Transcript
WEBVTT
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hello everybody, and welcome once again to the unlearned podcast.
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I'm your host, ruth abigail aka ra, and this is the podcast that's helping you gain the courage to change your mind so that you can experience more freedom.
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And I'm here with a very special guest, miss Erica Ramsey.
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Okay, hello, because, because it used to be Johnson.
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It used to be for a long time, yes, for a very long time, and it is no longer are we wait?
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are we doing the double thing?
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Are we doing, erica?
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What are we doing?
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some things I can't say publicly, but what we are doing is just know is ramsey.
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But if you see johnson just know somewhere it ain't quite ramsey but it's going to be ramsey amen, I understood one thing.
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I refuse.
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I was like one thing I'm not doing.
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I'm not changing my gmail, which is smith, and I'm not doing that because too many things connected to it.
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So it'd be fine.
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But like you know, new stuff will have new name it's gonna have new name.
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Yeah, I'm saying okay, old stuff might.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, we don't, we don't, it's just, that's a lot, that's a lot.
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That's what it is, yeah amen, okay, good all right so erica ramsey, uh, welcome to the podcast, my friend.
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Thank you, glad to be here.
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Yes exciting.
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It's very exciting um.
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So we're in this series, as you all know, unlearning parenting and this is a really, really fun uh conversation.
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We're gonna have different uh people on here, different different conversations and so far we have had a couple um, and so if you haven't, if you haven't had those already, check those out.
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They're already on um on the platforms.
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But this particular one I'm very excited about first.
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First of all, me and Erica have known each other for a very long time.
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Very very, very long time, very long time, yes, very long time.
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Yes, we have much history, let's see.
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We met in 2000.
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She's going to do it, isn't she?
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Yeah, she's going to do it.
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Yeah, we met in 2005,.
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Right.
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Because why was I about to say 10?
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No, 2005.
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Yeah, 2005.
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Yeah.
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Something like that.
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Everybody can count.
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We don't need to add the years.
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No, we don't, we just know 2005.
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So it's been a while, and so we went to college together.
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That's right.
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And Erica's, older than me, so that you know she graduated.
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Here she go Now.
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See, we was on the straight and narrow route and here you just took.
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You had to take that left, I did.
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You took a left, I did.
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That's all right.
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Yes, I am Not by much, though?
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No, not at all Not by much at all, although you could.
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You know there are.
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There were moments where she didn't know that.
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Um and see, see, see, see, uh Joy, how much editing we doing on this right here.
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I love it y'all.
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This is going to be good.
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I'm so excited.
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Oh, this is going to be fun.
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So we've known each other for a long time.
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And, Erica, why don't you just update?
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I just want to share a little bit about yourself with the people and update them on the newest parts of your life.
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Yeah, sure, so I don't necessarily know.
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The people know the oldest parts of my life, so everything's probably new.
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That's fair, fair point oh you're sleeping on me.
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But yeah, so I'm Erica Ramsey.
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I own a company called Leap Branding and PR.
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We do strategic marketing for many different corporations.
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We started in the entertainment industry.
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We moved into the legal field representing lawyers not representing lawyers, but doing marketing and branding for lawyers and now we work with hospital systems doing strategic marketing and helping them to set up their B2B organizations.
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So we do that.
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We actually have formed entities for them from beginning to end.
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We do naming, we do all that kind of stuff.
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Wow.
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We do all of the market research.
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We even do the financial projections.
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We set up the service lines.
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We do a lot.
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So it's a fun thing.
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And outside of that, which is very time consuming, I also am married to a wonderful, wonderful man, ricky, and we have a beautiful son, micah Yay.
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Hey Ricky, and hey Micah for future.
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So how long have you been married and how long have you been a mother?
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I've been married for two years.
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Now.
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We're in our second year and I have been.
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Well, we're in our second year, I should say, and I have been a mother for five months.
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He'll be six months next week, so six months, okay, so this is where it gets good.
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So you became a wife and a mother very, very, very quickly.
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Oh, my gosh, yes, so so first of all gosh.
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This is so public right.
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So what do you say, what do you not say?
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But uh, but uh, this is so public right.
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So what do you say?
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What do you not say?
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But, but it's just me.
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You don't worry about it, it's just me.
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It's just me, yeah, sure, sure, sure.
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So so we, yeah, so we got married and it's this really big, exciting thing and both of us love to travel and we had all these plans for traveling and we had decided we were going to take up skiing and all these winter sports, because you know, we like water sports but not on the water, so it's like winter sports.
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Sure.
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Another form of water.
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Interesting, so we're like, OK yeah it's really interesting.
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So we had planned this whole trip to Aspen, all these different things we were going to be doing for our anniversary actually that year, and a couple months later, you know, we realized no one was going skiing on the anniversary.
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We were actually going to be near a hospital or fresh out, and so that's what happened.
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It was very quick, but you know what, sometimes it's the best way to do it right, because if we had to plan for it with both of our schedules?
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My husband's a major in the Army.
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He's finishing up his last year before he retires after 20 years in, and both of us are extremely busy.
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We are in two locations A lot of times.
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We have two homes.
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We're back and forth near base and then back in our home base, and so it's yeah, we would have not planned to have one, and what an unfortunate thing, because who knows if the next one would have been Micah, it might've been something else.
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So we're grateful.
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I love that perspective.
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You said it's very possible that you wouldn't have.
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I mean, when do you find the right time to have a kid?
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I have heard a lot of people say they plan.
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Then I've heard a lot of people say, even like, you can't plan for it.
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So you know, I know couples that go into it and like, ok, we're going to do this, and then we're going to do this, and then we're going to plan we're going to have a kid at this time and it's going to work like this.
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And even when you plan like that, there's so many things you still are not going to be able to plan for.
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So it's so much that happens in life.
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It's just like at some.
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I mean, I equate it to I was so busy working at a point in my life that I really missed the sunlight.
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You know I was up until night.
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Oh, yes, I remember, yes.
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Yeah, I was sleeping like three, four hours a night, and so I just never was in the visible sun, so I was always working so, and so you want to take a break, right?
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You know I got this project coming up.
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I go, oh, we got to onboard this client, oh, we got this, you know coming up, kind of thing, and you never take, it's never going to be a right time.
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You have to choose a time, like commit to a time, basically yeah, I think you're right and I, um, I find myself in that same mind frame, so you know so, because my son came differently, he came with the, with the man.
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Um, and so still quickly, very quickly, day one, day one Um and so, uh, we so it.
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but we, you know, we, we talk about having more children and it's like in my head it's like and when and how right?
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I mean it's, it's real like, it's a real thing, it's a real conversation.
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You are very both of us are very passionate about the work we do, right, and I want to talk a little bit for a minute just to because, like a lot of women, I mean, again, we won't talk about the exact number of years.
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But you know, we, we were obviously met in 2005.
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So you can figure this out at college, right?
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So we are not, you know.
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let's just say we're not close to college age anymore.
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Okay, my doctor says I'm a few years past 19.
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I go with that.
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Excellent, that means I'm just under that Perfect.
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Okay, great, so so just a few years past 19 so yeah we are um, a lot of women are starting to start families around the age we are now like that's becoming a trend right right, and I think one of the unique things about that is we have been single for the majority of our life, so like without anything connected to us, right, um, and so we've been moving in that, in that rhythm, in that way.
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And then all of a sudden boom, you know, husband, child, like Whoa.
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Okay, I want to talk a little bit about the before and after.
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Like how do you make that adjustment?
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And like, how are you making that adjustment?
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And what was your life rhythm, more so before family and now after family?
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Yeah, that's really interesting.
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I'm probably going to answer these questions, maybe out of order, but hopefully I'll touch on all of them eventually.
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Sure, it won't be long.
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I don't even remember what I asked you.
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It won't be long, no go ahead.
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Oh my gosh, yes, this is how.
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So I think you know I'm obviously a woman of faith and so you pray over something for so long, right?
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So I for me, specifically in my life, I was very structured a little, you know, just structured in how I wanted things done.
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I was very disciplined and I did not want to have a child, if at all possible, before I was in a marriage because I, honestly, was not home enough.
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I knew that it was a great responsibility and I just didn't want I don't want to say it like this, but in my single years I felt like that would be more of a burden than a blessing because it would just be a lot of work.
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And I have seen so many women manage it, carry it, master it, excel at it and just are amazing at being single moms.
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I just didn't feel I was on their level.
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I can't do it like that.
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It looked tough to me, so I didn't particularly want that.
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So I always prayed for a spouse, a God-fearing, wonderful kingdom husband.
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And so when God allowed Ricky and I to meet, and, just you know, we entered each other's lives, it was really interesting because it was like, wow, this is great.
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And the windows are open, and the doors are open and just, oh, we're going to do this, we're going to do that.
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Just the sky's the limit.
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And you know, even though you're later in life, right and not late, in life just later, yeah, just later.
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And so, even though you're later in life, you're like I can do it now, like, yeah, let's do it, let's do it.
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All this stuff I'm waiting to do a balloon deflating.
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It's like it took me and everybody's process is different when they find out that they're pregnant.
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But it took me four months to process it Because I had so many plans for marriage that I had literally not planned for pregnancy or for having a child, literally not plan for pregnancy or for having a child.
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I only prepare for marriage and understanding that one can come with the other, but it doesn't always come with the other, right, because I know so many people that have struggled within marriage and even some outside of marriage who have struggled to have children, and so for me it wasn't an expectation like, oh, back in the day.
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It was like, oh, you get married, you have kids.
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We've lived a little longer now.
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We've seen that that doesn't always happen like that.
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So I did not have that belief that, oh, we're married and, boom, going to have a kid.
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That is our reality.
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However, that wasn't previously my belief.
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It is now my beliefs.
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It is now so.
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I think that, in saying that, it took me a minute right to really understand how my life was going to be different.
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So one of the amazing things that happened and someone just brought this to my attention the other day is that I winded up having it wasn't amazing at the time, but I wound up having to decrease my workload immediately, because during the first trimester, they want you to rest, and obviously I was getting four or five hours of sleep each night, but never eight.
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What is eight hours?
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Who does that?
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People who do that?
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I don't know.
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I don't know how you do it.
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So I was never getting eight hours of sleep, and so you have to for the sensitivity of that time of pregnancy, me being later in years, having my first child.
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And so I went through that process and I had to decrease my workload, which was the first thing, and then it just started to become a spiral right, or an unraveling, or an unlearning for this podcast of what my life used to be and what it used to look like.
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There, never to me and Ricky and I have a really wonderful relationship, but there, never to me was a threat of my life being significantly different because I was married.
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Me was a threat of my life being significantly different because I was married, because he and I are so similar, we're so similar that it's easy and I say we're different enough.
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Someone told me this about their husband and it was just fit us.
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I was like that's so perfect.
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We're similar enough that it's easy, but we're different enough that it's fun.
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So we got a few differences.
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That makes it fun, but we're so similar it's just easy going.
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Yes, so I never had a threat of having this significant change because we were married.
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It was easy, right, but with pregnancy and with a baby coming, that was significant.
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So we have a beautiful home and it's full.
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It was full at the time.
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So to be like it felt like a lot of things were being taken right.
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So my autonomy at work because I couldn't work as much the ownership of my body, because it was starting to go through things.
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I didn't understand the positioning of things at home that I had had there for so long because it was just easy and convenient for me to have things situated certain ways.
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All of that had to shift.
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We're not just talking about like spaces for a nursery.
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I mean like okay, now we need the pantry, like finished and fixed.
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Now we need the closets built out a little differently because we need to put things in different places that they weren't before.
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And so all of these neatly placed and organized and focused things became not so neatly placed and organized.
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So the house got a little just messy for a minute and I had to understand that while we were in transition and putting things there, some stuff had to go into storage until we found a place where it would go.
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And then it was the what is life going to be like being a military family for another year, where we don't always have autonomy of our time, because my husband's a major in the army, so he's a you know officer and he has different things that he's required to do with that, and he's got to do it, and so he's a commissioned officer, and so for me it was like, okay, so how am I going to do this on the times when he's not able to be present with us?
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And I went through a tough spell because when you're single, I'm a very giving person and I lead with my heart, I think, a lot of times, so I'm always focused on other people.
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I wasn't a selfish single individual.
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I was always helping someone.
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I was always doing different things.
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That was just my thing.
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But when we had our son, or when we found out we were pregnant with him, it just felt like a lot of liberty was taken.
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I knew I couldn't go where I wanted to go.
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When I wanted to go there, there would always be, from now to the end of my life where are we going to do with the baby?
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Is he coming with us?
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Is he this, Is he that?
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And so there was always that thing where I honestly felt like that big, bright future right Of traveling and this and Aspen, I felt it almost diminish and it was hard because that's not true.
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That's not true, but it was hard because what I saw wasn't what I was getting ready to experience.
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So, all the way through dating and engagement and the wedding and the marriage, I still see it.
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But as soon as we got pregnant, it was like dream snatched dream snatching pregnancy.
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And it was hard because I made it all the way to that point, having prayed all that time, right, and you get to the point where you haven't and it's like, yeah, but it's not going to look like what you thought and that was that was so you would think.
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To put this in perspective, sometimes people meet their spouse and it's like, oh, that doesn't like what you thought.
00:17:27.586 --> 00:17:30.585
Sometimes you get your house with your son or didn't like what I thought.
00:17:30.585 --> 00:17:33.636
Sometimes you're like like all that matched.
00:17:33.636 --> 00:17:39.940
Yes, right, I didn't have a specific vision for that, but if I wanted something, what I had was exactly you know what I wanted.
00:17:40.300 --> 00:17:41.661
So I didn't have an issue with it.
00:17:41.661 --> 00:17:43.561
But this did not fit.
00:17:43.561 --> 00:17:46.943
It didn't fit so it was really difficult.
00:17:46.943 --> 00:17:52.748
So my life now, ironically, with Micah is very different.
00:17:52.748 --> 00:17:57.890
And his first couple of months here, so fast forward through the pregnancy.
00:17:57.890 --> 00:18:00.672
His first couple of months here were challenging.
00:18:00.672 --> 00:18:11.897
We had a difficult delivery, but his first couple of months here were challenging just because I was in the middle of it and every it was weird because I didn't have.
00:18:13.480 --> 00:18:16.871
I was really sensitive those first four months of pregnancy to what was going to happen.
00:18:16.871 --> 00:18:20.407
When I was in the thick of it it was like I was sensitive to the fact.
00:18:20.407 --> 00:18:21.980
I told I knew this was like.
00:18:21.980 --> 00:18:23.605
I knew this is what this was going to look like.
00:18:23.605 --> 00:18:25.130
I knew this was going to be hard.
00:18:25.130 --> 00:18:28.470
I knew there might be times where I was going to have to shoulder this alone.
00:18:28.470 --> 00:18:30.184
I knew this, like it was all of these things.
00:18:30.184 --> 00:18:34.728
Ok, I knew this was going to happen and it was tough.
00:18:35.601 --> 00:18:39.929
And Ricky was able to take paternity leave, so he was home, you know, for 12 weeks, which was great.