Unlearning Marriage: The Importance of Divorcing Things Before Marriage, Feeling Trapped After Marriage, Becoming Best Friends With Your Spouse, And Navigating Challenges Of Year One
Ever thought about what it means to 'divorce' certain aspects of your life before you say 'I do'? Join us as we explore this transformative concept with the insightful Patrick and Shemeika Harrington, a couple who has navigated 26 years of marital waters and emerged with wisdom to share. We uncover the significance of disconnecting from harmful influences, establishing healthy communication, and forging unity in the sacred journey of marriage.
Hello everybody and welcome once again to the Unlearned Podcast. I am your host, ruth Abigail Smith, and this is the podcast where we are all about helping you gain the courage to change your mind so that you can experience more freedom. So this series is all about unlearning marriage and, for those of you that do not know, I myself am about to enter into this season, so I figure I'm going to get some free counseling from some people and y'all can just listen in, so it's really about me, but y'all can hear it too. So I have two of my really my big brother and big sister in the house, but also they are pastors, they are coaches, they are business owners, they are parents. They are married for 26 years.
Speaker 2:I saw you look at me. I always know the answer. You do yeah, Okay.
Speaker 1:Not right, not right. Okay, I feel like that'll be something coming up at later in conversation, okay, but I'm excited about this. So I think unlearning marriage is not just important because I'm in it and I'm in this season, right, but, man, I have had a few friends, man, that have just like it's over right and under 10 years and friends, but also people that I know and it's like yo, what is going on, and like you know, and it's not new, like that's not new, but I think it really has given me pause to just say there's got to be some things that we're missing and that we're either not, we're just not catching, we're not grasping, or we just refuse to let go of before we get into these relationships, and so I just want to talk about that. So, yeah, what do y'all think? I mean, y'all have been married for 26 years. You're a little older than I am, but I'm sure y'all have seen it all.
Speaker 2:Right, I would think that would have to go back for. So we did a series on our podcast called Unequally Yoke and that kind of spoke to what I think was is happening that we were at a point where we were unequally yoked in terms of not necessarily religion, but in terms of how we view philosophy and how we view marriage and stuff like that. So I think, getting on one accord with what was mainly me I was just out there Getting on one accord I think that helped out and so we didn't do. What my wife is about to say, that she explained earlier today is there were things that we didn't divorce before we got married on the front end.
Speaker 1:Ooh, that's good. Can I do something that I forgot to do? It'd probably be a good idea if they knew your names.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay.
Speaker 1:That'd probably be good.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I got Patrick Harrington and I got Shemeika Harrington on the microphone.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, thank you, so I am.
Speaker 3:Patrick, her husband. I am Shemeika, his wife.
Speaker 1:Come on, come on, come on intro. So what do people have to divorce before?
Speaker 3:they. So it's interesting. So I think that a lot of times the divorce rate is high in marriages now because we don't divorce on the front end. If you divorce and let all divorce is basically rendering something as dead, separated in operative. It no longer exists in your world, it's no longer joined to you. So when you get married, you becoming the two are becoming one. But if you don't divorce and cut off all people, places and things from your marriage, then those things still have life and have say in your marriage, and so if you don't cut those things off, then you'll end up cutting your spouse out to still have those people, places and things.
Speaker 2:Which is one of the things that happened with our marriage, because when we got married, I still wanted to operate single.
Speaker 1:What. What did that mean?
Speaker 2:Meaning go whenever. Go without having a conversation with her. Hang out as long as I wanted to hang out with my friends without being what's the word? Not responsible but, accountable. You know what I'm saying. So for me it was I don't want 11 o'clock 11 PM, I'm leaving. I'm not saying anything to her, I'm just going to leave because that's what I did before we got married. Another thing that we do and people may look at it as controlling, but it's not really controlling. It's about, again, accountability. If I'm going somewhere, I want to let her know where I am. You know, hey, listen, we're about to go here, we're about to go to the store. You know I was on my way home, but I'm about to make a detour to go over Keith House. You know what I'm saying. And, and it's for me, if I'm single I don't have to come up by and say that, but when I'm married, she needs to know that. Because what if something happens on the way to Keith House? And the quicker they can, god forbid, but the quicker they can find me, my chances of survival if something horrible goes wrong. Wrong, she knows. Okay, wait a minute. He was going to Keith House so he probably went down, shared the drive, I don't know whatever it is so yeah, so some of those things you have to kind of divorce. that, that and again the marriage yeah.
Speaker 3:And and again, and, and I think that if divorce is practice in our lives, from a spiritual matter because it's so funny Again, I was just thinking about the word divorce, unlearning that it's not just applicable to marriage. Like I have to divorce actions, I have to divorce philosophies and ideas that will not serve us well, Cause now it's no longer me it won't serve us well in this institution of marriage. You know, and so it's an. You know even a scripture, and and sometimes it could be kind of harsh, especially if you come from a very loving and caring family tribe or family structure. But the Lord knew the power of unity in one. So when he say a man, one that's mature, shall leave his father and mother, those are to his two life sources. Leave that to become one, to cleave, to now be joined to his wife. Right, the Lord knew that it would. That was that alone as a form of a divorce. Why I have to let go of what I once knew to now learn life with another.
Speaker 1:Wait a minute. Wait a minute, Wait a minute Wait just hold on. God leave. I've honestly never heard that. I've never heard.
Speaker 2:Me neither.
Speaker 1:I've never heard that. I think that's so profound, that's real, like, like that's real, um, because that like when, when you have, you know okay. So I'm, I'm gonna be honest that part, even for me. You know, our family is fairly close. I'm learning actually we're closer than I think a lot of families are. I didn't realize that, true, we still do our thing, but we there's just ways that we stay close, and it wasn't until, you know, I got into this relationship and I realized how close I really was to my family and what kind of expectations I had, based on that closeness, of what, of how we would operate right. Even when it comes to how we operate with my family. And you know his family isn't actually here. He's close to them but they're not present. So I I didn't realize how connected my heart and my actions were still to them in this process of, like, unlearning, being single right and um that, but that idea of divorcing your family, shh and divorcing your life source.
Speaker 3:Yes, Come on, you know the person who has always provided for you, the person that has always given you provision, protection, godly attention right.
Speaker 1:Oh God, you're killing me.
Speaker 2:This is good, but think about that though that becomes if we're talking about marriage and talking about husband and wife, that becomes the part of the husband's responsibility. Now you know what I'm saying, yeah, Uh, to be the provider, the protector and the godly attention toward to the wife, you know, to his, his spouse, and so go ahead.
Speaker 3:And so this is this is why it is so vitally important that the father, what he's doing with his daughter is he's transferring care.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:So it's not, I mean like it is a divorce, and because it is a shifting though, and so in your mind though it is the one that is becoming, that are becoming married, then that's the part you had to say okay, my father, my parents, my family trust me now in the care of this person, but now, remember, you know it's in the scripture and that on. In a way, here we go.
Speaker 1:We get ready to explore.
Speaker 3:So it's a. A man shall leave his father and mother. I believe that a caring husband would not want to just cut off all life. Like you don't, you can't say anything to your mama, daddy, your sister, brother. Like, what kind of loving person is there? Why? Because the person that he's now joining in in coming in life with this. It is a result of them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so this is why it's, it's A result of your. This is why it's important for a mother and a father to be there for their children. Yeah, because the mother and father built a foundation. So we're taking that concept that the husband is coming in not to tear down the foundation, correct, but to build on the foundation that has already been laid by the father and the mother in the household, which is why it is so imperative that the children are raised by a mother and a father, and, whether it's in the same house or not, but in relationship, that's a great foundation to be built. So now each party, meaning the son, knows what he should do as he becomes, as he gets married. The daughter knows what she can do as she gets married. So they have this, this, and we're going with the text that the husband will give off himself, yes, and he will love yes, and then the wife would and the context will respect yes, you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 3:So, and they're both submitting and respecting his village, responding Right.
Speaker 1:So what do you do when you don't have that foundation? And you don't have that Because I know a lot. I mean, there are a number of my friends who who are following God, who are, who are, who are, who are godly women and men. But that is lacking. Maybe they didn't have that foundation that you're talking about. So how, how do I? What do I do with that? Like is there? Can I have a healthy marriage? Yes, you still can. What do I have to do?
Speaker 2:So here's the thing that goes through down the line is that what I think is missing in churches there's no discipleship, so there's no, there's, no, there isn't any marriage discipleship, not. There's marriage conferences, there's marriage seminars, but not disciple. Like each couple should have a couple that's discipling them, and discipleship is not. You know, we sit down, we talk about the word of God. Discipleship is you're spending time with me on a regular basis to see how I handle issues, to see how I handle victories and things of that nature. So failures, all that, and how do I come back from the failure? So, for a person that doesn't have, like we just reached out to a couple because we realized we don't have a couple over us. Like we don't, so we reached out to a couple, hey, we need discipleship, we need someone who is 35 years where we're trying to get to and so we need that. So for a person that does not have that particular background, that does not have that kind of foundation and upbringing we're talking about people in the church that they need to find somebody, and so Elisha followed Elijah.
Speaker 3:Look, he found him and followed him.
Speaker 1:So is it the onus of the one who's looking for it to go find it, or the older one to go and, like who's supposed to do the pursuing? Yes, yes.
Speaker 2:So for us, we looked for now if you really wanted. So here's the thing if you really want the marriage, you're going to be the one that's pursuing If you really want it. So for us, we found someone that we wanted to disciple us and by the time, we're always kind of having couples that we are always talking to, so it's not hard for us to find somebody else. We had somebody who's under us, but we don't have anybody that's over. So I think it's both and If you know you're a couple that you're not disciplining anybody, go see a couple. There's a couple in my neighborhood. I prayed yesterday. I'm like God, figure out a doorway for us to start spending time with them. I see them and I see us 20 years ago. They're trying to do the best they can. They don't have a lot of resources, they don't have a lot of family members come over and my heart wants to figure out a way or get, because you're talking about guys you just can't be, like hey, man, I want to be your friend. That's that guy's not doing it. So, I had to figure out a way for that to happen. So for me it was. I'm looking for not only the couple to disciple us, but for us to be a couple for us to disciple.
Speaker 3:Great To go to your question too. I would say, like I didn't have a firm foundation, but one of the things that I believe that we are dismissive of is the power of the ore. It's always a little piece of, like you know. I'm thinking about Paul doing this.
Speaker 2:You say the ore oh okay, gotcha O-A-R.
Speaker 3:Thank you.
Speaker 1:Okay, thank you for spelling it. Okay, got it.
Speaker 3:And so it's that little board right After the shipwreck. It was the ore that saved him, they got him to shore. I mean, of course we know it was God, but God allowed the ore to be there to help get him to the shore. And sometimes it's just that little piece, that little piece of hope, can help you to, can be the cornerstone for you to start building on. So let's not despise that little piece right, that little piece of hope, that little piece to want to have a godly marriage, a godly legacy, or to want to do it God's way, because he created marriage right. So but then we know we live in a. What was your ore? What was my? I would have to admit that's a good question. I would have to admit that that ore for me was just that ray of hope that I wanted to be the first in my family to have a marriage, that I only wanted to be married one time to the person that I married, which is Patrick. When I married Patrick, that there would be the only marriage that I would have and that we could raise children up in that same. Be honest in my mind and again I can remember thinking this when I was about between eight or 10, I was like I want to have my own family tree, not knowing what I was thinking. Right, because really you can't disconnect from your family, but then you can create new legacy, you can create something new, and it's like that's what I wanted.
Speaker 1:Where did it come from? Did you see somebody else? Did you see something on TV? What put that?
Speaker 3:in your mind. So that's a good question too. So I would say that. So I did grow up in the era of the hookstables. I grew up in the era of the Fresh Prince. I grew up in the era of good times. These are things that I remember seeing. But I also remember spending time with family friends and there was a husband and a wife and I always thought that as a child I was missing out because I didn't have a dad and a mama in the same house, like they had the garage and they had all of the stuff right. And again, I was a child. So I thought as a child, so it's kind of like, oh, you're supposed to have a mom and a dad. So I think that they came out of a deep longing. Right, looking back, I believe my mom did the best that she could and I didn't have a father that was active at all and so, yeah, that was just one of those things.
Speaker 2:You mean you talk about your biological father?
Speaker 3:Yeah, my biological father was not actively involved. I did have a dad that stepped in. However, even with that, he was to be under his life because my parents that I knew they divorced and so then you have that break out. You know, it's just kind of like they just became dismissive, but the only thing that I can say they made me spark there will probably be the sitcoms that I viewed that it was some morality, it was some structure, it was some order, because other than that I have no idea. I think that it was just planted there by the Lord.
Speaker 1:I mean, I think it just brings representation, and seeing something is everything. You cannot replace that, whether it's on a screen or going to your friends' houses or whatever. I think that's incredibly important. What?
Speaker 3:Pause one second too. I wanted to share too. Like even with a discipleship, it's not just I. Like how you said that Patrick is not just telling, but teaching is auditory as well as observation. Like this is how we learn best. The teacher went to the board to show us how to work through a problem, to form a sentence right and just say well, do it like this and write it. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Yes right.
Speaker 3:So I think again to emphasize, you know, the marriage discipleship in the church. This is why it's so important to hold your hand now to help bring a marriage up. It keeps you humble and then, by the same token, when you reach up to another couple, it helps you to be in a place of learning and it helps you to be able to observe and to listen. So it keeps us all in this framework of we're honoring God and we're doing the best we can. Going back to we are being a visible example of God.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and in the institution of marriage, so I want to go back to y'all's journey, okay. Okay, you said something earlier about being unequally yoke. And you said for you, you were the one that was kind of the one that was out there. So talk to me about. Talk to me about year one of the Harrington marriage. What are the things that you had to that you look back and be like who, like?
Speaker 2:So so, year one, year one, I liked to say I was an alcoholic. Some people say I wasn't an alcoholic but I would miss, I would miss work to drink, to get drunk, and I liked that put me in a category of alcoholism. Alcohol, I wasn't a. Can I say we had.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can All right.
Speaker 2:And the mic. I said can I say we had? I wasn't a we had, but I did smoke weed A womanizer I was still chasing. So thankfully I never physically committed adultery with another woman, but mentally I ran through a bunch of them in my mind and in my head. And going out. And so for me I just even going out on my barge and director's row and Ebony Lace and all these places and dinner and diamond, and so club supreme, a superior, so Lucille. So anyway no for real studio G. So. So for me it was kind of like do I still have it?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Cause I didn't want to lose it.
Speaker 1:Did you feel like getting married? Took that away from you.
Speaker 2:When she told me the very two weeks. So we get married two weeks later, 11pm. I'm going to do what I do. I'm going to go out. She said where you going, what you mean when I'm going. I'm going where I always go Hang out with the fellas.
Speaker 3:No, you can't, but Patrick, you can't.
Speaker 2:You can't why You're married. So I wouldn't say I'm like I'm a grown blank man. You can't tell me where I can and can't go, patrick, we married but I'm grown and you just told me I can't go anywhere. No, this, this is not happening. So now, immediately, I feel like I don't get it, like what can I? I'm not myself anymore, I can't be me because I got to be married. You know what I'm saying, whatever the married thing is. And so I booked hard to try to maintain my singleness while I was married. Whatever needed to be done that I was doing as a single guy. I needed to do that because I didn't want. I didn't want to be forced or made to do something which was the right thing to do, and so I stayed gone more six o'clock in the morning. I would leave maybe nine 10 o'clock at night and I would not come back until six o'clock that morning. Ridiculous, that's a great try. I'm about to go deep, being home drunk and still wanting to be intimate, but there was really no intimacy. That was it was, it wasn't, it wasn't intimacy, it wasn't loving sex. It was just okay. I'm drunk, let me get this off and then move on. You know what I'm saying, and so that became. That was what a year and a half, maybe two years of that, you know what I'm saying. And it was just, it was terrible. Pause.
Speaker 1:Okay, so that was two years. Why? Why did you stay?
Speaker 3:Tell them what you say is.
Speaker 2:What I say, patrick. She like she was. So she was like well, I'm going to give the voice, cause she didn't sign it for this. Then she said, no, that's too easy for him Too easy.
Speaker 3:He's not getting off the hook. He leave me here with these two cheats, the devil is a lot.
Speaker 1:So you had two kids in that for those first two years, oh yeah, no, you ain't going nowhere.
Speaker 3:I'm done. That's it oh no, no no, no, because in your mind and it's so funny, in my mind, it was like it's just easy to go back and going back to the family of bringing. I was brought up with strong black women doing what they did. They did, they think like they didn't have, they like whatever. You know, the men got the man, so they you know, we know for reasons, but yeah well other than that it was like it was a no brainer. Then I thought about it and I guess again it was nothing but the Holy Ghost and you know you think about it and be like it just kicked in. I guess that promise that I wanted it kicked in.
Speaker 2:So that's the spiritual side, that's the spiritual wait, wait, go ahead. The practical side is she stopped fussing at me about going out, she stopped trying to make me stay, she stopped trying to. But wait, let's lead up to that now.
Speaker 3:Because, now before I stopped fussing. This is so funny. I went into, I went into, so Patrick was doing this thing, that that, that when you said that you was going to go out. When he left and went out, I can remember saying, dear God, what have I got myself into? All right, I didn't say it out loud, but in my mind I was like, oh man, this is not going, this is not going right, and so then I let it kind of sit on, I think another two weeks, maybe a month. I can remember kneeling down. We had a white couch in the living room. I remember kneeling down and I prayed and I said I said, lord, I remember growing up in those, those old mothers in the church said prayer work. I think I'm getting ready to give it a try.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 3:I remember that's all I had was going back to the observation and what we brought up on. And so I went in prayer to tell God all about Patrick and what he was doing. And I did for two weeks to Lord, let me get it all out. And I remember hearing a small still voice say I'm about to change you. And I was like me, I ain't doing nothing. I said it just like that. I ain't doing nothing. Real country life. I always been country.
Speaker 1:That's good.
Speaker 3:And, sure enough, he changed my heart.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 3:Like I began to. Now, you know, again, I was like Lord what do, what do? What's wrong with me? What I need to do? He had me to go on to stay quiet. The silence was golden and not in silent treatment, yeah, right, but silence is golden. You don't have to say everything, you see, you don't have to say that. After his mannerism, I began to wonder why he wanted to go out, why he wanted to be with certain friends, why did he choose alcohol? Why I'm not interested in alcohol. I began to explore and ask all those questions and then the Lord began to just grow me up Like this is my faith and this is what I believe. And and I and one thing that I can say, that that I held on to and this is the thing that got Patrick. I said we friends. So I would say, like, even in your, in in the marriage, I would say, uh, if you had to unlearn something, unlearn the idea that it's just a role, it's just something to do. Like, even though you say husband or you say wife, it's really friend, it's like best friend. Yeah, there's nobody that takes the place of that space. Yeah, it's so sacred, it's so exclusive. Right, and so have fun times and so, yeah, when Patrick was out and then I began to pray, I began to pray for his soul as a person, not for him to come back and do what I wanted him to do. I didn't want him to lift his eyes up and hell, I'm just going to be on. I didn't want him to be lost. I did not want him to die in the streets. I I I can remember praying don't bring him home lame, don't bring him home dead. And I don't want to hear, I don't want the cops to come to the door. I can remember specifically praying there. I want him to come back home changed.
Speaker 2:Yep, and so she changed, and so she stopped asking questions. Wow, here's the funny thing Food would be ready whenever I came home.
Speaker 3:Because, listen, he had almost burned us down three or four times.
Speaker 2:Because I'm coming home drunk.
Speaker 1:He drunk, but he hungry, hungry.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I'm hungry, and so she would cook. And then that's when I got suspicious on her, because she's trying to kill me, because she got food ready with no, with no attitude, you know what's going on. She would ask me about my, my night. So you've been gone all night, you just not coming home. So how was?
Speaker 3:it last night. So what do y'all do? What do you mean? Like y'all just dance the whole time.
Speaker 2:Don't ask me that. I can't tell you that. What is, what is wrong with this? I think she's trying to kill me, like I don't know what's going on, and so so she's praying Now. Part of the backstory is that I found out later on is that she's anointed me. When I come home drunk, pass out. She's anointed me with all kinds of chicken grease and whatever. You know what I'm saying it's all over my face and stuff, and she was anointed Door posts and door, not anything. She felt like I would come in to touch whatever. It would be, anointed with all and myself and with, and saturated with. So you got me saturated with prayer. Yeah, it worked. And for some reason, the thing that I've done I started drinking at 13, started smoking at 16. The thing that I had done for 13 years and 10 years at that time I stopped. I just I'm like, okay, something's not right. So I'm in the back of my friend's van on director's row and everybody's out doing that thing and I'm in the back. I think I was smoking a swish of sweet and drinking on some crown roll and I'm saying to myself, okay, god, it's got to be more of the life than this. I don't know where this is coming from. Now I know she's for a year and a half, is just going in and I'm like, okay, for me I paid attention to the voice. Doesn't mean that everybody's going to pay attention to the voice, but I promise you, I promise you God is dealing with their heart and for me, I allow. I surrendered that I wanted something different because I saw the same people at Denim and Diamond. I saw Eminem Layser. I saw it's Studio G, that I saw on director's row, that I saw Clubman Rodge. I saw the same group everywhere I went. I kept saying, okay, this is not it. I got to give me something different. And that's when, two weeks later, I actually had a physical vision about me preaching, of me preaching, and that spooked me. And I wasn't high, I wasn't drunk anything, so but, but had not the prayer condition, the atmosphere, so to speak. Had not the atmosphere really grabbed my heart and me pay attention to it? I don't think the vision would have had any effect on me.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so, if you don't mind, I would like to share this too. So another component remember I was sharing that the Lord said he was gonna change me right. So initially I went in prayer and I was talking to the Lord about it, but then he also had me. He kept elevating and kept helping me to grow. When Patrick would start going out, I would be praying that whole time. I wouldn't sleep either, and I'm telling you to this day I don't know where all those words came from. So if he'd left at 10, he didn't come back to three or four, I would be on my knees on the floor praying and interceding for him the whole time. Sometimes I would count a dose off and fall asleep, but it's depending on what's saying. Is listening to this Now? You remember the shitting?
Speaker 1:you had him shut in when he would pray all night.
Speaker 3:I began to do that Now, remember, I'm solo, right. I don't have anyone. My family don't know about what I'm going through. It's just me and the Lord, on this one. And how old were you at this time? Oh, wow, Let me see, I was 24. So you were 22? Let me go back. I got married at I was 22. You were 22 when you got married. I don't know, I was 20 when I got married.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, so you were 22. So I was a young girl.
Speaker 3:Oh, now, I ain't never had that question. Now, that hit different, that hit different. I was 20 years old. Oh, my goodness, ra.
Speaker 2:Wow, Right cause I got saved at 26.
Speaker 3:Right, woo, that hit different. But yeah, so yeah, but yeah. And here I am with 21 years old, telling the Lord yes, I just, I kept saying I didn't want to be a widow, I didn't want to be married to an alcoholic, I didn't yeah no. But anyway, when he again, when he was out, I would be praying, and it's so funny. When I heard the key started railing at the door, I jumped in the bed like I was asleep.
Speaker 2:And there.
Speaker 3:I go straight to sleep. But the plate would be ready, the fork would be on the plate, the foil would be on the plate 21.
Speaker 1:So, so, so, okay, let me, I'm gonna ask you this question. You knew who he was before you got married, right, but he wasn't like that.
Speaker 2:But I wasn't like that, you weren't okay that's what I wanted to know, so you weren't like that she didn't see that.
Speaker 1:So okay, well, pause, pause, this is good. Okay, stay together Before we get married, okay.
Speaker 2:But she didn't so when we got together. So I was already that. She didn't see that part in the dating part because she's not around me every day. So I get to go home. When I leave home, I get to be Lil Pat from Westwood. Yeah, you feel what I'm saying. So she don't see all that. But then when we started living together, she's not really she's not, so she was in the best day to stay too, so she's-.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I wasn't walking at this time, okay, yeah, yeah, I hadn't. I hadn't fully committed. That's another thing about marriage being fully committed. Yeah, yeah. Like when we were standing together it was like oh, he do his thing, I do my thing. Like I can't say none of you, you can't say none of me. Like we share the bills, we deal. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:So we come home, so this is so this is and I never clubbed or nothing.
Speaker 3:These were things shit, and I didn't want a club woman.
Speaker 2:Cause. I knew what club women were doing. I didn't want my wife to be the club woman that I was out missing with. That don't make sense, but it is. So she sees a sign that says what you be doing when Jesus come back. And that's when she say we can't live together no more, one of us gotta go back. I'm like one of us gotta go. I don't wanna break up with you, but we can't this, we can't do anymore. And at that point I think she had kind of rededicated her life back to God. She fully committed herself to live in the life for Christ. And in my mind I'm thinking I got some church in me. I've heard about Jesus. So whatever problems we go through, jesus will wake it up. You know what I'm saying? That was my comment and that was maybe Thursday and Tuesday we got married Shoot.
Speaker 3:So yeah, it was like that. Yeah, yeah, we called our parents. The only people we call was our parents.
Speaker 1:So, looking back cause I think this is in this summer I have this conversation sometimes with my single friends. I mean, we've had this conversation for years. And, shemeiko, what did you see in him after you were, after you saw who he really was, you saw all of him. What did you see beyond that that gave you the hope to keep praying, interceding all that stuff? What is it that you saw in him?
Speaker 3:You know what I have to admit the only thing that he is a genuinely good man. Like he, he. Just what you see is what you get Like he was always true and that I could respect. Like he never, like he was just true. That's the I think I hope I answered it.
Speaker 1:No, you answering it Cause I wanna know and Pat, I want like either one, cause I think a lot of people struggle with separating who people are and what they do. And you know, when it comes to a relationship dating, engaged marriage it's like how do I, how do I see past? Maybe what's happening right now, like the choices and all this stuff when does that become a real problem? Versus versus me doing what you did and just and praying through and waiting it out or whatever, like how do you do that? Because I think a lot of people, especially in the church. I think one of the things that's necessary to unlearn when it comes to this is like cutting people off entirely cause you don't live the way I live. Period, I can't deal with you. You won't stop doing this, this and that. I'm not saying that that's not appropriate. Sometimes Maybe it is, but I don't, I don't like. But then there are times where, to your point, you're genuinely good person. They got some things they gotta clean up. How do you help people navigate that?
Speaker 2:I think that I think the only thing for me would be abuse Once. So I wasn't abusive to her. So once there's abuse, either to you or to say if you got children to the children, at that point you have to get away, Because I think any type of physical, even if it's like, well, he just grabbed me, I'm pretty sure at some point he's gonna hit you, and if he's faking like he's gonna hit you at some point, he's gonna follow through with hitting you. So if it's that, and then everybody has their tolerance, you know what I'm saying. So that's I give us one of the things that I can say what maybe your tolerance may not be somebody else's tolerance. That, okay, you can tolerate that. I can't tolerate that. Okay, we're married now. So what do I do? Again, my ideal is always trying to find a solution. Even though now we're channel, we've been called the huxables, and it's not because we're the huxables, it's that we're always looking for a solution to the problems that we've been through and we're trying to give solutions to the issue that's at hand. So the question would be I mean, the thing would be, or the question would be, for you to ask what's your breaking point? Like what's your specific breaking point that this person has? How do you figure out a way to resolve that particular thing? And then pray, yeah.
Speaker 3:And when you see those deal breakers, like, so like in dating, you have those red flags, yellow flags. You know, I think about the ocean, you know how they had a different flag, you let your note occurrence, you know what's going on or whatever the waves flow, when you see those flags pay attention to it.
Speaker 2:If they tell you that that tide is rough, believe that the tide is rough and immediately have the conversation then, because I think what we're advocating now, more than we were before, is counseling. Like we weren't big on counseling, everything was just pray about it, just go to God about it, just go to the past about it. But now I'm more about I mean, get the counseling that's needed for it. So if you're already in the marriage and you see these things and maybe you didn't see them or it wasn't as prevalent to you at that particular time, but now it is you're gonna need some good counseling, not surface counseling.
Speaker 3:And don't ignore yes, sir, and going back to don't ignore those signs. That's the point I'm trying to make. So when you see that this person and again I'm doing this from a grown up eyes now, but you know and you see certain actions and you know in my mind I'm thinking about maybe a later they're sitting in the chair, you're in the nails done and it's cute because he wants to know my every move. But there's borderline controlling. Why do you want to know my every move? Why is you know? These are things you have to stop and you have to consider. It's okay, don't be rushed into it Now. It's okay if somebody wants to know for accountability purposes, baby, the world is crazy. I need to know, I just wanna know, just for safety purposes. That's respectful. But if every time I do something, then you hammering down on me or you don't, those are flags, those are signs. So don't be dismissive of that and don't try to excuse behavior. Another thing, another thing too, is so important. It's vitally important for your family and your friends to be around you, because love has a tendency to blind you, but it does not blind your friends and your family. They will see things that you don't see.
Speaker 1:That's good.
Speaker 3:I don't have any, like he ain't kissing and touching and hugging and she ain't kissing and touching and hugging on me.
Speaker 2:So it's like oh yeah, that's a joke of their. And if a lot of people have the same thing about that and they don't know each other and they're saying the same thing about that you probably wanna pay attention to that. I got a couple of friends and I'm trying to get them to see that they keep choosing their emotions over evidence. The evidence is showing that this is what the person think about you. But their emotions are so caught up that they're ignoring the evidence and they're allowing their emotions, as my wife say, to move them. What's your?
Speaker 3:opinion. The rude word of emotion is motion. It causes you to move. So I'm gonna respond and move out of an encounter or an experience, and so, again, we go into the ocean anyway. We know that it's a risk but, I wanna ride that wave Now again. Some of our aversions to risk are different. It's gonna make it their tolerance right. You may be a risk taker, but it can be borderline dangerous too. But you do know you're running a risk.
Speaker 2:But it has to be addressed early Because if there's a predator so it's one thing I told my wife one man's honesty can be another man's lie. In other words, he can lie really good, I love you, that's a lie, he's just really trying to get the goods. And then one guy can say I love you, and he really mean it. So that's why the gift of discernment, or women's intuition, is so key and prevalent to know that. But if you address something early enough and I see, okay, nah, she kinda hip to it, I then myself will remove myself Because, oh, I can't get over her. I was watching another podcast and they was talking about a predator and the guy was talking about one of the things that there's a strong father figure in the life, or a family bond, yeah, or a family there's a strong father figure or a strong family dynamics. If they have a concept of God, then that particular predator doesn't go or doesn't do what they're planning to do. So if this person, whether it be a male or female, and they're in this relationship and there's an issue, come up and they address it immediately with someone who they may respect or like, say there's another couple, and they, hey, I'm gonna bring this out, because this is what we're having. If they bring it out immediately and go ahead and address it, I'm telling you, the predator then will realize okay, wait a minute, this is some different and let me remove myself away from the situation and you're gonna hurt, you're gonna cry because you think this is the love of my life, but in actuality it wasn't, and a lot of people get married to their enemy. You get married to the enemy, not knowing that this was an enemy the whole time. But nobody who was abusive is gonna say hey, my name is Keith. You know, abuse women how you doing.
Speaker 3:Like that doesn't work. Abuse women, but not you. Yeah, right man, yeah yeah so.
Speaker 1:How do you now talk about marriage differently than you did before?
Speaker 2:So my answer to that is carefully.
Speaker 3:And.
Speaker 2:I'm saying it because if I'm talking to couples I don't really do much. I try to do much talking. So my talking is, if I can say this way, the conversation I have is listening, with the intent to hear and understand. Because if I do that more, then my words become few and they become more acceptable because I'm not talking a lot and talking over myself. Another thing I do is I don't, because at one point I used to try to give and I wanted them to follow the way my marriage went. That ain't how it works Everybody. So my belief is that all marriages have some of the same components in it. It's kind of like I was giving an analogy of a snowflake. Each snowflake it's made up pretty much of some of the same foundational thing, but the shape of it and how it's formed, that's different. So there are things that may be common in the marriage, but your marriage and the shape of your marriage, the shape of your relationship, that may be a little bit different. I'm saying my wife like live roses. Somebody else's wife might not like live roses, but they like, you know, turtle candies, I don't know. Whatever the case may be, so does your wife like gifts? Okay, yeah, my wife like gifts too, but the gifts are different. So for me it's trying not to give them the advice based on how my marriage is and how it went. That's why I have to listen more to figure out. Okay, if you're asking for my advice about marriage based on what you said, here's a likely solution. Check this out, whether you think about that and allow them, because they may disagree with that and I'm okay with that. I used to get mad like I'm giving you this advice and you won't accept it Like what? No, they may disagree with your advice. Okay, that's cool. If you disagree with that, then let's figure out something else till we get to a solution of what you do agree with. So that would probably be for me.
Speaker 3:I would say that now I am more delicate and authentic. I try not to hide anything and I try to be real delicate and sensitive as to how to approach whatever it is about marriage and what comes with marriage.
Speaker 2:So what comes with marriage? So I wanna go back to something she said, because I think this is part of the snowflake that needs to be foundational, and that's friendship. So, I've heard that a person say man no, my wife ain't my best friend. Well, that lies an issue, because she was saying that, yeah, I'm your friend and that was one of the things that I didn't wanna. I didn't want to hurt my friend Like I didn't wanna do my cause. I'm an only child, so friendship is big for me, you feel what. I'm saying. And so my wife, becoming my best friend, made it easier for me to make sure that she's covered first. Make sure that she's first and everything before my mother, before my father, before my friends, before my cousins, in this case, even before my children before church.
Speaker 3:That was the aim before you Before church you know what?
Speaker 2:I'm saying Church is not my first, my wife is first. You know what I'm saying, so yeah, what?
Speaker 1:okay, so let's real, real, just briefly, high level how do you become friends If you're not with your spouse already? How do you become? That's going. I see that a lot now. Right, like you know, you really friendship, friendship, friendship, and I think that's a pretty relevant conversation within. The context of marriage. It's like you wanna be friends. I was watching something the other day saying, and the guy was saying you know, most of the men I know don't even like being around their wives. They don't even. They don't enjoy it Like they, you know, and it's like man. That is a sad reality. You know what I'm saying. And for those that would like to maybe try, how do you become friends with your spouse?
Speaker 2:So you say it one word though. You just say try, like, try to do the things. Get into their world, get into their world. You know what I'm saying? What do they like doing?
Speaker 3:Try it out. Don't try to change your spouse. Enjoy your spouse. You know when you, when you just think about when you are building a friendship, a true, authentic friendship, it's just you spend time together. You find things that are of interest and the truth of the matter is, a lot of times, I know, for me it's kind of like, ooh, I wanna be their friend. So you go and play.
Speaker 1:You know what I?
Speaker 3:mean you go and you say, hey, I wanna be your friend, and you know, just think about that child. Like a playground behavior. It's like, ooh, they make the monkey bars look fun. So, ooh, I wanna go and play with you, would you be my friend? We don't know that, we really just say can I play, you know, can I spend time? But again, it goes with that having confidence going to your spouse and entertaining the idea that, hey, I heard a couple today on unlearned talk about friendship. I don't really know what they look like, but hey, you wanna go get ice cream? And let's just talk about it right. It's the time, it's the talking, it's the tone. You're being humble because, guess what? I met your mercy because you could say no, even though there's something that I want. And so then I have to let time and space play its part. And then guess what? Hopefully the friendship will develop over time.
Speaker 2:So it's really, in my opinion, it's not that complicated. I think we complicated, but it's really not. It's really just spending time. You think about friendship growing up when you were younger, and of somebody new moved into the neighborhood where you went over and you introduce yourself. And you're hey, man, I got Atari. Oh damn, I got Atari in my house. You're gonna come over and play my Atari. Guess what? That friend left his house, came into my world and played my Atari.
Speaker 3:Go back. Excuse me, that goes back to inviting them into your world. So, but now what you do is you offered something that may be of interest to both.
Speaker 2:But not necessarily interest into both, because even if they not interested, in.
Speaker 3:Are you disagreeing with me?
Speaker 2:Unfortunately I am. I'm learning that, so just go with. I like Jack Ryan the series. You don't really like Jack Ryan. I do now. But remember now she got into my world and by getting into my world to watch something she didn't like, she liked it. She liked Golden Girls. I'm not really that fan of Golden Girls, but oh, I'm gonna get you a good one. So let me back it up by saying this and grade school when I was growing up was elementary school and elementary school. I'm in the first grade, but I can read on the third grade level.
Speaker 3:All right.
Speaker 2:So I can read very well. I don't like reading. She loves reading. Give me a book, so guess what I do? I find the interest that she's interested in the books that she's interested in. I don't wanna read the same books that she's interested in because I wanna grow closer to her, so whatever she likes, I get into her world. I'm not really big on reading, like. The one book I read the most, and that went into the 26th, was the Bible. That's because I feel like I really had to read it from beginning to the end in order to be safe.
Speaker 3:You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:So, but other than that, like I'm reading a book, it's more like listen to the book now. The Fall of Lucifer.
Speaker 3:She loves it.
Speaker 2:But guess what? I'm reading the book because I wanna have a conversation with my wife so that we can have something in common to continue this relationship that we're having. So it's not complicated. The problem is people don't like, they don't wanna be with their spouse. Not only that. And they don't and it's like man, you just don't wanna be this. So you still have not divorced singleness and married or accepted that you're no longer by yourself, You're with your spouse and y'all have to grow together in this thing In all things, in all things.
Speaker 3:Now, I'm not saying that you have to take on the same idea. You have to be your spouse, right, because you're your own person. Like he married or she married, you know you marry who you married, and so that's your special sauce. But it's something about when you share. You have all things in common. When you are on one accord, when you can finish each other's sentences and you can kind of like read their eyes when they like read it or go. You know what I mean. It's like they don't have to say anything. You just kind of like, okay, well, we're gonna go ahead and go home. It's those things, it's the said without being said that comes with spending quality time and quantity of time.
Speaker 2:So here's the thing about God too, and here's my this is my pet peeve about why some people prayer aren't answered Because they don't have a relationship and it's hard to have a request and you don't have a relationship. But if you have a relationship and use prayer primarily for building a relationship with God, then when it's time to request, you'll know what not to request Because you know, okay, based on the relationship, I know God's character. I'm not gonna add a young lady say that a guy told her to pray for another woman's husband. That ain't enough.
Speaker 3:God.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying. So if you pray there and it don't happen, you can't be like no, that's not of God. But I just believe when we're in a relationship this is my daughter, joy, you said when we're in a relationship with God and we're building this relationship and we know what God's character is, we are better at praying and asking God for the right things, and it's something that he wants for us anyway. So, if it's something that he wants for us anyway, the answer is never no. The answer will be either yes or not right now, because this is what God wants for us anyway. So we take that without our marriage. If we're building this relationship with our spouse and we're spending time and there are things that you may ask your spouse and you know it's something your spouse wants for you, anyway they're not gonna say no. They're either gonna say yes or they're gonna say not right now. And not right now may depend on maybe they don't have the money right now, maybe something is going on, but even in that, if they say not right now, there's gonna be check this out, a conversation that's gonna be had, which means we're gonna spend more time talking to each other. So, again, not complicated get into each other's world, spend time with each other and really be there, be at the moment, put the phone away, patrick, and be there with them. Because even if I go watch because I really didn't want to watch Creed, but she wanted to watch Creed but if we watch Creed 3, and I'm like let's watch Creed 3. But I'm always on the phone on YouTube or what's the other thing, facebook or TikTok or whatever these things are. I'm really not present. If we're going out to dinner and we're sitting there and I'm mostly on my phone eating and not paying attention, yeah, I'm there, but I'm really I'm not there, and I think that's the illusion. Is that she's looking. Did you see how she looked at me? She's looking like why are you still talking? You talked the first half of this whole time. So the illusion is me being in the space, is me being there. My body, I'm bodily there, but mentally and emotionally I'm not there. And so they're thinking well, we spend time with each other all the time. No, we don't. You're in the same room, but you're not there.
Speaker 3:So they'll go back to the quantity, but not quality. But, when you do them both together. That's when the change occur, exponential, when it's quantity and quality. Yeah, you don't want to, just of course. You just don't want to be a drag along. You don't want. You know, I'm just saying it's like I'm just going because you dragged me to the dinner you dragged me to the movies. And people know, and that's the interesting thing too, with being in close relationship with a marriage or friendship, like you know, when someone wants to be in your prison, you can detect it, and so you get to a place where I don't want to force you. So then that's where the disconnects start to happen.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 3:So again, make sure that you remember who you said yes to. That's what you have to hold on to Like. Remember why you said yes. You said that you would to this person.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You said that I would love you. I will respect you, I will, you know. And so now they didn't get so sophisticated. They come with their own vows, as if to say that the traditional vows are counseled out. No, you still are responsible for loving their spouse, respecting their spouse. You know, learning how to trust, you know what is living life. If you don't, you can't even walk with somebody. That's the whole beauty sidebar. But on point, that's the whole beauty of marriage. It's to choosing to walk together in sync and worshiping and glorifying God on earth. Yeah Right, it's like man, I like and love you enough to make the adjustments. Yeah, I like and love you enough to go with the changes. Yeah Right, it's to be with you, like, I know it's going to rain and I know it's going to snow and I know the sun is going to shine, but if we just so happen to get caught at the bus stop in the rain without an umbrella, I wouldn't want anybody to be with anybody else but you with these issues.
Speaker 1:That's good, that's good. So you all have a podcast.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Tell us about the podcast and where can people find it.
Speaker 2:YouTube at his wife, her husband, and on Spotify and Google Play and Anchor, and it's the same at his wife, her husband. I think it's two words. His wife is one word, her husband is one word, so that's two words.
Speaker 1:Yes, it is, and you all, you also coach couples.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:So talk about that.
Speaker 2:So here's the thing we went through a what I forgot what it's called preparing and rich become marriage facilitators and that's one of the certification that we got to be marriage coach. Shamika just actually finished, just graduated, to be a life coach, and so what we're doing, using the YouTube channel, which is his wife, her husband, and the podcast to kind of get the message out to the people, let them know that we are here to help them build and sustain their marriage from a biblical perspective, and so we offer marriage coaching, and they can. If they want marriage coaching, they can go to his wife or husbandnet and from there you can sign up for what is it called A discovery, call A discovery call, where we're calling, you can set up your appointment time for us to sit down and talk with you all and to see if we're a good fit for each other. So it's not just, yeah, let's go, but no, we, because what? Through the discovery call, we may find out that you need more than coaching. So we're not counselors, we're coaches, and so they can do. They can go on hiswifeherhusbandnet and schedule an appointment.
Speaker 1:Okay, sweet. Yeah, I was excited, I was thinking this is purpose.
Speaker 2:What we're doing because this is the heartbeat of our marriage is to help couples. My wife and I, we've done things separately and we've supported each other. This is the very first thing we're doing together with each other for purpose, so I'm grateful that we're one of the ones that we found what our purpose is in life. You feel what I'm saying, and it's not done grudgingly or of necessity. It's something we're doing cheerfully.
Speaker 3:So yeah, I do the work. I don't know why it's good.
Speaker 2:So, this is purpose driven, and that's why I'm so excited about what God is going to do, moving forward with his wife, her husband and we're working on some other things that we're not supposed to say right now but, it's going to be a wonderful thing.
Speaker 1:So you're going to tell me afterwards though, right, yeah, I am going to tell you Very good, okay, very good. Okay. So all right, before we go, I want to do this. It's like I said, I'm getting married in about a month.
Speaker 3:I'm so excited for you. Oh, my goodness, I don't like real estate. You are like the best bride in the world.
Speaker 2:She didn't say that she does. She said it all the time in the house.
Speaker 3:You are like that girl.
Speaker 2:She said I was doing such a good job.
Speaker 1:I'm so proud of you, I know this show for our kids.
Speaker 3:I'm so proud of you. Oh, my goodness, so much integrity. That's the authenticity. You just taking it, you enjoying the journey, you're not flustered.
Speaker 1:At least that's what we don't see. Yeah, yeah, Again again we don't see that.
Speaker 3:Now, I do know that you are human.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 3:What I'm saying is that you don't give that tone or that vibe of being extra. I know there are moments where you will be extra. You just matter of fact. This is that, and I mean that. So that's one thing, but it's another to like, yeah, you, that girl, I mean you just so chill now I know you probably kicking your feet under.
Speaker 2:She brags about you all the time man.
Speaker 1:Man so excited for you. Well, I mean.
Speaker 2:So surfaced you like a duck roll, and time, wow Okay.
Speaker 3:I'm excited for you. Yeah, I cannot wait.
Speaker 1:I'm excited, I really am excited, like I'm. I'm grateful to be excited because you know, if I wasn't, I'd be concerned, so all right. So, before we go, so I want to say I want you to do for me Okay, y'all can turn it off if you want to, but this for me. So I want you to do a freestyle. Two minutes, boom. I just three minutes. I just want. I just want three minutes of back and forth. Unlearn. This about marriage from you.
Speaker 3:I just want to say, like you want us to like rap like this, like you know, you know how they say.
Speaker 1:No, no, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 1:I can't, I can't. I don't even know why I tried to do that, so that's kind of. No, I just, I just want to want you to flow back and forth. You know what I'm saying? Just flow back and forth. So, and just like, unlearn this. So make sure you unlearn this.
Speaker 3:Oh, I got one. Okay, I want you to Okay, make it short, and quick, okay, unlearn Boom.
Speaker 2:You about to give us a presentation.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's going to be like three sentences.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's okay. Three, three.
Speaker 3:So I know it has to be one word no, no, no, no no, no, it can be one to three sentences.
Speaker 1:You got it. That's, that's what I'm saying. Okay, okay.
Speaker 3:So another thought that I had about that doubt that I want you to say as far as unlearning, listen, no, what I want you to unlearn is that in marriage, sex is not just about sex, it's not just doing it, it's intimacy, like it is, it is the joining of the two in the like enjoy each other. You know, it's not just a sign oh, I'm approaching to be a big boy. Oh, wow, assignment, assignment. You know what I mean. It's kind of like boom, boom, boom. It's like no, like, take time to get into to your husband's world and let him explore your world.
Speaker 2:Like don't cut it off.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:She that she's a writer. My mom was a writer too, so that the simple is unlearn.
Speaker 3:See what I'm saying. Unlearn, act, the act of sex. Okay and just and learn the sacredness I love it Of it.
Speaker 1:That's good, that's good, that's good, that's good. Okay, pack Uh, unlearn gender roles, that's good, really, that's good, that's good.
Speaker 2:That's good, that's good, that's good, that's good Really.
Speaker 3:That's good Unlearn, unlearn.
Speaker 2:Unlearn the life of singleness.
Speaker 1:That's good.
Speaker 3:Go on.
Speaker 2:Unlearn financial responsibilities. That would go with gender roles too.
Speaker 3:Unlearn, unlearn work Like yeah, unlearn working separately.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's good Together.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's good Unlearn animosity.
Speaker 3:I'm on a roll now. Unlearn, unlearn, anger.
Speaker 2:Unlearn bad habits.
Speaker 3:Yeah, Unlearn, unlearn, unlearn. I like how you said it earlier separateness.
Speaker 2:She said go back and forth. We got two, three minutes.
Speaker 3:I would say unlearn the separate.
Speaker 2:Unlearn unhealthy family traditions.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's good.
Speaker 3:That's good. And unlearn, unlearn worshiping apart. What's that? I want them to worship together, unlearn worshiping separate or apart.
Speaker 1:That's good yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's all I got, that's good y'all, that's good.
Speaker 1:You got one more in, you Go ahead.
Speaker 3:Unlearn seeing marriage as a task. It's a gift. Unlearn the grudgery, the drudon, that you don't pick that up.
Speaker 2:I was, I'm going to say this unlearn gospel. The reason why I say that? Because we have a tendency to tell our friends and family members everything that's going on in our marriage and they don't need to know everything. So when there's going to be gossip, but yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Unlearn over telling what's going on in your house.
Speaker 3:Unlearn the silent treatment too.
Speaker 1:I like what you said earlier about silence versus silent treatment. That is very profound. Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 3:Unlearn a warring with your spouse. Unlearn that that's trash, that's garbage, that's your best friend. I got another one.
Speaker 2:I'm trying to stick in the scriptures, unlearn that the wife is the only one to submit. Yeah, because the verse before verse 21 says submit yourself one to another. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, unlearn, oh and unlearned selfishness. It's about serving. This is the place you get to serve. It's good stuff and it's safe. Oh yeah, unlearn. Risk is safe. Oh, my goodness, your marriage should be a safe space in place. Oh yeah, unlearn. Just letting the house do what it do. Set the tone.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Set it. Set it, set it in order and enjoy it. Unlearn again that work. It's a work and it's a risk, and if we would do well to listen to the scripture, the Holy Spirit said enter that risk. Don't be like the other ones that never learn to enter that risk. And it's a risk. It's a risk in marriage and we're going to risk that right there.
Speaker 1:That's good, that's good Y'all. Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2:This was so good, thank you.
Speaker 1:This was so good. Yeah, I'm excited, so thank you for listening once again, she didn't went into a worship, she didn't.
Speaker 3:No, she didn't she didn't.
Speaker 1:Thank you once again for listening to the Unlearn podcast, where we are here to help you gain the curse of change in mind. We have Patrick and Shamika here. Go visit their website, hiswifeherhusbandnet.
Speaker 2:That's if they want to sign up for, if you want for coaching on.
Speaker 1:You have a YouTube channel, his wife, her husband and then a podcast his wife her husband. Y'all get the gist. His wife, her husband.
Speaker 3:All right.
Speaker 1:So we'll be back next week with our next guest and let's keep moving towards freedom together. Amen, peace. Thank you once again for listening to the Unlearn podcast. We would love to hear your comments and your feedback about the episode. Feel free to follow us on Facebook and Instagram and to let us know what you think. We're looking forward to the next time when we are able to unlearn together to move forward towards freedom. See you then.
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