March 31, 2025

Unlearning Parenting: The Elder millennial Experience

Unlearning Parenting: The Elder millennial Experience
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My friend, Erica Ramsey, joins the UnLearnT Podcast to share her journey from being a successful business owner to becoming a wife and mother during an unexpected first year of marriage.

• Career women often struggle with the sudden identity shift that comes with parenthood
• Planned trajectories and expectations must be reconsidered when life takes unexpected turns
• Understanding the difference between counterbalance and balance helps manage life transitions
• The concept of glass balls versus rubber balls helps prioritize what needs attention most
• Older parents face unique concerns about legacy and what they can impart to their children
• Self-healing journeys prepare us for healthier relationships with spouses and children
• Kingdom culture needs to be integrated into daily life rather than treated as a separate activity
• Children can teach us as much as we teach them when we observe their natural learning styles
• Personal growth requires becoming a different version of yourself to achieve different outcomes
• Grace for yourself is essential during major life transitions and identity shifts

Share this episode with someone navigating a major life change who needs encouragement to embrace transformation and find grace in the journey.


Chapters

00:00 - Friends Reunite After Years

04:26 - Unexpected Pregnancy Journey

18:23 - Managing Parenthood and Career

30:18 - Grace for Yourself and Others

46:22 - Becoming Different to Grow More

01:08:37 - Creating Kingdom Culture for Children

01:17:35 - Leaving a Legacy Beyond Our Years

Transcript
WEBVTT

00:00:03.645 --> 00:00:08.712
hello everybody, and welcome once again to the unlearned podcast.

00:00:08.712 --> 00:00:19.403
I'm your host, ruth abigail aka ra, and this is the podcast that's helping you gain the courage to change your mind so that you can experience more freedom.

00:00:19.403 --> 00:00:25.794
And I'm here with a very special guest, miss Erica Ramsey.

00:00:26.094 --> 00:00:35.161
Okay, hold on, because it used to be for a long time, because it used to be Johnson For a very long time, very long time, for a very long time, and it is no longer Wait.

00:00:35.201 --> 00:00:36.206
Are we doing the double thing?

00:00:36.206 --> 00:00:38.460
Are we doing, erica, some things I can't say publicly.

00:00:38.600 --> 00:00:40.243
But what we are doing is just know it's Ramsey.

00:00:40.243 --> 00:00:42.347
But if you see Johnson, just know it's Ramsey.

00:00:42.347 --> 00:00:48.246
But if you see Johnson, just know somewhere it ain't quite Ramsey, but it's going to be Ramsey, Amen.

00:00:50.404 --> 00:00:53.386
I understood one thing, I refused.

00:00:53.386 --> 00:00:54.520
I was like one thing I'm not doing.

00:00:54.540 --> 00:01:06.930
I'm not changing my Gmail, which is Smith, and I'm not doing it because too many things connected to it, so it'll be fine but like new stuff, will have new names, you know what I'm saying yeah, yeah, it's gonna have new stuff, we'll have new yeah, yeah, old stuff might, yeah, yeah, you know what I'm saying?

00:01:06.930 --> 00:01:07.554
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's what?

00:01:07.554 --> 00:01:09.242
Yeah, yeah, we don't, we don't, it's just that's a lot, that's a lot.

00:01:09.804 --> 00:01:19.131
Yeah, amen, okay, good, all right, so erica randy welcome to the podcast, my friend exciting yes, okay, this is very exciting um.

00:01:19.131 --> 00:01:27.242
So we're in this series, as you all know, unlearning parenting and this is a really, really fun uh conversation.

00:01:27.242 --> 00:01:37.061
We're gonna have different uh people on here, different different conversations and so far we have had a couple um and so if you haven't, if you haven't had those uh, already check those out.

00:01:37.061 --> 00:01:40.492
They're already on um on the platforms.

00:01:40.492 --> 00:01:47.266
But this particular one I'm very excited about first very long time very, very, very long time, very long time.

00:01:47.948 --> 00:01:51.134
Yes, we have a much history let's see, she's gonna do it.

00:01:51.174 --> 00:02:03.528
Yeah, she's gonna do it I am five yeah we met in 2000 because because why was I about to say 10, yeah, no 2005 everybody can count.

00:02:03.528 --> 00:02:04.771
We don't need to add the years.

00:02:04.771 --> 00:02:05.451
They can go back.

00:02:07.227 --> 00:02:10.951
No, we don't they should know 2005, so it's been a while.

00:02:10.951 --> 00:02:13.045
That's right.

00:02:13.045 --> 00:02:17.435
And so we went to college together, and Erica's older than me.

00:02:17.435 --> 00:02:21.328
We was on the straight and narrow route you had to take that left.

00:02:21.681 --> 00:02:23.206
You took a left, that's alright.

00:02:23.247 --> 00:02:24.762
Yes, I am not by much, though.

00:02:24.762 --> 00:02:32.709
Yes, not, did Not by much, though I did yes, yeah not by much Not at all, Not by much at all, Although you could you know there were moments where she didn't know that.

00:02:34.120 --> 00:02:36.123
Joy, how much attitude are we doing on this right here?

00:02:37.346 --> 00:02:41.993
I love it y'all this is going to be good.

00:02:41.993 --> 00:02:47.306
I love it.

00:02:47.306 --> 00:02:48.652
Y'all this is going to be good.

00:02:48.652 --> 00:02:49.055
I'm so excited.

00:02:49.055 --> 00:02:50.000
Ooh, this is going to be fun.

00:02:50.000 --> 00:02:55.027
So we've known each other for a long time and, Erica, why don't you just update?

00:02:55.469 --> 00:02:58.221
I just want to share a little bit about yourself with the people and update them on the newest parts of your life.

00:02:58.221 --> 00:03:00.007
I don't necessarily know the people.

00:03:00.007 --> 00:03:01.189
Know the oldest parts of my life.

00:03:01.189 --> 00:03:05.156
Everything will probably be new, but it's fair know the oldest parts of my life, so everything will probably be new.

00:03:05.175 --> 00:03:05.356
It's fair.

00:03:05.356 --> 00:03:06.199
It's fair to see what I mean.

00:03:06.920 --> 00:03:08.062
Fair point.

00:03:08.062 --> 00:03:10.586
But yeah, so I'm Erica Ramsey.

00:03:10.586 --> 00:03:15.974
I own a company called Leap Branding and PR.

00:03:15.974 --> 00:03:19.856
We do strategic marketing for many different corporations.

00:03:19.856 --> 00:03:21.277
We started in the entertainment industry.

00:03:21.277 --> 00:03:35.712
We moved into the legal field representing lawyers not representing lawyers, but doing marketing and branding for lawyers and now we work with hospital systems doing strategic marketing and helping them to set up their B2B organizations.

00:03:35.712 --> 00:03:37.483
So we do that.

00:03:37.483 --> 00:03:42.152
We actually have formed entities for them from beginning to end.

00:03:42.152 --> 00:03:48.169
We do naming, we do all that kind of stuff, we do all of the market research.

00:03:48.169 --> 00:03:50.296
We even do the financial projections.

00:03:50.296 --> 00:03:52.181
We set up the service lines.

00:03:52.181 --> 00:03:52.883
We do a lot.

00:03:52.883 --> 00:03:54.486
So it's a fun thing.

00:03:54.486 --> 00:04:05.762
And outside of that, which is very time consuming, I also am married to a wonderful, wonderful man, ricky, and we have a beautiful son, micah wonderful man.

00:04:05.861 --> 00:04:08.543
Ricky, and we have a beautiful son, micah.

00:04:08.543 --> 00:04:10.085
Hey Ricky and hey Micah for future.

00:04:10.085 --> 00:04:14.127
So how long have you been married?

00:04:14.147 --> 00:04:17.790
I've been married for two years now we're in our second year and I have been.

00:04:17.790 --> 00:04:22.853
Well, we're in our second year, I should say, and I have been a mother for five months.

00:04:22.853 --> 00:04:25.795
He'll be six months next week, so six months.

00:04:28.096 --> 00:04:28.278
Yes.

00:04:33.639 --> 00:04:35.142
Okay, so this is where it gets good.

00:04:35.142 --> 00:04:38.771
So you became a wife and a mother, very, very, very good, yes, so so, first of all, gosh, this is so public, right.

00:04:38.771 --> 00:04:39.312
So what do you say?

00:04:39.312 --> 00:04:39.913
What do you not say?

00:04:43.404 --> 00:04:45.108
But uh, yeah sure.

00:04:45.127 --> 00:04:46.831
Sure, just me and you you don't worry about just me, you.

00:04:46.831 --> 00:04:49.240
So we um, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:04:49.240 --> 00:05:05.807
So we got married and it's this really big, exciting thing and both of us love to travel and we had all these plans for traveling and we had decided we were going to take up skiing and all these winter sports, because, you know, we like water sports, but not on the water, so it's like winter sports, still another form of water.

00:05:05.807 --> 00:05:07.889
So we're like yeah it's really interesting.

00:05:08.822 --> 00:05:21.430
So we had planned this whole trip to Aspen, all these different things we were going to be doing for our anniversary actually that year, and a couple months later, you know, we realized no one was going skiing on the anniversary.

00:05:21.430 --> 00:05:34.663
We were actually going to be near a hospital or fresh out, and so that's what happened.

00:05:34.663 --> 00:05:38.355
It was just very quick, but you know what, sometimes it's the best way to do it right, because if we had to plan for it with both of our schedules?

00:05:38.355 --> 00:05:39.920
My husband's a major in the army.

00:05:39.920 --> 00:05:48.505
He's finishing up his last year before he retires after 20 years in, and both of us are extremely busy we are in two locations.

00:05:48.545 --> 00:05:49.689
A lot of times we have two homes.

00:05:49.689 --> 00:05:57.620
We're back and forth near base and then back in our home base, and so it's yeah, we would have not planned to have one.

00:05:57.620 --> 00:06:03.291
And what an unfortunate thing, because who knows if the next one would have been Micah, it might have been something else.

00:06:03.291 --> 00:06:04.173
So we're grateful.

00:06:07.062 --> 00:06:08.146
I love that perspective.

00:06:08.146 --> 00:06:11.230
You said you it's very possible that you wouldn't have.

00:06:11.839 --> 00:06:12.803
I mean, when do you find the?

00:06:12.843 --> 00:06:13.728
right time to have a kid.

00:06:13.980 --> 00:06:15.547
I've heard a lot of people say they plan.

00:06:15.547 --> 00:06:18.846
Then I've heard a lot of people say, even like you, you can't plan for it.

00:06:18.846 --> 00:06:26.754
So you know, I know couples that go into it and they're like, okay, we're going to do this, and then we're going to do this, and then we're going to plan, we're going to have a kid at this time and it's going to work like this.

00:06:26.754 --> 00:06:30.911
And even when you plan like that, there's so many things you still are not going to be able to plan for.

00:06:30.911 --> 00:06:33.127
So it's so much that happens in life.

00:06:33.127 --> 00:06:35.523
It's just like at some point you just have to do it.

00:06:35.523 --> 00:06:39.127
I know I was up until night and I just like work.

00:06:39.127 --> 00:06:39.567
Yes, yeah.

00:06:46.721 --> 00:06:48.408
I was sleeping like three, four hours a night.

00:06:48.579 --> 00:06:51.249
And so I just never was in the visible sun.

00:06:51.249 --> 00:06:56.029
So I was always working so, and so you want to take a break, right?

00:06:56.029 --> 00:06:57.526
You know I got this project coming up.

00:06:57.526 --> 00:07:02.264
I go oh, we got to onboard this client, oh, we got this you know coming up, kind of thing, and you never.

00:07:02.264 --> 00:07:04.627
It's never going to be a right time.

00:07:04.627 --> 00:07:08.634
You have to choose a time, like commit to a time.

00:07:08.634 --> 00:07:09.814
Basically that's what I think.

00:07:10.480 --> 00:07:18.762
Right, yeah, I think you're right, and I, I, um, I find myself in that same mind frame, you know.

00:07:18.762 --> 00:07:21.607
So cause my, my son came differently.

00:07:21.646 --> 00:07:22.930
He came with the man.

00:07:24.031 --> 00:07:33.446
Still quickly, yes, and so very quickly Day one Day one Day one, and so we so it.

00:07:33.586 --> 00:07:44.206
But we, you know, we talk about having more children and it's like in my head, it's like and when, and how right, I mean it's real Like, it's a real thing, it's a real conversation.

00:07:44.206 --> 00:07:59.942
You, you are very, very, both of us are very passionate about the work we do, right, and I want to talk a little bit for a minute just to because, like a lot of women, I mean, again, we won't talk about the exact number of years.

00:07:59.942 --> 00:08:03.386
But you know, we, we were, obviously we met at 2005.

00:08:03.406 --> 00:08:05.689
So you can figure this out.

00:08:05.709 --> 00:08:06.831
We let's just it Right.

00:08:06.831 --> 00:08:12.939
So we we're not, you know, let's just say we're not close to college age, years past 19.

00:08:13.139 --> 00:08:14.002
Ok, I go with that.

00:08:14.002 --> 00:08:19.024
Excellent, that means I'm just under that.

00:08:19.024 --> 00:08:19.466
Ok, great.

00:08:20.540 --> 00:08:22.709
So, so, just a few years past 19.

00:08:22.709 --> 00:08:24.182
So we are.

00:08:24.584 --> 00:08:53.500
A lot of women are starting to start families yeah, around the age we are now like that's becoming a trend, right um, and I think one of the unique things about that is we have been single for the majority of our life, so like without anything connected to us, right um, and so we've been moving in that, in that rhythm, in that way, and then all of a sudden boom, you know, husband, child, whoa.

00:08:53.500 --> 00:08:57.304
Ok, I want to talk a little bit about the before and after.

00:08:57.304 --> 00:08:59.047
Like, how do you make that adjustment?

00:08:59.047 --> 00:09:01.408
And like, how are you making that adjustment?

00:09:01.408 --> 00:09:08.376
And what was your life rhythm, more so before, family?

00:09:08.376 --> 00:09:09.864
Yeah, that's really interesting.

00:09:10.365 --> 00:09:15.989
I'm probably going to answer these questions, maybe out of order, but hopefully I'll touch on all of them eventually.

00:09:15.989 --> 00:09:16.991
This won't be long.

00:09:16.991 --> 00:09:20.700
It won't be long, I don't even remember what I asked you.

00:09:21.662 --> 00:09:28.369
So I think you know I'm obviously a woman of faith and so you pray over something for so long, right?

00:09:28.369 --> 00:09:36.332
So I for me, specifically in my life, I was very structured a little, you know, just structured in how I wanted things done.

00:09:36.332 --> 00:09:45.995
I was very disciplined and I did not want to have a child, if at all possible, before I was in a marriage because I, honestly, was not home enough.

00:09:45.995 --> 00:09:57.961
I knew that it was a great responsibility and I just didn't want I don't want to say it like this, but in my single years I felt like that would be more of a burden than a blessing because it would just be a lot of work.

00:09:57.961 --> 00:10:07.596
And I have seen so many women manage it, carry it, master it, excel at it and just are amazing at being single moms.

00:10:08.120 --> 00:10:10.448
I just didn't feel I was on their level.

00:10:10.448 --> 00:10:12.556
I don't think I'm on their level.

00:10:12.556 --> 00:10:13.480
I can't do it like that.

00:10:13.480 --> 00:10:15.585
That's just that looks tough.

00:10:15.585 --> 00:10:16.988
It looks tough to me.

00:10:16.988 --> 00:10:18.412
So I didn't particularly want that.

00:10:18.412 --> 00:10:41.025
So I always prayed for a spouse, a God-fearing, wonderful kingdom husband, and so when God allowed Ricky and I to meet and, just you know, we entered each other's lives, it was really interesting because it was like, wow, this is great, and the windows are open, and the doors are open and just, oh, we're going to do this, we're going to do that.

00:10:41.025 --> 00:10:47.265
The sky's the limit and you know, even though you're later in life right and not late in life, just later.

00:10:47.866 --> 00:10:48.609
Yeah, just later.

00:10:48.609 --> 00:10:52.187
And so, even though you're later in life, you're like I can do it now, like, yeah, let's do it, let's do it.

00:10:52.187 --> 00:10:54.081
All the stuff I'm waiting to do, let's do it, let's do it.

00:10:54.081 --> 00:11:02.070
And so then when we got pregnant, it was like I felt a little bit of a balloon, deflating, inflated.

00:11:02.730 --> 00:11:21.572
It took me and everybody's process is different when they find out that they're pregnant but it took me four months to process it because I had so many plans for marriage that I had literally not planned for pregnancy or for having a child.

00:11:21.572 --> 00:11:33.947
I only prepared for marriage and understanding that one can come with the other but it doesn't always come with the other Right, because I know so many people that have struggled within marriage and even some oh you get married, you have kids.

00:11:33.947 --> 00:11:36.288
We've lived a little longer now.

00:11:36.288 --> 00:11:40.312
We've seen that that doesn't always happen like that.

00:11:40.312 --> 00:11:52.609
So I did not have that belief that, oh, we're married and boom, gonna have a kid.

00:11:52.609 --> 00:11:54.134
That is our reality.

00:11:54.456 --> 00:11:56.200
However, that wasn't previously my beliefs.

00:11:56.200 --> 00:11:57.900
It is now.

00:11:57.900 --> 00:12:12.668
So I think that, in saying that, it took me a minute right to really understand how my life was going to be different.

00:12:12.668 --> 00:12:21.754
So one of the amazing things that happened and someone just brought this to my attention the other day is that I winded up having.

00:12:21.754 --> 00:12:29.197
It wasn't amazing at the time, but I wound up having to decrease my workload immediately because during the first trimester, they want you to rest.

00:12:30.179 --> 00:12:36.792
And obviously I was getting four or five hours of sleep each night, but never eight.

00:12:36.792 --> 00:12:37.613
What is eight hours?

00:12:37.613 --> 00:12:38.394
Who does that?

00:12:38.394 --> 00:12:39.427
People who do that?

00:12:39.427 --> 00:12:39.912
I don't know.

00:12:39.912 --> 00:12:40.599
I don't know how you do it.

00:12:41.120 --> 00:12:51.836
So I was never getting eight hours of sleep, and so you have to through the sensitivity of that time in pregnancy, me being, you know, later in years, having my first child.

00:12:51.836 --> 00:13:00.360
And so I went through that process and I had to decrease my workload, which was the first thing, and then it just started to become a spiral, right.

00:13:00.360 --> 00:13:10.288
It just started to become a spiral right or an unraveling or an unlearning for this podcast, of what my life used to be and what it used to look like.

00:13:10.288 --> 00:13:26.261
There, never to me and Ricky and I have a really wonderful relationship, but there, never to me was a threat of my life being significantly different because I was married, because he and I are so similar we're so similar that it's easy and I say we're different enough.

00:13:26.261 --> 00:13:28.729
Someone told me this about their husband and it was just fit us.

00:13:28.729 --> 00:13:29.660
I was like that's so perfect.

00:13:29.660 --> 00:13:33.330
We're similar enough that it's easy, but we're different enough that it's fun.

00:13:33.330 --> 00:13:34.980
So we got a few different.

00:13:34.980 --> 00:13:38.028
It makes it fun, but we're so similar, it's just easy going.

00:13:38.350 --> 00:13:43.587
So I never had a threat of having this significant change because we were married.

00:13:43.587 --> 00:13:45.211
It was easy, right.

00:13:45.211 --> 00:13:49.323
But with pregnancy and with a baby coming, that was significant.

00:13:49.323 --> 00:13:59.447
So we have a beautiful home, whatever we have a beautiful home and it's full.

00:13:59.687 --> 00:14:01.029
It was full at the time.

00:14:01.029 --> 00:14:03.254
So people are like how did you fill all the rooms?

00:14:03.254 --> 00:14:06.346
Because it's a house, why would I have an empty room?

00:14:06.346 --> 00:14:11.621
So the rooms were all full and we had to find a place for a nursery.

00:14:11.621 --> 00:14:13.245
So that meant giving up something right.

00:14:13.245 --> 00:14:24.087
I initially, in those first four months of really understanding what life was getting ready to be like, it felt like a lot of things were being taken right.

00:14:24.087 --> 00:14:27.386
So my autonomy at work, because I couldn't work as much.

00:14:28.671 --> 00:14:32.001
The ownership of my body because it was starting to go through things.

00:14:32.001 --> 00:14:44.140
I didn't understand the positioning of things at home that I had had there for so long because it was just easy and convenient for me to have things situated certain ways.

00:14:44.140 --> 00:14:45.346
All of that had to shift.

00:14:45.346 --> 00:14:48.246
We're not just talking about like spaces for a nursery.

00:14:48.246 --> 00:14:50.101
I mean like okay, now we need the pantry.

00:14:50.482 --> 00:15:06.613
Like finished and fixed, now we need the closets built out a little differently because we need to put things in different places that they weren't before, and so all of these neatly placed and organized and focused things became not so neatly placed and organized.

00:15:06.613 --> 00:15:46.508
So the house got a little just messy for a minute and I had to understand that while we were in transition and putting things there, some stuff had to go into storage until we found a place where it would go like being a military family for another year, where we don't always have autonomy of our time, because my husband's a major in the army, so he's a you know, officer, and he has different things that he's required to do with that and he's got to do it, and so he's a commissioned officer, and so for me it was like okay, so how am I going to do this on the times when he's not able to be present?

00:15:46.607 --> 00:15:47.168
with us.

00:15:47.970 --> 00:15:57.629
And I went through a tough spell because when you're single, I'm a very giving person and I lead with my heart.

00:15:57.629 --> 00:16:00.280
I think a lot of times, so I'm always focused on other people.

00:16:00.280 --> 00:16:02.403
I wasn't a selfish single individual.

00:16:02.403 --> 00:16:04.005
I was always helping someone.

00:16:04.005 --> 00:16:05.447
I was always doing different things.

00:16:05.727 --> 00:16:06.669
That was just my thing.

00:16:06.669 --> 00:16:16.129
But when I got, when we had our son or when we found out we were pregnant with him, it just felt like a lot of liberty was taken.

00:16:16.129 --> 00:16:18.402
I knew I couldn't go where I wanted to go.

00:16:18.402 --> 00:16:24.928
When I wanted to go there, there would always be, from now to the end of my life where are we going to do with the baby?

00:16:24.928 --> 00:16:30.600
Is he coming with us?

00:16:30.600 --> 00:16:31.081
Is he this, is he that?

00:16:31.081 --> 00:16:43.628
And so there was always that thing where I honestly felt like that big, bright future right Of traveling and this and Aspen, I felt it almost diminish and it was hard because that's not true.

00:16:43.628 --> 00:16:51.206
That's not true, but it was hard because what I saw wasn't what I was getting ready to experience.

00:16:51.206 --> 00:16:59.148
So, all the way through dating and engagement and the wedding and the marriage, I still see it.

00:16:59.148 --> 00:17:02.961
But as soon as we got pregnant, it was like dream snatch.

00:17:03.761 --> 00:17:29.211
Dream snatching pregnancy, and it was hard because I made it all the way to that point, having prayed all that time, right, and you get to the point where you have it and it's like, yeah, but it's not going to look like what you thought and that was so, you would think.

00:17:29.211 --> 00:17:31.253
To put this in perspective, sometimes people meet their spouse and it's like, oh, that doesn't like what you thought.

00:17:31.253 --> 00:17:32.365
Sometimes you get your house with your, so I don't like what I thought.

00:17:32.365 --> 00:17:33.480
Sometimes you're like like all that matched.

00:17:33.480 --> 00:17:39.396
I didn't have a specific vision for that, but if I wanted something, what I had was exactly you know what I wanted, so I didn't have an issue with it, but this did not fit.

00:17:39.396 --> 00:17:42.664
It didn't fit, so it was really difficult.

00:17:42.726 --> 00:17:48.359
So my life now, ironically, with Micah is very different.

00:17:48.359 --> 00:17:53.569
And his first couple of months here so fast forward through the pregnancy.

00:17:53.569 --> 00:17:56.295
His first couple of months here were challenging.

00:17:56.295 --> 00:17:57.563
He had a difficult delivery.

00:17:57.563 --> 00:18:12.605
But his first couple of months here were challenging just because, just because I was in the middle of it and every it was weird, because I didn't have I was really sensitive those first four months of pregnancy to what was going to happen.

00:18:12.605 --> 00:18:16.089
When I was in the thick of it it was like I was sensitive to the fact.

00:18:16.089 --> 00:18:17.692
I told her that I knew this was like.

00:18:17.692 --> 00:18:19.334
I knew this is what this was going to look like.

00:18:19.334 --> 00:18:20.836
I knew this was going to be hard.

00:18:20.836 --> 00:18:26.767
I knew there might be times where I was going to have to shoulder this alone.

00:18:26.767 --> 00:18:30.436
I knew this like it was all of these things like, ok, I knew this was going to happen and it was tough.

00:18:30.436 --> 00:18:35.632
And Ricky was able to take paternity leave, so he was home, you know, for 12 weeks, which was great.

00:18:35.632 --> 00:18:37.384
He was tremendous help.

00:18:37.423 --> 00:18:38.728
But then, of course, work.

00:18:38.728 --> 00:18:39.951
You have to go back to work.

00:18:39.951 --> 00:18:41.547
I thought I was going to be able to take off from work.

00:18:41.547 --> 00:18:42.089
I'm a business owner.

00:18:42.089 --> 00:18:43.236
I thought I was going to be able to take off from work.

00:18:43.236 --> 00:18:43.880
I'm a business owner.

00:18:43.880 --> 00:18:45.306
I couldn't.

00:18:45.306 --> 00:18:59.720
So in the midst of me recovering from a difficult delivery, having a newborn child for the first time in life, I had tremendous support from my mom and my husband and my mother-in-law, father-in-law, ex, and my dad wonderful, so they were very supportive.

00:18:59.720 --> 00:19:06.669
A few friends in town, but still I was still having to work month two, month three, month four.

00:19:06.669 --> 00:19:09.865
So I don't feel like my brain got to take a break either.

00:19:09.865 --> 00:19:17.712
So I don't know, I don't know if I answered those questions, but before and during was a huge transition for me.

00:19:17.712 --> 00:19:25.432
I'm going to say this because I think somebody might identify Children are a blessing for the Lord.

00:19:25.471 --> 00:19:27.226
Come on, Just flat out.

00:19:27.226 --> 00:19:31.885
I know she sees this where it's heading Because you got to start with the positive Period.

00:19:31.885 --> 00:19:36.519
Amen, they are a true blessing from God.

00:19:36.519 --> 00:19:42.472
I know people who would have prayed for a positive test, for a healthy baby.

00:19:42.472 --> 00:19:49.718
True blessing from the Lord, Right, but it is okay.

00:19:49.718 --> 00:19:53.627
So someone told me, a mother told me it is okay If you don't enjoy pregnancy.

00:19:53.627 --> 00:19:57.285
Every woman doesn't enjoy pregnancy, so it's okay If you like it.

00:19:57.285 --> 00:20:01.182
If you don't like it, they said it's okay, you choose which one it is for you.

00:20:02.044 --> 00:20:04.088
Um and I, I was middle of the ground.

00:20:04.088 --> 00:20:08.943
Some stuff was okay, Some stuff I was like I can do without this pain.

00:20:08.943 --> 00:20:29.000
But when you have kids and I'm still in six months into, I'm still in that first year of him when you have kids, it is okay for you to feel have kids.

00:20:29.000 --> 00:20:30.586
It is okay for you to feel the life change and the life differences.

00:20:30.586 --> 00:20:31.892
I was going to tell you something earlier.

00:20:31.892 --> 00:20:33.880
This is something I had to realize too, when you talked about the timing.

00:20:33.880 --> 00:20:36.707
Oh boy, People tell you this all the time.

00:20:36.707 --> 00:20:37.930
You really recognize it.

00:20:37.930 --> 00:20:39.040
When you have kids, you have a son.

00:20:39.040 --> 00:20:42.806
When you have kids, it's really not about us.

00:20:42.806 --> 00:20:45.849
It's really not about us.

00:20:45.849 --> 00:20:46.651
It's really not about us.

00:20:46.651 --> 00:20:52.003
I had to really think about what it means for him to be born at the time.

00:20:52.003 --> 00:21:00.201
He was born not in society, in our lives, my husband and my life.

00:21:00.201 --> 00:21:01.644
What does that?

00:21:01.743 --> 00:21:09.715
mean that he's being born at this age, in this stage, with the wisdom we have, with the knowledge we have, with the resources we have.

00:21:09.715 --> 00:21:10.500
What?

00:21:10.520 --> 00:21:13.547
does that mean for him and what does that allow for him?

00:21:14.580 --> 00:21:22.909
And then I had to look at OK, if I had to choose the time, would I have chosen this time For sure, that's a no I wouldn't have.

00:21:23.180 --> 00:21:25.794
I mean somebody might have, but come on Like I wouldn't have, I mean who somebody might have.

00:21:25.814 --> 00:21:31.431
But come on, yeah, like I wouldn't, not in the first year we were planning to have kids, uh, this upcoming year.

00:21:31.912 --> 00:21:37.510
So it wasn't like we wasn't, it wasn't on the docket, it was just it didn't add in the first year, correct?

00:21:37.510 --> 00:21:39.982
So, um, but things happen and God is God.

00:21:39.982 --> 00:21:46.134
So, yeah, um, I think I really settled into that when Micah was born.

00:21:46.134 --> 00:21:53.693
I spend so much time understanding, like that it's not about me, it's about him.

00:21:53.693 --> 00:22:05.478
I spend so much time being tuned into his personality and his like, needs, his desires, his wants than I have anything else.

00:22:05.478 --> 00:22:10.191
And I think that's interesting, because I wasn't necessarily brought up that way.

00:22:10.191 --> 00:22:13.401
Like, I feel like I wasn't a mom back then, I was a kid.

00:22:13.401 --> 00:22:32.780
My vantage point is different, sure, but I feel like growing up, I heard a lot more parents like stifling the kid and like really trying to make the kid fit them, as opposed to understanding the child and what that child might actually be saying, wanting, needing, in their own language, and that's hard to do.

00:22:32.780 --> 00:22:35.125
I understand why people didn't do it because they got to work.

00:22:35.125 --> 00:22:37.009
It's a full-time job.

00:22:37.852 --> 00:22:39.342
It's hard, yeah, it's really hard.

00:22:39.342 --> 00:22:40.565
It's very hard to do.

00:22:40.565 --> 00:22:46.480
It's hard, it's hard to do, and especially hard to do.

00:22:46.480 --> 00:22:48.465
It's hard, it's hard to do and especially, especially, when it wasn't your experience.

00:22:48.465 --> 00:22:50.932
So it is this shift, and I think it's a, I think it's a healthy shift.

00:22:50.932 --> 00:22:53.984
I know, I do think that there are plenty.

00:22:53.984 --> 00:23:01.787
There is, I would say, probably more to learn about parenting from our parents' generation, um than than not, than to not learn, like I think.

00:23:01.826 --> 00:23:04.211
I think most of it was healthy.

00:23:04.211 --> 00:23:09.144
I think we try to change some of it and it's not going well.

00:23:09.144 --> 00:23:12.730
We don't need to do that.

00:23:12.730 --> 00:23:16.343
Our generation is like no, none of this, none of this, take that away.

00:23:16.343 --> 00:23:34.644
And it's like well, pause, no, let's remember there were some things, but I love what you just said paying attention to who the child is Not not that they're yours, like they are, but they are.

00:23:34.644 --> 00:23:41.163
They are their own and they're coming into their own and you're not always going to have them, and so that's something that that we've, at least I've been thinking a lot about.

00:23:41.845 --> 00:23:46.593
Um, you know, our son is 10 and just I mean he's.

00:23:46.913 --> 00:24:12.060
You could see he came, I came into his life when he was seven and you can see the change, like he is so different and, um, there are some things that are similar, but there are some things that are very different and, like he's, he's matured in some ways and you know he's had more of this, less of that Like and so, but it's it's not, and it's not just a steady pathway, it's a we're.

00:24:12.521 --> 00:24:15.009
Some days we're negotiating this and some days it's this, it's.

00:24:15.009 --> 00:24:15.851
I thought you liked that.

00:24:15.851 --> 00:24:22.388
Last week he did, this week he doesn't, and I'm it's a constant learning of who he is and who he's becoming.

00:24:22.388 --> 00:24:33.204
And so, to your point, um, this, our um lives are also.

00:24:33.204 --> 00:25:01.637
We also have these responsibilities, um and so how do you, how do you mentally balance right now, like you're that kind of like, um, that thinking around Micah and what, like understanding and trying to understand him and learn him, even even as a six month old, with your responsibilities as a business owner, like it's and, and and and.

00:25:01.637 --> 00:25:06.148
Then we can even bring responsibility as a wife too, because that's a different thing.

00:25:06.169 --> 00:25:06.950
You know what I'm saying?

00:25:06.950 --> 00:25:09.625
Let's just be real, like that's a whole different thing.

00:25:09.625 --> 00:25:12.971
I think like people, wife and mother are two different things.

00:25:13.010 --> 00:25:14.625
Yes, it is, that's two different roles.

00:25:14.684 --> 00:25:21.722
Yes, that you have to, you have to constantly figure out how to harmonize those Right, so let's talk about that for a little bit.

00:25:21.762 --> 00:25:23.425
How are you managing all that Gosh?

00:25:23.425 --> 00:25:27.153
Some days well, some days not well, but I like I.

00:25:27.153 --> 00:25:30.528
Yeah, there are two things I've really focused in on.

00:25:30.528 --> 00:25:32.126
There's a book called the One Thing.

00:25:32.126 --> 00:25:36.951
Ooh, I'm going to forget the writer, the author.

00:25:36.951 --> 00:25:41.304
It's a New York Times bestseller, so you'll find it if you type in the One Thing on Amazon.

00:25:41.304 --> 00:25:41.924
Anybody who's looking.

00:25:41.924 --> 00:25:43.929
Okay, thank, you.

00:25:43.949 --> 00:25:58.661
I appreciate that Joy will come up with those in a second here She'll tell you and I was given this book by my big brother mentor and he gave it to me there's a chapter in the book that talks about counterbalance and balance and how balance is not really a thing.

00:25:58.980 --> 00:26:03.505
That yeah you counterbalance right, you swing one direction and then you swing back.

00:26:03.825 --> 00:26:07.327
There's a period you're having to focus on this and then you swing back this way and he focuses.

00:26:07.327 --> 00:26:19.136
You swing back this way and it talks about how you have to consider the things in your life as glass and rubber balls and they're all in the air, right, they're all in the air.

00:26:19.156 --> 00:26:21.728
Yes, okay, and you're trying to keep the balls from falling.

00:26:22.220 --> 00:26:27.948
The reality is, something is going to fall, yes, and the book explains drop the rubber, not the glass.

00:26:27.948 --> 00:26:41.531
Okay, so for me I like that is glass, ricky is glass and in some ways my company, my work, can be rubber.

00:26:41.531 --> 00:26:48.483
It's not always because it pays bills, but sometimes I mean, in the grand scheme of things, a priority list.

00:26:48.483 --> 00:26:50.669
It's not higher than them, right?

00:26:50.669 --> 00:27:02.209
And so I recognize there was years ago, when Scandal was in its heyday, the TV show Shonda Rhimes the creator, writer, all these things.

00:27:02.388 --> 00:27:11.648
She spoke at a graduation ceremony I'm going to forget for what college and she made mention of something.

00:27:11.648 --> 00:27:20.101
She said she has two children that she adopted and she said people ask her all the time how does she, you know, enjoy becoming a mother?

00:27:20.101 --> 00:27:23.369
How does she do that and be a showrunner and be a this and an any other?

00:27:23.369 --> 00:27:26.144
And she said how does she do that and be a showrunner and be a this and that and the other?

00:27:26.144 --> 00:27:36.768
And she said, uh, when my child was having their first day of school, I was on set, uh, seeing the last scene for the last show that whatever actor was going to create.

00:27:36.768 --> 00:27:46.374
And then she was like, when it was the opening whatever for another show, she was missing a dance recital for, like, there's no way to do everything.

00:27:47.000 --> 00:27:49.203
Yes, and it's still okay.

00:27:49.826 --> 00:27:50.727
And it's still okay.

00:27:50.727 --> 00:27:55.563
Like in what world or what society or what dream are we living?

00:27:55.563 --> 00:28:06.643
Or believing that every single thing we put our hand to we have the capacity to run efficiently in the same way Like there's?

00:28:06.643 --> 00:28:08.609
No one that can do that right.

00:28:08.609 --> 00:28:12.045
Where did that lie?

00:28:12.065 --> 00:28:12.507
come from.

00:28:12.740 --> 00:28:18.068
Honestly, I think it's an internal desire that what I put my hands to, I want to do well.

00:28:18.068 --> 00:28:24.609
What I commit to, I want to show up for what I, you know, position myself in.

00:28:24.609 --> 00:28:33.440
I want to make sure I give all of me to or it you know it represents and identifies me, whatever my name is on, you know, comes back to me.

00:28:34.021 --> 00:28:36.866
But again, micah is a rubber ball.

00:28:36.866 --> 00:28:49.250
So there are times, there are times I'm in meetings and you know I'll take a meeting and it's like, oh okay, well, he's resting, so I'll just jump on a call real quick, and then he gets up, right, right.

00:28:49.250 --> 00:28:57.866
And so for all of those who have meetings with me and I say, excuse me, just one moment, you'll just give me just one moment.

00:28:57.866 --> 00:28:59.526
That's where I'm going.

00:28:59.526 --> 00:29:01.807
I'm going to run and get a screaming child.

00:29:01.807 --> 00:29:14.125
And for those that see me mute and unmute, and mute and unmute, it's because I'm probably feeding him right in front of the camera, which is why it's all.

00:29:14.125 --> 00:29:15.105
And there are times that that happens.

00:29:15.105 --> 00:29:19.512
There are other times where I have to cancel meetings or I have to move a meeting.

00:29:19.512 --> 00:29:21.476
I'm six months in.

00:29:21.476 --> 00:29:24.224
I'm still figuring it out, but grace is such a powerful thing.

00:29:24.224 --> 00:29:28.323
To your point about being a wife and a mother, yes, grace is something.

00:29:28.323 --> 00:29:34.048
This is not what this podcast is about, but I will say this Grace is something that I learned in marriage.

00:29:36.890 --> 00:29:45.099
I knew the grace of God, I thought, yes, I thought, but grace is something that I learned in marriage.

00:29:45.099 --> 00:29:49.048
And we were actually we did a check-in for each we.

00:29:49.048 --> 00:29:51.749
We decided each anniversary we would check in with.

00:29:51.749 --> 00:30:03.669
We have two pastors that really pour into us and pastor us, and so one pastor, but the other one loves us and used to pastor us, so we we used both of them, but we have them pour into us.

00:30:03.669 --> 00:30:11.105
So when we hit anniversary, we decided to go and let's just do a session, just make sure we're good, Everything is straight.

00:30:11.105 --> 00:30:12.987
And so we're doing the session.

00:30:13.007 --> 00:30:17.851
And you know, I happen to make some things funny just because it's easier to say and to cope with.

00:30:17.851 --> 00:30:22.433
So I'm joking around, but obviously they know us, so they know what I'm saying when I'm not saying it.

00:30:22.433 --> 00:30:41.210
And this particular pastor goes into this speech about grace grace giving each other grace and I was like, wow, I thought I knew what that was and because of how it was presented, I went and did some more, you know, looking into that.

00:30:41.210 --> 00:30:45.367
And I feel the same way about having a child.

00:30:45.367 --> 00:30:49.063
It's not just grace for your spouse, it's grace for yourself.

00:30:49.765 --> 00:30:52.270
You know, I don't always feel my best.

00:30:52.270 --> 00:30:53.820
There was a time I didn't fit.

00:30:53.820 --> 00:31:00.800
I don't currently fit maternity clothes or my previous clothes, so I wear what I fit and I am not.

00:31:00.800 --> 00:31:02.321
I'm not used to that.

00:31:02.321 --> 00:31:03.722
I'm not used to.

00:31:03.722 --> 00:31:07.424
I'm not used to my body not responding to me doing different things.

00:31:07.424 --> 00:31:15.010
And the crazy part is I can't always blame it on pregnancy, because I'm also getting older, so I don't know.

00:31:15.010 --> 00:31:20.034
My hip went out the other day and I was like I don't know which one it was.

00:31:20.034 --> 00:31:22.315
Is it age?

00:31:22.315 --> 00:31:23.276
I don't know.

00:31:27.501 --> 00:31:31.192
You don't know, you don't know, it's really great and that's hard.

00:31:31.861 --> 00:31:33.186
I'm not perfect at that.

00:31:33.186 --> 00:31:34.967
I'm not perfect at giving grace to myself.

00:31:34.967 --> 00:31:36.986
I'm not perfect at that.

00:31:36.986 --> 00:31:40.250
So I do beat myself up when I have to move a meeting.

00:31:40.250 --> 00:31:49.954
I beat myself up more if he cries more than three minutes, which doesn't harm him at all, like he's crying, it's nothing wrong, he'll be okay.

00:31:49.954 --> 00:31:51.700
There's nothing harming him or injuring him.

00:31:51.700 --> 00:31:52.982
He's fed, he's changed.

00:31:52.982 --> 00:31:55.568
So I do, it gets to me.

00:31:55.568 --> 00:31:59.827
But then I have to remember I was never created to do everything.

00:31:59.827 --> 00:32:02.719
That's why we have a father who is supernatural.

00:32:02.719 --> 00:32:04.282
Because we're natural, we're human.

00:32:04.723 --> 00:32:15.838
We can only do a little but what we do if we submit it to the Lord, he'll make it plenty, and so, at the end of the day, I have to just believe that what I did that day was enough, and I'll start again tomorrow and do better tomorrow.

00:32:17.785 --> 00:32:24.446
So that is, I think, grace is a, it's a.

00:32:24.446 --> 00:32:26.606
It is a tricky concept.

00:32:27.601 --> 00:33:16.202
It is not, it is not easy to grasp and I'm glad that you, I'm glad you said what you said, because I think especially people women in particular that are high achievers, struggle with grace for themselves and then, in turn, if you don't have good grace, for yourself, you can't have good grace for others, and so your relational capital sometimes suffers as a result of that, and so it's such an important thing to understand, and I think I'm with you, I think I understand grace at a level I have not understood it before, having two humans attached to me Right Like it's like oh, wow, and not they're not just attached to me, I'm attached to them.

00:33:16.763 --> 00:33:49.084
Right, it is a, it is a both, and because they have to have grace for me and um and uh, and because of me, like they need I because I all day I am who I am, same and yeah, all day like, and I, I it's just, it's just what it is, and um, and so I think, and especially like you know, I don't know how, I don't know how this was um for you, but I know, like I'm I'm used to catching on to things pretty quickly, um, you know I'm used to okay, got it, got it, got it.

00:33:49.084 --> 00:33:49.364
Got it.

00:33:49.364 --> 00:33:56.441
Got it Like no, not this, Like not this, ain't no, got it.

00:33:56.441 --> 00:33:57.982
I mean it.

00:33:58.323 --> 00:34:00.946
It has been a journey and I think it is.

00:34:00.946 --> 00:34:07.556
It's very humbling and I'm grateful for that, because they are just unique.

00:34:07.556 --> 00:34:31.777
God uses different moments to humble us and I think especially and I keep coming to this because, again, I think there are a lot of women who are in this position, either who are single and will be married with children here in the next few years, or that's a desire that that they'll probably have, that that may or may not happen, um, or are in this stage where we are, where it's like fresh and new in your life.

00:34:32.677 --> 00:34:49.597
Um, but it is a um for, for those of us who have, who have I'm not going to say mastered, that's not the right word, but gotten very comfortable and thrive at some level in our single season.

00:34:49.597 --> 00:34:52.422
You know, you're kind of.

00:34:52.422 --> 00:34:56.351
You're kind of in this rhythm of success, like you're kind of hitting the mark.

00:34:56.351 --> 00:34:58.623
Ok cool, I got it, I got it, I got it.

00:34:58.623 --> 00:35:04.315
And then you get to this entirely new place and it's like where are my marks?

00:35:04.315 --> 00:35:06.581
Because I don't even know where they are.

00:35:06.621 --> 00:35:10.460
Anymore, marriage doesn't have a trajectory, neither does having a kid, and that's the thing.

00:35:10.519 --> 00:35:17.615
Like you know if you want to move up in business, whether you own it or you work for someone in a company there are steps to take.

00:35:17.615 --> 00:35:21.704
If you want to grow your company, there are steps to take.

00:35:21.704 --> 00:35:27.902
There are so many different things that have a step-by-step or at least a measuring stick.

00:35:27.902 --> 00:35:34.264
If you bring in this amount, if you make this amount in the company I mean if you work for a company you hit these milestones.

00:35:34.264 --> 00:35:36.297
There's a measuring stick.

00:35:38.313 --> 00:35:49.371
There's a measuring stick, there's a pattern for marriage because every single marriage is different, every single relationship to every child is different, and so for me, and I say this a lot.

00:35:50.012 --> 00:35:51.295
Marriage is an institution.

00:35:51.295 --> 00:35:57.610
I say that for two reasons because I need a measuring stick, all right.

00:35:57.610 --> 00:35:59.358
So marriage is an institution.

00:35:59.358 --> 00:36:14.351
There are certain things in marriage that will happen to every marriage that growing together, resources, whether you combine them or you leave them separate, that's a conversation, doesn't matter how you do it, still a conversation, right?

00:36:14.351 --> 00:36:20.614
That's something you go through the growing together, the changing one or another, the interest.

00:36:20.614 --> 00:36:22.398
There are things that are common to it.

00:36:22.398 --> 00:36:23.862
So I have a measuring stick now, right.

00:36:23.862 --> 00:36:25.731
So that's the institution part.

00:36:25.731 --> 00:36:27.452
Marriage, college institutions.

00:36:27.452 --> 00:36:37.418
We may go through different colleges, different places, different institutions, join different groups, study a different topic, but there's still certain things you're going to have.

00:36:37.418 --> 00:36:41.242
At every college you got to go to class, you got your general education requirements.

00:36:41.262 --> 00:36:43.143
You got all these things that's common.

00:36:43.603 --> 00:36:55.262
So I, for myself, found some common ground with marriage to say, okay, this is the common stuff that happens when we hit the common thing of finances.

00:36:55.262 --> 00:36:57.231
How did we make it through that?

00:36:57.231 --> 00:36:59.317
Now I have a measuring stick.

00:36:59.317 --> 00:37:05.277
When we hit the common thing of how we're going to raise our child, how did we make it through that?

00:37:05.277 --> 00:37:07.561
Now, we got a measuring stick.

00:37:07.561 --> 00:37:14.731
So for me it was a healthy way of seeing okay, we're going through similar things that everyone goes through.

00:37:14.731 --> 00:37:20.630
Everyone's going to go through those things completely differently, but how did we make it through what we went through?

00:37:20.630 --> 00:37:35.746
And then, as a person, as you said, coming from a single world for much of my life into marriage, who may have hung my hat on different success metrics, that's something I can measure.

00:37:35.746 --> 00:37:38.976
It just means to me, we're doing okay.

00:37:38.976 --> 00:37:42.222
We're doing okay Everybody's going through.

00:37:43.110 --> 00:37:47.621
It's people who think you're going to beat out certain things.

00:37:47.621 --> 00:37:51.818
You probably will, but beating it out doesn't mean you didn't go through it you did.

00:37:51.818 --> 00:37:54.213
You just beat it Like you just didn't have.

00:37:54.213 --> 00:37:59.914
It didn't have the impact on you that it could have, and so those are different things.

00:37:59.914 --> 00:38:12.467
I mean some things never enter certain marriages, but there will always be some common things that just coming together as two people, marriage is different from having like a roommate in life.

00:38:12.467 --> 00:38:18.340
But even if you have a roommate in life, there are certain things, yeah.

00:38:18.661 --> 00:38:19.402
Some things are similar.

00:38:19.442 --> 00:38:21.253
That's how I do it.

00:38:21.253 --> 00:38:32.778
I think it's healthy to do it that way, because there is no trajectory and you can feel lost, like I remember speaking to a young lady who was really fresh in marriage and she was like I wish there was like a handbook or a rule book or like what am I supposed to like?

00:38:33.340 --> 00:38:35.590
And I, literally at that time I wasn't married.

00:38:35.590 --> 00:38:39.820
I was just talking to her and I said, hey, just listen, they married you.

00:38:39.820 --> 00:38:47.201
Be you as you're being, you figure it out, but don't try to change you to fit a mold.

00:38:47.201 --> 00:38:52.077
That's another thing that we try, ricky and I try not to do.

00:38:52.077 --> 00:39:00.137
We're pretty I think we're decently good at it that we have determined that there is not a specific way this is supposed to work.

00:39:02.016 --> 00:39:02.708
It's just not.

00:39:02.708 --> 00:39:13.849
Yeah, no, no, you know, I was reflecting on that earlier of just like that's Everybody's different.

00:39:13.849 --> 00:39:20.164
So every time, you know, every single marriage is different because it's different, simply different people.

00:39:20.164 --> 00:39:23.338
Every single parenting experience is different.

00:39:23.338 --> 00:39:23.739
That's right.

00:39:23.739 --> 00:39:26.298
Because you're, you got different kids, that's right.

00:39:26.298 --> 00:39:29.440
You know, even in the same family I, I love um.

00:39:29.791 --> 00:39:34.414
There's a psychologist essentially said no parents have no kids have the same parents.

00:39:34.414 --> 00:39:41.398
Um, because you know, if you all have have other children, you'll be in a different space than you were with Micah.

00:39:41.398 --> 00:39:48.054
They're meeting different parents than Micah had and same for us.

00:39:48.054 --> 00:40:03.806
We won't like our, our, our next children won't be meeting the same parents that our son sees now, and so it will be different, and so there's there's something beautiful about that and very scary.

00:40:09.251 --> 00:40:12.239
Like, because you know, you just don't know what, what.

00:40:12.239 --> 00:40:13.643
So so, with that, what makes you um, I don't know.

00:40:13.643 --> 00:40:26.931
I realize we're parents are two different children, because yours is you can't talk yet, but, um, mine can a lot, and so, uh, what are the things, though, that make you nervous?

00:40:26.931 --> 00:40:29.199
Like, what makes you nervous?

00:40:29.199 --> 00:41:07.179
And I, I don't know, when I think about that, I think about just in this world that we are living in, um, and just the different levels of exposure, access, all of that that naturally come, some which we can control and some we can't, and what that looks like and how you, what you may have or may feel like you need to unlearn about how to manage that reality as you figure out, you know, as y'all walk through parenting, as you figure out, you know, as y'all walk through parenting.

00:41:07.199 --> 00:41:16.405
Oh boy, I think before we had Micah, while we were pregnant, I wrestled with having a child in the world today.

00:41:16.405 --> 00:41:19.288
I really wrestled with that.

00:41:19.288 --> 00:41:28.329
It felt like why in the world would you want to bring a child into this type of society?

00:41:28.329 --> 00:41:29.735
Yeah, Because it is wild.

00:41:29.735 --> 00:41:47.300
And I think somebody came to me so many brilliant mothers, just veterans you know kids of 50 years old, you know veteran mothers and one of them came to me and said all of us felt like that when we raised our kids.

00:41:47.960 --> 00:41:53.193
The world was always worse than what we had when we had our children.

00:41:53.594 --> 00:41:56.940
And it will continue to feel like that.

00:41:56.940 --> 00:42:02.036
I think the other thing that made me nervous, our pastor, apostle Bertha Terry.

00:42:02.036 --> 00:42:09.701
She has a book called Invisible Warfare and she talks about how in that book that the warfare against the parents is really against the family.

00:42:09.701 --> 00:42:22.590
It's invisible warfare against the family is really against the children, like the enemy will come against our adversary, our spiritual adversary will come against the parents in order to impact the kids, because he's already impacted us.

00:42:22.590 --> 00:42:31.983
The impact he did to us happened as kids and now he's trying to impact our kids and so anything that comes against our marriage comes against our person.

00:42:31.983 --> 00:42:44.653
It's to negatively impact our children, and it's a really interesting concept and, I think, a truth, and I took that to heart Also makes me nervous.

00:42:45.235 --> 00:43:01.597
A part of the thing in the book is that we have to serve God with our children more, like they need more of him than what we had, because they are experiencing things we never had to experience.

00:43:01.597 --> 00:43:07.780
Life is much different for them than it is for us, and what we had they need more of, not less of, they need more of.

00:43:07.780 --> 00:43:15.277
And so how do you cultivate that relationship with your kid than to have more than what you have.

00:43:15.277 --> 00:43:21.521
I think I have a pretty strong relationship with the Lord, but it still makes me nervous that I'm not doing enough for him.

00:43:21.521 --> 00:43:23.197
Am I reading the Bible enough to him?

00:43:23.197 --> 00:43:32.235
He's six months old, but at what point do you make it to where it's a part of his nature, like at what point is kingdom a part of?

00:43:32.277 --> 00:43:33.780
culture and not just church.

00:43:34.789 --> 00:43:38.400
So actually making that kingdom a culture for him.

00:43:38.400 --> 00:43:40.356
When we get up, we pray to the Lord.

00:43:40.356 --> 00:43:45.315
When we read during the day, not just at night, we have more than just a scripture.

00:43:45.315 --> 00:43:47.481
We talk to the Lord, we communicate.

00:43:47.481 --> 00:43:50.478
When something happens, we say let's pray about it.

00:43:50.478 --> 00:43:53.199
When does that become culture?

00:43:53.199 --> 00:43:59.764
We have all of these different customs that travel with different ethnicities or different groups of people.

00:43:59.764 --> 00:44:01.757
That is cultural for them.

00:44:01.757 --> 00:44:04.125
So kingdom is a culture.

00:44:04.125 --> 00:44:08.300
That's right, and we don't always use that with our children.

00:44:08.300 --> 00:44:12.000
So that keeps me on a verge of nervousness.

00:44:12.000 --> 00:44:13.021
Am I doing enough?

00:44:13.021 --> 00:44:17.635
Because there's only so many hours in a day and that's the whole rubber glass ball right.

00:44:17.635 --> 00:44:18.998
Did he get fed?

00:44:18.998 --> 00:44:19.981
Is he clean?

00:44:19.981 --> 00:44:20.842
Yes, yes.

00:44:22.630 --> 00:44:23.873
Is he still alive?

00:44:23.873 --> 00:44:25.076
Right, right.

00:44:25.135 --> 00:44:25.958
Is he Correct?

00:44:25.958 --> 00:44:29.244
Great day, great day, great day Congratulations.

00:44:29.244 --> 00:44:31.695
No, but sometimes that's literally.

00:44:31.695 --> 00:44:45.177
It's like I loved him, I fed him, I cleaned him, I hugged him, I played with him, I tried to teach him something, and then, you know, that's all I, because on the other hand, it's still work and wife, and it's a lot.

00:44:45.177 --> 00:44:47.134
Yes, it's a lot.

00:44:47.173 --> 00:44:47.574
Correct.

00:44:47.574 --> 00:44:55.378
Yes, yeah, you know, I um, as a I don't, I don't know I I I've told I don't.

00:44:55.378 --> 00:45:02.175
I don't give advice to anybody around this, I've only been in it for well, you know, yeah, amen.

00:45:02.175 --> 00:45:08.224
So what I'm about to say is not that, but, um, just my experience to that point of this.

00:45:08.224 --> 00:45:19.431
Uh, will they grasp right the kingdom culture, and you know, particularly like um juxtapose against what they're exposed to out here.

00:45:20.871 --> 00:45:37.443
Uh, and I have been, and so, in our case, right, um, he, he's not my natural child, so he has a whole life I'm unaware of and I was not a part of, and learned different things from different people that I don't have a relationship with.

00:45:37.443 --> 00:46:02.175
So he's coming in already with stuff, stuff, um, and so from on my end, like I don't necessarily have a fresh start, and then even from um, me and my husband as as a married couple, it I mean right, you know, even though that's his father, as a married couple we are starting from square seven, not square zero.

00:46:03.137 --> 00:46:09.903
so this, this idea of like, how do we manage what he's coming with with?

00:46:09.903 --> 00:46:37.353
What it is that we want to try to impact and instill in our story is God has his devotion as a 10 year old to the Lord.

00:46:37.353 --> 00:46:38.215
I attribute to God more than more than us.

00:46:38.215 --> 00:46:46.918
I am constantly amazed at how, how sensitive him, as a child, is to the voice of God, the presence of God.

00:46:47.278 --> 00:46:55.422
I mean, I can't, I would take me too long to really narrowing a couple of particular stories that, I mean, left me just stunned.

00:46:55.422 --> 00:47:13.594
And he has not necessarily been in church or you know in in that world for a consistent period of time as long as he has been here, but he totally honest, he got us more involved in church, more consistent.

00:47:13.594 --> 00:47:17.141
Um, we're there multiple times a week.

00:47:17.141 --> 00:47:23.675
My husband is in church more than I am, um doing stuff and just like that's awesome.

00:47:23.675 --> 00:47:24.617
But it's because of him.

00:47:25.117 --> 00:47:40.612
It's because of his desire, and we've only had him as a couple for coming on three years, and so it just it is just a testament to the children are just open.

00:47:40.632 --> 00:48:21.188
They are way more open than we are, which which you know, and so, like God, I think the the keeping, because, lord knows, my husband and I are very same, we're very human, I mean, yeah, we're just very human, you know, and, um, we love the lord, but we're human, we're gonna lean to the human, to the other side, we lean human, okay, and so I know that there is like our it's as far as routine and, like you know, traditions and all that stuff, when it comes to, um, a faith-filled household, I mean, we yeah, we're not very consistent in all that, if I'm just being honest, but that has not impacted his desire and love.

00:48:21.208 --> 00:48:27.360
for you know, I'm saying, and so I'm see, I see that I thank you Because man we suck a lot of times.

00:48:27.860 --> 00:48:29.423
No, you don't we do.

00:48:29.423 --> 00:48:32.496
It's the balls in the air.

00:48:34.159 --> 00:48:46.777
It is, it is the balls in the air and I, you know, but I think about my parents and some things that we did and just like the routine and consistency and all this stuff and like I'm like we don't like it.

00:48:46.777 --> 00:49:00.469
It's choppy over here, you know, and I'm not really sure how that's impacting him, but then it's like god, since these little reminders like no, I'm, I'm actually I'm filling in so many of your gaps.

00:49:00.489 --> 00:49:01.351
You don't even realize it.

00:49:01.351 --> 00:49:06.981
It's like you don't even know'd be saying some crazy stuff.

00:49:06.981 --> 00:49:11.215
This kid where you're like, first of all, where did you learn that he?

00:49:11.215 --> 00:49:15.291
He the other day he randomly sent me a prayer, like a prayer on youtube.

00:49:15.291 --> 00:49:16.673
He just sent it to me.

00:49:16.673 --> 00:49:19.860
He finds he's like and he can't.

00:49:19.860 --> 00:49:20.643
He calls miss abby.

00:49:20.643 --> 00:49:21.469
It's like miss abby, come in.

00:49:21.469 --> 00:49:23.150
You know, I sent you something.

00:49:23.150 --> 00:49:24.512
I was like, okay, I was on the phone.

00:49:24.512 --> 00:49:26.152
I said I'll look at when I get off the phone.

00:49:26.152 --> 00:49:28.072
And of course I didn't.

00:49:28.072 --> 00:49:30.135
I'm curious, I'm way too, I can't keep stuff.

00:49:30.135 --> 00:49:33.396
So I looked at him while I'm on the phone and I realized it was a prayer.

00:49:33.396 --> 00:49:42.021
I was like this little 10 year old boy just sent me a random prayer, scrolling through YouTube.

00:49:42.021 --> 00:49:42.840
Where did that come from?

00:49:42.840 --> 00:49:44.041
Really, really sweet.

00:49:44.041 --> 00:49:56.568
And he'll just have these moments, he'll ask these questions, he'll you know, and just the curiosity, the conviction, and that doesn't come from us and our routines and teaching and all of that.

00:49:56.967 --> 00:50:05.760
Anyway, I asked myself this because obviously the point in time I remember as a child I was probably five or six, but where my?

00:50:05.780 --> 00:50:06.682
memory actually can go back and remember.

00:50:06.682 --> 00:50:13.623
I think I was five or six and I just remember my mom just keeping us really active in church and doing things and coming home and praying with us and reading to us and this and the other.

00:50:13.623 --> 00:50:20.494
And ironically, she does the same thing with Micah she prays with him, she reads to him, she teaches him Right, thank you Jesus.

00:50:20.494 --> 00:50:22.135
And so I.

00:50:22.135 --> 00:50:29.565
But listen, gosh, every season of parenting, every season of life, every season of living is completely different.

00:50:29.565 --> 00:50:37.034
Before her they were having children at 13, 14, like my grandmother's age, you know.

00:50:37.034 --> 00:50:40.543
And then that dynamic they moved in, they were getting young, you know, very young, in their 20s or whatever.

00:50:40.543 --> 00:50:49.753
And then now we have, you know, present day dynamics which did both because we've had some 13, 14 years, anyway, so we have a little bit of both.

00:50:49.773 --> 00:50:55.625
But back then most people, it was more common to work a job than own a job.

00:50:55.625 --> 00:51:04.903
So most people had a nine to five, stressful, strenuous, but come home and I left it there.

00:51:04.903 --> 00:51:13.141
Whereas when you have a company, six o'clock is not always a clocking out time, you just can't always clock out.

00:51:13.141 --> 00:51:15.132
Come on, there's stuff that has to be done.

00:51:15.414 --> 00:51:27.721
And so when you have that still on your mind when you didn't get to get in your car and leave, and leave it there, and then you go back in and you sit at the work and you put it back on when you didn't get to do that.

00:51:27.721 --> 00:51:30.530
Or sometimes you come home, leave it there and then you go back in, you sit at the work and you put it back on.

00:51:30.530 --> 00:51:31.931
Well, you didn't get to do that.

00:51:31.931 --> 00:51:35.806
Or, you know, sometimes you come home even with that kind of a job, you have a conversation, you're like oh, I just happened to work and then I'm done with it.

00:51:37.170 --> 00:51:43.233
It just doesn't happen, and so it's really difficult then, to compare the two ages to me.

00:51:43.713 --> 00:51:46.735
To me because I was a last year kid.

00:51:46.815 --> 00:51:50.117
Both of my parents had jobs like that, so we did a lot on our own.

00:51:50.117 --> 00:51:58.862
They did what they could, but then also it was come home, do homework, pray bed and on the weekends they had more time to pour into us.

00:51:58.862 --> 00:52:01.943
Whereas I'm trying to, and they did some during the week too.

00:52:01.943 --> 00:52:06.106
I'm not saying that, but I just mean he's six months.

00:52:06.706 --> 00:52:07.766
We're keeping him home.

00:52:07.766 --> 00:52:24.369
He doesn't go to a daycare, and so whoever is there with me helps me pour, and when it's just me, I pour, but we're doing it all day, so I try to infuse.

00:52:24.369 --> 00:52:25.512
Hearing you say that just reminds me of the power of God.

00:52:25.512 --> 00:52:26.432
I read something on Facebook.

00:52:26.432 --> 00:52:36.545
I'm never going to remember what it exactly said, but the sentiment of it was all of you parents that are trying to oh something about picking the right school in the right district, and this says you're taking things out of God's hands.

00:52:36.889 --> 00:52:56.378
Okay, that God can literally do that with your child, wherever they are Like yes do your best to positively impact, do your best to give them what you can, but then let God be God, and what you just said, that just completely, was like okay, that helped me because it's like you know what I'm?

00:52:56.378 --> 00:52:58.025
Just I'm doing my best.

00:52:58.025 --> 00:53:03.840
I've got to settle in the fact that I'm doing my best and then I have to let God be God, that's it.

00:53:04.882 --> 00:53:08.614
Yeah, yes, that's it, it's, it's, that's it.

00:53:08.635 --> 00:53:22.572
It is literally the only thing you really can do, because everything else is a false sense of control, and so we're really just spinning our wheels, not going anywhere, just making yourself tired by continuing to do that.

00:53:22.572 --> 00:53:24.097
You said something earlier.

00:53:24.097 --> 00:53:26.815
It's not going to come back.

00:53:26.815 --> 00:53:33.965
You said something earlier that man I wanted to kind of come back to, because it kind of hit and it's not coming.

00:53:33.965 --> 00:53:35.550
I'm not going to spend any more time, that's okay.

00:53:35.550 --> 00:53:39.277
Um so, uh, but yeah, I uh.

00:53:39.277 --> 00:53:41.240
What?

00:53:41.240 --> 00:53:54.998
Um, this might be a little weird question, but and you may have addressed it earlier what things about you have you kind of had in the back of your head, like I wonder if this is going to change about me.

00:53:54.998 --> 00:54:05.539
Am I going to become more of this or less of this as a result of being a mom, and especially again being a mom?

00:54:06.481 --> 00:54:12.860
a little unexpectedly, so really soon, right, and you just weren't prepared for it.

00:54:12.860 --> 00:54:17.000
Are there things about you that you're like?

00:54:17.291 --> 00:54:37.648
I really like this about me and I kind of think it might change, not so much that I think most of the things first of all, before I got married I went through two healing classes so one virtually one in person, two different leaders, and went through a series at our church.

00:54:37.668 --> 00:54:43.771
That was very helpful, so before I got married, I was very much in a more centered place than I have ever been in my life.

00:54:43.771 --> 00:54:49.632
That could be maturity, but I attribute a lot of it to those healing journeys.

00:54:49.632 --> 00:54:56.811
So I feel good about who I am and where I am and I don't feel like that changes with a child.

00:54:56.811 --> 00:55:00.177
I feel like you impart that into your child.

00:55:00.177 --> 00:55:03.543
But I am very careful that gosh.

00:55:03.543 --> 00:55:12.405
There's certain things I really want him to you know, if you think about a documentary when he gets older and what he says about his mom, that's what I focus on.

00:55:12.405 --> 00:55:17.201
I'm like I want him to say my mom hugged me, kissed me and every night told me she loved me.

00:55:17.420 --> 00:55:26.141
Like my mom was my biggest cheerleader, you know you hear those things that people say when they get in the mic and you're like I want to be that mom, you know.

00:55:26.141 --> 00:55:28.644
So I'm very intentional with him.

00:55:28.644 --> 00:55:33.771
I have this thing I do with him, and I started doing it when he was a baby Baby.

00:55:33.771 --> 00:55:35.358
He's still a baby, baby, baby.

00:55:35.358 --> 00:55:37.536
It's so funny because he's bigger now and I'm like I want that.

00:55:37.556 --> 00:55:38.177
He's still a baby.

00:55:38.177 --> 00:55:39.201
It's weird.

00:55:49.409 --> 00:56:06.902
Anyway, when he was a baby, baby, I do this every single time he starts crying and I wipe his tears and I say mommy wipes the baby's tears every single time, mommy wipes baby's tears because I want him to have that internalized in him that you can come to your mom, that you can come to, and there's little things I add into him, just things like that that I hope he'll probably remember something negative.

00:56:06.902 --> 00:56:07.771
I don't know, maybe he'll.

00:56:07.771 --> 00:56:08.494
I hope he doesn't.

00:56:08.494 --> 00:56:09.358
I hope that's not reality.

00:56:09.358 --> 00:56:32.065
But I had a friend tell me that no matter what you do with your child, they're going to end up in therapy talking about you and that's actually freeing Not really scary, it's freeing because it's like, true, you can do your best, it's true, all right, I hope I know he will have so much positive to say about us, about how he's raised, about what we did with him, that he has those little moments that he can take with him.

00:56:32.065 --> 00:56:42.835
One of the nervous things that I probably should have mentioned earlier is we're older At the age I am now my parents.

00:56:42.856 --> 00:56:45.878
I was 20 years old with my parents or close there.

00:56:45.878 --> 00:56:47.961
I was in high school when they were my age Wow.

00:56:47.961 --> 00:56:51.626
Yeah, he's six months, that's real.

00:56:51.626 --> 00:56:56.938
So when you look down, the line I go what can he take with him If I'm not with him?

00:56:58.210 --> 00:57:04.842
that's nervousness for me and I really oh pause, cause that that's hold on.

00:57:04.842 --> 00:57:08.311
I'm sorry that something pause because that that's hold on.

00:57:08.311 --> 00:57:14.318
I'm sorry that something did that that's because that that is very real.

00:57:14.318 --> 00:57:18.583
Um, that's very real.

00:57:18.583 --> 00:57:19.905
I'll be honest, I don't know that.

00:57:19.905 --> 00:57:26.275
I've heard it articulated quite that way from, uh, parents who start their parenting journey a little older.

00:57:27.097 --> 00:57:31.802
Something to the effect of what can I give him that he can take with him if I'm not with him?

00:57:31.802 --> 00:57:36.027
Yeah, immediately.

00:57:36.027 --> 00:57:37.277
When did you start thinking about that?

00:57:37.277 --> 00:57:41.619
Immediately because my husband's retiring for the first time 20 years into military.

00:57:41.619 --> 00:57:42.583
He'll obviously retire again.

00:57:42.583 --> 00:57:47.251
He's not going to stop working at the age we are now, but that's the first retirement, all right.

00:57:47.251 --> 00:57:54.172
So we're at the age now where we're looking towards the second retirement and again at our age.

00:57:54.172 --> 00:57:56.938
Our parents are still to us young.

00:57:56.938 --> 00:58:03.438
When he gets our age, with God's grace, we'll still be here.

00:58:04.641 --> 00:58:05.623
We pray all the time.

00:58:05.623 --> 00:58:10.112
Lord, I want to see him through high school and college and marriage and kids.

00:58:10.112 --> 00:58:12.597
I want to see him do that.

00:58:12.597 --> 00:58:15.784
But life is life and none of us know.

00:58:15.784 --> 00:58:17.152
We're life heads.

00:58:17.152 --> 00:58:25.215
And because we're at this age and he's at that age, lord, what can we give him in case we're not with him?

00:58:25.215 --> 00:58:29.746
We've been very intentional every step of the way.

00:58:29.746 --> 00:58:34.336
I'm always pouring in because I have seen some of the best people.

00:58:34.336 --> 00:58:36.503
I don't necessarily consider myself.

00:58:36.503 --> 00:58:38.114
I think people see other people.

00:58:38.114 --> 00:58:40.380
Oh, you always think somebody else is just the best you know.

00:58:40.380 --> 00:59:00.722
So you don't always see yourself like that, but I've seen some of the best people leave here with kids that are six and 10 and this and that, and I watch their children, I watch their spouses and I'm like gosh and all you can do is pray with the hope and faith that you'll be here to see it.

00:59:00.722 --> 00:59:07.380
You're going to live to see it, yes, but in case God's will is different, what do I give him, now that he'll have to live to see it?

00:59:07.400 --> 00:59:09.586
Yes, but in case, God's will is different.

00:59:09.586 --> 00:59:12.434
What do I give him now that he'll have later?

00:59:16.692 --> 00:59:18.177
And you're making me think.

00:59:18.177 --> 00:59:22.733
My mom had my sister when she was 40.

00:59:22.733 --> 00:59:24.137
She was 39 or 40.

00:59:24.137 --> 00:59:32.918
And so she's, my mom is turning 7, 75, this year.

00:59:33.820 --> 00:59:50.045
Um, and uh, I one thing that both her and my father, um, they, they were very, very comfortable talking about their death with us, very young, with me, particularly because I'm the oldest.

00:59:50.045 --> 00:59:52.237
They would say it a lot.

00:59:52.237 --> 00:59:58.882
They would, you know, to this day, my dad will send a text message if he's in the air.

00:59:58.882 --> 01:00:01.076
You know, this is where all the stuff is Right.

01:00:01.076 --> 01:00:06.481
This is what he sent me an email one time, I think I was in college.

01:00:06.481 --> 01:00:08.295
This is what I want a funeral to be like.

01:00:08.295 --> 01:00:11.097
This is the people I want.

01:00:11.097 --> 01:00:11.981
This is the songs I want.

01:00:11.981 --> 01:00:13.074
This is the type of casket I want.

01:00:13.074 --> 01:00:14.148
I mean, I have it down to the detail.

01:00:15.621 --> 01:00:18.650
This has been a recurring and I wonder.

01:00:18.650 --> 01:00:23.887
I think this is partly just because this is their just um.

01:00:23.887 --> 01:00:28.155
I think their faith is driving most of it, um, and.

01:00:28.155 --> 01:00:54.490
But I wonder if some of it, particularly for on my mom's side, was the reality is, I don't know how long, because I'm not 20 something when I'm having you, you know, I've never even asked for that I'm, I don't, I don't know, but that perspective is so rich to me because and I'm so grateful that that's why that's the only thing you certain time in your life.

01:00:54.490 --> 01:01:18.789
But the reality is for older parents that that, that will, that can there's a higher probability that it comes more quickly.

01:01:19.048 --> 01:01:25.025
We don't know, you know or we could, but also, I mean, you know how?

01:01:25.025 --> 01:01:25.949
How are you going to?

01:01:25.969 --> 01:01:26.492
be at 95?

01:01:26.492 --> 01:01:26.492
.

01:01:26.492 --> 01:01:27.315
But also, I mean, you know how?

01:01:27.315 --> 01:01:28.298
How are you going to be at 95?

01:01:28.298 --> 01:01:29.664
And somewhere in Italy with the other 95 year olds.

01:01:30.425 --> 01:01:31.726
You probably still can't do nothing.

01:01:31.726 --> 01:01:34.090
There you go Right, all two of them.

01:01:34.090 --> 01:01:39.298
So it's just, that's such a rich.

01:01:39.298 --> 01:01:40.500
I love that you said that.

01:01:40.500 --> 01:01:47.929
I think that's real and I think that it's a healthy space for a lot of older parents to really be.

01:01:47.929 --> 01:01:54.300
Like, how can I be intentional about pouring into my children as much as I can without knowing?

01:01:54.300 --> 01:02:01.356
Now, that's healthy, I think, at any point, because, like I say you never know, you don't know, right, but particularly with older children.

01:02:03.206 --> 01:02:18.396
So the ultimate thing is right, focusing on the child, right and so, and not really my own or our own mortality Right, so really focusing on him and the thing that I really want more than anything is for him to be prepared.

01:02:19.496 --> 01:02:19.876
That's it.

01:02:19.876 --> 01:02:21.016
I don't necessarily so.

01:02:21.016 --> 01:02:22.717
My mother did so much what your father does.

01:02:22.717 --> 01:02:25.079
Mother did so much what your father does.

01:02:25.079 --> 01:02:35.748
Ricky's parents because I'm the baby, but Ricky's parents because he's the oldest did what your parents do to him making sure he's ready, he's prepared.

01:02:35.748 --> 01:02:36.492
My mom really just sends us check-ins.

01:02:36.492 --> 01:02:37.016
Do you know where this is?

01:02:37.016 --> 01:02:37.539
Do you know where that is?

01:02:37.539 --> 01:02:38.423
Do you remember what we told you about this?

01:02:38.423 --> 01:02:42.347
And then we have to kind of spit back out where those things are, just so we know when things happen.

01:02:42.347 --> 01:02:49.670
But again, her thing in doing that is for us when, if this happens, when this happens, we don't want you stressed.

01:02:50.472 --> 01:02:51.152
We don't want you.

01:02:51.411 --> 01:02:53.594
So we're, we're doing something similar for him.

01:02:53.594 --> 01:02:58.777
Yeah, life insurance for him for us, for this, like, what do we have in place?

01:02:58.777 --> 01:03:03.679
A trust, a this or whatever it is that we can do at whatever age?

01:03:03.679 --> 01:03:04.579
How do we?

01:03:04.579 --> 01:03:09.242
Have it set up so that he doesn't have to worry If something happens.

01:03:09.242 --> 01:03:17.028
Does he have a custodian?

01:03:17.028 --> 01:03:17.469
Does he have a?

01:03:17.469 --> 01:03:20.916
The God's honest truth.

01:03:20.916 --> 01:03:23.402
We fully believe and have hope we'll be here until he has kids.

01:03:23.422 --> 01:03:24.423
But so can we prepare him as much as possible?

01:03:24.423 --> 01:03:26.005
And so preparation is one thing for him.

01:03:26.005 --> 01:03:47.342
But the second thing is how do we establish in him no matter how many siblings, or if he has siblings, how can we instill in him a sense of self and a sense of not really autonomy, but gosh, just self-awareness, self, just pride.

01:03:47.342 --> 01:03:57.858
Just what can we instill in him that he can stand on his own and that if he's in this world, we know he's OK and we're proud of him.

01:03:57.858 --> 01:04:00.650
And we know he's OK Because the world is crazy.

01:04:01.266 --> 01:04:03.172
There are things we cannot protect him from.

01:04:03.172 --> 01:04:13.168
It's really great to understand the limits of your control, so you can place things in God's hands that belong there, but the things that we can control we really do try to, and so that's just one.

01:04:13.188 --> 01:04:14.673
We just try to be intentional about that?

01:04:22.907 --> 01:04:24.248
So let's end on this.

01:04:24.248 --> 01:04:31.032
I want you to just talk to people who could be in your shoes, in my shoes.

01:04:31.032 --> 01:04:43.378
They're a little older, had an established life before, kind of got their world turned around real quick with this addition of multiple humans that they now have to be aware of every day, right?

01:04:43.378 --> 01:04:48.222
So what are some things that you would encourage them?

01:04:48.222 --> 01:04:50.266
And sure, ah, I don't know.

01:04:50.266 --> 01:04:51.911
Okay, I'm going to combine these two questions.

01:04:51.911 --> 01:04:52.393
I did want to.

01:04:52.393 --> 01:05:24.452
You talked about your this healing journey, but maybe this is maybe it's gonna be one in two, one one, one of the same question and how you, uh, a lot of the things about yourself you have kind of learned to accept and understand and like love and that's not something you really, but it's because you were going through this, this healing journey what, how would you encourage women who are headed to this part of their life to heal and what, what things would you encourage them to unlearn Like?

01:05:24.472 --> 01:05:27.436
just to prepare for what might be coming.

01:05:27.436 --> 01:05:28.920
Boy that was heavy.

01:05:28.920 --> 01:05:38.342
First thing I will say to anyone, any woman who is out there, who is successful, who is thriving, who is striving, who is single or dating or getting married, is married.

01:05:38.342 --> 01:05:58.135
Whoever you are, if you're out there and you believe the best of yourself and that you're amazing because you are, and that you are excellent and you've got your T crossed and your eyes dotted and everything is buttoned up, it's not oh, good, release that.

01:05:58.235 --> 01:06:00.358
Yes, it's not yes, absolutely, it's not.

01:06:00.358 --> 01:06:06.766
There are things that that we have grown up with that we cannot see.

01:06:06.766 --> 01:06:08.947
They are blind spots.

01:06:08.947 --> 01:06:20.735
We have roots, what we're taught in one of our healing classes trees and fruit and a lot of the roots allowed us to create things in our tree to hold the fruit.

01:06:20.735 --> 01:06:44.887
But there were some roots we never needed, should have never experienced, went through and did the best we could and we have created these trees around these roots that we no longer need and we have personalities and attitudes and nuances and things that come up because of roots that we don't need right now.

01:06:44.907 --> 01:06:54.396
Quickly, there was a toxic environment that I had as a child in some instances and I didn't realize that the communication styles that were around me were because of the toxicity.

01:06:54.396 --> 01:07:00.882
I took those communication styles into a healthy environment and didn't understand why people didn't receive me.

01:07:00.882 --> 01:07:12.094
But when I became another version of myself even before healing version of myself and I went back into that environment, I recognized it was toxic.

01:07:12.094 --> 01:07:15.851
But I also recognized why and because I didn't have the why I didn't need the toxicity.

01:07:15.851 --> 01:07:18.521
That's something you have to unlearn.

01:07:18.521 --> 01:07:21.829
I didn't need it because the reason wasn't there.

01:07:21.829 --> 01:07:23.753
It was toxic because of this.

01:07:23.753 --> 01:07:26.927
But if I don't have a this, I don't need to be toxic.

01:07:26.927 --> 01:07:30.677
They probably don't either, but they're trying to make it through right, that's a tree and a root.

01:07:30.677 --> 01:07:31.505
Wow.

01:07:31.525 --> 01:07:34.576
So, my thing is there's so many of us that do that.

01:07:34.576 --> 01:07:51.509
I talk to so many women who are on a relationship journey that I was just recently on just came out of in marriage that always believed they were good and it's always the other person and you always believed they were good and it's always the other person.

01:07:51.509 --> 01:07:52.490
And you are good and you're amazing.

01:07:52.490 --> 01:08:09.405
But you got some roots that you don't really need the trees that you have fruit that's hanging that people are trying to show you are not as healthy as you think and it's a blind spot and you can't see it because who you are, you've been able to use who you are to get to where you are.

01:08:09.405 --> 01:08:20.354
But you could also do it differently, and I use this example not to embarrass anyone and say anything, but because it helped me in life.

01:08:21.034 --> 01:08:30.332
There was an instance where I was helping a young lady who was a really phenomenal track runner and we got to a point where they were trying to change the way they run.

01:08:30.332 --> 01:08:47.984
This has happened to multiple young ladies that I know, by the way, but they were trying to change the way that they ran, and how they ran before was amazing, like record breaking, and you know, getting awards and certificates and all the things.

01:08:47.984 --> 01:08:58.176
But when they got into another setting they couldn't run like that and what they were trying to teach them was hey, in this setting, if you run like that, you're going to hurt yourself.

01:08:58.176 --> 01:08:59.525
You got to change your gait.

01:08:59.525 --> 01:09:10.528
Cece Winans just went to vocal class like for the first time in the woman been singing who thinks CeCe Win woman, but because of she wants to not hurt her voice.

01:09:10.528 --> 01:09:15.237
Hey, at this age, if you keep doing that, it's going to injure this.

01:09:15.398 --> 01:09:30.613
so I think, as we grow as women, when you get to a certain stage in life you have to realize if you keep doing it like that, like you've done for 20 years and 10 years and five years, it's going to injure something and it could very well injure a relationship.

01:09:30.613 --> 01:09:39.671
And so if this is what you're pursuing and what you or your child yeah, this is what you're pursuing and what you want healing, I cannot say enough about it.

01:09:39.671 --> 01:09:42.171
Offline, I'll tell you which classes I went to.

01:09:42.171 --> 01:09:47.938
I recommend everyone join at least one and be intentional about being on your healing journey.

01:09:48.564 --> 01:09:58.606
And then your second question was about Uh-huh Learning.

01:09:58.646 --> 01:09:58.807
Like.

01:09:58.807 --> 01:10:01.034
What things would you encourage women to unlearn?

01:10:01.034 --> 01:10:08.398
But like, as they are making the shift, like it would be helpful for you to unlearn these things.

01:10:08.725 --> 01:10:11.327
Oh, this is a shift in your life you expect to make.

01:10:11.327 --> 01:10:17.113
We're going to have to do that on another podcast, but let me, let me just say this Cause, listen, that could have started at the beginning of this one.

01:10:17.113 --> 01:10:21.332
Listen, I'm very self-aware.

01:10:21.332 --> 01:10:24.529
Most women, I feel, are highly self-aware.

01:10:24.529 --> 01:10:29.858
If you've been single for a long time, you spend a lot of time working on yourself, you know, really trying to put in the work right.

01:10:29.858 --> 01:10:31.119
So I'm highly self-aware.

01:10:31.119 --> 01:10:40.019
And yet when you get into a relationship, it's not about you and so your high self-awareness.

01:10:40.019 --> 01:10:51.417
You're only really aware about what you think is an issue or what you think is really great, but the in-between stuff that you don't really acknowledge or care about, somebody else might.

01:10:55.645 --> 01:10:57.529
Somebody else might.

01:10:57.529 --> 01:10:58.631
That's really Something random.

01:10:58.631 --> 01:11:00.836
But you're like, hey, okay, why is that an issue?

01:11:00.836 --> 01:11:02.059
Yeah To me.

01:11:03.945 --> 01:11:10.586
Men don't always identify as frequently issues in women, unless there's some kind of, like I said, toxicity there.

01:11:10.586 --> 01:11:30.759
Don't always identify as frequently issues in their partners as much as women do with them, and it's very helpful to know that just because it's not spoken doesn't mean it's not seen, and so I would unlearn the fact that we have to be teachers in all settings because you don't have to.

01:11:30.759 --> 01:11:49.180
You could really just introduce yourself to people and let people be people and, as there being people, encourage, support and pull out their best self in a way that's not teaching, preaching or like scolding.

01:11:49.180 --> 01:11:54.837
I think there's a level of being best friends with my husband that was really helpful for that.

01:11:54.837 --> 01:11:56.069
This is going to be so funny.

01:11:56.069 --> 01:11:58.496
Gosh Lord, have mercy, but I'm going to say it anyway.

01:11:59.765 --> 01:12:00.990
I watch a lot of different shows.

01:12:00.990 --> 01:12:05.314
Okay, I watch old movies from 19, whatever 18s.

01:12:05.314 --> 01:12:06.666
Yes, I watch a lot of different shows.

01:12:06.666 --> 01:12:08.048
I watch old movies from 19-whatever 18s and on up.

01:12:08.048 --> 01:12:08.590
I watch a lot of shows.

01:12:08.590 --> 01:12:12.617
The show I lean on before I got married, before I was dating my spouse, who's the Boss?

01:12:12.617 --> 01:12:13.899
I love that show.

01:12:15.824 --> 01:12:17.579
Don't ask me why I love the show.

01:12:17.579 --> 01:12:18.104
I love it too.

01:12:18.104 --> 01:12:20.140
Love that show, the thing that I really love Excellent show.

01:12:20.161 --> 01:12:22.131
I love that show he was from Brooklyn.

01:12:22.131 --> 01:12:31.065
I think she was an ad exec in Connecticut, uh-, I think she was an ad exec in Connecticut and she never tried to change him.

01:12:31.065 --> 01:12:32.587
She never tried to change him.

01:12:32.587 --> 01:12:35.007
She loved him as he was.

01:12:35.007 --> 01:12:38.810
There were times she was a little embarrassed, but she never told him to stop being him.

01:12:39.210 --> 01:12:39.551
Yeah.

01:12:39.890 --> 01:12:45.274
It was the most unique thing and I was like she loved this man for who he was.

01:12:45.274 --> 01:12:47.975
I will never forget that.

01:12:47.975 --> 01:12:54.779
I took that with me and I said, lord, if you send me someone, help me to see who they are, not who.

01:12:54.779 --> 01:12:56.298
I think, oh, this would fit better with me.

01:12:56.298 --> 01:12:59.621
I think you need to be, or this would be an easier thing.

01:12:59.621 --> 01:13:01.442
I think it doesn't have to be easier.

01:13:01.442 --> 01:13:02.662
It doesn't have to be.

01:13:02.662 --> 01:13:05.085
Let me love this person, because guess what?

01:13:05.085 --> 01:13:07.127
I'm asking you to do that for me.

01:13:07.127 --> 01:13:10.729
I'm asking you to love me as I am.

01:13:10.729 --> 01:13:13.990
So we have to unlearn that we have to teach everybody to be who they need to be.

01:13:14.751 --> 01:13:16.412
We don't have to make them over.

01:13:16.412 --> 01:13:23.877
Actually, we can always see better in their future and encourage them, but we don't have to push them Again.

01:13:23.877 --> 01:13:30.100
We got to give God something to do so at some point.

01:13:30.100 --> 01:13:47.618
And listen that's not easy to sit and watch, but if you're both healed, I can hear you and you can hear me and we can have this conversation and dialogue and you don't feel like I'm pressing on you and I don't feel like you're rejecting me.

01:13:47.618 --> 01:13:49.689
I can feel like we're having a conversation.

01:13:49.689 --> 01:13:50.752
You met me where you are.

01:13:50.752 --> 01:13:54.149
I'm speaking to you where I am and we may not be in the same point.

01:13:54.149 --> 01:14:01.548
So we'll have it again another time and maybe we'll meet at that point at another level, and then we'll understand each other on this point again.

01:14:01.708 --> 01:14:08.735
Like unlearn, the fact that it just has to be easy and in some ways, you're saying it has to be your way.

01:14:08.735 --> 01:14:13.761
You don't think you're saying that, but what you're saying is I need it this way.

01:14:14.261 --> 01:14:23.207
Well, if you need it that way, at some point in the future you will be able to custom, make and create, but right now, it's 2025, you can't.

01:14:23.207 --> 01:14:32.474
And people come to you as people, as flawed people, with hurts and trials and triumphs and successes and victories.

01:14:32.474 --> 01:14:35.595
They want to be celebrated like you want to be celebrated.

01:14:35.595 --> 01:14:39.717
They want to be not held.

01:14:39.717 --> 01:14:40.519
What am I trying to say?

01:14:40.519 --> 01:14:59.658
They want to be cared for and the things that you want to be cared for about, like everybody is coming to you as a human being and to have this idea as women that we have I'm going to stop here because you know I can talk about this all day but to have this idea as women that we have that the man is there to save our day.

01:15:00.386 --> 01:15:04.094
We have literally given him a job that he did not apply for.

01:15:04.094 --> 01:15:15.693
My Lord, no, he's coming to be your partner your spouse, your friend your lover Like he's coming to be that as he is.

01:15:15.693 --> 01:15:29.614
But we've given prerequisites for everything and then we have a very detailed job description that they didn't sign off on job description that they didn't sign off on.

01:15:29.614 --> 01:15:31.095
So you got to let grow with them.

01:15:31.095 --> 01:15:31.877
No, they did not.

01:15:31.877 --> 01:15:33.859
So that's a part I would unlearn.

01:15:33.859 --> 01:15:35.661
The teaching I would not be.

01:15:35.780 --> 01:15:46.329
I tell my husband this all time if he had met me prior to my healing journey, we would not be married.

01:15:46.329 --> 01:15:50.256
I would have already driven him away, like already, and, truth be told, I probably wouldn't have wanted you.

01:15:50.256 --> 01:15:52.179
I'd be like you need to be like this.

01:15:52.179 --> 01:15:59.806
But that comes from having that's you said earlier an element of control.

01:15:59.806 --> 01:16:23.456
There are things that you have in place to protect you from things that you no longer need protection from you, from things that you no longer need protection from, but if you don't get healed from that, those trees remain, that mindset remains and that fruit remains, and it will prevent you from moving forward.

01:16:23.475 --> 01:16:25.257
So that's what I would say.

01:16:25.257 --> 01:16:28.622
I hate that I should have had you on the unlearning marriage, but we gonna do that again.

01:16:28.622 --> 01:16:34.944
We gonna do it again because I just feel like there's a lot that we could talk about in there.

01:16:34.944 --> 01:16:43.452
I think, everything you said also applies to children, right, and it's one of those things that you know.

01:16:45.261 --> 01:17:02.666
You know, obviously, every child is not raised by married parents, but if they are that that understanding absolutely translates and is so necessary to understand within the context of your relationship with your spouse so that it can transfer to your child.

01:17:02.666 --> 01:17:20.091
Um, and, and I think, like I love that because children, there's a lot of things that teach us and, yeah, we got to teach and train children, but it doesn't always have to be with through my words and through like it.

01:17:20.091 --> 01:17:21.655
There are there are multiple ways.

01:17:21.756 --> 01:17:39.838
Environments teach us more than I think anything else, and so what is creating the right environment mean for teaching, and not just trying to create a sliver of space and say, okay, this is the time I'm teaching you and da, da, da, da, da, da, okay, cool, and so we need to do that and understand.

01:17:39.838 --> 01:17:50.613
So, and I guess, when you're saying like you don't always have to be teachers when it comes to children, well, I think my mom says it's not always in the way we think we are.

01:17:50.634 --> 01:17:52.256
Somebody said this one day.

01:17:52.256 --> 01:17:53.319
Too late, too late.

01:17:53.319 --> 01:17:57.810
Ok, sorry, mom.

01:17:57.810 --> 01:17:58.811
My mom said this one day.

01:17:58.811 --> 01:18:01.114
She wanted us to go ahead.

01:18:01.114 --> 01:18:02.377
She's very proud of Mike.

01:18:02.377 --> 01:18:05.581
He's five months old, she thinks the world of him and he can do anything.

01:18:05.581 --> 01:18:11.328
She's the first time grandparent and she loves it.

01:18:11.328 --> 01:18:12.792
He's five months old, she thinks the world of him and he can do anything.

01:18:12.792 --> 01:18:13.756
She's a first time grandparent and she loves it.

01:18:13.775 --> 01:18:15.962
She's such a great she's such a great grandma, but she said this one time she's like we need to start teaching.

01:18:15.962 --> 01:18:17.145
I want to wait to see his learning style.

01:18:17.145 --> 01:18:18.347
I'm watching him.

01:18:18.347 --> 01:18:20.212
That's all.

01:18:20.212 --> 01:18:27.347
I'm saying I want to let him be him before I impose upon him something that may not fit him and his learning style.

01:18:27.868 --> 01:18:45.341
That's how it translates that I'm watching him intently to see what he does, how he pays attention, what he picks up on, so that I can teach him in a way he best learns, as opposed to scolding him for not learning the way I choose to teach him, holding him for not learning the way I choose to teach him.

01:18:48.780 --> 01:18:58.197
It's Correct, it's, it's a total, it's a different framework and it's it I and I love that and I think again, that is um.

01:18:58.197 --> 01:19:02.530
You create the environment for discovery Right, and that is.

01:19:02.530 --> 01:19:06.574
That is its own teaching of even how he approaches things.

01:19:06.635 --> 01:19:17.394
Hey, before you, in new environments, watch first before you say anything Like when he feels that from you and from his parents, from his house, we watch before we speak.

01:19:17.394 --> 01:19:18.997
Like you know, we do.

01:19:18.997 --> 01:19:19.886
That, that's how we do.

01:19:19.886 --> 01:19:20.971
That's the culture you set up.

01:19:20.971 --> 01:19:21.796
It's a different mindset.

01:19:21.796 --> 01:19:22.238
I love that.

01:19:22.238 --> 01:19:31.435
I just gotta say this man, like, like, like, like we like we said at the beginning, me and Erica have known each other for a long time and I gotta be, I gotta say this I'm gonna say this publicly.

01:19:31.454 --> 01:19:31.985
I don't care.

01:19:31.985 --> 01:19:37.221
I mean, I'm gonna say this to you because it's just us um uh, you thank you I.

01:19:37.221 --> 01:19:38.546
I see the growth yeah.

01:19:38.546 --> 01:19:40.514
I, I see it yeah.

01:19:40.573 --> 01:19:41.757
I mean, I see the growth of both of us.

01:19:41.757 --> 01:19:44.447
We knew each other in very different times, very different.

01:19:44.447 --> 01:19:45.108
We knew each other.

01:19:45.108 --> 01:19:47.493
We're very different people and and we have seen each other and very different times.

01:19:47.493 --> 01:19:49.296
We knew each other and we're very different people and and we have seen each other.

01:19:49.296 --> 01:19:58.778
It is so refreshing, and I think it's a testament to time and growth and the Lord, that you don't have to be who you were 20 years ago.

01:20:00.064 --> 01:20:01.729
That's not a reality, right?

01:20:01.729 --> 01:20:02.412
Like that's.

01:20:02.412 --> 01:20:04.117
You don't have to do that because I'm with you.

01:20:04.117 --> 01:20:06.747
If my husband had met me three or four years ago, he wouldn't have wanted me.

01:20:06.747 --> 01:20:07.609
Like that's.

01:20:07.609 --> 01:20:08.650
You don't have to do that because I'm with you.

01:20:08.650 --> 01:20:11.654
If my husband had met me three or four years ago, he wouldn't have wanted me.

01:20:11.654 --> 01:20:12.215
You know what I'm saying.

01:20:12.215 --> 01:20:15.078
I mean, at any other point in my life really, I mean it just wouldn't have, it wouldn't have worked.

01:20:15.399 --> 01:20:31.929
You know what I mean and and so I think just recognizing that, um, possible, like change is real and it's possible, and it's possible for you, like, and and I think it's, it's, it's an openness to it.

01:20:31.929 --> 01:20:34.353
And is it hard?

01:20:34.353 --> 01:20:35.876
Yeah, like it, it.

01:20:35.876 --> 01:20:42.037
It ain't easy, it's very hard, but I, I think you know I'm saying I've seen it, I see it in you, I see it in myself.

01:20:42.037 --> 01:20:51.332
I'm saying I've seen it, I see it in you, I see it in myself, and it's really cool to see where God has us now.

01:20:51.332 --> 01:21:03.667
I can't say 10 years, I mean 10 years ago, I would never, you could never have told me this would have been my life and you know, really didn't see it.

01:21:03.667 --> 01:21:07.479
But God has a different way of um right.

01:21:07.479 --> 01:21:09.363
You know we discover our stories.

01:21:09.384 --> 01:21:11.128
They've already been read I appreciate that.

01:21:11.149 --> 01:21:16.233
So, um, true, and that that's the thing I just want to say that out loud too you can unlearn the fact that this is just who I am.

01:21:16.313 --> 01:21:17.516
Yeah, I am who I am.

01:21:17.516 --> 01:21:18.466
You can unlearn that.

01:21:18.466 --> 01:21:22.360
You can, I think, when you when you are striving to be your best self.

01:21:22.400 --> 01:21:32.015
When you learn that that's not your best self, then you work to become what a better version of yourself is, and I think that's what I was saying earlier too.

01:21:32.015 --> 01:21:37.485
Like you don't always realize that's not it, like I think our parents are being the best version of themselves at that time.

01:21:37.485 --> 01:21:47.676
You said earlier, the more you have kids, they get another version of you which may be a hopefully a better version of you as you continue to move down the line with children.

01:21:47.676 --> 01:21:52.476
But you know, I do think that's worth unlearning, that I just am who I am and people just have to.

01:21:52.476 --> 01:21:54.751
They can accept you or they could choose not to.

01:21:54.751 --> 01:21:55.755
That's also their choice.

01:21:55.755 --> 01:22:05.592
Or you could choose to see if there's anything better you could be, because there's never a place called there we never reached like, oh, here I'm my best self, that's subjective.

01:22:08.765 --> 01:22:10.858
Yeah, here I'm my best self.

01:22:10.858 --> 01:22:11.340
That's subjective.

01:22:11.340 --> 01:22:15.190
Yeah, there's a guy named Myron Golden, and I know we have to stop, but I just want to end on this.

01:22:15.190 --> 01:22:26.172
He says anybody is doing all they can do with the person they are right now.

01:22:26.172 --> 01:22:29.215
Everyone is doing all they can do with who you are right now.

01:22:29.215 --> 01:22:31.654
If you want to do more, you have to become somebody different.

01:22:31.654 --> 01:22:35.251
That's just reality.

01:22:35.251 --> 01:22:47.052
So you're doing your best with who you are, but there is, if you, if you want more, you have to be, become more, and that is a journey, and I think like this.

01:22:47.052 --> 01:22:57.050
You know this conversation and and, and, and you know people who find themselves in very, very different seasons of life, and different you know, which we all do.

01:22:57.050 --> 01:23:00.546
Um, in order to meet that, you do have to become a different.

01:23:00.546 --> 01:23:01.970
You have to become different.

01:23:03.774 --> 01:23:05.117
Um, this is fun.

01:23:05.117 --> 01:23:07.261
I love the podcast, so it was a blessing to be on it.

01:23:07.261 --> 01:23:14.149
Thanks again for the invitation absolutely all right.

01:23:14.168 --> 01:23:19.618
Y'all download, subscribe, do all the things we love y'all.

01:23:19.618 --> 01:23:20.564
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01:23:20.564 --> 01:23:21.710
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01:23:21.710 --> 01:23:27.028
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01:23:27.028 --> 01:23:29.030
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01:23:29.030 --> 01:23:41.243
Let's keep unlearning together so that we can experience more burrito Peace.

01:23:41.243 --> 01:23:42.969
Thank you once again for listening to the Unlearned Podcast.

01:23:42.969 --> 01:23:45.737
We would love to hear your comments and your feedback about the episode.

01:23:45.737 --> 01:23:52.493
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01:23:52.493 --> 01:23:58.836
We're looking forward to the next time when we are able to unlearn together to move forward towards freedom.

01:23:58.836 --> 01:23:59.757
See you then.