pull me from my grief by coloring something positive with the truth.

01:06:28.244 --> 01:06:34.492
Don't misuse God's word with God's people and I think that's that is.

01:06:34.492 --> 01:06:36.896
It's a disservice sometimes to.

01:06:36.896 --> 01:06:41.965
I mean that is, we have to be very careful about that.

01:06:41.965 --> 01:06:45.778
I think the truth is the truth and you get to feel how you feel.

01:06:45.778 --> 01:06:52.682
At the same time, you have to allow for that tension to exist and you have to allow for people to exist in that tension.

01:06:52.682 --> 01:06:57.675
Don't try to pull people out of that because you're uncomfortable with it, because often that's the case right, yeah.

01:06:58.498 --> 01:07:13.579
Yeah, I don't think people realize I took a lot of pastoral care class and it takes walking with people through tough moments, through hardly any moment counseling people through anything.

01:07:13.579 --> 01:07:16.452
It is not when you are counseling somebody.

01:07:16.452 --> 01:07:19.161
It is often not All right.

01:07:19.161 --> 01:07:28.273
Yeah, just take the scripture, all right, you know, like, like, like it's Tylenol, take, take two of these in the morning, all right, and you'll be fine.

01:07:28.273 --> 01:07:29.376
You'll be fine.

01:07:29.376 --> 01:07:30.380
It is not.

01:07:30.380 --> 01:07:35.081
You are literally the work that we're talking about, that we've been doing.

01:07:35.081 --> 01:07:39.539
You are literally helping them to walk through the work.

01:07:39.539 --> 01:07:42.693
Right, and you, it is not.

01:07:42.693 --> 01:07:47.402
Yes, you're using scripture to give perspective and to give understanding.

01:07:47.402 --> 01:07:56.090
You are not using scripture to help people bypass their hard moments, and I think that we do do that a lot of times.

01:07:56.130 --> 01:07:58.416
We're like hey, you don't really need to grieve.

01:07:58.896 --> 01:08:04.277
Yeah, okay, because they're in a better place Like right, Correct you don't have to feel the feelings.

01:08:04.398 --> 01:08:12.402
Right, this is a praise party, right, we're rejoicing, you know, and it's like you have not.

01:08:12.402 --> 01:08:24.350
To me is a.

01:08:24.350 --> 01:08:26.614
You don't really understand the depth of how, how much we can apply scripture to our lives, because it is not.

01:08:26.614 --> 01:08:28.779
A scripture Doesn't just paint over things.

01:08:29.260 --> 01:08:39.332
Scripture goes in and dwells with us, and when you come in and try to paint over something that God is trying to dwell in, you do those people a disservice because you painted over something that God is trying to dwell in.

01:08:39.332 --> 01:08:46.975
You do those people a disservice because you painted over something that they're going to end up being, um, uh, what's the word I'm looking for that they're going to?

01:08:46.975 --> 01:08:50.007
That can make somebody bitter, absolutely.

01:08:50.007 --> 01:08:51.854
You know what I'm saying, that, that, that, can that.

01:08:51.854 --> 01:09:01.376
That can be the beginning of church, hurt, because somebody told me, or if you know that somebody is sick and you're like hey, you know, we just believe that.

01:09:01.435 --> 01:09:02.753
You know God is a healer.

01:09:02.753 --> 01:09:05.606
All right, he's a healer, he's going to do it.

01:09:05.606 --> 01:09:10.840
Yeah, it's like again, don't paint over what God is saying.

01:09:10.840 --> 01:09:13.257
Invite me into the situation.

01:09:13.257 --> 01:09:16.898
Don't just try to dictate what you think is going to happen.

01:09:16.898 --> 01:09:17.600
That's it.

01:09:17.600 --> 01:09:34.837
The best thing you could do is say hey, whatever this moment is, we're going to invite God into this moment with you, and letting people know that God is in the moment with them and not you know he is not a distant God, so don't, don't apply scripture like he's distant.

01:09:35.238 --> 01:09:39.990
And sometimes I will say, and I think, let's, I think, uh, something else comes to mind.

01:09:39.990 --> 01:10:09.421
It's just timing, you know, and knowing, like, when is the right time to to, um, you know, to begin to, I'm a, I'm a person, you know me, I do, I value truth, I value, I do Right, that's that's, that's something I value, we know this I've had to learn over time the appropriate moments to share truth it, it I.

01:10:10.604 --> 01:10:22.797
that is something I've had to unlearn and part of that is kind of dealing is like being honest with my own emotions and understanding like hey, like I said, I came from a family where truth was held at a high regard.

01:10:22.797 --> 01:10:24.282
Biblical truth was held a high regard.

01:10:24.282 --> 01:10:26.753
That's what we, we, we practice.

01:10:26.753 --> 01:10:31.103
That Like that's we, we, um, we we said it out loud, like it was.

01:10:31.103 --> 01:10:41.390
That was very much how we behave, is how we were taught to move, and so when I am sitting and with other people, my first inclination is to tell them the truth.

01:10:41.390 --> 01:11:01.277
Right, but I've had to learn that the timing there's a very delicate timing when it comes to meeting emotions with truth, and that comes whether or not you're saying something to another person or even saying something to yourself.

01:11:01.853 --> 01:11:06.256
I think that's also something I had to learn from myself is let myself feel.

01:11:06.256 --> 01:11:14.774
I know the truth, but it may not be the time to just go truth, truth, truth, truth, truth.

01:11:14.774 --> 01:11:15.698
Feel it.

01:11:15.698 --> 01:11:16.841
It's okay.

01:11:16.841 --> 01:11:20.411
Allow the truth again to exist with your feeling.

01:11:20.411 --> 01:11:24.822
Don't let it, don't discount the feeling for the truth.

01:11:24.822 --> 01:11:29.632
And so, because we are whole human people, we just are.

01:11:29.632 --> 01:11:30.694
We're not going to.

01:11:30.694 --> 01:11:31.136
We can.

01:11:31.136 --> 01:11:32.037
We're not robotic.

01:11:32.037 --> 01:11:36.994
We can't just decide that we stop feeling a certain way Like that doesn.

01:11:37.155 --> 01:11:42.676
that's not real yeah um, and so I remember this moment uh, my grandmother passed several years ago.

01:11:42.676 --> 01:12:17.405
We were at the funeral and my, it was my mom's mom and, uh, my mom is, is, uh, very much a truth person that's, that is, that is my, she is that person and, uh, we, we were going by and we were viewing the body and I was, I was, you know, I was kind of, I was holding it together to some degree Um, and I saw, you know, um, and and I'll say this, my mom had dealt with a lot of grief in her life with her siblings and she had lost both of them.

01:12:17.405 --> 01:12:28.574
She lost her father, she had lost this was her last um know, immediate family member, and so she had gone through this moment multiple times.

01:12:28.574 --> 01:12:37.913
And so, because of that, the way she talked about it to us, with very much in the lens of truth, right, death is real, we're going to you know, we know where they are.

01:12:37.913 --> 01:12:39.951
I want you to be prepared for that.

01:12:39.951 --> 01:12:40.532
All this.

01:12:40.532 --> 01:12:49.737
It was very the way we learned about, honestly, death was very high truth, lower on the field.

01:12:49.737 --> 01:13:01.949
Okay, that's how we, that's how we were, how we were kind of trained growing up, and so in that moment we were doing, we're passing, and we were all, we were being seated and they closed the casket.

01:13:01.949 --> 01:13:05.461
And when they closed that casket, my mom broke.

01:13:06.411 --> 01:13:13.175
And I remember seeing that this is when I was in my I think it was in my twenties, early thirties Um, and I broke.

01:13:13.175 --> 01:13:15.201
I saw her break and I broke.

01:13:15.201 --> 01:13:22.213
It was almost like I have, I have permission to break because I wasn't sure, because I was like my mom is.

01:13:22.213 --> 01:13:31.462
So I don't want her to feel like she has done this, for I don't want her to feel like I don't believe what I'm supposed to believe, because I know what I believe and I know what she's taught me.

01:13:31.462 --> 01:13:39.524
But it was like when I saw her break, I felt permission to break because in that moment she said I need to feel this.

01:13:40.987 --> 01:13:51.835
I closed the casket on my mother, like that's a moment to feel, that's not a moment to just focus on truth, it's a moment to feel the real feelings.

01:13:51.835 --> 01:13:55.523
And I remember for that moment and she broke.

01:13:55.523 --> 01:13:57.634
And then I broke and my aunt was right next to me.

01:13:57.634 --> 01:13:58.494
She just kind of held me.

01:13:58.494 --> 01:13:59.417
I just remember.

01:13:59.417 --> 01:14:29.442
I'll never forget that and it was such a profound moment for me because I think it was what I'm and I'm I'm kind of realizing this now, but it's one of those moments that I remember being like almost like um relieved um that I that I could release, I I don't know that I really fully knew that I could release like that in a moment of grief y'all listen.

01:14:29.862 --> 01:14:31.265
Okay, I got two things to say.

01:14:31.265 --> 01:14:55.863
One, I think, when we give people the moment to feel the grief and to express in that moment, I think that we remind them it is also a moment where God is allowed to be God Absolutely In that moment and they can feel the presence and the power of God, and so I think that those moments are super important.

01:14:55.863 --> 01:15:01.903
The last thing I want to say is that I think that you know, we do this podcast to serve.

01:15:01.903 --> 01:15:09.060
We do this podcast because we want you know as much as we've seen God move in our lives and it's continuing to move.

01:15:09.461 --> 01:15:30.587
Because this, you know, I feel like we are very current, like we don't get on here and talk to y'all about, hey, you know, yeah, this is, this is what I learned five years ago, right, like these are things that, like, I'm like, oh yeah, I just came into the realization of these things, you know, um, but I want you guys to know how healing it is for I'm gonna speak for me.

01:15:30.667 --> 01:16:19.042
I'm also going to speak for Ruth Abigail, because I'm using best friend privileges here, but it is a healing experience, uh, to have these conversations, um, conversations, because even what Ruth Abigail just said in that okay, jaquita, it's okay you can release, and that's something I'm going to take with me because I can't say that I have the answer for y'all today, but I'm going to come back and I'm going to figure out, because I think that for me that is a hard thing, that is a really difficult thing to just release whatever it is I'm holding.

01:16:19.042 --> 01:16:36.778
You know, I think I've done a good job in identifying, interpreting, articulating, expressing, like I've been doing all of that, but to let it go and to be like all right, I did it, like I set that thing aside, that's something that I'm definitely still actively working.

01:16:37.659 --> 01:16:38.362
Man, that's good.

01:16:38.362 --> 01:16:40.417
Wow, that's powerful.

01:16:40.417 --> 01:16:51.529
Well, on that note, we're gonna hey, friends make sure you like share and subscribe.

01:16:53.376 --> 01:16:54.559
Did you tell somebody?

01:16:54.559 --> 01:16:56.657
Yet did you hit that button?

01:16:56.657 --> 01:16:58.925
Yet we didn't do it at the beginning of the episode.

01:16:58.965 --> 01:17:00.432
but we're coming at you now.

01:17:00.432 --> 01:17:02.359
We're doing it Absolutely.

01:17:03.130 --> 01:17:04.917
Some of y'all are like oh, I keep missing it.

01:17:04.917 --> 01:17:07.796
Oh, you know, they got technology now.

01:17:07.796 --> 01:17:08.559
Yeah, they do.

01:17:08.559 --> 01:17:10.195
They'll tell you when it's coming.

01:17:10.195 --> 01:17:14.720
Y'all join the family, join the community.

01:17:14.720 --> 01:17:16.171
We got some plans.

01:17:16.171 --> 01:17:18.536
We want to continue actively engaging with y'all.

01:17:18.536 --> 01:17:21.039
But you want to, you want to make sure you keep in.

01:17:21.039 --> 01:17:22.021
I'm, I'm sick of it.

01:17:22.021 --> 01:17:27.980
Hilarious y'all put me a hint about how to keep these in.

01:17:27.980 --> 01:17:30.609
I have small ears, so they know is that the problem.

01:17:30.609 --> 01:17:36.018
Yeah, it's bigger than my ear, so it's like interesting yeah, very weird, okay.

01:17:36.559 --> 01:17:42.208
Um well, uh, all right guys, uh like, share, subscribe, comment, download.

01:17:42.208 --> 01:17:43.251
Let people know.

01:17:43.251 --> 01:17:46.524
If you have value in this podcast, share it with somebody else.

01:17:46.524 --> 01:17:49.131
Don't keep it to yourself and listen.

01:17:49.131 --> 01:17:51.052
We will be back next week with another.

01:17:51.052 --> 01:18:07.195
Uh, until then, let's keep unlearning together so that we can all experience more freedom, peace.

01:18:07.195 --> 01:18:14.329
Thank you once again for listening to the Unlearned Podcast.

01:18:14.329 --> 01:18:18.761
We would love to hear your comments and your feedback about the episode.

01:18:18.761 --> 01:18:30.399
Feel free to follow us on Facebook and Instagram and to let us know what you think.

01:18:30.399 --> 01:18:35.069
We're looking forward to the next time when we are able to unlearn together to move forward towards freedom.

01:18:35.069 --> 01:18:35.689
See you then.